


Forgive and Forget

by karasel



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-10 19:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 203,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasel/pseuds/karasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Teyla, captured, escaped then stranded. Can they find a way to forgive and forget all the shame and guilt and can they help each other to heal?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**_disclaimer:_**  I don't own anything, unfortunately, definitely not Atlantis.

**_ratings and warnings:_**  first chapter is mild but will get rated M for later chapters, for steam and some dark themes (be warned!)

.

.

**Forgive and Forget**

by  _Karasel_

chapter 1

_._

"John, you are back earlier than expected," Teyla Emmagen exclaimed when she saw John walk in the back door of their little cottage.

John Sheppard grinned at Teyla and the slightly older woman standing next to her at the butcher block counter and greeted them.

"Hey, Teyla, Tenyse, yup I managed to bag a few shakar," he informed them thinking of the rabbit like animals that inhabited this planet. "I wanted to skin and clean them before dinner."

He looked at the array of vegetables that were in the process of being chopped up in front of the women. "Another cooking lesson, Tenyse?" John quipped. "We're going to owe you one big time."

Tenyse smiled though John could see the pain that still had not completely left her face at being separated from her family for so long. "It is I who will be forever in your debt for rescuing me from my captors."

Teyla laid her hand on Tenyse's arm and smiled. "Yet you assisted us in escaping, also. We can never repay you for that kindness."

Tenyse patted Teyla's hand. "Yes, but I am home and you are stranded on this world, far from  _your_ home."

"Don't sweat it," John offered trying to hide his grimace at the thought. "There are far worse places to be and at least we aren't anyone's … slave now."

Teyla noticed the hesitation John made before the word 'slave' and a feeling of dread and shame coursed through her. She took a deep breath in and calmed herself and saw John's eyes glued to her in concern.

"Well I'll let you get back to your lesson," John said as he pumped the handle on the water spout and did a quick rinse of his hands. "Teyla needs all the time and help she can get."

The response John got was a dishrag to the head from Teyla. He laughed as he caught it and used it to dry his hands.

Teyla folded her arms over her chest and threatened, "Perhaps you will need to eat the shakar that you caught and you may cook it and eat it  _outside_."

John laughed knowing Teyla was only kidding. He threw the dishrag back at her then looked at Tenyse. "This looks like an awful lot of food. You should bring Finn and the kids and come join us. I still haven't got that cooler working right and I'd hate to see any food go to waste."

Teyla looked at her friend and nodded in confirmation. "That is a lovely idea, John. We would love to have you, Tenyse."

Tenyse smiled and replied, "If you would like the company I am sure Finn and I would be happy to share your meal. Although I fear Zeth and Kelina are travelling across the bridge tonight for a barn dance in the next village for all the young people."

"Teenagers!" John laughed as he rolled his eyes. He headed for the back door and said, "Excellent, I'm glad you'll be eating with us. It means you'll try a little harder to ensure Teyla makes the food palatable."

He slipped out the back door and managed to get it closed before the dishrag smacked against it.

.

.

"So, what's this barn dance that's happening across the river? These kids have chaperones over there?" John asked jokingly.

Finn gave a deep laugh and nodded as he took another bite of the dinner that they were sharing. He knew John was only half kidding. He and Teyla may have only been here less than one lunar cycle but already these two had become attached to his and Tenyse's children. He and Tenyse of course had accepted them readily as friends after what they had done for her. And the rest of the village had pitched in as well, as best they could, to make them feel welcome and help them.

This cottage had been sitting unused since old man Pincett had died several winters ago and everyone had rallied around cleaning and stocking it with anything that was not already here that a couple would need to survive. And they had been given clothing, bedding and food as well as tools and equipment.

Finn knew John was still hesitant about using the tools to farm and plant as he hoped his people would find them here soon. But he saw the distress in both their eyes when they thought of the circumstances. Their people really did not know where they had gone and this planet's control crystal was missing to dial the Ancestral Ring to another world. He knew resignation was starting to come as John had finally consented to discuss what would be best to plant at this time and would grow quick.

Finn laughed and told John, "Yes, you need not worry, the dances are well chaperoned; probably more so than Zeth would like."

Tenyse leaned toward Teyla and confided, "We believe he has taken a fancy to Baraman and Sodif's oldest daughter, Sarana. He most likely wishes to be with her in a much less crowded environment."

Finn saw Teyla smile but also noticed that smile did not quite reach her eyes. He knew what she and John had endured before they came here and that it would take time to heal those wounds. He hoped it would be possible. He especially hoped this for his own bride. She had endured much during her long captivity. But now she was back and it was a cause to celebrate.

Finn raised his glass of wine that he and Tenyse had brought as a gift for being invited to dinner and gave a small toast. "To our new friends, John and Teyla; we give thanks for the day you returned Tenyse back to us and hope your lives will bring you what you desire. May we be able to assist you any way we can."

Everyone took a drink and Teyla replied, "And to our new friends, Finn and Tenyse, who have supplied us not only with all we need to survive but good friendship as well."

Sips were again taken and they all resumed eating, Teyla and Tenyse discussing the meal and how it was prepared. Finn was glad that Tenyse was helping Teyla learn how to cook. For one, he knew she needed it, if John's joking was anything to go by. But also because it gave Tenyse something to do to keep her mind busy and occupied when she was not busy with their own home. And now that the children were older she was not needed to do as much as she had before she went missing.

He stared at his beautiful wife and moisture filled his eyes when he thought of her being gone all those nine winters. Their children had barely been school age when she had been taken while on a trading trip, back before the crystal had been lost. But he had spoken of her so often to them, never wanting them to forget her that when she had miraculously returned they had known immediately who she was.

He had often told them of her soft golden hair that flowed down her back and her bright blue eyes that filled with laughter whenever they had done anything amusing. Her face was now a bit more lined and the pain she tried valiantly to hide still shown behind her smile but she was no less beautiful in his eyes. Unfortunately it was that very beauty that had caused her abduction as he knew it was so for Teyla and John as well. They were both very appealing to look at.

He could not regret too deeply that John and Teyla were here now in this village with them as they had become important members of the community already. They both had advanced skills and knowledge that had been beneficial to all around. And they were willing to share that knowledge and skill while they remained here. Thinking of that, Finn regarded John again.

"I showed that drawing you made to Timnis and he feels he should be able to fabricate those metal panels you desire. I would be very interested in seeing if this will indeed work."

Teyla and Tenyse looked up from their discussion and Teyla grinned, "What are you two scheming to build now?"

Teyla knew John was trying to make life a bit easier for them here and was using his knowledge of advanced machinery to achieve that. Or at least more advanced than these people had. But Teyla was not uncomfortable. This world was far more advanced than the people of Athos. Their houses were permanently constructed of wood and brick, their furniture was well crafted and upholstered and they had running water which came from the rapidly flowing river just a short distance behind their cottage. They had many simple machines and medicines available to them but John and Teyla had helped them to advance these just a bit more.

"I want to see if I can actually build a hot water tank so we could maybe take warm showers instead of filling a million pans of water and setting them to boil on the wood stove or fireplace. Not that sitting in that tiny, rusty old tub isn't a blast but I'd kind of like a bit more privacy than taking a bath in the middle of the cottage."

Teyla chuckled. "But the shower you constructed off the back is far from private, John, even if you could get the water to run warm."

"It's not private  _now_ ," John agreed, "because it's just hanging off the back of the house. But if I can get this water heater working to actually keep some of the water warm, I'll enclose the shower area so it  _is_  private. We'll still need to go outside to take the shower but it'll only be a step off the back porch. And Finn, you said winters here are fairly mild, right? No snow or frost."

Finn nodded his head. "Winter season here is mild with only colder rains and wind that come down from the mountains. The temperature still stays temperate. And winter season has just ended and will not be back for quite some time."

John looked at Teyla and gave a hopeful smile. "And we may not even be here that long if we're lucky. You know Atlantis will be looking for us. I'm sure Rodney will find some way to track us and get us back."

Teyla tried to put feeling into her smile at John's hopes but she knew their situation was not hopeful. Atlantis had no way of knowing where they had gone. They had in fact been on four different worlds since their disappearance. Tracking them would be difficult if not impossible. They still had their sub dermal tracking devices but with many thousands of planets in this galaxy it would be a miracle to find them that way. She tried not to think of it too much as she then began to worry about her people and how they were fairing.

John took a deep breath and looked at Finn again and started discussing the parts he needed to get the cooler working. These people had no electricity but they did have the fast flowing river and a dozen water wheels to help power their mills and pump their water. John had tried to make a small refrigeration device using the cold water of the river and pumping it through some pipes into an insulted metal box. Everyone in the village was rooting for him as they knew if he was successful then they would be able to make one, too. Or more likely Shuntar would start making them and selling them as he was the one who had helped John create the one they had here. If only he could get it to work properly.

Teyla was still asking Tenyse questions about some of the fruits and vegetables of this planet and different ways to prepare them. The fair haired Finn was of course chipping in with his favorite way to cook each of these while his wife tried to hush him up. John grinned at this and was happy to see it. These two had been apart for so long but after just barely a month it seemed like their relationship was back to what it must have been like before Tenyse was taken.

He wondered if that would happen with him and Teyla; if they could go back to the way they had been before all this; best of friends. But they were in a bit of a different situation. He and Teyla had not been married or even romantically involved before all this shit had taken place. Not that he hadn't entertained ideas of being romantic with Teyla pretty much since he'd first met her but he had never taken that step.

And now he knew he probably never could. Not after what he'd done. What he'd been forced to do just to get them through this alive. Teyla had never laid blame on him or given him any indication that she despised him for his actions but he despised himself. He knew he'd do it again in a heartbeat to protect her from what they'd wanted to do to her. What he figured they  _had_  done to her when they'd been separated from each other and he hadn't been there for her. Even more guilt for him to gnaw on, knowing he hadn't been able to completely protect her.

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard against the bile that threatened to rise up his throat at these thoughts. For now he would try and make Teyla's life a bit easier with some of his 'inventions' and upgrades. He knew she didn't care. They were all conveniences that the Athosians didn't have anyway but that she had gotten used to on Atlantis.

He pushed his plate away unable to even think about eating anything else right now. Luckily he had eaten most of it and it had been surprisingly good, although he knew Tenyse had made sure Teyla followed her directions explicitly. He looked around and noticed the others had finished their meals as well.

"So Teyla, you made sure to take notes on how to make this, right? Really clear and  _detailed_ notes so you don't forget a step or two when you try and make it next time that it's your turn to cook? " John teased in her direction and saw the glare she shot back at him but she remained quiet.

John and Finn picked up the plates and deposited them in the large, square sink next to the window and John pumped some water into it to give them a quick rinse until they could wash them properly. The ladies cleared the rest of the table and Tenyse pulled some pastries from the bag she'd brought along and set them on the table.

"I made some of these from the berries you picked from your bushes that grow down by the river. Teyla was kind enough to share them with us so I thought I would share the final product. You may have them for dessert now or save them for the morning."

John picked one up and smelled it. It smelled amazing. "Thank you, Tenyse. They look wonderful but I know I'm pretty full right now. I think I'll save mine for morning. Teyla, you gonna save yours, too, or eat it now and then fight me for this one in the morning?"

Teyla squinted her eyes at John and pursed her lips. "Tenyse gave us enough to have more than one each." And she opened the towel the pastry was wrapped in for John to see there were maybe half a dozen or more of the small muffin like items inside. "So I believe I will have one now and then another for breakfast."

John gave a smug grin. "As long as I get my share."

Teyla just rolled her eyes and bit into her dessert. Finn had one as well but Tenyse did not. Soon after, the couple made their excuses and gave their thanks for the dinner invitation. John and Teyla escorted them to the front door.

"It was lovely to have your company tonight," Teyla told them graciously as they stood on the front porch saying goodbye. "And thank you, Tenyse, for helping me prepare dinner. It was nice not having John complain the whole meal about how distasteful the food is."

"Hey!" John sputtered and nudged Teyla's shoulder with his own. "I never complain about the meal regardless of how … not like Tenyse's it is."

Teyla chuckled along with Finn and Tenyse as she replied, "Your mouth may not say the words but your eyes speak very loudly at times."

"She has you there, my friend," Finn said as he clapped John on the back. "Although you do try to hide it well. Teyla, he should be given points for his polite attempts."

Teyla sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Perhaps."

Tenyse and Finn gave a final wave and began their short journey up the road. John figured it couldn't be more than a half mile. He didn't worry about them though. This town was incredibly safe and everyone watched out for each other. There were several houses between here and theirs plus the light from the two moons was shining brightly tonight.

Teyla moved back into the house and took the pan filled with water from the corner of the stove where it had been sitting all night. She placed it in the sink and began adding soap. John moved up next to her and after she scrubbed a dish or cup he would rinse it off with the pumped water and set it on the butcher block counter so they could dry them. This they did together once they were done washing and rinsing. Then they put them into the cupboard under the counter.

This had become their nightly routine and John really didn't mind. It was nice just standing beside Teyla in companionable silence as they cleaned up from their meal. Many nights they ate just the two of them, taking turns catching and preparing the meal but they often had invitations to the houses of others from the village. In the first week they were here they had needed to either eat elsewhere or have food brought to them and John had felt a little guilty at just taking the food but the last few weeks he and Teyla had been truly helping these people.

John had assisted in putting up buildings and repairing machinery and general manual labor while Teyla had been helping in the village medical clinic. Not that she had a huge amount of training but she had taken many workshops that the Atlantis doctors had offered in field medicine and she had helped Keller as well when treating the Athosians. She was now using this knowledge to assist these people.

The clinic was not big as the town only had about three hundred people in it but the neighboring village across the river also had a similar number and would come to their clinic if they needed medical care. Teyla had enjoyed meeting and getting to know the people of the village and the next one and John knew they were thankful for her assistance.

John now went over and added a few more logs onto the fire in the large fireplace that took up almost the entire back wall. Tucked right into it was the wood burning stove and to the left was a built in oven right in the brick. John wondered if Teyla would ever get the hang of baking in it. They usually ended up getting bread from the baker in town and as John had helped the man get his mill grinding more efficiently, they had all the bread they needed.

John looked around the small cottage noting the improvements they'd already made. Teyla had added curtains to the window in the front and the one on the side over the sink, the only windows in the place. The front and back door stood opposite each other on the right side of the house with a small water closet near the back. It wasn't ideal but he figured it was better than having to go outside for an outhouse or to just use the woods.

The double bed took up the front left corner and the round table they'd eaten at with the four wooden chairs resided in the middle of the room. A large wooden settee with cushions on it sat at an angle to the fireplace with an accompanying chair and coffee table. Aside from the dresser and some shelves on the left wall there wasn't much else in the cottage. And there really wasn't much space for privacy.

He'd cobbled together a large trifold screen that Teyla had added some pretty cloth to so they would have somewhere to change and to keep the bed from being so prominent in the room. He knew Teyla appreciated that. He just wished he could do more for her.

John finished building up the fire and strolled to the back door to see that Teyla had wandered out to the back porch to sit on the top step. He knew she liked to listen to the water rush past in the river and see the moonlight sparkle off the surface. He wondered if she wanted to be alone now though and wasn't sure he should push his company on her.

But Teyla being Teyla had sensed his presence and invited him to join her with just a small wave of her hand. He cautiously approached and sat down next to her leaving a few feet between them. He didn't say anything and just listened to the water rolling past just a short distance away. Teyla leaned against the left side of the porch and sighed. John tried to see if she was okay but the back porch was covered and so the moonlight did not reach her face.

"You all right, Teyla?" John asked just to make sure.

"Yes, John, I am fine," she said and he could tell from her tone of voice that she was. Maybe not exuberant and joyful but maybe like him she had decided to accept that this could be their home for quite some time if not forever and they should probably get used to it and find enjoyment where they could.

They sat quietly by each other's side and breathed in the clean night air and relaxed with the sounds of night animals scurrying around and water flowing.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed that way but Teyla finally stood up and said, "Morning will come early and I promised to deliver some medicine across the river to one of the patients we saw today. I believe I will retire now so I will be rested enough to do it. Good night, John."

As she opened the back door, John gently called out, "Good night, Teyla."

Teyla entered the little house and John gave her time to clean up and get in bed. By the time he moved and came in she was already behind the screen and had put out the oil lamps near the bed. He figured she probably wasn't asleep yet but he still was as quiet as he could be so he didn't disturb her.

He checked the fire again and made sure everything was tightly closed for the night, windows and doors. Then he gathered his blanket and pillow from the cabinet by the wall and sat on the couch. He rubbed his hand over his face and felt the beard that he hadn't bothered to scrape from his face. They had razors here but it wasn't something he ever liked doing anyway and so he figured it was just easier to skip the morning routine. He then removed his boots and socks then his clothes and slipped on a pair of sleep pants he'd gotten from one of the shops in town. He'd helped the owner repair and adjust a pulley system that would make unloading goods much easier. He managed to get some new outfits for Teyla and him for that service.

He shrugged on his black t-shirt, chagrined that he now only ever used it for sleeping. These people had yet to develop a stretchy material like the cotton of this shirt and it was the only comfortable top to sleep in. And he didn't want Teyla to feel uncomfortable if she woke up before him and he was lying around with no shirt on.

He placed the pillow on one end and shook the blanket out around him as he tried, unsuccessfully, to find a comfortable position on the too short piece of furniture. For the first few weeks Teyla had argued that she would fit on the settee much easier because of her shorter limbs but John wouldn't even consider it. Now she didn't even try as John had steadfastly refused to even think of it. He figured being uncomfortable was the least he could do to atone for his sins. Of course he'd never tell Teyla that.

His gaze strayed to the screen he had built to give her at least a tiny bit of privacy and hoped she was sleeping already. He listened for her breathing and pretty soon the rhythmic sound of it filled his ears. He sighed in relief knowing she needed the sweet release of sleep to help prepare her for the coming day and help her forget what had been done to them.

Unfortunately he knew sleep would be a long way off for him. Guilt clawed at him over and over and when he closed his eyes, his dreams were unkind. They brought images of Teyla and him in desirable situations but he knew it wasn't reality. Knew it wasn't any kind of reality he could ever expect. Not for him and not from Teyla. They'd stolen that away from him when he and Teyla had been taken. Now he had nothing left but to make life as easy for her as he could while they waited for the rescue that he knew in his mind was never coming.

He just hoped that maybe one day Teyla could find it in her heart to forgive him and maybe he could find a way to forgive himself. But he knew, both of those were a long time in coming.

.

sgasgasgasgasgasga

.

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two

Chapter 2

.

sgasgasgasgasgasga

.

"What's going on? Why'd you call us?" Rodney asked as he approached the gate platform, Ronon right behind him, to see Sam Carter watching the shimmering, blue event horizon.

"We got a message from Major Lorne. They found something," Carter replied giving a tiny smile. "His team is coming through now."

Rodney's eyes lit up with hope. "They found Sheppard and Teyla?"

"No," Sam sighed and her eyes watched as McKay deflated, knowing this was very difficult for the man. "They did get some Intel, though. He said it was a solid lead."

They all looked back and saw the blue start to ripple and four men walked through, Lorne in the lead. They waited while he made sure all his men were through and watched as the gate shut down.

"Did you find them?" McKay blurted out unable to wait any longer.

"We didn't find  _them_ ,' Lorne reported. "But we did find who took them and where they'd been."

"Was it the slavers?" Ronon growled menacingly like he wanted to go tear someone apart for taking his best friends away from him.

Lorne just nodded and tilted his head up toward Carter's office indicating this information should not be broadcast around the city. And they all knew the gate crew, while highly efficient, were also the best source of gossip around. Sam nodded and they all followed her up the stairs, her steps heavy. She had only been in this position a few weeks when Sheppard and Teyla had been taken and she was finding it difficult to realize she wasn't exactly sure what to do in this galaxy. Luckily she had a crew who were extremely knowledgeable and experienced. She had to make sure she listened to them.

Once the door was closed and they were all sitting, except Ronon who leaned in casual alertness against the wall, Lorne continued.

"We followed that lead we got from the vendor on Vimta and discovered this sordid little business on a planet called Atrox. The …proprietress," Lorne scowled like that was hardly what he wanted to call her, "a woman named Erus, wasn't very helpful at first. But once she saw what our weapons could do and we maybe  _hinted_  that we would use them to free all her ' _merchandise_ ' then she became much more accommodating."

"I'll bet she did," Ronon said. "I've heard of that planet and her. She's been around for a long time. And you know she doesn't deal with just regular slaves, right?"

Lorne's face frowned in disgust. "Yeah, we figured that out pretty quickly when we saw her set up."

"Wait!" McKay stopped them. "What do you mean not regular slaves? What are  _irregular_  slaves?"

Lorne looked distinctly uncomfortable so Ronon supplied the answer for him. "She deals in sex slaves."

Sam sucked in a deep breath but Rodney's face contorted into a horrified visage. "Holy crap! So Sheppard and Teyla are being sold as … Oh, God! Are you sure they were there? Maybe it was someone else."

Lorne reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small black square that had some sort of reel inside it. "Apparently this Erus documents all her transactions and she has enough technology to get it all on tape."

"Did you view it?" Sam asked warily.

Lorne frowned. "Enough of it to make sure it was Teyla and Sheppard. And to see if we could get any more leads from it."

Rodney couldn't quite get the look of disgust off his face. "What exactly do they document?"

Lorne's face mirrored McKay's. "Things you  _really_  don't want to know about."

Sam gave a huge sigh and leaned forward, her hands rubbing her face. "Why don't you give us the Reader's Digest version of what's on there, Major."

Lorne looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. "It starts by showing us close ups of Sheppard and Teyla, almost like an advertisement…"

"Wait," Sam interrupted, "so they're both on the same tape?"

"Yeah," Lorne sneered. "They were being sold  _as a set._  Thought it would bring their price up."

"A set?" Rodney questioned. "If you want sex slaves why would you want one of each? Wouldn't most people want a few girls or a few guys?"

Ronon pushed away from the wall and leaned down on the back of Lorne's chair. "A set is usually sold to a couple. I know the type. They're usually very wealthy and a bit older. They buy an attractive young couple so they can get several uses out of them."

Rodney still looked confused so Ronon continued, "Sometimes the slave couple will need to 'perform' so their masters can get excited from watching. Sometimes they funnel that excitement into doing it with each other or sometimes they'll join in with the slaves. Other times the individual slaves will be used to satisfy one of the masters if the other partner is away or not feeling well or just not in the mood."

"Holy Crap!" Rodney muttered again. "We need to get Sheppard and Teyla out of there before someone buys them."

"I'm guessing it's already too late or Erus wouldn't have given you the tape and you would have found Sheppard and Teyla in their ' _supplies_ '," Carter said.

Lorne nodded miserably. "Apparently they were much sought after. Two couples got into a bidding war over them. That was about a week after they went missing."

"A week?" Rodney gasped. "So that means Sheppard and Teyla have been … slaves," he couldn't bring himself to say what kind out loud, "for over three weeks now. Oh, God, this is not good."

"Did you get the name of the people who bought them and where they're from, Major?" Carter asked.

"No, ma'am," Lorne frowned again. "Erus apparently doesn't deal in names and places, just currency. But she does video the entire transaction including the presentation of the ' _merchandise_ ' to the customers while they're shopping. So there's an image of what these people look like. Maybe we can get their picture out and have our allies try and figure out who they are and where they're from by looking at their clothes and mannerisms and such."

"That's an excellent idea, Major. Good work. Rodney can you take the tape and try and get an image of these people? And I want to see it myself to see if maybe there aren't any other clues to finding them in there."

Rodney nodded and held his hand out for the tape but Lorne hesitated. "The stuff in here is pretty disturbing, Dr. McKay. I just want to warn you. And the image of the people who have them isn't until the end, obviously, since once they were sold she didn't need to keep documenting anymore."

Carter cleared her throat and commented, "You never did give us the run down on what was in there."

Lorne closed his eyes for a second then took a deep breath. "Like I said there are close ups and pictures of Teyla and Sheppard separately and together. Apparently being sold as a set she needed them to show they could 'perform' as Ronon put it."

Rodney interrupted yet again. "Are you telling me that she's got Sheppard and Teyla  _doing it_  on tape? With each other or other people?"

Lorne lowered his eyes and felt he was betraying his CO by saying this. "With each other."

Rodney pushed on. "And they just did this without any protest, right in front of the cameras?"

Lorne's eyes grew fierce. "Oh, they protested plenty, they just really didn't have much choice. Erus threatened that if they didn't, she'd have the four, big burly guards who were standing around with them take turns with Teyla and she warned that they weren't known for being gentle. Needless to say they complied."

"That must have killed Sheppard," Ronon grunted. "He'd never do anything to hurt Teyla and this must have ripped him apart at having to do that to her."

"He obviously didn't have much of a choice," Sam defended quietly. "I'm sure Teyla understands that and realizes it was better than the alternative."

Ronon snarled. "We know that but I know Sheppard. He'll never forgive himself, doesn't matter what the alternative was. He'll feel he should have protected her better."

"So, is that the worst I'll see on there?" McKay almost hated to ask.

Lorne shook his head, his lip turned up in a snarl. "Erus doesn't allow any test drives but she has no problems allowing a little free sample when customers are interested."

Rodney looked extremely pale at this thought. "And that's all on the tape?"

"Yeah, and that's the part where you'll have to get the image of the buyers. There were two couples who came to look but it's the second set that actually ' _purchased_ ' them. You may need to zoom in and hopefully you can clear up some of the static. It's not the best quality video."

Lorne finally handed it over to him and Rodney took it like it was an infected needle.

Before they left, Carter looked at the group and clarified, "I'm sure I don't have to say this but none of what we discussed can leave this room. Rodney, I suggest you work on that someplace where no one can get at it or walk in on you. Lorne, did your men all see this tape?"

"No, ma'am. I was the only one, although they certainly got an idea of what kind of place it was when we went in there."

"Then I'll want to see them just so they know the importance of keeping this quiet. Once we find Colonel Sheppard and Teyla and bring them back, it'll be hard enough for them to deal with what happened or what is probably happening right now. We certainly don't need the rest of the city gossiping about them behind their backs. We'll just say they were sold as slaves; we don't need to mention what kind. I don't even plan on giving that information to the SGC. Are there any questions?"

They all shook their heads and began to leave. Carter called out to Ronon before he got to the door.

"Ronon, I'll need your help quite a bit with this one. You're more familiar with this galaxy and where we might get reliable information. It sounds like you've run into this seedy type of character before. So I was wondering if you would head this investigation. The IOA won't want to continue pouring funds into this search for much longer. It's already been a month. So are you okay with taking charge?"

"Yeah," Ronon growled like he would have done it regardless of her request. "Sheppard and Teyla have been my best friends here. I'd do anything for them."

Carter just smiled and said, "Good. Keep me apprised of your findings."

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Teyla opened her eyes to the sound of the birds chirping outside the cottage. John must have cracked a window open when he left for his run this morning like he did every morning. He knew Teyla liked fresh air but the nights were often too chilly to leave the window open during that time. She liked that he thought of her each morning and was kind enough to do this.

She climbed out of bed and did a few simple stretching exercises to wake up her muscles then she padded to the kitchen area to pull out a mug. She turned to the stove and sure enough there was a kettle sitting on the front corner with steam escaping through the nozzle. Just another thing John did for her each morning. She made herself a cup of tea and while it was cooling she quickly washed up and dressed for the day.

She would be helping in the clinic today so she chose a comfortable yet attractive outfit. The long, flowing skirt was made of a very soft animal skin and John said it was like  _suede_. Her blouse, which she had just gotten yesterday, was light pink and fit her very nicely. The top of the sleeves were somewhat loose but then closed tighter around the elbow and down further where they were lined with tiny buttons. It was very different than anything the Athosians would design but she had liked the way it looked.

She pulled her hair into a ponytail in the back and tied it with a matching ribbon. She knew it was silly to be so vain about her appearance but life here was very simple and she had found that things like matching her hair ribbon to her outfit made her feel just a tiny bit better. And John usually teased her about it and though she would never tell him this she secretly loved when he teased her. She finished up the outfit with the light brown boots that rose to just below her knee and laced up the front.

When she was done she sat down at the table with her tea and wondered if there was a pastry from Tenyse left. It had been a few days since she and Finn had come over for dinner but there had been plenty and she and John had tried to conserve them. She looked at the counter next to the sink and saw the basket but suddenly felt she did not want one. Her stomach must not have woken up yet and felt a bit strange and she feared putting a sweet pastry in it might upset it further. She would nibble on something while she was at the clinic.

She washed and rinsed her mug and left it to dry then turned to the large slate board that John had mounted next to the front door. Presently it had the word ' _RUN_ ' scribbled across it in John's bold handwriting. She took a dish towel and wiped the word off then picked up the chalk and wrote ' _CLINIC_ ' in its place. John had figured this was the easiest way of letting each other know where the other one was if they weren't able to see each other.

It was still a bit chilly outside so Teyla picked up the waist length leather jacket that matched her boots and slipped it on. She began the mile long hike to town and looked around her as she walked. The road was level and therefore hardly a burden to go down. And the scenery was extremely pleasant. Trees lined the simple dirt path and she could hear the sound of the rushing river to her left. She would follow that sound the whole way as many of the larger buildings in the town used the river to help run their simple machinery.

John would be returning from his run soon and begin his own day. She knew he was meeting with Shuntar to discuss making a few more of the coolers that John had designed. Since John had gotten it to finally function correctly many people had asked if they could purchase one. Shuntar was what John called a machinist and was more than happy to construct this new appliance that would help preserve their food longer. John was just happy that he could now keep his ale cold.

She smiled at the thought of John and how well he had adapted to life on this world and in this village. They had learned that the planet was called Dimitta and this town was known as Flumar. It was one of several towns in the area, the closest being the one right across the bridge called Pontis. These two towns and the two that were located just north of here, a few days travel, lived a very symbiotic lifestyle. They each had goods and services that they were well known for and participated in trade happily with each other.

Teyla had been to Pontis on many occasions as it was a short distance but the other two she had not seen; other than in their beautiful goods. They herded an animal that lived in the nearby mountains with quite silky fur and used that for weaving a very fine fabric. It could also be used in a courser way for rugs, blankets and heavy coats and apparently it was quite warm. For now though she and John had more than they needed as the weather was growing warmer and John kept the fire stoked regularly throughout the night.

She wished John would reconsider and allow her to sleep on the settee or at least share the large bed that was in their cottage. But after what had happened to them, she knew John had a difficult time even looking her straight in the eye. Her stomach twinged at that thought and she tried to take a few deep breaths to calm it. It hurt that John could not look at her properly or touch her but she allowed that his disgust was not based on her but what had been done  _to_ her. She could hardly blame him for wanting to have no physical contact.

She thought about Finn and Tenyse and felt envy that Finn could welcome Tenyse back into his house, his life and his bed after all she had endured. And he was not shy when it came to displaying his deep affection for his wife. Why could John not do that also? Have things be as they were before? But she knew that Finn and Tenyse had been deeply in love and had raised two children together before she was abducted. She and John had merely been friends no matter how much she had secretly longed for them to be more. And now they never would be more with the events hanging always between them.

A few more houses dotted the landscape as she got closer to town and she remembered that John said it had reminded him of an old western town, very rustic but nice. Teyla had to admit that the people they had met here had certainly been most pleasant and welcoming to both she and John. And they had been able to provide services for others enough that they were now earning their own keep instead of counting on the generosity of others as they had first needed to do.

But bringing Tenyse back to her family and her friends in this town had solidified their place among the community and Teyla honestly felt that she and John could sit back and do nothing and these people would still provide for them. Of course that was simply not something she or John would ever do. They both craved activity too much to be able to be idle for long.

The larger buildings of the mills and shops came into view and she noticed people moving around a bit more here. The day had certainly begun. She smiled and waved as she passed people on the way to the clinic. She had met most of them at some point although she knew she would never remember all their names if asked.

She entered the clinic and was greeted by Shalise who was the medical provider for this town. She was similar age to Teyla and had been training for years under Dr. Valetudo. He was a highly trained doctor who had actually studied off world when they still had a working gate. Teyla knew he was also almost eighty winters in age. He travelled between the four towns and stayed in one every fourth week. He had just left Flumar three days ago and was now stationed in Pontis for the next week.

Teyla had enjoyed working with him and they had discussed several worlds that they had both visited. He was quite flirtatious with all the women no matter the age but Teyla had noticed that he had toned it down some when he worked with her. She wondered if it was because of the circumstances that had brought them here. He had been the one to completely check out Tenyse and declare that she was free from any disease that she might have contracted while she had been absent. Therefore he knew exactly what had gone on where they had been.

Teyla was unsure who from this town knew of their situation. She believed that Finn had told people Tenyse had been a slave in the kitchen for some rich baron. And as she had been working in the kitchen when they had found her, there was no reason for anyone to know that she had also held another position when she had first arrived there. Teyla had been just one in a line of replacements when the master had grown weary of her and wanted newer, younger blood. Tenyse had been lucky that she had been allowed to work in the kitchen and not been sold to someone else in her same former position.

"Good morning, Shalise," Teyla gave the woman a broad smile and removed her jacket to hang it on the hook near the door. "Are we in for a busy day today?"

Shalise smiled back. "Not too bad so far. I have several people I  _would_  like to visit though and wondered if you could possibly take over for me here in case there are any emergencies. I will go after lunch as that time seems to be the slowest of the day."

"I would be happy to," Teyla replied. "Will you be checking on Mrs. Mulier? I heard from her son that she is not happy that she is being required to stay seated throughout the day."

"Yes," Shalise confirmed. "I need to emphasize to her that her leg will not heal properly if she continues to walk on it while it is still injured. She is so worried that her animals will not get fed, though I am sure her son is certainly capable of doing so."

"Yes, he is, though he is in lessons most of the day. She is concerned that the animals will somehow perish if they do not have their feed directly at the noon hour. John has promised to go see to them today and I believe several of the men have offered to take turns until her leg is well enough that she may do it herself."

Shalise breathed a sigh of relief. "Wonderful. One less thing I have to worry about. How is John? I have not seen him in the past few days."

"He is well," Teyla answered. "I have not seen him yet this morning myself as he was on his run when I awoke and he had not returned by the time I left to come here."

"He does like his morning run, doesn't he?" Shalise mused. "It is a strange custom to run for so long and so far with no destination in mind."

Teyla chuckled. "On his world he is a warrior and needs to be ready at a moment's notice so he does it to keep his body in shape."

Shalise gave a wide grin and observed, "Then he is very successful because I would definitely say his body is in  _fine_  shape. I am sure you have noticed this before."

Teyla blushed but replied, "It is hard to miss. What would you like me to start with today?" she said trying to get the woman's mind and her own off John.

Shalise started listing off things that needed to be done during the day and allowed Teyla the choice of which she would like to work on first. Teyla chose to restock the supplies from the storage room and while she did this the first patient arrived.

Teyla kept busy during the morning and tried not to think about John but she knew he was having his meeting with Shuntar and wondered how it went. Not that John was the entrepreneurial type but he knew that letting others have the cooler design was just another way of paying them back for their kindness.

She wondered how  _she_  could pay John back for what he had done for her during their captivity. She knew he was disgusted by the thought of having sex with her, most specifically because they had done it for the pleasure of others, not their own. But when the slave trader, Erus, had threatened to have Teyla taken viciously by several of the guards at once, John had complied. And he could not have been more gentle with her.

She gazed out the store room window as she remembered how he had faced her in the empty room, although they knew they were being supervised through an observation window. He had taken her face softly between his hands and spoken in a whispered voice.

"Teyla, look at me, just at me," he had said and his tone had begged her to do so. "It's just us, there's no one else around, it's just us, okay. Try to think that way. Just keep looking at me."

He had lowered his forehead to hers and stared into her eyes for the longest of moments then touched his lips to her cheek as he continued, "I don't want to hurt you, Teyla. I care for you, you know that. You're one of the best friends I have and I would never want to hurt you if I could possibly help it."

His lips had then settled on hers and Teyla remembered how they had felt. Regardless of the circumstances she had enjoyed John's lips pressed to hers and had responded to them. His hands had continued to caress her face as his lips moved along hers. Slowly he had begun a seduction of her that she had responded to intimately. His hands glided along her exposed curves and hers moved along his strong muscles.

He had continued to whisper to her to just look at him and tell her that he cared for her and would never hurt her. She had believed him and had allowed his advances to continue. But she knew it had been hard for them to play the part. She had always dreamed of having John look at her and touch her like that however she knew it was not what he had ever wanted.

But somehow they had gotten through it and she had climaxed powerfully while he held her close. But tears had trickled down her cheeks knowing that it was all an act for the benefit of their captor. And John had only done it to save her from a brutal, degrading attack. But she knew he had gotten pleasure from her body and he was sickened by it. She had known him long enough that she could read his very expressive eyes and they told her as much.

After they'd been allowed to dress and had been thrown back in their holding cell, John had pulled her in close and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She had rested her head against his chest and had tried to forget that what they had done was only for show. There had been no real feelings behind them, at least not on John's part. She knew he regretted what he had done as he whispered over and over, "I'm sorry, Teyla. I am so sorry. Please forgive me."

Her sadness overwhelmed her for a moment and she felt tears well behind her lids as she stood in the storeroom. She knew there was no sense dwelling on this issue. It would not change anything. She shook her head and passed her hand over her eyes to clear them then continued her work.

She wondered if perhaps John would prefer to not be in the same dwelling as her while they resided in this town. They had been living amicably so far but their conversation was strained at times when they were alone and she often found John staring off into the distance. She knew he could be thinking about Atlantis, as she often did, but she sometimes wondered if he was disgusted that he needed to occupy the same space as her. It was possible that she was a constant reminder of the revolting activities he was forced to be involved in. She would have to think some more on this subject.

Teyla was helping Shalise rewrap an injured arm when the door jangled open. They both looked up to see John walk in. He had his typical smile pasted on his face as he approached them. They both greeted him and he looked at Teyla, asking if she had gotten any lunch yet. But Teyla searched his eyes as he glanced at her and she could see that his eyes held a sadness in them. And she knew she had been part of what had caused that sadness.

She made the decision right then. She would speak to him about perhaps finding separate living accommodations. And she would speak with him tonight.

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"Okay, that's gonna have to be good enough," Rodney whined as he zoomed in and adjusted the exposure on the image of the people who had 'bought' Sheppard and Teyla. "Because I just can't look at this stuff anymore. It's just too sick what these people are doing."

Sam Carter couldn't disagree. She'd been through the tape a few times since Rodney had adapted some equipment to be able to play it. She'd fast forwarded through a good deal of it since it was so incredibly private. She figured John and Teyla wouldn't appreciate having anyone viewing what had happened.

She sighed at how gentle John had been with Teyla, though, trying to get her through it the best he could. He had kept his eyes glued to her face and continued to encourage her to just look at him and not think about what was actually going on as they became intimate. It couldn't have been easy for either one of them. Watching them, one could almost believe that they truly cared deeply for each other. And thinking of her own background and experience Sam did wonder how they felt about each other. She had read a few reports from a Sgt. Bates in the first year of Atlantis that hinted that there could be more than just team friendship.

She looked at Rodney as he pressed a few keys to print the close up picture of the customers who had John and Teyla. Ronon had been here earlier too but after the 'shopping' scene he had growled in extreme frustration and stormed out. She could hardly blame him.

John and Teyla had been strapped up in the middle of the room with their arms above their heads, mouths gagged. The customers had walked around checking them out like they were nothing more than a side of beef. They had lifted and moved clothing and pinched and prodded and 'sampled' like they were squeezing a melon to see if it was ripe. Teyla and John had struggled with very little success especially as they got a small whack on the back with a stick if they protested too much.

But the act that had made Ronon howl in anger had been when Teyla had attempted to kick the 'shopper' because he had pulled open the sheath she was wearing, exposing all of her to his eyes. The camera was behind them and so they only saw Teyla's back view but they could certainly understand what was going on. Two guards had grabbed her legs and held on tight as the customer had kneeled in front of her. He hadn't been there long but they could see him move closer toward Teyla. And she had struggled more than ever. But John had also started struggling at this point, worse than before, trying desperately to stop what the man was doing.

Shortly after, the customers had moved to Erus to discuss bidding and John and Teyla's bonds had been released. They both dropped to the floor and Teyla had curled herself into a tight ball. John had only taken a second to pull his pants up and lower his gag then he crawled to Teyla's side and pulled her inside the warmth of his arms. Teyla had curled further into them and John had almost rocked back and forth, his lips near her ear, perhaps whispering assurances to her. They had stayed that way until the video had ended.

Sam felt a stab inside her knowing what they'd seen here was bad enough. She couldn't imagine what they were going through now. They'd been with these people for over three weeks. She hoped this picture would be helpful and that they could find someone who knew who they were soon and knew where to find them. Then she could send a few Marine units to go and get them back.

But even once they returned, Sam knew it would be a very long time before John and Teyla could forget about what they had gone through. But first they had to find them. Sam looked at the reel that held the video and debated whether they still needed it. But she had gone through it several times looking for anything they could use to find their people. Aside from the picture of the 'buyers' there was really nothing. And she never wanted anyone to get their hands on this.

She stood up and pointed to the screen in front of McKay. "Once you've got a few different angles of these people, Rodney. I want you to destroy this tape. Make sure there's nothing left of it. Understood?"

Rodney closed his eyes briefly but gave a little sigh of satisfaction. He nodded. He didn't want there to be any little reminders of what had happened to John and Teyla, either.

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	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three

 

Chapter 3

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"John, this is delicious," Teyla complimented as they ate dinner just the two of them. "What did you do to make the shakar so tasty?"

"I just tenderized it a bit then covered it in some flour and spices and fried it in a pan with some of that stock I got from the grocers," John replied making it sound simple. He glanced mischievously at Teyla seeing her reaction. He knew he teased her too much about her lack of cooking skills but she always responded with a little smile of her own and he never got tired of seeing that.

"It is very good. Perhaps you should prepare our evening meal  _every_ day," Teyla responded, a mischievous look of her own lighting her eyes. "Where did you learn to make such dishes?"

John shrugged. "After my Mom died, my Dad hired a housekeeper who was an amazing cook. She used to let me hang out and watch her. But after a while she'd usually put me to work and so I learned a few of her secrets. Plus, once I graduated from college I pretty much lived on my own, cooking for myself if I didn't eat in the mess hall. Well, except for the short time I was married to Nancy and then we would take turns cooking depending on our schedules."

Teyla finished the last of her food and sat back with a satisfied smile. John grinned again. "Glad you liked it. You know maybe I could start giving you cooking lessons as well as Tenyse. It's not like you could have too many."

The look in Teyla's eye gave away her movement a fraction of a second before it happened and it gave John time to move his leg from the kick it was about to receive from her boot clad foot.

John's smile got bigger. "You're just too fun to tease, Teyla."

"And you get far too much enjoyment out of it," Teyla replied. "Perhaps you should tell me what you planted out in the garden today? I noticed there were several new rows turned over."

"Oh, yeah, I got some of those tuber, potato like vegetables today from Finn. He said they grow like weeds and you get a ton of them from just one plant. And they stay good for quite a while. We can put them in the root cellar and have them for most of the winter."

With John's mention of the season far ahead of them, Teyla remembered that she had wanted to speak with John about living arrangements. She knew it would be easier for them to share space regarding food and gardens and such. However, she also did not wish for John to feel he must provide for her as well as himself. She knew she could most likely stay in a room in town above one of the shops. It would not be as nice but she could perhaps have a small garden in the back. And she was an able hunter herself and she was sure she could provide the small amount she would need if she could find the time when she was not at the clinic. But if it would make John more comfortable, then she would do it.

They moved to wash the dishes together as they always did, speaking of what she did today and of how excited Shuntar was that John had gotten the cooler to function. John planned on spending more time with him working to produce several more units. Shuntar had told him he already had many people in line to purchase one.

When they were done the cleaning, John moved over to restock the fireplace with logs and Teyla followed him to sit on the settee. The night air was becoming cooler and the warmth of the flames felt good. John put the poker back in its rack and fell into the chair opposite where Teyla sat.

Teyla took a deep breath and screwed up her courage. This was not a discussion she wanted to have but she knew she must make the offer.

"John," she started almost meekly then cleared her throat to make it stronger. "I have been thinking about our living arrangements and wondered if you would not prefer to have something a bit different."

John looked at her curiously and asked, "Are you talking about you sleeping on the couch again because I already told you there's no way I'm gonna take the bed and have you be over here uncomfortable?"

"Yet you are clearly uncomfortable on this as well," Teyla stated. "But I am speaking of discomfort of another kind. I am wondering if you would be more contented if I resided elsewhere."

John leaned forward as his eyes narrowed. "Are you saying you want to move out? That you don't like living here with me?"

"No," Teyla denied. "I am not saying that at all. I am quite satisfied here however I thought perhaps it would be less awkward if I am not so near you."

John felt something like a kick in the gut at Teyla's words. But he could hardly blame her. He was a constant reminder of what he had done and she probably was revolted at the sight of him. He swallowed hard then took a deep breath in.

"I guess I should have known you'd feel this way after what I did. I certainly can't blame you for not wanting me around as a constant reminder of … you know. I'd hoped  _some day_ you might be able to forgive me."

Teyla's eyes narrowed as well in confusion. "I do not understand, John. What do you mean … after what you did? You did nothing that needs forgiving."

John let out a quick breath and his eyes turned tortured as he stared at Teyla's sweet face. She couldn't possibly push aside what he had done so easily. His breath caught again and his hands clenched together.

"Teyla, I … raped you. I didn't want it to happen but it did and …"

Teyla never let him finish. She could not believe he had ever entertained such thoughts. She rushed to kneel by his feet and covered his clasped hands with her own.

"John," she rushed breathlessly, "You did  _no_  such thing. How could you ever even believe yourself capable of that kind of act?"

"It doesn't matter how you sugar coat it, Teyla, it is what it is," he said gruffly. "You certainly weren't a willing participant and therefore it was rape." John's eyes had moved to roam the room then dropped to the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look Teyla in the eye. He grabbed for what self control he had and attempted to keep his breathing from becoming too harsh.

Teyla lifted her right hand to touch John's cheek and his eyes rose briefly to look into hers. The torment she saw inside them sent a shaft of pain through her heart.

She shook her head swiftly from side to side. "You were not a willing participant either, John. And you cannot blame yourself for what was forced upon us. No, it was not our choice to engage in sexual activity at that time however rape is a cruel and violent act and it is what would have happened to me at the hands of those men had you not accepted Erus' demand."

John was still shaking his head at Teyla's words and she was unsure how to get through to him. "Please believe me, John, when I say that I have never felt that you forced yourself upon me. My hands caressed your skin also while yours moved over mine. Even though it was not our choice, you made it pleasurable and allowed me to forget, for just a short time, what was truly happening. You could not have been more gentle or more caring."

John dragged his eyes from the floor and they stared at Teyla's moisture filled ones and confirmed, "You don't hate me?"

"Oh, John, no!" Teyla cried pulling John's head closer as her forehead rested against his. "I could never hate you. You saved me from a fate that I cannot even fathom. The thought of those men and what they would have done, ... I fear I would have ended my life rather than be subjected to all of them and the violence they would have carried out upon me. It was you and your soft voice, whispering for me to stay focused on your face and your voice and only think of you, that kept me from contemplating what was to come for us. I will forever be in your debt for saving me from the anguish that could have been mine."

John took a shaky breath in and let it out slowly. He moved his head a fraction away from Teyla so he could see her face. Her eyes were liquid pools but her lips were turned up in a miniscule smile that made his heart flip in his chest.  _She doesn't hate me or blame me_. He could see that clearly in her eyes. But one confusing thought still raced through him.

He placed his free hand on the one still gripping his other and squeezed. "So if you don't hate me and don't blame me for what I did, why do you want to live apart?"

"I thought it was what you wanted," Teyla answered. "I thought I was too much of a reminder of what we were forced to do. I know you did not wish to be intimate with me and I felt that you were disgusted by me and all the shame I carry with me."

It was John's turn to be shocked by what she said.  _The shame she carried_ … how could she even say that after what he had done  _to her_?

"Teyla," he whispered her name as his hand found her cheek and stroked it with his thumb. "You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. We were both in a situation where we had no choice in any of our decisions. I'm certainly not disgusted by you in any way. You were a victim, we both were."

His other hand lifted to her face and his lips touched her forehead. "Don't you know how much you mean to me, Teyla? I did what I did to protect you and I'm not proud of it but I'd do it again in a heartbeat if the alternative was the same."

Teyla closed her eyes and sighed when she felt John's lips touch her skin. Her hand slid through his hair and held him against her head. "Thank you, John, you mean everything to me as well."

John leaned slightly back removing the contact of his lips to her head. His hands grasped hers again and he gave a crooked smile. "But you were wrong when you said I didn't wish to be intimate with you." He gave a tiny little laugh wondering if he should actually confess this but knowing that he should. "I've been wishing for that since we first met. I just never wanted it to happen the way it did."

At John's words, Teyla's heart fluttered in her chest. She could hardly believe he had said them. Perhaps she had heard wrong.

"You have wished for us to be  _more_ than friends?" Teyla clarified and she saw a sheepish grin cover John's face as he nodded. "Why did you never say anything before?"

"Lot of reasons," John answered. "After Sumner was gone, I almost felt like I had to prove something, to myself and everyone else. You know I was a pretty big screw up before I came here, right?"

Teyla gave a sweet chuckle. "I do not believe that."

John just rolled his eyes and continued. "And we were pretty busy with the Wraith and trying to figure out the city and Ancient tech and I guess the fact that Bates kept insinuating that we had something going on made me keep from making that true."

Teyla's smile grew larger. "You wished to prove him wrong."

"Yeah, kind of stupid now that I think about it. But then we were on a team together and we worked so well together that I didn't want to mess that up, either. I respected you too much and needed you on my team too much to want to risk ruining that. I haven't had the greatest luck in relationships and I figured when I screwed it up, and I knew I most likely would, it would completely ruin the team dynamics and everyone would blame me."

John ran his thumbs over the tops of her hands. "But I don't want you to freak out over this or anything, Teyla. I promise you're safe with me. I know you don't feel the same way about me, too but I value our friendship and I want to make sure we always have that. I just wanted you to know that my feelings for you run deeper than you ever knew. And when we were intimate, it was meaningful  _to me_."

"John," Teyla gave him an enchanting smile and he knew she wasn't too upset by his revelation. "You are not the only one who desired our relationship to move on past friendship. I, too, have dreamed of a time when we could hold each other and press our lips together in passion. But like you, I did not wish it to happen the way it did."

"Really?" John asked as his lips curled into a huge grin. "So … if I want to hold you in my arms like this," and he stood up and pulled her to stand close inside his arms, "You wouldn't pull away or resist. Maybe … you'd even like it a little."

Teyla's arms snaked around his back and she leaned into his chest. "I believe I would like it more than a little."

John's arms tightened and he rested his head on top of hers as he breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Standing here with Teyla in his arms, and having her want to be here, was something he had been dreaming about since they had first met. He sighed again and he could feel Teyla relax against him. Knowing he had something to do with that made him feel really good. For the first time in a month he felt a tiny weight lift from his heart.

They stood that way for a while without talking and John had barely wanted to breathe or move, thinking it could all be a dream and he would wake up at any moment. But the scent of Teyla's shampoo tickling his nose and the feel of her hands as they clutched the back of his shirt was definitely real. He thought about moving his hands over her in some way but felt maybe it was still too soon. Not just in their newfound romance but since they had escaped from their slave masters. John knew he would need to take it very slow with Teyla.

He eased away from her and was pleased to hear a disappointed noise slip from her lips. He touched her face tenderly and suggested, "You want to go for a stroll down to the river. I know how you like to listen to the water flow by and we could watch and listen from close up."

Teyla's smile brightened her face. "That is a wonderful idea, John. I think I would enjoy that. But I will need to get my coat. I believe the night winds have picked up and it will be chilly closer to the river."

John reluctantly let her go and went to gather his own jacket. The people of this town had been wonderfully generous. He and Teyla had just been starting to be able to pay these people back with assistance and labor but they had provided them with so much before they had been able to do that. Everything John had on, except his combat boots, had come from the shop in the village.

John had to say he was happy about what type of clothes these people wore, though. It was very casual and perfect for physical work. Sturdy pants and shirts made out of a thick cotton like material were similar in style to the jeans and button down shirts he usually wore. These people weren't into the flowing robes of many of the galaxy's inhabitants or the fancy finery of the people who had held John and Teyla prisoner. The women wore much of the same although many of them wore skirts on occasion but it was not required and they did have more choices in their selection. He smiled thinking of the pretty pink blouse Teyla had on today.

He shrugged into his black, denim like jacket and waited for Teyla to get hers. He held it out for her to put her arm in the sleeve and she smiled at his gallantry.

"You look really pretty in that blouse, you know," John complimented as he pulled the jacket over her shoulders and started to button it up for her.

She gave John a curious look but allowed him to finish as she said, "Thank you, John. I just got it yesterday in trade for assisting the shop owner with a small injury."

They both made their way to the back door and as they walked down the steps, John leaned closer and observed, "And I noticed you got a hair ribbon to match."

Teyla gave a silent chuckle but was secretly pleased that he had noticed. They strolled quietly to the river, just a few hundred yards from the back of their cottage and stood watching for a few moments. Teyla felt a difference now that she and John had been able to talk about the fears they had been living with. She still could not believe John had considered that he had raped her. No wonder he could barely look at her. But he also did not see her shame or feel disgusted by it.

She still knew it was there though, her shame. What had happened still haunted her dreams and made her wake in the middle of the night wondering if someone would come for her again to dishonor her. Many times she would silently creep to the edge of the screen John had crafted and make sure he was there, keeping watch over her and keeping her safe. He may not have been right by her side but he was close enough. She was hoping perhaps she could tempt him even closer now that they had spoken.

His arm casually drifted to her shoulder and she leaned in closer. John took that as a good sign and moved behind her to wrap his arms completely around her and pull her right against his chest. She moved her hands to rest on top of his and gave another contented sigh at the sight in front of her.

"This is truly a beautiful location. We are very fortunate for the people here and all they have done for us."

She could feel John nod his head and respond, "Yeah, not that I don't want to get back to Atlantis desperately but if you gotta be stranded, this isn't bad. It's much higher on my list than a Wraith hive ship, Genii bunker or even one of those Ancient touchy-feely planets where everyone spends all day meditating."

"You did not enjoy your time behind the time dilation field. I thought you said the people were very peaceful and calm."

"They were," John agreed. "But they never actually did much besides meditate. The food pretty much grew right there and all they needed to do was pluck it off the trees. The only time I ever broke a sweat, besides the runs I'd go on, was when that invisible monster showed up and I had to fight it by myself."

Teyla tilted her head slightly. "I do not believe there are any invisible monsters on this world, or at least I have not  _seen_ any yet."

"Nope, I checked with Finn," John teased. "But they do have some nasty wolf like things that come down from the mountains occasionally in the winter when it gets too cold up there. But since winter's already over, we're probably all set until next year."

"And by then, "Teyla added wistfully, "I am sure Atlantis will have found us and taken us home."

"Yeah," John replied but his tone showed Teyla that he was not hopeful that it would happen. They both knew what the circumstances were and that the chances of Atlantis finding them were less than slim. She felt John's arms tighten around her again and they began to discuss other things. They had always been able to engage in general chatter but now it seemed to flow much smoother than before. Perhaps because of the small layer of guilt that had been removed earlier this evening.

A strong gust blew past them and Teyla shivered. John lowered his head to her ear and suggested they head back. Once inside, John placed more logs on the fire and stoked it until they were ablaze. Then he stood staring at the flames as they caught the new timber. Teyla had removed her coat and come to stand by his side, enjoying the heat of the fire.

"I think I will retire for the night, John. It is another early day tomorrow."

John reached down and squeezed her hand and said, "Good night, Teyla."

But Teyla didn't move. She looked at John and said, "I would like for you to be more comfortable tonight, John, and I know you cannot possibly find this piece of furniture restful." She looked down at the settee behind them. An impish look entered her gaze. "If I promise not to ravish you while you sleep, will you please consent to sleep in the bed? It is quite large and I think we would both fit well enough in it."

John seemed hesitant and Teyla wondered if he still did not feel worthy to sleep beside her.

"Having you here each night has made me feel very safe," Teyla confided. "But there are times when I awaken and I know it would be comforting to have you beside me so I do not need to get up to make sure you are still here."

John's eyes had a bit of humor in them but also curiosity. "You get up and check on me at night?"

Teyla gave a simple nod.

John chuckled and admitted, "I check on you quite a bit, too. Seems like maybe being in the same bed might keep us from all our nightly wanderings."

A smile grew on Teyla's face. "Good, come when you are ready."

They both set about their nightly routines, washing up, checking locks and making sure everything was in its place. John allowed Teyla to slip behind the screen to don her night clothes and he sat down to take his boots and socks off. He pulled on his night pants and t-shirt and folded his clothes and put them aside. He checked the doors and windows one last time and turned off the lamps in the main part of the room. He noticed Teyla had turned off the lamp beside the bed, too.

He moved tentatively around the screen, the light from the fire dimmer here, and noticed Teyla had already slipped under the covers. She gazed up at him as he appeared and gave him a warm, sleepy smile.

"You sure, Teyla?" John gave her one last chance to pull out if she wanted to.

She rolled her eyes and pulled the covers down next to her. "I am simply offering a comfortable place to sleep, John, that is all."

John sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the covers to slide his legs in. "I'm just warning you, sometimes I snore a little bit."

Teyla chuckled. "Yes, I am aware of that and it really is not a  _little_  bit. Sometimes you are quite loud. But this way I will be closer to you and could perhaps get you to stop. I have heard of some interesting ways that have been most effective."

John was almost nervous but then saw the gleam in Teyla's eyes and hoped she was kidding. The last thing he needed was a clothespin on his nose or some other remedy. He turned toward her and stared at how beautiful she was. Her night wear was a simple loose gown that had a half dozen buttons down the front, many of them open allowing him to see more skin than he probably should. But it was still very chaste and reminded him of Ma Walton and he toyed with the idea of saying, 'Good night, John Boy,' but he figured the joke would be totally lost on her.

So he simply whispered, "Good night, Teyla. Thanks. I'm glad we talked, and that you aren't moving out."

"I am pleased as well, John. And I feel that my dreams will not be as troubled knowing you are close by to keep me safe."

"I hope so, Teyla. I'll always do everything in my power to keep you safe. I hope you know that. And I'm sorry for the times that I failed you in that respect."

Teyla reached her hand out and touched his chest. "John, please, you have never failed me. You have done all that you are capable of. I could ask no more of you. If you had attempted more, things would have been far worse for both of us. And if you were dead, then you would not be here now to protect me and keep me safe."

John covered her hand that rested against him and replied, "I'm not sure how much protecting you really need, Teyla, you've always been able to take care of yourself. Heck, you can kick the crap out of me. But whatever you do need, I'm more than happy to do it."

Teyla knew she had always been a fighter and had never needed anyone else but when Erus had threatened her with being taken by the four guards she knew that John was the only one who could rescue her then. And he had. And he had done it again right before they escaped. It had made her realize that she was not all powerful and that fact had scared her more than anything else. The thought made her involuntarily shudder.

John saw the shudder and reached his hand out to touch Teyla's cheek then slide his hand into her hair, loose now that she had removed the pink ribbon.

"If I take up more than my share of the bed, just give me a little push," he teased trying to get her mind off the troubles she'd obviously just been thinking about. He watched as Teyla stared at him and gave a gentle smile. He wanted to kiss her but didn't want to freak her out. But then they'd already gone way past kissing but he didn't want to think about that time. He wanted to start fresh. And a small, little kiss was certainly a nice way to start.

He leaned closer and whispered, "Good night," again and pressed his lips softly to hers, waiting to see her response. Her lips moved shyly against his and returned the pressure. Their eyes were still open as their lips continued to skim over the others, assessing the reaction of the person next to them. When they realized they were both okay with it, their kiss deepened and John moved his hand to caress her face then move to the side of her neck. When it moved to her shoulder, Teyla stiffened and John froze.

His eyes flew open to see a tiny flicker of fear enter Teyla's face. He immediately moved his hand back to her face and gave her a bright smile. His lips touched hers just briefly then he moved back to his own pillow. Teyla's eyes were apologetic but John just grinned and held her hand against his chest and closed his eyes. He could feel Teyla relax against her own pillow and within minutes her breathing had become rhythmic, indicating she was asleep.

He opened his eyes and watched her sleep for a while, feeling a surge of protectiveness wash over him yet again. She had enjoyed the kiss but John knew she wasn't quite ready to advance any further than that. And he completely understood. It could be some time before she was ready to experience passion and desire again, if she ever was. But John would be patient. He would wait the rest of his life if he needed to.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four

Chapter 4

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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The chill in the room woke John up and he snuggled deeper into the warmth of the thick comforter. It took him a few minutes to realize that his body wasn't aching from the twisted position he usually was in when he awoke. And the chill was from the fact that he hadn't added any more logs to the fire since he had settled in the bed last night.

But remembering last night had him opening his eyes and confirming that he had indeed slept in the big bed right next to Teyla. And there she was tucked snuggly into his right shoulder, her hand resting next to her head which was lying on his chest. Her lashes lay heavy on her cheeks and her breathing indicated she was still very much asleep.

He slipped his left hand out from under the padded quilt and checked his watch. He still hadn't changed it from Atlantis time but he knew what the difference was and realized it was at least a half hour past when he usually woke up. Apparently he had slept really well last night. He hadn't woken even once and he usually did. The settee was extremely uncomfortable and the blanket he'd been using wasn't as warm as he'd like it. But if he kept the fire stoked then he didn't really have to worry as that kept him warm.

But he'd never gotten up last night to add more logs to the fire and so the air in the cottage was cooler than usual. He knew he should get up and get the fire going again especially since Teyla liked a cup of tea in the morning. He'd gotten in the habit of making sure she had hot water to do that when she finally got up. But he knew moving would probably wake Teyla up and he really hated to do that.

His thoughts moved back and forth between knowing he should get up and go for his run and wanting to stay right where he was with Teyla cuddled warmly in his arm. He could feel his right hand resting against her back and wished he had the courage to caress her with it. But last night had taught him she wasn't ready for that yet. And he needed to respect that.

He wasn't even sure how she would feel knowing she was sleeping against him like this. She had gone willingly into his arms and allowed him to hold her last night as they stood in front of the fireplace and yet again near the river. But when they had gotten into bed she had stayed on her side with only her hand clenched in his, laying against him.

Right now, though, her entire body was pressed against his right side and just the thought of that alone made him feel suddenly warmer than the flames from the fire would have done. He pulled the covers over both of them a bit higher so only her head was exposed then rested his hand on his chest touching  _her_  hand. He turned his head so he could see her peaceful face and he felt his body fill with peace also.

The last month had been more than a little topsy turvy for them but for the first time since they'd been captured, he almost felt calm. They'd made the mistake of splitting up on the planet P2X827 to check out some leads on Ancient equipment they'd heard about. They figured each group had someone with the ATA gene. But as he and Teyla had moved behind a stand of tents they had felt something sharp strike their necks and before he could radio for help they were both falling to the ground.

They had woken up in a cell in what would then become a nightmare. It hadn't taken long for them to be made aware that they were now property to be sold as slaves. And when they were told what they'd be doing as slaves, he had tried to keep the contents of his stomach from coming back up. And not so much because he was worried about himself but for Teyla.

He tried to push aside all that had happened the next five days as they were processed and checked for disease and 'tested' out for working parts. It still made him nauseous to think of it. And then they had been sold. They'd been bound and transported to yet another world, although their residence was far cleaner on this world than the little holding cell they'd been in.

He and Teyla had actually occupied a small room together near the masters' chambers. Apparently so they could be called in at a moment's notice if they were 'needed'. They'd only been needed once before the couple who had bought them had decided they were going on another shopping trip to some other planet. But that time had been enough.

He supposed he should feel lucky that they hadn't wanted him and Teyla separately. They had needed some stimulation to get them going on their own and so he and Teyla had needed to 'perform' for them. He wasn't sure that the second time was any easier than the first except the masters had been in their large bed surrounded by long, hanging, sheer fabric and he and Teyla had been on a small chaise lounge across the room. It had definitely been easier pretending no one was there but he still had felt self conscious and that he was forcing himself upon her.

But when they had tried to resist, the masters had threatened having several of their servants tie Teyla down and take her anyway and they would watch that. It had been their choice they had been told. Some choice! But when he had looked at Teyla, she had grabbed for his hand and with tears in her eyes had nodded her consent.

They thought the next few days without the masters would be better and they furiously looked around for ways to escape. The opportunity presented itself when the grown twin daughters of the masters had come looking for John to amuse themselves with Mommy's new toy. He wasn't proud of the way he had tricked them or what he had to do to get away but he was glad he had managed. And he'd managed to grab a sharp letter opener along the way.

Which he promptly used to slit the throat of the two guards who thought Teyla was free for the taking now that the masters were away for a few days. But the sight of her, tied to the bed struggling for her life as one of them stroked his manhood in preparation for her, sent a rage through him that he'd never felt before. He never gave it another thought as the blood of that man sprayed across the room ending the torment he had planned for Teyla.

He had quickly untied Teyla and thrown her some clothes that weren't covered in blood and they had maneuvered their way through the large manor trying to get away. That's when they had found Tenyse. She had hidden them in the kitchen as more guards poured through the house looking for them. And she had promised to help them get to the gate if they would only take her home.

The bond was forged at that time. Tenyse had never tried to escape before as there were too many people to get past and she wasn't strong enough to overpower them. But the strength of John and Teyla, together with Tenyse's knowledge of where the gate was, and their willingness to actually wound or kill those in their way, had gotten them to the gate. As neither of them had their GDO, the obvious choice had been Tenyse's planet of Dimitta. They could make their way back to Atlantis from there.

Little did they know that in the nine years since Tenyse had been there, the control crystal for dialing the gate had been stolen, lost or damaged somehow. They'd taken the two day trip to bring Tenyse home and John had gone back to see if he could find some way to get the gate working. But he knew without the crystal there wasn't a chance in hell.

He'd left a marker there on the slight chance that Atlantis could indeed locate them. But he'd wanted them to know they'd need to travel two days before they would be found. The remnants of the village by the gate had obviously not been home to anyone in many years and he wanted to make sure they knew to look further. But since a jumper couldn't fit through the gate due to nearby trees and rock formations, they'd have to go on foot.

He sighed. But all that was just a dream.

Of course having Teyla in his arms like this was also a dream. One he'd had for many years. And now it was coming true. But at what cost? But he supposed he shouldn't complain since he and Teyla had only been held captive for about a week. Poor Tenyse had been held for around nine years. He wasn't sure how many of those she'd been working 'upstairs' but he couldn't even imagine the pain and suffering she had gone through regardless of how long.

Teyla shifted slightly and John held his breathe, really not wanting her to wake up yet. Having her in his arms was so excruciatingly wonderful, he didn't want it to end. But then he thought back to Atlantis and what would happen if they managed to get back there. Would they be able to continue their romantic relationship? Did they really even have a romantic relationship yet? He had only truly kissed her yesterday. What they had done while in captivity didn't really count.

But he wanted to continue this relationship even though he knew that the physical part of it would have to wait. Teyla seemed fine with a few light kisses but anything more at this point wasn't going to fly. And he was okay with that. His feelings for Teyla were so much stronger than he ever thought possible. He had only realized just how strong they were when people were threatening to hurt her. But he wanted her and her sweet ways and her little mischievous smile when he teased her. He had a sneaking suspicion that she liked it when he teased her. It's why he did it so often. It was one way of making her smile and forget all the crap that had happened.

He wanted her friendship and her bravery and he wanted her to always be there when he screwed up so  _she_  could tease  _him_. And he wanted her to care about him the way he cared about her. Deeply, gently, honorably and absolutely. She was that important to him.

He thought again of Atlantis and knew if they somehow found them today and they were returned, he and Teyla might not have the opportunity to truly explore what could be between them. There would be too many people around, watching them, trying to get them to work out the problems they had from being held captive. They'd say their feelings for each other were only based on what they went through together. They'd spend more time with the base shrink than with each other. Here in this quaint, little village, in this cottage they had started to call home, maybe they could explore the possibilities.

Of course he would never tell Teyla those thoughts. He wasn't even sure he truly desired to stay here versus being returned to Atlantis but he knew the chances of being found were slim to none. So maybe if he convinced himself that being here at this moment in time was better than being in Atlantis, he wouldn't get too depressed about the fact that they probably weren't leaving here.

He looked down at Teyla and noticed her eyes had opened and she was gazing up at him, a tiny smile playing around her lips. His lips curled in the same direction.

"Morning beautiful," John whispered and squeezed the hand he held in his.

At the endearment, Teyla's cheeks flushed and her eyes looked away in embarrassment. She looked at how she was draped half on John's torso and started to apologize.

"I am sorry, I must have gotten cold and was looking for warmth."

She attempted to move but John's arms tightened and held her still. "You're fine, Teyla. You've been keeping me warm, too. That's kind of my fault, though. I usually keep the fire stoked up and this bed was a little too comfortable so I just slept right through the night. See, there was a good reason to keep me over by the fire."

"But we do not need the fire to blaze all night if we are able to provide warmth for each other here, is this not true?" Teyla ventured a bit shyly.

One side of John's mouth twisted up. "Good point. But the cottage will be a little chilly when we get up. If you don't mind that, then we're good."

Teyla gave a deep sigh, moving closer to John as she did. "I will admit that I also had a very restful sleep last night. Perhaps the best since we have been on this world. I wonder if there is a correlation."

"Or maybe I'm just a really good pillow," he teased.

Teyla gave a dainty chuckle and moved her hand over John's chest. "Yes, perhaps you are."

The feel of her hand gliding across his chest made his breath catch and he closed his eyes and lowered his lips until they touched her hair. She tilted her head and glanced at him with another contented smile.

He lowered his head even further but before his lips touched hers he asked permission. "Is it okay if I kiss you again?"

Teyla gave her head a little nod and shifted to align her face closer to John's. He closed the distance and she met him halfway. John didn't want to scare her any so he kept it light, his lips skimming across hers in a gentle whisper. His right hand pressed her a bit closer to his body and his left slid under her hair to cup the back of her neck. One of her hands was trapped between their bodies but her free hand moved around and ran up and down his muscled back.

When she continued to enjoy the feel of his lips on hers he exerted a bit more pressure and closed his mouth and opened it again, nipping on her lips, first the bottom then the top. Teyla mimicked the action and John was glad to see she didn't seem bothered by what they were doing. She continued to follow his lead and explore the taste and feel of his mouth as well.

He moved his mouth up and caressed her cheek and forehead with his lips then continued down to her nose and nipped on the end of that as well. Teyla's eyes were closed and her breath had sped up but she gave a tiny chuckle when he did this.

"Are you in need of breakfast by any chance?" Teyla asked impishly.

John gave her nose another kiss then moved back to her mouth. "Nah, I'm good right here. You?"

"I am very good right here," Teyla said breathlessly and shifted to continue kissing him.

John's tongue poked out to run over his lips and when they encountered  _hers,_ transferred attention. But he kept it simple and merely outlined her lips with his tongue but did not venture inside no matter how much he was dying to. Teyla's hand pulled him in closer too and she kept her mouth open slightly to allow his lips to continue their tracing.

John opened his eyes and took in the sight of Teyla so close, her lips begging for his to touch them. The image of it sent a pang of desire straight to his center and he had to grit his teeth to attempt some control. But Teyla must have felt that a certain part of him had started standing at attention, hoping to be noticed. John eased away from her a bit and gave her a chagrined look.

"Don't pay any attention to that," He growled facetiously and shrugged. "It's just a morning thing. It has absolutely nothing to do with the beautiful woman lying in bed with me."

Teyla's eyes gleamed with mirth. "It is quite difficult to ignore."

John rolled over onto his back, closed his eyes tightly and groaned. "Sorry, Teyla."

"I was not complaining, John," Teyla informed him quietly but when he opened his eyes he saw that she did seem a bit uncomfortable. Maybe it was time to get up anyway. He should have gone for his run an hour ago.

John pushed himself into a sitting position and slid his legs onto the floor. "I'm gonna go see what I can salvage of the fire and get some water boiling for you. Why don't you stay huddled under these covers until I can get the chill out of the air."

Teyla looked at where the sun was angled in the room and commented, "It appears later than usual. You did not go for your run this morning. Will you go now?"

John glanced at his watch again and said, "No, it's kind of late. I promised Shuntar I'd meet him this morning to check his progress on the coolers he's making and then I wanted to see if Timnis has those metal panels for the water heater. And I need to get that stump out of the ground so I can expand the garden so I'm sure I'll get my cardio vascular exercise that way today."

He turned back to look at Teyla all tucked under the blankets. "You know I'm probably going to get fat now, right?"

Teyla looked very confused. "How so?"

"It was easy getting off that torture device each morning to go for a run and get the kinks out. But if I'm sleeping in this bed next to you, I'll stay here until you kick me out."

Teyla didn't answer, just gave a pleased look and pulled the covers closer around her. John bent down and gave her one last kiss then walked to the fireplace to see if he could coax some sparks from the burning embers.

Twenty minutes later he had enough heat going that he could transfer some burning logs to the stove and start heating water for Teyla. He knew this was going to be a tradeoff. Sleeping on the couch was awful but the fire was usually easy to get going in the morning as he tended it often in the night. But sleeping in the bed with Teyla was so incredibly delicious and restful, he almost didn't mind the extra work he needed to do in the morning.

He got himself washed and dressed then heard Teyla moving around behind the screen and she came out a few minutes later in a pair of dark colored pants and a light blue blouse. He had to admit Teyla in a pair of snug jeans was a very nice sight. Not that the sight of her  _all the time_  wasn't a very nice sight.

Teyla poured the steaming water in a mug then asked, "John, would you like some tea, also?"

John smiled at her and replied, "That'd be great. Although I really do wish they had something like coffee around here."

"I do believe Shalise spoke of one tea that comes from the mountain region that is especially strong and revitalizing. I wonder if you would like it and if we could get some."

John nodded his head as he picked up the basket on the counter and brought it to the table. "I'll ask Finn and see if he knows about it. Usually a run wakes me up pretty good but on the days where I'm  _coerced_  into skipping my run, I'll need something else." John gave her a mischievous grin at these words. Teyla just blushed.

John lifted the towel inside the basket as Teyla took a sip of her tea and held up the last of Tenyse's muffins. "Only one left. I'll have to see if I can sweet talk Tenyse into making us some more. I'll split this one with you."

Teyla took another sip of tea and smiled. "You may have it John. It seems my stomach needs some time in the morning to wake up before it will allow me to put anything sweet in it."

John waved it in front of her face and checked, "You're sure?"

Teyla nodded and John didn't waste time devouring it. They sat pleasantly for a while discussing what plans they had for the day then washed up the mugs and headed for the door.

"Would you like company for your walk to town this morning?" John said gallantly and held out Teyla's jacket for her.

"That would be very nice, John. I think I would enjoy it," Teyla replied and watched as John pulled on his own coat. John then moved to the slate board and picked up the chalk as Teyla frowned in confusion.

John just smiled and said, "I'm just kind of used to leaving you a note as to where I am." And he wrote 'TOGETHER' in his typical scrawl. Teyla smiled at the sentiment. She had to admit being together with John was quite pleasant.

They left the cottage and began the journey to town. John was glad it didn't really get too cold here as this walk would be a real bitch if there was snow falling or subzero temperatures. But for now it was simply brisk. He took Teyla's hand in his and rubbed his thumb over it to keep it warm. She moved slightly closer to conserve the warmth. He smiled when he realized conserving warmth seemed to be a theme today.

As they passed by Tenyse and Finn's house, they saw their two teenagers, Zeth and Kalina, run out the door and race past with a "Hi, John, Hi, Teyla!"

John chuckled. They were probably late for school and the older kids went to school in the next town so they had a bit longer of a walk.

"Oh, to have your only problem be getting to school a little late," John mused and Teyla looked up at him.

"Were you often late to school?"

John just rolled his eyes. "We were never  _allowed_ to be late. Dave and I always went to private school and my father had us chauffeured there. And our chauffer was this big brute of a guy who would come in and literally grab us even if we weren't ready."

"A chauffeur?" Teyla asked. "What is that?"

"It's someone who is hired just to drive people around."

"And this is typical for your people, to have another to drive you places?"

"No," John sighed realizing he'd never really told Teyla anything about his family. "But my family is really … wealthy. And a lot of rich people have chauffeurs. But no one on Atlantis really knows that. People treat you differently when they know you have money."

Teyla nodded her head in understanding and John realized that it was possible she'd never see them again to divulge that information anyway.

"Who is Dave?" Teyla continued with another question.

"He's my brother," John admitted hoping Teyla wasn't upset that he'd never talked about him before.

She stopped walking for a second and looked curiously at him. "Is he still alive? I have never heard you speak of him."

John squeezed her hand and continued the pace. "Yeah, he is. And so is my Dad but I haven't seen either one of them in quite a few years, not since before I went to Antarctica and that was a year before I came to Atlantis."

"I sense there were problems," Teyla surmised, especially knowing John had given the impression that he had no family.

John sighed again and remained quiet for a minute. Teyla allowed him the time and knew he would eventually answer her question in some way.

"My Dad liked things … his way. And I didn't always want to do things … his way. It caused more than a little friction between us, especially when I joined the Air Force instead of working for the family business with him."

"And your brother?"

"Dave was mostly collateral damage," John shrugged. "He was a major suck up and did everything just the way Dad planned for him. He used to try and get me to see things Dad's way so we had a few arguments too and it kept me from getting in touch with him as much as I should have. Which is too bad because he was married to this really great lady and they had a few kids. The youngest was just a baby last time I saw him. I usually tried to send birthday cards and stuff but it's a little hard to do from another galaxy."

"I am sorry, John," Teyla sympathized and squeezed his hand. "And now … will your people inform them of your disappearance?"

John looked up at the sky and then back down to Teyla who was wearing a very concerned expression. "I don't know. I guess at some point they'll probably have to. I don't know how they'll take it. Depends on what they tell them I suppose. My Dad will most likely feel vindicated like he knew it was a bad idea to join the military."

Teyla leaned closer to John's arm and claimed, "I know they will be saddened even if you do not believe it. You are a hard man to forget, John Sheppard. I am thankful I do not need to live without you. Life would have been much more difficult had you not been here with me this past month."

They approached the clinic and John climbed the steps to the porch in front. He put his hands on her arms and pulled her close. "I'm glad you're with me too, Teyla. I don't know how I'd live without you, either. And you're definitely a better choice than McKay."

Teyla chuckled and John slipped his right hand in her hair and pressed his lips to hers for a lingering kiss. Teyla's hands moved up his chest and rested there as she returned the pressure. The sound of the door opening behind them broke them apart. Shalise was standing there with a surprised and apologetic look.

"Oh, Teyla, John, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were both out here. I heard someone on the porch and figured I'd open the door for you. Um … take your time and come in when you're ready."

"We're all set," John winked at Shalise then looked down at Teyla. "I'll see you later, okay." And John reached down to give Teyla one last, tiny kiss before he stepped down off the porch.

Teyla just nodded and smiled but Shalise called out, "Have a good day, John!"

As he walked away from the clinic, he could tell it was going to be a very good day indeed.

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	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five

Chapter 5

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"We'd like to see Mr. Patrick Sheppard, please," Jack O'Neill requested of the red haired secretary they'd been told to come see. "I'm General Jack O'Neill and this is Colonel Samantha Carter."

He hated doing this type of thing but he supposed he owed it to Sheppard to let his family know what happened. Or at least the version they were allowed to tell anyway. He looked over, thankful that Sam had been allowed to return to do it with him. And it gave them a little time to be together.

The secretary looked up and paused for a second in surprise at the two military officers standing in front of her. But she had her job to do.

"May I ask what it's in reference to? Mr. Sheppard is currently in a meeting. I'm not quite sure when it'll be over."

"It's a confidential matter," Jack told her and tried to put some charm into his smile.

"But it is extremely urgent that we speak with him," Sam added politely. "We can wait."

The secretary looked uncertain for a minute but the uniforms seemed to help in her decision. She rose from her desk and walked toward the door to her right.

"You can wait in Mr. Sheppard's office if you'd like. Hopefully he won't be much longer."

"Thank you," Sam smiled at the woman as she closed the door behind her. She looked around and saw a very spacious office, not surprising for the CEO of a corporation this size, with a desk, couch, some chairs and a few bookshelves. She sat on the couch and watched as Jack strolled around the room.

"Who would have guessed that Sheppard came from money," Jack commented as he looked at the posh surroundings. "Not really the image he portrays, huh?"

"It is kind of hard to picture John as the jet setting/ Country Club type," Sam responded.

Jack walked around the room some more and stopped to look at a variety of pictures resting on top of a low bookshelf. He leaned closer and squinted, wondering if he was really seeing one of them.

"Look at this." He picked up a picture to show Sam and she got up and moved closer. The other pictures were of Patrick Sheppard and his family obviously. One most likely a family portrait and Sam chuckled when she saw what must have been a preteen John and his parents and probably an older brother. John's hair was sticking up all over the place in this one, too. Several were of what was probably the brother with a woman and two small children and then the children a few years older.

Then Sam looked at the picture Jack was holding. It was John, although very much younger and a young woman in a white bridal gown. She hadn't realized John had been married. Jack just looked at her and raised an eyebrow silently saying he hadn't realized, either.

"Sheppard had a lot of things he kept secret apparently," Jack stated.

Sam shrugged. "Well, he wasn't really one to do a whole lot of talking about himself, that's for sure."

They replaced the pictures and sat back on the couch, hoping they could get this over with soon. It was always depressing, especially when it was someone you really respected.

.

"Mr. Sheppard," Carol called to him as he walked out of the conference room. When he approached his office door she stalled him. "There are two military officers in there; a General O'Neill and a Colonel Carter. They said it was important they speak with you but they wouldn't say what about."

Patrick Sheppard gave a grin. It must be the Government contracts he'd bid on. This would be a great boost for the company. He turned around and caught his son David's eye as he also exited the conference room. David should be in on this, too. After all, he'd been training him to take over the company some day when Patrick decided to retire.

When David got closer, Patrick nodded his head in the direction of his office and said, "I've got military brass in there. My guess is the Government contracts. I hope they've already made a decision and aren't just looking for more information."

Patrick opened his office door with David a step behind him. He frowned when he saw the officers wearing blue and not the green uniforms he was used to with the Army brass. But it didn't matter who told him he'd gotten the contracts, so long as they did.

"General O'Neill?" Patrick greeted and assumed it was the gentleman, not for any sexist reason, just that he was older thus probably a higher rank. Sure enough the man held out his hand to shake and then the woman did the same thing.

"And Colonel Carter. This is my son and right hand man, David Sheppard."

David shook hands with both of them and Patrick motioned for them to sit down again. When they were seated Patrick took the bull by the horns.

"I'm hoping you've read my proposal and have realized that Sheppard Industries is the best company for the job. I can guarantee you won't be displeased."

O'Neill looked at the face of Patrick Sheppard and then his son, who were definitely ready for business and felt his stomach drop. These two were in for a rude awakening.

"We're not here for any proposal, Mr. Sheppard," Carter replied seriously. "We're from the United States Air Force."

O'Neill cleared his throat and announced, "I'm very sorry to have to tell you that your son, Lt. Col. John Sheppard has been declared Missing in Action. You have my deepest condolences."

Patrick took a second to completely understand what the man had just said. They were from the Air Force and John was missing. Not just missing but declared MIA. That couldn't be a good thing. He took in a deep breath and tried to still his heart from the extra beats it was trying to pump out. He looked at David and could tell he was having a hard time processing this information as well.

"Missing? What happened?"

O'Neill looked at Carter and knew the story they would tell even though it wasn't exactly the truth. Sam nodded indicating she would tell them.

"Your son's transport went down and we haven't had any communication from him. We've had search parties out looking but so far we've come up empty handed. We don't plan on giving up on John but we can't continue to expend resources for just his search."

"So you've stopped looking for him?" Patrick clarified. "How long did you even try? I know John may not be the most important soldier you have but he's still a member of the US Military. You should be putting in a decent effort."

"Actually, Mr. Sheppard," Sam explained, "We  _have_  put in a very good effort and John is an  _extremely_  important member of the US Military. He's the Military Commander of the base I'm in charge of. He's proven himself over and over again. And believe me, his men are more than anxious to find him. They respect him a great deal."

"The Military  _Commander_?" Patrick exclaimed in surprise. He'd never figured John would get that far. "Is it a small base?"

Carter knew she couldn't divulge too much information but she figured this man had a right to be proud of his son. "John commands about two hundred men and women and is responsible for the security of another two hundred civilians who also reside there."

Patrick remained silent for a second, lost in thought. Then his eyes, filled with a pain he tried to hide, lifted and he asked, "When did this happen?"

"About two months ago," O'Neill informed them.

"Two months!" David Sheppard exclaimed. He couldn't believe this had happened that long ago. But truthfully they never really knew where John was. They hadn't really for the last three years or so. And now it explained why John hadn't sent Kristy a birthday card last month. She was only three but John had managed the last two years, although the first year's card had been almost three weeks late. He looked at his Dad and saw his anger start to bubble over.

"You knew about this for two months and are only telling us now!" Patrick yelled not even trying to control the fury in his voice. He took another deep breath knowing it wouldn't do any good to lose his cool.

"We were hoping," O'Neil said calmly, "that we could locate him but all our leads have led nowhere and as Colonel Carter said earlier, we can't keep sending men out just looking for John."

David noticed they had both called his brother by his first name. "Did you also know my brother?"

"Yeah," O'Neill looked truly upset about the situation. "He saved my life a few times, mostly by not listening to orders but I can't really be upset about that now can I?"

"So you've just given up on John?" Patrick accused. "Let him fend for himself if he's still alive."

"We definitely haven't given up hope, Mr. Sheppard," Carter assured him. "But the truth is we aren't even sure where to look. We're not positive what his position was at the time that he went missing."

"Well,  _you_  may not have resources to continue the search," Patrick charged, "But I have plenty of resources. Give me an approximate location and I'll continue the search myself."

"I'm sorry but we can't really do that," O'Neill stated. "What John was doing was classified and even if we had a general vicinity, we couldn't allow you to send anyone out there. It's just too dangerous."

O'Neill thought Sheppard was going to argue again and he couldn't really blame the guy. He knew what it was like to lose a son and he knew he would have done anything to get him back again. But it wasn't like they could set the guy loose in the Pegasus Galaxy.

David looked at his father as he remained quiet. Then he thought of John lying injured and alone out in the middle of a desert somewhere. The thought made him feel nauseous. "Was John alone or did he have others with him?"

"There was one other civilian with him," Carter informed them.

Patrick thought about this and was glad that John hadn't gone down alone. If he'd been injured, he at least had someone to help keep him company. Unless, of course, they had both died on impact. But he didn't even want to think of that scenario.

"This civilian, have you notified  _his_ relatives yet?" Patrick wondered what their reaction would be to this news.

"She didn't have any family," Sam told them. "She was a local and helped us with diplomatic matters and negotiating. The people of her village do know however since she would visit them often."

"She?" Patrick questioned. "John and this woman were friends or were they involved in a romantic relationship?"

Sam and Jack looked at each other curiously. "I don't believe they were but then I only arrived on base a few weeks before John and Teyla went missing. I do know they were very close but they worked together extensively also."

"Teyla? That's the woman's name," Patrick checked and at Carter's nod he continued, "Is she the type who would do what she could to help John if he was injured?"

Sam understood what he was saying. He was wondering if John would have someone there for him if things got really bad. She tried to reassure him. "As I said, Teyla and John are very close. I know they would do anything for the other. They've put their lives on the line for each other quite often in the past. I have no reason to think they wouldn't do it again."

Patrick stayed quiet for another few minutes then swallowed hard. "Tell me the truth. Is it possible my son is in the hands of people who wish him harm?"

Patrick saw the glance O'Neill and Carter gave each other and tried to keep his lunch from coming back up again. O'Neill gave him the truth. "It's very possible."

Patrick's eyes closed for a few moments and they could see him trying to hold onto the control that apparently the Sheppard men must be famous for.

"If we get any more information, Mr. Sheppard, we'll make sure we let you know," Carter told him then she and O'Neill stood up. "I promise you, we won't just give up. John is important to a lot of people."

Patrick and David stood up too but before they could leave, Patrick cleared his throat. "You wouldn't happen to have a recent picture of John, would you? I haven't seen my son in about five years and maybe …" his voice cracked a bit and he cleared his throat to try again.

Sam didn't let him. "I'm sure someone on base has a recent picture if you don't mind candids. If you give me your e-mail address I can send them to you quicker. Mail tends to be a bit slow where we are."

"And you don't want to share that information obviously," Patrick looked curiously at them hoping maybe they'd at least give him a continent. If John never returned it would be nice to know his final resting place. He shook his head knowing that kind of thinking would just make him crazy.

Patrick handed Carter a business card and O'Neill looked at both men. "Again, you have the sincere condolences of the United States Government."

Sam and Jack walked down the hall quietly and entered the empty elevator. Jack made a face and snarled, "This part of the job really sucks, you know."

"I know," Sam said and tucked her arm in his. "And I almost think MIA is even worse than dead since you don't even know for sure. I wish we could just get a lead on that picture but so far nothing."

She and Jack had been in a relationship for a while even though most people didn't know about it but she had kept the explicit details of Sheppard and Teyla's capture even from him. She felt a little guilty about it but figured it wasn't really relevant unless they actually found them. And then it would only be relevant to the therapist they would be assigned to. Because after two months of being a slave, any kind, they'd need some help but with what she'd seen of the tape, she knew John and Teyla would be in need of some heavy duty emotional support.

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David watched the two officers leave the room and closed the door behind them then he looked to where his Dad was sitting at his desk. His fists were clenched together and his head was resting on them. David wasn't sure what to think either. He hadn't seen John in about three years and then it had been a really short visit. Kristy had just been born and John had popped in to the house to wish them congratulations.

He'd only stayed about an hour and played with Scotty, who was two at the time, for most of that hour. Then he'd told Dave that he was leaving for a mission and he'd probably be out of touch for a while. David had gotten the impression that John was kind of nervous about the mission and that maybe it was more dangerous than all the other ones he'd gone on.

David had tried to get John to go see their Dad but John was adamant. He knew Dad would just yell at him, call him irresponsible, tell him he shouldn't be doing all these stupid dangerous things, and John was probably right. Dad would have done just that. But they hadn't seen each other in over a year at that point and he knew they'd had a big blow up the last time they'd been together too.

John had managed to send birthday cards occasionally the last few years but they never actually said anything about where he was or what he was doing. Not that the kids needed to hear what Uncle John was blowing up or shooting down but it would have been nice to know a location so he could show them on the map. Now he may never have the opportunity.

He looked over at his father whose head seemed to have sunk a little lower into his hands. "Dad, are you okay?"

Patrick looked up at the son who had always followed his advice and done what he wanted him to do. The son who had stayed by his side and helped grow the business that his own father had started many years before. Then he thought of the one who had never listened to anything he had said and had done whatever the hell he pleased. And he knew he still loved them both the same regardless of their actions.

But he hadn't seen John in far too long and he had to admit he was very much to blame for that. And now he might never see him again. He always thought there would come a time when John would finally come to his senses and join the family business and so he never worried too much about making amends with his youngest son. It would happen.

Except now maybe it wouldn't. It was possible his son was dead; killed in some crash somewhere and he didn't even know where. Or he might be held by some ruthless insurgents being tortured and beaten for information or just for fun. And the woman he was with, well in that instance he figured she was better off dying in the crash than to be subjected to …

His thoughts trailed off as despair rippled through him. He looked up at David and took a deep breath. "I'll be okay. I can't allow myself to think that John is dead. I have to believe he's still alive. He survived living with me all those years, he can survive anything. I made him tough. That should get him through whatever's thrown at him. We have to believe that, David."

David swallowed hard and nodded his head. He wanted to believe also but he had seen the looks O'Neill and Carter had passed between them. They said they were holding out hope but they knew something they weren't telling his father and him. And whatever it was, he didn't think it was something good.

"Why don't you come over and have dinner with me and Amy and the kids tonight, Dad. It'll keep your mind off things. I do want to head home now and let her know what happened. You know she always got along with John pretty well. I have a feeling she'll be fairly upset. If you come over it will give her something to do and keep her mind off this. What do you say?"

Patrick thought about it and realized he really didn't want to sit home alone all night and think about the possibility that his baby boy was dead or hurting. Maybe a little distraction would be a good thing.

"That's sounds like a fine idea, David, thank you. I'll just finish up a few things here and then head over. But make sure Amy doesn't go out of her way to make anything special, just whatever you were having anyway is fine."

"Okay, Dad," David said, "I'll see you in a little while."

David left the office and Patrick leaned back in his chair looking around the room trying to find a distraction. Unfortunately what his eyes landed on wasn't the kind of distraction he needed. He got up and reached for the pictures on the book shelf. There were only two of John; one at his wedding to Nancy and the other when his mother was still alive and he had been about twelve.

He sat back at his desk and looked at both of those pictures. He and John had always butted heads. But lately he realized that the thing they'd fought about the most was John doing what Patrick wanted him to. He'd never given John a chance to really be himself. But John had taken it anyway and done what he wanted.

John was too much like his mother and sometimes he wondered why he tried to change him so much. Patrick had loved his wife and so therefore he should have loved John for who he was. But after the boys' mother had passed away it was just too painful to see her spirit and zest for life shining through in John's eyes. And so he had tried to quell that spirit, stomp on that zest for life and adventure. But he'd never been able to do it.

The only thing he'd been successful at was alienating his son and keeping him far away. And now he was still far away and possibly never coming any closer. And the worst part was that the last words they'd spoken had been in anger. Now he might never have a chance to let John know that he was loved. That no matter what he did or how angry Patrick had seemed, his father still loved him.

Patrick kept staring at the picture, willing John to be okay and return home. But as he sat there, the picture started to become blurry until he could no longer even see it. But he didn't bother to clear his vision; there was no one around to see him after all.

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	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six

Chapter 6

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sgasgasgasgasgasga

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"Teyla, are you feeling unwell?" Shalise asked as Teyla came back from the water closet, her face pale and moist. Teyla tried to muster up a smile but after vomiting for the past ten minutes, it was difficult.

"I will be fine. Something I ate must not have agreed with me."

"Except John says you don't actually have anything for breakfast except a cup of tea," Shalise countered, concerned about her friend.

"John worries too much," Teyla said, finally getting a smile on her face. "He feels he must make everything perfect here for me. And he should not be bothering you with my eating habits."

"He cares for you and I do, too," Shalise stated. "And I noticed the past few mornings you have been very pale. It does not seem to last all day however you do appear to be more tired these days."

"I am fine," Teyla assured her although she knew the tired part to be true, also. And her stomach had gone from just being upset to downright nauseas this past week. But it did not last long so she did not wish to bother her friend with it.

"I am still adjusting to living on a new world with new food and daily activities. I am not used to being so sedentary, either. Perhaps I should go for a run with John each morning. Maybe that would help to wake me up."

"Maybe," Shalise said skeptically. "But I think maybe I should have a look at you. We have no patients at the moment and my very reliable assistant has assured that all the cabinets are stocked nicely."

Teyla started to protest but Shalise simply took her hand and led her into the exam room. She took her temperature and vital signs and listened to her heart and lungs and then asked her a few questions about what she normally ate and when and how often she'd felt sick.

"As I have said, it is only in the mornings when my stomach objects to food. That has been going on for some time and I am sure it is just the time difference and my body has not adjusted to it yet."

"But you and John have been here over two lunar cycles," Shalise commented thoughtfully then her eyes opened a bit wider. "Speaking of cycles, Teyla, when was the last time you had your female cycle?"

"Not that long ago," Teyla said quickly but then began thinking and realized she had not had it since they had come to this world. But the stress they had been through could certainly account for that inconsistency.

Teyla's eyes gave her away and Shalise asked, "Have you had it since you've been living here?"

Teyla sighed and admitted, "No."

"Is it possible you are carrying a child?"

Teyla thought back to the last two months on Dimitta. She and John had started sleeping in the same bed about half that time ago but they had not participated in anything more than some heated kisses. John seemed to know she needed time and he had been so gentle and kind and patient.

But their time before they arrived here, time she was trying desperately to forget, had been filled with shame and degradation. It was possible a child was planted inside her at that time. She looked at Shalise and nodded.

Shalise noticed her friend's apprehensive face and smiled. "Well let's do a test and see. There's no sense worrying about something until we know for sure."

This planet was advanced enough, especially with the training of Dr. Valetudo, to have simple methods for many things. Teyla provided a urine sample and Shalise added some powder to it and let it sit in the back room she used as a lab. It would need a while before they could tell for sure.

The two women got busy with several injuries and a fussy baby and finally had a chance to go look at the beaker in the back. Shalise picked it up and stirred it again then showed it to Teyla. It was a light shade of blue. Teyla had helped Shalise with another pregnancy test a few weeks ago and knew this meant positive.

Teyla took several deep breaths as Shalise emptied and washed the beaker and set it on the counter to dry. Then her friend looked back at her and noticed her face was pale again.

"This obviously wasn't planned I assume," Shalise theorized. "Did you and John not wish for children then?"

"It has never been discussed," Teyla confided in Shalise. "There has been much upheaval in our lives recently and I am not sure how John will react to this. We still wish to return home and have not given up hope, however we are beginning to realize that perhaps we should embrace our life here."

"You know that the people of this town have embraced both of you as one of us," Shalise pointed out. "I know it is not your home, but we hope we have made you feel welcome and given you all you need to be happy here."

Teyla reached for her friend's hand and squeezed tight. "Everyone has been truly wonderful and John and I could not ask for more. Please do not misunderstand. You have all made us feel as if we belong and we are very appreciative but our true home is elsewhere."

"I understand. Perhaps you wish to find John now and tell him of the news," Shalise suggested.

Teyla took a deep breath knowing this would be a difficult conversation considering the circumstances. And she knew John had many items on his agenda today so she decided it would be best to wait. Maybe it would give her time to figure out exactly how to tell him.

Teyla smiled at Shalise. "I will inform him when I get back to the cottage this afternoon. We will need privacy and time I am certain."

Shalise nodded her understanding and squeezed Teyla's hand back. "Please know that I am here for you, Teyla, should you need something or wish to talk. And know that there is some crusty bread in the back room that might help settle your stomach."

The crusty bread sounded good and she was glad Shalise was here for her. Because she had no idea what John's reaction to this news would be and she might definitely need a friend very soon.

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"Are you sure you want us to have the big one, John," Zeth asked excitedly as he held up a large fish. "You are the one who caught it. You and Teyla should enjoy the prize."

John laughed and handed a smaller fish to Kelina who just held it like it was a school book. He didn't know too many fifteen year old girls from Earth who wouldn't squeal and yell if you handed them a fish. Or at least the debutantes that he'd grown up with certainly would.

"That fish is way too big for Teyla and I to finish tonight and we wouldn't want to waste it," John told him. "And fish doesn't keep too well in the cooler for some reason. Just tell your Mom that we'd certainly be happy to take a few more of those berry muffins she makes if she feels guilty about the fish."

Kelina laughed as John picked up his tools and rod from the ground. "John, you know Mother would be more than happy to make you some muffins. You don't have to bribe her with fish. She is aware that Teyla is … not as talented in the area of cooking. Plus you know Mother would do anything for both of you. And we would, too. You brought her back to us and we will never forget that kindness and generosity."

John just rolled his eyes and looked embarrassed at the compliment. Then he pointed away from the river. "Now go and bring those fish home before they flop out of your hands. And if your Mom needs more berries for those muffins, tell her we have plenty down here and we'd be more than happy to pick them for her."

"As long as you get some of the results, right?" Zeth confirmed and got a firmer grip on the large fish he held. "Bye, John, we'll see you later."

The two teenagers skittered up past the cottage and saw Teyla just coming back. Zeth held up his prize. "Hi Teyla, John caught a whopper and gave it to us but don't worry he has more for you, just not as big."

Teyla smiled and greeted the children. "Zeth, Kelina, It is good to see that John was busy today. Please give your parents my thoughts and good wishes."

"Of course, Teyla, we'll see you later," Kelina called out as she skipped home with her brother.

Teyla could see that John was still by the river and decided to join him. He had stretched out on the wooden bench that he had built and placed there. She knew he had done it primarily for her as she loved sitting and listening to the river rush past. It was very therapeutic.

He saw her coming and slid over to make room for her.

"You're back a bit earlier than usual. Slow day?" John asked as she sat next to him.

"Yes, it was not very busy and Shalise thought I appeared tired so she suggested I come home."

Teyla thought about that and knew she had just called this place  _home_ , and that's what it had become; she and John and their little cottage. But would it still seem that way when John knew what had transpired during their time in captivity?

John gazed at her concerned. "You  _have_  seemed quieter than usual and I have to practically pull you out of bed in the morning. Is everything okay?"

Teyla kept her eyes fixated on the river and took a deep breath. She knew this would be difficult but it must be done and putting it off would serve no purpose.

Teyla turned toward John and stated, "I am carrying a child, John."

John's eyes grew dark and frightened and his breathing grew swifter. "You're pregnant? You're sure? Shalise did some sort of test?"

Teyla simply nodded but did not move her eyes from John's face. And the sight she saw made a vice tighten around her heart. John was horrified. He did not even try to hide it.

Teyla stood up and headed for the cottage. "I thought you should know. I will allow you time to yourself."

She moved up the path and glanced back to see John still staring at the river, unmoving. She felt moisture start to gather behind her eyelids and tried to blink it back. She was stronger than this. She would not allow herself to feel pity. Perhaps John just needed time to process the information.

She let herself in the cottage and began pulling vegetables out of the bin to cut up for their dinner. She'd seen that John had a fish sitting near him at the river and figured that would be their main dish. She would simply boil some vegetables to go with it. That was easy enough and perhaps John would tease her about her cooking again.

Remembering his eyes and the horror in them when she'd given him the news, made her catch her breath and she felt the tears gather again. She continued to push them away but after she'd busied herself for a while and the vegetables were sitting on the stove, she had nothing to distract her and they began to fall in earnest.

How would she deal with this pregnancy if John was living here completely opposed to it? These people did not have the knowledge to terminate it and she would never do that to a child regardless of the circumstances of conception. It was hardly the infant's fault if one or both of the parents had not desired the joining.

She stared down at the sink and rinsed the knife she had used to chop the food. When the back door opened and closed, she quickly grabbed a dish rag and dried her hands attempting to dry her eyes as well without John noticing. But the tears still fell and she could not look up at John to see more disgust or dread in his eyes.

John saw the tears Teyla tried to hide and it pulled at his gut. He thought they were slowly getting over what their captors had done; if not forgetting, at least not always reliving. It was bad enough they'd had to go through it but now Teyla had a constant reminder of it. It just wasn't fair.

He wanted to go to her and tell her everything would be all right and that she shouldn't worry. But he couldn't guarantee that. He'd make everything as good as he could but he couldn't undo what had already been done. And he hated that he had let her down in so many ways by not protecting her better.

He came to stand right behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He could feel the tension in them and began to knead his thumbs in circles to try and ease the stress. Her head dropped forward and he could feel her chest heave with the sobs she still tried to control. John couldn't stand her to be so miserable. The Teyla he knew could handle anything. But lately they'd both come to comprehend that maybe there were some things that were just too much to deal with, even for them.

He turned her to face him and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. He moved his lips to her hair and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Teyla. I am so sorry. I wish I could take away what happened but I can't. All I can do is help you through the rest of it."

Teyla's weeping seemed to calm at his words and John felt his heart lift a bit. She tipped her head up and the moisture filled eyes ripped at his insides. Teyla should never have to be this sad.

"I know what happened is unacceptable and that you did not wish to become a father but I feel …"

"Wait!" John exclaimed. " ** _I_**  did not wish to become a father?"

Teyla looked him right in the eye and claimed, "This child is yours, John. You did not realize this?"

John's thoughts raced through his head. "But how can you be sure? I mean … the times I wasn't there with you..."

Teyla's eyes widened with comprehension. No wonder John had reacted so negatively to her news. She shook her head slowly and lifted her hand to caress the side of his face, his beard tickling her fingers.

"I am certain you are the father, John, because no other man ever entered me. There was only you."

"But," John stammered, his heart racing, "the day we escaped, there were two guards and the one  _near_ you said that it was his  _turn_. Didn't the other one …? And no one else…? While we were in the slave trader's cell …?"

Teyla moved her face closer and touched her forehead to John's. "We were subjected to many degrading and embarrassing procedures but no other was I intimate with."

John's breathing became ragged and he tightened his grip on Teyla for a second then let go and moved toward the fireplace. He picked up the poker and began stoking the flames but Teyla could see his hand was shaking. When he noticed it, too, he took another very ragged breath, replaced the fire tool and sat down in the nearby chair. Teyla saw his head drop into his hands and his shoulders move up and down with his uneven breathing.

She didn't understand what was happening and so she cautiously approached him and knelt at his feet to gaze up at him. When she saw his face, her eyes refilled with tears. And they were exactly like the ones that filled John's eyes and trailed down his cheeks.

When John saw Teyla sitting in front of him he lifted a trembling hand and touched her hair then her cheek. He cleared his throat and blinked his eyes a few times.

"This whole time I thought …" John's voice grew thick with gravel and he attempted to smile but his mouth simply twisted sideways.

"Then this is  _relief_ you are feeling?" Teyla questioned at the atypical display of emotions John was showing.

John could only nod, the lump in his throat so immense. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Teyla's forehead and framed her face with both hands. "Relief but still the guilt is there that I didn't do more to keep you from having to deal with everything else."

Teyla pressed her lips to John's forehead this time and sighed, "John, I do not hold you to blame, you are aware of this. And you must try and forgive yourself. You are far too hard on yourself when it comes to protecting others. You cannot protect all the people of this galaxy no matter how much you wish to."

"I can't, huh?" John smirked, trying to gain control of his emotions again. "Then how about if I just protect you from now on; you and this child." Suddenly his eyes lit up and a genuine smile graced his face.

"My child?" It was stated as a question but Teyla knew he wasn't really asking. But it was finally sinking in and maybe from the expression on his face he didn't completely hate the idea. The tears welled up again and she knew she would need to get a handle on this. She didn't know why she so emotional all of a sudden.

John sat back in the chair and pulled Teyla up and into his lap, swinging her legs over the side. He reached down and gently kissed her lips then gazed into her eyes.

"So we're gonna have a baby," John stated obviously and Teyla wondered if he didn't just like hearing the words. "You and me. You're gonna be a Mom and I'm … gonna be a Dad."

John made an exaggerated face at the last words. "Not sure what kind of Dad I'll be though, Teyla. Maybe I'll have to ask Finn for some lessons like Tenyse gives you with cooking."

"You will be a wonderful father, John. Of that I am certain. You are so patient and kind and the children of Athos would flock to you whenever you came to visit. I was occasionally jealous when this happened as I had not seen them in a while either and I thought they should all want to see me."

John grinned. "Yeah, but they knew I had chocolate with me. You've gotta know, candy wins every time."

Teyla allowed him his little excuse but she knew that he was very good with children and they most especially loved the stories he would tell; the ones he called fairy tales. He had begun doing this with the children in town and they too began to flock to him whenever they were near.

Teyla rested her head on John's shoulder and placed her hand on his chest. She closed her eyes and gave a contented sigh.

"So you are not distressed that I am pregnant, John?" Teyla just wanted to clarify and reassure herself.

John's arms tightened around her and his lips whispered across her nose then went to her lips for a brief contact. "Now that I know that you weren't … I mean, you know …" he gave a deep sigh also and confirmed, "No, I'm not distressed."

John looked down at Teyla curled up in his lap and thought about their situation. They'd been given this little cottage with no strings attached and had everyone in this town willing to give them a hand in anything they needed help with. The people were definitely more advanced than many of the worlds they'd visited and he wondered if it had to do with the fact that they hadn't been visited by the Wraith in many decades.

The Wraith had destroyed the village near the gate and the people who were left had decided to move far away from it so if any Wraith came through they would think everyone was gone. And they had moved large boulders and planted trees so no Wraith dart could get through therefore finding them further away. And it had apparently worked for hundreds of years allowing these people to develop further than others.

And now they were here and it seemed as if they might be here for some time. He hated to think for always because there was a little bit of him that knew Rodney and Ronon would never stop looking. He just wasn't sure they'd actually find them. The tracks had been obliterated by too many trips through the gate and too much time.

His hand moved to rest on Teyla's still flat stomach and he thought about his child. This wasn't a bad place to raise one, all things considered. And the more he thought about it the more excited he got at the prospect. He remembered Scotty, his brother's little boy, and the last time he'd seen them. The kid had been two and John had spent almost the whole time building towers and roads and zooming cars over them and sometimes into them. But it had been fun and he had enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would.

But Scotty would be around five now and the new baby, Kristy, would be about three. He grimaced as he remembered that it had been her birthday about a month ago. He usually tried to get a card to the kids at least but he'd had a few other things on his mind and he was pretty sure the Postal Service around here wasn't very efficient.

As his fingers moved where his child rested he leaned a bit closer and said, "Hey, you know you have a few cousins. I'm not sure you'll get a chance to meet them but I just thought you should know."

At Teyla's puzzled look, John grinned and pointed to her stomach. "Just chatting."

"To the baby?" Teyla chuckled when she realized what John meant.

John almost looked affronted. "Yeah." Then he lowered his head again and continued. "Your Mom thinks I'm being silly but don't worry, she'll come around and I'll get her to give you a few pep talks before you make your debut, okay. But for now you'll just have to deal with me."

Teyla closed her eyes again and relaxed against John as he continued his mutterings to her stomach. He was telling the baby the names of his cousins and how old they were. Then he started talking about Uncle Ronon and Uncle Rodney and all the people on Atlantis. Then he moved on to the Athosians and how great they were.

"But you'll have to get your Mom to give you more information about them because they're her people and she knows all the right things to tell you. I can just tell you that you come from good folks."

Teyla laughed when her stomach grumbled and she told John the baby was hungry. John went out and fetched the fish and within minutes had it baking in the oven with some herbs and bread crumbs on top. Teyla was still always amazed at how he just knew what to do with food. And it was just as delicious as she knew it would be and her boiled vegetables were palatable as well, though certainly no one could call them tasty.

Conversation during dinner and cleanup was typical although John kept asking questions about her pregnancy. Unfortunately Teyla had little information as she'd never actually been pregnant before. She promised she would ask Shalise the next day.

They took their usual walk down to the river and sat for almost an hour just listening to the water rush past. John started his chatter with the baby again, explaining how the water was really important to the people of the town and how when he was old enough he'd teach him how to fish and maybe even how to cook the fish because his Mom was no good at stuff like that.

"Hey," Teyla objected with a chuckle. "I will not allow you to speak to this child if you are saying negative things about me."

John knelt in front of Teyla and got really close to her stomach and looked around like he was telling a secret. "

"I know I hinted that your Mom isn't a great cook. And that's true. But you also need to know that she is so great in so many other things. I can't even name them all. If I tried, you'd be ready to come out by the time I finished the list. So I'll just let you find out when you get here. But I can tell you this; you are one lucky kid. You have the best Mom in the whole world, actually make that a few galaxies. But you'll know this the second you come out and meet her. But right now I think she's really tired and I need to put her to bed."

John stood up and pulled Teyla to stand next to him. He slipped his arms around her back and held her for a second. "I'm sorry for my reaction earlier. I realize now that you were crying because you thought I didn't want this child. That can't be farther from the truth, Teyla and I just want you to know that."

Teyla smiled as her hands rested on his shoulders. "I believe I figured that out from your very long conversations with my stomach. Will this be a regular occurrence?"

John chuckled. "Yup, get used to it." And he guided her back to the cottage.

Once there they went about cleaning, checking locks and stoking the fire. When John climbed in next to Teyla a short while later, he leaned down and kissed her belly murmuring, "Good night, baby."

Teyla narrowed her eyes and claimed, "I believe I am starting to get jealous of this child."

John pulled the covers over both of them and pulled Teyla into his arms facing each other. "Don't worry, I have to make sure to keep the Mama happy, too."

His lips closed in on hers and whispered lightly across them and Teyla closed her eyes in true happiness. After a few minutes of kissing, John lay back and Teyla settled in her usual position against his chest. Her eyes were heavy and she knew it wouldn't be long before sleep claimed her. She thought about the moment she had discovered she could be carrying a child and remembered the panic. Now she knew things would be okay. Even though this child's conception was not perfect, Teyla knew that growing inside her was their son or daughter and this child would go a long way in helping them forget all the horror they had been part of.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seven

Chapter 7

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"John seems to be enjoying himself tonight, Teyla," Tenyse commented as they watched the groups of people frolic in the large barn that was holding the town dance. John was on the dance floor and Kelina was showing him some of the moves typically done for this type of music.

"Yes," Teyla replied. "I am happy to see him having fun. He has spent so much time working lately, clearing stumps and expanding the garden and I think this evening's festivities will help him relax some. And Kelina seems to be enjoying dancing with John herself."

She watched as John and Kelina linked arms and swung around the dance floor, Kelina's face alight with pleasure.

Tenyse grinned. "I believe Kelina has a bit of a crush on John. She is always talking about him and how kind he is to her and how handsome."

Teyla smiled but a gleam entered her eyes. "Should I be jealous? John certainly does seem to enjoy her company."

Both women laughed and a third voice piped in behind them. "After the way he kisses you goodbye in the morning, I do not think you need be jealous of anyone, Teyla." Shalise joined them in watching the fun.

"Morning kisses out in public, Teyla?" Tenyse teased. "Is this proper?"

Teyla blushed furiously and Shalise explained, "It is usually on the front porch before Teyla enters the clinic in the morning. But I must admit I enjoy watching. John is a very quiet man but he does so care for you, Teyla. That is fairly obvious."

Teyla knew that John did care for her. He had been even more solicitous of her since they had discovered she was expecting a child a month ago. And as she was now about three months along she was beginning to feel the tightness in her clothes. The waist of the skirt she was wearing tonight had needed to be left unbuttoned in order to fit and she feared she would need some new outfits soon.

Shalise was the only one who knew as of yet and she was thrilled to learn that John had been fine about the baby, even excited. But he had also been a bit worried and almost every morning when he walked her to the clinic, which he insisted on doing now, he would ask Shalise a question about her condition.

Shalise had been patient and had graciously instructed them both on what to expect from each trimester and appropriate foods and herbs to consume and what to avoid. And John had been a stickler in making sure Teyla got what she needed. Teyla had humored him but was secretly thrilled that he was so interested in her well being and that of their baby.

And she loved when he had his little conversations with their child as he did routinely each morning upon waking and every evening as they prepared for bed. He would inform the child what was going on in town and what progress he was making on the water heater or his frustration that removing stumps from the ground was hard work and how he longed for just a tiny bit of C-4 to help move the process along.

"Yes, John has been wonderful since we arrived here. And you Shalise, I believe Tolden has been showing you quite a bit of caring this evening as well. He has hardly left your side. I am surprised you are here speaking with us now." Teyla attempted to take the attention away from herself.

It was Shalise's turn to blush. She looked around the room then leaned in close to the other two women. "Yes, he has asked me to marry him and I believe I will say yes."

Teyla and Tenyse smiled greatly and gave Shalise a hug. "He has been hoping to ask you for some time or so Finn has told me," Tenyse revealed.

"We are pleased for you, Shalise. The two of you make a very nice couple. I hope you will be happy," Teyla offered.

She knew Shalise's first husband had been killed about seven winters ago by a jacktu, one of the wild beasts that occasionally came down from the mountains in the winter months. They had only been married for a few years and had not had any children yet.

That was when Shalise had decided to start her training as a healer and Dr. Valetudo had been more than happy to begin her studies. She knew that her husband could possibly have been saved had a knowledgeable person been able to close and suture his wounds but unfortunately none was available and he had bled to death before one could be beckoned to the town.

"Have you decided when you will be wed?" Tenyse asked in a mischievous tone.

"I have not told him  _yes_ yet," Shalise admitted. "That is why he is across the room. I believe he is sulking."

Teyla gave her a little push and instructed, "Go and tell him. Put the man out of his misery and then we will celebrate."

Shalise looked across to where Tolden was standing with several other men but his eyes were glued to Shalise. She threw him a sultry look and strolled casually across the room. His eyes grew intense and he looked hopeful as he met her halfway. They walked arm in arm to the door and went outside.

Teyla followed them with her eyes then looked back to where John and Kelina were exiting the dance floor, John's arm thrown casually over the young girl's shoulder. Kelina was beaming with pleasure.

"Kelina's definitely put me through the paces," John huffed as they came closer. "I might not need to go for my run in the morning."

"That is unfortunate," Teyla replied with no little bit of cheek. "I had thought to go out running  _with_  you tomorrow."

"Really," John grinned and slipped his hand from Kelina's shoulder to lean in closer to Teyla. "Maybe I should still go then; except it's almost impossible to actually get you out of bed these days."

Teyla noticed Kelina's smile dim as John removed his hand so she addressed the girl, "Kelina, thank you so much for keeping John busy. Otherwise he has a tendency to get in too much trouble."

Kelina smiled shyly again and John looked behind them at the table laden with drinks. He moved toward it and grabbed a few non-alcoholic ones and offered them to Kelina and Teyla. They took them thankfully then John grabbed a few of the cups of ale and offered one to Tenyse. Tenyse looked curiously at John's choice of drink for Teyla then began sipping her own.

When Kelina finished her drink she excused herself to go find some friends. Teyla watched as she approached several other teenage girls and she smiled when she saw them all look in John's direction and start to giggle. Obviously Kelina was getting a fair amount of attention for having just spent so much time with him. Apparently Kelina was not the only one who thought John was attractive.

And Teyla could hardly blame them. He did look especially nice tonight. His dark pants were slim fitting and his navy blue shirt tucked into them showed his nicely muscled torso and long, thin legs. Teyla herself felt her heart flutter wildly when she knew he would be sliding into  _her_  bed tonight. And even the freshly trimmed beard did not distract from the overall appearance.

She was still undecided on the beard. She had finally gotten used to it but had to admit it did tickle when they kissed. She wondered how it would feel if it moved over other parts of her. Her body warmed at the thought and she wondered if she was ready for the next step in their relationship. They had been stalled on kissing, though John  _had_ begun moving his lips further down her neck and she had yet to complain.

 _Who would complain about John's lips on their neck?_  Teyla thought humorously. She certainly had not. And she was so thankful that John had taken things slow, especially considering what they had already done in the past. She knew many men would assume to take liberties since they had already travelled that path. But John did no such thing. He was starting at the beginning and taking his time. Well except for the fact that they slept in the same bed every night cuddled close together.

But that had been therapeutic for them both. She still had nightmares about the time they were held, both by the slavers and by the masters. Nightmares that ended with John not being there to save her from being completely assaulted by the guards. But when she woke panicked in the middle of the night, John was always there to hold her and lull her back to sleep with whispered assurances. And she knew she had helped a few nights when  _his_  dreams had haunted  _him_. The presence of the other was extremely comforting and she wondered how she would have survived had they actually gotten back to Atlantis instead of coming here. They would not have been in the same bed or even in the same room.

But thoughts of Atlantis were sometimes too painful to really focus on so she let her gaze wander around the room at all the amazing people who had allowed them to join in their life. She saw that Finn had now joined his wife next to them and their son Zeth was across the room with Sarana. He had gotten up the nerve to ask her father if he could court her. He was only eighteen but on this world and many others in this galaxy, life began much younger.

She thought of Tenyse and Finn who were only a handful of years older than she and John yet they had teenage children. She and John were just having their first. That thought brought other thoughts to mind and she wondered if they would have more children or if this would be their only. John had truly been thrilled that they were having a baby but would he wish to try for more? Of course the point would not matter if they never went beyond the kissing they were now engaging in.

She saw that Finn was dragging Tenyse onto the dance floor now that the band was playing something slower and Tenyse called back to them, "John, I believe Teyla wishes to dance, also."

John smiled down at Teyla and tilted his head in the direction of the dance floor. "Shall we trip the lights fantastic?"

Teyla's brows furrowed in confusion and John took her hand and said, "It's just an Earth way of saying 'do you want to dance?' Come on, I'm not giving you a choice. My arms are getting a little lonely and need you in them."

Teyla knew she could not refuse John when he was being so charming and sweet. She went willingly into them and he drew her in close; one arm on her back, the other holding her hand near his heart. He moved his head close to her ear and whispered, "Hmmm, this is much better. This slow stuff isn't so taxing on the old body."

Teyla chuckled knowing John's body was far from old. "You know Kelina and her friends do not have that opinion. Apparently they all think you are quite nice to look at."

John looked decidedly uncomfortable and Teyla chuckled again at the face he made. She shrugged and told him, "They are teenage girls and most are boy crazy at that age. But I will protect you from them if you wish."

"Really?" John managed a smile at this. "And how exactly would you do this?"

Teyla's smile was serene yet held a bit of sass in it. "I will simply show them that you are spoken for and they may not have you."

John was enjoying her playful banter and continued with it, his voice gruff and low. "And what would show them this?"

"Well, first I must display some outward sign of my affection for you." She moved her lips and pressed them gently against his. "This will most likely do."

"And is that all it takes?" John asked with a devilish grin.

"Not entirely, no," Teyla teased. "I believe you will need to also exhibit some form of attraction and affection for me as well."

John's eyes peered around nervously. "Here in the middle of all this?"

Teyla simply chuckled knowing John was not at all comfortable with displaying his emotions in public. Teyla's hand on his shoulder moved to his cheek and assured him, "Do not worry, John, I believe they are aware of our relationship, especially as we live together."

John sighed that he was off the hook but then noticed the group of teenage girls all staring at him from a corner of the room and giggling to each other. Maybe just a small exhibit of attraction would be okay. He tucked his nose into Teyla's hair and nuzzled her neck and Teyla moved her head fractionally to allow for this action. His lips then skimmed across her cheek and nibbled at her lips momentarily.

John rotated Teyla slowly and asked, "Have they stopped staring? Do you think they're convinced?"

Teyla saw the girls all deep in a heavy sigh at John's tender motions and she knew he had only strengthened their opinion of him. But she also knew that these girls all knew of John's relationship with Teyla and would never do anything to interfere with it. Their thoughts of John were nothing more than a teenage girl's romantic dream. When she was young she had dreamed of some tall, handsome man coming along to carry her away.

And as she looked at John she realized that she now had that. He was tall and most definitely handsome and he had carried her away from what would have been an unspeakable life. She felt sudden emotion well inside her and pulled John closer.

"Thank you, John, for being here with me and for all you have done," she said and her voice cracked at the last word keeping her from finishing her thought.

John lowered his lips to her ear and whispered, "You know I'd do anything for you, Teyla. You mean everything to me. Don't ever forget that."

Teyla gave a tiny nod and repeated, "And you mean everything to me, John."

John had forgotten about the giggling girls and just held Teyla close as the music finished. They spent more time on the dance floor both slow and fast and Teyla laughed at John's enthusiasm with swinging her around in his arms at the rollicking music.

Teyla noticed when Shalise and Tolden came back in and Tolden's face was beaming with enthusiasm and pride. She tilted her chin in their direction and said, "Tolden asked Shalise to marry him and I believe she just accepted the proposal."

John gazed in the direction Teyla was indicating and rolled his eyes. "It's about time. Finn told me he wanted to do it since this past winter. Guess he finally got up the nerve."

Teyla gave a genuine smile and replied, "I am very happy for them. I know Shalise loves him very much and they will be good together."

Apparently the news travelled quickly around the barn and more drinks were poured and toasts given. Then the people with small children started heading home and more drink was poured. Teyla laughed at the antics of some of the adults and several times caught some of the teenagers trying to sneak some of the ale. John had stopped drinking the ale earlier on and when the party started getting really rowdy he asked if Teyla was ready to go home. She was.

They went to say goodbye to Finn and Tenyse and the kids but they also had decided to depart. Finn went to tear Zeth away from Sarana and John volunteered to retrieve Kelina from her group of giggling girlfriends. John almost wished he hadn't when they all stared at him as he walked over.

"Ready, kiddo? Your folks are all set to leave and so are we." When he saw the look of envy from all her friends and Kelina's shy smile, he was thankful he had come. She was a sweet kid and if he could make her a bit more confident then he was happy to do it.

He looped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in the direction of the door where the others were waiting. He waited until they walked out then removed his arm and pulled gently on her braid giving her a wink. Then he sidled up to Teyla and slid his hand around her waist.

The conversation was general for the first few minutes then John brought up the subject he and Teyla had decided they would share with their closest friends. Although he did it in a roundabout way.

"So, Finn, I was thinking I wanted to add some space onto the cottage. I was wondering if you could maybe give me a hand with that."

Finn looked curiously at him and asked, "How much space?"

John looked down at the ground and said, "I was thinking two rooms off the left side of the house. Teyla and I are still sleeping in the main room."

"And what is the other room for?" Tenyse asked suspiciously.

John gazed down at Teyla and they both tried to hide the goofy grins that had appeared on their faces. "Well, … the uh, … family's expanding and we'll need another room come winter."

Finn stopped dead in his tracks but Tenyse jumped up and ran over to Teyla to engulf her in a big hug. "I had a notion that was the case."

Finn looked curiously at his wife. "How did you know?"

Tenyse rolled her eyes. "Because I am observant of the things around us. Teyla did not partake of the ale this evening or have wine anytime we shared a meal recently. And there are parts of her that have begun to  _fill out_  a bit more." She looked pointedly at Teyla's chest but only for a moment.

John saw where her eyes had gone albeit quickly and he had taken notice of that, too. Not that he spent a whole lot of time staring at that part of her anatomy, he tried to convince himself.

Finn shoved his hand out in front of John and clapped him on the back as they shook. "Congratulations, John! Welcome to parenthood."

As Kelina gave Teyla an excited hug, John looked at Finn sheepishly. "I told Teyla you might have to give  _me_ lessons on what to do."

Finn slapped his back again and gave a hearty laugh. "Oh no, my friend, that is something you must learn all on your own. It is a rite of passage. But I would be happy to offer advice from time to time should you feel overwhelmed."

"I always accept free advice," John admitted as they began to move down the road again.

Finn lagged behind a bit and lowered his voice. "My advice for now is to be as helpful and kind as you are able. Pregnant women have a tendency to be very emotional. It is something to do with the change in their bodies as they carry the child."

"Hormones," John grinned. "Just what I need on top of everything else that's been thrown at us."

Finn just sent him an empathetic glance and John felt guilty knowing this man understood more than any what they were going through. He quickly brought up the subject of the addition again, not really wanting to get into any emotional ramifications of their situation. He hated discussing feelings and especially didn't want to say anything while Kelina and Zeth were in earshot. They still didn't know exactly what their mother had gone through and he didn't think they ever needed to.

A few minutes later they were saying goodbye to them with more hugs and handshakes and Teyla and John continued down the road to their place. Once inside, John made sure the fire was going strong even though the nights had started to be warmer. If they still had embers in the morning it was easier to get a fire going to heat food or water.

They both went through their nightly routine and John moved behind the screen in his sleep pants only, looking for his shirt.

"Teyla, have you seen my black t-shirt?" he asked her back and saw her nightgown tonight, while still loose, was sleeveless, probably due to the warmer weather.

Teyla turned around and John saw that she hadn't buttoned up any of the top front buttons yet and he got a tantalizing peek at the golden mounds that had been filling out more lately. He tore his eyes from the distracting sight and tried to focus on her face.

"I am sorry, John. I washed it this afternoon and I fear it is still on the line outside. But it is warm tonight so do not feel you must wear it. I am not offended by the sight of your bare chest."

He could see devilment in Teyla's eyes and so he grinned and said, "Okay, so long as you aren't offended."

Teyla slid into the bed and John sat next to her realizing she had yet to button up her gown. He lowered his eyes briefly and pointed out, "Um, you're uh… kind of still undone there."

Teyla's eyes glanced down and she gave an impish smirk. "Are  _you_ offended at the sight of  _my_  chest then, John?"

Teyla moved closer and kneeled up next to John and reached her mouth to touch his. John pressed his lips back against hers and groaned, "No, not offended in the least."

John rose to his knees also and slipped his arms around her back. He deepened the kiss and felt Teyla respond equally. Her hands roamed his chest and his breath sucked in at the feel of those hands on his skin.

Teyla ran her fingers through the hair on John's chest, something she had longed to do ever since she had seen it after cutting his shirt open when the Iratus bug had been attached. Of course that had hardly been the time to focus on his chest as they had been trying to keep him alive. But now he was definitely alive and so she had no qualms about exploring.

John's lips continued to explore also and she felt his tongue run across her bottom lip. Her tongue felt compelled to meet his and very soon they were engaged in a fierce parry and thrust.

Teyla moved her hands around to John's sides and back, running them over the taught muscles there, enjoying the feel immensely. John's lips skimmed away from hers and journeyed across her cheek and down her neck where they nibbled and nipped until Teyla was panting at the longing coursing through her. Her short nails dug into John's back and he let out a groan, easing back slightly from her.

The fabric of her nightgown had slipped off one shoulder exposing all of one breast and the groan got a tiny bit louder as John took in the astounding view. His lips drifted to her bare shoulder to lick and nibble some more then began to roam further south.

As his mouth approached the rounded swell, he gave warning, "Tell me to stop if you're uncomfortable with anything, Teyla."

Teyla felt his lips glide across her breast and then felt his tongue poke out to flick against the erect center. A tiny whimper escaped and she managed to breathe out, "I do not think uncomfortable would be the best word to describe what I am feeling right now. But the beard does tickle slightly. I had wondered about that."

John rubbed his face against her skin and asked, "Do you want me to shave it off? I will, you know."

Teyla rubbed her hand over his face and answered, "No, I feel that this is  _my_  John Sheppard, the one who shows me how much he cares for me. The one I am sharing my life with. The clean shaven one, though my best friend, has kept himself and his feelings hidden from me, and I much prefer this one."

John didn't answer except for a pleasant hum as he continued to assail her senses with his hands and mouth. As his mouth moved across to pay homage to the other side, the fabric on that side slipped off also. Teyla drew her hands out of the folds and wrapped them around John's shoulders and head to draw him in further. He leaned back as far as Teyla would allow and feasted his eyes on the image of her with her gown bunched around her waist and her top fully exposed.

Teyla could tell he was aroused by the sight of her this way and it made her desire flame even higher. Her hands ran through his hair and over his back as his lips remained fastened to her chest. She lowered her head and placed her lips on his head and occasionally he would look up and capture her lips with his while caressing her torso with his hands and fingers, his thumbs flicking over her sensitive nubs. Then he would lower his lips again to suck and caress with his mouth and tongue.

Teyla wasn't sure how long they stayed that way with John focusing his attention between her chest and her lips but she was enjoying it. But when John attempted to place her on her back she stiffened. The memory of that position was still too harsh to repeat.

John felt her pause and looked at her eyes to see the tiny flicker of fear and his gut twisted when he realized what she was remembering. So he laid back himself and kept his hands firmly on her waist, letting her take the lead. She smiled her gratitude and leaned over him to press her lips to his again. He sighed in relief that she wasn't completely freaked out and returned the kiss.

They kissed for a few more minutes then Teyla shifted a bit so John's lips could move down her neck and again roam over her chest. John chuckled softly and whispered, "I think you like when I do this."

Teyla braced her elbows on either side of John's head as he worked his magic and replied, "I think you are correct."

John was more than happy to oblige and his hands moved up and down the silky skin of her back as he teased her front. He could see Teyla's content smile as he sucked on her nipples and ran his tongue around the golden mounds.

His hands itched to lower even further onto her luscious backside that he admired daily, although unfortunately fully clothed. It was only in his imagination or the brief memories of the times he preferred to forget, that he saw it in its natural state. But Teyla was slowly sinking onto his chest and had started pressing her lips to his collar bone as she settled warmly against him.

Most nights she slept with her head resting against him but right now she was fully parallel and her knees rested on either side of his hips. He knew he was aroused and hoped she didn't feel the fear that it might set off in her at the knowledge. But she continued to move her lips over his neck and her hand over his shoulder. He held her close and moved his hands in small circles over her back.

He felt her fully relax against him and pressed a light kiss into her hair. He tried to concentrate on his own arousal and breathe evenly to lessen the discomfort. Teyla seemed to sense what he was going through and slid her hand lower on his chest, down the path of hair past his navel.

"I am sorry, John, I know that was not fair to you. Do you wish me to …?"

John stopped Teyla's hand from going any lower and his eyes darkened. "No, Teyla, it wasn't unfair and I don't need you to do anything else but lie right here next to me. I've … got a few issues of my own to work out with some things."

The image of himself, tied to the bed as the twins had decided what to play, raced through his mind and his jaw clenched. He had managed to talk them out of what they had started doing by telling them he could pleasure them more if his hands were free. And he could pleasure both of them at the same time and neither would have to wait. But he wasn't proud of the stroking and caressing he had done until they were absorbed enough for him to tie  _their_  hands to the bed and gag them. But it had gotten him free and he had made it to Teyla before she had been brutalized. He couldn't feel too guilty but  _shame_ ; sure there was plenty of that.

He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut for a second then noticed Teyla's agonized look as he opened them again. Tears welled in her eyes and he could see a tear ready to fall and he didn't want that. She had enough trauma to deal with of her own.

"No, Teyla, don't cry for me," he begged as he turned them both so they were on their sides facing each other, a very neutral position for them. "I'm okay, really. And I'm perfectly fine with going slow in this relationship. Actually I'm  _very okay_  with taking it slow, for you as well as for me. Don't ever feel you have to go further than you're comfortable with. I think we're gonna get there,  _eventually."_ His smile turned crooked at that.

"I  _hope_  we'll get there and I don't care how long it takes," John moved his face closer to touch his nose to hers. "I'll be right here, even if it takes forever. What I have with you right now is more than I ever thought I could have and it's been incredible."

Another tear slid down Teyla's cheek but her grateful smile let John know that he'd said the right thing. He kissed her lips softly then moved further down her torso. Teyla's eyes widened in surprise and he gave her a charming grin.

"Just saying good night to the baby." And he moved her nightgown just a bit lower so he could gaze at her typically flat tummy which now was slightly more rounded. Teyla relaxed on her back and allowed him to kiss her bare stomach, the sight of it eliciting more moisture to fill her eyes.

"Hey, squirt, just wanted to say good night and let you know I'm getting really excited to see you start growing right here in your Mom's belly. I'm guessing it's going to be amazing when you really get big and I can see and feel you move. You may not have gotten your start with the best of circumstances but I want you to know that I've always cared about your Mom and I think she kind of liked me, too."

John got a little slap to the side of his head for that last remark and he chuckled. "Okay, maybe she liked me a bit more than that. The point is that we both are thrilled that we've got you to look forward to. And we love you, a lot."

He kissed Teyla's belly again then sat up and rearranged her gown so she could slide her arms back in again. When that was done, John rested against his pillow and pulled Teyla back into his arms.

His hand touched the buttons on the front and he questioned, "Do you want me to do these up?"

Teyla's eyebrows rose impishly and she said, "No, unless it will be too distracting to you while you attempt to sleep."

John's arms tightened around her and he growled, "Everything about you is distracting to me. Why should this little view be any different from any other night?"

Teyla pulled the sheets up to their waists and kept the buttons undone but as she rested against him in her typical fashion everything was hidden anyway. John snuggled deeper into the mattress and held her close. They'd crossed a few hurdles tonight, a few  _very large_  hurdles and his stomach flipped at the possibilities that opened.

But he also realized that maybe Teyla wasn't the only one with hang-ups and baggage that needed dealing with. He'd discovered some of his own. But if they took time and helped each other with care and affection, he knew they could overcome it all. And that thought was the biggest relief of all.

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	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter eight

Chapter 8

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"Okay, Stuart, thanks for taking care of that. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you soon." Patrick Sheppard hung up the phone with his accountant and looked at the papers in front of him. He couldn't believe he even had to do this. No father should have to deal with their child's estate.

But with John's MIA status being declared a few months ago, the government had sent him all John's paperwork and financial records. He still had a hard time getting his mind around the fact that John had a substantial amount of money socked away. He'd always figured that when John had gotten tired of living from hand to mouth, he'd say good bye to the military and come back to the prestigious life he grew up with.

But then he had to honestly admit that John had never really fit in with the Country Club set or the debutantes and their spend thrift ways. He'd actually always admired that about John; that he didn't really care about money. He'd certainly never had the problem that so many of his business associates had with their children; throwing money down the drain on expensive trips and clothes and parties and drugs. John even preferred the cheap beer.

Sgt. Harriman, the man who had contacted him about the paperwork he'd been sent, had told him that John, as a Lt. Colonel had made a pretty decent salary with combat pay on top of it, due to his location for the last three or so years. And he spent very little as he was provided with living quarters, uniforms, meals and transportation. John had very little to spend his money on.

He wondered if he ever spent it on this woman, Teyla. Colonel Carter had kept her promise and sent a half dozen pictures of John through e-mail and he tapped his computer keyboard and called them up from the folder he'd sequestered them in. Dave was the only other person he'd showed them to.

His son didn't look that different physically from the last time he'd seen him. But the difference he did notice was that John looked more hardened, almost world weary and not so naïve as he'd been for so long. Even with all he'd seen in his career it seemed this last position was the one to make John actually grow up a bit. This was proven by the fact that he was now a Lt. Colonel and had been given quite a large command.

 _He was now a Lt. Colonel._  Those words swirled around in Patrick's head and he wondered if indeed he was; or if he had died without anyone knowing. He guessed this Teyla would have known unless she had died first. He closed his eyes giving himself a stern lecture to stop thinking in that negative direction.

He clicked on the thumbnails and found the picture Carter had sent that had been kindly labeled as ' _John and Teyla'_. It looked like a recreation room of some sort and they had been sitting together. He couldn't really tell what they were doing as it was a fairly close up picture. But they were grinning at each other and Patrick thought they looked like they were having fun. That hardened look was softened just slightly in this picture.

He looked at Teyla and admired her beauty. John had always had all the girls eyeing him, pretty or not. He just had that kind of charm. But he'd been oblivious to it and that had just turned the girls on even more. He chuckled when he remembered all the phone calls he'd taken from the star struck teenagers who were hoping John would notice them. And most of the time he hadn't.

But he'd noticed this Teyla. There wasn't anything specific that he could point out but just something about the way John was looking at her, he could tell John thought she was special. And that made him feel just a tiny bit better that Teyla had been the one to be with him when he went down. Not that he would wish that on anyone but that John had someone with him that meant something to him.

He felt a twinge in his heart at the thought of John being dead. He had pushed those thoughts as far away from him as he could, refusing to even acknowledge that it could have happened. But the thoughts flitted through his mind and haunted him anyway. But he had to fight them and beat them back. He could not give up on his son.

But when he thought of those words, he realized that maybe he  _had_  given up on John a while ago when he had refused to come join the family business, yet again. They had slung some really strong words back and forth and Patrick knew that most of what he'd hurled at John wasn't true and he really hadn't meant them. And he'd never tried to contact John to let him know he was sorry he'd said them. But now he might never have the chance to let John know. And that hurt more than anything else; that John may have died thinking his old man hadn't loved him.

He clicked through the other pictures and smiled when he saw John in the front of a room, obviously talking to many of his troops. John had seemed fairly casual, his arm leaning against a podium instead of standing behind it. But the thing that impressed Patrick the most was that the faces of the people who were looking at John, all were giving him their rapt attention. They weren't standing at strict attention but he could see the respect they had for their Commanding Officer.

He moved to the other pictures and most were just John, perhaps cropped from larger pictures and his expression had been varied in them from grinning to extremely serious. The only other picture was labeled ' _John's Team'_. It was an odd assortment of people he thought. John was there, obviously and Teyla but the other two didn't appear military at all and Patrick began to wonder what John did if he was the only military person on his team.

But whatever it was that he did, he wasn't doing it anymore and hadn't been for about four months. If John wasn't dead then why hadn't someone heard something from him or about him? Patrick didn't even like to think of the answer to that one as it consisted of his son being tortured and abused in ways he couldn't even imagine. Yet those images tortured him at times, too. And there wasn't much he could do to control that. And he hated not having control.

Patrick took one last look at the pictures and thought maybe he'd get a print made of the one with John and Teyla. It showed John happy and with someone he cared for. It would be a nice little addition to his bookshelf. He made a mental note to do that then closed out of the folder.

He sat at his desk moving John's financial papers aside. He wasn't ready to actually do anything with the money yet. He knew John would need it when he came home. And Patrick said a little prayer that John  _would_  come home. He'd been saying a lot of those lately. He wasn't sure if it was actually working.

His eyes rose to the ceiling and he made a little promise. "I know I was very harsh on John for so many years and I know it was wrong of me. If you send him home, I promise I'll make it up to him. I'll make sure he knows how much I love him and I'll support him in whatever he wants to do. But you need to let him come home. Please."

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"So, what'd you find? Did that contact know where Sheppard and Teyla are?" Rodney badgered Ronon the second he walked into the gym.

He almost knew what Ronon's answer would be when he saw him beating the crap out of a punching bag. His enthusiasm dimmed and his stomach clenched yet again.

Ronon looked up, his eyes vicious and he growled, "No!"

Rodney took a step back from the ferociousness of his friend's answer. But he needed to know what had gone on so he made another attempt.

"Okay, he didn't know where they are but did he have any information on that couple? The one that has Sheppard and Teyla? I thought you said he recognized them."

Ronon pounded his fists into the bag a few more times then gave a big huff. "Yeah, he said he'd definitely seen them. He remembered they had a snotty attitude. But they never actually bought anything from him."

"Could he tell us who they did purchase things from?" Lorne's voice came from the doorway and he strode across the room closer to where the others were. "Someone's gotta know something."

Ronon continued to abuse the punching bag and Rodney was thankful he wasn't the one sparring with the large Satedan. Not that he ever did or ever would but it was something to be thankful about anyway. There hadn't been that much lately, not with Sheppard and Teyla gone.

"He pointed out a few vendors who might have dealt with them but they weren't saying anything or they didn't actually know where they were from. I even tried threatening them with violence but they didn't give up anything."

"Threatened them with violence?" Rodney snarked. "Now that's a surprise."

Ronon took a step forward and thundered, "You want Sheppard and Teyla back or don't you?"

"Well, yeah of course I do," Rodney cowered. "And okay, fine, I know you need to do whatever you have to in order to find them."

"Well maybe now that Caldwell's been called back to duty on the Daedelus I can try and send a few more units out just on a search for Intel," Lorne proposed thinking of the man who had replaced Sheppard temporarily the past months. "Colonel Caldwell was more than willing to let people do some interviewing while they were already on a planet but he had direct orders from the SGC not to send any more troops out just for that purpose."

"Who's replacing him? You got any idea?" Ronon grunted hoping it wasn't some tight ass who wouldn't even allow him to look for Sheppard. Until this point, Carter had given him free reign to do what he wanted in the search and Caldwell hadn't really cared since Ronon wasn't military. But he knew there were some who might want to curtail his activity if they thought they could. If that was ever the case, he'd just leave Atlantis and go out searching on his own. He owed Sheppard and Teyla that much.

Lorne just shrugged. "I don't think they have anyone in mind yet. Whatever Caldwell is being called back for apparently just came up. And I think Carter has indicated that there's no rush to replace him. I know she told me she's pretty happy with the way I've handled things in the past when the Military Commander was gone."

"So why can't they just make you Military Commander?" Ronon questioned. "You know what you're doing and I know you'd step down when we finally get Sheppard back."

Rodney wanted to say  _'if'_  we get Sheppard back but knew Ronon would probably pound him into the floor. But truthfully it wasn't looking all that promising. It had been well over four months since they'd been gone. Not that he was giving up but…

Lorne cut into Rodney's thoughts with his answer. "I don't have a high enough rank to stay here permanently as Military Commander. They want someone who's at least a Lt. Colonel. And I don't think they'll promote me just to keep me in this position even though supposedly that's what they did for Sheppard."

Rodney got defensive. "Yeah, but Sheppard had already been acting as Military Commander for almost a year before we had contact with Earth again. And the man took a suicide run with a nuke in a jumper to take out a hive ship. If that doesn't deserve a promotion, I don't know what does."

"I didn't mean any disrespect by that Dr. McKay," Lorne defended. "I personally think Colonel Sheppard is perfect for the job. He's definitely the most qualified. Now if we could just find him and get him back to do that job."

"This just really sucks, you know," Rodney whined. "I hate it. I just hate that I can't do anything about it. And I've checked the database a million times but apparently the Ancients didn't really have a listing for sex brokers in their directory."

Ronon threw Rodney a heated look then glanced past him to the doorway. Luckily no one was anywhere near them. But they still needed to be careful. The people in this room and Carter were really the only ones who knew exactly what Teyla and Sheppard had been dragged into. The men who had been with Lorne when he'd gotten hold of the tape might have had an idea but they had been told to keep everything to themselves and Lorne trusted them. And they'd never seen the extent to which Sheppard and Teyla had been degraded during their time with the slavers.

The three men fell silent, looking at the others for support and solidarity. The woeful expression on Rodney's face made Ronon slap him on the shoulder and say, "I miss them, too, McKay. It just isn't the same without them."

Rodney gave a dubious glare and denied, "Who said I missed them? Well maybe Teyla since she was always nice to me but Sheppard? I just need him here so I can experiment with his colossal ATA gene. No one else can control Ancient equipment like he does."

Lorne rolled his eyes and said, "You're so full of bull. You miss them and you know it. We all do."

"All right, maybe," he conceded. "Just a little. And only because nobody else can give me any kind of a challenge at chess. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't know what kind of demented torture they were going through right now. God, I can't even imagine having to do … that. See, if we were blissfully unaware we could imagine that Teyla and Sheppard just decided to take a little extended vacation and they were just walking through a meadow, picking flowers somewhere. See if I have that image of them in my head then missing them isn't so hard."

"Whatever gets you through, Dr. McKay," Lorne suggested. "But I'm pretty sure they aren't walking through any field picking flowers."

The three men fell silent again as they thought about exactly what kind of hell their friends were most likely in.

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"How many more of these do we need, Teyla?" John asked as he crossed the meadow with the flowers they'd just picked. "You aren't actually providing flowers for the whole town are you?"

"No," Teyla replied saucily as she handed John a few more of the sweet smelling plants. "But I want the place to look nice when we celebrate Shalise's engagement."

"Is this enough? Or do we still need more?"

"Are you in a rush to get some place, John? It is such a beautiful day and the breeze blowing sends the scent of the wildflowers right through the air."

John watched as Teyla twirled around in the field almost dancing among the flowers. She looked so pretty surrounded by the variety of colors and he knew he'd let her stay here for a lot longer if she really wanted to. They both could use some time to relax.

They'd been pretty busy lately; both of them. Dr. Valetudo had just been here and Teyla had spent much time working with him, both learning much from the other and Shalise sopping up that information as well. And he'd finally gotten the water heater built although he was still having a difficult time adjusting the temperature so it didn't scald you or come out still chilly. Timnis had promised to help him develop a valve and Shuntar had piped in his opinion on the subject as well.

And Finn had started drawing up plans for the addition John wanted to build onto the cottage. As he worked at the lumber mill he had helped with many housing projects. John was amazed that so many of these people did double duty in many professions. But with such small towns he supposed most people needed to be capable of many things.

And that reminded him of something he wanted to talk to Teyla about. He grabbed her hand and sat her down in the middle of the field, knowing he'd always remember her surrounded by these flowers.

She gave John a wide smile but a curious one. "You are suddenly quite fine with remaining here?"

"It's as good a place as any," John started. "But I wanted to run something by you. Apparently at this time of the year many of the men in town go on a trading trip up to the mountain towns. They bring lots of the goods that we have that they don't and in exchange we get some pretty great stuff, too."

"Yes, Tenyse has informed me of this. Finn will be going to represent the lumber mill. She says the trip there is about two days and then a few days for trade then a few days back."

John nodded. "I, uh, was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind … if I went along."

Teyla's gaze turned curious again. John shrugged and gave a crooked smile.

"Shuntar seems to think we could sell some of the cooling units and definitely the water heaters. He, Timnis and I were going to split the profits since we've all been working together on them."

"But you said you have not perfected the water heater temperature adjustment yet. The men will be leaving in ten days time."

"Yeah, and that leaves me with nine days to get it fixed so it works right. So," he glanced up to see Teyla's reaction. "Do you think I could go?"

Teyla's face lit up and she laughed. "John, you do not need to ask me. I am not your keeper nor am I your mother. If you wish to go then you should certainly go."

"Trying to get rid of me then?" John teased and scooted closer to her.

Teyla looked at his handsome face and knew she would never wish to be rid of him for any reason. She lifted her hand to his face and stroked down his cheek and felt the softness of the beard she had grown so used to.

"I will miss you terribly each moment you are away from me, John. I am sure I will not sleep soundly until you have returned and I know I will not eat very well, either."

John grimaced at this thought. He had to make sure his baby was fed. He reached down and caressed her stomach which was starting to pop out in a gentle mound. "Maybe I should have you stay with Tenyse while I'm gone. She'll make sure you eat well."

Teyla's eyes looked thoughtful. "I believe that idea has merit. Perhaps I will ask. But for now you need to give me enough attention to last for the time we are apart."

"I'm not leaving for ten days, Teyla," John pointed out.

"Yes, so you are already behind in showing me affection," Teyla said and moved so her lips were in close proximity to his. John took the hint and closed the distance.

The kiss was as sweet as the smell of the wildflowers that encircled them and John wondered if he really should leave Teyla alone for an entire week. He knew Tenyse would never let anything happen to her but he still worried.

John's arms wrapped around her with one hand sliding into her hair. He pressed his lips against hers again and worried even more. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I can probably have Shuntar do any of the trading. I'll just let him know the types of stuff I might need and …"

Teyla pressed her finger against John's lips and whispered, "John, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and both Tenyse and Shalise will be nearby should I require anything. And you forget that Zeth will be here and he is certainly a competent young man."

John reclined so he was on his side and pulled Teyla to lie next to him. "Promise me you won't try to lift anything heavy or move a bunch of rocks and things out of the garden. I know there's a lot to do before we can start putting on the addition but I don't want you hurting yourself and endangering the baby."

Teyla kissed John's forehead then nose then lips all just briefly. "John, I will make sure I am sensible regarding what I am able to do. I think you worry needlessly about me. Shalise assures me I am quite capable still of performing typical chores."

He allowed Teyla's head to rest on his arm and his lips skimmed her cheek then moved to her lips. "I know I worry about you and maybe it's a little more than I should. But I've never had a baby before Teyla and I know it would kill me if anything happened to you or this child, especially if it was because I wasn't there to help you."

"I will be fine and he will be fine," Teyla assured him. "He has a strong healthy mind and a strong healthy body. His kicks have become more powerful with each passing day."

"He or  _she_ , right?" John debated the point and Teyla got a sparkle in her eye.

"Actually, John, I have begun to feel the mind of this child at times of meditation and calm. And I believe the child is a boy."

John's eyes widened. "You can connect to his mind; like that Wraith Queen thing."

Teyla chuckled. "Nothing so intense however I can sense his feelings and emotions and I must tell you that he grows especially content when you speak to him."

"Really," John replied and he got a very goofy grin on his face. He then leaned down and rubbed her stomach.

"Hey, kiddo, it's your Dad. Now your Mom here is telling me that she's tuned in to what's going on in there and as she's a pretty special lady in so many ways, I'm gonna believe her. And she says you're a boy which is okay with me although a little girl would be nice too. But if you're a boy then we'll just do the girl next time."

Teyla heard John's words and felt an intense feeling of love and relief and some emotion that she wasn't even sure she could name rush through her. John had just spoken of future children with her. They had been here together for quite some time now and still had yet to progress past what John referred to as 'heavy petting' but neither had complained and both were happy to move slowly.

But if John was thinking about other children he was obviously thinking of their relationship as a very long term thing. And she couldn't be more pleased about that.

As John continued to regale their son with tales of the flowers they'd just picked and how he had to go away for a short while so he should be good for his Mom, Teyla felt the child move quite vigorously inside her. At her indrawn breath, John stopped talking and looked up anxiously.

Teyla took his hand and moved it to her stomach as the child moved again. John's eyes grew more than wide and a grin spread across his face. The child kicked again and John kept his hand there entranced.

"You trying to tell me something, kid? Like maybe I shouldn't go away and leave you and your Mom for so long?"

Teyla squeezed John's hand that still resided on her belly. "I do not think he understands what you say but he feels the emotion and warmth of your tone and it comforts him. And you will not be gone that long, John, so please do not feel guilty. Most women in town have their husbands leave on at least one of the trading journeys that are made throughout the year. And I must tell you that many of them quite look forward to the trips. "

"But not you, right?" John checked with a twisted grin.

"Not I, no. I will miss you while you are away but I know you will be back soon and you will potentially bring back some wonderful items for us to use." Teyla flashed John an impish smile. "And now I must remind you again that you are lagging behind in the affection department. If you do not provide enough for me to get through the time you are gone then I may not allow you to leave."

John looked at Teyla's sassy expression and knew he'd miss her terribly, too. But this was a great opportunity to get some goods that weren't made around here. He pulled Teyla in closer and his lips closed around hers. Within seconds they were completely wrapped up in passion and he knew he would spend the next ten nights giving her all the attention and affection she wanted. Because he had to fill up, too.

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	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter nine

 

Chapter 9

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"Teyla, is that too heavy for you?" John called out as he saw Teyla walking through the garden with the watering can.

Teyla held it up easily and pronounced, "It is  _empty_ , John."

John walked over to join her at the outdoor water pump they used for the garden. He then looked back to the garden and noted that much of the soil seemed quite moist. He narrowed his eyes and glared as Teyla pumped water into the can.

"Yeah, maybe it's empty  _now_  but I'm guessing you hauled it over to the garden a few times while it was full. Am I right?"

Teyla sighed and put her hands on her hips glaring at John. "You need to stop worrying so much. I have spoken with both Shalise and Dr. Valetudo and they agree that lifting a watering can or some firewood is not too much. And there are many things that need to be done around here and you cannot do them all."

John lowered his eyes to the ground and took a deep breath. "Fine, I know when I'm outnumbered." But he didn't admit that Shalise and Tenyse had both gotten his ear and chewed on it about treating Teyla like she was breakable. As much as they thought it was very sweet and knew it was only because he cared about her and the baby so much, they let him know Teyla was going crazy with all the kid glove treatment.

He picked up the now full watering can and walked it over to the garden but allowed Teyla to do the actual watering. She knew where she'd left off and he didn't. As he watched the soil grow moist, he got an idea of how else she could help him out.

John knelt down and dug his fingers into the freshly watered dirt, now almost mud, and looked up at Teyla. "I finished adjusting the water heater and I think it's just about perfect but I need a little help testing it. Interested?"

Teyla narrowed her eyes knowing John was not simply asking her to stick her hand under the spout. But she wasn't sure exactly what he did have in mind. "What do you need help with?"

John's mouth twisted into a smirk. "I need to see if the pressure is strong enough to wash off a good amount of dirt." And his hands took a grip of a large amount of the moist soil. Teyla saw this and started backing away.

"I do not think I need to help you with that, John," Teyla stated as she dropped the watering can and attempted to step over some of the plants.

John didn't give her much time before he swooped down on her, Teyla's voice squealing as John wrapped his arm around her waist and swung her back toward him. She connected with his body but her struggles caused him to lose his footing and they both went down right next to the tuber plants.

The mud in John's hand was now plastered over the front of her shirt and John nodded, "Well, we can see if that comes out, too. But I was thinking more along the lines of this."

John's other hand rose holding a similar amount of damp dirt and headed for Teyla's face. He was gentle though and spread it across her nose then her forehead and down her cheeks. Teyla, all the while protested but with very little force. John actually heard her giggle as the mud dripped down her neck apparently tickling her.

But the next thing that he knew, Teyla was drawing lines down John's face with dirt. And she took great pride in getting it into his beard and then down his neck. Her hand moved and unbuttoned a few of the buttons on his shirt and she spread some there as well.

"Oh, that's how it's gonna be, huh?" John chuckled and grabbed some more dirt and began rubbing his fingers up and down Teyla's bare arms.

Teyla wiggled and attempted to pull away but John held fast. "John Sheppard, you are asking for trouble."

"Nope, just asking for a little help in testing the shower," he said as he pushed his nose close to her face with a smirk on his. She pushed him away and struggled to sit up slinging a little mud in his direction, literally when she did.

John laughed again as the dirt hit his chest and slid into his lap. John looked down at it and commented, "Maybe the next thing I need to make is a washing machine. It may take a little scrubbing to get this stuff out."

"And you will be the one doing the scrubbing," Teyla warned and reached for more mud.

"Scrubbing like this?" John asked as his dirt filled hand moved toward her bare legs. The light skirt she had on had slipped down to rest on her upper thighs.

Teyla started squirming but John's hands descended and held them down as his filthy hands roamed up and down, spreading the soil all over. John loved the sound of Teyla's laughter even though she was still trying to get away.

"Are you in need of any help, my friends?" Finn's voice boomed from over John's shoulder.

John and Teyla froze and their heads whipped toward the sound. Finn was standing there with Zeth and Kelina and he was practically biting his lip to keep from laughing. Zeth and Kelina had very puzzled looks on their faces, though.

John immediately pulled Teyla's skirt lower over her legs and smirked sheepishly. "Just watering the garden and making sure the soil was moist enough. Guess we must have slipped."

Teyla hung her head and tried to hide her chuckles as she leaned into John's muddy shoulder. "John feels he has perfected the water heater and so we should be able to clean this off nicely without too much difficulty."

"That is good, John," Finn replied. "We simply came to remind you that you are welcome to our house for dinner tonight. Tenyse is making a wonderful meal to send us off on our trading trip tomorrow. We will expect you later today."

John nodded. "We'll be there. Should we bring anything?"

"Mother is all set with food," Zeth supplied. "However she is always nagging at us not to drag dirt into the house so I would make sure you clean up first."

John got to his feet and reached to help Teyla up also. "Yes, of course we will," Teyla assured him.

Zeth chuckled when he saw how completely covered in dirt they really were. "I do not think your hot water tank is big enough to provide warm water for both of you to get clean. One of you will probably need to use the cold water. I wish you luck in fighting over who will use it first."

Finn steered his children away saying, "I am sure they will figure something out." And his grin told that he knew exactly who would use the shower and when.

Kelina's cheeks turned pink and she lowered her eyes to the ground as they walked away and Teyla thought she had come to the same conclusion as her father. Finn turned back only slightly but enough to give John and Teyla a wink.

John looked down at their clothes and skin covered in dirt and suggested, "Why don't we go see if I've got that adjusted right."

They walked to the house and John pulled off his boots and left them by the back door as Teyla reached inside the house and grabbed two towels. John opened the door to the new shower room he'd built and they latched it closed once they'd entered. The room wasn't large but it had the shower unit on one side and enough space on the other side to have a small bench for clothes or towels so they wouldn't get splashed by the spray.

John had designed the shower unit to work when you pulled on a handle. It would send a burst of water through the many holed spout to shower over you. He hadn't wanted it to run continuously since the water tank wasn't very large. John, now, stood underneath and pulled the handle and water streamed over him, clothes and all.

"Might as well get some of the dirt off these clothes at the same time."

Teyla tentatively put her hand under the stream and sighed when she felt the warm water hit it. "Ooh, that is lovely, John. Just the right warmth without being too hot."

John took her hand and pulled her onto the metal flooring that held the drain. "Then come and join me."

Teyla's laugh rang loud and clear again as she stepped under and the water hit her. She lifted her fingers to rub against her arms which were covered in dirt, thanks to John. John let go of the handle and the water stopped. He stepped back off the drain plate and let her try the handle. He started unbuttoning his shirt, knowing he needed to get rid of the mud that Teyla had rubbed over his chest.

As he pulled the shirt off, he looked at Teyla cautiously and asked, "I'm gonna get rid of the shirt and pants, is that okay? I'll , um, leave my shorts on."

Teyla nodded and pulled on the handle to send more water down so she could rinse her face. But she found that she could not properly scrub with only one hand. She turned to John but took in a deep breath when she saw him in only his undershorts. He truly had an appealing body.

"John," she said breathlessly, "Could you hold the handle while I scrub the dirt from my face?"

"Sure," John replied and moved closer to pull the handle, thinking he should make a hook to attach it to for times just like this. Teyla took the bottle of homemade soap she'd gotten from the store in town, poured a small amount in her hand and rubbed at the mud on her face then attempted to rinse what had slid down her top. She pulled the top away from her and realized she would need to remove it to truly get all the dirt away.

She grasped the bottom and pulled it over her head as John's eyes got wider but so did his smile. Teyla flashed him a sassy smile of her own. "Do you see something you like, John?"

John eyed Teyla standing before him with only a skirt hanging from her rounded belly. Her breasts were perfect and round and very, very full and even though he'd been given the opportunity to explore them recently, he didn't think seeing Teyla like this would ever get old.

John removed the bottle of liquid soap from the shelf Teyla had put it on and dripped some in his hand. "I think I need to help you get rid of some of that dirt." And he tilted his chin in the direction of her neck and lower where the mud had dripped.

Teyla looked down and nodded. "As you were the one who placed it there, it is only fair that you be the one to clean it."

John's grin grew even more and he pulled on the handle to allow a small amount of water to flow over Teyla so her chest got wet. Then John rubbed his hands together and lathered up the soap. He started on her shoulders, massaging the floral scented suds into her skin then moved lower to erase the traces of dirt from her chest. But as he rubbed Teyla began to pant and her hands moved to John's chest as well.

"I believe I should get rid of the dirt that I flung at you also." And Teyla poured some soap in her hands and rubbed them together. She moved them toward John's chest but when John took his attention away from Teyla's sudsy mounds long enough to realize what she was doing, he took a step back.

"That's the girly smelling stuff, Teyla," he complained. "I don't need to smell like a flower garden. Do you know what kind of crap I'll get from the guys tomorrow if I smell like that?"

Teyla got a knowing look in her eyes. "You could always tell them  _how_  you happened to get clean with my soap at the same time I did. Would that not put you up higher in their esteem?"

John thought about it for only a second then rolled his eyes and moved his hands back to finish with the soap on her chest. Teyla gave a dainty chuckle and started running her hands over John's chest, scrubbing harder where the dirt had landed. They stood there for a few minutes each running their hands over the other's front until they were almost out of breath with the building passion.

John lowered his head to kiss Teyla but she saw the mud she had rubbed into his beard and put out a hand to stop him. She pushed him so his back was under the spout and reached for the handle pulling it for a short burst. She poured more soap in her hands and began to massage it into his hair then down the sides of his face to run her fingers through his beard.

John reached for the handle and rinsed off then began to pour the soap on Teyla's hair and massage her scalp. Teyla leaned against him while he did this and allowed herself the luxury of someone else washing her hair for her. When her head was plenty soaped up, John reached for the handle and allowed the water to rinse over both of them, washing away all the mud and bubbles.

Teyla continued to relax against John and he moved his hands around to her front again. They roamed over her curves and his thumbs flicked over the taut peaks and he felt Teyla's hands move behind her to grip his hips. He wasn't sure that was a good idea though as his desire began to make itself known right against her back. That was still an area they needed to get past.

He turned Teyla around and lowered his head to her lips and skimmed his over them. Her hands moved to his shoulders, running back and forth between his neck and chest as his hands caressed the silky skin of her back. Their mouths continued to nip and lick and then their tongues came out to play. John plunged his inside Teyla's mouth and she counterattacked with a force of her own.

John's hand continued to roam and his mouth lowered to her neck to suck on a particularly sensitive spot that he'd noticed always made Teyla moan. And sure enough as soon as he got there her head tilted to allow more access and the exciting sound erupted from her mouth. He spent a short time longer there then lowered his mouth to explore the golden skin that rose in gorgeous mounds.

Teyla's arms wrapped around John's head and held him close as his tongue peeked out to tease her erect nipples. His mouth alternated between this and sucking on them and Teyla's little whimpers grew even more frenzied. John straightened up and pressed his nose against hers.

"Maybe we should bring this inside and get a little more comfortable," John suggested.

Teyla attempted to get her breathing to slow down and looked around her as if she just remembered where she actually was. When she looked down she saw that she still had mud all over her legs. The skirt had kept the dirt from washing off with the other rinsings. She held one out for John to see and he reached up to grab the handle and pulled for a small burst of water.

Teyla untied the wraparound skirt and quickly removed it so the water would actually get to her legs. But since it had been there for a while it would not come off with just the pressure. John took some soap in his hands and knelt in front of Teyla and began scrubbing at her legs. Teyla then reached for the handle and pulled to get the water running.

When her legs were finally free of dirt she looked down to see John still kneeling and caressing her legs. He then stared at her enlarged belly, although she knew it would get much larger before the end of her pregnancy. She saw him lean over and press his lips to her stomach and close his eyes. She always got such a rush of emotion when he did this. The extreme caring and devotion he had for her and this child was so immense. He very rarely spoke of it, that was not John's way but he showed her in so many little ways; like constantly worrying about her lifting heavy things or talking to the baby like he was now.

"Well, I finally got this water heater working so we can actually take showers. Your Mom and I just shared the first one and I gotta say I think sharing is a really good thing. We'll make sure to teach you how to share but not showers, not until you're much, much older. But right now I think I'm going to take her inside and see if I can dry her off a bit. We're going to dinner at Finn and Tenyse's tonight and we have to make sure we're presentable."

He stood up and reached for a towel to wrap around Teyla. Their clothes were spread across the bench and he knew they would need a good scrub before they could wear them again. "Why don't we leave these here and I can wash them out later. No sense dripping water all over the floor in the house."

Teyla tucked the towel under her arms as John wrapped his around his waist. He then looked and saw Teyla reaching under hers. His curious glance had Teyla explaining, "My panties are wet and I will need to get a new pair before we go. I should leave the wet ones out here as well."

John figured that made sense and removed his from under his towel as well. He then unlatched the door and escorted Teyla inside the cottage. He immediately moved to the fire and poked it to get a few embers flaring up enough so he could add some kindling and a small log. They didn't really need a roaring fire as it was a very warm day out. They just needed enough to dry them off and heat some water for tea. Teyla usually liked a cup in the afternoon.

As John stoked the fire, Teyla moved behind the screen and John was a little disappointed that she was getting dressed. He had kind of hoped to continue with some of what they'd started in the shower.

But she returned just a moment later with her hairbrush and sat on the wool carpet near the fire. John sat behind her and ran his fingers down her still bare arms, wishing the towel wasn't covering her beautiful assets. She started to brush her hair and when she encountered a few snarls, John reached for the brush and asked, "Do you want me to see if I can get them out?"

"Thank you, John," Teyla sighed. "My arms are a bit sore from carrying the watering can so many times today."

John stopped what he was doing and glared at her back but Teyla simply twisted her head and gave him an impish look then turned back to the fire. John resumed brushing her hair, carefully combing through the knots. Even when he got them all out and the brush was running smoothly through her hair, he still continued. He found brushing Teyla's hair almost therapeutic. It was completely mindless but her hair was so pretty and soft and he loved the little noises she made when he did it. Almost like the purring of a kitten.

"You know, Teyla," John ruminated as the brush went up and down again, "When we have a little girl, I plan on putting her hair in pig tails every day when she's small."

"Pig tails?" Teyla questioned wondering what he was talking about.

John chuckled when he realized the Athosians didn't know what pigs were and therefore would call them something else. He gathered Teyla's hair into two bundles and lifted them slightly on each side. "It's when you tie up the hair into two even groups on each side. And with little girls, you can put them up really high and they look so cute." He lifted her hair higher to show her and Teyla giggled at the absurdity of her actually wearing a hair style like that.

Teyla's smile quirked to one side and she wondered, "John, it is odd for a man to think about hair styles, even odder to think of them for a child that has yet to be conceived. Is there a reason for your appreciation of this type of hair for a child?"

"Yeah," John reminisced. "When I first went to school there was this little girl who used to sit next to me. Her name was Sara-Lee Wentworth and she always wore her hair in these cute, high pigtails that curled down around her ears. But it wasn't just that she was cute. She was really nice, too. And she used to share her snack with me sometimes."

"Did you not have a snack for school, John?" Teyla asked concern in her voice.

John rolled his eyes even though Teyla couldn't see it since her back was still to him. "Of course I had a snack. Rich, remember. But my Mom used to want Dave and me to have healthy food all the time so we had things like bananas and apples and even celery and cucumber slices."

"But I have seen you eat these things, John. I am quite certain you enjoy them."

"Now that I'm an adult I do. But I was like six at the time. And even though I didn't dislike them then, Sara-Lee's Mom always sent homemade cookies. And she was a really good cook. I loved my Mom more than anything, Teyla but her cooking skills were … similar to yours in many ways."

John felt Teyla stiffen so he ran the brush through her almost dry locks a few more times, immediately soothing her mood. "But she had so many other wonderful character traits and abilities that it never really mattered that she couldn't cook all that well. Maybe that's why I like you so much. You remind me of my Mom in that manner."

Teyla knew she should be upset that John had put down her cooking skills again but when he spoke of his mother and compared her to the woman, she felt her heart flutter a bit with emotion. She missed her parents too and thoughts of them always made her feel warmer inside. She was glad John could share that little bit of his past with her. It was something he so rarely did.

Teyla leaned back against John and he lowered the brush to the floor and slipped his arms around her waist. His face pressed in to her neck and he inhaled the floral scent of her and smiled when he realized he probably smelled that way, too. Yeah, he'd definitely get some ribbing tomorrow if he couldn't get rid of it by then. John swept Teyla's hair behind her ear and lowered his lips to her neck where he proceeded to nibble and lick until tiny sounds of desire burst from her throat.

John's hands slipped inside the towel near her waist and caressed the skin it found there. Teyla felt her hands drop and landed on John's legs that were resting on either side of her. She moved them up and down and felt the strength of his thigh muscles and clenched her hands tight around them. Her head dropped to rest against John's shoulder.

As John's hands roamed, Teyla's towel loosened and fell but John didn't bother to pull it back up. Instead he kept his hands moving and caressing over her breasts and then to her swollen tummy. Teyla's breathing continued to increase in strength and speed.

His hand circled her belly, caressing the top then moving to the side then skimming underneath the rounded shape. John's fingers spread out and explored every inch he could and that Teyla would let him. Surprisingly she wasn't stiffening or stopping his hands. He wondered if maybe she was ready for another step. It had certainly been long enough. They'd been here almost five months.

But he was still afraid of moving too fast. He would never want to do anything that would make Teyla afraid or uncomfortable. But she seemed to be filled with desire at the moment so maybe he should try. His left hand continued to caress from her baby bump up to her chest while the fingers of his right hand moved lower, ever so slowly. He felt her curls nestled in the apex of her thighs and stopped to twirl his fingers in them gently.

Her breathing picked up but still no resistance although he could feel her hands digging into his thighs with a bit more intensity. So he moved his fingers lower and drifted them into the soft folds of skin between her legs. She was panting now but instead of closing him off, her legs moved a bit to accommodate his hand and allow him further entry.

"You sure, Teyla?" John whispered but barely waited for a response as his fingers dipped inside deeper and he felt her heat surround the digits inside. She was moist and slick and he knew her body was responding to what he was doing. Her body was ready for a joining but he was pretty sure her mind wasn't quite that far along. So he decided to give her pleasure in a less intrusive form than what most people would ultimately do.

His hand continued to caress her soft womanly folds and dip inside to gather more heat and moisture. Then it would peek out again to tease and torment the soft nub standing guard outside her center. In and out and tease and torment and they kept going in little patterns until Teyla was whimpering with moanful little cries. Her hands were digging into his thighs at full strength now but he couldn't stop if he wanted to. He knew she needed release and he was the one who could give it to her.

His fingers persisted in their objective while his other hand roamed her breast and gently twirled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. A loud cry erupted from Teyla's throat at that and he knew she was extremely close to the edge. He picked up the pace with his hand and he could feel her hips gyrating in rhythm.

A few more thrusts of his fingers and she was arching in his lap and her head was shaking back and forth. He could feel her body shudder and he immediately wrapped both arms around her to hold her close against his chest. Several aftershocks rocked through her and then she finally settled down, her whole body spent.

He kept his arms there and pressed sweet kisses to her cheek as she got her breathing under control again.

"John," his name came out of her mouth barely above a whisper and he waited for her to say something.

When she didn't, he pressed one more kiss to her face and said, "Are you okay, Teyla? That was all right?"

Her breathing still heavier, she responded, "It was much better than all right. Thank you, John. I was unsure if I could get to the point of relaxing enough to enjoy your touching me so intimately. But I trust you, John, and I know you would never hurt me."

"No, Teyla," he promised. "I'd never do anything to purposely hurt you. You're too important in my life."

"As you are important to me," Teyla answered. "But I fear I have done it again. You have given me pleasure but you have received none yourself. You must be quite frustrated at times with me, John."

John shook his head swiftly and assured her, "I'm fine, Teyla. Please don't worry about me. When the time is right we'll both have gratification together. Until that time, I can handle a little frustration. I've been in the military for a long time. There's not always an outlet when you're on the front lines or sequestered on a base in the middle of an ice field. You get used to it."

John wrapped her towel back over her body and stood up, his own towel falling to the floor. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. "Why don't you take a little rest before we need to go to Finn and Tenyse's? We'll probably be there for a while and I don't want you getting too tired."

Teyla wanted to dispute that she was tired but she realized she really was. But her gaze on John's naked body pulling the covers down for her, stirred longing again. She knew she shouldn't do anything about it but maybe she could at least hold his gorgeous body close to her while she napped.

"Fine," Teyla agreed. "But if I must take a rest I would really like for you to join me here. After tonight it will be many days before I can hold you again. And you have been putting in many hours each day to get things ready for your trip and that is on top of all you do for the household and for me. I am sure you could use a bit more rest as well."

John was about to refuse, claiming he still had too much to do before tomorrow morning. But looking at Teyla only in a towel lying in the bed, made him comprehend that he did need to spend some more time with her and he  _had_ been working very hard lately. So he slipped under the covers, suddenly realizing his towel was gone and knowing Teyla had seen all of him in his aroused glory. And she hadn't seemed to mind.

Teyla pulled up the sheets only and moved in to rest her head in its usual position on John's chest. John knew that this time they had on substantially less clothing. But surprisingly, even though he still felt intense desire for Teyla, he knew that just holding her in his arms until she fell asleep was equally as satisfying in many ways.

So that's just what he did. He could hear her breathing slow down and become rhythmic and he relaxed against her also. They still had tonight but he wasn't sure how he would manage six whole days without holding her in his arms. But the feel of her pressed right next to his side made him settle down too and his eyes closed to join her in slumber.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter ten

Chapter ten

 

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"Come on, sleepyhead, wake up. We've got a fun day ahead all planned out," John whispered into Teyla's ear as he looked down to where she was resting against his bare chest. The weather had been so warm lately that he'd taken to sleeping in just his shorts. And Teyla had just a loose sleeveless top with half the buttons undone, along with only her panties. He sure didn't mind, though.

And the lack of clothes had been convenient when he wanted to explore her luscious curves. And he'd been doing that quite a bit lately. The day before his trading trip he and Teyla had reached another milestone in their path to freedom from sexual inhibition and fear. And in the few weeks since he'd been back he had been able to give her intense pleasure several times. He could tell she was on her way to a full recovery.

He moved his hand along her back and stroked her skin to see if he could get her to wake up. Since it had been so warm lately many of the townsfolk were heading to a nearby lake today for a picnic and day of fun. He and Teyla had readily agreed to go. And they still had a while until they needed to be in town to load up the wagons that would take them there. But he was hoping to spend a little time with just Teyla before they left.

His lips moved down to press kisses in her hair and the hand on her back moved lower to slip under the waistband of her panties. His left hand crept under her top to move along the side of her rounded breast. He closed his eyes at the desire he felt whenever he touched Teyla like this; it was more than he could ever have dreamed of back on Atlantis.

He frowned slightly when he thought of Atlantis and all their friends there. He knew they must be frantic about both Teyla and him and he wished there were some way to let them know they were all right. Of course if they could actually get a message to them he knew they'd be here immediately to rescue them. Although feeling Teyla's smooth skin under his hands he wasn't sure he wanted to be rescued right now.

But he tried not to think of Atlantis especially knowing that the chances of them finding out where he and Teyla had gone were less than slim. He knew he just needed to embrace this new life that they'd started to build with each other. And it was a pretty good life if he had to admit it. They had good friends who cared deeply for them and they were both kept busy throughout the day. Teyla had her work at the clinic and all she had to do around the cottage. John spent much time with Timnis and Shuntar working on devices to help make life a bit easier for folks; like the cooler and water heater. And now he and Finn had started putting in the rock foundation for the new addition. On top of that they had to grow their own food and both needed to spend some time each week catching meat or fish for their main meal.

But they also found time to have fun and socialize. At least once a week John would hang out at the tavern with many of the locals. And the women usually spent this time at the home of one of them quilting or doing some other domestic chore. Teyla was learning some new skills and he knew she really enjoyed the company of other women, although maybe not so much the quilting. And now with her pregnancy advancing, she was getting much advice about that as well.

He felt Teyla's hand begin to move over his chest and saw her move his dog tag chain out of the way so she could run her fingers through his hair there. She had confessed that she had always longed to do that since she'd seen his chest during the Iratus bug episode. And who was he to squash one of her fantasies. His own fantasy came true each day and night when he could kiss and caress Teyla and sleep with her all snuggled warmly against his side.

But now she wasn't asleep and maybe a little more of that fantasy could play out. "Good morning, gorgeous. Wasn't sure if I'd get you to actually get out of bed today."

Teyla rolled her eyes but pressed her lips to his chest while her hand continued to roam. John's hand moved over her curved bottom while the other moved up to continue caressing her side. Teyla purred with contentment and allowed her hand to travel the path of fur from John's chest downward. She circled his navel then pressed on to follow the trail.

She felt John tense, as he did each time she attempted this but she knew he needed to let go of what had happened in the past as well as she did. She sat up slightly and leaned to kiss him as her hand continued to its objective. She caressed the bulge in his shorts and smiled when it hardened and twitched. She knew he felt the desire but his memories were holding him back from achieving the ultimate from it. He had helped her move past certain things and she felt she needed to help him, too.

She kissed him again, her tongue getting involved, hoping to keep his mind on their mouths. Her hand snuck under the edge of his shorts and began stroking his erection but she kept her lips moving over his with passionate kisses. His hands were exploring her behind and her chest and Teyla kept her hand moving over him.

John's breathing had picked up as hers had done but she could tell he was a bit uncertain of what she was doing.

"John," Teyla whispered softly. "I will not hurt you or betray you. I just wish to give you pleasure as you have given to me."

John gave a half smile. "I know you would never hurt me, Teyla. I guess I just need to know it's you."

He sat up and pulled her closer. His lips reattached themselves to hers and he put his hand over her hand and started it moving again. Then he removed his hand and lifted it to caress her golden mounds, his thumb flicking the hardened tip. Her breathing hitched and she shuddered but persisted in her goal.

John continued kissing her, and Teyla could see him keeping his eyes glued to her face. She knew they had both been subjected to some horrible experiences but she had never asked to what extent John had been abused. There had been times that they had been apart and it was during these times that John had assumed she had been intimately violated. Had he thought this because it had happened to him? Just because he was a man did not mean it was any less a violation.

The thought made her nauseas but she pushed it aside knowing that whatever happened, John had to know she cared for him and only wished to please _him_.

"You are everything to me, John," Teyla reminded him when her mouth was free for a second. "I cherish every moment we have together. I hope you know that."

"I do know, Teyla," John responded breathlessly. "I feel the same."

Teyla moved her head down slightly and started to say, "Would you like me to …?"

But John shook her off quickly, the image of the twins still too fresh in his mind. "Your hand is fine. It's doing the job, believe me." And John thrust his hips toward her while holding her tight against him. After quite a few more strokes she saw him close his eyes and felt the pulse in her hand signifying his climax. He twisted sideways to keep the mess to a minimum but chuckled anyway.

"I guess I'll need to change the sheets, huh?"

Teyla just smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and neck. John's arms mirrored hers and he held her tight for many minutes. She could feel John relaxing in her arms and felt relief that they had made it through the next step.

"Now that we have both experienced pleasure separately perhaps we could manage to do it together sometime," Teyla suggested.

John's arms tightened around her and he kissed her forehead. "Are you sure you're ready for that, Teyla?"

Teyla hesitated but only for a moment. "I … believe I am, although I think being on my back might bring back memories of being tied down."

"Yeah, I know, that submissive position isn't really calling to me either. But we're pretty creative people. I'll bet we can come up with something. Do you want to just play it by ear or plan something definite?"

Teyla though for a while then suggested, "Perhaps tonight, after a relaxing day in the water, would be a good time. Will you have recovered by then?" This last amount was said with quite a bit of cheek and mischief in her eyes.

"If I think about it all day, I'm pretty sure I could be ready tonight, especially after seeing you all wet and wild today at the lake."

Teyla narrowed her eyes. "I understand I will be wet today after swimming however I am unsure why I will be wild."

John smiled. "It's just a saying, Teyla but maybe a day at the lake will make you very carefree and you might loosen up a bit while we're there and then you can be wild with me tonight."

"You are the _only_ one I would be wild with," Teyla promised and John looked relieved.

"Good. So maybe we should get cleaned up and ready to go. I know I really need a shower but I guess you probably do now, too. Damn, I should have made that hot water tank a bit bigger. It takes too long to reheat the new water once it's empty."

Teyla raised sultry eyes to John as he got out of bed. "You know the solution we have used in the past, John. There is no reason one of us should suffer with cold water if we both can have warm."

John smirked and reached for her hand to help her out as well. As she stood up he lowered himself to his knees to press his lips to her stomach.

"Hey, kiddo, just want to let you know we're heading to the lake today. Your Mom says she hasn't done much swimming but I'll make sure she gets in the water so you can stay cool. When you come out, I'm gonna make sure you know how to swim really well. I'd love to teach you how to surf but apparently we're nowhere near an ocean. But don't you worry, I'll make sure I teach you lots of other things. I promise I'll try and be a really good Dad and take time to spend with you. My Dad tried, I think, but he had a big company to run and a lot of time he wasn't around. I'll make sure I'm around for you."

John's lips pressed to Teyla's belly again and then he stood up. He was surprised to see tears shimmering in Teyla's eyes. Usually she laughed or rolled her eyes when he got into conversations with their son.

His hands closed around her upper arms. "Are you all right, Teyla?"

Her eyes glistened but the tears did not fall. "You will be a wonderful father, John, I have no doubt. You have such love for this child already and you have not even met him yet."

John shrugged knowing his father had loved him too but that hadn't kept them from butting heads all the time. He wondered if his Dad knew he was missing or if they hadn't bothered telling him, yet. It had been so long since they'd spoken that he figured if they hadn't told his Dad, he would probably never even suspect. He would just think John was being bullheaded and staying away.

He had to stop thinking of these things because they were too depressing. As much as he'd had difficulties with his Dad, he had always thought that one day they'd manage to be in the same room and get along, even if just for a short time. Now he might never have the chance.

He looked at Teyla's swollen belly and knew that he now had his own chance and he didn't want to mess it up. He would do everything he could to be an amazing Dad to his kid. And if by some miracle they ever did get back to Atlantis, he knew he wanted to go visit his father. He could show off his son and maybe his Dad would be proud of him for that.

He looked at Teyla gathering up some towels and glancing over her shoulder at him and pushed thoughts of his own father to the back of his mind. They had a shower to take and he liked to have full concentration when he did that.

.

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"You smell so _pretty_ again today, John," Timnis teased as they rolled along the dirt road to the lake. John sneered at his friend as he'd done a few weeks back when he'd gotten crap about smelling like a meadow of flowers. But he couldn't complain about how he ended up smelling that way. Taking a shower with Teyla was worth the good natured ribbing he received.

John pushed his nose into Teyla's hair right beside him, took a sniff then turned and sheepishly admitted, "Yeah, I got a little distracted with … other things and let Teyla use the flowery smelling soap before I realized it."

Teyla whipped her head toward the two men talking and her face flushed with color. "John!" she chastised and closed her eyes as she leaned into John's shoulder, embarrassed.

He hugged her closer and placed a kiss on her head. He looked back at Timnis and grinned widely, his eyes glowing with mirth. "Tim's just jealous because he hasn't figured out how to get someone to share _his_ hot water, yet. Maybe if _you_ use some of Teyla's fancy smelling soap you'd be able to get yourself a woman who'd keep you around, Pal."

It was Tim's turn to blush but he shoveled it right back. "I hear that you and Teyla were engaging in a little mud bath a few weeks back. Is that how you got her to ' _share_ ' your hot water?"

John wiggled his eyebrows. "It worked, didn't it? Maybe you should try something like that?" Then he glared at Finn figuring he was the one to tattle about the mud.

Finn held up his hands and defended, "It was not me, my friend. Both my children observed it as well. They have much less control in the gossip department than I do. I only tell my wife these things and she knows better than to blab."

Tenyse looked at Teyla who was still huddled into John's shoulder, her face flaming. But she knew Teyla wasn't that upset, after all she and John were a couple, there was no shame in that.

Baraman picked up the teasing and announced, "It was also reported that several weeks ago John and Teyla were seen amongst the flowers in the field down beyond Groven's Pasture. If Teyla were not already with-child I believe their recent actions would result in the same thing."

"Stop!" Tenyse ordered good-naturedly. "There is nothing wrong with an adult couple being together as they do. You are all just jealous that your romantic lives are not so fulfilling." Tenyse snuggled into Finn's arms as Teyla was doing and everyone chuckled and started talking of other things.

The ride was about an hour and when they arrived, everyone unloaded the food and other items they'd need for the day. Several sheets were hung around a few trees for people to change in and the stumps and benches from the wagons were lowered for some to sit on. John helped with the set up then walked over to make sure Teyla was fine.

"You okay?" he asked as she stretched her back trying to get rid of the discomfort of the long, bumpy ride sitting on a hard, wooden wagon. He placed his hands on her lower back and began to rub his thumbs in circles.

"Oh, that feels wonderful, John, please do not stop," she begged. "I am fine, however the weight of my stomach has started to cause some distress in my back."

John kept his thumbs moving for a few more minutes then moved them around to the front to caress her belly. She leaned against him and let out a huge sigh. As she did, John felt the baby move and they both let out little exclamations of surprise.

"I guess the little guy wants to get in on the hugs," John guessed. "Can you tell what he's thinking, Teyla?"

Teyla closed her eyes and focused inward as she stayed leaning against John. "He can feel my enjoyment at being held by you and he feels content as well."

Teyla felt John's arms tighten around her and heard another sigh. "I gotta tell you, Teyla, I wish I could feel what you feel. I can't even imagine what it's like to get inside the mind of your own child."

Teyla turned around inside the circle of John's arms when she heard the emotion in his voice. She lifted her hands to slide into his hair and kissed his lips. "Yes, it is a truly remarkable feeling and I wish I could share it with you. All I can do is relate to you what I can sense from him. I hope that will help in some small way."

John kissed her back with a smile of thanks. He would have continued but a discreet cough beside them made them break apart and realize a small crowd was moving a bench to where they were standing.

"Oh, sorry," John apologized as they moved out of the way.

When the bench was placed, Tim elbowed John and chuckled, "What, the shower this morning wasn't enough?"

John laughed when he realized they'd done a bit more in the bed even _before_ the shower but Timnis went on. "Teyla, you need to get this man under control."

Teyla's smile turned sassy and she retorted, "Now why would I wish to do that?"

Her response had those in hearing range whistling and catcalling at John about how lucky he was and maybe they should find a private spot for the couple so they could continue what had been interrupted.

John pulled the neck of his shirt away from his throat and said, "It is a bit warm here. I think I'll get changed and check out that water."

He grabbed their bag and pulled out the bathing suit he'd gotten from town. It was a lighter cotton than the jeans he usually wore and a bit looser with a draw string around the waist. They reached down almost to his knees and he was glad these people didn't go for the Speedo type of suit because he was pretty sure he wouldn't feel comfortable exposing that much to everyone here.

He wasn't sure what the women wore as they didn't have a stretchy material like you'd usually have for a suit. And Teyla had gotten herself settled with an outfit for today and he hadn't actually noticed what it was. He looked around and saw a few of the women go behind the sheets to change and offered Teyla the bag to follow them.

After he had changed, he moved toward the water and noticed a few of the children had already splashed their way in. He walked up to his ankles in the water and found it to be only slightly chilly. But it was also very refreshing. He took a few more steps and dove right in. He swam under water as far as he could before his lungs started complaining then broke the surface and found he'd travelled quite a distance from shore.

When he looked back he could see a few people rushing into the water. When they saw him come up, they slowed down and yelled to him.

"John, we thought you had drowned when you did not come up right away," Finn called out to him. "How in the world did you get all that way?"

John kicked out and swung his arms so he was back to his friends in short order. He looked confused at their concern. "I just swam out there under water. There's something wrong with that?"

Finn clapped him on the shoulder and said, "No, my friend, it is fine. But most people do not bother to learn to swim all that well. On days that we come here, most people simply splash around using the water to cool themselves off. There is no need to go out as far as you did."

"Got it," John answered understanding their concern better now. "But I actually _like_ to swim so if you see me go under and away, give it a few seconds before you call out the guard, okay?"

"We will simply call out Teyla," Tim suggested. "I feel she could get you back here faster than any of us."

John gave a crooked grin and nodded. "Yep, you're probably right."

John walked out of the water and looked around for Teyla. She had the bag and that's where his towel still was, not that he really needed it right now. The cool water felt good on his skin especially since the sun beating down was quite hot. He noticed most people had set up blankets and picnic baskets under the trees that were scattered around the lake shore.

Many people were now in swimsuits and he saw Teyla come out from behind a blanket. He sprinted to her side and gave her a big smile. Her suit was dark blue and one piece. It looked almost like a tank top with shorts and it was similar to the ones he now saw the other women had on. But Teyla's was not as fitted around the middle to accommodate for her growing tummy.

"You ready to come in with me?" John asked as he approached her. Teyla saw his wet appearance and pursed her lips.

"You look as if you already went in."

"I did," John agreed and shook his head to splatter water all around her. "The water's very refreshing."

Teyla giggled as she wiped the spray from her face. "Yes, I can feel that. Perhaps you would like to wait for a while before you enter again."

John grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the water's edge. "Nope, you see I was raised with water usually somewhere nearby. The ranch house I grew up in had a pool and we had a lake we'd ride the horses down to also. When we were in either Maui, L.A. or Nantucket, there was the ocean all around. Even the ski house in Aspen had an indoor pool in the nearby clubhouse. Water was a pretty important part of my life."

He knew that was true and hadn't realized how much he missed it. Swimming really hadn't been possible in Antarctica or Afghanistan although any base in the US he'd stayed at usually had a pool. But he had to admit he preferred the ocean or a lake better than a pool. And now he was going to teach Teyla to love it, too.

He tugged on her hand and she reluctantly stepped into the water, pausing briefly at the slight chill upon entering.

"It's not that cold," he assured her as he walked in further pulling her behind him. When they got so the water was up to Teyla's chest, she paused again.

"I believe this is far enough, John." Her voice was beginning to sound nervous so he stopped. He drifted closer and closed his arms around her waist.

"You need to cool all of you down. That sun's pretty hot. If you submerge you'll bring your body temp down a bit to help you stay cool."

"I am very cool right now," Teyla tried to convince him.

"Good!" John exclaimed. "Then we need to teach you how to swim."

Teyla tried to refuse but John managed to talk her into just humoring him. He spent the next hour helping her to just float and relax enough in the water to feel comfortable.

"Most people drown because they panic. If you feel comfortable in the water and know what to do to keep yourself afloat, you'll probably be okay."

Teyla went along, mostly because it was so important to John but she found she was enjoying the sensations of being in the water. It _was_ very relaxing. And she found she could actually keep herself afloat if she moved her arms and legs in the way John had instructed.

They had moved closer to shore and John found himself giving instructions to quite a few of the younger children as well. They had seen John skim under the water so easily and all wanted to do it also. He spent more time showing them how to breathe so they could stay under the water and then helped them in floating as well.

Teyla sat near the shore allowing the water to just lap over her legs as she watched John with the children. He was so patient and spent a good amount of time explaining things to them so they'd understand. He helped them by showing them too. Her eyes got misty again and she splashed water on her face so no one would see her getting so emotional over something so silly.

But Tenyse knew her well and came to sit by her side in the water. She reached down to squeeze her hand and smiled at her friend.

"Is everything okay, Teyla?"

Teyla rolled her eyes and knew she'd been caught. She nodded and replied, "Yes, it is just my condition that has me so emotional over seeing something as mundane as John instructing the children. But it confirms that he will be a wonderful father to our child and that brings me great pleasure and joy. And I now _cry_ when things bring me pleasure and joy."

"I understand, Teyla," Tenyse responded. "I myself was in that condition twice. And I do agree that John will be a wonderful father. He has everything needed to succeed. He is kind and caring and patient when he needs to be. But he is also fun loving and still gets such a sense of pleasure from little things."

They watched as the children were now climbing up onto John's shoulders to jump into the water further out. He carefully made sure each child jumped no further than they were capable of swimming back from. And he didn't complain when the children continued to want a turn time and time again. Finally Finn and Tim and a few others allowed the children to climb on their shoulders, too and more children had turns with less of a wait.

Several of the mothers finally called their children to come eat their lunch and John dipped under the water and appeared right in front of Teyla. "Okay, maybe I won't teach this kid how to swim. It's pretty tiring."

Tenyse laughed. "It is tiring when you are teaching a dozen children to swim. Just one child of your own should not be a problem, John."

"Maybe," John agreed and placed himself on his back in the water so his head was lying on Teyla's lap. Teyla ran her hands through his hair and his beard, stroking her fingers through the softness. John closed his eyes and released a big sigh.

"Do not get too comfortable, John," Teyla warned. "This child is letting me know he is hungry and will need food soon."

John just grinned but kept his eyes closed. "The _baby_ is telling you that you need food. You know once this kid is out you won't be able to use that excuse anymore."

Teyla's response was to splash water on John's face. John moved so he was on his hands and knees and shook his head so the water sprayed everywhere. Teyla laughed and tried to grab his head and stop it but she was laughing too hard. John lowered his head and kissed her belly.

"You know your Mom is using you as an excuse to eat, kiddo," John explained to his son. "But I don't mind feeding her because otherwise she gets really grumpy and we don't need a grumpy Mama."

At Tenyse's chuckle, John looked up and realized he'd just chatted with his child in front of someone else. He gave a sheepish grin and his eyes were playful as he pressed one more, quick kiss to Teyla's stomach then backed into the water again.

"I'm just going to do a quick rinse before we eat, okay, Teyla?"

Teyla smiled and nodded and watched as John smoothly slid under the water and swam away.

"Does he do that often, talk to the baby?" Tenyse questioned with an amused twitch of her lips.

Teyla's face lit up and her sweet chuckle filled the air. "Oh, yes, it is constant. Sometimes I think I should be jealous at how much he interacts with this child. But many times it will just make me emotional and teary eyed, especially when he regales the baby with stories from when he was young. John is a very private man and does not share his thoughts and emotions easily."

"Yes, I had noticed that," Tenyse observed.

"But I know they are there," Teyla added and watched as John returned and reached down his hand to help her get to her feet.

They spent the next hour or so with Finn and Baraman's families sharing what they had brought for food and having good conversation. Zeth was in his glory sitting near Sarana trying not to appear too eager to be with her. Kelina sat with Sarana's younger sister, Miriella, dividing their attention between Zeth and Sarana and John. The giggles were all too apparent and Teyla felt maybe John's bare chest had gotten them giddy. She knew it had a similar effect on her. But she had the benefit of being able to see it and touch it up close.

That got her thinking about what they had said they'd do tonight. She felt herself grow warm and her eyes darted to John. He was in a discussion with the other men but he must have felt her eyes on him as he looked up at that moment. His eyes grew dark and intense and she could tell he was thinking along the same lines as her. A tiny smirk lifted one side of his mouth as his eyes bore into hers. Teyla felt a flush cover her face and creep down her neck.

Finn noticed John had stopped talking and his gaze moved to Teyla. The couple had eyes only for the other and he could see that Teyla's skin had grown more colorful. He looked at his wife and saw that she was also watching John and Teyla and her eyes were alight with pleasure. He caught her attention and they gave each other a meaningful look. They knew much of what John and Teyla had endured before they got here and were hopeful the couple could get past it. From the looks in both their eyes, it seemed as if they were well on their way.

Finn finally chuckled and offered, "Should we leave you alone, my friends. You appear to have eyes only for each other."

His words broke the spell and John let out a shaky breath. "I think I just need to cool off again in the water. The sun is pretty hot," John said as he rose to his feet and held out his hand for Teyla.

As Teyla rose, Tenyse teased, "I do not think the sun is the only thing that is hot around here. Perhaps you should take Teyla with you to cool off, John. We will clean up."

Teyla started to object but the other adults all shooed them off and John just shrugged and pulled Teyla back into the water. When they were out further and the water was near Teyla's shoulders, John pulled her into his arms and took a few steps back so her feet were no longer on the lake floor. She panicked for a second and lifted her arms around John's neck and held on tight.

"I won't let you go, Teyla, don't worry," he assured her. "If you want to feel safer you could wrap your legs around my waist. No one will be able to see from here."

Teyla looked back to shore and saw they were the only ones out this far so she did as he suggested. John absorbed the feel of Teyla wrapped around him and made sure she was holding on tight.

"I'm gonna tread water out a bit deeper, Teyla, but don't get freaked out. Keep your arms around me and you'll be fine."

He checked for her consent and started gliding his hands through the water to bring them out even further. He floated around and could see Teyla start to enjoy herself even though she still seemed a bit nervous. He didn't stay out too long but enough for Teyla to get used to being in deeper water. He wanted her to enjoy swimming as much as he did.

When his feet touched the bottom of the lake again he slid both hands around to her backside and caressed the enticing curves.

"So, earlier, after lunch, when you were staring at me, were you thinking about tonight like I was?" John asked, his nose touching hers, his lips a whisper away.

"Yes," the word hissed from her mouth and her arms held tight to his neck and her legs squeezed around his waist. John felt such arousal and he figured Teyla must feel it too.

John let out a sharp breath as he groaned, "You're killing me here, you know, Teyla. I'm thinking of all we could do with your legs wrapped around me like this."

A mischievous look came into Teyla's eyes. "If you wish me to remove them you must move to a location where my feet can touch the bottom."

"Now why would I want to do that?" John chuckled and Teyla squeezed her legs together again, reminding John of exactly where she was. But he really didn't need the reminder, he knew.

John swirled around until his back was to shore and he lowered his head. "How long do you think I can get away with kissing you before someone notices and gives us a hard time?"

"I can only hope it is a _long_ time," Teyla answered and drew John's head down to hers. Their lips started off soft and gentle and skimmed over the other then slowly grew more intense. As John's tongue thrust inside, his hands moved to Teyla's sides then around to her front, thankful she was holding tightly to him leaving his hands free. And those hands caressed her blossoming mounds and cupped and released them until Teyla sighed longingly into John's mouth.

Teyla's hands pushed through John's hair which had grown much longer than usual. She would need to remind him to get it cut soon. Their mouths continued to explore and their tongues battled while hands roamed, although only one of Teyla's as the other was clinging tightly to John's neck. John reached behind Teyla to push her up further on his hips but when his hands felt the smooth skin below her buttocks he couldn't resist.

He slid one hand under the edge of her shorts and moved his fingers along the inside of her leg right near the apex of her thighs. Teyla's breath caught in her throat and she looked at John and hissed his name.

He wasn't sure if that was a warning to stop but the look on her face made him think it wasn't so he wiggled his fingers further and found her entrance. The response he got from Teyla indicated she didn't want him to stop. She pulled him in closer and leaned her head on his shoulder and lifted a bit higher to allow his fingers more access.

He didn't need any further invitation. He slid a finger inside and stifled a groan when he found her slick and warm. Another finger joined the first and Teyla's little whimpers surfaced again. He slid the fingers out again then back in and could feel Teyla's hips start moving to the rhythm.

"Oh, God, Teyla!" John whispered in her ear. "You don't know how much I want to just slide myself inside you right now. If this swimsuit was the stretchy kind like on Earth, I think I'd have already done it."

Teyla lifted her head slightly and saw many people on the shoreline starting to splash into the water. She kissed John's lips and told him, "I am also wishing for you to be inside me right now. But I fear very soon the children on shore will be clamoring for your attention and they should not find us this way."

John looked over his shoulder then took a few steps back so Teyla could slide her legs to the lake bottom. Her hand slid down his chest to swirl in the hair on his stomach.

"But I do not think it fair that you teased me so and got me all hot inside," Teyla complained. "And so I feel you should have a similar experience, even if only a small one." And she slipped her hand inside his shorts and stroked his manhood a few times.

John sucked in a deep breath and asked, "When are we leaving here? Soon, right?"

Teyla gave him a sad smile. "I believe we will be here until close to the dinner hour. But we will survive until then John. I am sure of it."

"Maybe you will," John admitted as they floated closer to shore, "but I may not. Every time I look at you I'm about ready to combust."

Teyla paused in the water and reached up to gently kiss his lips. "Then I am sure tonight will be very explosive. I am looking forward to it."

"Yeah," John responded then grinned as he was surrounded by children all asking for more lessons on swimming under water.

The rest of the afternoon was split between swimming and playing a game that John thought was a cross between volleyball and soccer. The ball was tossed from one person to another until it was close enough to send into a goal. There was a large field a close distance from the lake and many of the teenagers and adults got involved. Teyla was not surprised when she saw that many of the teenage girls wanted to be on John's team. As she sat down on a nearby wooden bench, she chuckled.

Tenyse joined her and they sat chatting while they watched the others frolic down the field.

"You and John seem to be quite passionate today, Teyla," Tenyse observed. "It is a pleasure to see you both so uninhibited. I am wondering if things are going well in that area."

Teyla gave a shy smile but knew that Tenyse was aware of all that had gone on between her and John. While John and Finn had been away on the trading trip, Teyla had spent a few days staying at Tenyse's house. When the children were away or asleep she and Tenyse had spent much time talking.

Tenyse had confided in her all the atrocities that she had endured while captive but assured Teyla that she was trying very hard to overcome them. And she couldn't have asked for a more patient and loving man than Finn. But she and Finn had already been very intimate for many years and so her road to recovery was easier as she just needed to relearn his gentleness and passion.

Teyla and John however had been forced to be intimate before they had naturally fallen into it. And that was where many of the problems were, even though Teyla in no way blamed John or thought of him as violating her. But they also needed to get past what some of the others had done to them even though it was less intrusive, but no less shameful.

"Yes," Teyla answered the question. "I believe we are both ready for that last step. The passion has been building for some time and we feel that being together in every way is something we are able to do now. I hope that is the case."

Tenyse squeezed Teyla's hand and assured her, "If you and John both care for each other as much as I believe you do, you will not have a problem."

Teyla smiled back then returned to watching the game, chatting with Tenyse about other things. She saw that John was enjoying himself and felt a weight lift from her heart. When they had first arrived here, they often spoke of how their friends from Atlantis would come to rescue them. Most recently though those thoughts had diminished until rarely a word was spoken of the city.

Even though she knew John wished to return to the city, she was relieved on days like today when she saw him embracing the new life they had here. They both wished to return to be with their people and friends and continue the fight with the Wraith but as the days progressed she knew the chances of their being reunited with them were becoming smaller.

But as John had said when they first arrived; there were many worse places to be stranded than here. They had a nice house with many good friends and work that fulfilled them to a certain degree. And they had each other. To Teyla that was the most important factor of all in determining her happiness. John had always been important to her but now he was much more than that.

He was her partner in every sense of the word, he was the father of her child, he was the one who held her close when her dreams were unkind, he was the one who teased her with his silly grin and words until her mood improved, he was the one who allowed her to get all emotional when he did something as simple as pick flowers for her, he was the one who made conversation with their child during the day, showing how much he cared for this tiny person they had both created, and tonight he would make love to her in every sense of the word.

She blinked her eyes a few times to clear the silly moisture that had welled up yet again. But she knew her life was good. It may not have been what she had planned for herself but it was very good. And it was all because of John.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11

Chapter 11

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"Have a wonderful night, you two," Tenyse called out to John and Teyla as they all walked home from the long day at the lake. Finn took a few steps up onto his front porch and teased, "I don't need to add 'be good' do I?"

"We'll try," John called back as he escorted Teyla the last half mile to their cottage. They hadn't said much as they were walking but John could feel the sexual tension surrounding them and hoped that everything would be fine tonight. Okay maybe more than fine. He wanted to make love to Teyla and give her such extreme pleasure and he didn't want her to have any misgivings about it at all. He wished for the same things for himself.

The cottage was dark when they entered and John went right back to the fireplace and poked at the embers to find just a few small ones way underneath. He added some tinder and kindling and got a few more sparks that soon he fanned into flames. After adding a log he turned around to see that Teyla had gone behind the screen. She came out a few moments later with her summer nightgown with the thin straps and buttons down the front, the ones she liked to leave unbuttoned, like she had now. He smiled at that.

As she moved to brush her teeth and clean up a bit from the long day, John slipped out of his clothes so he only had his shorts on. He joined her at the sink to brush his own teeth and wash his hands and face then took her hand and led her to the thick carpet in front of the fireplace. Her brush was lying on the settee so he picked it up and sat behind her on the floor.

She'd had her hair in a ponytail all day and now he could see that all the swimming had made it a tangled mess. He figured that would be something he could do for her now to relax her a bit.

"Why don't you let me get these snarls out for you," John offered.

Teyla gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you, John. That would be very nice." And she removed the band holding her hair together.

John began moving the brush through her mane and gently worked on getting the worst of the tangles out. It took a few minutes but he finally managed then continued to brush it until it was silky and flowing easily down her back. It had gotten a bit longer since they'd been here but he wasn't complaining. It had been long when they'd first met and she'd cut it shortly after. But he knew he had felt his attraction start right on that first day.

He put the brush aside and moved her hair over to one side so he could lower his lips to the curve of her neck. They whispered softly across from her ear to her shoulder then his tongue came out to taste and his lips closed to nibble. Teyla tilted her head to the side to allow John more access and he gladly returned his lips there.

He shifted Teyla slightly in front of him so when she turned her head a bit he could reach her lips with his. He moved them slowly along hers, gliding and skimming then outlining them with his tongue. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip first then moved to trace the top. Teyla opened her mouth and allowed the exploration and her own tongue ran along her lips following in his path. When John saw her tongue dart out he thrust with his own and entered her mouth to plunder. She offered no resistance but did allow her tongue to play and banter with his.

As their mouths fought for dominance, John moved his hand to caress her curves. They roamed from her shoulder down her arm then back up again. His fingers tickled a path down her neck to discover the dark crevice between her breasts that was teasing him with the open buttons. All the while his lips continued to caress, nip and explore her mouth.

"Teyla," John kept whispering her name in between feverish kisses. He wanted to hear it, to let her know it was him who was touching her and he maybe even admitted he needed to remind himself that Teyla was the one who was touching him.

Teyla's hands found their way to John's strong shoulders and she shuddered in awe at the muscles she felt there. His daily physical activity of chopping wood and moving stones from the garden or to the new addition foundation had made these muscles become harder and more pronounced. And as much as she hated to have anyone else responsible for protecting her, Teyla still was glad that John was strong enough to assist her if need be, especially now that she was moving at a slower pace.

Her hands moved lower and ran through the hair on his chest while his hands lowered her straps to massage her rounded curves and the taut centers. Teyla's head fell back as his hands rubbed the peaks and she thrust her chest out which John interpreted as wanting more. He was more than happy to oblige. He uttered her name again and surrounded one nipple with his mouth, lavishing it with his tongue first then sucking before moving to give equal time to the other one.

Teyla's hands grabbed at his head and held it close to her as he ravished her chest, his hands moving to her waist where her nightgown was bunched up. He pushed the offending fabric away further down her hips and Teyla got to her knees to help with the removal of this item.

John knelt in front of her also and took a minute to gaze at the beauty that was Teyla. Her skin was dark and glowing from a day in the sun and her ample bosom and expanded tummy made him catch his breath with excitement. His hands crept closer to her belly and stroked her skin where his child rested. That thought always blew his mind; that _his child_ rested under her heart.

"You are so amazingly gorgeous, Teyla," John whispered when he got his breath back.

Teyla rubbed her stomach self-consciously and replied, "I do not always feel that way. I am beginning to feel like a very large brood animal."

"But you are the _sexiest_ brood animal I have ever seen," John's eyes gleamed with playfulness.

Teyla sent him a patient glare and gave him a little push. She crawled toward him and hitched her fingers in the waistband of his shorts and tugged until they had made their way off. They both kneeled facing each other then and just stared, smiling at the other, checking to make sure all was okay.

John finally leaned forward and clasped his hand around the back of Teyla's neck and pulled her forward until their lips touched once again. Teyla's hands slipped around his back and lowered until they felt the muscles of his backside. She kneaded them for a while as John's other hand found _her_ backside. Then his hand slid around past her enlarged belly and lowered to the area he had explored while in the water earlier today.

"I want to finish what we started in the lake today," John stated his voice throaty and deep.

He felt Teyla's body twitch as his fingers found her hot center and began sliding in and out. Her hands clenched more firmly on his bottom and her hips started rocking with the rhythm of his fingers. Teyla's hand finally moved around to John's front and took hold of his manhood, which was erect and ready. She stroked her hand up and down and was pleased when she heard John start panting and felt his hand pause its action for a second. She had affected him that much.

When she could stand it no longer she motioned for John to sit and she positioned herself above his hips. His lips captured the breast that was swinging in front of his face and licked and sucked until Teyla's small cries made his member even more engorged. She pressed a few kisses to the top of John's head and lowered herself slowly until he was sheathed inside her.

John's shaky voice made its way through Teyla's desire. "Oh, Teyla," but John didn't think he was capable of verbalizing much more than that.

Teyla, herself, knew she could not have attempted to talk if she had needed to. She stayed where she was for almost a minute, holding John tightly to her and inside her. His hands were anchored to her hips making sure she didn't go anywhere.

And she didn't but she did start to move her hips back and forth and up and down. John gritted his teeth at the sensations she was evoking in him and he could tell she was enjoying it also. Her head was tilted back a bit and her eyes were closed. Her mouth hung open with tiny whimpers making their way to the surface. John took advantage of her exposed throat and his lips descended to it and nipped and skimmed across the surface. His tongue came out to taste and lick all the while her hips were driving him wild with their twisting, rocking motion.

Teyla could feel herself coming close to the finish and held John even tighter in her arms. John sensed this and pushed himself up and took her with him. He gently deposited her on the settee and spread her legs wide so he could reinsert his stiff member inside her warmth as he knelt up in front of her.

His hands grasped her hips and he thrust deep and intimately and she cried out with longing and desire. Her control broke with the next few thrusts and seeing her fall apart, her head shaking back and forth, sent John so close he only needed to plunge inside a few more times. But he did so with such power that his climax left him shaking and clinging to Teyla as she fell back against the cushions of the settee.

It took a minute before either one of them had the energy or lung power enough to speak but they still didn't. John slid out of her and lifted her in his arms as he stood. He moved swiftly to the bed and lowered her onto the covers. He then pulled them back allowing her to slip under the sheet, following her when she did.

"You are the most amazing woman I know, Teyla," John praised her as he snuck his arms around her and lay on his side facing her. "I still wonder why you're with me like this. Why you haven't just kicked me out the door?"

Teyla's head shook gently from side to side as she lifted her hand to caress the soft beard on his cheek. "John," she chastised, "you must stop thinking that way. You know you are very important in my life. And I do not ever want you to believe that you have ever harmed me in any way."

John's eyes narrowed in extreme pain. "But I still know that those times when we …" and his hand drifted to her stomach.

"John!" Teyla scolded and her voice was soft but firm. "The times that we make love _now_ will completely overshadow any of what we were forced to do. And now I may look back at that time and feel as I just did when we were together. Please, you must stop torturing yourself regarding those events."

Teyla covered his hand on her belly and gazed straight onto his eyes. "We both love this child and are elated that he is coming, is that not correct?"

John nodded but Teyla could still see pain behind the smile he tried to produce. She gave an exquisite smile of her own. "Then we cannot think of this child's conception as anything other than an event that resulted in the most miraculous gift."

This time John's smile was indeed genuine. "I don't know how you do it, Teyla. You have such a remarkable ability for finding the good in just about every situation. The size of your heart is tremendous and I can't tell you enough how happy I am that I managed to find a small way of getting even a tiny bit inside."

Teyla pressed a kiss to John's lips and corrected, "You have managed to take up quite a bit of space inside my heart, John, do not ever doubt that."

John moved Teyla's hand from her stomach to his chest. "And you know that you reside right here in mine, always, Teyla."

"There is no place else I would rather be than here in your heart and right here in your arms."

John grinned at those words. "I'm more than happy to keep you in my arms, as long as you want, Teyla. Just let me know."

"Then I wish to stay in them forever," Teyla replied with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I'm all for that but we might get a little cold if I can't get out and chop firewood. We might have to start burning some of the furniture and you know that eventually that'll be all gone too."

Teyla pushed her lip out in a fake pout and sighed, "Well, I suppose I could manage without you for short periods of time however you must promise to hold me each night."

John gave a very large smile at that. "Holding you each night? It might be a chore," he teased, "but I'll tough it out if that's what you really need."

"It is what I need from you, John," Teyla informed him seriously.

John turned serious too. "Then that's what you'll get, Teyla. And I'll even promise the forever part, too."

Teyla felt her hormones kick in and moisture gathered in her eyes. She did not feel that her voice would work at this time so she merely caressed the side of John's face and ran her fingers through the hair that hung almost in his eyes. John caught her wrist and turned his face to kiss the palm of her hand. He kept his lips there and felt the pulse under his fingers. He still couldn't believe Teyla was lying here with him and he'd just made passionate love to her. And he hadn't freaked out and neither had she. He thought they had both really enjoyed it. He wondered if they could enjoy it again and how soon.

"So, um, … how tired are you right now, Teyla? I mean it's still about an hour earlier than we usually go to bed. But we did have a very busy day with the lake and then we, uh …" John searched for the right words but Teyla responded before he could find them.

"I am not that tired. What did you have in mind?" Teyla's lips twisted in humor at her question.

John's lips covered hers briefly and his hand slid around her waist to caress her back down to her bottom. "Well, believe it or not, I'm getting a little excited having you right here in front of me while we're both completely naked. But I absolutely understand if you're too tired. You've got someone else to think about now."

"Yes, I do, John," Teyla responded. "But Shalise says I am still in my good phase of the pregnancy. Within the next lunar cycle I will begin the last trimester and that time will be much more difficult to get around as the child will be much larger. So if we wish to make the most of our time, now is a very good time to do it."

"Make the most of our time," John mused as his mouth attached to Teyla's. "Yeah, we should definitely do that."

He got no argument from Teyla. From her he got just complete cooperation.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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John slipped in the back door as quietly as he could. He had gone for his morning run then taken a quick shower, this time _without_ Teyla's fancy smelling soap. He checked on the fire in the wood stove to make sure it was still going. When he assured himself that it was, he filled the kettle with water and put it on top so Teyla would have hot water for tea.

He silently padded on bare feet to where their bed was and began to get dressed. Teyla was still asleep and he hated to wake her. Of course she always got mad at him when he let her sleep, saying she would be late for work one of these days.

But he had talked to Shalise and she had told him it was fine if Teyla needed to come into the clinic later in the morning. There was rarely enough work for two people and often times she only needed Teyla's help with extreme cases or to do clerical work that left her free to spend more time with patients. And having Teyla there allowed her to make house calls and check on patients that couldn't actually make it into the clinic. But she never did that in the morning; that was easier to do in the afternoon. And that's when Teyla was needed to keep an eye on the clinic while she went visiting.

But Teyla wasn't working today and so he decided he would let her sleep as late as she needed to. And after the acrobatics they had participated in last night, several times, he figured she would be exceptionally tired this morning. As for him, he was invigorated.

Here, he slept much more than he ever had in Atlantis. In the city there was always too much to do and too much responsibility for him to worry about. Even if he hadn't been on duty, he'd still made himself available and did his nightly checks around midnight to make sure all was well. And there always seemed to be some crisis at least a few times a week of some sort that he was needed to sort out. It might have only been as simple as keeping Rodney from killing one of his minions or breaking up a fight between a few head strong Marines but it seemed most people wanted the Military Commander to be the one to take care of it.

As he pulled on his pants he allowed himself the luxury of actually thinking about Atlantis for a while. He had tried to put it in the back of his mind as the thoughts were too painful to really dwell on. But today he allowed himself the opportunity. He wondered if they were still looking for them.

He knew Ronon and Rodney would never give up but he knew, especially as more time went by, that there were very few leads to actually follow. He knew what protocol was for the military and they would definitely have stopped authorizing any missions solely for the purpose of looking for them. But did they still have their eyes and ears open for any new info? And was there actually any information out there for them to find?

He also wondered who they had gotten to replace him. Lorne was a good man and he knew he would be able to do the job without a problem but the SGC didn't always care about doing a good job. Sometimes it was simply political. If that was the case maybe Caldwell had finally gotten the opportunity to take over as he'd wanted for so long. Although to admit truthfully, Caldwell may have wanted the position in the early years but more recently he hadn't been chomping at the bit quite as much to take over.

John wasn't sure what the reason for that was. He was hoping it might be because Caldwell had realized that John was actually doing a good job and there was no reason to replace him. Or maybe it was because there was too much crap that had gone on in the past few years and Caldwell liked the more peaceful environment of the Daedelus. John laughed at that thought. The Daedelus had seen more than its share of battle.

But whatever the case, he knew someone else was walking the city at night and putting her to sleep. He really missed that. He hadn't realized how much of a connection he'd made with the city itself until he was away from her. He always seemed to know when something wasn't quite right with some system and relished his ability to figure out what it was. And he had loved being able to turn things on and off with just his mind, definitely cool.

But more than anything, he missed the people; Rodney and Ronon the most. They had become family. He knew what it was like to be estranged from family. Only this time it hadn't been his choice.

But to be honest he really wasn't the one who had wanted him to stay away from home. His father had never said the words but the constant disappointment and anger that had always come his way anytime they were in the same room was just too hard to bear. So he figured his father would be much happier if he just stayed away. And he truly did love his father and hated to get him so upset but he also couldn't just turn himself into something he wasn't. His father never seemed to understand that.

But see, that's why his team had been so great. Ronon and Rodney had always accepted him for who he was and never expected him to be anyone else. They even seemed _to like_ who he was. And he missed that acceptance from them though the people here certainly accepted him, too. He smiled when he thought how lucky he was that Teyla was with him though because she had always accepted who he was, without question. Although she probably wouldn't think it lucky that she was caught up with him, not after all they had been through.

He zipped his pants and slipped his arms into a gray shirt. As he began to button it up he saw that Teyla's eyes were beginning to open. He stood and watched her, always amazed at how beautiful she was. As soon as she saw him standing there, her mouth widened in an enchanting smile.

"John," she yawned as she realized he was getting dressed and his hair was damp. "Have you been up for a while?"

John nodded and sat on the bed next to her. "Yeah, I took a run and then a shower. Sorry, the hot water's all gone for now. The tank filled up again but I know it may take a while before the water is hot again. I think I might add a second water tank so we have a _his_ and _hers_."

Teyla chuckled. "And what will happen if I use _his_ water tank?"

John's eyes filled with mischief. "You might have to be severely punished."

"And what would my punishment be?" Teyla asked with an impish expression of her own.

"Something good for me, I'm sure. Breakfast in bed, no wait, that means you'd have to cook. Never mind that one. Maybe a nice back massage after a hard day's work. I know I'll probably need one today after Finn and I start putting up the frame for the addition."

John had made sure he kept talking after the cooking comment or he figured Teyla would smack him one. She had started to get up then realized she wasn't wearing anything. He didn't know why she was so shy all of a sudden. He'd been doing more than staring at that tantalizing chest for a while now. But if she wanted to be shy he was okay with that.

"I put the water on for tea if you want a cup," John changed the subject and leaned down to place a few soft kisses on her lips.

"Thank you, John. You are always so thoughtful. I am not sure if you know how much I appreciate it. I think I will get up now and have a cup. And perhaps one of those leftover tarts that Tenyse sent back with us last night. It is nice to be able to eat in the mornings again."

John's face twisted into a grimace. "Oh, you wanted one of those tarts?"

"John," Teyla scolded, "did you eat _all_ of them? There were at least four in the basket."

John continued to look guilty but then finally broke down into a burst of laughter at Teyla's distressed face. Apparently she'd really wanted a tart for breakfast. "I'm just kidding, Teyla. I didn't have any yet. You are just _so_ fun to tease, I can't help myself."

Teyla narrowed her eyes at him but a smile twitched on her lips as well. She did so love it when he teased her. She could feel the warmth and caring coming from him when he did. And she loved feeling that from him. She sat up and pulled the sheet up to her chest looking around for her nightgown. It took her a second to realize it was probably still in front of the fireplace.

John saw what she was doing and shook his head in amusement. "You know I've seen it all, Teyla. There's no use hiding it from me now."

"Perhaps this is true," Teyla conceded, "however I have noticed when I am in my natural state, you have a tendency to get distracted and forget there are things you need to do."

John grinned because he knew she was right. "You have a point. You start parading around in front of me right now and I might totally forget that Finn will be coming over in a very short time."

Teyla looked nervously over her shoulder to the window wondering if Finn would be knocking on the door any second. It was a definite disadvantage to having your bed in the only room in the cottage. Teyla knew it would be great once she and John had a separate room to sleep in. She looked back at John and pushed him off the bed.

"If Finn is due to arrive soon then I need to get dressed. I am sure you do not wish him to see me like this."

"No," John agreed, "but ** _I_** sure do wish to see you like this," and he pulled the sheet slightly away for a quick peek. He sucked in a deep breath and dropped the sheet back down. "Tell the baby I'll talk to him once you get dressed since I don't want Finn showing up with you still in the buff."

Teyla just shook her head and moved to the edge of the bed. John politely moved away and got out a few mugs for their morning tea. He had managed to acquire some of the really strong tea during his trading trip to the mountain towns and he was glad. The stuff had a definite kick and gave him a good start to the day. He set the mugs on the table along with the basket of tarts and settled into one of the chairs.

Teyla joined him a few minutes later and sighed as she took her first sip. "Thank you, John." She reached across the table and laid her hand on top of his then gazed at his face. Her eyes roamed and she was very appreciative of his incredibly good looks, although she knew that his actions had been so admirable since she had met him that it would not have mattered what he looked like; she would have loved him anyway.

She pulled her hand away at that thought and reached for a tart to mask the abrupt departure. But she had just admitted for the first time to herself that she loved John. Thinking back to how she felt now, compared to the years in the past, she realized she had loved him for quite some time however she was just now realizing it. But upon further thought she knew it did not matter. And she would not bring it up to John as she knew he would most likely feel uncomfortable with that revelation. He was not a man who spoke of his feelings freely. She knew he cared for her deeply, he had actually told her quite often. She knew much of the time he said it to alleviate her fear of intimacy but she did not think he ever said anything that was untruthful.

As Teyla chewed on her tart and watched John finish his tea and a second tart, Finn knocked on the front door. John waved him in and they both greeted him warmly.

"Good morning to both of you, my friends," Finn acknowledged back. "Are you ready to begin the frame today, John? I have succeeded in enlisting Timnis and Shuntar in assisting us. They will be along soon."

"Excellent!" John exclaimed happily knowing a few extra hands would make the work a bit easier and faster. He was getting damned tired of sleeping in what was essentially the living room. He offered the last tart to Finn who refused saying Tenyse had stuffed him with many over the past few days.

John got to his feet and started to rinse his cup in the sink. Teyla looked at him and instructed, "Just leave it there, John. I will wash it when I wash my own."

"Thanks, Teyla," he replied and started to walk toward the door then he paused and moved back to the table. He bent down to give Teyla a tiny kiss and Finn grinned and told him he'd meet him outside. John then bent down in front of Teyla and pressed a few kisses to her belly.

"Hey, kiddo, it's your Dad. We're starting to put up the frame for your new room today. I hope you'll like it. I know your Mom has already started picking out material for curtains and I got some great hard wood on my recent trading trip that I plan on making into a cradle for you. I'm gonna have to dig deep to remember all the stuff I learned in woodshop back in high school but I think Finn might give me some pointers if I really mess up. Take it easy on your Mom today; we had a kind of busy night."

At these words he glanced up at Teyla, his mouth twisted to the side. "I'm gonna go now but I just wanted you to know I'm getting really excited about the thought of you coming to be here with us. Not that you aren't with us here now, but we can't really hold you and I really want to be able to do that. I'll be back a little later to tell you how things are coming along. I love you, kid!"

He gave Teyla one last kiss and followed Finn out the door. Teyla gave a sigh, her happiness swelling inside her. But a tiny bit of jealousy reared its ugly head. She wished deep inside that John would say he loved her as well.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12

Chapter 12

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"What happened?" Rodney cried out as he entered Carter's office and saw Lorne and Ronon there as well. "Did we get new information?"

Lorne gave a half smile. "Yeah, we may have caught a break. Martin's team was talking to a vendor just a few days ago who thought they recalled … the couple … coming to his stall on occasion. He couldn't really remember exactly which planet they were from but he knew it was one of about four that he got customers from. He gave us the addresses and I sent teams to each one."

"Tell me you found Sheppard and Teyla," Rodney begged, his eyes frantic.

"No, but we did find where the couple live. Rodriguez' team talked to a few people near the gate and they confirmed that this couple actually live there. They also said the place was heavily fortified with guards so Rodriguez decided it would be more prudent to come back and get some reinforcements."

Lorne looked at Carter as if asking her to sanction the mission to extract Sheppard and Teyla from the horror show they had been in. He knew the SGC had pretty much decided to write them off as lost but Carter couldn't do that. Yes, it had been over seven months but if they were still alive they owed it to them to try.

Carter took a deep breath and nodded her head. "Take a few units of Marines and put this down as gathering Intel on some possible Wraith hive ships. If we happen upon information on Sheppard and Teyla while on another mission, we'll be fine. You know Barrows will be all over us if he knows we're sending troops specifically to search for them, though."

Lt. Col. Barrows had been sent to replace John although Sam thought he was only temporary. He didn't have a whole lot of experience in the SGC but he had done some good stuff in Kuwait. But the SGC was still undecided as to what they were doing with John's position. They had yet to find someone who had the knowledge and experience with alien races like he did. Maybe they wouldn't have to make a final decision if they could actually get John back.

Lorne nodded and said, "I thought I'd take the crew that was with me when we found the slaver. I can trust them not to talk about anything they see when we get there. I don't really know what we'll find. The other units I'll place on the gate and outside for backup if we really need them. That way we can get the two of them out of there with as few people seeing what really happened as possible."

"Good thinking," Sam praised. "I'd like you to leave first thing in the morning. The sooner we can get them out of there the better."

"We should bring some clothes for them to wear, too" suggested Ronon. "Just in case what they have on isn't appropriate for public viewing."

Rodney looked horrified at the thought and Sam nodded understanding that the situation would most likely be awkward.

The four people all stood around looking at each other, all of them thinking the same thing. They knew Sheppard and Teyla had been gone a very long time and would very likely need help once they got back to Atlantis. But they all wondered what they would find. How had the two friends handled the situation? They were both extremely strong individuals but being a slave to immoral people for seven months wasn't even something they could try and imagine. The best they could hope for was that their friends weren't permanently damaged, either physically or emotionally.

.

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"You know if you weren't a slave, this place might be okay to live in," Rodney commented as they approached the huge mansion that potentially held Sheppard and Teyla. Ronon slapped him on the side of the head and Rodney was about to complain when he realized he probably deserved that one. He was trying to keep his mind occupied with other things so he didn't have to think about Sheppard and Teyla and what it had been like living here.

Rodney tried to imagine in his mind that his two friends had just been put to work cooking and cleaning and mucking out stalls and other menial labor. The other 'work' they could be forced to do was just too agonizing to even think about. He just hoped when they went in, the two weren't in the middle of 'working' because that would be more than a little awkward not to mention embarrassing for all parties involved.

Maybe they could just ring the bell and ask for their friends back and Sheppard and Teyla would be allowed to walk out without a fuss. And maybe he was being completely delusional and needed some psychiatric treatment if he thought it would be that easy.

"We start out asking nicely," Lorne instructed, "and then if we get refused, we can resort to force, understood?"

Ronon just grunted. He really just wanted to blow through the doors, take out any guards who got in his way and retrieve Sheppard and Teyla. He didn't think any big discussion would be necessary. Of course along the way he also wanted to blow a large hole in the two people who had dared violate his friends. But he understood why Lorne was doing it this way.

Several guards blocked their way as they came up to the estate gates. Their weapons were primitive and they figured they were no match for the Lanteans. Lorne took a step forward and asked nicely, "We'd like to see the owners of the house, please. We have some business to discuss with them."

"You don't discuss business with large weapons like that," one of the guards commented. "I can't let you in unless you tell me who you are and what it's about and give up your weapons. And even then I'm not sure the Masters will see you. They're very busy people."

"You can tell them we're from Atlantis," Lorne informed the man and was happy to see his eyes grow wide with interest. "And you can also tell them that we're coming into the house whether they want us to or not. They can invite us in for a polite conversation or we can get a few _more_ units of soldiers and come in by force. It's completely their choice."

Lorne gave a very forced smile but made sure the guards understood that they meant business. One of the guards left to enter the house and came back a few minutes later, his smile also forced.

"The Masters say they would be more than happy to entertain a contingent from Atlantis. If you'll follow me."

Lorne motioned for one unit to stay outside the estate, spread out and keep their eyes and ears open. He'd left another unit by the gate. That left just Ronon, McKay and the two Marines who had been with him when they'd gotten the tape from the slaver and himself. They followed the guard inside the house and each person in the group surveyed the surroundings, looking for any signs of trouble or Sheppard and Teyla.

They were led into an immense room where two middle aged people sat on an elaborate sofa. The man stood when they entered the room and greeted them politely.

"Welcome, I am Torqueo and this is my wife Scelestus. We are honored by this visit from Lanteans such as yourself. How may we assist you?"

Lorne moved forward and said, "We're looking for a few of our friends. We received information that they were here." He pulled out a picture of Sheppard and Teyla and held it out for the couple to see. The wife blanched quickly and Torqueo's jaw clenched tightly. Yeah, they knew who they were; Lorne could see that quite easily.

Ronon obviously saw the reaction, too. He took a step closer and rested his hand on his gun. "Where are they? We want them back."

Torqueo drew himself up to his full height and said, "They are not here anymore. They were only here for a handful of days and then they attempted to escape. Of course it was after the man disgraced my daughters and killed two of our guards."

"You said they _attempted_ to escape," McKay called him on his wording. "Where are they now?"

"They are dead!" Scelestus finally spoke and with a chill in her voice.

Ronon moved menacingly close to the couple and roared, "You killed them for attempting to escape!"

Lorne stepped in front of him and held him from harming the two people before he could get more information from them. If Sheppard and Teyla truly were dead though he wasn't sure he would be able to keep Ronon from hurting them.

"Tell us what happened," Lorne demanded. "We know you bought them from Erus as slaves and we know what kind of slaves they were, so don't think you're going to make us feel bad for anything they did."

Torqueo scowled. "Erus! She guaranteed we would be satisfied with them. However they were only here a few days and we had hardly utilized them when Scelestus and I went on another buying trip, leaving them under guard in the house. As I said before, the man disgraced my daughters and then slit the throats of two guards. The men would have been punished ultimately as they were using the woman for their own needs; perhaps why the man killed them so viciously. Those two had a deep connection and desire for protecting the other which is why we purchased them. We thought we could use it to our advantage. We did not realize they would become violent."

Rodney heard what the man was saying and kept trying to convince himself that his two friends were not dead. But he also heard that they had _hardly_ been utilized, which meant that they _had_ been, at least a little. Maybe Sheppard and Teyla would have preferred being dead to 'serving' these two in that manner. He knew he probably would, too. He looked at Ronon and could see the man using every ounce of control he had to keep from strangling these people, especially after hearing that the guards had been 'using' the woman. Ronon and Teyla had a bond closer than most siblings and Rodney knew Ronon was dying inside at this information. He felt the same way.

Torqueo tried to defend himself when he saw Ronon's face turn as hard as stone. "My wife and I had nothing to do with their deaths. Apparently during their escape attempt they were killed by my guards. We would not have authorized that penalty especially since we paid top price for them and when subdued, they performed nicely."

Scelestus, realizing these Lanteans didn't want to hear how their friends had performed, stepped into the explanation. "Your friends fought mightily and the guards felt they had no choice except to stop them using deadly force. They had taken one of the kitchen staff with them, as a shield or for her knowledge of this world perhaps. She was also lost and needed to be replaced. But you must not blame us for their deaths."

Lorne narrowed his eyes at them and ground out, "Oh, we can blame you plenty, I think. You're the ones who ' _bought'_ them for your obscene amusement."

Torqueo gave a nervous chuckle. "If we had not purchased them, another would have. Your friends were quite desirable to view and many were in line for their acquisition."

"How do we know you aren't lying to us and they're still here somewhere?" Ronon growled.

Scelestus turned her head and tilted it at the man standing near the door. "Get Jarik."

Just a few moments passed before a tall, trim guard appeared and bowed his head at the couple.

"Jarik, these people need confirmation that their friends are no longer in this house with us." Scelestus reached for the picture and handed it to the man. He took one look and his eyes turned wary.

"They were only here for a short while. They were killed while trying to reach the gate."

"Did _you_ kill them?" Ronon demanded, his anger barely in check.

"No," Jarik shook his head. "But I was there as they were hunted down. There was no choice but to stop them with force." He looked at his Masters and bowed his head to them.

"What'd you do with their bodies?" Lorne asked, thinking the least they could do was retrieve the Colonel's dog tags if this man was truly telling the truth.

"All bodies on this planet are burned to ensure no diseases are transmitted."

Lorne looked around and tried to assess if these people were telling the truth. Torqueo seemed to realize what he was thinking. He swept his hand out to encompass the house. "You may search the house if you still do not believe us. Your friends are not here."

"I think we'll do that," Lorne confirmed. He motioned for the two Marines to stay with the Masters and he, Ronon and Rodney left the room. Rodney had his LSD out and they began following any life signs that were detected. They met several guards but the servant that was sent with them assured the guards to let them roam free.

As they checked out the bedrooms upstairs, McKay started feeling sick to his stomach. This was probably where Teyla and Sheppard had been. He saw two blips on his device in a small room attached to the two larger ones and they ordered the door be unlocked. When opened, they found a young man and woman huddled with fear-filled eyes looking at them.

Ronon growled when he saw it wasn't Teyla and Sheppard. As much as he didn't want them to have been used as sex slaves for the past seven months, he also didn't want to admit they were dead. He had been hoping that maybe the two downstairs had been lying and his friends were right here. Then they could take them home and start getting them the help they'd need to get past what had been done.

But these two didn't look as if they wanted to be here either so Ronon asked, "You two here of your own free will?"

They both shook their heads vehemently and the man asked, "Please, will you help us? If you will not free us then at least have mercy on us and _kill_ us."

Rodney wondered if that was how Sheppard and Teyla had felt and if maybe they had fought so hard against the guards so they wouldn't have to return to this life. Dead was better than this. McKay walked over to them and promised, "Yes, you can come with us. You don't have to stay here anymore."

The servant who was with them started to object but Lorne just lifted his P-90 and the man shut up immediately. Lorne eyed the man intensely and asked, "Are they really not here?" But he knew the answer. If the Masters had ' _bought_ ' a new couple it meant that they no longer were using Sheppard and Teyla in the same way.

The servant shook his head and looked around to ensure no guards were nearby. "They are not here but we have the items they came in with from the slavers. If you tell the Masters that you discovered them on your own, then I will show you where they are."

Lorne nodded his agreement and they followed him down the hall, their two new friends following behind gratefully. The man opened a door to a small storage closet and held his hand up to indicate Lorne could go in.

"The items are on the back shelf on the right. We did not know what much of it was so left it alone."

Lorne and Rodney moved inside while Ronon kept his eyes peeled in the hallway for any trouble. They pulled the items off the shelf and found two TAC vests that each held GDO's and radios. Their weapons were nowhere in sight. The slavers had obviously confiscated those and not passed them on. Many of the vest pockets were still filled with field compresses, extra ammunition and even John's sunglasses. Upon seeing these, Rodney actually let out a whimper. He didn't want to but he thought he might have to admit that his friends were really gone.

Lorne took both vests and asked Rodney if there were any more life signs that he could detect. There were a few and they checked them out on their way back downstairs but they were all guards or servants. As they passed each one, Ronon asked if they were being held there against their will and if they said yes, he told them they could follow along and they would get them home.

When Torqueo and Scelestus saw the people they had gathered behind them they started to protest. "You have no right to take these people. We paid for them fairly and they are our property."

Ronon growled menacingly and Lorne took a step closer to the couple. "Listen, this big guy here, he's ready to just blow you away for your whole part in what happened to our friends. He has no problem just blasting away and killing pretty much everyone in sight and there's not much I can do to stop him if he really wants to. But I figure if you let him take these people who really have no desire to be here, I may be able to keep him from killing you. Doesn't mean he won't come back at a later time and still carry through with it but there's less of a possibility."

Torqueo and Scelestus stood stock still, their eyes wide with fear. _Good_ , Lorne thought, _let them know how it feels to be afraid._ They didn't say anything but they gave slight nods.

Lorne motioned for his people to leave and he allowed Ronon one more fierce growl before they did. The five people they had rescued waited until they had safely cleared the estate gate then began bestowing thanks on their saviors.

As they made their way to the Stargate, Lorne showed these people the picture of Teyla and Sheppard and asked if they remembered them. The two who had replaced them in the bedroom did not. But the others had.

"They were only here for a few days," one older woman confirmed. "I remember when they escaped, the guards were out in full force, knowing the Masters would be livid they had allowed their new pets to get away. We had all hoped they would actually free themselves from this life but when we heard they had been killed, it was a blow for all of us."

"It _was_ disheartening," a middle aged man agreed. "Especially as we knew what they were purchased for was far worse than what we needed to endure." With this he gazed sorrowfully at the young couple who had been locked in the bedroom.

"What I don't get," Rodney broke in, "is that they said that Sheppard had _disgraced_ his daughters and then killed two guards. Why would Sheppard do that if he wanted to get away? I know why he killed the guards by why the daughter thing? I tease him about being a Kirking ladies man but let's face it, he really isn't."

"I think I can answer your question," the young man replied. "The daughters of the Masters love to _'use'_ their mother's slave even though they aren't supposed to. They probably were doing this when he escaped and they lied about what had happened to save their own skins." The man looked away, ashamed and the others all were aware of how he would know of the daughters' tendencies.

Rodney thought for sure he would lose his breakfast. He really shouldn't have eaten so much. Again he realized that death would have been a better option but it didn't make the pain any less severe when it came to losing his friends.

The older woman spoke again. "The very sad part was that they had Tenyse with them when they were killed. She did not deserve that. But I do not think they took her by force. I believe she helped them escape to possibly try and be free herself. She was such a lovely woman and she spoke so longingly of her husband and children. She missed them so. She always dreamed of being reunited with them."

"Well, we're going to get you reunited with your loved ones as soon as we reach the gate," Lorne promised.

And he kept that promise and allowed the five now free slaves to dial their home planets before they dialed Atlantis. He wasn't looking forward to telling Carter that Sheppard and Teyla were dead. He was still having a hard time believing it himself. After all, it was all hearsay, they had no actual proof that they were indeed dead. But they did know they'd been there. The TAC vests and the eyewitness accounts proved that. The former slaves had no reason to lie about the Colonel and Teyla being there.

Lorne looked at the other Marines and saw their downtrodden faces. They had all been eagerly awaiting their CO to be rescued but when Lorne had shook his head dejectedly; they knew it wasn't good news. Lorne knew the rest of Atlantis would feel the same way. They had all been holding out hope that eventually they would be found.

Rodney had to stop a minute and take a few calming breaths before he dialed the DHD and Lorne knew that the scientist would be one of the hardest hit by all this. He and Sheppard had formed a very strange but tight knit relationship. He wasn't sure what it was that had allowed the two very different men to actually work well together never mind be friends. But they were and he knew Rodney had worked harder than anyone over the past seven months, scouring the database looking for where they could possibly be. Rodney finally pulled himself together enough and dialed Atlantis. He sent their code through and at the all clear signal, they began going home, without what they had come here for.

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Colonel Carter heard the gate come to life and Chuck call out that it was McKay's IDC. She rushed from her office and headed down the stairs, noticing that there were a few more people than usual in the gate room or control room at this time. She wondered if word had gotten around that they had a solid lead on Sheppard and Teyla.

The shimmering blue started to ripple and quite a few Marines walked through then Ronon, Rodney and finally Major Lorne. There was no one else. And she could see by the looks on their faces that they hadn't found them. But their eyes were even more desolate than disappointed and she knew something bad had happened.

"Major Lorne," Carter called out as she got closer. He just looked up and she knew it was not good news. "What happened?"

Lorne looked up and answered, "They were there," he held up the extra TAC vests he had gotten, "for the first week."

Sam could see Lorne didn't want to really say what had happened but there was no need as Rodney cut in, "Then they tried to escape and were killed."

Sam sucked in a deep breath and saw that McKay was just about in tears. Ronon looked like he could easily kill someone right now and Lorne was despondent also. The other Marines all dragged as well.

"Is there proof of this?" Carter questioned skeptically.

"No real proof, no bodies as they burn all the bodies on that planet due to disease and stuff," Lorne responded. "But we managed to free a few other slaves who corroborated the story that they were there and had attempted an escape. They had no reason to lie and truthfully the people who had 'bought' them seemed a bit miffed that their guards had killed some pricey merchandise of theirs."

Sam could tell there was more to the story so she looked at the Marines and said, "Post mission checks for you. Lorne, you, Ronon and Rodney give me a quick debrief in my office."

The Marines headed off to the infirmary and the others trooped up the stairs and closed the door behind them. Rodney sank dejectedly into a chair and put his head in his hands. Ronon leaned against the wall looking like he'd rather be punching it and Lorne didn't really know where to look or sit. Sam finally indicated the other chair and he sat as she moved behind her desk.

"Tell me what happened, specifically," Sam asked.

Lorne started the conversation, detailing the meeting with the 'Masters' and their reaction to the picture of Sheppard and Teyla. He went on with what they'd been told had happened then finished with how they had actually searched the house and found other slaves or servants who weren't willingly there. He put the vests down on the side of her desk and pulled out Sheppard's sunglasses.

"They obviously _had_ been there," he stated again and handed the glasses to Rodney, wondering if the man would want them as a reminder of his friend.

Rodney looked at the glasses in his hands and had to swallow hard before he could actually get any sound out of his mouth. "I hate that this happened to them but … I guess I'm a bit relieved that they hadn't been subjected to … you know … that … for more than a few days. The two new ones there were begging us to kill them if we wouldn't set them free. What does that tell you?"

"I want to go back and slit their throats and then find the guard who did the actual killing and rip his heart out with my bare hands," Ronon snarled from his spot against the wall.

Sam just sadly shook her head, even though she completely understood how the man felt. "That won't bring them back, Ronon. It might feel really good for a while but ultimately it's just more violence."

The room became quiet for a while then Sam gave a big sigh and said, "I guess I'll need to report this to the SGC. I'll have to say we came across the information while on other missions so they don't think we were still running missions just for this. But they need to know. And I'm sure John's father and brother will want to be informed also. I think I'll give it a few days and just send it with the regular weekly reports. There's no rush and maybe it will give us all some time to adjust to the news ourselves."

Sam sat back quietly again and looked at the group assembled in her office. They had all been close to John and Teyla and she could see how it was affecting them. She was starting to really feel it herself.

"Someone should tell the Athosians what we found," Ronon suggested then added, "I'll do it if you want me to."

Carter smiled her thanks. "I think that would be good, Ronon. You seem to have a good relationship with them. They'll appreciate it coming from you."

She gazed around the room again and ordered, "Now you all need to go get your post mission check in the infirmary and then I want you to take a few days off. Lorne, don't worry about anything," she added as she saw the man start to object, "I'll get a few of the others to cover your duties. I think you all need time to grieve and remember. We'll have to have some sort of memorial service here but I think that can wait a few days too. Think about what we should do for that."

She gave them all what she hoped was an encouraging smile and told them to go. They dragged themselves out of her office, leaving her sitting at her desk by herself. She knew without actual bodies there was always the possibility that their people were still alive. But thinking back on the circumstances and all the accounts of the other slaves, she knew it was highly unlikely. Rodney had said they weren't on the planet and Sam knew if Sheppard and Teyla had somehow managed to get off that world, they would have found a way to get back to Atlantis. But they hadn't, which meant they were really gone.

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	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13

Chapter 13

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"The finish on that is lovely, John," Teyla complimented as she looked at the cradle John was working on outside. "Is that the pachel seed oil that Finn told you of?" She moved a few feet to take down the sheets and other items from the clothesline as he worked.

John moved the oil soaked rag over the wood and replied, "Yeah, works nice, huh? This came out better than I thought it would."

John had spent time over the past few weeks making a nice, sturdy cradle for the baby. They still had a few months but he didn't want to wait until the last minute. Once this kid came they'd need a place for him to sleep. And it wasn't like you could run to the store to buy one, although he knew enough people who would have made one for them if they had asked. There was no shortage of generous friends around here.

But this was his kid and he wanted to be involved in creating the place where he first slept. He wanted to be involved in every aspect of this kid, period. That nervous, almost tingly feeling settled in his stomach again and John tried to decipher whether it was anxiety or excitement. He figured it was a little of both. He was definitely excited about having the baby, more so now that they could feel him move so often. But he was also nervous for a thousand different reasons.

His own Dad had been great when he was very young but even then he had spent lots of time away building the business up. As John had gotten older, his Dad had tried to get John involved with him through the family business. Unfortunately John hadn't wanted anything to do with that and so his Dad's relationship with him had deteriorated while Dave's had grown.

He wanted to have a good relationship with this kid and he wanted it to last. But what did he know of being a father? He and Finn had talked quite often of this and he was the only one who knew that John was nervous about being a Dad. Finn seemed to think he would be fine and that he would learn along the way. It was how _he_ had done it. And John could plainly see that Finn was an incredible Dad. And his two kids were great kids, too.

But John also worried about Teyla actually having the baby. He knew she wasn't worried about the lack of medical facilities, since Athos had far less medical knowledge than this place; they at least had the clinic. But Teyla had told him that people here had their babies at home and John was terrified that Teyla would go into labor and he wouldn't have time to go get someone to help. He knew he wasn't qualified to actually deliver a baby but cell phone service was severely limited on this world; severely limited.

His eyes roamed to where he could just see the corner of the front porch. He had fastened a large bell to the ceiling of the roof and planned on using it if he needed something urgently. He had tested it out and the closest neighbors could hear it quite well and even Finn and Tenyse had been able to hear it at their house if they rang it vigorously enough. Hopefully this baby would come when Shalise or Tenyse was around and he wouldn't have to do much but hold Teyla's hand.

He knew he'd be doing _that_. Finn had told him quite honestly that childbirth was extremely painful and that no matter how strong of a woman you thought you had, it still was agonizing. But he would be there because he wanted to see his son born. He could think of nothing more miraculous than that and he was looking forward to holding this child in his arms, finally.

He looked over to where Teyla was taking down laundry and he smiled at the way her hips and belly swayed when she moved. He didn't think he'd ever get enough of looking at her. And now that her belly was bigger, he loved looking at her even more. He knew it was probably freakish of him but he found her even sexier round with his child. And whenever he told her that, she would always laugh at his foolishness. But she would blush, too, and that told him that she appreciated the comment.

He finished applying the last coat of pachel seed oil and took a look to make sure he hadn't missed any spots. The cradle was now all nice and shiny with its new coat of stain and what these people used as a varnish. He was fairly proud of his craftsmanship, too. He had to admit he had asked Finn for a few pointers but he had made it all himself. It was large and sturdy so the child could stay in it for quite some time. There was no sense spending too much time on something the baby could only use for a few months.

But he had added some nice designs and carvings to the wood itself and Teyla had said she really liked the way it looked. He wiped his hands on a clean rag and looked back at Teyla who was just bending down to pick up the laundry basket. He chuckled when she had to hold the basket further out to accommodate her growing belly.

"Why don't you let me take that," John suggested and Teyla gave him that look again, the one that said _'stop pampering me'_ but she allowed him to take it from her. He knew she didn't like being unable to do some things and he knew she was still very capable of doing many things but sometimes he just liked making life easier for her.

He walked with her into the cottage, knowing the cradle would be fine outside until it dried completely. The sky was without clouds and there were still quite a few hours left until sunset. But he knew he'd have to take it in before then as the nights were starting to get chilly again. Finn had said winter would be here around the time the baby was due. He'd have to make sure he had plenty of firewood chopped and stored before then. He wanted to be with Teyla as much as possible when the baby first came. Okay, maybe he wanted to spend as much time with the baby as well.

He put the laundry basket near the settee and moved back to the sink to get all the oil from his hands, then he would help Teyla fold it. She had already started when he returned and he grabbed one end of a large sheet she was folding and they did it together. He remembered that he and Dave had always worked together to fold sheets as it saved time and frustration. There was nothing worse than trying to fold a sheet that was taller than you and getting it to fold evenly in half.

"Thank you, John," Teyla said and pulled a pillow case out and threw it to him. She removed another pillow case and folded as well.

As they worked, John mentioned the cradle again. "You know, Teyla, I was thinking I might make a name plate for the head board of the cradle but before I do that, we have to think of a name for him. You're still absolutely sure it's a boy?"

"Yes, John," Teyla assured him. "He is a boy. I am quite certain of it. And I have been thinking of names also for him. Did you have anything specific _you_ would like?"

John just shrugged and grabbed a pair of pants from the basket. "Not really. There are some names I like better than others but I don't really know any Athosian names. Maybe we could give him an Athosian name and an Earth name."

Teyla's eyes sparkled. "I was thinking a similar thought. For his Athosian name I was hoping we could give him my father's name, Torren. And for his Earth name, I could think of no better than his own father's name of John."

John got a funny expression on his face and Teyla knew it was his embarrassed look. He had obviously not thought of naming the child after himself. But his mouth turned up in a smile and she knew he was pleased.

"It would have to be Torren John," John recommended. "If he's John Torren then we'd both have the same first name and that can get confusing when the kid gets a little older. And with Torren John, his initials would be TJ, which is a pretty cute nickname for a little kid if we wanted to call him that."

"Yes, I can see you giving a child a nickname," Teyla smiled at him. "Many of the military on base seem to have that same habit."

At the mention of Atlantis they both became quiet. It wasn't that they didn't want to talk about it or forget they had lived there but they both knew it was highly unlikely they would see the beautiful city again. And talking about it just made them realize how much they missed the city and most of all their friends there.

They finished folding the clothes and John picked up his to put in the dresser and Teyla did the same with hers. John then grabbed the sheets and put them in the cabinet.

He pushed aside the blanket that was hanging in the doorway of their new bedroom and nodded approvingly.

"A couple more things, Teyla, and we should be able to move in. Hopefully I can get those windows sealed tomorrow and finish up the trim. Once I clean up all the dust we can put the bed and dresser in there and I can add the door. And then no more worrying about people dropping by while we're still in bed."

Teyla chuckled as she moved to John's side and gazed in the doorway also. He lifted his arm and draped it over her shoulder and they stood silently staring at the new space that would soon be their very own bedroom. And beside it was the room that would be for their child, although they figured for the first month at least they would keep him in with them. Teyla had already made curtains for both rooms and John had carved out a few little airplanes that he wanted to hang over the child's bed. He said he'd had them when he was little and it might have been what made him want to become a pilot. But if they stayed on this world that would never happen with their child as the technology on this planet was far too primitive for air travel.

As they stood staring into the empty room, the words Teyla had said earlier about Atlantis came back to haunt John. He gave a huge sigh and pulled Teyla closer to him.

"I wish we could give them some peace and let them know we're okay."

He didn't have to say who; Teyla knew he was talking about their friends in the city. She, too, did not wish them to be forever agonized over their disappearance. She knew the worst part would be always wondering where they were and not being able to find them. She also knew her friends would be guilt ridden that they had allowed them to be taken to begin with and then more guilt at not being able to locate them.

She knew that she and John did not blame them at all for what had happened. And they had a good life here. It was not filled with the satisfaction they received when they destroyed a Wraith hive ship or other such fete but it was good. And she could think of no other person she would rather be stranded with than John.

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"Mr. Sheppard, General O'Neill is here to see you again," Patrick Sheppard heard Carol tell him over the intercom on his desk. His stomach clenched and his heart skipped a beat as he pressed the button and said to send him in.

He was already up and opening the door as the Air Force officer approached. Patrick ushered him in and closed the door then turned to see what kind of news he had for him today. The last visit here had been to say his son was missing. Well he already knew that so they'd either found him or gotten some other information on him that was important. He didn't think the General would come all this way just to say they were still looking.

"Please tell me you found my son alive," Patrick almost pleaded, though his voice was as controlled as he could get it at the moment.

When O'Neill paused and took a deep breath, Patrick knew what he wished for was _not_ about to come true.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sheppard," O'Neill replied and Patrick could hear the sorrow in his voice. He'd known and respected John, too. "We received some Intelligence that makes us conclude that John is dead. The US Air Force is declaring him KIA. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"You're absolutely sure?" Patrick questioned, wondering what kind of Intelligence they received.

"We didn't recover a body if that's what you're asking. But the evidence is enough that we feel Colonel Sheppard is no longer living. Some of the sources are questionable but there were a few that had no reason for lying and truly believed John died."

"And do you know when this happened? Recently or back when he first went missing?"

"The Intelligence suggests it was a little over seven months ago," O'Neill said.

"Which was when he first disappeared," Patrick said and so concluded, "That means he must have died in the crash."

Patrick saw something in O'Neill's expression that told him that wasn't the case. He knew most of what John did was classified but maybe he'd give him a little bit of information.

"General, there's something you're not telling me. Did John die _right away_ after his transport went down? And I need the truth. Don't try and give me some crap about Military secrets because I don't really care. This is my son we're talking about and I have a right to know what happened. If you haven't lost a son then you wouldn't know what that's like."

The General's face hardened and he confided, "Actually I do know what that's like."

Patrick immediately felt horrible for saying that but used it to his advantage. "I'm sorry about _your_ son, General, but then you know what I must be feeling. I need to know what happened. You don't need to tell me any classified information but just a summary of what John went through."

O'Neill looked down at his feet then up at Patrick again. "We believe John was alive for about a week to ten days after he went down. The Intelligence suggests he was killed while trying to escape. We had some units that just recently infiltrated where he was being held. They liberated a few other prisoners and some of them remembered John and gave us the information about his few days there. We also found his TAC vest, pretty much verifying that he was indeed in that location at some point."

When O'Neill saw Patrick about to say something he continued, "And yes we know it was John's. It still had his sunglasses in it; his team verified they were his. I wish we could have retrieved a body for you but unfortunately there wasn't anything to retrieve. Again, I'm very sorry. Your son was a fine soldier and a _damn_ amazing pilot. The US Air Force has suffered a great loss."

Patrick, for probably the first time in his life, was at a loss for words. It had hit him hard when they had declared John MIA but now to be almost positive that he was dead, it was just too much to process all at once.

General O'Neill seemed to understand and gave him a few moments then continued, "There'll be a Military funeral for John at Arlington National Cemetery in a few weeks. I'll have someone call your office with exact details in the next few days once everything's been arranged and settled. We can make arrangements for your family to be flown out there and back and even provide you with a hotel room for the night if you need it."

Patrick seemed to snap out of his reverie and shook his head slowly. "I have a private plane so getting there won't be a problem but thank you for the offer. And thank you for coming to see me and tell me the news personally. You could have just called or sent some underling to do the job. I can't imagine this is one of your favorite things to do."

"No, not really," O'Neill agreed. "But John had a very high command position and he deserved the respect of having the news given in person. Again, I'm very sorry. If you need anything just call. I work in DC at the Pentagon and I can be reached there. Just mention John's name and they'll put you through."

"Just one more thing, General and I'm not sure if you even know the answer to this, but the week John spent captive, do you know if they tortured or hurt him terribly?"

O'Neill gave a tiny shrug. "I don't really have the answer to that question. He wasn't in a resort so I don't imagine he was having a _great_ time but anything else … I simply don't have the answer for you."

"And the woman who was with him, Teyla? Did they find her? Was she one of the prisoners they rescued?" Patrick hoped for this. Even if John hadn't lived through this, maybe the woman that he cared about had. And if she had, maybe he could meet her and they could discuss John and he could get to know what his son had been like before he died. It had been so long since he'd seen him, he felt like he truly didn't know him.

"No," O'Neill eyes clouded over. "She was with your son when they attempted to escape. John was very protective of Teyla and it's just my guess he was trying to get her out of whatever situation they were in. Apparently there was another woman who'd been captive that he tried to help escape, too. I guess she didn't make it either."

Patrick again was left speechless, so he put his hand out and shook O'Neill's then watched as the man walked out the door. Patrick stood silently for a few minutes then started to shut it. The door didn't even close all the way when David walked in, his eyes wild.

"Carol just told me General O'Neill was here. What did he say? Obviously it was about John?"

Patrick couldn't answer right away and David's heart dropped. He saw his father take a deep breath and walk over to sit behind his desk. He had to look twice but he realized his father's eyes had a moist sheen to them. He hadn't seen him cry since his mother had died and then he had only done it in private for a short time while he'd held the boys.

"Are they sure?" David asked his voice cracking when he realized that the news was that John was dead. The MIA thing was hard enough but he'd always been able to convince himself that John was still alive somewhere and they'd eventually find him. Of course as the months went by and there was still no word, hope had slowly started to dissipate. Now he guessed it had completely disappeared.

He sat down on the couch and lowered his head into his hands and felt moisture start to touch his eyes as well. He ran his hands through his hair and laughed inside when he realized that was something that John always did whenever he was upset or nervous about something. He looked up to find his father staring at him.

"General O'Neill said that your brother was alive for about a week or so and that he was killed as he attempted to escape. I guess he had that woman, Teyla, with him."

He looked over to the bookshelf where he had made a copy of the picture of John and Teyla. "You know John never could stand to see anyone abuse a woman so I guess he tried to get her out of there. It must not have worked."

David just shook his head in understanding. Yeah, John always did have a thing about standing up for the underdog. He'd come home with more than his share of black eyes and bloody noses trying to keep the bigger bullies from picking on the little guy. And he definitely wouldn't have liked anyone picking on a girl. He'd always admired that about him even if he never actually told him.

And why hadn't he ever told his brother that? He knew the answer but just didn't want to admit it. He had never told John because he didn't want to admit that John was better than him in some ways. And now he had to admit _in many_ ways. Sure, John and their Dad had gotten into more than their share of fights but David knew that it was because John wouldn't cave in and do what their father wanted him to do.

But _he_ had. He'd done _everything_ that Dad had wanted and had never once argued and he'd liked being the good son. The attention he'd gotten had made him just want to continue to please his father. But if he was truthful, he knew there were things that he would have preferred doing rather than going into the family business. He'd thought about studying architecture at one point and had imagined designing important buildings and grand houses. But Patrick Sheppard hadn't wanted him to and he had acquiesced. Too easily probably.

But at least now he was here for his Dad when he needed him. And that was what was important. Not that he'd had other career ideas at some young point in his life. Right now he needed to help his Dad get through a major loss. He'd done it when their Mom had died and they had managed. But then he and John had _both_ worked to help their Dad cope with the loss while they also tried to cope. But that had been the great part; they were doing it together. Now he didn't have John to help him. He was the one they were grieving for and coping would be much, much harder this time.

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"Hey Nancy, I need a favor, honey."

Nancy looked up to see Brenda from General O'Neill's office downstairs stick her head in the doorway. Nancy waved her in and pointed to the chair across from her desk as she finished the last few words on the computer in front of her.

"What can I do for you, Brenda?" Nancy smiled as she looked up from her work.

The outgoing redhead leaned forward and glanced in the folder in front of her. "I really just need to use some of your contacts. When you have those foreign dignitaries, you use a few specific hotels, right? Ones that don't ask a lot of questions but have great service and keep reporters out."

Nancy nodded and Brenda continued, "I just need to know who to contact at those places to arrange for some rooms. We're getting some guests for a memorial service at Arlington for some Colonel who was just pronounced KIA. I need to make sure the staff is very discreet or that's what General O'Neill said, anyway."

Nancy pulled out her electronic planner and scrolled through her contact list and started writing down some names for Brenda. But she was curious as to who this Colonel was who was killed and why they needed special treatment for his guests. There hadn't been any big news releases about him.

"Who was this guy?" Nancy asked conversationally. "I haven't heard any scuttlebutt around here about him."

Brenda looked back at the papers in her hand and read through a few things. "Apparently he was pronounced MIA a few months back but they now have reason to believe he was killed." She leaned in closer and looked back toward the door to check for anyone around. "My guess is he was on a highly classified mission and no one wants anyone to know about it. But it's kind of hard to hide some things once you tell the family their son is dead."

"Colonel's a pretty high rank," Nancy commented. "You'd think this would be all over the news."

Brenda peeked at the sheet again and corrected, "Oh, actually he's only a Lt. Colonel. Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. I've never heard of him but then I'm still only temporarily in General O'Neill's office until Margie gets back from her knee surgery."

Nancy heard the name and her hand paused mid letter. She looked up at Brenda and clarified, "John Sheppard. Air Force, John Sheppard?" John Sheppard was a common enough name. Maybe there was another one, from some other branch of the military.

But Brenda checked her page again and chirped, "Yeah, Air Force. I guess his father is some big wig business man. General O'Neill had to go tell him about his son about a week ago when they first found out. He wasn't very happy about it. I think he really liked this guy."

Nancy felt her heart pound louder in her chest and her breath pick up a bit. She couldn't believe John was dead. Even though she knew he took all the dangerous assignments, one of the reasons they weren't married anymore, she still wasn't prepared for the pain she felt rip through her. She had divorced the man so she wouldn't have to endure this kind of emotional agony when he finally came across something too big for him to handle. But the pain was still here. Why was it still here? It shouldn't be.

Brenda noticed the stillness in Nancy's posture and on closer inspection saw that the woman had tears about to leak out of her eyes.

"Nancy!" she called out concerned then repeated, "Nancy, are you all right? Did you know this guy?"

Nancy managed to nod her head but just barely. The tears that she had been trying to hold at bay pooled deeper and spilled over and down her cheeks. She wiped furiously at them. She had given up crying over John Sheppard years ago. There was no reason for her to do it now.

She looked up at Brenda and nodded again.

"Oh, honey, how did you know him? You seem pretty upset."

Nancy took in a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. "He was my … ex-husband."

Brenda's eyes got wide and she pulled a picture out of the folder. "You were married to this guy? He's gorgeous. Why would you ever let him go? He wasn't a cheater, was he? That's the worst."

Nancy held her hand out and Brenda gave the picture to her. Nancy saw that it was fairly recent and upon closer inspection it looked like a promotion picture and according to the pins on his shoulders it was when he got Lt. Colonel. But he still looked as handsome as ever and his hair was still sticking up all over the back of his head. She couldn't remember how many times she had tried to get that damn hair to stay down. But it had a mind of its own. Kind of like John.

She kept her eyes on the picture and answered Brenda's question. "No, he wasn't a cheater, at least not with other women. But sometimes I felt like he loved his job more than me."

Nancy knew she needed to pull herself together so she handed the picture back to Brenda and then gave her the names of the hotel people she had asked for.

Brenda took the hint and stood up but offered, "If you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on or even just someone to buy you a stiff drink, let me know. I'm pretty good at all those things."

Nancy gave her a genuine smile. "Thanks, Brenda, I really appreciate it. But John was in my past and I can't say I'm very surprised that he was killed in action. For John, action was the only thing he truly loved. But I have Grant now and I don't have to worry about his job being too dangerous. Good luck with those hotel bookings."

Brenda nodded at her and left the office and as soon as the door was shut, Nancy's head fell into her hands and the tears started to flow for real. Why was she doing this? She had given John up or really, he had given up on her. When she had asked for the divorce she hadn't really wanted one. What she had wanted was John to wake up and see that his disappearing acts and silence were having a disastrous effect on their marriage. But he had acted in true John Sheppard fashion and just said nothing. He had been hurt, it had been quite obvious by the pain she saw in his very expressive eyes but he hadn't tried to talk her out of it or ask her why or even attempt to fight for her. And that had made her really mad. She had gone through with the divorce, honestly expecting that he would somehow get that this was for real and come back begging for another chance.

But she had been deluding herself just like she always did when John didn't act the way she wanted him to. She had truly loved John, it wasn't a hard thing to do, but she also had married him expecting him to change. He had grown up in a rich and pampered environment and she thought he would eventually give up his dangerous lifestyle to stay closer to home.

She thought about that and knew he never had. He'd obviously still been involved in the whole cloak and dagger routine and this time it had gotten him killed. Those thoughts brought pain lancing through her gut again. She let a few more tears fall; she knew she couldn't stop them. But she had let John go, hadn't she? And if she had truly let him go, it wasn't supposed to hurt this much.

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	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14

Chapter 14

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"Tenyse, you look absolutely lovely today," Teyla commented to her friend as they stopped at their house to walk to the wedding together. Finn, Zeth and Kelina trooped out of the house in their best attire also. After Teyla and John had greeted the others, Teyla looked at the bouquet of flowers in Tenyse's hand with a question.

"Are those for Shalise? Would she not want them before the ceremony?"

"No, they're mine," Tenyse answered. "Finn and I will be renewing our vows while Shalise and Tolden are saying theirs."

At both John and Teyla's confused expressions, Finn jumped in. "On this world, weddings are not held often so when one couple is wed, all others who wish to be wed or say their vows anew are welcome to join in. It is always interesting to see who decides at the last minute to get married. It is also interesting to see who does _not_ renew their vows."

Tenyse chuckled as she gazed up ahead where Zeth and Kelina were leading the way. "And there are always a few young ones who must be stopped by their parents before they jump into a commitment they are not ready for."

"Baraman and I have already made arrangements for Zeth and Sarana to be nowhere near each other when the ceremony takes place," Finn informed them.

John nodded in understanding. Zeth and Sarana were barely adults and they had only started courting since he and Teyla had been here and that was only eight months ago.

He looked over at Teyla and marveled at how amazing she looked. Yes, she was quite far along but the bigger she got the more he couldn't get enough of being with her. She had complained about how large she was but John had just kissed her stomach and told her she'd be the most beautiful woman there today. She had gotten a very pretty, pastel dress for the wedding that showed off her still firm arms and shoulders but gracefully draped over her rounded belly. She was wearing a soft cape since winter was just about upon them but they knew it would get warm in the community building with all the people there.

He thought about what Finn had said about who _wouldn't_ be renewing their vows and wondered what people would think of Teyla and him. He wasn't sure what the townsfolk thought about them and whether or not they were married. He'd had a few people call Teyla his wife and he had never corrected them. It had never seemed to matter before. They were living together and having a baby; it was a natural assumption.

But now that he started to think about it, maybe it did matter. He and Teyla were having a child together and perhaps they _should_ be married before this kid came. They'd never really talked about it but he wasn't sure what tradition was on Athos. Even on Earth it was still fairly traditional for the guy to do the asking. Was Teyla waiting for him to say something?

He thought about this community wedding thing for the rest of the half mile walk to town and he was still wondering what to do when they arrived at the community building. Quite a few people were milling around outside and when Finn and Tenyse began a conversation with several neighbors, John pulled Teyla aside privately to sit on a nearby bench.

"John, I am fine," Teyla objected as she sat next to him on the bench. "I do not need to sit."

"Maybe I do," he joked. "I _am_ older than you, you know and we just walked a mile here."

Teyla smiled at his absurd words but knew he was being thoughtful. Then John approached the subject he'd been thinking about during the walk here.

"What do you think about this communal wedding thing they've got going on?" He looked right at her to see her reaction. Her eyes were wary as if she didn't want to give too much away.

"It is an interesting concept and an easy way for two people to make a commitment to each other with very little fuss involved."

John tilted his head and continued, "What do you think about it … for us?"

Teyla's eyes did show some reaction and John thought it looked like interest or relief. "Are you _interested_ in having us join in the ceremony?" she asked.

John's face showed that quirky, embarrassed look he got when he felt awkward about something. He took a deep breath and replied, "Yeah, I think I am. I know I don't say it much but I hope you know Teyla, that I am definitely committed to you and this baby. And I think I like the idea of us making that commitment and I think it would be good to do it before the baby is born."

Teyla's eyes turned moist and John thought maybe she didn't want to do it and didn't know how to tell him, so he quickly gave her an out. "We don't have to do it, Teyla, if you don't want to. Really, we can just go along the way we have been. That's fine, too. Don't worry about it."

Teyla reached up to caress John's cheek. "That is not the reason for my tears. You should know by now, John, that they come quite easily at all times. For now, however, they are showing that I am very happy with your suggestion. I, too, feel I would like to have an official commitment before our child enters this world. And we both know that will not be very long from now. He is already outgrowing his current location."

John lifted his hand to rest on her distended abdomen and he looked back up into her eyes. His face fairly shone with radiance. "So we should do it? Get married?"

A lone tear escaped down Teyla's cheek and she nodded, "Yes, I believe we should."

Right then their son twisted vigorously in Teyla's tummy and John laughed at the movement he saw and felt. "I think he likes that idea."

Teyla closed her eyes and felt such a sense of warmth and contentment, the tears started to flow again. "He is very pleased. He can feel how much we care about him and each other."

John leaned over and gave her a tiny kiss. "Then I know it's the right thing to do."

They moved together for another kiss and their lips had barely touched when they heard a booming voice say, "Save it for after the ceremony, my friends." It was Finn and they hadn't even noticed his approach. "There will be time for sealing your vows then."

"That's what we were just talking about," John told him. "So how do we get in on this deal?"

Finn laughed heartily, happy his friends would engage in the vows. He and Tenyse were the only ones who truly knew what their situation was. But he had watched these two grow closer in both physical as well as emotional caring since they had been here. He wished them all the happiness in the world.

"There is nothing that needs to be done prior to the ceremony. When the presider calls for all the couples who wish to be wed or have their vows renewed, you simply come forward to stand behind the formal bride and groom which is Shalise and Tolden."

Finn turned his head and looked back at the community building and all the people who were entering it. "They will begin in a very short time so we should perhaps go in and find a seat. Although if I know my wife, she has already procured seats for us. But we must hurry or we will find her fighting off others who wish to use them."

John put his hand out to help Teyla stand and she willing allowed him. She hated to admit it but getting up off furniture had not been the easiest of actions recently. They entered the building and found Tenyse, Kelina and Zeth near the front saving seats for them. They swiftly sat and it was only minutes before they heard music and Shalise and Tolden entered, each coming from a different side of the room to meet in the middle.

The presider, who also was one of the town magistrates, welcomed all to the ceremony for the union of Shalise and Tolden and then went on to talk about the sanctity of marriage and then spoke some more and John wondered if he just liked to hear himself talk. He'd never had much to do with the man, much preferring the company of the working folk like Finn, Timnis and Shuntar.

After a few minutes, the magistrate invited all who wished to participate in the marriage ceremony to come forward. John stood up and again helped Teyla to stand. He saw that most of the married people in town moved forward but he didn't really see anyone new. Apparently he and Teyla were the only ones who were getting hitched for the first time but he didn't really plan on telling anyone that unless they asked. He wasn't sure about the stigma of having a baby out of wedlock on this world. For all he knew it could be a hanging offense.

He laughed at that notion since the justice system they had was far from the old west. There really was very little crime at all. Of course the towns were small and the townsfolk helped care for and provide work for anyone who couldn't find it otherwise. Like Teyla and him.

They stood beside Tenyse and Finn and as the magistrate started the vows he saw someone shove a small bouquet of flowers into Teyla's hands. She smiled her thanks then lifted one hand to hold John's as the other couples were doing.

The vows were quick and simple and spoke of love and commitment and being by your partner's side for all time. Yeah, John liked that thought; being by Teyla's side for all time. And as they were pretty much stuck here he could think of no one else he'd rather be stuck with. Of course he'd never word it to Teyla that way. She might just kick his ass, eight months pregnant or not.

The communal part of the ceremony was finishing up and all the couples repeated vows that John thought were similar to the Earth ones of love, honor and respect. But instead of saying, "I do," the couples all said, "I promise."

John gazed down at Teyla's face to see her beaming with pleasure. And when the presider announced that they were all legally wed and they could show their affection for their partner in their own choice of ways, John and Teyla immediately wrapped their arms around each other and locked their lips. John wasn't usually so demonstrative in public but he almost forgot where they were when he really understood that he and Teyla had made a true, legal commitment to each other.

Everyone returned to their seats and they finished the ceremony with music and singing and then the magistrate said a few more words and declared the service ended. The chairs were pushed aside and tables brought in and the band started setting up in one corner near an improvised dance floor. Food was brought out and John received many thanks and appreciation for his cooler design as much of the food could now be stored for longer periods and so prepared much more in advance.

John and Teyla sat at a table with Finn's family and they were joined by Timnis, Shuntar and Shuntar's wife Bessa. Shuntar and Bessa were a good fifteen years older than John but he enjoyed their company very much. They were down to earth people and Teyla had been working with Bessa to get some baby clothes put together. Bessa had a sewing machine, with a foot pedal of course not electric, and it was easier to sew the clothes with that than by hand. Teyla had enjoyed her company.

And Teyla was getting baby advice from her as well as many of the women of the town. Bessa and Shuntar had two grown children who had a few children of their own. Their oldest son still lived in town but their younger had married a girl from Pontis and so lived there. Occasionally Bessa had her two granddaughters over to watch them and Teyla had so enjoyed interacting with them. Especially as one was an infant.

As the days progressed she and John could hardly contain their enthusiasm and excitement in the arrival of the child. But Teyla was also a bit nervous about actually being a mother. Her own mother had been taken when she was young and she had been raised by her father and trained to be a leader among her people. Becoming a mother had not really been in her life plans.

She knew John was also apprehensive about being a good father. He and his own father had not had a wonderful relationship in many years. John had spoken of him a bit more in the recent months and Teyla felt saddened that when they had last seen each other, harsh words had been spoken. John had not dwelled on the incident but she could tell that he was deeply disturbed by it.

Teyla wondered if John's father and brother had been told of their disappearance. It had now been over eight months since they had been gone. She knew it had been many years since John had seen them but perhaps the military would feel the need to inform his family of his disappearance. And even though she knew John did not believe so, she _knew_ his family would indeed be upset by his loss.

As for her own people, she knew they would be saddened but the Athosians had dealt with loss all their lives and would find her disappearance just another of many losses they would get past. She did miss them though. It was very different here than it had been in either New Athos or in Atlantis. She felt they were somewhere in between the two. This place did not have the advanced technology of the city of the Ancestors but they were far more superior in housing and machinery than the Athosians.

She looked over at John who was laughing at something Finn had said and knew she was happy, though. She was with John and she loved him and she knew he cared deeply for her as well. They were having a child very soon and this child would most likely be raised without the knowledge of the Wraith. For some reason, maybe the subterfuge by the gate, the Wraith had not visited this place in many generations. And that thought gave her relief. Would she have been a different person today if she had not had the Wraith to worry about her whole life?

Teyla sensed movement around her and saw Finn and Shuntar rising to take their wives on to the dance floor. John looked at her then at Timnis who was still sitting with them. Timnis rolled his eyes and commanded, "Go, take her dancing. If you go, maybe I can put the moves on those women without them staring at _you_ all night long."

Timnis tilted his head in the direction of a few single ladies who were sitting nearby. They kept glancing over at the table and Teyla knew they had been checking out both of the men. As she was sitting in between them they may not have realized who she was with. And they were not familiar to her. She knew Tolden had relatives who lived in the mountain towns and some of them had decided to take the trek for the nuptials. Perhaps they were some of them.

John rose and held out his hand for Teyla and she saw two of the women frown. Apparently they were hoping that she was with Timnis and that John was the single man. But one seemed very pleased with Timnis being the leftover and even went so far as to give him a shy smile. John caught this interaction too and gave his friend a nudge before they walked off.

"Go for it, Buddy," he encouraged. "She's very cute."

Timnis actually looked a bit shy himself and Teyla thought it was sweet. Usually the man shoveled out taunts and teasing in large amounts but now he was almost unsure. Teyla gave him a supportive smile and moved away with John. And apparently Timnis got his courage up because within the first dance, he had gone over and started a conversation with the ladies and by the third he was dancing cheek to cheek with the one who had smiled at him.

John chuckled when he saw this. "I might need to give him a little talk about what happens when they get too close like that. You don't mind if I use you as an exhibit, do you?" And he patted her tummy.

"You may tell him if they get too close now they will end up being unable to get close much later," and Teyla indicated that she and John were further apart than the other couples on the floor due to the roundness of their child.

"That's true for now," John agreed. "But I think we've managed to still get fairly close at times. You just need to get creative. And you know how I love to get creative."

Teyla did know. Over the past few months, since they had become willingly intimate, they had discovered many ways to enjoy each other without either feeling awkward or uncomfortable. And over time, they had even managed to free themselves from some of their hang-ups and fears. Unfortunately all was not forgotten and she knew John was still haunted by dreams as was she. But the presence of the other beside them in bed was so immediately soothing that the after effects of these nightmares did not linger.

After several more dances, Teyla indicated to John that she was hungry. She was also a bit weary but she knew she would not tell him that. He still worried so about her and as much as she appreciated his concern, she was not the type to want that kind of attention. But getting food would mean she could sit to eat it and that would get her off her gradually swelling feet.

The other two couples at their table had also returned and had filled plates for themselves. It was no surprise that Zeth was with Sarana and Kelina was with a whole group of girls who were huddled in a corner giggling, their eyes roaming throughout the room. But Timnis was still with his blond haired beauty who had smiled at him earlier.

"Timnis has made a new friend, I see," Finn commented and his wife just gave him a tiny tap on his arm.

"Leave him alone, Finn," she scolded. "Perhaps he has grown in his social skills and will not scare this one away. She is from the mountain region; hopefully she is good strong stock and will be able to handle his ribald sense of humor."

John grinned. "We can hope, huh? Then maybe he won't be such a party pooper when we're all together and he's by himself."

"They seem to be speaking cordially to each other," Bessa observed as she gazed at the dancing couple. "That is always a good start for any relationship."

"But our relationship started when I tried to kiss you, remember?" Shuntar reminded her in a joking manner.

Bessa laughed outright. "You were only ten winters at the time, my dear. And I'm not sure I really liked you at that time, seeing as I was only eight."

"So you two have known each other a long time?" John remarked.

"Yes," Bessa responded. "This town and the next are very small so there is not a huge choice for mates. But knowing your partner since childhood also makes for longer relationships as they start with friendship."

Bessa looked curious. "Did you and Teyla not know each other from a young age?"

Teyla spoke first. "John and I are from different worlds. His people did not come to this galaxy until approximately four winters ago. His people were in need of assistance and they found us on their first day here."

"If you are from a different galaxy, then how did you travel to this one?" Shuntar looked perplexed. Not many people in this galaxy had the capacity for space travel. And even though John's people did, it wasn't how they had gotten here.

"We came through the Stargate, the Ring of the Ancestors," John informed him. "We found evidence on my world of the city of Atlantis and came to explore. We were fortunate that the Stargate we had on Earth, my planet, had the capability to travel this far. But it only worked for Atlantis."

"Atlantis?" Shuntar questioned loudly. "The city of the ancestors? How is it that your people had the ability to come here?"

Teyla looked at John and saw him nod for her to answer. He hated to sound like he was bragging. "The Ancestors settled on John's world some years back when they left this galaxy and as they hoped to someday return, they crafted their ring to ensure they could. John's people merely used that knowledge and information to find the city and come here."

"But I have heard stories tell that the city of the Ancestors could only be utilized by the Ancestors themselves. How is it your people can live there?" Shuntar asked.

"We found that's it's a specific gene that enables the city's operations and luckily some of our people have that gene," John answered.

"How is that possible?" Bessa inquired.

"The Ancestors resided on John's planet for many years and so a very small population has inherited this gene that John speaks of. They are able to activate the city's systems."

"So some of your people are descendents of the Ancestors themselves? Oh, Fenid would have loved to meet these individuals. He has a fascination with anything to do with the Ancestors and managed to collect quite a bit of technology from them before the gate was closed to us."

John had met Fenid. He was a nice, old man who lived on the other edge of town and spent much time fishing and tinkering with gadgets. He wondered if any of the Ancient tech he had was useful.

"I'd love to look at what he has," John said. "Maybe some of it still works."

This time Tenyse and Finn actually looked surprised too. John and Teyla had told them they'd come from Atlantis but they'd never shared with anyone about the ATA gene and the fact that John was strong with it. John almost felt guilty but the information had never been relevant before.

"And you can work this equipment, John?" Finn asked. "You are a descendant of the Ancestors?"

John just shrugged and nodded his head. Teyla went one step further. "He is very strong with the gene; the strongest for his people. I know they have probably been dismayed at his not being there. He has an uncanny ability to control the technology of the Ancestors."

John always hated talking about himself so he took Teyla's plate and offered to get her seconds. She started to object then knew she should just let him. He needed to get away from the conversation as it was making him uncomfortable. She still marveled at how different he was from Rodney and his very large ego.

She saw the curious faces of the others and explained, "John does not enjoy being the center of attention. It makes him uneasy."

Finn laughed. "Yes, that has been very clear to all of us over the time you have arrived here. But if he does not wish to discuss this, then we will not."

"Thank you." Teyla smiled at the group and watched as John returned with more food. She looked at what he had put on her plate, all her favorites and far too many sweets, but she found she was still hungry. She knew once the baby was born she would need to refrain from consuming so much food. She was large enough already, she did not need to continue growing.

The party lasted for another few hours and finally John and Teyla gave a last congratulations to Shalise and Tolden then walked with Tenyse's family back home. After dropping them at their house they continued on the last half mile. John draped his arm around Teyla's shoulder as the air was beginning to be even chillier. As soon as they entered the cottage, John got the fire going again.

Teyla dropped onto the settee and removed her shoes then reclined to elevate her feet. John gazed at her and hoped the events today hadn't been too much for her. She had less than a month before this baby was born and he didn't want her exhausted even before she went into labor. He knew she was strong and could endure just about anything but he really didn't want her to have to.

The fire roared to life after a while, removing the chill from the air and John made sure it was safe for them to retire for the night. He smiled down at Teyla who seemed to be asleep. It hadn't taken her long and he knew she must be worn-out from being out all day not to mention the walk to and from town was quite long for someone in her condition.

He scooped some of the larger logs and the coals into his big metal bucket and moved them to the smaller fireplace they had built in the walls between the two new rooms. He got that fire going and added another log then gently lifted Teyla from the settee. She had definitely put on some pounds but luckily she had been so light before, it still was manageable and he transferred her to the bed in their new room.

He thought about the fact that they had actually gotten married today. Everyone had made a huge deal of Shalise and Tolden, and that was as it should be. But John started thinking about the fact that this was his _wedding night_. And here was his new wife already asleep. But he knew there was no way he could even think about waking her. But he could make her more comfortable.

He stripped her dress off her with only tiny movements from her then contemplated putting a nightgown on. But he just sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes instead. He thought she was the most stunning woman he'd ever laid eyes on. His hands lifted to softly caress her rounded curves from her shoulders to her hips. Again only slight purrs erupted from her throat but she remained asleep.

John finally pulled the sheets and blankets down under her and lifted them to cover her. He hadn't put her nightgown back on. She was in bed in just her panties. He quickly shed his own clothes and snuggled up next to her, enjoying her warmth and tantalizing scent. He knew she was too tired to participate in any activities right now but John kind of hoped that maybe she would rest for a while and then wake to find him enfolding her.

This had happened a fair number of times and John had never complained when she needed him physically in the middle of the night. He felt like he needed her physically all the time. And according to Finn, after the birth of the baby, it could be quite a while before she was able to enjoy or even want that closeness again. He remembered his brother complaining about that after each of his kids was born.

So right now John just took what he could, knowing he would most likely need to be very patient after the baby came. But he and Teyla had spent the first few months here without having sex and it had been amazing just holding her. He knew he would do it again if it was what Teyla needed. And now he'd have the baby to hold as well.

He gazed down at her peaceful face in the glow of the flickering flames and felt such an immense tug on his heart. He didn't know how she did it but she had gotten in there so deep he knew no matter the time or distance, she would always remain right there as long as he took breath. That thought gave him such peace and he closed his eyes knowing his dreams would be sweet tonight.

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	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15

Chapter 15

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Ronon watched as the seven soldiers lifted their rifles and fired shots into the air. They did this two more times and he tried to remember the significance of this. He knew Carter had told him but he hadn't really been all that interested in the traditions of this world in burying their fallen soldiers, mostly because they really weren't burying Sheppard. It was just an empty casket.

He tried to believe that it meant Sheppard was still alive somewhere but he kept thinking back to the planet they had found where he and Teyla had been. The slaves they had freed seemed pretty certain his two teammates had died. He didn't want to believe it but he also knew he shouldn't delude himself. It had been over eight months and there was no other sign of the two of them. If they had managed to escape, he knew Sheppard would have found some way to get word back to Atlantis.

He looked around again thinking it was a really nice ceremony. The casket had been led here by a half dozen animals they called horses although only half of them had riders. And there had been another one walking behind the casket that was also riderless. Carter had told him that signified the fallen soldier.

The cemetery where they were placing the empty casket was huge and covered in white headstones. He knew it was mostly for soldiers and that they should all be proud that John had earned a place here. It was kind of pretty and peaceful but since Sheppard wasn't actually resting here, he knew it didn't really matter.

He and several others had been allowed to come back to Earth for the Military Funeral the Air Force had arranged even though they'd had a memorial service on Atlantis. But some of them were much closer to Sheppard than others and Carter had felt it only right. She had come back herself and was standing next to General O'Neill as the Chaplain concluded the service.

Close to O'Neill and right in front of the casket was an older man who Ronon decided must be Sheppard's father. Next to him was a younger man with a woman and two small children. Sheppard had a brother, was this him? He had never mentioned any family except an ex-wife but Sam had said he had a brother too. Sheppard wasn't one to give away too much information about himself.

Watching Sheppard's father, Ronon could tell the man was grieving. And he could tell by how he grieved that the guy was related to Sheppard. He could see the man holding himself in check with his face tense and his jaw stiff. But his eyes held grief, obvious grief. It was exactly how Sheppard dealt with pain. He'd seen it too recently when Beckett had been killed. He wondered why Sheppard had never mentioned his father or the rest of his family. But he supposed it didn't really matter now.

McKay was next to him and occasionally he heard what he thought was sniffling but he didn't want to turn and look at the scientist in case it was. McKay couldn't always hide his emotions as well as the soldiers but Ronon didn't respect him any less because of it. And he knew McKay had cared for Sheppard more than most. He had every reason to grieve.

Ronon knew he was grieving too but he had his own way of doing it. And he was a bit more like Sheppard in keeping those emotions inside. But he knew there would come a time when he would let it out. But it would be when he was by himself and during some extreme physical outlet. That was just his way. But it wouldn't be here.

A roaring noise jarred him away from his thoughts and he looked up to see four of what Sam called fighter jets flying over head. She had told him this was because John had been a pilot. He looked up at the inverted V and, just like Carter had said, there seemed to be one missing from the formation. He knew that was to show that Sheppard was down here being buried.

He looked again at the jets as they left the area and knew Sheppard must have loved flying those things. They were definitely fast and Sheppard loved things that went fast. They banked off to the left and did a few fancy turns and again Ronon could see why John loved to fly. It looked like flying those things would have been a blast. But it wasn't something his friend would ever be doing again. He clenched his jaw and looked around. Major Lorne seemed to have his jaw clenched equally as hard and Ronon knew that Lorne had thought the world of Sheppard and had respected him immensely. It wouldn't be easy following a new leader now that Sheppard was gone.

The SGC hadn't made a final decision yet on whether Barrows would be staying. Ronon didn't seem to think so and Carter had hinted as much. There wasn't really anything wrong with the man but he definitely lacked experience in alien warfare and even Carter figured he wasn't the right fit. But she also knew there weren't too many people who could fill the shoes that John Sheppard had left. He had been one of a kind.

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Patrick Sheppard startled as the jets flew over head and his mind flew back in time to one of the first air shows John had participated in. He'd only been out of flight school for a short time and he had almost begged Patrick to come watch. Patrick knew John had wanted him to see what he had learned and what he could do and Patrick had to admit he had been fairly impressed with the tricky maneuvers the squadron had performed. He thought on more than one occasion that they were going to fly into each other. But they had been perfectly precise and had executed every move just as they should have.

He was surprised that John had the talent to be on this squadron but then he knew John was extremely intelligent and quite capable physically of doing anything he put his mind to. Guilt washed over him as he remembered his reaction when John had sought him out after the performance.

Patrick had given him a tight smile and said, "Yes, that certainly looked fun. Let's hope you get it out of your system soon and then you can fulfill your real purpose in life."

John's crestfallen face still lingered in his memory and he sucked in a deep breath to try and alleviate the pain that shot through his chest. He hadn't meant to put his son down or trivialize what he had accomplished. He still wondered why he had done it. But he knew it was because he had wanted John to get over his infatuation with the military life and come back home and use his gift with numbers for the good of the company.

 _What a fool I was! He's my son and I should have praised him and told him I was so proud of what he had achieved. Maybe if I had given him the encouragement and support that he deserved, he would have visited more often and I wouldn't be standing here right now knowing that it's been over five years since I've actually seen him._ Patrick was disgusted that many of the people here had seen his son more recently than he had. And probably many of them knew John much better than he ever had.

He looked over to where many of the military personnel were standing and saw the two familiar men near Colonel Carter and General O'Neill. He didn't know their names but he remembered their faces from the picture of John's team that Colonel Carter had sent. These two knew John better than anyone, he was betting. He would make it a point to speak with them before he left today.

The bugler that was standing behind them on the hill began to play Taps and Patrick didn't know if he could get through this part. There was something about this tune that was just so mournful and final. Maybe he'd just seen too many war movies and was letting it make him sappy. But he guessed maybe it was okay if he was a bit sappy. They were burying his son today.

Or maybe if they were actually burying a body he might be able to have some closure. But John's body hadn't been located so he would never really have that closure. There would always be doubts niggling in the back of his mind about where John had been and how exactly he had been killed. They'd never actually said and he didn't know if they actually knew. And if they did know, would they even tell him the truth?

The honor guard who had walked beside the casket here and gotten it ready were now removing the flag and doing some sort of complicated folding ritual. Every movement was exact and precise and by the time they were done, the flag was folded into this small triangle with mostly just the stars on the field of blue showing. The head of this unit walked stiffly over to him and held out the flag.

"On behalf of the President of the United States, the department of the Air Force and a grateful nation, we offer this flag for the faithful and dedicated service of Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. God bless you and this family and God bless the United States of America."

Patrick reached out his hand and was surprised to find that it was a bit shaky. He accepted the flag and nodded at the soldier. "Thank you."

The man turned precisely and made some motion and the honor guard retreated. They were all escorted away from the burial site and as they walked away they saw one lone soldier standing near the casket. It was his job to watch over the body until it was interred. But Patrick knew it didn't really matter as his son wasn't really in there. It was all just ceremonial. And John was never one for ceremony anyway.

A uniformed man approached him and he could see from the stars on his shoulders that he was a general but it wasn't O'Neill. Patrick looked at him curiously and the man held out his hand.

"Mr. Sheppard, I'm General Hank Landry. Your son was under my chain of command and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about what happened. John was a good man, a royal pain in the ass at times but he knew what he was doing and he did it well. He could get his men working harder than any CO I've ever encountered and I know they did it because he was always willing to put himself on the line for any of them and they knew it. I've been having one hell of a time trying to replace him. I have a lot of good men who I think would do great but the reality is they don't have what John had. He had intuition and intelligence and he could think outside the box and where he was stationed that was pretty much a requirement. He had charm and charisma and his men were fiercely loyal to him so anyone else I send is going to have one hell of a hard time getting the troops to do things in a non-Sheppard way. I just thought you should know that your son was very well thought of. Again, you have my condolences."

Patrick shook his hand. "Thank you, General Landry. I appreciate your letting me know." Landry just nodded and moved away. Patrick needed to take in a deep breath before he could start walking again. Why hadn't he seen how wonderful John was? He was his son, for God's sake! He should have known. He should have looked for it.

They got closer to the cars and Patrick felt Scotty's hand close around his and heard him whisper, "It's okay, Grandpa. You've still got us here to take care of you."

He squeezed the boy's hand and held it tight as they walked. Many of the people were still standing around and Patrick knew now was the time to talk to John's friends as they might not be sticking around for long. He wasn't sure where they had come from and if they were going back. If this had been a typical passing of someone they would have had a big wake followed by the funeral but nothing about this situation was typical. He'd managed to let a few of his other relatives know what the situation was but hadn't expected anyone else to come all this way for the service.

Patrick moved purposefully up to John's two team mates and cleared his throat. When they turned toward him he introduced himself.

"Gentlemen, I'm Patrick Sheppard. I understand you were part of John's team where he was stationed."

The smaller, rounder man quickly nodded his head and stuck out his hand. "Yes, hello. I'm uh, … Dr. Rodney McKay. And this here is Ronon Dex."

Patrick took the man's hand then moved his to the larger man also and shook his. The dreadlocked man just grunted a low, "I'm sorry about John."

"Thank you," Patrick responded and as David and Amy appeared by his elbow he introduced them too. "This is my oldest son, David and his wife Amy. These are his children, Scott and Kristine."

David shook hands with the two men and Patrick jumped right in to the topic he wanted to explore. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just chatting for a few minutes. I hadn't seen John in years and I guess I was hoping you could fill me in on what I missed."

"Uh, you know we can't really tell you about anything he was working on, right?" Dr. McKay explained.

Patrick sadly shook his head. "I know but I was hoping you could just tell me what kind of a man he was. I never really knew him as a military leader and wondered what other people thought of him. Was he good at his job? Did his troops respect him?" He knew what General Landry had just said but he wanted the opinion of people who were John's teammates and friends.

"They respected him more than you could have imagined," a dark haired, Air Force officer interrupted. Patrick looked to the right and the man seemed apologetic. "I'm Major Evan Lorne and I was your son's Executive Officer and I don't mean to butt into this conversation but I thought you should know that I've never had a Commanding Officer that I respected as much as I did Colonel Sheppard. And I know most of the men felt the same way as I did."

"Thank you, Major," Patrick offered. "That means a lot to me. So he was good at his job?"

Major Lorne tried to hide a grin but didn't quite succeed. "Colonel Sheppard was  _amazing_  at what he did but he wasn't exactly orthodox in his methods. There were more than a few military big wigs who questioned much of what he did but I'll tell you he was successful pretty much all of the time. They learned that sometimes unorthodox was the only way to go in many of our situations."

"That's because Sheppard actually used his brain to figure out the best possible scenarios and fixes for everything instead of using sheer force," McKay piped in. "And he was always willing to admit that science could play a big role in most solutions. And he was smart enough to  _understand_  that science as well."

"I take it you're a doctor of  _science,_  then, Dr. McKay," David Sheppard asked.

McKay's eyes got confused. "What other kind of doctor is there?"

David was about to answer him when the big man, Ronon Dex, shook his head warning him that he didn't really want to go in that direction. Ronon then added to the conversation, giving Patrick more of the information he was seeking.

"Your son was one of the noblest, bravest men I knew. And he was extremely loyal once you proved you were worth that loyalty. He'd do anything for his friends and his troops and sometimes he'd even sacrifice  _too much_  just because it was the right thing to do."

The three men looked at each other knowingly and Patrick knew John had done something that fit in that category and his guess was that it had maybe cost John dearly. He wondered if it was what had cost him his life or if it had been another incident that John had sacrificed himself for. And who had it been for? Teyla, maybe?

"I was wondering about this woman, Teyla, who was with him when he went missing? Was there something going on between John and her?"

"Sheppard and Teyla?" McKay squawked puzzled. "Nah, they were just teammates."

Dex and Lorne both had different reactions from the one Dr. McKay had given. They had looked sad and given slight nods. When McKay saw them do this, he appeared even more perplexed.

"Wait, are you saying that Sheppard and Teyla were having a thing together?"

"No, they weren't," Dex denied. "But they definitely had feelings for each other. I don't know how you miss things like that, McKay." Dex shook his head and rolled his eyes.

McKay then gazed over at Lorne for confirmation. Lorne nodded again. "The way those two protected each other beyond all costs, it was pretty obvious. There were a few times I thought Colonel Sheppard was out of his mind but he didn't seem to care when the alternative was losing Teyla."

McKay started nodding like he finally got it. He snapped his fingers and said, "Like when Jamus had taken Teyla, and Sheppard went and flew that old piece of crap …" his voice trailed off and Patrick saw that he just realized it was something he shouldn't be mentioning in public. But obviously John had put his life on the line to save this woman.

"And did she return his feelings?" Patrick said hopeful.

"I'm pretty sure she did," Dex confirmed. "Although I don't think they actually ever told each other." His eyes looked off into the distance. "Maybe they got a chance to before they …" he seemed to realize what he was about to say and cut himself off.

"But they were with each other and hopefully that helped," Lorne added. "Colonel Sheppard would have done anything to keep Teyla safe and I know she would have done the same. They cared about each other a lot."

"Yeah," Ronon agreed. "They were both just too stubborn to admit it."

"And was she worthy of John?" Patrick asked even though he knew it sounded rather pompous.

All three men nodded quite enthusiastically but McKay was the one who answered, and his eyes filled with moisture when he did. "Yeah, Teyla was the best. You couldn't have asked for better than her."

Patrick thought about John dying right alongside the woman he loved and knew it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. When his wife had died, he had wanted to go right along with her. Some days the agony was so great he had seriously considered just doing something so he could join her. But he'd had two young boys to raise and he had promised her that he would make sure they were fine.

He had also promised to give them all the love he could. And he had loved them both but now when he thought back he realized maybe John hadn't known how much he had been loved. Patrick had maybe been a bit too harsh with him in insisting he join the family business. The fights had grown progressively worse and the last one had been horrible. And Patrick knew he was to blame for most of that.

He'd been unyielding with John in expecting him to leave his military life and come back home. When John had refused and tried to tell him why, Patrick had simply refused to listen. All he'd been able to hear was his son's stubbornness and inability to even try to please him. But since when was it John's job to live to please his father? It shouldn't have been and Patrick wished he'd had more time to truly understand this and let John know that what he'd said during their last time together was just hurt and resentment and he hadn't meant any of it.

Patrick looked down at the little boy who still clung tightly to his hand. Scotty was such a good boy and he loved seeing him grow. And the child knew his grandfather was upset even though he didn't really remember his Uncle John. David had shown him a few pictures when John had visited but Scotty had been too young to remember. All he had were the pictures of himself when he was about two and his Uncle playing cars with him. Now he was scared and confused because all the adults seemed really sad too. Patrick picked him up and gave him a reassuring hug. He then kissed his cheek and whispered to him, "Your grandfather loves you, make sure you remember that, okay?"

"I love you, too, Grandpa," Scotty whispered back, not sure why he couldn't say it out loud. Patrick usually whispered these things to both Scotty and Kristy, feeling too uncomfortable to say them for anyone else to hear. He wished he had done more of that with his boys when he was younger.

He stuck his hand out and shook hands again with Dex, McKay and then Lorne, thanking them for the information. "If you ever need anything, I have lots of contacts in many areas, please just let me know. I'd like to be able to help friends of John's if I can."

Patrick turned away as David was shaking their hands and saying goodbye and he noticed that Nancy, John's ex-wife was leaning against a tree not too far from where they were. He walked to where she was and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Nancy, it was very sweet of you to come. You certainly didn't have to. You and John haven't been married in quite some time."

"That doesn't mean that I didn't still care for him," Nancy replied. "And I'm right here in town so I didn't really need to travel far. I'm very sorry about John, Patrick. If you need anything, let me know."

Patrick smiled sadly. "I need my son to come back to me. I'm not sure that's something you can really provide. Take care, my dear."

Nancy watched as her former father-in-law walked away, his family trailing behind him. David gave her a quick nod and smile then scooped the little girl onto his hip and followed them. She knew John hadn't had the greatest relationship with his Dad and brother but she also knew that they did actually care for him. But John was just too different from who his father wanted him to be. But it was who she had wanted him to be also, eventually.

She had loved the carefree, dangerous life of an Air Force fighter pilot and thought it would be so exciting to be married to one. But she didn't realize that the life of  _the wife_  of a fighter pilot was a very lonely one. She had found out the truth far too quickly in their marriage. And it had  _ended_  their marriage as well. She had then understood John's father wanting him to join the family business and had actually sided with him on occasion and that had just driven a wedge further between her and John. It had almost been a betrayal in his eyes.

She thought back to the conversation she had overheard between Patrick and the three men who had obviously worked with John. She hadn't known what John had been doing before he'd disappeared but apparently he'd been with some woman. They had called her Teyla. And Patrick for some reason had wondered if John and Teyla had been in a relationship. The scientist had been surprised but had also said they had been on the same team.

So whoever she was, this woman certainly wouldn't have had the problems  _she'd_  had with John. This woman would be aware of what John was doing at all times, heck she must have been going along on the missions if she was on the team. And then they could actually have had conversations about their work unlike when John would come home and refuse to even tell her how he was or if he had gotten injured.  _That_  she would have to discover when he removed his shirt or pants. And then he would always brush it off like it had been something minor.

Nancy felt a little burst of jealousy for this woman, Teyla. Maybe she and John hadn't been in an official relationship, but the way they were talking, she obviously had stolen his heart. And she was so important to him that he had risked his life to save her on what sounded like more than one occasion. And they had been together when John had died. Come to think of it, they had spoken of Teyla like she was gone too.

Nancy felt tears well up again at the thought of John and his Teyla dying in each other's arms declaring their love for each other. Not that she wanted to die but there was just something so blatantly poetic and romantic about that. She and John had enjoyed great sex and lots of parties but there hadn't been a whole lot romantic or poetic in their relationship. They had both been so young and had been more interested in being in bed together.

But apparently that hadn't been the attraction with Teyla. They hadn't even been in a physical relationship and John had fallen for her. Maybe there was something about being friends with a person before you became intimate. Apparently it worked for Teyla. Except now it seemed it didn't matter because both she and John were gone.

That thought brought her back to why she was really here; to say goodbye to a man who she had cared very much about. She looked up the small hill to where they had held the ceremony.  _Good bye John. I hope you're happy with your Teyla now._  She made her way to the cars and noticed David Sheppard just getting into the limousine with his daughter in his arms. She had liked David and he had been kind to her and she was happy to see he had found someone and gotten married. She hadn't met the woman as she and John had been divorced before they had gotten together. They'd obviously lasted longer than she and John had.

But now she had Grant and he was just what she wanted and needed in life. He was safe and handsome and he actually talked to her about his job. Yes, this was a much better life than she'd had with John. She just needed to keep telling herself that.

.

David Sheppard shut the limousine door behind him and settled back in the seat for the ride back to the hotel. He checked on his Dad and saw that Scotty had his attention. That was good, he needed to keep his mind off of all that had gone on. David had actually let Scotty know that his grandfather would be very sad today and that he should watch out for him. He had asked the boy to make sure he talked to him and helped him get through this. Scotty was only five but he was a bright kid and took his responsibilities seriously, especially when it came to his grandfather.

He looked at where Amy was sitting next to him with Kristy now in her lap. Kristy really had no idea what was going on but she was only three and he certainly didn't expect her to. Amy had been great throughout all this. But then he knew she would be. She had always been supportive of him in every situation and he didn't know what he had done to deserve her. She always just said that he had loved her and that it was enough for her. He hoped so. Because he knew if she hadn't been around the last six months since they'd found out about John being missing then declared KIA, he would have gone off the deep end.

He gave thanks every day that he had found someone like Amy. He looked out the window of the limo as they drove out of the cemetery and thought of his brother. He wondered if this Teyla had had a similar service with her people. David knew she wasn't from this country and so they wouldn't have had the service here but he had almost wanted to go. Just to say goodbye and thanks to the woman who had apparently been beside John during his last days. He hoped it hadn't been too painful and that they had gone at the same time. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like for either one of them to see the person they loved gunned down or blown up or however they had met their end.

 _God! Why am I even thinking of these things? I know these kinds of thoughts will give me nightmares and make me go crazy._  But for some reason he couldn't get them out of his mind. He just wanted this nightmare to end and for him to wake up and know that it had all been a bad dream. Then he would make sure he talked to John and gave him the support that he should have gotten all along from him.

He looked at his children and was thankful for them as well. They were the most amazing thing in his life and he couldn't imagine his world without them. He cherished every minute he had with them especially now when he thought of how short life could be. Yes, John had died while serving his country and keeping everyone safe but just because  _he_ worked in an office didn't mean he couldn't be struck down tomorrow. He wanted to make sure every second he had with his kids was precious.

He guessed it was probably a good thing that John didn't have any kids. At least he wouldn't be leaving them alone without a father. But then he also felt bad that John had died without ever knowing what it was like to father a child. Seeing his children born and holding them in his arms for the first time had been a life altering experience. And it was one John had never experienced and now it was one that he never would.

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	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16

Chapter 16

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"Thank you for allowing me to borrow this heavier cape," Teyla said to Tenyse as she held the dark colored wool garment in her hands. "The days have begun to be much cooler as have the nights and my large figure has not wanted to fit into the coat I have and my other cape is not warm enough."

"You are most welcome, Teyla," her friend replied. "I am surprised that Finn did not dispose of these bigger clothes while I was gone. He says he always held out hope that I would someday return and I might need them. However I do not plan on having any more children so will not need something so wide in the belly. Will you stay for a cup of tea? You had a long walk from town and perhaps you could use the rest before you travel the last distance to your place."

Teyla rubbed her lower back and hated to admit that she was exhausted. She had spent the morning in the clinic and Shalise had sent her home shortly after noon giving the excuse that there wasn't enough for both of them to do. Teyla knew it was because Shalise wanted her to rest and she knew Teyla did not like to admit to any kind of weakness.

But her back had been throbbing and aching for a few days now and she knew a rest would be lovely. As would a cup of tea before she walked the rest of the way home.

"I would love a cup," Teyla responded and moved to the kitchen area of the house. As she moved though, she felt a sudden trickle of liquid on her leg then sucked in a huge breath as a gush followed the trickle. She looked down to find a puddle under feet.

She looked up apologetically and more than a little nervous. "I fear I have a little problem."

Tenyse actually chuckled as she saw what Teyla was referring to. "You will be having a _little_ something very soon, that is for sure."

She grabbed a towel and helped Teyla dry herself then called out the back door for Kelina who was gossiping with her friend Miriella in the back yard. When the girls came in she ordered them, "Go and inform Shalise that Teyla's baby will be arriving soon. Her water has broken."

As the girls' faces lit up with excitement, Tenyse asked if Teyla wished to sit down.

Teyla shook her head quickly. "No, I must get back to the cottage. I wish to have this child in my own home and I have all that I need for him there."

"I understand and I will help you get home. But we may need to take it slow. Labor will most likely begin soon. And the walk back to your house may help it to progress faster. Where is John? I will have the girls go fetch him as well."

"He was going to the home of Fenid. He wished to see some of the Ancestor technology the man has collected."

Tenyse looked at her daughter who had gotten a put out look on her face. "Mother," she whined, "Fenid lives all the way on the outskirts of town on the _other_ side of town."

Tenyse narrowed her eyes. "Do you wish for John to miss the birth of his child? If you can locate your brother you may send him to fetch John but somehow the man must be told. Do you understand?"

"Yes, we'll make sure he knows." The girls grabbed coats and ran out the door.

"Do you need a minute before you attempt to walk home?"

Teyla shook her head and sucked in another breath as a small cramp hit on her belly near the juncture of her thighs. Her eyes opened wide and Tenyse gave her an assuring smile.

"Come," Tenyse directed as she placed the cape on Teyla's shoulders and guided her out the door. "We should begin our journey unless you wish to have this child on the road between our houses."

Teyla took another deep breath and allowed herself to be moved down the stairs to the street. She shook her head and said, "That is probably not the best location to deliver a child. But I do not think I will be moving very fast."

Tenyse smiled again thinking of the great adventure that lay ahead for her friend.

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John continued to pick up the small artifacts that Fenid had collected in years past and thought of what he actually had here. It was some pretty great stuff, unfortunately none of it was going to be very useful in getting Teyla and him back to Atlantis. He'd found an LSD and a few other scanning devices but not much else that he knew the purpose of.

He picked up another shoebox sized piece of metal and closed his eyes. He could feel the power source humming inside but he was reluctant to turn it on unless he knew what it did.

"Sorry, Fenid, I'm not sure what this one is. It's got a full power supply but turning it on without knowing what it does could be very dangerous. Not everything the Ancients made were for the good of mankind. Let me see if I can somehow get a feel for how it works and the purpose."

"Take your time, John," Fenid answered. "I still cannot believe that a descendent of the Ancestors is sitting right here in my home."

John smiled at the old man and then closed his eyes as he placed his hands firmly on the sides of the box. He could see the insides and the workings of the machine in his mind and he tried to move through the data and garner any information he could. He was starting to get some images and illustrations, an instructor manual maybe, when he heard intense pounding on the front door.

His concentration was broken and Fenid scowled as he went to open the door. John saw that it was Zeth and Sarana and they seemed frantic as they called his name.

He placed the box carefully back on the table and stood up. "What's the matter? Did something happen to Teyla?"

"She is fine," Sarana reassured him. "But her water has broken and the baby will arrive soon."

Zeth piped in once he could catch his breath from running all the way. "We were sent to fetch you."

John looked apologetically at Fenid and said, "Sorry, guess I'll have to look at those things another time."

Fenid waved off his apology and shouted, "Good luck!" as John took off down the road at a run. He'd already had a pretty long run this morning figuring once the baby got here he might not be able to go as much. Now his muscles protested a bit at the second pounding of the day.

He sprinted as fast as he could and he noticed that Zeth and Sarana had lagged behind. Damn, of all places for him to be, he was as far away as he could be while still being in town. Their cottage was also on the edge of town but they were on the end closest to the Stargate. His feet continued to beat against the dirt and he soon passed the center of town. Several people gave him knowing smiles and waves and a few actually yelled out, "Good luck, congratulations," and he guessed that they knew his purpose. It was a small town; not much went on that all didn't eventually hear about.

He finally approached the cottage and slowed down to catch his breath, he'd been running much faster than he usually did on his morning jaunts. He pushed himself up the front steps and gently opened the door. There was no one in the large room but he heard sounds from the bedroom and he crept closer, hoping he hadn't actually missed anything.

Tenyse and Shalise moved about the room and then he caught sight of Teyla, reclined on the bed with a pile of pillows behind her head. She was in a nightgown and sitting on the special blanket they'd gotten that supposedly kept any fluids from leaking onto the sheets below. He saw that Tenyse had removed the homemade quilt the villagers had given them and tucked it in a corner across the room.

"Hey," he greeted and Teyla looked up at him, relief in her eyes. He moved to sit next to her on the bed and gazed at her beautiful face.

"The baby is coming, John."

John couldn't tear his eyes away from her face and he found himself unable to speak. He just nodded his head and gave her a charming smile. Shalise came over and patted him on the shoulder.

"The child will not be here momentarily. It could take a while. So I suggest that you go and clean away all the dirt and grime you have managed to collect on your mad dash back here and then come to help deliver your child."

John knew she was right. It wouldn't be very sanitary of him to be hanging out in the bedroom covered with all the dust of the road when his baby came into this world. He leaned down and gave Teyla a gentle kiss then leaned his head against hers.

"I'm just gonna take a quick shower then I'll be right back. I promise."

Teyla nodded and was about to reply when her eyes closed tight and her breath hitched. She reached for John's hand and squeezed it tight and he could tell she was having a contraction. She took short breaths for a few moments until it passed then nodded again.

"I will be fine, John. But do not take too long. I do not like to admit weakness but I am a bit nervous and would like for you to be here with me."

John gave her a crooked smile and said, "I'm a little nervous too. I promise I'll make it a quick shower. Since you won't be sharing it, there's no reason for me to linger."

Teyla's face flushed and her eyes darted to her two friends who were chuckling at John's words. She swatted him away and after he left the room, she simply rolled her eyes. Not five minutes later he sheepishly slunk back into the room, wearing only a towel around his damp body and reached into a dresser for some clothes.

"Sorry," he murmured as he tried to be inconspicuous. "Forgot the clean ones."

He grabbed what he needed and slipped into the baby's room to put them on. Teyla's eyes had stayed on John's form during his short trip in and Tenyse chuckled, "You are having a child momentarily and yet you still have desire for your husband radiating from your eyes."

"Of course she does," Shalise defended her then chuckled, "It's the way she got into this situation to begin with I'm sure."

A flash of memory brought pain to her for a moment when she remembered exactly how she had gotten this way. She knew that John did indeed care for her and had during the conception of their baby but the circumstances surrounding it were still not quite gone from her mind and perhaps never would be.

Another contraction hit and pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. Teyla stiffened and her hands grabbed for the sheets under them. John entered the room at that moment and rushed to her side. He lifted her hands and squeezed as Teyla exerted pressure back. When the contraction ended, Teyla leaned back against the pillows and tried to regain normal breathing. John looked up at the other women in the room with a question in his eyes.

"So what exactly should I be doing? I know you told us a few things, Shalise, but my mind's pretty much gone blank right now."

Shalise patted John's shoulder again and told him, "You are here to support Teyla, John; Tenyse and I will do the rest. As the contractions get stronger she will need someone to encourage her and let her know she is doing a great job."

Teyla gazed anxiously up at Shalise. "What if I am _not_ doing a great job?"

John just shook his head, chuckling. "Teyla, you are the strongest woman I know. Having a baby should be a piece of cake for you. I doubt you'll even sweat."

The two women laughed at his comments but knew he'd be fine. His affection for Teyla was so obvious that she would definitely be supported by it. Tenyse continued to move in and out of the room, bringing in sheets and towels and keeping the fire going so they would be comfortable and be able to have warm, sterile water to clean the baby with when the time came.

The next few hours saw the contractions grow stronger and closer together and for much of the time Shalise and Tenyse left John and Teyla alone and puttered around in the main room of the cottage. It was fairly tidy but they put extra effort into making sure everything was free of dust and dirt, knowing that Teyla wouldn't feel much like cleaning for a while after this child came. They made sure there were sheets and clothes for the baby and even put a stew on so all would be satisfied if this child took too long in coming.

Finn and Tolden came by looking for their wives and were told to go away. Timnis was also told that John could not come out to play and to simply leave them alone to get on with delivering a baby. But they knew that people were dropping in to make sure that nothing else was needed. They would continue to do so for some time. It was the way of this town.

At one very long and loud groan from Teyla, Shalise decided to see how much longer this child might be. She shooed John away from the bed for a moment and lifted Teyla's gown.

"It will not be much longer. This child's head is ready to begin descending into the canal. Teyla, if you feel the need to push, please let me know immediately. This may or may not happen but eventually you will need to push the baby out."

John moved back to his position beside Teyla and grasped her hand again with one of his and lifted the other to push aside some stray locks that had fallen in her eyes. She had been in labor now for a few hours and he didn't know how she was doing it. The contractions were obviously painful but she was a trooper and hadn't complained once.

In between each contraction she seemed to almost fall asleep and he had simply sat there staring at her, consumed by the fact that very soon they would have a little infant of their own and they'd be parents. He still was blown away by the enormity of what was happening and also more than a little freaked out. He still didn't know how to be a Dad but Finn kept telling him that if he loved the child unconditionally then he'd be a great father and the rest would come after that.

He wondered if maybe that was the problem with his own Dad. He hadn't really loved John unconditionally. He had wanted John to be someone he wasn't and when John hadn't lived up to his standards, he couldn't hide his disappointment. John had felt it so strongly at times that it was almost a physical pain. He never wanted to do that to his child. He hoped to God that he never _would_ do that to his child.

Another contraction hit and this time Teyla's cries were louder and more intense than they had been. He whispered words of encouragement to her and held her hands as she squeezed them tightly. He wondered if he would have bruises on them tomorrow; or if they might even be broken. Teyla was an extremely strong woman and her grip on his hands was solid proof.

"You're doing great, Teyla, not much longer." John leaned down to kiss Teyla's forehead and noticed how much moisture she had on her brow. He quickly crossed the room to the bowl of water and rinsed out the face cloth he'd been using and brought it back to wipe and cool down her face.

"I guess I was wrong about the sweat, though," he teased as he wiped more from her face. She started to roll her eyes but was hit with another contraction and John couldn't believe another one was coming so soon.

John continued to speak softly to her as her breathing increased rapidly and the moans could not be contained. He knew she was trying to keep from making too much noise but at times the pain came upon her so fast that she didn't have time to prepare.

The contractions continued to hit without interruption now and Teyla's cries were constant. John felt helpless as her face contorted in agony and all he could do was hold her hand and tell her she was doing great. He wanted to do more. He wanted to take the pain away from her but he knew that wasn't possible.

Shalise and Tenyse were moving around the end of the bed and when another long, loud cry was torn from Teyla's throat, Shalise checked under her gown again.

"I believe it is just about time to push this child out. We must move you closer to the end of the bed so I can reach easier. John, please assist us. And then I will need you to sit behind Teyla and hold her in a sitting position while she pushes."

John got up and helped them slide her down closer to the end then knelt right behind her with his arms wrapped around her body. She grabbed his hands and let out another howl as her head fell back onto John's shoulder. He held her hands tight and nuzzled his nose into her neck as he breathed, "You can do it, sweetheart, I know you can. He's almost here."

"On the next contraction, Teyla, I want you to push. Then you need to hold it. Okay?" Shalise instructed.

Teyla managed a small nod and then grunted as another wave of pain struck. "Make sure you brace her, John. Teyla, push and hold it."

John felt Teyla tense and he leaned into her to provide her the support she needed to push. Her head flew back and a painful cry erupted from her mouth as her face scrunched up.

"That's great, Teyla," Shalise praised. "We'll need to do that again on the next contraction."

The words had barely left her mouth when another contraction ripped through Teyla and her hands gripped John's harder than ever. He leaned in to support her and she grimaced through pushing once more.

After a few more pushes, Shalise looked up excited and announced, "The baby's head is right here, Teyla. I can see it. A few more good pushes and you'll be done."

" _Good_ pushes?" Teyla moaned breathlessly. "Those were not _good_ pushes?"

Shalise chuckled. "Those were _great_ pushes, Teyla. They got your baby all this way. Now we just need a few more like it. Ready?"

"Come on, Teyla, you can do it," John whispered in her ear. "We're finally going to meet our son."

Tenyse looked at John amused. "Your _son_? You are so sure it is a boy? I hope you are not disappointed."

John looked up, knowing they didn't know about Teyla's gift to sense her child. He just shrugged. "Teyla says it's a boy. And that's fine with me. The next one can be a girl."

Teyla cried out with another contraction and began straining to push the child out. When she collapsed back against John she grumbled, "The next one? I believe _you_ should carry and deliver the next one."

John was about to respond when Teyla's face twisted in pain yet again. Shalise moved closer and John saw Tenyse move in with a blanket as well. He glanced down and saw the baby's head slowly appear and Shalise reach for it.

"Keep pushing, Teyla. I've got the head, the body is easy. Just a little push, okay."

John wasn't sure she had another push in her. He could tell she was wiped out and tears were trailing down her cheeks. But she nodded slightly and braced herself against John. With just a little exertion, the rest of the child slid right into Shalise's hands. John saw that he was blue and panicked thinking something was wrong.

Shalise immediately began suctioning out nose, mouth and other things and John saw the baby slowly begin turning pink and start to cry. He felt like joining in. He'd never experienced anything like this. He was gazing down at a newborn baby and this little guy had been created by Teyla and him. This child was part of them, reliant on them. He felt a vice tighten around his heart and felt it pounding harder than was probably healthy for him. But it felt good and right and he couldn't believe how much emotion was running through him just thinking about this child.

"It's a boy," Shalise announced. "Looks like you were right, Teyla. The girl next time for sure."

She wrapped the blanket around the infant and placed him in Teyla's arms. Teyla was still leaning heavily against him and John moved his hands to touch the softness of the baby's head. Teyla shifted in his arms to look at him and he saw tears running down her face but she was radiating happiness and he knew just how she felt.

He gazed into Teyla's eyes and couldn't comprehend how much she had gone through to deliver this precious package to them. She was the most amazing, incredible woman he'd ever met and she meant more to him than he could ever express. Deep emotions welled inside him and he didn't know if he could keep them down. He was usually excessively good at that but right now he didn't have the strength. This tiny bundle had just robbed him of that capacity.

But looking at Teyla's face and the scrunched up little face of his new son, he suddenly knew he didn't want to keep them down. He wanted to shout them from the rooftop.

"God, I love you, Teyla!" The words came out almost choked and when Teyla reached up to touch John's cheek, he realized he had tears running down his face, too. He knew he should be embarrassed by this but he really didn't care. He had the most incredible woman in the world, heck in two galaxies, in his arms and she had just given him a son.

He pressed a light kiss to her lips and whispered again, "I love you!"

More tears flowed down Teyla's cheeks as she nodded her head and whispered against his lips, "I love you as well, John. Thank you for being here with me."

John knew she wasn't just talking about here at this minute while she was delivering the baby. She meant here on this world, loving her and supporting her. And he knew there was no place else he'd rather be. This was where he belonged, right here with Teyla and now with their child.

Shalise cleared her throat softly and said, "I'm sorry, Teyla but I have to make sure the placenta gets delivered. Why don't you let Tenyse clean up the baby while we do this?"

Tenyse lifted the baby from Teyla's arms and she felt bereft. This child had been a part of her for nine long months and now she was not even touching him. But she felt John's arms tighten around her and her eyes followed her child across the room to where Tenyse was giving him a quick bath with the water they had kept warm. She nodded at Shalise and indicated she was ready for whatever she had to do.

"You don't have to do much, Teyla. Just a tiny push while I tug on the umbilical cord, should get everything out. Then we'll clean you up a bit and get you settled back in bed where you can enjoy your son."

They managed that part quickly and Teyla reclined against the pillows again, her arms reaching for the baby. Tenyse handed him to John who gently lifted him to his face and tenderly kissed his forehead. He then leaned down and gave the infant to Teyla. She looked up and saw that John now appeared sad, presumably because he no longer was holding the child also. Teyla patted the bed next to her and smiled at him.

John walked around to the other side and slid in next to Teyla and she noticed that he'd never even bothered to put shoes on after his shower. His feet were still bare. She wiggled _her_ bare feet and touched his and he grinned at her.

"Your feet are cold, Teyla," John commented. "Do you want some socks or a blanket?"

Tenyse had anticipated this and brought a blanket over that had been warming near the fire in the main room. She placed it over Teyla's legs and tucked it around her waist.

"Shalise and I will be in the other room if you need us. But we thought you three should have a little time to bond as a family. Just give a yell if you need anything."

John raised grateful eyes to his friend. "You've already given us so much. We appreciate it, everything."

"Yes, thank you," Teyla concurred. "Your friendship has been a blessing to us both; now all three of us."

"And you gave my life back to me when you rescued me and brought me home. That is a debt I can never repay but I will try for as long as I live."

"Tenyse," Teyla called out and lifted her hand for her friend to take. "John and I have a life here that is better than we could ever have imagined and we are able to share it with each other. Do not ever feel you need to repay us for anything. It is not necessary."

Tenyse just smiled and gave Teyla a kiss on the cheek. As she left the room, she suggested, "You may wish to see if the child is hungry. He needs to learn how to eat."

Teyla looked nervous again and John reached for the baby as Teyla started to unbutton the front of her gown. When it was open, he returned his son and Teyla held him close to her breast. She was not exactly sure how to do this and Shalise had said that often times babies will need to learn to suck as well. She moved the child's mouth near her nipple and nudged it gently into his mouth. The tiny mouth opened and he hungrily latched on and began to suck.

The feelings were intense as Teyla watched her son fill himself with her milk. She could feel it leaving her breast and it felt right and amazing and she suddenly felt more tears trail down her face.

"He is eating," she said and her voice wobbled with emotion.

John slid over closer and placed one hand on his son's back as he took his first meal. The sight of his child suckling at Teyla's breast brought more sensations floating through his stomach and fluttering around his heart. He remembered Dave telling him that having a baby was the greatest thing in the world. John had just figured that was something you were required to say when you had kids. He didn't think it would be this true.

A fierce protectiveness all of a sudden gripped him in its claws and he knew he would do anything for this child. He'd felt that way about Teyla since early on in their friendship but this child was barely a half hour old and already John would give up his life to protect him and keep him safe. He took in a deep breath and when it came out it was a bit shaky.

Teyla looked up at this and John gave her a crooked grin. "I'm nuts about this kid already. Just like I'm nuts about his Mom."

Teyla's smile was glowing and her eyes gleamed. "I am so lucky to have you, John. And now we have a son who we can give our love to as well. He is the balm that will heal us both and we will be whole and completely well again. You will see."

John nodded his agreement and leaned in to press his lips to her cheek. "I know, Teyla. Just looking at him now I can feel all the pain just floating away. And I don't think it can come back to hurt us anymore. We've got too much love here for it to actually survive."

Teyla lifted their son away from her breast and rested him on her shoulder, the one closest to John. He placed his hand on the baby's head and leaned in close. Teyla gazed at their son then looked John in the eye. "Yes, John, the love that we have is strong enough to endure any pain. And that love has burrowed deep in my heart and will remain as strong as ever, for as long as we are together."

John felt moisture gather behind his eyelids again but he did nothing to push it back. "My love for both of you is the same, Teyla. It's in there so deep; nothing will ever make it leave."

Their lips touched briefly then they both went back to gazing at the new life they had created; a tiny symbol of that deep love they had for each other.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17

Chapter 17

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"Now do not bother them to hold the infant the whole time we are there, Kelina," Tenyse warned her daughter as they moved up the steps to John and Teyla's cottage the morning after the child's birth. She and Shalise had stayed until late in the night and their husbands had come to escort them home. But they had both wanted to make sure the new parents would be okay with the baby before they left. She knew Teyla was fatigued but John had been extremely solicitous in making sure Teyla rested and in getting her whatever she needed.

Shalise had left instructions on medical matters and how to deal with typical problems that could crop up. And she encouraged John to use the bell on the porch if there was a serious problem. Even though Shalise couldn't hear it from her house closer to town, Tenyse would hear it and be able to respond and send for assistance if needed.

But the night had been quiet and she had allowed Kelina to accompany her today. But she made sure the young girl knew that she would be working, most likely washing sheets and other items that were soiled during the delivery. Teyla and John did not need to feel like they had to entertain guests. She and Kelina would be there to work and make things easier for the couple.

Tenyse quietly opened the door and peeked in the large room. There was no noise or movement at all. She noticed the fire was still burning but was dwindling in strength and so she instructed Kelina to add a few more logs. She then crept to the bedroom and peered in the doorway. The sight before her made her smile and her eyes to water.

John and Teyla lay sleeping on the bed, Teyla under the covers but John still in his clothes from yesterday on top of them. The baby lay wrapped in a blanket between them and John's arm curled around the child in a protective gesture. His face lay within touching distance of the infant. One lone tear trickled down her cheek at the beauty of what she saw.

Tenyse knew that John and Teyla had been through much since they had left their people but she also knew they truly cared about each other. This child would do much to heal the wounds that had been plaguing them for some time. She remembered John's heartfelt words of love to Teyla at the delivery of their son and felt that had been a milestone for the couple. And the tears that John had not tried to hide at the emotion he felt due to that event, had done her heart good.

She still felt guilt that these two had given up their life with their people to help her get back to hers. But as they had assured her yesterday, they had a good life here and she knew that the people of this town accepted them as they did anyone else. She also felt selfish when she hoped that John and Teyla would always stay here. They had become very important in her life and she couldn't imagine life without them now.

She felt Kelina at her elbow and looked down to see her daughter's eyes wide and her face beaming. Her eyes were glued to the little bundle lying on the bed with his father's arm around him. As they watched, the child began to squirm and John's hand subconsciously moved soothingly on the child's back. When the baby gave a tiny whine, John's eyes opened and his face moved so his lips whispered in the child's ear.

"Hey, Pal, you can't possibly be hungry again." He squinted at his watch and continued, "You just ate an hour ago."

When the baby's whine increased, John sat up and pulled the child into his arms, rubbing his back to calm him. Tenyse softly cleared her throat and John looked up to see her hold her arms out.

"Do you wish me to pacify him while you get some more rest?" Tenyse quietly asked.

John slid off the bed and walked to the door. Tenyse and Kelina moved back to the main room and John blinked a few times to try and wake himself. He kissed the child's head and felt the baby relax back into slumber.

"I hate to let him go," John answered sheepishly. "It seems like I've waited forever for him to finally get here. But I wouldn't mind a few minutes to clean up and use the facilities. Do you mind?"

Tenyse gave a teasing look. "Do I mind? It has been many winters since I have held a newborn for any length of time. I would be most happy to help. I know Kelina has been quite impatient to cuddle this child as well."

"So who gets him now?" John asked with humor in his voice and in his eyes. Tenyse motioned for Kelina to take the child and the girl's eyes lit up with excitement. She held out her arms and John carefully placed the child in them. The child made little mewing noises and Kelina began walking around the room and the child quieted down.

John nodded his thanks and moved to the water closet as Tenyse started gathering sheets and laundry to wash. When John came out, he washed quickly in the sink then filled a kettle with water and moved it to the stove knowing Teyla would appreciate a cup of tea when she woke. He stoked the newly burning logs with a thanks to whoever had added them, then brought a few more into the bedroom to add to the fire in there.

Teyla was still asleep and he knew she needed to rest. Yesterday had been quite exhausting even after the baby had been born. The two women had stayed and helped them out for quite a while but throughout the night the baby had wanted to be fed often and Teyla was the only one who could do it. What he wouldn't give for a little store bought formula so she could sleep while _he_ fed the baby. But that wasn't going to happen here.

He pressed a light kiss to Teyla's head then returned to the main room to see Kelina swaying back and forth keeping the child calm. John walked up behind her and she pouted but handed him back to his father stating, "He's so beautiful, John. You must be very happy."

"Yeah," John nodded and gently shifted the baby to his shoulder to rub his back as he paced around the room. But as the child stayed quiet, John decided to sit in front of the fire in one of the upholstered chairs with the baby in his lap. He moved the blanket aside and examined his son extensively. The boy gazed back up at him with unfocused eyes and John's smile was watery. He really needed to get a hold of these emotions that were running rampant though him. But this child had a hold on his heart like he'd never felt before and he didn't know what to do about it.

As the baby wiggled and reached his arms up to his father, John knew that he didn't really want to do _anything_ about it. The feelings felt good and right and he knew that it was just the love he already had for this child bubbling to the surface. Maybe once he got used to being a Dad and having a kid, they would calm down but he actually hoped they didn't. The feeling was quite exhilarating and left him satisfied and warm.

John lifted the child closer to his face and the baby's hands tangled in his beard. "What do you think there, Torren? Should I shave it off or keep it? Mommy seems to think I should keep it but even after all this time, I'm still not sure. Every time I get it trimmed I think I should just have them remove it all but your Mom likes the way it tickles her and so I leave it there."

Torren made a little sound and John smiled. "Okay, I'll keep it for now. But I'm not promising anything."

John went back to observing his son and checking out every little mark and wrinkle on him. He counted his fingers and toes and kissed them all too. He knew Kelina and Tenyse probably thought he was crazy as they moved about washing and making some breakfast but he didn't care. He wanted to know everything there was about this kid.

After almost an hour, John noticed the baby's mouth start opening and closing and when he stuck his finger close, the child reached for it and started sucking on that. He got up and reluctantly knew he would have to bring the baby to be fed by Teyla.

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Teyla opened her eyes slowly and felt unsettled for some reason. There was something she should be doing and she needed to remember what it was. She shifted slightly and felt extreme discomfort between her legs and remembered the delivery yesterday. She was still quite sore and uncomfortable but knew she needed to take care of her new child. She turned her head and found John missing from the bed where he had resided all last night. Their son was missing too and she panicked for just a moment until her mind reasoned that John had taken the baby, perhaps to allow her to rest longer.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, groaning at the movement and dull aches that resulted, and called out for her husband. She smiled when she thought of calling him that. The wedding had been a bit atypical of what either one of them had expected but it had been a ceremony no less and they were indeed bound to each other.

"John!" she called again and saw him enter the room at the same time, holding their son snuggly.

"Perfect timing," John said as he lowered the baby into her arms and kissed her upturned lips. "Someone was just starting to complain about being hungry."

"So like his father already," Teyla quipped as she pushed aside her gown and lowered the baby to feed.

"I'd say more like his Uncle Rodney," John corrected as he walked around and sat on the other side of the bed, scooting close to watch.

Teyla at first had felt self conscious when John had observed all the feedings last night and thought he had enjoyed viewing her bare breast. But she had noticed that John's eyes were glued to their son's face and his expression was hardly one of desire. The intense emotion and caring that poured from his eyes was a tell tale sign of his feelings for this child already.

She knew exactly how he felt. She had carried this child and felt his presence for quite some time and had enjoyed immensely feeling him move inside her. But now he was no longer there and she needed to readjust her way of connecting. Now she was able to simply hold him in her arms and gaze at his beautiful face.

"Tenyse and Kelina are here," John informed her as they viewed their son feeding. "Kelina's doing the laundry and Tenyse is getting ready to bake some bread. She figured you might not feel up to doing it this week."

Teyla glared at him facetiously. "Yes, because we all know how often I bake."

John just chuckled and laid his hand on Torren's head for a brief moment. "You're amazing, you know that, Teyla. Not that I'm crazy about what happened to us, but I have to say I'm glad it was you and not McKay or even Ronon. Rodney would have driven me crazy within a few weeks. And even though Ronon would have been tons of fun, I'm sure, I don't think either one of them would have given me something as miraculous as this."

Teyla laughed, knowing that speaking of their friends, while still painful, did not hurt quite so much as it had in the past. They still missed them terribly but both had resigned themselves to the new lives they had built here in this town with many new friends.

And throughout the day, many of these new friends had stopped by to congratulate the new parents and meet the tiny baby. Tenyse had allowed them in for short periods only, then shooed them out saying Teyla needed rest and the child did not need too much ruckus on his first day in this world.

Days passed this way with Tenyse and Finn making sure they had what they needed. John hated to leave Teyla for too long as she was still so tired from the constant feedings, so he stayed close to the house for the days following. He had luckily had the forethought to chop as much firewood as possible before the child was born, so he had plenty. And that was a good thing as winter was upon them and the days and nights were quite chilly.

After a few weeks, John managed to sneak out for longer periods, mostly to hunt or fish but they had been fortunate that many of their neighbors had brought food each night for them as a gift for the new child. John knew it wouldn't last much longer but they would enjoy it while they could. Teyla was getting used to the schedule of the baby and they had managed to get him to stay in his cradle for several hours without needing food or cuddling. During these times, John and Teyla made sure they got much needed sleep.

John knew it was easier for him to get sleep and he felt guilty when he did. He knew Teyla hadn't slept more than three hours at a time since Torren was born. Because of this he tried to take as much of the other responsibilities off her as possible. He cooked and cleaned and did the laundry, which consisted of mostly diapers. He'd seriously considered convincing someone in town to start making disposable diapers but unfortunately these people weren't quite equipped to handle that type of manufacturing yet.

He'd managed to get a few runs in each week if Teyla had gotten some good sleep the night before. But he'd always check with her first before he jumped in the shower to see if she needed anything.

"You holding the fort okay, Teyla, or do you need me to do something before I jump in the shower?"

"I will be fine if you are quick," Teyla replied wearily and John gave her another concerned stare before she waved him off. John had been so wonderful and helpful since Torren had been born and she could not ask for better. But she _could_ ask for more sleep. It was the one thing John could not give her. However, he did take care of their son as much as he possibly could.

She knew he had much work he should be doing and always felt guilty when he stayed inside with her instead. But somehow he still caught fish or game for their meal, fed the fowl animals they had begun to raise for eggs and protein, and harvested enough vegetables as well. He had occasionally gone into town to work with Shuntar and Timnis on a few more appliances but those times were few and far between lately.

Teyla gazed down at her son who was suckling at her breast and as always happened, she felt such a surge of love course through her. It was so intense that she had to take a deep breath as she gently caressed his head and the soft downy hair that covered it. His eyes had drifted closed and the strength of his mouth was dwindling. He had filled his belly and was now ready to slumber again.

Teyla started to remove him and chuckled when his jaw closed tighter and he started sucking again. She knew it was a reflex action and allowed him another minute of feeding but when he started to fall asleep again she removed him swiftly. She lifted him to her shoulder and rubbed his back to ensure any air bubbles could escape if they needed to.

She pulled her gaze away from him as John made his way back into the house, clad only in a towel around his waist.

"Man, it's getting cold out there," he growled as he moved to stand in front of the fireplace to warm himself. "I might need to enclose that back porch so we don't have to be outside even for a second to take a shower. And a little insulation in that shower room wouldn't be a bad thing either."

"Perhaps you would like to resume taking baths in the tub here in the main room," Teyla suggested.

John just looked at her with a silly grin then took the few steps to reach where Teyla was sitting on the settee. He sat next to her and touched the baby's head then planted little kisses along his tiny face.

"Let me get dressed and then I'll take him," John suggested. "You can go lie down or take a little walk outside if you need some fresh air."

Teyla glanced at John's damp chest and a little bit of sass swept through her. "What if I do not wish for you to get dressed? I must admit the sight of you like this is very pleasing."

John looked over at Teyla's mirthful eyes and shifted so his face was closer to hers. "Really," he chuckled lightly, "you want me to take the towel off, too?"

Teyla closed her eyes and gave an involuntary shiver. "I am not sure I am quite ready for that. However I do miss having my husband to hold much of the night."

John's face fell and he apologized. "I'm sorry, Teyla. I know it's been difficult with practically round the clock feedings but Finn says it should get better at some point. But I will make sure to pull you in close when we actually get a chance to be in bed at the same time. Deal?"

Teyla nodded and her face appeared happier. She reached out and ran her hand down his chest and suggested, "Perhaps when you get dressed you could leave the shirt off for a short while. The fire is warm right now and I must get my thrills when I am able."

John stopped the belly laugh that was making its way out of his throat when he realized it would wake Torren. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He kissed Teyla passionately but for much too short a time then got up to go into the bedroom. As he walked away Teyla grabbed the towel, leaving him to go the rest of the way with her appreciating his bare behind. As he entered the bedroom he turned and leaned against the doorframe, allowing her a full view.

His lips twisted into a grin and he teased, "Whenever you think you're ready, Teyla, just let me know and I'll make arrangements for an overnight babysitter."

Teyla just rolled her eyes and turned away from the too tempting sight. Even if her body felt healed enough, she knew an overnight stay with someone else was impossible. She was Torren's only food source and would be for a while.

Minutes later John returned and as promised he was only wearing his pants and a pair of socks. He leaned down and slid his hands under the baby and transferred him to his own shoulder. His heart jumped at the feel of the baby's skin against his own. It was so incredible, this feeling that he always got when he held his son. And he still had a hard time truly comprehending that this child was part of him. When he thought of that, it nearly blew his mind.

"Go ahead, Teyla," John directed, "I've got him. He just ate so he should be good for at least a few hours, right?"

"Hopefully," Teyla sighed. "I know it is chilly outside but I would like to go for a short walk to get some exercise and some fresh air. You are sure you do not mind?"

John sat on the settee then reclined against one of the throw pillows Teyla used when nursing and settled Torren right in the middle of his chest, still sleeping peacefully. "I love having time with him, you know that, Teyla. Go ahead and enjoy yourself."

Teyla put on the cape that Tenyse had given her, still too large to fit in another coat, and walked out the back door. She didn't go far, just down to the river where she walked along the edge, inhaling the crisp air and loosening up her unused muscles. She knew the walk would be far more enjoyable if she had John by her side but for now one of them needed to be with their son.

She stayed for longer than she knew she should but not half as long as she desired to. When she entered the cottage she found John in the same position he was in when she left and smiled when she saw that he appeared asleep. But his hands were wrapped snuggly around their child and she knew he would never let the baby fall.

As she walked closer she saw that Torren was awake and one of his tiny hands clutched the chain and tag around John's neck while he sucked on the other. His eyes were trying to focus on what he was holding and he seemed extremely content.

"Hello, precious," Teyla crooned softly as she knelt next to John. "Are you and your father enjoying some time together?"

Torren's eyes moved slightly and he attempted to focus on the new voice. Teyla lifted her hand to touch the child's head and sighed in contentment as she watched father and son lying so peacefully together. She thought about what life might have been like if she and John had never been captured. As much as they had gone through a terrible ordeal, she also was sure that they would not have this beloved child to show of their affection for the other. They most likely would have gone back to hiding their feelings and just being friends and teammates. For this reason alone she was infinitely grateful for the events that transpired. And this baby had allowed the pain of that time to dissipate until the memories were so far away they could not hurt them anymore.

As she sat by the settee and gazed lovingly at the boys in her life, John began to awaken. His hands stiffened on Torren and his head whipped around to check out the surroundings. When he saw Teyla sitting on the floor next to them, his smile lit up the room.

"Did you have a good walk?"

"It was exactly what I needed to refresh myself and perhaps start to get this body back in shape again," Teyla sighed.

John's hands ran over Torren's back then he turned toward Teyla. "Your shape is just fine, Teyla. It always has been and it always will be no matter how many babies you have. It's the shape of _you_ and that's what I love; you."

Teyla leaned in to rest her head on John's chest right next to the infant and John's hand moved from Torren's back to Teyla's head. Teyla pressed her lips to John's skin then to the baby's teeny nose. "And I love both of you, more than I can put into words. I always will."

John's hand tightened in Teyla's hair and caressed the back of her head. He didn't say anything else. He didn't need to; the love in the room was quite obvious for all to see.

.

.

As more days passed, Teyla began to grow grumpy and agitated. The weather had been cold and rainy and she had been stuck inside most of the time. They hadn't wanted to bring the baby outside in the cold weather, especially during the first few weeks. Finally, one clear, sunny day, John suggested they go for a short walk to Finn and Tenyse's and get her some fresh air. She had gladly agreed.

"Oh, this is lovely, John," Teyla sighed as she felt the sun on her face and the breeze blow her hair around. She tugged the collar of the cape Tenyse had given her closer to her neck then checked to make sure the blanket around their son was snug and secure. John was carrying him and she knew he was providing warmth for him but she worried anyway. It was what she did now that she was a mother.

They approached their friends' house and John waited for Teyla to climb the porch steps first. Teyla gave a quick knock on the door and then turned the knob to enter. She felt so comfortable here that she never felt she had to wait for someone to answer the door. John moved up behind her and she felt his hand on her shoulder as she moved into the room.

Suddenly she saw many people appear from doorways and behind furniture to yell, "Birthday Greetings, Teyla!"

Her eyes opened wide and she turned around to glare at John. He just shrugged and pointed to the baby. "It was Torren's idea."

Her disbelieving look had him explaining. "Torren and I knew you hadn't been out of the house for a while and as it _is_ your birthday, at least according to my watch and the time back on Atlantis, we thought maybe a little party was in order."

He then squinted his eyes and made a face, "You're not mad are you? You aren't one of those people who doesn't like surprise parties?"

Teyla chuckled and she felt moisture touch her eyes at the thoughtful gesture. She reached up to stroke John's soft beard and told him, "No, I am not angry. This was very thoughtful and I appreciate it. I truly did need to get out of the house. I have felt confined inside much too long."

She gave him a quick kiss then turned to greet all her friends in the room. Bessa stole the baby as John and Teyla shrugged out of their coats and Finn took them to put them aside. When Teyla turned around she found Bessa introducing the baby to her own grandchildren. Teyla smiled when she saw the slightly older infant relaxing in her mother's arms.

Teyla thought of the future and knew that these two would be good friends; Torren and Bessa's granddaughter. They were similar age and Teyla only knew of two other children who had been born during their ten months here. But they were all from nice families and so she knew it would be fine. She accepted a cup of hot tea from Finn and let her mind wander to the future when Torren would join the other children and go to the school house for daily lessons.

As they lived on the edge of town, she knew either she or John would walk him for many of his younger years. She knew she wished to go back to work at the clinic so it would be easy for her to bring Torren to school then go to work. It would not even be an inconvenience. But then she wondered what would happen if they had other children. John had mentioned another child on several occasions and now that she had one and the pain of childbirth had somewhat faded from her memory, she knew she could think of nothing better than to have more children.

_ Of course they would need to share the second bedroom _ , Teyla thought then wondered if John would want to put another addition onto the cottage at some point. She looked across the room to where John was laughing at something Timnis said and knew it wouldn't matter if they had another room or if they just squished into the ones they already had. They would be happy.

John took that moment to gaze in her direction and his eyes narrowed in question at the silly grin she had pasted on her face. Teyla kept her eyes in John's direction and lifted her hand to her heart. She smiled then mouthed the words, "I love you."

John got a similar silly grin on his face but looked cautiously around him first then slyly mouthed the words, "I love you," back to her.

Teyla chuckled when she saw that Timnis had caught them and started giving John a hard time. But she knew John would just give it right back to Tim and probably tease him about not having a girlfriend to say it to. But Teyla knew Timnis had been seeing the woman he'd met at Shalise and Tolden's wedding, the one that was a relative of Tolden. Unfortunately, she lived in one of the mountain towns and so their courtship was a bit long distance and visits were not often.

Teyla enjoyed the time with her closest friends and as much as she adored her son, she was enjoying having so many other people take care of him while they were here. Aside from the times he was hungry, she had not needed to hold him or change him at all. Perhaps she would need to take some of these people up on their offers to babysit while she and John had a few hours to themselves.

Unfortunately this town did not have many places to go especially during the cold, rainy winter. They would most likely need to wait until the spring arrived and then Torren would be a bit older and able to go for longer periods without her breast milk. According to Shalise it would be many lunar cycles before she could begin to give the child any kind of food other than liquid. But when he was a bit older and the weather was warmer, she and John could perhaps enjoy a few long walks down by the river or through some of the many fields that surrounded the town. That was a nice thought and something to look forward to.

Shalise found her a bit later trying to sneak another sweet roll from the tray in the kitchen and laughed at the guilty look on her face.

"Teyla, the food is here for people to eat. Why do you look so guilty?"

Teyla licked her fingers from the sticky frosting and replied, "I should not be eating too many sweets. I have yet to regain my figure from before Torren was born. The rain and cold has made it difficult to do any activities outside and the cottage is much too small for more than stretching and toning. Besides, I spend much time during the day with my son and every time I attempt to do something physical, he begins to cry."

"Oh, he's got you wrapped around his finger already, huh? He must see how you have that handsome husband wrapped around _yours_ and he's trying to keep up."

Teyla flushed. "I do not have John wrapped around my finger. He is simply a kind and considerate man. And a wonderful father who wishes to make things easier for the mother of his child."

Shalise smiled like she had made her point. "And I do not think you need worry about your figure. You have lost much of your pregnancy weight and once the weather turns nice you will be able to get out walking again. But I do not think John has a problem with the way you look now. His eyes have a difficult time looking _away_ from you."

Teyla looked up and sure enough she found John's eyes on her and a grin on his face. She grinned back and thought of blowing a kiss but she could see Timnis watching them like a hawk and knew he was just waiting for something like that to give John more grief.

She turned back to Shalise and said, "I was hoping that I could return to the clinic once Torren is a bit older. I have not mentioned it to John yet but I am hopeful we would be able to work something out so I could perhaps even come for short periods each day and John can care for our son."

"There is no rush, Teyla," Shalise informed her. "You need not worry about me. Yes, I could certainly use you assistance however you need to completely recover from having this child. And that is a difficult thing to do when you are not getting enough sleep at night."

"This is true," Teyla sighed. "At what age do children begin to sleep more than three hours at a time? I am hoping it will be soon."

Shalise just chuckled merrily. "I believe you still have quite a ways to go. The baby's stomach is not large enough to hold enough milk to last for very long. Give it time and he will begin to sleep longer. Then you may think about returning to the clinic. And you could always bring him and set up a crib in the office. That way you can feed him when it is time. Otherwise John would have to bring him to you whenever he was hungry."

"You would allow me to do that?" Teyla questioned happily. "That would be ideal. I like the idea of returning to work but yet at the same time I do not think I could leave my child for long periods."

"Let's give it another lunar cycle at least and then we can maybe think of having you come in one afternoon a week so I may make visits. If that works then we can extend it to two and so on. But remember, you may always come visit me during the day if you need to get out of the house."

"I do know that and thank you," Teyla murmured. "However the weather has not been cooperative lately and I do not wish to bring Torren out while it is raining or too cold. The wind has been quite harsh lately."

"Yes, it has," Shalise agreed. "I have heard that the mountain towns have received some large amounts of snow. It has made travel and trade difficult for them. Dr. Valetudo was scheduled to be here yesterday but he has been delayed due to the impassable road conditions."

They continued to discuss how upset Timnis was by this weather as he had made plans to visit his new young lady friend this week. He was not thrilled that he had to postpone the trip. More discussion of other matters followed and finally Tenyse called Teyla to sit at the head of the table. She brought out a large cake and everyone gave her good birthday wishes and a few presents.

"You should not have," Teyla insisted but they all said they were things she would need now that she had a baby in the house. And because of that she had gladly accepted.

She fed Torren again and then said goodbye as others began to drift to their own homes. Shortly there were only a few left, Shalise and Tolden, Timnis, Shuntar and Bessa and of course Finn and Tenyse and their kids. John noticed Teyla beginning to sag and suggested they get going too. The sun had set a while ago and he knew the wind would pick up the later it got.

They thanked Finn and Tenyse for hosting the party and took some leftovers to snack on when they got home later. John took the bag of food and Teyla's gifts and Teyla wrapped the baby up tight and held him snuggly under one side of her cape.

"John, that was a lovely thing to do," Teyla sighed as they walked home, feeling much better emotionally than she had in some time. She still felt guilty that she needed outside stimulation and not just the company of her husband and child. But even John had admitted that as much as he loved their son, he sometimes needed to get away for a little break and he came back so much healthier. Teyla did not always have that luxury.

John just shrugged and said, "I thought you needed to get out of the house and I certainly couldn't just ignore your birthday. So I mentioned it to Finn and he and Tenyse came up with this little plan. They actually did most of the work. I was just the brains behind the operation. And Torren," John said as he pointed to the bundle under Teyla's cape. "He thought you'd be a much happier Mommy if you had a fun little party and got to socialize a bit."

Teyla looked down at her arms and said, "Thank you, my sweetest, yes I will be a much happier Mommy now. I am sorry if I have been discontent lately."

"Teyla, you've been fine," John assured her. "The weather's been lousy and Shalise says that sometimes after having a baby, women can feel a bit down and blue. I remember my brother calling it Postpartum Depression and I guess it's pretty common, although in your case I think you've just been cooped up too long and are going stir crazy."

Teyla saw their cottage come into view and pushed herself to walk faster. The night air was quite chilly. "Are you calling me crazy, John?" Teyla teased back and she looked to where John had frozen in the road.

Her eyes followed his and she felt herself being shoved roughly behind him. There on the side of the road was a four legged animal with shaggy fur and snarling teeth. Teyla realized right away what it was. It was a jacktu, the animal that had killed Shalise's first husband. And it was standing between them and their house.

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18

Chapter 18

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"Stay behind me, Teyla," John growled softly but his voice shook, thinking this creature could tear them all apart in minutes if it wanted to. He needed to find a way to get Teyla and the baby in the house safely. Fear raced through his body, pumping adrenaline into his veins. It was a feeling he hadn't had in quite some time; not since they had been captured. But now he had more to think about than just himself and Teyla. He had a tiny infant son who meant everything in the world to him. He needed to protect him and keep him safe at all costs. He thought of the food in the bag he was carrying and slowly attempted to open it.

"I'm gonna throw some of this food and see if it'll go for that. When I do, I want you to run as fast as you can into the house and shut the door," John instructed Teyla in a low tone. There was no way he would let this thing hurt his new family.

"John?" He could hear the fear in Teyla's voice.

"I'll be right behind you, Teyla," he assured her. "But I need to make sure the baby's safe first. _You_ need to make sure the baby's safe."

"Yes," Teyla whispered and watched as John's hand drew out some of the food. The animal's nose sniffed the air and he took a tentative step closer. Teyla could hear John's breathing get quicker and she prepared herself to move. His hand flicked the food to their right and as the animal scampered in that direction, John turned his body so Teyla and the baby were still behind him. But the path to the house was now clear.

"Go!" John shouted between clenched teeth and started backing up himself, never taking his eyes off the jacktu. Teyla sprinted the few dozen yards to the porch then quickly climbed the steps, turning the door knob into the cottage. As she pushed the door open, she looked back at John and the animal. John was still a few yards from the bottom of the porch.

John turned slightly to make sure Teyla had gotten safely to the house and in that split second, the animal launched itself in the air and headed for him.

"John!" Teyla screamed as she saw the animal knock him to the ground. She wanted to run back but she was still holding Torren and knew their son was her first priority. She needed to make sure he was safe before she helped John. He would expect it of her. She dashed into the house, slamming the door behind her, not even noticing the loud noise had startled the child. She rushed into the bedroom and deposited the fussing baby in his cradle then ran back to the main room looking for something in which to fight the beast.

Her eyes moved to the fireplace and she quickly grabbed the poker they used for stoking the fire. Then she pulled one of the large hunting knives from its holder in the counter and hurried back outside. The sight that met her eyes nearly stopped her heart. John was still fighting the jacktu but the creature had its jaw locked around John's shoulder and its claws dug into his arm and neck.

Teyla started to jump down the steps but paused to pull the rope on the porch bell viciously back and forth a few times; the clanging loud in her ears. The sound startled the beast and he eased his teeth out of John's body long enough for John to get a grip of its neck and hold its teeth away.

Teyla darted over to where John lay and steadied her grip on her weapons. The jacktu started to move its head back to John's shoulder and Teyla could tell John's strength was waning as the animal's teeth moved closer again.

Teyla jabbed the poker in the jacktu's direction but it did not notice so she poked it right into his neck. His head whipped up and a ferocious snarl shot out of its mouth but its claws continued their assault on John's torso. As the animal opened its mouth in protest, Teyla shoved the poker right inside and pushed with all her might. The animal moved back enough and John was finally able to roll a few feet away.

She knew the animal was now injured, the poker having done some damage but Teyla moved forward again and swung the knife skillfully and sliced at the beast's throat, causing it to stagger back and drop to the ground. John had managed to crawl enough to grab the poker and continue shoving it down the animal's throat as Teyla plunged the knife into the jacktu's chest thus ending its life.

When she was sure it was dead, she rushed to John's side and saw that his breathing was rapid and his face was contorted in pain. She helped him to lie back and checked his wounds. The sight made moisture spring to her eyes but she knew she could not allow herself the luxury of tears right now. John needed help. His neck and arm were bleeding profusely and his shoulder had been extremely mangled by the strong jaws of the beast.

She debated running to the porch to ring the bell again but did not want to leave John's side. His eyes were rolling back in his head and she thought he must be going into shock. The amount of blood that was pooling near his shoulder was great and she knew she needed to get him inside. But she was not sure how she would do it herself.

But in her few moments of wondering what to do, she heard shouts coming up the road and saw Finn, Timnis and several of the others who had been at her party.

"Please," she yelled frantically out to them, "You must get Shalise, quickly. John has been injured."

Everyone's eyes popped open when they saw the dead jacktu and Finn turned to Zeth and ordered, "Go get Shalise. She and Tolden may still be on their way home. Tell her to come and bring her bag. We will be in need of it."

Zeth took off back the way he had come and Finn and Timnis knelt down to look at the damage to John. The fear in their eyes made Teyla's breath catch.

Tenyse approached and immediately asked, "Where is the baby, Teyla?"

"In the house," Teyla replied her eyes never leaving John's tormented face, her hand clutching his uninjured one. "John held the creature off long enough for me to get Torren in the cottage."

"Kelina, go see to the baby," Tenyse commanded and instructed Finn and Timnis to bring John inside.

The men grabbed John under the arms and by the legs and Tenyse led the way, opening the doors and quickly snatching the quilt from the bed. She pulled the thick blanket out that they'd used when Teyla had delivered Torren and threw it over the bed. By this time the men had John inside and they lowered him gently onto the surface.

John's face was covered in sweat and his breathing was rapid and pained. Tenyse threw off her coat and yelled for someone to get a knife to cut John's tops off of him so they could treat his wounds. As soon as that was done, Tenyse took some of John's torn shirt and folded it to apply pressure to one of the bleeding areas.

A loud groan erupted from John's mouth at this added pain and Tenyse apologized. "I am sorry, John, but we must get this bleeding stopped."

Teyla looked at Timnis who had backed away from the bed to allow room to work. "Timnis, I need you to get a jug and fill it with warm water from the shower unit out back. We will need to cleanse his wounds. Finn," she looked at the other man who was removing John's boots so he would be more comfortable. "Could you please get the fires going again? I am sure Shalise will need even hotter water than the shower can provide."

The men moved to do her bidding and Teyla moved around the other side of the bed to climb on next to John. She lifted her hand to his head and pushed aside the hair that had grown much longer than he ever had it on Atlantis. She had not had longings for their former home in quite some time, but as she saw John's blood continue to leak from his body, she wished for the advanced medical care that the city had to offer.

She folded a few cloths and pressed on John's wounds also as she whispered assurances to him. He would be fine, he must be fine. He had just given her the most precious gift of all, their son, and he could not leave her here alone to raise him. It would not be right.

"You will be fine, John," Teyla insisted as she continued to press on his neck as her other hand caressed his face and head. "You are very strong and I know you will be fine. You have come through much harsher injuries and you have survived. You will get through this, too."

John seemed to rouse from his stupor at her words and made a choking sound. He coughed a few times then finally got the words out. "Where's Torren?" He coughed a few more times. "Is he safe?"

"Our son is fine," Teyla assured him. "He is with Kelina in the other room. You need not worry about him. You must rest so your body can begin to heal. Shalise will be here soon. She will make you well again."

John weakly moved his head back and forth a few times. "I couldn't let that thing hurt you … or the baby," John choked out. "Couldn't let him … hurt you."

Teyla's lips lowered to touch his forehead and she whispered, "And you did protect us. We are both unharmed. Now we must get you well again. Just rest."

His hand squeezed hers and she could tell his strength was draining. She kept her hand in his and her lips on his forehead as she continued to press on his neck wound. Timnis came in with a large jug of water and Finn brought some towels and they placed them on the side table near the bed.

"What else can we do?" Finn asked quietly as his concerned gaze swept over John's agonized expression.

Tenyse took one of the towels and placed it in the basin by the bed and poured some of the warm water over it. She then replaced the torn, bloody shirt on John's shoulder with it. Next she handed Teyla another warm, damp towel and took the rags she'd been using and handed them to Finn.

"You can take these outside then check to see where Shalise is and if she needs any other supplies."

They heard the outside door open and Teyla breathed a sigh of relief when she heard Shalise's voice. Finn and Timnis disappeared through the bedroom door as Shalise came through it. Tenyse stepped aside but still kept her grip on the towel covering the worst of John's wound.

Shalise immediately moved to John's side and started assessing the damage. Teyla kept close watch on her face and was dismayed to see fear and anxiety there. She tried to convince herself it was just memories of her first husband's attack by the same animal that caused his death. She did not even wish to contemplate that John's wounds could be mortal ones.

"I need to clean these out and start stitching them up right away to stop the bleeding," she said as she dipped her hands in the warm water that Timnis had brought in, added some soap and dried them on a clean towel. "I saw the amount of blood there was outside and it is a dangerous quantity. I will need both of you to hold him still while I use the disinfectant on his wounds. It will be very painful but it must be done or infection is guaranteed."

"John has a very high tolerance for pain," Teyla told them as her hand caressed his forehead and gently moved down the side of his face.

"I can see that," Shalise observed as she saw John still conscious even with the severe injuries he'd sustained. "But this will make the pain even worse."

Shalise pulled a large bottle of liquid from her bag and opened the top. "Are you ready to hold him? I will need to pour it straight into the open wounds."

Tenyse positioned herself to hold his injured hand down by his waist on one side and Teyla held his shoulder on the other.

"John," Shalise spoke softly to him. "I need to clean your wounds. It will be painful and I have nothing to give you to lessen this. I am sorry."

John's breathing was harsh and he ground out, "Just do it!"

Shalise placed her hand on John's head to hold it in place then tipped the bottle enough so the liquid spilled out. She started on the smaller scratches on his neck then onto the deeper ones. John's chest rose and fell with his heavy panting and his jaw clenched but he remained still.

Teyla could feel his hand tighten on hers and knew the pain was great. But when the liquid was poured into the deepest part of the shoulder wound, his control snapped and the scream that was ripped from his throat was reminiscent of when salt water was poured on the Iratus bug that had been attached to his neck.

His back arched and Teyla and Tenyse held on tight while Shalise continued to spill the liquid into the rest of the jagged lines that zigzagged down his arm. She took some gauze and dabbed at the blood, attempting to see the wounds clearer. John's whole body was shaking now and she knew she needed to clean the wounds once more.

"Hold him," Shalise instructed again. "I need to completely sterilize these wounds. We cannot allow any infectious material to remain in there."

She poured more liquid on his mangled skin and made sure to get as much as possible in the deepest scratches and bites. John's head was thrown back in agony and his cries echoed through the room as Shalise pressed on the wounds to clean the blood away so she could actually stitch it. When she could see inside the wounds, she realized that there was a great deal of damage to the shoulder. She hoped she could get the wound closed enough to stop the bleeding.

"Tenyse," Shalise asked, "Can you get the sewing materials out of my bag. I need to close these wounds quickly and stop the bleeding. Teyla, you stay where you are and keep him as calm as you are able."

Both women nodded and within minutes Shalise was starting on the largest open area, stitching what she could inside first then moving to close the flesh and encase the muscle and bone. It was tiring, precise work and Tolden came in occasionally to make sure his wife was okay and bring her water to drink. Shalise smiled at him appreciatively each time but continued the intense detailed stitching.

Teyla continued to hold John's hand and caress his face as Shalise worked. Every now and then his whole body would shudder and his eyes would roll back in his head. Teyla would speak louder to him then to keep him aware and fighting for his life. She could hear Torren starting to fuss in the main room but for now she knew her place was with her husband. She could not lose him; it was unthinkable.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Shalise sat back and gave a weary sigh. "I have closed up the worst of the gashes and sealed any cuts that would not stop bleeding on their own. I will let the air get at them for a few minutes then bandage them to keep them clean. For now, I need to clean myself up."

She stood up and looked down at Teyla who was still covered in the animal's blood as well as John's. "Teyla, you will need to clean yourself as well. We need to keep this room as sterile as possible to avoid infection. Jacktu can carry many diseases and if any saliva was not flushed out with the disinfectant then John could become very ill. We do not need to provide his body with any more possible infections than he has already come in contact with."

Teyla looked apprehensive about leaving John but Tenyse moved closer to the bed and said, "I will sit with him until you come back."

Teyla pressed a kiss to John's trembling lips and promised, "I will be right back. Do not endeavor to get up. You need to rest."

John coughed out a tiny laugh at the thought that he could even attempt to get out of this bed. His whole body was in agony and his shoulder was on fire. He gave what he could of a smile and softly uttered, "Stay right … here … promise."

He watched Teyla pull open the dresser, grab some clean clothes and disappear out the door. Shalise was looking at his shoulder, neck and arm again and frowning. He wasn't sure he liked that she was frowning. It couldn't be that bad could it? It was just his shoulder, right? Okay his neck hurt like hell and when he made an effort to move his hand, he wasn't sure much happened other than a few wiggled fingers. But it would get better, it always did.

Tenyse emptied the basin and poured some of the heated water in it then wet another cloth to begin cleaning John's chest and other arm, which had been covered in the jacktu's fir and blood. She called in Finn who helped her change John into a pair of sleep pants then covered him with a light sheet.

Teyla came back within minutes in a loose dress she had worn while still pregnant and climbed back on the bed next to him. His hand crawled to hers and slid inside her waiting palm. He gave her a weak smile and tried to keep his eyes open but all of a sudden he found he had no strength to do that.

The sound of their son crying frantically in the next room had his eyes popping open again and he tugged lightly on Teyla's hands. "He's hungry. You need … to feed … him."

Teyla was torn and John whispered, "I'm fine … go."

Tenyse saw her dilemma and called for Kelina to bring the baby. She gathered the infant in her arms and rounded the bed to hand him to his mother. Teyla gladly accepted and flashed Tenyse a grateful smile. John watched as Teyla opened the front of her dress and positioned the baby to feed. Even as drowsy as he was he still couldn't keep his eyes away from the beautiful sight.

Teyla saw him watching her and moved to face him so he could watch without needing to turn his head. Torren settled quickly into suckling and Teyla alternated her gaze between her husband and her son; the most precious people in her life.

After a while both of them drifted off and Teyla moved Torren to her shoulder as she closed up her dress. She rubbed the baby's back in a soothing gesture and watched John's chest rise and fall. As long as it continued to do that she would have faith that he would be fine. She could hear the others all moving around in the main room and was comforted by the fact that they had so many friends who were here to assist in any way they could.

Shalise returned from cleaning up and took out the bottle of disinfectant. "I'm almost out of this. I sent Tolden and Timnis to fetch another few bottles. I want to continue to clean these wounds throughout the night. I gave them a list of a few other things I might need. For now I want to put bandages on."

"Do you wish my assistance?" Teyla asked, knowing she usually helped her with bandages while at the clinic.

Shalise gave her a reassuring smile and shook her head. "You stay right there and hold that precious child of yours. If I need any help, there are a few more people in the other room who can assist me. But you can hold John's hand, just to let him know you're still here."

John was out cold now but Teyla knew he could probably sense she was still by his side and she wanted him to be aware of that and feel comforted by her presence. She shifted Torren to lie on the bed near John's head and picked up his hand to run her fingers over the back of it. She stroked the soft hair that was on his arm and squeezed his fingers with her own.

Shalise began wetting some gauze with the disinfectant and dabbing it on the few spots that still seemed to leak blood. She had stitched up his arm, neck and shoulder with too many stitches to even counts, hundreds most likely but there were still a few places where it oozed out past the stitches. A few times John winced in his sleep but his eyes remained closed. It was probably a good thing as she knew the pain of his injury must be great.

One of the supplies she had sent her husband to go fetch had been some powder, ground up from leaves, that had a coagulating effect, and she would need to use it if the bleeding would not stop on its own. But the powder burned worse than the disinfectant and she hoped she wouldn't have to subject John to any more pain than he was already in.

Once she bandaged up the worst of the scratches and bites, she left Teyla alone with her husband and settled herself on the settee in front of the toasty fireplace. Kelina immediately brought her a cup of tea and sat next to her.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Shalise smiled at the worried girl. She was a very mature young lady in many ways but she was still so young and innocent in many others. And she could tell by the girl's face that she wasn't sure exactly what to think.

"Will John recover from this?" Kelina's voice was wobbly and Shalise knew the pain she was feeling was intense. This family had welcomed John and Teyla into their lives and their hearts so deeply, they felt like family themselves.

Finn, Tenyse and Zeth also looked at her curiously. She took a breath and answered truthfully.

"I cannot truly say. There are many factors to take into account. The wounds were deep and he lost much blood and that alone can cause death to occur. There is also the chance that all of the jacktu's blood and saliva were not flushed from the wounds and that can cause infection to set in. I have some medicines to combat this but they are not always successful in all cases."

Shalise saw the somber faces of her friends and tried to give them some hope. "But much of it will depend on John. He has a strong, healthy body and he has kept himself in good shape since he has been here. That is a benefit in this case. He also has many reasons to live and to fight for that life. He has a loving wife and a beautiful new child and those things may be what keep him here with us. All we can do is keep his wounds as clean as possible and say prayers to the Ancestors for his survival."

"But John is a descendent of the Ancestors," Zeth pointed out, "Surely they would not allow him to die this way."

Shalise shrugged and gave a sad smile. "It is not for us to know what their plans are in this world or the next."

The room grew quiet and Shalise patted Kelina's hand when she saw a tear slide down the girl's cheek. They stayed quiet and just listened to the crackling of the fire and soft sounds of Teyla's gentle voice as she spoke to her son and gave her husband words of encouragement. Even though John was not conscious at the moment, she knew he was aware of Teyla's company and hoped subconsciously he would make an effort to stay with them.

Tolden and Timnis returned a short time later with a box of supplies and some food from several neighbors who had heard about the attack. Shalise checked on John again and was relieved to see he was breathing less harshly. She peeked inside the bandages and saw that most areas had stopped bleeding. There were only a few that still leaked a bit.

She left Teyla lying on the bed with the baby between her and John, holding his hand and rubbing his arm in a comforting motion. She wondered who the comfort was for though.

Back in the main room, the occupants were making up a schedule for going home and sleeping and staying here in case any assistance was needed. They were not all knowledgeable in medical skills but sometimes a messenger was needed and they wanted someone available to do that as well.

Kelina and Zeth were dispatched home as well as Finn while Timnis said he would stay the night and Finn could spell him in the morning. Tolden would stay for a while but she had convinced him he would be more useful in the morning if he had slept. Tenyse and Shalise agreed they would both stay but take turns resting on the settee. They figured there should be a person available to take the baby if it was needed, although Shalise knew having the child near John would probably help him emotionally to heal.

She had this confirmed the next time she went in to check on him. His eyes were open in tiny slits and his uninjured hand was running over Torren's back and head gently. He had somehow moved the baby to rest against his side and was keeping the child calm while Teyla slept. The infant's eyes were open also and his hands clenched John's skin as he sucked on a fist he had somehow managed to get near his mouth.

Shalise smiled as John quietly murmured little words of love and assurance to the baby. A few tears gathered in her eyes at what he was saying.

"Hey, Pal, we had a little … problem today. Your Dad ran into a jacktu and … got a little banged up. But you don't have to … worry about that. I'd never let one of them hurt you … or your Mom. I love you both too much … and I don't know what I'd do … if anything ever happened … to take you away from me."

John took a shuddering breath and his face twisted in pain for a few moments. He took a few more deep breaths then continued, his words halted. "But I don't want you … to worry. I'm gonna be fine. Unfortunately it may … take a few days for me to get … up and around again but I will. Until then I want you to be … really good for your Mom. She's sleeping right now because … she's really tired. So maybe you can just see if … you can sleep yourself for a little longer than usual … after you've eaten, huh? I'd really appreciate it. And if you can do that, … I promise that once I can hold you again … I'll give you all sorts of extra cuddling, okay?"

Almost as if the child could understand him, Torren stopped sucking on his fist for a second and turned his eyes in his father's direction. Or it could have just been that he missed the sound of his father's voice and wanted him to continue talking.

John happily obliged although his voice was fading. "Once the weather gets better … I'm gonna take you to the meadow down past the old mill … and show you these flowers that your Mom really likes. If you ever get in trouble, just pick her … a bunch of these and you'll probably get off … with a lighter sentence. I had to do that … the time Tim and Finn got me plastered … and I fell in the river. Your Mom wasn't thrilled that I got water … all over the floor and drenched the couch. It took a few days … to dry out. But some of those flowers … got me in her good graces again. Of course I had to pick them for her … like three days in a row."

John's hand slowed down the soothing caresses on the baby's head and back and his voice trailed off. Shalise looked down at the boy and realized he was asleep as well. She pulled another blanket from the closet and draped it over Teyla and the baby and partially over John's legs and torso. Then she turned around and threw a few more logs on the fire.

So far John was doing well considering his injuries but she knew he'd lost a great deal of blood and all sorts of things could crop up. She would keep watch and take turns with Tenyse in checking John's wounds throughout the night. As she moved back to the main room to heat more water for tea, she knew all they could do was hope and pray that John was strong enough to get through this and if he didn't, then pray that Teyla was strong enough to get through losing him.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19

Chapter 19

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The morning sun streamed through the window giving the illusion of warmth but Tenyse knew better. The appearance of the jacktu attested to this fact. They seldom came down from the mountains unless the weather was especially cold. This season it had been. She and Timnis had been stoking the fires the entire night, in the main room, John and Teyla's room and the baby's room. They'd thrown some blankets and extra bedding on the floor in there and had taken turns resting either there or the settee in the main room.

Teyla had slept off and on fitfully, worried about John and keeping a watchful eye on him. She had of course needed to keep Torren fed as well. John had yet to wake up after Shalise had seen him talking and comforting the infant. She knew he had a strong will but she had also seen the damage the jacktu had caused. Shalise's first husband had not sustained much more of an injury and he had not survived. She knew this bothered Shalise as well but she also knew that Shalise had been studying medicine for many years due to an incident just like this.

A soft knock sounded on the door and it opened to Finn and Kelina, followed by Bessa carrying a huge basket which smelled of fresh baked goods. Her stomach rumbled and she knew she would not be the only one grateful for the breakfast.

Finn kissed her soundly and glanced at her with concern in his eyes. She knew some of the concern was for her and the fact that she had been awake much of the night. But she knew that much of it was for John. Finn and John had become very good friends and the thought of losing such a good friend brought grief and heartache to them all.

"How is John?" Bessa had the courage to ask. "Shuntar and I have been heart sick when we heard the news. Please tell us he is recovering well."

"His night has been restful," Tenyse stated. "But he has been unconscious most of the time. It is probably for the best as when he is awake, there is much pain."

"Teyla?" Finn asked.

"Teyla is a strong woman. She will survive this ordeal, whatever happens."

The back door opened and Timnis backed in, holding an armload of firewood. Kelina grabbed the door for him and closed it as he deposited the wood in the pile next to the fireplace. He brushed his hands on his pants and took a deep breath in with his nose.

"Ah, Bessa, you brought fresh baked pastries," he exclaimed as he moved to the table and peered inside the basket. "You know, one of these days I will steal you away from Shuntar and this type of food will be _mine_ every morning."

Bessa laughed at the foolishness of the man twenty years younger than her but still blushed at the compliment. "Please help yourself. Do you mind if I look in on John?"

Tenyse waved her in the direction of the bedroom and she walked softly to the doorway to see Teyla sitting up in bed. She was leaning against the headboard and had the baby at her breast, feeding. Her worried eyes divided their time between her son and her husband.

John's eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell in heavy breathing and Bessa could tell it was not a peaceful sleep. As she moved in the room further, Teyla looked up and smiled. Bessa smiled back and approached the bed to peer down at John. His face was pale and the stark white bandages stood out on his skin, splotches of blood seeping through them in spots. There was a sheen on his chest and Bessa touched his forehead and was dismayed to feel it very warm to the touch.

"How long has it been since Shalise came in to check on him?"

"An hour or so," Teyla responded then looked frantically at John, wondering why Bessa had asked. "John was sleeping well at that time."

Bessa could see that Teyla was quite fatigued and must not have noticed the sweat forming on John's brow and skin, although now that it had been pointed out, she could see it quite clearly.

Teyla adjusted the baby so she could free one hand and she also touched John's face. "He is quite warm. Please inform Shalise. We must get his fever down quickly. I fear he is too weak to combat it himself."

Teyla attempted to get off the bed but Bessa held out her hand. "You must finish feeding your son first, Teyla. No other here is capable of doing that. We can hold and comfort him once he is fed but the feeding is your responsibility. I will get Shalise."

Teyla knew what Bessa said was true but she could also now see that John was not as peaceful as he had been previously during the night. Teyla had been deluding herself when she thought that John's sleep meant he was well on his way to recovery. He had been injured so many times in the past and had always come out fine, but they had also been on Atlantis where the medical conditions were far advanced from what was available here. That thought did not bring her comfort.

Shalise came quickly into the room and pressed her hand to John's skin in several locations. Her frown told Teyla that she was also concerned about the warmth of John's skin. She lifted a few of the bandages that seemed to have more spotting on them and frowned again. Teyla's heart twisted at the sight.

"What is wrong?" Teyla demanded of her friend.

Shalise gave Teyla a sympathetic smile and answered truthfully, "Several of the lacerations look as if they may be infected. I need to clean them again; perhaps even open them up to get more disinfectant inside them. It is good he is not awake; hopefully he will stay asleep as this will be painful."

Teyla looked down to see her son had stopped sucking and was now in a milk induced slumber. She lifted him to her shoulder and rubbed his back while she climbed out of bed. She pulled the edges of her dress together and moved toward the door.

"I will be right back to assist you but I do not want Torren to be in here if his father cries out. It will distress him, I am sure."

Teyla walked into the main room to see Finn trying to convince Timnis and Tenyse to go home and get rest. They didn't seem to want to leave; especially now they knew John had a fever.

"You should go," Teyla agreed. "You have been here all night and I am very appreciative but you must get rest too. Kelina, Finn and Bessa are here now and can handle any difficulties we may have. And I do not wish to take you all away from your other daily responsibilities."

They all shrugged off her concerns for them but Timnis and Tenyse finally relented and said they would check back later. Teyla handed Torren to Kelina and told her, "He has just been fed and will need to have his back rubbed for the gas to escape. And most likely he will need a diaper change." At that thought she gave Kelina an apologetic look.

Teyla buttoned up the front of her dress, slightly embarrassed that it had been undone but her main concern now was John and getting his temperature lower. She moved to the sink and filled a basin with cool water then brought it back to their bedroom. As she placed it on the side table, Shalise looked up approvingly.

Bessa strolled in a few moments later with some clean towels and cloths. "I will make sure to wash more of these throughout the day so we have a clean supply. I have also instructed Shuntar to bring some later when he comes to check on things. And I know you are both concentrated on relieving John's fever but remember you are no good to him if you are weak from hunger. I will bring in some pastries and bread with jam and leave it on the dresser."

She was true to her word and left a jug and glasses on the top of the dresser also. "There is fresh squeezed juice as well. Please make sure you keep your strength up."

Shalise cut the bandages of John's arm, neck and shoulder and examined the wounds again. Teyla could see that the ones on his shoulder were red and inflamed. Shalise concurred.

"The scratches and abrasions on his arm and neck seem to be staying closed however the deeper ones on his shoulder appear to be infected. I will need to use more disinfectant deeper in the wounds."

They went to work opening a few stitches on his shoulder and pouring in more disinfectant. The contact of it had John's eyes popping open and a groan escaping from his mouth. He started to pull away from the pain and Teyla scrambled onto the bed and held him down as she uttered assurances to try to calm him.

"John, you must stay still. Shalise is cleaning your wound again. It has become infected and needs to have more disinfectant applied. I know it is painful but I also know you are quite strong and can handle the pain. And I am right here; you may hold my hand tightly if you need to. I will always be right here for you, John."

John's face scrunched up in agony as Shalise applied more of the liquid into his shoulder wound then patted it with a gauze cloth. He turned his head toward Teyla and tried to assure her he was fine. But the truth was, he wasn't fine. His shoulder had sharp, burning pain stabbing through it in spots, mostly where she was pouring the medicine and other locations were throbbing in a deep ache. His neck was tender and made it hard for him to move his head and when he tried to test out his fingers, he found he couldn't actually feel them.

Shalise was very intent on cleaning his wound and Teyla's anxious face gazed at him nervously so he decided he wouldn't say anything about the fingers quite yet. But he really hoped it was just a temporary thing. The thought of not having use of his right hand or arm was more than a little disconcerting. He tried to wiggle his fingers again but when he looked down at where his hand was resting, realized that they weren't actually moving. _Damn,_ he was hoping that maybe they were just numb and he couldn't feel them but that they _were_ actually working.

He squeezed Teyla's hand with the one of his that actually functioned right now and tried to smile. He didn't think it worked though because her eyes grew more concerned as she gazed back at him.

"I'll be fine, Teyla," John vowed, his words stilted. "I promise. You know me; I'll bounce back … in no time. Just need a little rest … and I'll be good as new." He took in a few deep breaths trying to control his moans of pain. "I sure wouldn't mind … some of the good drugs … from the infirmary about now, though."

Teyla gave a little chuckle that came out as more of a sob and John attempted to lift his hand so he could caress her face and wipe away the lone tear that had managed to escape from the corner of her eye. His hand slipped behind her neck and he pulled gently so her face was next to his then touched his lips to hers.

Teyla returned the light pressure and whispered softly into his mouth, "I love you, John."

John held the wince back that was trying to push its way forward and replied, "I love you more."

Teyla's hand caressed the side of his face as her lips roamed his. "That is not possible as I love you the most."

John did chuckle at this statement. "I think you took some … lessons from Rodney on being the best, huh?"

Teyla gave a genuine smile at this and pressed her lips to his again. John quickly forgot the pain in his shoulder as his lips and Teyla's moved over each other and they obviously forgot that Shalise was sitting right next to them tending John's wound; until she began to restitch the slashes that she had opened a few minutes ago.

John felt those even through the passion Teyla's mouth on his evoked. His eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched as he panted through his teeth. Teyla held his hand tight and hoped it gave him the strength he needed to get through the pain.

"Talk to me, Teyla," John requested and she knew he wanted to get his mind off the pain in his shoulder where Shalise was still stitching.

Teyla happily obliged and began telling him how Bessa had made some more clothes for Torren now that he had begun to get bigger. "I fear we will need to make him new outfits every few months. I am considering just putting him in a bag with holes for his head and arms. Perhaps he will not outgrow that so quickly."

She continued telling him of the gossip she had heard around town and John knew she was reaching for things to say to him as she was never one to involve herself in gossip. But he enjoyed hearing about the antics of several friends and their relationships and problems. But as she talked, he could feel himself drifting off. The room had gotten very hot yet his body was shivering. He knew that was a sign of a fever and his mangled arm was probably the culprit. He looked over and saw Shalise now reapplying bandages to it and he hoped it would be able to just heal now.

The shivers and heat continued to get worse though and John sunk into an unmindful stupor. Teyla saw that his attention was no longer with her but continued speaking, perhaps to keep her mind off what was happening. Shalise saw that John was out again and gazed with concern at her friend.

"Teyla, perhaps you should take a few minutes for yourself and go into the other room. You need to eat and keep yourself healthy or you will be no good to John or your son. I will stay here and tend to your husband."

Teyla looked torn but nodded agreement. She leaned down and kissed John's fevered head, whispering words of love to him. She then left the room and moved to wash up in the main room.

Kelina was sitting near the cradle, which had been moved from their bedroom to the main room, and was gazing down at Torren while he slept peacefully. Teyla sat in the chair next to them and also stared at her son.

Her eyes moved back to the opening of her bedroom door then back to Torren and horrible thoughts assaulter her mind. What if John did not recover? How would she live here without him? She was not concerned about being unable to survive as she contributed equally to the planting and hunting of food. Yet since she had been pregnant, John had taken over some of the more strenuous chores. She was slowly getting back to her old shape and knew she was still quite capable of the physical rigors that were needed on this world. But if John were not here, how would she do these things? She certainly could not take an infant hunting with her.

But more importantly how would she survive without John's love and warmth and encouragement. She did not wish to raise her son without a father. The thought of that was too painful to even endure. Yes, they had good friends here but she knew life without John would be extremely empty and lonely. He had such a hold on her heart that she felt if he were to perish, a part of that organ would be damaged for good.

She stayed in front of the main room fire and nibbled on some of the breakfast that Bessa had brought, only to keep up her strength, not for any reason of hunger. She spent the time quietly conversing with Finn, Bessa and Kelina and truly enjoyed their companionship. But after some time she heard moans coming from the bedroom and swiftly got up to investigate.

John's body was covered in perspiration and Shalise was digging in her bag and reaching for the powder that was used to control infections. It was this world's version of an antibiotic and Teyla knew it was effective in many instances. But she also knew it was not quite as potent as what they would have had on Atlantis.

Shalise turned to Teyla and instructed, "I need you to begin sponging him down with cool water. I need to mix this medicine into a form so he can ingest it. I will get Bessa in here to assist you."

Bessa came in and replaced the cool water and they both began to run cold clothes over John's overheated body. Shalise started mixing the correct amounts of powder with water in a glass and then got a spoon so she could slip it into John's mouth.

John was somewhat delirious and it took a while to get the whole glass down his throat. They had needed to get Finn in to hold John's shoulders up so he didn't choke while they did this. But Shalise also knew that the medicine did not always work in all cases and that it often took a great deal of time and many doses before it rid the body of the infection it had acquired.

This time Teyla could not be persuaded to leave John's side as his fever increased and his delirium continued to intensify. She stayed at his side, bathing his overheated body with a cool cloth and speaking to him in soothing tones. He wavered in and out of consciousness during this time and Teyla grew more concerned as his temperature rose.

Hours passed and John went through stages of profuse sweating then extreme chills where his body would be racked with tremors. Teyla and Shalise alternated between the cooling baths and covering him with a warm blanket although they knew the blanket would not help in ridding him of the fever. But his body would shake so with discomfort and he would complain of being cold that they gave in.

John was barely coherent during this time although he was not asleep. He continued to mumble and mutter nonsense and occasionally Teyla understood some of what he said. They were mostly words of Atlantis and people they knew there or his family at home and things that had happened. During this time she attempted to calm him with her words and voice and hoped he was at least a bit comforted by knowing she was with him at his side.

She took small breaks to feed Torren but if John was too agitated she did so in the main room as she did not wish for her child to be distressed at his father's pain and illness. She was sure that Torren was unaware of what had happened to John however he still had a connection to her and when she saw John in so much pain and discomfort it severely affected her, which in turn affected Torren.

The day grew long and Tenyse and Timnis returned along with Shuntar to escort his wife home. Shuntar had stayed for a short while to check on John but knew he would only be in the way when he saw how sick his friend had become. Tolden had come several times to check on his wife and bring her a change of clothes. Several other townsfolk had stopped by to deliver food and supplies for those who had been here helping. They did not stay, merely asked to be contacted if anything further was needed. And they left their good thoughts and prayers for the recovery of their friend.

Kelina and Finn had left but Zeth had come later, once evening had arrived, and after making sure the firewood was stacked enough to get through the night, he and Timnis sat down to play a card game. When Teyla walked through the main room after using the water closet, she stopped to gaze gratefully at her friends. She knew this was the night Timnis usually spent at the tavern and Zeth was often seen with Sarana most nights. But they were here instead, sacrificing for John.

She gave them all little kisses on their cheeks as she passed through and noticed that Shalise was resting in the baby's room for a short time. Her friend had spent most of the day working to get John's temperature down and Teyla was relieved to see that she had managed to get a few hours sleep since Tenyse had arrived. Luckily Torren was sleeping peacefully in his crib as well, leaving her a few moments to wash her face and hands and take a breath.

But as she wandered back to her room, she saw that John had started thrashing around on the bed. Tenyse was running the cloth over his forehead as she spoke soothingly to him but he didn't seem to hear her. His eyes were wide open and unfocused and his mumbling grew louder.

Teyla rushed to his side and climbed on the bed to hold him down. "John," she said calmly but firmly, "You are fine. You are here in your home and you need not worry. Please, you must calm down."

But Teyla could see that his eyes were frantic and he was reliving some terrible moment. His voice was now raised and he started yelling, half of his words incomprehensible. "No, no, don't! Please! Let her alone!" he begged the adversary in his mind and Teyla wondered if he was reliving their time in the slave cages. But his next words were mumbled and Teyla needed to press on his good shoulder to keep him from jarring his injury too much as he rolled about wildly.

He continued this way for far too long in Teyla's mind although he would occasionally drift into unconsciousness for short spurts and then come wide awake again with agonized cries. At one point he started calling her name and his voice sounded heartbroken and distant. Teyla was so exhausted, she could only lay her head on his chest and whisper, "I am here, John. I am here. I will not leave you, I promise."

John seemed to relax a bit at those words and Teyla actually slumbered for a short while. But it was not to remain that way. John again became agitated and his temperature seemed even warmer than it had been and Teyla could tell Shalise was quite nervous. She had administered another few doses of the medicine but it had yet to make any difference in John's condition.

This time his tremors were exacerbated with more flailing and when they tried to keep him on the bed, Shalise noticed that his shoulder wound had started to bleed heavily again. She backed off the bed to grab her bag and allowed Timnis and Zeth to hold John and keep him from injuring himself further. Teyla was completely spent from feeding Torren every three hours or so and comforting and cooling John so she had very little in reserve and Shalise knew the baby would need to be fed again within the next half hour.

"I need to mix the coagulating powder and apply it to his shoulder. He cannot continue to lose blood or he will have no chance of recovery whatsoever. Teyla, I know you are exhausted but can you cut the bandages off only his shoulder while I mix this compound?"

Teyla moved heavily but did as she was asked. She needed to keep talking to John as she did this as he was still frantic in his movements but the sound of her voice seemed to tame him somewhat. She could tell Timnis and Zeth were disturbed by the severity of John's condition but she had no strength left in her to comfort them as well. And how could she assure them that he would be all right when she still was trying to convince herself of that.

Teyla looked at John's shoulder wound and felt her stomach roll in queasiness at the sight. But she had to be strong and assist Shalise. Her friend had been working on much less sleep than Teyla and needed her help. And John needed her to be strong; was expecting her to be strong and so she would be.

Shalise approached the bed and warned, "When I put this compound on his wound it will be more painful than anything he's endured tonight. But it should keep the wound from opening back up. You will need to hold him very still until I can apply it heavily then bandage his shoulder again."

She looked at the two men holding John and asked if they were ready. They both nodded although apprehensively and Teyla crawled back on the bed by John's side to hold his hand and shoulder down and talk to him during the procedure.

"John, Shalise is about to apply a compound to your wound to help the bleeding stop completely. Your frantic movements have continued to reopen your wounds and she feels it is necessary for you to heal completely. But there will be much pain. You must try to keep from jostling your shoulder while she applies the paste. Please, John, you must try to be still."

John had continued to shudder and move while she was talking but Teyla sensed he could hear her and knew what she was saying as his hand tightened in hers and he momentarily looked in her eyes with comprehension. Teyla nodded her head to Shalise who started applying the creamy compound to John's swollen, red gashes.

Immediately John tensed up and his body arched up off the bed. Timnis and Zeth held him down as best they could but even they were amazed at the strength of the sick man on the bed. His mouth opened and short gasping sounds escaped as his eyes rolled back in his head. Teyla called his name and begged him to hold on.

"John! Stay here with us. You can do this. I know you are strong enough to endure this. Please, John."

John actually nodded his head slightly but harsher sounds erupted from him and the pain in the room was almost palpable. Teyla glanced at Timnis and Zeth and could see how uncomfortable they were but they were determined to help their friend

It took Shalise almost ten minutes to get the entire area covered smoothly and then she started to bandage the shoulder. John's screams had mellowed and he began sinking into a semi-conscious state. Teyla was unsure if this was a good thing or not. He would be free from the pain but would he eventually wake up?

His frantic movements had abated and his eyes drifted closed as Shalise finished her work. She checked his breathing and heart rate and knew there was not much more she could do for him. He would have to do the rest. They would continue to clean his wounds and slip the medicine in his mouth but she had no other remedy to try.

As John remained still, the others in the room stood and stared at him, wondering what they should do next. Shalise thanked them for their help and insisted they try to rest in the baby's room. They would perhaps be needed later.

Zeth quickly left with a last glance at John while Timnis added a few more logs to the fire in the room. Teyla was ready to collapse and simply sunk onto the bed beside her husband; his hand still clenched in hers.

Shalise sagged against the dresser behind her and said a little prayer to the Ancestors, hoping they would see fit to save one of their own.

Zeth brought one of the upholstered chairs into the bedroom and Shalise gratefully slid into its comfortable depths. She leaned her head against the side and watched, hoping that John would pull through. If he lasted through the night he perhaps had a chance. She saw Teyla move in closer to rest her head on John's good arm and knew her rest would be short lived as Torren would soon need to feed.

Sure enough Tenyse brought the fussy baby in twenty minutes later apologizing as she saw the exhausted woman lying on the bed. "I have tried to comfort him the best I can but he will not settle. I believe he is hungry."

Teyla roused herself enough to reach for her son and Tenyse bent over John's still body to rest the baby next to his mother. The woman gazed down at John and tears came to her eyes when she thought of all the cries of pain from him earlier that had echoed through the room. She lightly pressed the back of her hand to his forehead and was pleased that the burning fire that had coursed through his body earlier had eased slightly.

Teyla pulled Torren closer but could not find the energy to actually sit up. She undid her top and moved herself and the child so he was lying on his side with his mouth engaged. She smiled when she saw that he did not seem to mind the different position. After all, food was food, and he was hungry. She thought about food and realized that it had been far too many hours since she had actually eaten. But she had not felt as if she could put anything in her stomach and now she was too tired.

Her son continued to draw milk from her and she held him close with one hand while the other reached for John. He was unnaturally still and she watched carefully trying to see his chest rise and fall. It took a few moments where her heart almost stopped and her breath was held but she finally saw the slightly discernible motion and she breathed a sigh of relief. She just held out hope that John would continue to breathe as well.

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	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20

Chapter 20

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Finn let himself into John and Teyla's cottage early the next morning. Zeth had stumbled back home an hour ago saying that it had been a really rough night for John. His fever had gotten really high and Zeth and Timnis had needed to hold him down several times as he thrashed about and Shalise had worked to get him better. But once Shalise had applied the paste to his shoulder, the pain had caused him to pass out and he remained unconscious the rest of the night. Finn was hoping he would be much improved this morning.

He saw his wife on the settee in the main room and slipped past to allow her to continue resting. Timnis was on a pallet on the floor of the baby's room and so he quietly inched toward the other bedroom to peek in the door. Shalise was in the comfortable chair, her head leaning against the side and Teyla was sleeping curled into John, with the baby snuggly between them.

He stared at his friend, so still and deathly pale and wished there was something he could do to ensure he recovered. But he was no doctor and could do no more than Shalise had already attempted. He moved closer, looking for a sign that John was indeed still breathing and after a few moments he saw just the tiniest of movements of his chest up and down. He was alive and for now that was a good thing.

As he watched, the baby began to squirm and let out a small whine. Finn wasn't sure how long ago he had eaten but figured if he could give Teyla at least another few minutes to rest it would be a good thing. So he slipped his hands under the child and gently lifted him to rest on his shoulder.

He walked to the main room and began talking softly to the boy. He moved around the room explaining what all the little items were that they passed and he could feel the child relax against him. He knew he wasn't his father or mother but he was someone who cared for him and Finn thought he knew that and it was enough.

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Teyla felt slumber sliding away from her but attempted to grasp it again. There was some reason she needed to stay asleep; too much pain and anguish would assault her when she woke up. She sensed this and struggled to remain in the soft, warm blanket of sleep. But as awareness hit, so did her memories of what had transpired. John had been attacked by a jacktu and they had spent the last few nights helping him fight for his life.

She managed to open her eyes and felt the physical and emotional exhaustion hit her like a large wave from the ocean that John loved so much. She snuggled in closer to her husband and laid her head on his chest, listening for signs of life. When she heard his heartbeat and felt the slight rise and fall of his chest, relief spread through her.

She pushed herself up and looked around the room. Shalise was dozing on the chair near the bed. She was happy to see she had managed at least a bit. The woman had been a constant throughout the night and Teyla was immensely thankful for her medical knowledge and emotional support.

Teyla took a deep breath in as she remembered that she had fallen asleep with Torren lying next to her and John and he was no longer here. But then she heard the gentle, low voice of Finn in the main room and from the one-sided conversation, she could tell he was talking to Torren. As long as her son did not require food for now, she would let him remain with Finn.

She pressed her hand to John's forehead and was relieved that the fever that had raged through his body last night seemed to have abated somewhat. She hoped it did not return as she was unsure if John had the strength to combat it anymore. Even with his incredible tolerance for pain, the agony he had suffered while the wounds were being cleaned, disinfected and then having the coagulating paste applied, had sapped what little reserves he had left.

Her insides quaked and she felt tears well once again in her eyes as she gazed down at the man who held her heart. The past ten months had been filled with many things, good and bad. But the presence of John by her side had made all of it bearable. She knew she might have survived physically from all that had occurred but emotionally John had been a solid rock for her to stand on and cling to.

She thought of their son and how excited John had been for his birth. He had grabbed hold of fatherhood and embraced it with a mighty grasp. And his awe for their son had not diminished once the reality of how much work a baby was had sunk in. John had pitched in and reveled in caring for their son, showing Teyla the deep love John could not even try to hide.

She remembered John speaking of the future and all he would teach Torren. He was so proud of his son and constantly made vows to have a better relationship with Torren than he had managed with his own father. John was filled with excitement for all they could do when the boy got older and Teyla had always loved hearing her husband speak of these things.

Now she was not sure they would come true. If John was taken from them, Torren would have no memory of his father. He would not understand how much his father had loved and cherished him. And John would be robbed of the opportunity to see his son grow up. To see the simple things like his first day of lessons and his first crush on a girl. He would not see him married and have children of his own. And John would miss out on teaching Torren everything he had planned for him; teaching him how to swim, planting food for their meals and even teaching him how to cook better than his mother.

Teyla gave a strangled sob at that thought. Poor Torren would have to make do with her cooking for his whole life and she would not even have John to tease her about it. Tears began to fall in earnest at the thoughts of all John would miss and even more so at all Torren would be deprived of. Her shoulders heaved in desperation as she stared at the face of her beloved. The pallor of his face was eerily lifeless and he was so still. Teyla was not used to seeing him this way.

She had to keep pressing her ear to his chest to ensure he still lived. But his pulse was slow and his breathing barely discernible and she was afraid he would slip into the afterlife without anyone knowing. And she knew that would be fitting for John Sheppard. He did not seek or want attention drawn to him in any way during his life and so it might be for his death as well.

Teyla took a deep breath and dashed the tears from her cheeks and pushed her shoulders back. She had to get a grip on herself. She would be no good to John or their son if she fell apart. But as she watched and waited for his chest to barely rise and fall, despair and anguish overcame her and she lowered herself to John's chest once again and allowed herself to weep.

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Shalise came awake at the sobs that racked Teyla's body as she leaned into her husband's chest. Her heart broke at the anguish she heard from her friend and wondered if John had passed while she had dozed. She reached for his wrist that rested on the bed near her and felt a pulse. It was slow and weak but it was still there.

She eased out of the room and didn't think Teyla had even noticed she had left. Finn was in the main room walking the baby and Tenyse was just coming out of the water closet and moving to the sink to wash up and splash water on her face. She could see Timnis out cold in the baby's room. He had spent much time last night assisting with John and ensuring the fires stayed flaming enough to keep out the chill. He deserved some rest.

Shalise moved to sit wearily on the settee and Tenyse joined her. Finn ambled over to them and lowered himself into a chair across from them, the baby curled into his shoulder. His head jerked in the direction of the bedroom and gave a questioning look regarding Teyla's sobbing.

"He is still alive," Shalise assured them quietly so Teyla could not hear. "But I am not sure he will stay that way for long. His pulse is quite weak and his color is not good. He lost so much blood and was ravaged by the infection from inside. His fever was quite severe and I am afraid he did some damage to his shoulder while he struggled and was delirious. He is unconscious at the moment. I am not sure he will actually wake up. If he does soon, then I think he will have a better chance of surviving."

"He'll make it," Timnis' voice came from behind them and they looked up to see he had awoken and joined them. "He cannot be separated from Teyla for long. He will wake up for her and for his son."

The others nodded their heads and Timnis poked the logs in the fireplace then pulled a chair from the kitchen table along with a basket of food that one of the neighbors had dropped off yesterday. They passed it around the group and all partook of something from inside.

"We must get Teyla to eat something today as well," Tenyse insisted. "She barely touched anything yesterday and she will need her strength; for whatever comes to be."

They remained silent for many minutes until Torren began to fuss. Tenyse took him and changed his diaper then reluctantly went to the bedroom to hand him to Teyla for feeding.

Teyla was still resting on John's chest and her cheeks showed signs of her recent tears but they had temporarily stopped as her hand tangled in the chain around John's neck. She knew the chain was a symbol of his being a member of his world's military and so indicated he was a warrior. Tenyse felt renewed hope enter her. John was a warrior and so he would fight to stay with Teyla and Torren. She knew he would.

Teyla looked up as she approached the bed and Tenyse could see the weariness in her eyes. And she knew it was not from lack of sleep although that had most likely not helped in Teyla's struggles.

"Your son is hungry. I have changed his soiled bottom and Finn has told him some humorous anecdotes of his father falling in the river but now he needs to eat and you are the only one who is able to do that for him."

Teyla pulled herself up and leaned back against the head board. Tenyse moved around the bed and handed the infant to Teyla then sat on the end of the bed. As Teyla unbuttoned her top and Torren began to feed, Tenyse kept her gaze on her friend.

"You also need something to eat, Teyla. It has been far too long since you have had a decent meal. I plan on making a nice, hearty stew today but for now I will get you some bread and jam to get you through until the stew is ready."

"Thank you, Tenyse," Teyla got out barely above a whisper. "I do not know how to repay you for all you and so many others have done in the past two days. Your being here has allowed me to be with John at all times and not have to worry about Torren. I know he is in good hands when he is not by my side and that gives me comfort."

"You know I'd do anything for both of you, or now all three of you. I owe you more than I can ever repay so I feel this is just a small bit that we can do. But it is also what friends do for each other as well. And I am glad that I can call you friend, Teyla; both you and John."

Teyla's sad eyes glanced down at her motionless husband and she took in a deep, shuddering breath then let it out slowly. Shalise appeared in the doorway with a few pieces of bread that was spread with jam. She was also holding a cup of steaming liquid. She placed them both on the bedside table nearest to Teyla and instructed, "When you are done feeding your son you must also eat. One of us will take Torren and hold him or put him to sleep while you do so."

Teyla just nodded and continued to watch as her son fed. Once he was done and burped, Teyla placed him gently on the bed next to her and next to John. She took a few minutes to eat the bread and jam and drink the tea. It made her belly ache less but it did nothing for the ache in her heart. At times like these she truly missed the advanced medicine of the city. She had grown up in a place with much less knowledge than here but after having spent years on Atlantis and seeing all she had to offer, it was difficult when she knew there was something that could possibly save John but they had no access to it.

The morning turned to afternoon and the afternoon to evening and still John did not stir. Teyla spent most of her time curled up next to him whispering words of need and loved in his ear, hoping he could hear her and come back to her. But there was no response. She could see the worried looks of her friends as they came to check on both of them or bring Torren to be fed or changed. Teyla had only left John's side to wash up or use the facilities.

The main room remained fairly quiet and once it got late and friends had come and gone in replacement Teyla allowed herself to feel sorrow once again. She knew the longer John remained unconscious, the less chance there was of his actually ever waking. Her sobs were soft but they shook her body anyway. Torren, sensing her distress, began to fuss as well.

Teyla did not have the energy to offer him comfort so merely lifted him to rest on top of John's chest, hoping the feel of his father's skin and the sound of his heartbeat, would sooth him. It was the only thing that had gotten _her_ through the day.

But Torren would not be soothed and continued to whine until it was a full blown cry. Teyla listened to him for a few minutes then knew she would need to feed him or at least hold him. He would wake the others in the main room and she knew they were as tired as she was.

But as she pulled herself wearily into a sitting position and attempted to get comfortable, she saw John's left hand lift and begin to stroke Torren's back. She thought the exhaustion was making her see things but then she heard his voice, weak and raspy but definitely his, whispering to his son.

"Shh, Pal, it's okay. I'm right here. Right here, not going anywhere."

Teyla's insides clenched and tears sprang to her eyes at the sight and sound of John, his voice growing stronger as he calmed the baby. Teyla reached over and touched his forehead and ran her hands through his hair.

"John!" Her voice shook with relief and her sobs were now filled with happy sounds of laughter. "You are awake."

She saw her husband's eyelids lift slowly then close again, but a few seconds later they opened once more and he gave her his charming, crooked smile and said, "Hey."

Teyla moved her head down to his and touched his forehead to hers. "It is good to see those beautiful eyes again, John. I feared we might not ever again."

"Hey, Teyla, no," John said soothingly to her this time but continued to run his hand over Torrens' back. "I'm okay. I'm gonna be fine. Can't … get rid of me… that easily."

"You have been asleep for over a day, John" Teyla explained. "And you were very ill with fever and infection before that. We were all very worried about you."

"All?" John slurred, still not fully awake.

"Yes," Teyla nodded. "All our friends. They have been taking turns here caring for you and for me and for Torren. They have kept the firewood stocked and the fires going and have provided food and care for the last few days."

"I'm sorry, Teyla," John apologized weakly. "I should've …"

"John," Teyla called his name and chastised him. "You saved my life and our son's life and almost sacrificed your own. Why should you be sorry for that? But you are awake now and you will recover. And it will all be well again."

John just nodded and his eyes drifted shut again. But he continued to move his hand over Torren's back so Teyla knew he had not become unconscious again. When Torren began to whine yet again, John began whispering to him once more. Teyla knew he was hungry though and lifted him from John's chest reluctantly. It had seemed as if it had been Torren's cries that had resulted in John waking up and she did not want him back to the way he had been for the last day.

Teyla undid her top and placed the baby at her breast and was comforted to see John attempt to turn his head to watch. She scooted around so she was facing him and fed their son so John could see. John moved his hand so it was resting on Teyla's knee.

As Torren suckled, she heard noise from the doorway behind her and then Tim's voice reprimand, "It's about time you woke up, John. I've been stoking your fires and chopping your wood for a few days now and I'm getting pretty tired of it. You are gonna owe me a big one, my friend."

John just smiled, Teyla figured it was all he had strength for, then managed to answer, "Thanks, Tim. I'll definitely … owe you one. I appreciate it, really."

Teyla turned her head to see Tim wink at John and say, "Don't you forget it." And he left the doorway.

Shalise came in a few moments later and did a cursory exam on John. "Well, your heart rate is getting back to normal and your color is actually starting to improve. You aren't as pasty white as you were before. And the infection on your shoulder even looks like the swelling might be going down."

She peeked again under the bandages and remarked. "It looks like we finally got the bleeding to completely stop as well. Maybe the last day sleeping did you some good."

John again only managed a weak smile. Shalise did not expect much more. The man had been through quite an ordeal and it was truly a miracle that he had survived this long. But she felt the worse was over and now that his fever had subsided and the infection seemed to be under control, his chances had significantly increased.

Shalise dug in her bag and brought out the antibiotic powder and began to mix a dose. She brought it to John and said, "I need you to drink this, John. It has been working to combat the infection that rages inside your wound. It seems to be working but I would like to continue for a few more days until I know the infection has been completely destroyed."

John nodded and attempted to lever himself up but he found that his right side wasn't really working at all. He then remembered that he hadn't been able to move his fingers right after the accident had happened and he began to worry again. He had hoped that a day or so of resting had cured that little problem but apparently it was a little bigger than he thought.

Shalise moved near John and assisted him in sitting up a bit while Teyla propped some more pillows behind his head and back. Then Shalise lifted the glass to his mouth and helped him to drink. When John had gotten it all down, Shalise helped ease him back on the pillows and saw that he was shaky and sweating from just that small movement.

"I think you're going to have to take things slow for a while, John," Shalise informed him. "No morning runs for you until you've got a bit more strength. Can you deal with that?"

John grinned at the thought that he could even get out of bed never mind go for a run but he played along. "You got it. I'll hold off on the runs ... for at least a few days."

"Good," Shalise smiled back. "Now how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," John shrugged off in his typical fashion. Both Teyla and Shalise snorted at that thought although Teyla was hardly surprised. John did not like to admit that he had any pain or weakness even when he had much.

Shalise glared at him and asked again, "John, I need you to be honest with me about your level of pain and any other symptoms you feel."

John looked over at Teyla who now had Torren draped on her shoulder. "Okay, truthfully, I feel like crap. I can barely keep my eyes open and my shoulder feels like it's been ripped off. It hurts like hell from my neck down to my elbow but I uh, .."

John had trailed off at this and Shalise narrowed her eyes. "And what, John? There is something else you are not telling me."

John looked down at his immobile hand and sighed. "My arm. I can't actually move it. I keep trying to wiggle my fingers but they don't seem to be doing anything."

Teyla saw that John was really nervous about this. And she could completely understand why. In his job, the mobility of your arm was vitally important for flying and holding a weapon. But where they were here, it was also important in doing the daily tasks as well. Gardening, hunting, cooking and even holding and changing Torren were activities that required the use of both hands. She looked up at Shalise with concern in her eyes also.

Shalise picked up John's right hand and pinched it hard. John winced and complained, "Ow, what'd you do that for?"

"You have feeling in the hand, John. That is a good thing. There was extensive damage to the shoulder and arm from the jacktu. I attempted to stitch up as much as I could however there appeared to be muscle and tendon damage as well. Because of this and the swelling that would have occurred from the infection, I believe you will be unable to use your hand for some time; perhaps a few weeks or more. I actually think we should stabilize your entire arm to keep it from moving too much to allow the inner healing as well as the outer healing."

John looked only slightly relieved. "So you're saying that I'll eventually be able to use it though, right?"

"I am hopeful of that," Shalise waffled. "I cannot say for certain. But I do believe attempting to use the torn muscles and tendons before they have a chance to heal themselves would just increase your risk of having the damage become permanent. In a few weeks time, you will need to begin slow movements and some exercises to regain full mobility."

"Physical Therapy," John filled in. "Yeah, I've done that before. So I just need to be patient. I hope you're right."

Shalise didn't comment but pulled out some strips of fabric and began to bind John's arm to his chest so it would not be jostled or moved accidentally. When she was done she asked if there was anything else he needed for now. Even though he had been out for over a day, she thought he should get some rest.

John made a pitiful face and asked, "Can I get some food? I'm starving."

Shalise chuckled and Teyla smiled as well. "Yes, I will get you some. You should probably start with something small so you do not overload your stomach after not having anything in it for the last two days. I will heat a small portion of the stew broth that Tenyse made and bring it to you shortly."

She moved to the dresser and picked up the small plate that was resting there and placed it on the bed near Teyla. "For now you may have one of these rolls. It should hold you until the stew is warmed."

"Thanks," John breathed out and slid his hand across the sheets to reach for the roll. Teyla lifted the plate to move it closer and John grabbed at the roll and brought it quickly to his mouth, enjoying the taste.

John chewed the first bite then realized his mouth was extremely dry. He looked at Teyla and hesitantly asked, "Could you possibly get me something to drink. My mouth feels like it's got sawdust in it. Too long asleep, I guess."

Teyla lowered Torren to lie beside John and kissed the baby's head. Then she kissed John's head. "Of course, I will be right back. Please watch our son until I return."

John nodded and Teyla was back in less than a minute with a glass of cold water. She handed it to John but his hand started to shake as he tried to hold the glass and Teyla reached out to help him get it to his mouth.

After he took a few sips, he let Teyla take the glass and snorted in disgust. "I can't even feed myself. I'm sorry, Teyla, what kind of help am I gonna be with the baby in this condition. That so isn't fair to you."

"You are alive, John," Teyla pointed out. "And so are Torren and myself. You risked your life to ensure that we were not harmed and your sacrifice was extremely brave and unselfish. Would it have been more fair if you were taken from us? Then we would not have you here to assist at all. For now you are still able to rub Torren's back and assure him with your voice that you are with him. And you are still here to wrap at least one arm around your wife to show her how much you care about her and provide her with emotional support when she needs it."

John let out a huge breath and reached for Teyla's hand and squeezed it tight. He then pulled with what little strength he had so she rested against his side, Torren tucked between them. "I'll do what I can, Teyla, to give you support. I take it maybe you need a little right now."

"It has been a very stressful few days. There were times that it seemed as if you might not awaken from your sleep." Teyla's voice cracked a bit at this admission and John wrapped his good arm tighter around her. He then leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere, Teyla. You and Torren are the most important things in my life and it would take a lot more than some animal attacking to make me leave you."

Teyla breathed a very large sigh of relief and settled more firmly against John, her eyes closing without worry for the first time in two days. John felt her relax against him and knew it would be hard for a while. But he would do what he could. But one thought came to him and he grinned as he whispered in Teyla's ear.

"I guess I won't be changing any diapers for while, though. That's too bad. You know how much I really enjoyed that chore."

He thought Teyla had drifted off but realized she hadn't when he felt her elbow dig into his side.

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Captain Harris finished his last check of the structure they had just disassembled for the people of Detaron. They had asked for help from Atlantis when several of their people had been trapped inside after an earthquake. Atlantis had been trying to get a trading agreement with these people for a while and so had sent some combat engineers to assist.

He turned around and signaled for his men to pack up and get ready to leave. He looked back at his data pad to log in the equipment they'd used. They'd gotten a new CO just a few weeks ago to replace Barrows and this new one didn't seem to be any better. And he was fanatical about logging in every little screw or nail that was used during a mission. Carter was frustrated with him already and was pretty sure he wouldn't stay any longer than Barrows had.

He had just finished the last entry when he felt eyes on him from somewhere. He turned quickly and saw a tall, trim man eyeing him from the side of a nearby building. When the man saw him look that way, he checked the area then approached.

"You are from Atlantis, are you not?" the man asked Harris and Harris nodded.

"I need you to deliver a message for me. My name is Jarik and I work for the Masters Torqueo and Scelestus. You must tell your Major Lorne that I need to meet with him. Unfortunately it took me far too long to locate someone from Atlantis during my off time. Tell him to meet me on this world, right here in twelve days time. I will not be able to get away again until then."

"And why should I tell him these things?" Captain Harris asked skeptically wondering who this guy was.

Jarik looked around nervously again. "Tell him I have news about his people. Tell him that the information I gave him before was a lie."

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	21. Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21

Chapter 21

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"John, what are you doing?" Teyla demanded as she walked into the house after a quick trip to Finn and Tenyse's. John was sitting on the settee with Torren in his left arm and she could see his right arm had been pulled out of the sling he was supposed to have it in. It hadn't even been two weeks since John had been attacked by the jacktu and they had almost lost him. Shalise had wanted him to keep the sling on for a good amount of the day to allow the shoulder and all the muscles and tendons that had been damaged to heal properly.

He had been allowed to remove it and do a few light exercises over the past few days but she still did not want him lifting anything heavy. And as Torren was now about seven weeks old he weighed a bit more than Shalise wanted him to pick up. Teyla put down the basket of food that she had gotten from her friends and shook her head at John.

She knew he felt useless and hated that she was left with all the responsibility of getting their food and cooking it as well. And she was still needed to feed Torren every few hours and rock him to sleep. But here he was sitting with Torren in his lap when she knew the baby had been in his cradle when she left. She had been less than a half hour and figured Torren would probably sleep for that time until she returned. Apparently he hadn't.

John gave her that crooked smile that always made her heart flutter wildly. "He was crying. You know I hate to hear him cry. And I'm right here so I just picked him up. It's not a big deal, Teyla. I didn't drop him. You know I wouldn't have even tried if I thought I couldn't do it."

Teyla removed her leather coat that she had finally squeezed herself back into now that she was getting a bit more exercise. And the cold spell had finally broken and the weather was warming up a bit. She was hoping to get both John and Torren outside very soon. She knew John was beginning to go stir crazy as she had done during Torren's first month.

She walked over to the settee and sat next to John giving him a disapproving glare. "You know Shalise does not want you lifting anything too heavy, John. The outside wounds may have closed but you still have much damage that was done beneath the surface."

John lifted his damaged right arm, relieved at least that he had been able to start moving it. It had taken a few days for the swelling to go down but after it had, he'd been wiggling his fingers as much as possible. Just to remind himself that he could.

"I lifted him mostly with my left arm," John defended himself. "I only used the right to keep him tucked in my arms. But look at that face. How can you refuse that little face anything?"

Teyla rolled her eyes but then lowered her face to kiss their son's nose and he could see that she completely understood. She was as much in love with this kid as he was. You couldn't dispute that fact.

"So TJ and I were talking while you were gone," John began and Teyla chuckled and smirked.

"You and … TJ …were talking? And what did he say? I am curious as to his method of communication."

John's crooked smile got a bit more twisted as he replied, "It was man talk. You wouldn't understand. You're a girl."

John actually flinched waiting for Teyla to swat at him but she just narrowed her eyes and took a deep breath so John continued. "So we were thinking that you've been doing just about everything for both of us for the past few weeks and even longer for him. And we thought you must be tired so we were thinking today we wanted you to take a nap when we do."

John hated the fact that he _needed_ to take a nap. But truthfully he still didn't have anywhere near his regular strength back again. Shalise said it had something to do with his blood loss and that once his body could restore what he'd lost, then he would start feeling better. Until then he was a bit anemic and therefore very tired all the time. But he knew Teyla was just as tired and she was trying to hide it better than he could.

"That is very sweet of both of you," Teyla smiled genuinely at her husband then at her son. "But there is far too much to do for me to be able to take that kind of a break, especially if you wish to eat tonight."

"Well, I already scaled and cut up the fish. I put it in the cooler and it just needs some herbs and bread crumbs added. And those are already mixed together and just need to be sprinkled on top."

"When did you do all this?" Teyla asked perplexed. She could not have been gone more than a half hour. "You should not be taxing your shoulder."

"I barely moved the shoulder and Torren only started crying a few minutes ago. I did the fish as soon as you left and I actually mixed the herbs and bread crumbs together when you were in your shower this morning. I guess you didn't notice the little bowl with the mixture sitting next to the sink. "

"No, I did not." Teyla responded then looked around the cottage. The place was fairly tidy and the vegetables didn't need much more than to be thrown in boiling water and cooked. Perhaps she could lie down and get a short rest while John and Torren did. Of course she would have to feed Torren first.

John saw when Teyla decided that she would indeed take a rest with them and smiled. She really needed this, even if it was just a short nap. She was still up many times in the night feeding the baby and now he couldn't even get the baby for her or change his diaper. And as much as he had joked about not having to change diapers, he really didn't mind too much. Well, except maybe when he had a really nasty poop and it got all over the place. That he _did_ mind.

But he had gotten through even that, knowing he was helping Teyla. Now she had to help _him_ and all too often. He hadn't even gotten out of bed for the first three days except to use the bathroom and then she had needed to assist him in walking. He'd finally gotten a shower a few days ago and they had needed someone to watch Torren while Teyla brought him in and helped him with that, too. It had been pitiful. _He_ had been pitiful.

But in usual Teyla fashion she hadn't complained once. But he could see the tired circles under her eyes and she had definitely lost weight. He knew she would be thrilled at that but he hated the reason behind her weight loss; that she was waiting on him.

They sat companionably for a while with Torren in his arms, talking about general things. Teyla filled him in on what had been going on in town. She told him everyone had been asking how he was and she had told them he was recovering nicely.

"I also told them you were going crazy being inside. I hope you do not mind but several people asked if they could come visit and I told them that would be fine. I thought you would be happy to have visitors."

"Absolutely," John agreed. "It's not like I even have a TV or video game to watch or play. My only decent entertainment is watching you feed TJ."

Teyla smiled at this. "Fenid was also wondering if you would feel well enough to continue looking at that piece of Ancestor technology you were examining when I went into labor," Teyla said. "I told him perhaps tomorrow in the late morning. That seems to be a time when you have a bit more energy. Is it fine that I told him this?"

"Yeah," John's eyes lit up as he recalled the shoebox sized metal gadget. "I didn't get a chance to figure out exactly what it did but I think it may have been some kind of recording device. I'd like to look at it again and actually get it working if I can. Thanks, Teyla."

John twisted a bit to try and get his right hand up to touch her arm. Torren was still leaning happily against his left. He gave a small wince as he finally got it to touch her, then ran it up to her face.

"Thank you for everything you've done over the past two weeks," John breathed out sincerely. "I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here. Well, I do know I wouldn't _be here_ if you hadn't come out and kicked the crap out of that jacktu. He was pretty intent on having me for a little snack. Not sure I ever thanked you for saving my life."

"But you saved my life and our son's by keeping the animal occupied while we got safely inside. So I believe we are even on that account. And you know I would do anything for you, John. I love you."

John grinned as he leaned in to touch his lips to hers. "I love you more."

"But I love you the most," Teyla replied with a big smile of her own.

John chuckled at the little phrases they'd gotten in the habit of saying lately. But Teyla usually got the last word since she was more likely to say ' _I love you'_ first. He thought maybe he should do something about that but talking about his feelings and emotions was still such a difficult thing for him. But he would try harder; Teyla deserved it. And this way _he_ could be the one to have the last word.

A short time later Torren began his typical _'I'm hungry'_ fuss and Teyla scooped him out of John's arms and said she would feed him in the bedroom knowing he would go down for his long nap right after. And this would be when John and Teyla could rest also.

John eased himself off the couch gingerly, trying not to look pained when he moved his shoulder. Most of the scratches and bite marks had pretty much healed over but the muscles and tendons were still in need of coddling. He really hated the weakness but knew it would just take time. The shoulder felt better every day and so he had faith that it would continue to heal until it was completely back to normal. Shalise was encouraged by his recovery and even Dr. Valetudo had given him a complete physical and seemed pleased at his progress.

John moved into the bedroom seeing Teyla already placing Torren at her breast. He climbed on the bed beside her and relaxed against the pillows, attempting to stay awake until Torren was done. He had a sneaking suspicion that Teyla might try and get out of taking the nap with them if he fell asleep before she laid down. Unfortunately he was extremely tired and his eyes kept closing and his head started to droop.

But he'd stayed alert enough that when Teyla had finished burping their son, John roused enough to say, "Why don't you let him sleep right here with us for this nap."

"You will spoil him, you know, John," Teyla accused. "And then we will always need to allow him to sleep with us. I do not think that would be conducive to some of the nightly activities you might have in mind once you are fully recovered."

"Nightly activities?" John quipped as he pulled Teyla to lie down on the pillows next to him, Torren still between them. "Hmm, now I wonder what you could possible mean by that."

John was lying on his left side as it still hurt too much to rest on his injured side but he tried to lift his right hand to Teyla's head and he slipped it behind her neck and gave a tiny tug. She took his hint and scooted closer until their lips were touching.

"Something like this maybe," John wondered out loud and his lips closed in on hers and moved softly over them like a soft, gentle breeze. Teyla let out a small moan of pleasure and returned the caresses with pressure of her own. After a few minutes of soft and gentle, John pulled on Teyla's head a bit more and ran his tongue over her lips, inviting hers for a more intimate exploration. Teyla accepted gladly and let her tongue come out to investigate as well.

Their mouths moved rapidly and passionately over the other and soon breathing was heavy and tongues fought for dominance. John finally pulled away slightly, knowing there was no way he would be able to follow through on anything much more than this today. Plus they had Torren still sleeping soundly between them.

Teyla moved her head and continued to nibble on John's lower lip and John allowed it but continued to take deep breaths to calm himself from the desire that was threatening to run rampant through him. Teyla's passion had cooled also and she was merely pressing her lips to John's, enjoying any contact she could get. It had been far too long since she had felt desire. And having a newborn had not helped any in that department.

"Okay," John admitted. "I can see where there might be times when we don't really want him in bed with us, although I guess right now it's fine since we all need to get some rest. Maybe we can pick up that whole kissing thing a little later though. I kind of felt like a teenager in the back seat of a car, knowing someone," and he looked down at their son, "might catch us at any time."

Teyla chuckled softly so as not to wake Torren up. "Yes, I enjoyed it as well. I would very much like to take you up on your suggestion. For now though, I suppose we should rest. Torren is asleep and we should not waste any of his sleeping time by not resting ourselves."

John thought of when he finally felt well enough to handle getting intimate again and knew then he'd rather spend Torren's nap time in a very different way. He gave Teyla a smoldering glance and could tell she knew what he was thinking.

He leaned in close and nipped at her lips. "Get some rest. He'll be up again before you know it." He gave her one last kiss and said, "I love you, Teyla."

Teyla smiled and he could tell she was thrilled that he had said it first. And of course she replied, "I love you more."

John grinned when he had the satisfaction of saying, "I love you the most." He had finally gotten the last word. He better enjoy it, he knew it wouldn't happen very often.

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"What are the chances this is a trap?" Rodney nervously asked Lorne as they walked toward the rendezvous point to meet this guy Jarik.

"There's always a chance of that," Lorne replied and motioned for the two Marine units to cover the perimeter and check for signs of possible ambushes. Lorne, Ronon and Rodney continued on. "But Harris described this guy as the one we saw on that planet where we found the TAC vests. And Jarik was the name of the one who said that he had seen Sheppard and Teyla killed."

"So he lied to us about Sheppard and Teyla being dead," Ronon snarled. "Which means they're still alive."

"He said he lied," Rodney pointed out. "He didn't say about what. He could have lied when he said that _he_ wasn't the one to kill them. Maybe he was."

"That'd be pretty stupid to go to all the trouble of finding someone from Atlantis just to confess that _he_ was the one to kill them, especially after seeing Ronon's reaction when he first told us. And he'd have to know I'd bring Ronon with me. Nah, that doesn't make sense. But you do have a point, Dr. McKay; he didn't say what he lied about. He could have lied just to get us to come here and meet with him."

The three men continued to the meeting spot and looked around. A few buildings were in bad shape after the earthquake but many were still standing, hiding all sorts of possibilities. But after only a few minutes there, they saw Jarik come out from between two buildings and walk toward them.

"Thank you for coming," Jarik greeted them briefly. "I wasn't sure if you would. I've been trying to find someone from Atlantis for a while but not many people know how to contact you and you don't have a very big presence on worlds for any length of time."

"What did you want to see us about?" Lorne got straight to the subject. "You told Harris that you lied to us. What exactly did you lie about?"

Jarik took a deep breath. "Your friends, they weren't really killed by any of the guards. They managed to make it through the ring of the Ancestors. We only said they were killed because the Masters would have killed us if they knew we allowed them to escape. If we said they had tried to kill us as well, we were a bit safer."

"So, they're alive?" Ronon confirmed his heart speeding up at the thought. But he also was more than confused at to why Sheppard and Teyla hadn't contacted Atlantis. Even if they didn't have GDO's they could have gone to any number of worlds that had the ability to contact the city. Something else had happened and he wanted to know what.

"They were when they went through the ring with Tenyse," Jarik verified. "I don't know where they went though. I figured they must have gone back to Atlantis but when you came and said they were still missing I knew they hadn't. But I have no idea where they went unless they went to the world Tenyse was from."

"And where was she from?" Lorne asked wondering about this woman they had helped escape and what she could possibly have had to do with Sheppard and Teyla's disappearance.

"I have no idea. I never really talked to her that much. But Palita knew. She was the older woman whom you freed from the Masters. Palita and Tenyse were very friendly."

"And you wouldn't happen to know where this Palita was from, would you?" McKay asked sarcastically, thinking they were getting nowhere. He was more than thrilled that Sheppard and Teyla hadn't been killed on the world where they'd been held as slaves but they were still no closer to finding out what did actually happen to them. And this guy didn't seem to know much of anything other than that they had still been alive when they went through the gate.

"Yeah, Palita was from Yomca. I'd done some trading on that world for a while before I began working for the Masters."

"Yomca," Ronon repeated, nodding his head. He'd heard of the place and had met a few people from there, though he'd never been himself.

Lorne looked at Jarik curiously and asked, "So why did you suddenly decide to let us have this information now?"

"I couldn't tell you while the Masters were standing right there. I wouldn't have been allowed to leave the house alive. But your friends fought bravely and never accepted their fate and the man showed a great deal of decency, which he certainly didn't have to do in the situation."

McKay looked at him puzzled. "What situation are you talking about?"

"The day they escaped," Jarik began, "it took three men to tie your friend down to the bed for the twins. They had a habit of amusing themselves with their mother's slave while their parents were gone. But even secured as he was, he found a way to escape and bind the hands of the twins. But before he went, he covered them in robes so they were not found completely undressed. After what they must have done to him, I don't understand his kindness. But I think actions like that speak for a man's character and I have respect for his. I hope you find them. I did not wish for you to continue thinking they had been killed on our world."

McKay tried to swallow the lump in his throat at the reminder of what John and Teyla had gone through. But now they had a name of a planet, Yomca, where this woman would hopefully have the name of the planet they had possibly gone to. Oh, it was all too much to hope for. It could just be more dead ends and they'd go back to never knowing what had befallen their friends.

Lorne shook hands with the man and offered, "If you ever decide to leave your current position, we could probably help you find something a little less abhorrent. Let us know. You can contact the administrator on this world. They have information on how to reach us."

Jarik let go of Lorne's hand and nodded his head. "I just might do that. Thank you. Good luck in your search."

As they watched the man walk away, Ronon narrowed his eyes and said, "You think he's telling us the truth?"

Lorne shrugged his shoulders. "He didn't seem to have any hidden agenda although you can never tell what people are thinking. I guess for now we go and see if we can figure out where this Yomca is and see if we can find this woman Palita. Hopefully she can give us the information we're looking for."

"Do you think this other woman, Tenyse, who Sheppard and Teyla helped escape, had something to do with their disappearance. I still don't get why they didn't somehow get in contact with someone who had the ability to get a message to us. It doesn't make sense."

"I know, Dr. McKay but let's get back to Atlantis and find this Yomca so we can continue this search. We at least know that Sheppard and Teyla could possibly still be alive."

As they walked to the gate, Lorne hope they really were still alive. He knew there was also a possibility that something had happened and they'd been killed elsewhere without their knowing. There were _quite a few_ different possibilities unfortunately. But he also knew he, Ronon and Rodney wouldn't stop looking until they had exhausted all those possibilities and found what had happened to Sheppard and Teyla.

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"Hey! I found it!" Rodney yelled from his station in the control room. "The Ancient pronunciation of the planet is a tiny bit different but I'm pretty sure it's the same place. It can't hurt to check anyway."

Sam Carter, Lorne and Ronon all rushed to his side then looked up at the overhead screen he was displaying the coordinates on.

As they waited for the grid to display, Lorne thought about all they'd gone through in the last few weeks. It had taken a few days to get the address for Yomca and then even more days to actually find this woman Palita, as her planet had thousands of people on it.

Luckily she had remembered them and had been overjoyed to help them out. She had insisted they spend a meal with her and her family in thanks for freeing her from her slavery. She had also been thrilled to hear that Tenyse had gotten away through the ring and had not been killed.

She had told them that Tenyse was from a planet called Dimitta and that the planet had been lucky enough to have avoided the Wraith for many generations. The town by the gate had been culled and destroyed hundreds of years ago and the other inhabitants had moved very far from the gate in hopes they wouldn't get taken again.

But none of their allies had ever heard of Dimitta. Rodney had been scouring the database for any sign of this planet and it looked like he had finally found something.

"Wow! This place is practically on the edge of the galaxy. Much further out and it might not fit on our mapping grid. No wonder the Wraith hadn't visited in a while. It's not really on the way anywhere. They'd have to go pretty far out of their way to get to this planet."

"How do we know it's the planet this Tenyse is from?" Ronon played devil's advocate.

"We don't," Rodney snipped back. "But we can certainly send a MALP through and see what's there, right?"

"Let's get that done, then," Carter suggested. "McKay, do you have an address for this Dimitta?"

Rodney nodded triumphantly and Carter signaled for a MALP to be readied.

Thirty minutes later they were watching telemetry as the MALP arrived on Dimitta. Several large boulders and many trees surrounded the gate and they pushed the probe a bit further to get a better lay of the land.

"Look," McKay pointed at the big screen in front of them. "You can see a village between those trees. Can we get the MALP to get a little closer to them and focus in between?"

Chuck tapped his fingers and a close up came into view. A disheartened sigh was heard from the group when they saw the town was decimated and probably had been for years if not centuries.

"Wait," Lorne held up his finger. "Palita said that Tenyse had told her the people of this planet had moved pretty far from the gate for safety, remember?"

"Yeah," Ronon grunted. "So let's go and get Sheppard and Teyla and bring them back."

Carter became the voice of reason. "Rodney, what are the sensors telling you?"

"Everything's within normal limits."

"Wait," a new gate tech said as she stood and walked near the screen. "Move the camera a bit to the right. It looks like there's something attached to that tree."

Ronon looked down at the woman who he remembered was named Amelia. She'd only been here for a short time but he knew she was well thought of already.

Chuck panned the camera in the indicated direction and they all saw what Amelia had noticed. There was definitely something hanging on the side of the tree where some bark had been scraped off. The camera zoomed in even closer.

"Holy Crap!" McKay yelled and everyone felt the same reaction. Nailed to the tree was a dog tag. Not a set, just one and it wasn't on a chain, but it was indisputably a United States Military dog tag.

"Can you get in even closer?" Lorne asked Chuck and within seconds they could all make out the name _John Sheppard_ engraved on the metal.

"Yes!" Rodney almost screamed as his hopes, that had been dashed so many times over the past 12 months, soared once more. He looked around and saw that everyone in the control room was slightly blurry and he knew he didn't need glasses so wondered what was wrong. Then he felt a small drop on his face and realized that a tear had escaped. He leaned down to look at the computer and surreptitiously brushed it away. But the relief was so strong it took a few more minutes before he could straighten back up to face everyone again.

Ronon saw Rodney's face turn all red and he knew exactly how the man felt. He'd never let anything show but he could feel his heart hammering in his chest with such a rhythm he wondered if it wouldn't jump right out. He wanted to just run down to the gate room and through the gate but knew Carter would have a fit if he didn't follow protocol. And he knew Sheppard would lambaste him about that as well. So he pulled out all the control he had and said, "When can we go through and find them?"

Carter's smile lit her face at the first solid evidence of Sheppard and Teyla still being alive. "Can we get any more information from the MALP? And is there something scratched under the dog tag?"

They all looked close and Chuck moved the MALP even closer and zoomed and focused again. They saw some letters gouged in the wood, although it looked like it had been done a while ago, perhaps a year?

"Ambulo biduo?" Lorne read. "What the heck does that mean?"

"It's Latin," Sam and McKay said simultaneously then Rodney finished. "It essentially means two days walk. Sheppard must be telling us that he and Teyla are two days walk from the gate."

"Why Latin?" Lorne asked perplexed.

Rodney smirked. "Sheppard and I once had a conversation about the Wraith and how they may have managed to learn some of our written language. He suggested if we ever needed to leave a message we didn't want them to read, we should leave it in another language like Latin. Personally I was kind of surprised that Sheppard even knew Latin."

"Then let's go if it's gonna take us two days to get to them," Ronon growled, not caring what language the words were in. He had waited so long to find his friends and now that they were so close he hated the idea that it would be another two days before they could even reach them.

She knew Ronon wanted his friends back but she still hesitated. "There must be some reason John and Teyla haven't come back to Atlantis or gotten in touch with us. I don't imagine they just decided to start living on another planet and forget all about the city and their friends."

"The DHD," Rodney snapped his fingers. "Did we see one when the MALP was looking around?"

Chuck tapped his keyboard until the camera swiveled to see the dialing device. He moved the probe in that direction and checked out the piece of equipment from all sides. It seemed intact but Rodney told him to hold the camera as it panned the back.

"Look, the back panel has a bunch of scratches on it like someone kept prying it off. There must be something wrong with it. So, I'll just take my trusty tool box with me and fix it while someone walks the two days to get John and Teyla."

Lorne chuckled at how easily McKay had found a way to get out of all the walking that needed to be done. But he also knew the man was right. They couldn't take a chance that the DHD was broken.

"Colonel," Lorne suggested, "I think it would be a good idea if we left soon, maybe timing our arrival at day break so we can get as much daylight walking as we can. McKay, can you figure out what the sun's rotation is on that planet from the MALP."

Rodney rolled his eyes like it was a silly question. "Can I …?" He got to work with his data pad and had the information within minutes.

Sam smiled and turned toward Lorne. "Take Ronon, Rodney and maybe another Marine to stay with McKay while he's working on the gate and you two can take the hike to see if you can locate Sheppard and Teyla. We'll dial in again a few minutes after you arrive so McKay can let us know if he'll need extra supplies to fix the DHD. Then we'll check back every few hours. Use long range communication so you can talk to Rodney when you finally locate John and Teyla."

She looked at her watch. "You'll need to get enough supplies to last at least four days if they are indeed two days away. I suggest you get some rest for the next few hours then put your supplies together and you can leave in about ten hours. That should put you there around sunrise according to Rodney's calculations."

Lorne nodded and started making arrangements for the mission and Rodney and Ronon moved away from the control room too. Sam watched the image of the MALP disappear as the gate shut down. But the memory of John's dog tag remained firmly in her mind. She wouldn't get in touch with the SGC just yet, though. They'd been disappointed too many times in the past and this could be just one more of those times. But she really hoped it wasn't.

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	22. Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22

Chapter 22

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"The control crystal is fried," McKay announced as he examined the back of the DHD on Dimitta. "No wonder Sheppard and Teyla couldn't leave here. Sheppard knows enough about the schematics of the DHD to maybe get it working again but without the control crystal, even ** _I_** couldn't do it."

"What do you mean, you can't do it?" Ronon growled, wondering if they'd be stuck here too.

"No, I meant if no one knew I was here. Atlantis will dial in shortly and we'll have them send another control crystal."

"Okay, you take care of that and we can head out to find Sheppard and Teyla. We'll see you later." Ronon looked like he was about to begin walking away but Lorne shook his head.

"I need to let Carter know what's going on, then we can go." As he said this the gate lit up and activated.

" _This is Carter. What's the situation_?"

"Well the control crystal is completely shot," McKay reported. "We'll need another to replace it. But there are a few other systems that could use some work before I know it'll be operational. It looks like no one used this DHD in quite a few years."

" _Major Lorne_?" Carter said looking for his input.

"Dr. McKay says it could take him at least five or six hours to fix this thing and Ronon and I don't want to take that long to start on our trek to find the Colonel. There are some coordinates gouged into the tree just below where Sheppard's dog tag is. Permission to begin our search, ma'am. Corporal Meyers can stay with Dr. McKay."

" _Permission granted, Major. Good luck. Keep in touch with Dr. McKay as you go. We'll dial in every three hours for a SITREP. McKay, I've got Zalenka getting another control crystal. He can bring it through in a little while and stay if you need his help_."

McKay rolled his eyes. "I don't need his help. I'm perfectly capable of fixing this myself. But I do need that crystal and I suppose it might go faster if someone was here to hand me tools. So, yeah, send him through."

Carter chuckled and wished them luck again. The gate promptly shut down. Ronon hefted his backpack over his shoulders and started walking. Lorne grabbed his and attached it to his TAC vest and waved to McKay.

McKay watched them go then turned back to stick his head in the back of the DHD. As much as he hated walking, he really wanted to go with them. He wanted to see for himself what Sheppard and Teyla had been doing for a year. Aw, hell, he just wanted to see them.

He wondered if they had given up on rescue and gotten on with their lives. But what kind of life could it be with no friends nearby. Yeah, John and Teyla had each other as friends but everyone else they knew was back on Atlantis. He remembered what Lorne and Ronon had said about Teyla and John having feelings for each other. Was that true? And if so, had they finally been able to let the other know or had they continued to keep it hidden, like they had for so long in the city.

He looked off in the distance to where Ronon and Lorne had gone. He could still see them further down the road. He hoped John and Teyla were still there and that nothing had happened to them. And he wished it wouldn't take two long days to find out. And even if they were there, it would be two days after that before they got back here. But he figured after waiting a year to see them, maybe another four days wasn't a big deal. He just wished it was sooner. He hated to admit it but he really missed his friends.

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"Do you need a break or you okay to keep moving?" Lorne asked as they continued following the coordinates that had been scratched into the tree. He hoped they were moving in the right direction and thought maybe they were as they had found a small river and the directions seemed to be following that. The river had gotten larger the longer they walked and he thought that if he was moving his people to another location he would want there to be a water source so he would stay near the river, too.

"I'm good," Ronon stated. "Let's keep moving as long as we can still see. I want to get to Sheppard as soon as we can."

"Okay," Lorne agreed. "But that sun is setting pretty fast. I'm not sure how much light we have left. We may have to set up a camp soon."

Ronon just nodded and moved a bit quicker than before. Lorne had kept up with his quick steps and he was impressed with the Major's ability to stay with him. Lorne was considerably shorter so it took him more steps to Ronon's fewer but he never complained. Ronon knew, though, that Sheppard's military expected their soldiers to be able to spend good amounts of time moving if they needed to. He was glad for that.

When the sun was very low in the sky, they saw what appeared to be a house, lights coming from inside. Lorne wasn't sure if they should check it out. Sheppard had said two days walk but maybe this person knew of Sheppard and Teyla and could let them know if they were indeed moving in the right direction.

As they approached, Lorne called out a greeting and within seconds a figure appeared on the front porch. It was an older man, maybe in his sixties and he had a smile on his face. That was a good sign.

"Hello and welcome," the man said as they stepped up to the porch.

"Hi, my name is Lorne and this is Ronon. We're here looking for some friends who may have come this way about a year ago. We think they brought a woman back to her home and then were stuck here when the gate didn't work."

"The gate?" the man questioned then his eyes lit up. "Oh, the ancestral ring, yes, you must be speaking of Tenyse. And your friends must be John and Teyla. Yes, I have met them. Would you care to come in? The sun will be down momentarily and the nights become very cold at that time as we are just getting through our winter. And I am Gedomin."

"We'd like to get to our friends," Ronon put in not wanting to take the time to stop for pleasantries.

"You will not reach them tonight. The sky is too filled with clouds to have any light from the moons and so you could not find your way. It will be too dark. If you leave at first light and move quickly you could reach Flumar by midday."

"Flumar?" Lorne looked curious. "That's where they are?"

Gedomin led them inside and they set down their packs and eased their tired bodies into comfortable chairs.

"Flumar is where Tenyse and her family live. And John has been staying in that town too or he was."

"He was? What do you mean by that?" Ronon asked.

"Your friends and Tenyse traveled this way at the end of last winter and stayed here during the night. For many cycles, John would come back this way and head to the ring. But he has not done it since before the summer heat arrived. I do not know why. And very few people travel this way so I have not heard any news in regard to that."

"So why do you live so far from everyone else?" Ronon asked.

"Many winters ago when the ring was active, this was a halfway station for those on a trading trip. But it is also my home and I am content to live here by myself."

"But Sheppard, uh, John was fine when he would come and stay here, right?" Lorne checked.

"Yes, we spoke of his desire to return to his home but he also felt that may never happen since the ring was inactive and his people did not know where they had gone. But you are here now so you must have gained information somehow."

"Not soon enough," Ronon grumbled and wondered why Sheppard had stopped going to the gate. He figured he'd been trying to get it fixed or see if Atlantis had sent anyone through. But had something happened to him so that he couldn't get to the gate or did he just finally give up? Ronon hated to think that Sheppard had thought they had stopped looking. Although while they had thought he and Teyla were dead, they really had and that made him sick to think they could have found information and gotten here sooner.

Gedomin offered them some food and Lorne quickly agreed and thanked him. Anything was better than MRE's. While they ate, Gedomin filled them in on the planet's history and the names of the towns that were located on this part of the world. He offered them a comfortable place to sleep and they accepted the offer. They would start out first thing in the morning and if Gedomin was right, they would actually get to see Sheppard and Teyla by midday. Lorne was thrilled that Teyla and the Colonel were known to be here but he still hoped that nothing had happened to them in the mean time. For them to come all this way and not have the two of them be here, would be more than heartbreaking.

.

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"The old man said we should be getting there soon," Ronon said as they crested a rise and looked down to a huge valley. They could see the river flowing swiftly over to the left and knew they were close.

"Look!" Lorne pointed off in the distance. You could just make out some buildings and what might possibly be a town. There were many little houses dotting the landscape along the river before you even reached that. Lorne hoped that Sheppard and Teyla were in one of them.

"First person we see, we ask," Ronon insisted and Lorne didn't argue. Apparently this town was small enough that everyone would know if new people came to town.

"Dr. McKay," Lorne said as he touched his communicator. 'Can you hear me?"

" _Yeah, I'm here. Did you find them?_ "

"Not yet. But we can see the town in the distance so it shouldn't be long. Keep your channel open and we'll let you know as soon as we get any information."

" _It's not like I have a whole lot of other things to do_ ," McKay sniped. " _I fixed the DHD yesterday. Now I just have the fun task of sitting here bored out of my mind while I beat the pants off Corporal Meyers in chess_."

Lorne signed off and they walked for another half hour before they came to the first house. They were in luck as there was a man outside chopping wood. He was apparently involved so much that he hadn't heard them approach. When they got closer, Lorne decided he would give the man some warning that they were there. He had an axe in his hand after all.

He started shuffling his feet and clearing his throat and when the man finally turned to look at them, Lorne took a deep breath, surprised at what he saw.

.

John swung the axe into the wood, deftly cutting it in half. He stopped for only a second to lift his shoulder to try and shake out the pain but didn't want to stop for longer than that. It had been over a month since he'd been attacked by the jacktu and his shoulder was getting better every day. But sometimes when he was doing extreme physical work, like chopping wood, the pain returned, a bit too much at times. Shalise kept warning him not to use it too often but he hated seeing Teyla do so much when he knew he was perfectly capable; when his shoulder was working.

The weather had gotten even warmer but since there was no electricity, firewood was still the main source of heat for warmth or food. Therefore he needed to make sure he had plenty. And he didn't want Teyla out here doing it all the time. She'd done more than her share of work while he'd been laid up.

As always, thoughts of Teyla made his face break out in a smile. He was more in love with her as each day passed. He didn't know how that happened but it had. She was so amazing and strong and had been so brave when he had been injured. She had taken care of him all the while still dealing with a new baby. But Torren was now ten weeks old and had started sleeping about six or seven hours a night. Of course John wished they would be seven of the good hours of the night as three a.m. was obscenely early to get up. Unfortunately, Teyla was the one who usually had to deal with that as he couldn't feed the baby.

His smile turned into a grin when he thought of what they had managed a few times while Torren was sleeping those six or seven hours. Even though it had been a while, what with the new baby and his injury, they still had as much passion for each other as they had before, maybe even more so. The only thing they couldn't do was spend the whole night making love. Not when that might be the only time they would get some sleep for an entire day.

He brought the axe down a few more times needing to cool his overheated body from thinking about Teyla during those times of passion. She was inside cutting up some leftover fowl to make sandwiches for lunch and he wondered if maybe she would be willing to utilize the time while Torren was taking his afternoon nap. There was no harm in asking. Or he could just start nibbling on her neck, especially in that one spot that always made her shiver and moan. Yeah, that might do it.

He swung the axe a few more times as he breathed in the fresh air. As he did, he thought he heard some rustling in the distance. He turned to look up the road away from town, wondering what could possibly be coming from that direction. He had to close and open his eyes a few times when he saw the two figures that now were only a few yards away. It looked like Lorne and Ronon.

He shook his head wondering if the infection from his shoulder had attacked his brain and lay dormant and was just now coming awake again. They couldn't possibly be here. It had been a freakin' _year_ since he had last seen them.

Ronon looked at the man chopping wood as he turned around and he realized it was Sheppard. His breath caught in his throat as he took in how different he looked. He was still thin but now looked almost thinner and his hair was a bit longer than usual. He was sporting a beard and wearing what looked like the jeans of his world with a thick, button down shirt. Ronon noticed his feet though and saw that he still had on the black boots he always wore.

Ronon saw disbelief and a few other emotions cross Sheppard's face as he saw them. The guilt that Ronon had carried with him for the past year, doubled in size and he felt like dropping to his knees and begging forgiveness from his friend. But the happiness and joy at seeing his friend alive after thinking for so long that he was dead, preempted any begging. He jogged the few steps and grabbed Sheppard around the waist and swung him in a circle.

"Sheppard," Ronon bellowed and John finally came to understand that he wasn't hallucinating. His friend was really here. After so long, he wasn't even sure how he should feel about it. But the enthusiasm of Ronon's greeting permeated his senses and he actually hugged the man back. Ronon finally put him on his feet and John grabbed the man's arms and held on still hoping he wouldn't disappear.

"This is really you," John breathed out. "You're not going to vanish like some dream are you?"

"We're really here, Colonel," Lorne assured him. "Sorry it took us so long to find you. Not a lot of information available unfortunately. But we finally managed. It's really good to see you again, Sir."

John reached out and grabbed Lorne's extended hand then thumped him on the shoulder in a quick embrace. He still couldn't believe it. He looked behind the two men for McKay to come chugging behind them and when he didn't see him, frowned.

"Where's Rodney?"

"He's at the gate," Lorne answered. "It took him a while to get it working again and we didn't want to wait until he did to start the two day walk. I'm not really sure he _wanted_ to go on a two day walk anyway."

"So the gate's fixed?" John clarified as his eyes grew intense. "We can dial out now? I tried to fix it but the damn crystal looked like it had overheated or something."

"All fixed," Lorne responded. "We got a new crystal and McKay fixed some of the other systems that weren't in perfect order apparently. I mean since he had the time while Ronon and I were walking all this way."

John didn't know what to say. He still couldn't believe that they were here, finally.

Lorne turned on his comm and radioed for Rodney, knowing the man was frantic for news. "Dr. McKay, can you hear me?"

" _Lorne, yeah, go ahead. Did you find them_?"

"Colonel Sheppard is standing right in front of me." McKay's cheers could be heard all around.

Lorne handed the radio to Sheppard who gave a grin then said, "You lazy bastard, Rodney, you can't even walk two days to come and get me yourself. It's about damn time you guys showed up. Do you know how hard it is to keep Teyla entertained for a year, _without electricity_?"

Rodney's laugh came through loud and clear and John smiled knowing his friends were okay. He had hoped that things were good with them but there was always the chance they could have been taken by the Wraith or destroyed by the Replicators. Many times John had had nightmares about that, thinking maybe that was why no one had come for them.

But they were here now and he realized that leaving wouldn't be as easy as they thought. They'd been here for so long and had made a life for themselves. Yeah, there were decisions that needed to be made and conversations to be had.

Rodney interrupted his thoughts. " _Well, grab enough food for a two day trip and get yourselves back here. I'll let Atlantis know they found you when they open the gate. Keep in touch. We'll see you soon, Sheppard. And Sheppard, … I'm glad you and Teyla are okay_."

"Thanks, McKay," John responded and signed off. He handed the radio back to Lorne and looked in the direction of the cottage.

"Come on," He directed them to the house. "Teyla's gonna flip out when she sees you. Honestly, we didn't think you'd ever be able to find us. Once we get some lunch you'll have to tell me how you managed."

They walked up the back porch steps and John opened the door. Teyla was standing at the sink rinsing some dishes. She looked up when John walked in and gave him the smile he knew she reserved only for him. Things were going to change but John knew that there were some things he didn't _want_ to change.

"Teyla," John rushed excitedly, "You'll never guess…"

He didn't finish his sentence as Teyla glanced in the direction of the baby's room and shushed him. John turned his head and gave an apologetic look but took a step aside to allow Teyla to see who was behind him.

"Teyla!" Ronon boomed and Teyla's eyes lit up at the sight of her friend reaching for her. She lifted her arms to wrap around his neck and cried out his name as he lifted her into the air in a bear hug.

"Ronon? How in the world did you ever find us? I cannot believe you are here."

Ronon put her down and she saw Lorne standing behind them. "Major," was all she got out and her eyes started to leak tears at the sight she had wished for all these many months. She pulled Lorne in for an embrace and when she pulled away he blushed.

"It's wonderful to see you, Teyla, finally. You look great!"

A flash of jealousy swept though John as he heard Lorne give Teyla the compliment. He knew the man was just being nice but he also knew Teyla did look great. She had lost all her weight from the pregnancy and maybe even a few more pounds since she'd been waiting on him and doing all the other chores for so long. And today she had on the pretty, pink blouse with the long buttoned sleeves and the suede skirt. She even had the matching pink ribbon in her hair.

Teyla, Lorne and Ronon began talking about Rodney and the gate and John moved through the main room when he heard a small whimper from the baby's room. This part would perhaps be a little awkward, he thought as he lifted a fussing Torren from his cradle. He gave him a few soothing pats on his back as he shifted him to his shoulder and whispered assurances to him.

He walked back through the main room and stopped as Teyla swung in his direction. She took Ronon's hand and pulled him toward John.

"Ronon, there is someone I wish for you to meet."

Ronon turned and followed Teyla and his eyes widened as he saw Sheppard come out of another room with an infant on his shoulder. When he realized the significance of this, his mouth formed into a large grin. He could tell by Lorne's face that the man was equally as surprised.

Teyla moved to stand next to Sheppard and reached up to stroke the soft hair on the baby's head. "This is our son, Torren John Emmagen Sheppard."

John looked at Teyla and could feel the love he had for her begin to expand even more. She continued to do things that astounded him in their beauty and thoughtfulness. They had never really talked about the baby's full name. On this world there were so few people that last names were rarely needed. But Teyla had said the baby's name and had added Sheppard to the end. He knew in her society, names were passed down on the mother's side. But she obviously knew enough about Earth culture to know John's people passed down names on the father's side.

John shifted the squirming baby so he was facing the others and he couldn't hide his look of pride when they saw him. He loved this child and wanted everyone to know how much. He saw the looks on Lorne and Ronon's faces and said, "Surprise."

"Wow, you have a baby," Lorne finally got out of his gaping mouth. "That's great! Congratulations, Sir, Teyla. How old is he?"

"Ten weeks," John filled them in. He knew they would try doing the math and realize this child was conceived very shortly after they were taken. But he didn't know how much they knew about the circumstances of their abduction. He hadn't even thought about that until now. He wasn't sure he could handle people knowing what they had gone through in the first few weeks missing. Maybe they didn't know; he could only hope.

Teyla saw that Ronon was grinning like an idiot and placed her hands on her hips. "What?" she demanded.

"Nothing," Ronon answered vaguely. "Just glad you two finally figured it out. Sometimes I just wanted to smack your heads together so you'd realize your feelings for each other. I guess you managed that on your own though."

John looked sheepish as he gazed down affectionately at his son then glanced over at Teyla, his feelings still out in the open. "Yeah, we were a little dense in that area, huh?"

"Just a little," Lorne chimed in, having similar thoughts to Ronon. He continued to stare at Sheppard and Teyla and the baby and the looks of happiness on their faces. He thought back to the tapes he had seen and the information they had gathered from the slavers and the slave owners. And he thought of what Jarik had told them as well. But looking at the Colonel and Teyla now, you couldn't tell what they'd been through.

Then when he thought of what they'd actually been through, he began to wonder. This child would have been conceived around the first week or so of their disappearance. He knew Sheppard and Teyla had certainly done enough to produce this child; he'd seen that on the tape. But he wondered if there hadn't been others who could have produced the same results. But he would never bring that up. He could tell that Sheppard was enamored of this child. He thought he looked pretty enamored of Teyla too.

"Are you both hungry?" Teyla asked as they stood gazing at the baby. "John and I were about to have lunch. I could quickly make a few more sandwiches; there is plenty of meat."

"Oh, we don't want you to go to any bother," Lorne shrugged off even though his stomach was growling. He hadn't had more than a few energy bars this morning as Ronon had set a fierce pace while trying to get here.

"It's no trouble," John assured them. He wrapped his left arm around Torren's waste and anchored him to his hip as he moved to start putting lunch on the table. Teyla followed suit and swiftly cut more meat for the sandwiches. Lorne and Ronon insisted on helping and grabbed plates and utensils and some fruit. John took the basket of rolls that Bessa had left here yesterday and put those on the table.

Once they were seated, Torren in John's lap, they made quick work of the food. Halfway through the meal, Torren was handed over to Teyla and Ronon thought this seemed pretty typical for them. It must be how they ate most days if the child was awake.

John, now free from the baby in his lap, leaned his elbows on the table and looked at his friends. "So how the heck did you actually find us? We've been on four different planets since we left Atlantis."

Lorne and Ronon took turns explaining the series of events that brought them here. They both had silently agreed not to mention seeing the tape. They had no idea if John and Teyla even knew of its existence. They also didn't mention the type of slaves they knew their friends had been. They stuck with facts and places.

"So everyone thought we were dead for a while huh? That's a bummer," John commented trying to get his head around that piece of information.

"Yup," Ronon grunted. "Had a military funeral for you and everything at some big cemetery for soldiers in your country."

"Arlington?" Sheppard asked and at Lorne's nod, grinned, "Cool! Anybody cry?"

Ronon knew Sheppard was just making a joke but felt he should know that he was sorely missed. "Yeah, your Dad."

"My Dad?" John choked out the word with a disbelieving look in his eyes. "Doubtful."

"Well, maybe he wasn't weeping openly," Ronon confessed. "But he was pretty upset. Came over and talked to us after. Asked us all sorts of questions about what kind of soldier you were and if your men respected you."

"What'd you say?" John asked curiously wondering why his Dad had wanted to know about those things. Did he think John had still been worthless?

"Told him you were a complete screw-up," Ronon teased, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

But Lorne threw him a nasty look and corrected, "We told him the truth, Colonel. That your men respected you more than any other CO ever and that you were an amazing leader and a good friend."

"He asked about Teyla, too," Ronon added. "He knew she had been with you and wondered about your relationship. He asked if she was worthy of you and returned the feelings."

"Now ** _I_** wish to know what you told him," Teyla queried.

"We told him we suspected that you had feelings for each other just from watching you together for so long," Lorne said. "But that you hadn't acted on those feelings during your time with us."

"And what did you reply to his question of my worthiness?" Teyla leaned forward on the table, Torren held to her side.

"McKay was the one who answered that question," Lorne said. At Teyla's big sigh, he continued, "McKay said that you were the _best_ and you couldn't ask for better."

Teyla's eyes grew moist at this response and she bounced her foot as Torren began to fuss. She moved him to her shoulder finally and he quieted momentarily.

Ronon and Lorne filled them in on all that had gone on in the city since they'd been gone, or at least an abbreviated version. They mentioned that Landry hadn't been able to find a suitable replacement yet and the job had been occupied by several people. John hated the idea of Atlantis going without a good Military Commander but was undeniably relieved that they hadn't found some great person who had done a wonderful job to the point where John would be sent back to Earth to do who knows what.

Torren started fussing again and Teyla excused herself to go feed him. She decided the bedroom would be a good place to feed him now as she thought Ronon and Lorne might be uncomfortable if she did it in the main room. John started picking up dishes but the two men offered to wash and clean up while Teyla fed the baby.

John allowed them to and moved to stoke the fire and add another log. Then he moved to the bedroom where Teyla had Torren suckling at her breast. He knew it wouldn't take all that long as their son had gotten very good at eating. He sat down next to Teyla and he could see her eyes dart around the room, landing on many of the items they had put here to make the place homey. He knew what Teyla was thinking, as he was thinking the same thing.

John leaned in to press a quick kiss on her lips then took a deep breath. "I know, Teyla, we need to have a long talk."

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	23. Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 23

Chapter 23

.

When Torren had been fed and changed and was out cold in his cradle, John approached Lorne and Ronon. "TJ's gonna sleep for about an hour now and Teyla and I were wondering if you two would maybe stick around here to keep an eye on him. We need to discuss a few things privately."

Ronon looked a bit nervous but Lorne said, "Sure, go ahead. We can keep an eye on the little guy."

John remembered that Lorne had said he had a few nephews so he'd had some practice with babies. He wasn't so sure Ronon had that experience.

"Thank you both," Teyla said and squeezed Ronon's hand. "If he should waken early he may simply need to be held and talked to softly. There is a bench by the river that you can see from here. We will be there if Torren fusses and cannot be calmed."

"Don't worry about it, we'll be fine," Lorne assured her. "Take all the time you need."

John and Teyla walked out the back door and Ronon watched them leave, Sheppard's arm resting on Teyla's shoulder. He had a bad feeling that maybe what they were talking about was whether or not they should leave this place. If they had come to rescue them earlier he didn't think there would have been any discussions at all. But the two of them had been here for a year now. And their son had been born here also. Maybe they were too attached to the place to want to go back. He hoped not. He would hate to think they had come all this way just to go home without Sheppard and Teyla. But if they did, at least they would know they were alive and well. That would be some comfort.

He looked around the cottage and noticed all the nice little touches that made this place a real home; curtains, decorations, flowers, and even little baby toys scattered around the room. He had to admit the kid was pretty cute and Sheppard had seemed very comfortable holding him. And the expression on his face when he looked at the baby was priceless. He could tell Sheppard thought the world of his son and he could tell he thought the world of Teyla, too. Then he thought about what life would be like for them back on Atlantis. Both of their quarters were far too small for all three of them and he knew they'd have to find something bigger. And then he wondered what Sheppard's people would think of them having a kid. He hated to admit it but there were some definite things that needed to be discussed.

.

John and Teyla strolled slowly down to the river and sat quietly on the bench for a few minutes before either of them spoke. They were both going through things in their mind and found it was hard to put into words exactly what they were feeling.

"I, um, … thought about this for a long time," John finally started the conversation. "Imagined what it would be like and how we would finally be able to go back to the city. And for all those times I knew I would be ecstatic and ready to just pick up and go. But now, … I'm finding those aren't really the feelings I'm having at all."

"Yes, I understand," Teyla responded as she leaned into John's arm. "My feelings are quite torn at the moment. I miss our friends from Atlantis and most especially my people but when I think of leaving here and not seeing Tenyse and Finn and Shalise, my heart sings with sorrow. I do not know what to do."

John turned his head slightly to gaze back at the house. He saw the pens he'd made for the chicken-like animals they had and the small enclosed shower area. He looked at the large addition he'd built for the bedrooms and the garden that would need to be dug up and replanted soon for the approaching spring. He had put so much time and effort into making this house more livable for them and they had been very happy here. They had truly begun to think of this place as home.

But when he thought of what really made it home, he realized that it was Teyla and Torren who were the real factors in that equation. They were his family. And family was what made a house a home, right? So would a larger set of quarters in Atlantis still be home? And what would Teyla want to do?

"I guess the question is, are we even considering staying right here?" John put the question out there for them to talk about.

Teyla looked up at him with astonishment written on her face. "Is this something you would wish for? I did not think you would ever consider this option."

"It's definitely something to think about. Maybe the first thing we should do is make a list of all the pros and cons of staying or going back."

"Very well," Teyla agreed. "That sounds logical. Should we start with arguments for staying here?"

"Sure, why not," John sighed knowing it would be really hard either way. "Well, we haven't needed to worry about the Wraith while we've been here. That's a very good thing. I really like the idea of TJ growing up without that threat always hanging overhead."

"Yes, a very good point. And we have made wonderful friends who would do anything for us and for Torren. They have given us a place to live, work to fulfill us, and companionship when we are in need of it."

"Yeah, it's felt pretty good to make some of the appliances for the people around here. They're so appreciative and I've gotta say they make me feel very smart."

John grinned at this thought and Teyla reached up to stroke his cheek. "You _are_ very intelligent, John. You do not need other people to make you feel this way. Perhaps because you are always in the shadow of Rodney, you have not felt this way."

"Right," John nodded. "Just another reason to stay here, so I'm not in Rodney's shadow."

"And we have put much work into making the cottage into a true home for us and for Torren. You have built the addition and the shower and the pens for the animals." She looked down at the bench they were sitting on. "And this, so I may enjoy the rushing water."

"And don't forget all the work we did on the garden," John added. "And the curtains and wall hangings you made during your nights with the ladies."

Teyla chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I am not certain that could be considered a benefit. Those things leave much to be desired."

"Anything you do I desire, Teyla," John said, his voice low and husky. "And there's another reason to stay here; you and I can kiss and make love whenever we want. I'm not sure that would be the case on Atlantis. As the Military Commander, I have to have a certain amount of decorum and I'm not sure we could mouth 'I love you' across the conference room table at meetings."

"Yes," Teyla replied, her lips twitching, "That could possibly be frowned upon. And another question would be where would Torren stay while we were needed to do our jobs? Here we have much flexibility in the hours we work or when we can be at home."

John nodded in agreement. "Here, one of us can be with TJ at all times while the other is busy. My schedule on Atlantis is a lot fuller than my schedule here. And here I can probably work in the garden while TJ plays outside in the grass once he's older. Don't imagine he can hang around the control room while I do my thing."

Teyla sighed and stated, "It seems there are many good reasons for us to stay here. So now we should list the reasons to return to the city."

"Electricity!" John said exuberantly. "Indoor plumbing, mess hall food that you don't have to grow yourselves, computers and video games and other methods of entertainment. Not having to chop wood daily and keep the fires stoked all night long."

Teyla chuckled at his enthusiasm for those things. It was not so much for Teyla as she had lived most of her life without them. But she could understand how John would miss them as he had always had them.

"I could see my people again. I have missed them very much as I have missed the new friends I have made on Atlantis. And I felt I was helping my people in the war against the Wraith. It seemed we had made good progress in fighting them. By being here, I sometimes felt I was letting my people down."

John leaned down and kissed Teyla's lips gently. "You had no control over our situation here, Teyla, so you need to get rid of that guilt."

"Yes, and you are one to talk about releasing themselves from guilt."

John snorted and his lips twisted in a wry smile because he knew she was right about that. He felt guilt over pretty much everything that had ever happened in his life. And when he thought of them all, he thought of what Ronon had said about his Dad. And then he remembered what he had said to himself about showing TJ to his father and perhaps his Dad being proud of him finally. But if they stayed here, his father would never meet his grandson and John couldn't begin to rebuild their relationship.

And if Ronon was truthful about his Dad being upset about his supposed death, then maybe they did have a second chance at having a better relationship. He knew he wanted to try but that would never happen if they stayed here. And he wasn't sure the Air Force would even allow that anyway.

"You know, Teyla, I'm not even sure if I could stay here. Technically, now that they know I'm alive, I'm still a commissioned officer in the United States Air Force, and my duty is to go where I'm assigned."

Teyla nodded now and added, "And I was thinking about when you were attacked by the jacktu. I would have given anything to have been on Atlantis with their superior knowledge, medicine and equipment. It was very frightening to think I would lose you. The thoughts of Torren growing up not knowing his father left me terrified. And what will happen if some day Torren is injured and the medical knowledge here is not sufficient? I do not think I could survive if my son were to be taken from me."

"And you know, even though it's a two day walk, we could still come and visit. Maybe not all that often but we could if we had enough time off. Rodney fixed the gate and so maybe some of the people from town would come and visit us as well if they happen to be on a trading trip."

"Yes," Teyla grabbed on to that thought. "And this might be a nice spot to visit for a relaxing vacation if we were to ever need one. The summer months here are quite lovely."

"And if we were on Atlantis, I could still get back to Earth occasionally. I should probably let my Dad and brother know I'm not dead. Maybe they won't care but I know I'd like my Dad to meet his grandson and Dave's kids might like to meet their cousin."

Teyla smiled at John and they both realized that they would of course go back with Ronon and Lorne. But they had needed to talk it out so they didn't have regrets later.

"It's not gonna be easy to leave, though, you know," John informed Teyla. "We'll have to tell Finn and Tenyse and quite a few others. And damn, Tim is up in the mountain towns with his new lady friend. I really hate to leave without saying good bye to him."

John's grimace turned into a tiny smile as he suggested, "See, another reason to make a trip back here. And I'll bet Keller would be more than happy to help Shalise with any medical training and supplies. We might need to find a quicker way to get to the town though. Lugging supplies for a two day walk won't be something anyone will want to do very often."

"This is true," Teyla said and thought of Rodney and his aversion to too much physical exertion. "Is there no way for a jumper to get through the gate?"

John thought about the trees and boulders and where they were placed and shrugged. "Maybe with a bit of fancy maneuvering it could be possible. I'd have to look again. I'll do that when we get back to the gate."

He pulled Teyla into his arms and gazed into her eyes, hoping he would find acceptance at what they wanted to do. "So you're okay with going back?"

Teyla wrapped her arms around John's neck and held tight. "Yes, as long as we explain to our friends and say goodbye. We cannot just leave without letting them know. And I would like to take some of our belongings with us. You spent so long making the cradle for Torren that I could not bear to leave it behind. And he will need a place to sleep once we are back anyway."

John thought for a minute and kept himself occupied during that time by pressing his lips to hers. Unfortunately that always resulted in his mind going in a completely different direction.

When he eased back a bit, he said, "We'll need some sort of a wagon and pack animal to pull it. I can't carry that cradle for two days walking. Maybe someone will go with us and take it back. We can't leave it there."

"We can ask," Teyla replied. "Are you certain Atlantis is where you prefer to be?"

John kissed her again tenderly. "With _you_ is where I prefer to be, Teyla. I love you."

Teyla grinned and responded automatically, "I love you more."

"But I love you the most," John answered back and this time he kept his lips pressed to hers for quite a long time."

.

When John and Teyla returned to the cottage, Torren was still asleep and Lorne and Ronon were stretched out on the furniture in front of the fire. Ronon looked up immediately and tried to gauge their mood. Had they decided to come back to Atlantis or to stay here? He hoped the answer was Atlantis. The place hadn't been the same without Sheppard and Teyla's presence. One of the most noticeable things had been that those two were the best ones for defusing McKay's temper and ego. No one else had the same gift as them.

"What'd you decide?" Ronon asked bluntly. There was no reason to tiptoe around the issue.

Sheppard pulled Teyla in tighter to his shoulder and smiled. "We plan on coming back with you but we need at least a day or so to arrange a few things and say goodbye. And we'll need to pack. Teyla and I know we can't take everything back with us but there are some things we really don't want to leave here. Hope that's acceptable."

"After all the time you've been gone, Colonel, I think that sounds fair," Lorne admitted. He hadn't wanted to say anything but he knew Sheppard really couldn't stay here while still a part of the US Military. He knew the SGC would throw a fit if he tried. But he wasn't sure exactly what they would do now that Sheppard had been found alive. He had been declared dead after all; funeral and everything.

A soft knock sounded on the door before anyone else could say anything more and John moved to open it for Kelina. He looked at her excited face and knew this would be so hard, for both of them.

"Hi, John," her voice was lively. "Mother wanted me to extend an invitation to dinner. Father caught several large shakar and he wishes to share them. And mother has made some of the fruit tarts you so love."

John's heart ached as he thought of leaving Kelina and her family here but he knew they must. He took a step aside and indicated the two men who were still sitting by the fire. He put his arm on Kelina's shoulder and drew her forward.

"Kelina, we had a little surprise this afternoon. This is Major Evan Lorne and Ronon Dex. They come from Atlantis. It took them a while but they were finally able to figure out where we were."

Ronon and Lorne stood up and said hello and Kelina's eyes got wide. "But the ring is broken. They will not be able to get back. Will they stay here?"

Teyla took a step closer to Kelina. "Atlantis is aware of our location now and can send supplies to repair the ring. We have a friend who is there now and has already managed this. The ring is now able to connect to other worlds from here."

Kelina eye's filled with moisture and her bottom lip trembled. "And you will leave us?"

John hugged her to his shoulder. "We're not leaving right now. It'll take us a day or so to pack up and say goodbye to everyone. And now that the gate works both ways we can come back and visit. It won't be quite the same as having us down the street but we hope maybe we'll still see you."

"So you will not be coming to dinner tonight?" Kelina asked sadly.

"We do not wish to make extra work for your mother," Teyla explained. "We have two other mouths to feed."

"We have plenty of food," Kelina insisted. "You should see the size of the shakar that father got. I do not think they will mind. And if you are leaving soon, I know mother and father will want to spend some time with you before you go."

John looked at Teyla and they both nodded at each other. "Okay, we'll come. But I'll throw together a vegetable casserole and bring that just to add to the meal."

Kelina nodded and John felt his heart break at the tears that threatened to slip from her eyes. Maybe it was a good thing they'd had a boy. He wasn't sure he would do well with a crying teenage girl. He'd probably give in to all her demands.

"We will see you at dinner time," Kelina said and began to leave. But before she got two feet from John she turned and gave him a big hug then sprinted out the door.

John just stared after her for a few moments then turned around and growled, "Okay, this sucks!"

He moved to the counter and started pulling vegetables out of the bin. He got to work peeling and chopping and tried to get his frustrations out in this manner.

Ronon walked over and commented, "She seems to care about you a lot. Who is she?"

"Tenyse's daughter," John supplied. "Tenyse is the woman who helped us escape. She and her husband, Finn, have been amazing friends to us while we've been here. They were the ones who arranged for us to have this cottage and he even helped me to put the additional bedrooms on."

"You mean this place was smaller than this originally," Lorne questioned as he looked at the quaint little rooms. It was hard to imagine it being smaller though.

"The cottage was just this one main room," Teyla told him. "John and Finn and several others from town assisted in adding the bedrooms on once we discovered I was expecting a child."

"Yeah," John grumbled, his mood having deteriorated since he'd seen Kelina's sad face. "We've done a bunch of stuff to upgrade since we arrived. It's been a whole freakin' year."

He finished putting the vegetables in a dish with water, added some spices and herbs and stuck it in the brick oven by the fireplace. John could feel some deep emotions coming to the surface and thought he needed to get away for a short time and get some air.

"I need to get some more firewood. I'll be right back." He walked out the back door quickly and Ronon looked at Teyla who shook her head, indicating he should not go after him.

"This is difficult for us, Ronon. Please understand that. It is not that we are unhappy to see you. We are happy, very much so. But our life has been here for the past year. We have made this cottage a home. I have had a child grow inside me and given birth to him here. John and I have exchanged vows of love and marriage in this place and we have become a part of this community."

"You guys got married?" Ronon said gruffly then laughed. "That's great. Wonder if that would have happened if you had stayed on Atlantis."

"We have often thought of that ourselves," Teyla confessed. "I do not believe so. I think John and I would have continued with our very professional relationship and simply avoided the issue. For that matter alone, I am very grateful for what happened although not the situation itself," she entirely skirted what that situation had been.

"John and I love each other very much and we feel extremely blessed with the gift of our son. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. He is such a joy and miracle and I know John feels the same."

Ronon was humbled by Teyla's words and he saw that Lorne also remained quiet, taking in what she had said. The silence was interrupted a short time later by the baby crying and Teyla went to get him.

She returned with the infant and a small quilt and sat on the settee. "Do you mind if I feed him here?" she asked of the two men. "I do not wish to embarrass you but I find it more comfortable during the day and the fire has gotten quite low in our room. I do not wish Torren to be chilled while he eats."

Lorne shook his head although Ronon thought he did look a little awkward when Teyla began to unbutton her blouse. But she draped the quilt over her shoulder and arranged the child so nothing was showing. Ronon grabbed a few more logs and got the fires in the two bedrooms roaring again then saw out the window that Sheppard was back to chopping wood. Maybe he could go out and talk to him now.

He mentioned it to Teyla and she nodded her approval so he slipped through the back door and approached where Sheppard was hacking away ferociously at a large chunk of wood.

"You trying to cut that or punish it?" Ronon quipped and Sheppard looked up not even realizing that his friend had snuck up on him.

John blew out a harsh breath, disgusted that his instincts and reactions had dulled apparently. What good would he be on the base if he let people creep up on him? He didn't really have an answer so he just turned back to the wood and swung the axe again. Unfortunately the physical activity wasn't really getting rid of any of his anger or frustration and it was making his shoulder very sore.

"Listen, Sheppard," Ronon began solemnly, "I know it may not mean anything to you but I'm sorry."

John did look up at this and asked, "What are _you_ sorry for?"

Ronon's head was bent and he muttered under his breath, "For not getting here sooner. For almost believing you might be dead. For not looking even harder than I did."

John dropped the axe and sighed a heavy sigh. "Listen Chewie, this isn't your fault and I'm not mad at you or anyone else on Atlantis. But this whole situation just sucks, big time. Teyla and I hoped and prayed every day for so long that someone would find us, even when we knew there weren't a whole lot of clues to find. And that hope got us through much of the early months we were here. But after that it became clear to us that rescue wasn't coming and we pretty much accepted it. We truly became a part of this community and put every effort into fitting in here."

John looked around at the garden nearby and river in the distance and took another deep breath. "It wasn't hard fitting in with these people though, they've been the best. Having to grow or hunt your own food, now that was a bit of a challenge for me. Luckily Teyla had plenty of experience and taught me everything she knew, especially once she got bigger with the baby and I needed to do more of it. It wasn't as easy for her to go out hunting in the woods when she waddled so much."

John looked back at the house and his eyes narrowed. "And don't you ever tell Teyla I said that she waddled. She'd kick my ass."

Ronon chuckled and agreed. "Yes, she would."

John ran his hands through his hair, leaving it sticking up worse than ever and he continued, "Finn and Tenyse and so many others have been here for Teyla and me from the beginning. Yeah, we brought Tenyse back but they could easily have just said a quick thanks and left us to fend for ourselves. But they didn't. They gave us this old house and made sure it had everything in it that we needed. They provided food for us for weeks and weeks until we could catch or grow it ourselves. They gave us work to do so we could contribute to the community and earn currency to pay for what we couldn't grow or catch."

John moved his shoulder and Ronon thought he saw John wince but the man just kept going. "When Teyla had the baby they were here all the time, helping with the delivery and bringing more food so I didn't have to leave her side for very long. And when I was attacked by that damn animal, … they were here for us. They made sure we always had enough firewood and food to eat. Someone checked on us all the time to make sure Teyla was getting some sleep since I wasn't any good to do anything."

Ronon looked at him curiously and interrupted, "What animal? What happened?"

"Something called a jacktu. It's a four legged beast with sharp claws and big teeth. It was near the cottage one night when we were coming back and the thing attacked me while I was trying to get Teyla and TJ safely into the house. Thing nearly tore my shoulder off."

John moved aside the collar of his shirt and Ronon saw some scars that were still pink in spots and from the looks of what he saw they had been deep and they disappeared inside his shirt. Ronon wondered how far inside. John answered that question when he rolled up his shirt sleeve and Ronon could see that they extended to at least his elbow. Damn, that couldn't have been good.

"So, what I'm feeling right now is that I owe these people a pretty big one and how am I repaying them? I'm taking off and leaving them. Great friend I am, huh?"

"You're not leaving them, Sheppard," Ronon argued. "You're just going home."

"Yeah," John mumbled and started to throw the chopped wood into a wheelbarrow. Ronon gave him a hand and then John rolled it to the back of the house. Ronon noticed Sheppard's right arm, the injured one, seemed to be a bit weaker than the left and he hoped that wouldn't be a problem when they got back to the city.

They stacked the wood by the back door and then each grabbed an armful to bring into the house. Ronon dropped the wood by the main fireplace and John brought his pile to the bedrooms. When he came back in, he saw Lorne in one of the chairs holding TJ. That little flash of jealousy hit him again but he pushed it back. The baby was his and he knew it. He could be generous and allow others to hold him and enjoy him, too.

He moved to sit on the settee next to Teyla and saw Ronon had lowered himself into the other chair opposite. Teyla twisted to look at him with concern in her eyes.

"Are you all right, John?"

John saw the love Teyla had for him pouring out of those beautiful eyes and everyone else in the room vanished. He slid his arm around her back and pulled her close. "You're here, Teyla. That makes everything all right."

He pressed a light kiss to her lips then at Ronon's discreet chuckle sat back, a look of chagrin on his face. But he and Teyla were married and they were in their own house, so he should be able to kiss her whenever he wanted. But some things never went away and he knew it could be a very long time before he was comfortable with displays of affection while others were around.

He held Teyla close for a little longer while Lorne cooed at Torren and Ronon filled them in on more Pegasus Galaxy happenings. After a while he checked on the casserole and declared it was close to ready. He looked at his watch and knew it would be time to head to Finn and Tenyse's soon. He pulled some dish towels out to grab the casserole dish and covered it with another one. There was another reason to go back, he thought. On Atlantis and Earth they actually had tin foil.

Teyla packed a quick bag with diapers and a change of clothes for the baby and put him in his sling that she had been using to carry him around in. It had come in very handy when John had been incapacitated and Teyla had needed to do so much while still keeping Torren calm. He'd used it a few times himself while his arm and shoulder were healing.

Lorne and Ronon took a few minutes to wash their hands and faces and they set out. He had told them it was only about a half mile but knew they had spent much of the last few days walking here. They couldn't want to do it again so soon. But as they walked, John remained silent. He kept thinking about how he would tell these good friends that he and Teyla were taking Torren and going back to Atlantis.

They were such good people he knew they would be happy for them. But inside he knew that they would be miserable and the sad part was that so would he and Teyla.

.


	24. Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 24

Chapter 24

.

John's feet pounded on the dirt path as he tried to run off the frustration he was feeling. It was silly, really, he should be thrilled that he and Teyla had finally been found. But when they had gone to Finn and Tenyse's last night, he had felt guilty as hell.

Oh, they had been pleased for them and had assured them that they completely understood but he knew they were upset. Several times he had caught Tenyse looking at Teyla with tear filled eyes and Kelina hadn't even tried to hide her misery. Zeth and Finn were being stoic but he knew them well enough now that he could see that they were bothered by the events.

He was fast approaching the cottage and wondered what Lorne and Ronon had been doing. They had been up when he left even though it was pretty early according to local time. But he knew by his watch, which was still set on Atlantis time, that it was a bit later in the day for them. Teyla, he knew would probably still be sleeping as she had just barely finished feeding TJ when he'd gone and the baby usually went back to sleep for another few hours or so.

The air started swirling around and leaves and dirt began to lift and John looked up quickly to see a jumper coming up behind him. _A jumper_! How the heck had they managed to get one of those past all the trees at the gate? It landed gently in the clearing opposite their house and John knew it couldn't be Rodney piloting since he had never been able to fly or land that well.

He jogged over to it and waited while the hatch lowered. McKay was the first one to come out.

"Sheppard!" he exclaimed coming over to grab him by the shoulders. John gave him an awkward embrace back and eased his stiff shoulder out from under Rodney's tight grasp. Rodney was looking him over like he was a specimen under a microscope.

"What's with the beard?" McKay asked sarcastically. "You grew one when you were stuck in that time dilation village, too."

John just shrugged. "Nobody military telling me I can't."

John looked back into the jumper where Lt. Packard was coming out. The man gave him a smart salute and a "Good to see you again, Sir," and John just chuckled and shook his head.

"At ease, Packard. How the heck did you get this thing through the gate in one piece?"

The Lieutenant grinned and replied, "I came through the gate to bring Dr. McKay some more supplies and took a good look around. I calculated some of the space and figured if you brought the jumper through the gate really slow and made sure to stop as soon as you were through, you could hover up for a few hundred feet and maneuver through some of the trees. It was a bit tricky but I thought it might be worth it to keep you from having to walk the two days back to the gate."

A crooked grin lit up John's face. "Now that's the kind of thinking I like to see. And yeah, that'll save us getting a wagon to bring some of our things back in."

"A wagon?" McKay snarled. "What could you possibly need from this backwater planet that you can't get in Atlantis?"

John narrowed his eyes and glared at Rodney. "We've been here a year, McKay. We've accumulated a few things that maybe have a bit of sentimental attachment."

"Sentimental?" sneered Rodney. "Since when have you been sentimental?"

John actually thought about that question because McKay was right. His quarters were filled with sports equipment and a Johnny cash poster. He really didn't have anything sentimental back there. But now that he had a wife and child, he found himself getting a bit more attached to some things. They had meaning for him now.

But McKay didn't know that he was married or that he had a baby so he supposed he should probably let him in on that little fact very soon. "Ronon and Lorne are in the house. Why don't you come in? When Teyla wakes up, she'll want to see you, too."

John looked at the jumper then glanced around. He knew no one on this world would do anything to it but old habits died hard. Packard saw his stare and offered, "I can stay with the jumper, Sir. I need to do some routine maintenance and finish up some logs anyway."

John smiled his appreciation. "Thanks, Packard. Remind me to give you a commendation for finding a way to get this here. I'll send some pastries out in case you're hungry."

Packard nodded and entered the jumper again. John started for the cottage and Rodney shuffled along behind him. "Um, so did you uh … mention some pastries?"

John snorted as he shook his head in amazement. Some things never changed. "Yeah, McKay, there's pastries in the house. I'm sure we can get you some before you collapse."

"Oh, well, … no, I mean …" Rodney babbled. "It's just that I've been manning the radio at the gate for the last two days and had to make do with what was brought to me. But if you have extra food, I wouldn't want to refuse. Bad manners, you know."

They walked up to the porch and Rodney stopped for a second and said, "Oh, wait, Teyla didn't make this stuff did she? Has she learned how to cook any better than she did before?"

John chuckled. "No, Teyla didn't make it and no, she hasn't learned how to cook any better than she did before."

They walked in the door and saw Lorne and Ronon sitting in the chairs at the table snacking on the food Tenyse had sent back with them last night. They looked up when John walked in and did a double take when they saw McKay.

"How'd you get here, McKay?" Ronon grunted. "There's no way you walked here in one night."

Rodney explained about the jumper and sat right down to help himself to the basket of pastries. John rolled his eyes and grabbed a towel from the cabinet.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Try not to be too loud since Teyla's still sleeping. And can someone bring Packard some food?"" He left out the back door and Rodney looked perplexed.

"Why is he going outside to take a shower?"

"That's where the shower is," Lorne told him as Ronon grabbed some pastries and ran them outside.

Rodney cringed and got up to look around the big room. He made sure he took a few tarts while he did this though. He looked at the two closed doors off the main room and raised an eyebrow to the other man.

"Bedrooms," Lorne provided.

McKay shrugged and muttered, "Separate bedrooms, huh?" Apparently John and Teyla _hadn't_ managed to tell each other how they felt. Or maybe Ronon and Lorne had been wrong about their feelings and Rodney had been right in thinking there was nothing between them. Or maybe what happened to them had put them off any kind of romantic situations ever.

Ronon returned soon and Rodney continued checking out the place. As he was examining the water spout and whining softly about primitives, Sheppard came back in, just the towel wrapped around his waist. Rodney was about to chastise him for not putting any clothes on when he saw the still pink scars that crisscrossed John's arm, shoulder and neck.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"McKay!" John hissed as he looked toward the bedroom doors. "People are trying to sleep."

McKay waved his hands frantically in the air. "Why does she need more sleep than anyone else? And you didn't answer my question. You look like someone tried to chew your arm off."

"Some _thing_ is more like it," John answered. "It was a jacktu. It's a wolf-like creature that they have here. I got in a little tangle with one about a month back. I didn't really come out the winner."

"You're lucky you weren't killed. How'd you get away?"

John grinned. "Teyla came and kicked the crap out of it. Good thing, too. Now I'm gonna go get dressed so I don't insult your sensitivities any longer."

Sheppard disappeared into the door on the left and came back out a few minutes later. He walked over to the small metal box near the back door and took out some eggs. "Anyone for some scrambled eggs?"

McKay was about to yell that he was, then thought about it for a second. "What kind of animal are those from?"

"They're from a chicken-like bird that we raise. They're in a pen in the back yard if you want to go and check them out before you eat any. See if they meet with your approval. But if you go out there, maybe you could bring in any more eggs that they've laid. Teyla usually does it when she gets up but you could save her the trip."

"No," Rodney said but still looked doubtful. "I'll believe you and I'll have some. And I wouldn't want to deprive Teyla of something so stimulating."

John rolled his eyes and saw Ronon and Lorne do the same. They all agreed on eggs, too and John cracked a dozen in a bowl, whipped them up and poured the mixture into a pan he put on the wood stove. As he was moving the eggs around the pan, he heard a few whimpers from the second bedroom.

He looked down at the pan then at the bedroom again. Lorne stood up and walked over to the stove. "Let me finish these up. You go ahead."

"Thanks," John responded and headed to the bedroom.

"What, Teyla whimpers and he goes running," McKay snarked. "Is she okay? She's not sick, is she?" He hadn't seen her yet and wondered if maybe something was wrong with her that she would still be sleeping while everyone else was up and John would go running to her with just a few whimpers. _His_ shoulder looked like hell. Did _she_ have some equally horrible injury?

Ronon and Lorne just smirked at each other, knowing he'd find out soon enough. And when John appeared in the doorway and crossed the room with a baby in his arms, McKay's mouth dropped open. "Where the hell did you get that?"

John's mouth twisted as he answered, "Where do you think I got it, at the store?"

Ronon got some plates and Lorne dished up the eggs to place on the table as Rodney continued to blubber, "But, but … that's a baby!"

John lifted TJ to dangle in front of his face and he stuck his nose into the baby's belly as he cooed, "He just called you a baby. That's not very nice, is it? Oh, wait, you are a baby, aren't you? Yes, you are. _My_ little baby."

And with that he blew a raspberry on the infant's tummy. The child made little gurgling noises and reached out for his father's face. John continued to talk to him and kiss his nose and cheeks. The baby continued to gurgle and make little sounds of happiness.

Rodney just stared at his friend, horrified. John finally took pity on him and held Torren against his chest, facing out so Rodney could see him. "This is my son, Rodney. His name is Torren John Emmagen Sheppard."

"Emmagen Sheppard?" Rodney repeated his eyes still glazing over at the thought of Sheppard with a baby. "You and Teyla have a kid."

"Yes, we do," John stated as he sat at the table, moving Torren to one leg as he picked up his fork and started to eat. Rodney realized there was food in front of him and stopped his inquisition long enough to shove some in his mouth.

"These aren't bad," McKay commented dishing up more. "So back to the kid, how old is he?"

"Ten weeks," John replied. He could see Rodney's head figuring things out and wasn't surprised when he came to the conclusion that Torren had been conceived very shortly after they disappeared.

Rodney was indeed thinking that very thing but he was also thinking about the fact that maybe Sheppard wasn't the Daddy of this kid if Teyla had been abused like they thought. His mouth ran away from him before he could properly think out his next words.

"So how do you know.. ow!" Rodney felt a fierce kick to his shin and looked to where Ronon was glaring at him. Then he remembered that they had decided not to mention any of the slave stuff they'd seen or heard to Teyla and Sheppard if they were found.

"So how do you know what to do when this kid cries," Rodney improvised quickly, proud of himself for coming up with something appropriate so fast.

"You don't at first, believe me," John grinned. "But we sure did learn fast. And we've got some great friends here who have been a huge help in that area. I don't think we could have done it without them."

"Wow, a kid," Rodney was still bemused. "Do you _like_ having a kid?" He looked doubtful.

John pushed his plate away as he finished the last of his eggs and gave a big smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "Yeah, it's absolutely amazing. I can't even describe how great it feels." He lifted the baby up to his face again and started talking to him once more.

"Right, Pal, hasn't it been a whole lot of fun? Well except maybe when you keep me and Mommy up all night and you won't go to sleep. That's not all that much fun. But we've had a little talk about that, haven't we. And I have to admit you've been a lot better. And I appreciate that. And I know your Mom appreciates that, too. You know she gets a little cranky when she doesn't get her sleep. And your Mom cranky is no fun at all."

"John Sheppard!" Teyla's voice rang out from the doorway of the bedroom. John looked up guiltily and grimaced when he saw that Teyla was all dressed and ready for the day and had apparently been up for a short while.

He stood up and tucked the baby on his shoulder and pointed an elbow in McKay's direction. "Look, sweetie, Rodney's here." John knew calling her an endearment was almost always successful in getting him out of trouble; _almost_ always.

Teyla's eyes lit up when she saw their friend and she crossed the room swiftly to embrace him. "Rodney! It is wonderful to see you again. How did you get here?"

As Rodney filled her in on the jumper situation, John thought he'd gotten out of that predicament quite nicely. But when Teyla eased away from McKay, her gaze slid to John again and suggested, "Perhaps you could cook me some eggs as well." She took Torren from John and sat at the table then added impishly, "Just so I do not get … _cranky_."

John slinked away and began throwing together some breakfast for her. He poured her a cup of tea and then brought her eggs to her. "I added a little cheese, just how you like it." And then he kissed her cheek before he sat in another chair around the table and took Torren back to hold while she ate.

Teyla loved it when he felt guilty. She knew it was wrong of her but she always took advantage of the situation anyway. She could usually get him to change many more diapers this way than he normally would.

"Now that we have a jumper here, we can start filling it and maybe even take a few more things than we originally thought," John suggested.

"Again," Rodney groused sarcastically, "What could you possibly need from here? These cute little baskets?" He held up the basket that the pastries had been in.

"That basket belongs to Bessa," Teyla declared. "We will need to return it before we go."

"Okay, whatever," McKay whined. "Just finish up your eggs and let's get your stuff and get out of here."

"Um, can't exactly do that, McKay," John informed him reluctantly. "The people here in town are having a little get-together this afternoon for us. Kind of like a going away party. We owe it to them to at least stay for that. These people have done more for us than we can ever repay."

Rodney looked like he was about to argue again but Ronon glared at him and growled. Rodney's eyes widened and he backed up a little in his chair. "Fine, we have your little party and then we get out of here, okay?"

John and Teyla nodded then Lorne piped up, "You know, Sir, we'll need to get the two of you another set of quarters. Either one of yours will be too small for all three of you." Lorne was now glad that nobody had had the heart to pack up their quarters. It had been discussed many times but the act would have been just too final.

"Yeah, I've thought of that," John admitted. "Although for the first night or so we'll just have to use Teyla's place. I think she has a little more room than me and it's a homier atmosphere. You got any place in mind, Lorne?"

"Actually, Sir, yes. A few months ago we managed to explore some more buildings over in the Northern part of the city. Some of the rooms on the lower floors had some water damage but any of the ones over the third floor were fine. And we found quite a few apartments that had two and three bedrooms and even small kitchens. Something like that sound good?"

"Sounds great," John's grinned. "There weren't any that actually had balconies were there?"

"A few," Lorne nodded and smiled. Rodney's face scrunched up and he pouted.

"Sam wouldn't let _me_ have one of those apartments. What makes you think she'll authorize one for Sheppard and Teyla?"

"She said you couldn't have one _yet_ ," Ronon corrected. "And you wanted the top floor suite with the roof access. She didn't think it would be good for anyone to be that accessible if someone came along looking for us."

"Looking for the penthouse suite, Rodney?" John quipped. He didn't really care where Rodney lived but he did want someplace for Teyla and him to be comfortable and have enough room for the baby's things. "What do you think, Teyla?"

"As long as we are together, John, I will be happy. But I suppose it would be nice if Torren had his own room and we also had one separate from the living area. We spent too long in just this one room. I have grown accustomed now to having the separate bedrooms."

John reached over and squeezed Teyla's hand and gave her a private smile. Ronon saw this and noticed that it wasn't the first time they had done something like that. And he had to admit to being really pleased about it. He had been worried about these two for so long and now that he knew what they had endured here was actually quite good, he was very relieved. They deserved some happiness.

The breakfast dishes were cleared from the table and Teyla began to wash them as John changed Torren's bottom. He then handed the child over to Ronon and told him he needed to get used to this since they planned on using him as a babysitter occasionally. Ronon happily agreed and settled himself in a chair by the fire. Lorne helped Teyla with the dishes and John announced that he would go get the eggs from the ' _chickens'_ and feed them as well.

He put on a light coat as the mornings were still crisp and headed out the back door. Rodney got up and followed him, claiming to want to see what these ' _chickens'_ looked like.

"So you're looking very domesticated, Sheppard," Rodney said with a strange look on his face as John gathered some eggs. "You gonna be able to get back to fighting Wraith again?"

John just glared at Rodney though his thoughts weren't far from his friend's. It had been a year since he had done anything military and maybe his reflexes would be dulled by the time he'd spent here. But he hoped everything would come back as soon as he stepped back in the city and got into the routine there. If not, he might be in real big trouble. He could wind up back on Earth pushing papers around some desk. And if that was the case, he'd much rather be on Dimitta.

"I'll be fine, McKay," John assured him, trying as much to reassure _himself_. He threw some grain for the fowl then walked around the garden a bit. He sighed when he realized it would just get overgrown. It was too bad; they had some really good crops in it this past year. Maybe Zeth would want the cottage and would replant the garden. He was an adult now. He'd have to ask him.

John began walking toward the river and Rodney just followed along. He didn't know why he was following except he really wanted to spend some time with Sheppard and maybe find out what had gone on the past year he was missing.

When they got to the river, John sat on the bench he'd made and stared at the water rushing by. Rodney sat next to him.

"So you and Teyla, huh?" Rodney started awkwardly.

John just chuckled softly. "Yeah, me and Teyla."

"And a baby and everything. Wow, I still can't get over that."

"Well, get over it, McKay, it's real and it's not going anywhere. Teyla and Torren and I are a family now."

"You know," McKay pointed his finger at John's face, "when you talk about the kid and Teyla, you get this look in your eyes and it's something I haven't seen before. It's kind of nice, though. Different but nice."

John rolled his eyes and smirked. "What? Emotion? Yeah, guess I haven't been really good at showing that too often. But there's something about a baby that just shoves it right in your face and the damndest thing is you don't really care. You want it there."

McKay nodded, understanding what he was saying. "But you know, Sheppard, you get that look even when you look at or talk to Teyla. I'm guessing there's a lot more emotion there now, too. Am I right?"

John gave a deep sigh and thought about that question for a while. "I think my feelings for Teyla have always been pretty deep but I just tried to hide them so much that no one ever saw them."

"Well apparently Ronon and Lorne did," McKay provided.

John gave a tiny smile. "Yeah, but after all we've been through together, the feelings I always had for her have been strengthened so much more. She honestly is the most amazing woman I've ever met."

Rodney stared at John for a few seconds. "You are completely in love with her, aren't you?"

John just shrugged and nodded his head. "Yes, _absolutely_ and completely. I don't know what I'd do without her, McKay."

"So do you think the SGC will have anything to say about the two of you being together? You are on the same team after all and aren't there rules and regulations about things like that?"

John was quiet for a second then answered, "It doesn't matter what they think; we're married and no one can do anything about that."

"Wait!" McKay shouted loudly. "You two are married? When did this happen?"

John chuckled at Rodney's indignation. Was he expecting an invitation to the wedding? "We've been here a year, McKay and we were having a child. We thought it was a good thing to do before we had the baby. And like you said, we love each other, that alone is a good enough reason."

"Yeah, I guess it is," McKay acknowledged. He looked thoughtful for a second then questioned, "So if I wasn't invited to the wedding, I don't actually have to get you a wedding gift, do I?"

John's laugh could be heard all the way back to the house. He couldn't believe McKay had said that. But really thinking about it, he did believe it. It was so totally McKay. He had really missed this man, if only to make him laugh at the utter absurdity of his comments. Yeah, he would miss his friends here. But he had so missed his old friends too. This short conversation with Rodney had just shown him how much.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgagsa

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	25. Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25

Chapter 25

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"Seriously, McKay, you can't walk one stinking mile," John snarled as Rodney suggested they take the jumper to the good bye party at the town community center. "It's a nice sunny day and the weather warmed up since this morning. And I'm guessing you could probably use the exercise."

Rodney grumbled quite loudly and huffed, "Fine, but don't think just because you were missing for a year that you're going to get your way _all_ the time. It's not like I even missed you that much."

"He's full of crap, Sir," Lorne muttered under his breath as he sidled up to Sheppard on their way to town. "I heard him sniffling at your funeral."

"I heard that!" McKay bellowed and Teyla gave him a dirty look as Torren startled against her chest, wrapped in the sling around her shoulders. "And I wasn't sniffling. My allergies were acting up. It was springtime on Earth and all the pollen was bothering me."

Ronon chuckled. "He had a few tears when the MALP showed us your dog tag nailed to the tree, too. But I don't think there was anything in Atlantis for him to be allergic to that time."

Rodney just humphed and moved a bit faster than everyone else. "Maybe we should do that all the time if it will get him to move quicker," Lorne suggested.

The others chuckled and they spent the rest of the trip with Lorne filling them in on many of the missions that had occurred during the past year. John was very interested in this since he didn't want the SGC to have any basis for removing him from his position as Military Commander of the city. Especially since he hadn't really been the Military Commander of the city in far too long. He wasn't sure if there was a precedence for this.

When they approached Finn and Tenyse's house, the family came out and walked along with them. John and Teyla introduced them to Rodney and Packard, who had left the jumper cloaked back at the cottage, just in case.

"Uh, _Doctor_ Rodney McKay," Rodney corrected as he shook Finn's hand.

"A doctor, huh?" Finn gave a wry smile. "We sure could have used you last lunar cycle when John was attacked by the jacktu. Shalise did a fine job but her training is not complete."

"Uh, not that kind of doctor," Rodney stammered. "I'm a scientist."

Finn and Tenyse looked confused as to why anyone not medical would be called a doctor but remained quiet on the subject. Lorne looked at the couple and offered, "I'm guessing that our Chief Medical Officer would be more than happy to come visit and help your healer with medicines and techniques."

"Shalise would be most grateful, I'm sure," Tenyse said. "But it is a far journey to undertake too often."

"Actually, Lt. Packard here was able to maneuver one of our jumpers, a small flying ship, past the trees and it's back at the cottage," John told them. "With the right person flying, I think we could manage the trip in, what you'd say it took, Packard, an hour?"

Packard shook his head and Finn looked amazed at the thought. And John thought he also seemed relieved. John knew seeing the jumper and learning it was possible to actually get it through the gate had made him feel a hell of a lot better, too.

With a two day walk being typical for travel here, John knew, even with the best of intentions, he wouldn't get back here very often. But if they could get here in under an hour with a jumper, trips could be made a bit more. He figured Atlantis might even want to start a trade agreement. This planet had much fertile ground and plenty of people who could possibly work the land for them. With the right incentive, like better medical care, medicines and equipment, John knew many people would give their time to plant food for trade with Atlantis. And there were some crops that were hardy enough to grow all year since frost did not happen too often.

He looked at Tenyse and thought of all she had made for them while they were here and wondered if he could get Sam to throw some of the woman's fruit tarts into the bargain. Once Sam tasted them, he figured she'd be hooked, too.

John thought about all the possibilities they could bring to this planet and knew he'd make sure his schedule was free every time someone planned to come here for trade or training. He figured Teyla might try to rearrange her schedule a bit also. He knew she would miss Tenyse's friendship immensely. She had gotten so much baby advice from the woman and right now there wasn't anyone on Atlantis who had actually had children. Or at least he didn't think so. He'd been gone a year.

"Anybody have any kids in the city while we were gone?" John threw out the question and Lorne and Ronon looked amused.

"Looking for friends for little Torren here, Sir," Lorne asked.

John looked sheepish but didn't say anything. Rodney of course did.

" _No_ , you're the _only_ one who went and decided to become a Daddy."

John could see that Rodney was about to continue his little rant but Ronon gave him an intense stare and he shut up. And he really could debate what Rodney said because neither he nor Teyla had made the _decision_ to become parents, it had simply happened. But now that they had a child, he couldn't imagine anything else.

"Perhaps once people see how enthralled we are with having a child, more will follow in our footsteps," Teyla suggested smugly, keeping her eye on Rodney's dubious face.

Rodney seemed about to say something then looked at Ronon and stayed silent.

Finn and Tenyse picked up the conversation and asked the four new Lanteans questions about the city and what they did there. Zeth seemed quite curious as well to what it was like off this world and John realized he had not ever left this planet. Conversation flowed freely until they arrived at the community center and they went inside. John noticed that Kelina had remained quiet the whole way and he felt really guilty again. He knew she didn't mean to but she almost stared at the newcomers with hostility, her thoughts that they were stealing him and Teyla away from here. Hopefully he could help her feel better and try to convince her they would come to visit as often as it was possible. But they were used to seeing these people daily and he knew their visits would not be that frequent, obviously.

People surrounded them as soon as they walked in the door and Bessa, as always, scooped Torren from Teyla's arms. But Teyla didn't mind. She almost thought of Bessa as a surrogate grandmother to her son. She knew he could have no better. She caught the sob that rose in her throat at this thought and knew she would have to keep herself under tight control. Otherwise she could very easily become very emotional over the idea of leaving.

But she and John had discussed this not only at the river yesterday but as they lay in bed last evening while she was giving Torren his final feeding of the night. Atlantis was where they belonged and they knew it was the right decision but they also knew that knowledge wouldn't make leaving any easier. Just like the people of Atlantis, the people here had become family.

The Lanteans were very popular and Rodney finally got over his grumpy mood when everyone wanted to know what he did and how important he was in the city. They were fascinated with all the information he gave them about the Ancestors and the technology they left behind. Although Rodney knew he could only tell them about a small portion of what they really knew. But these people didn't even have electricity; anything he told them about was beyond their wildest dreams.

And Fenid had brought the Ancient box that John had been looking at when Teyla had gone into labor. John had finally figured out what it was a few weeks ago and everyone was fascinated. It was a recording device as he has suspected but it showed the images in hologram. John had initialized it for him and Fenid spent much of the afternoon recording John and Teyla talking and laughing with their friends. He knew it would come in handy when everyone began missing them too much.

Fenid also had an ulterior motive. He figured anyone wanting to see the images had to come visit him to do it. He had many friends but as he lived by himself, he was often lonely. John smiled at this and was actually happy that their leaving would help the old man in some small way.

John looked around, knowing they needed to leave fairly soon. They'd all been here a few hours and John and Teyla had managed to touch base with almost everyone here at some point. But some of these final goodbyes would be worse than others. And it still stung that Tim wasn't here and he would come back to Teyla and him already gone. He had left a special message on the hologram machine just for Tim. He hoped his new friend understood.

Surprisingly Rodney wasn't bugging them to go back. On their way here he had done nothing but grouse about having to come to the 'stupid' party when they could have been back home already. Rodney had been away from his lab for three days and was afraid his minions would have blown up his lab by now or at least screwed up most of his experiments and research. But the amount of good food and the hordes of people asking his advice about designing new equipment and machinery had Rodney in his glory.

John found Teyla and pulled her to his side. "Think we should start saying actual goodbyes to people? The little guy will need to go down for the night soon and we both know how cranky he gets when we screw up his schedule."

Teyla put her hand on John's arm and teased, "Yes, just like his mother."

John actually gave a little pout of contrition even though he knew Teyla was only joking. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips and said, "You know how much I love you, right Teyla?"

"Yes," she breathed out in return. "But I still love you more."

His lips returned to hers again for another taste. "And I love you the most."

"Ew! Really?" Rodney grimaced as he came up behind them. "Please tell me you two aren't going to be all lovey dovey now when we get you back to the city. Because if you are, I might just have to leave you here."

John's lips twitched in amusement. "So if we do stuff like this," and he stuck his nose in Teyla's neck and nuzzled for a second, "you'll leave us alone?"

Rodney's face scrunched up even more and he acknowledged, "Oh, yeah, definitely."

John and Teyla laughed heartily and John replied, "Good to know."

Rodney glanced at his watch then back at his long lost friends. "Are you two almost finished saying good bye to everyone here? It's getting pretty late and the time on Atlantis will be even later."

"What's the rush, McKay?" John asked. "It's not like you ever sleep anyway."

"Har, har," he snapped back. "It just so happens that when I do sleep I prefer to do it on a nice soft bed and not on the hard ground or a bench in the back of a jumper."

John gave a heavy sigh and looked around the room. "Yeah, give us a few minutes to say good bye to a few people."

"I thought that's what you were supposed to be doing the whole time you were here," McKay griped.

"We have been, Rodney," Teyla soothed him in her calm voice. "But there are a few people who we have become very close to over the time we have been here and we do not feel that we can just walk out of the room without one last word of farewell."

"Fine!" he conceded snappishly. "But get on with it, okay?"

"Thank you, Rodney, for your patience and understanding," Teyla smiled at him.

John closed his eyes at the absurdity of her statement but he knew it was just Teyla's gracious way of showing him that maybe he should be patient and understanding. He took Teyla's hand and moved toward Shalise and Tolden. He could tell by their faces that they knew why they were approaching.

"It is time for us to leave," Teyla explained. "John and I are both very torn and wish there were some way to stay on both worlds but we promise we will come to visit." Teyla took another deep breath and continued emotionally, "I know that our Doctor Keller would be more than willing to come and visit here. She has extensive knowledge and I am sure she could help you far better in some things than I ever could. I will speak with her as soon as we return."

Shalise smiled at Teyla but remained silent, tears gathering in her eyes. John took Shalise's hand and squeezed it tight. "I don't know what we would have done without you, Shalise. You gave Teyla work to do and have been such a good friend. You were right there to deliver our son and then make sure we weren't gonna screw him up the first few days. I know I had my doubts about our abilities on taking care of him."

"You have been wonderful parents, John," she assured him. "Both you and Teyla. You have such love for your child and for each other and that will help you through much in life and in parenting. I wish you well and will miss you immensely." Her voice cracked at this last word and the tears started to flow in earnest. John gave her a quick hug then allowed Teyla to be swallowed by her embrace.

John stepped back and shook Tolden's hand as the women remained holding each other. "Take care of her, okay. She's a great lady and she deserves some great things. I hope you know how lucky you are."

Tolden firmly took John's hand and answered, "Oh, I know. Just wish I had admitted it to myself and made my move sooner. We could have been together for longer than we have been."

John's smile grew crooked. "Yeah, that scenario sounds vaguely familiar. But the important thing is that you're together now. Just make sure you don't do anything to change that. I've been trying to take that same advice for myself."

Teyla finally pulled herself away from Shalise and John could see the devastation on her face. He drew her into his arms and kissed her damp cheek. "We'll come back soon, Teyla, I promise."

They moved across the room and came to Bessa and Shuntar. Torren had been passed around the room quite a bit but had ended up back with Bessa again. Teyla felt more tears begin as she placed her hand on her son's back. John took the baby as Teyla hugged her friend.

"Thank you, Bessa, for all you have done while we have been here. You have given me so much advice and assisted me in making outfits for Torren as he continued to grow. I do not wish for him to ever forget you. John assures me we will be back to visit. His people have found a way to get one of their ships safely through the ring without compromising any of the hindrances you have left for the Wraith. And so we will return, I know we will. But it may be some time and not as frequent as we have seen each other while we were here. This thought saddens me."

John was saying goodbye to Shuntar as well. "You've been a good friend and a great partner. Make sure you tell Tim that I expect him to continue with the plans we started for some of the other equipment. And when I get back to Atlantis, I'll see if I can get _real_ plans for a few things that might come in handy around here. And I'll be back, don't you worry. We've got a way to get here quicker than the typical two day trip so it won't be as hard as I originally thought." He shook the older man's hand and gave him a slap on the shoulder. "Make sure you keep Tim out of trouble, huh? He doesn't always know how to do it himself. And Finn certainly is no help in that area."

Shuntar laughed when he thought of John and the other two men and their little sojourn into the river after a night at the tavern. He wasn't sure John was capable of keeping himself out of trouble either.

Teyla finally released Bessa, although reluctantly, and her face was no more dry than it had been with Shalise. John gave Bessa a one armed hug and the woman gave Torren one last kiss and caress, her eyes filled with sorrow. He knew she had loved TJ as much as any grandparent could.

As they walked toward the door, Rodney surprisingly subdued, all around people waved and called out farewells. Finn and his family departed with them as they would be walking back to the jumper to say _their_ last goodbyes. John and Teyla knew they would be the hardest to say goodbye to and wanted a bit more privacy for that last act.

John saw Kelina standing with her friends looking uncertain. He figured she might not want to say goodbye later. He walked over to her and gave her one of his most dashing smiles. "Come on, sweetie, we need our family to be with us when we go and that's you. You'll get to see the jumper and tell you what, maybe at another time, I can come get you and bring you back to Atlantis with us. Would you like to see the city?"

Kelina's eyes lit up and she saw her friends all stare open mouthed at the possibility. John knew Kelina would be the center of attention again for a while, just having seen the Ancestor's ship but if she actually went to Atlantis, that would solidify her standing in the town with the teenage girls for a lifetime. Kelina moved into John's outstretched arm and he pulled her in close as they walked to follow the others out the door.

The long walk was fairly quiet with only Rodney making noises every now and then about the lack of transportation on this planet.

"You actually walked this far to work every morning, Teyla," Rodney inquired, astounded. "Even when you were pregnant?"

"Yes, Rodney," Teyla answered. "It was very good exercise and I think it may have made my labor come on when it did. It started after just such a walk."

Rodney's face squeezed tight and he complained, "Okay too much information, thank you. At least I didn't have to be there for the delivery. I probably would have passed out at the first contraction."

"I do not believe so," Teyla contradicted. "You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Some day when you have a child you will see that indeed."

"McKay with a child," Ronon snorted. "That would be quite a sight."

Rodney glared at Ronon but didn't say anything. Too soon they came to where Packard had landed the jumper and he decloaked it. Finn and his family jumped back wordless and stared.

John opened the back and before he went in handed the baby to Rodney. Rodney looked panicked. "What do you want _me_ to do with this thing?"

John chuckled. "Just hold him, McKay. I haven't been in a jumper in a year. I want to see if they still respond to me the same."

"What, did you think you lost the ATA gene while you were here?" McKay snarled sarcastically.

"No," John answered honestly but he did admit to wondering if he still had what it took to actually control the Ancient tech. He had been in the jumper earlier to load all of their stuff but he hadn't actually started it up. Now he sat in the pilot's chair and did some pre-flight checks while Finn and Zeth checked out the insides. Tenyse and Kelina were also looking around curiously and Rodney was trying to explain in language he called 'Jumpers for Dummies'.

After just a few moments John knew he needed to get it over with and finally say goodbye to these people who had been more than family to them over the last year. They had been their lifeline and their sanity and he knew they wouldn't have made it through without them. He just wasn't sure he could actually say all that; at least not without breaking down and shedding a few tears himself.

He pulled himself out of the seat and grabbed Zeth's extended hand. "I have to tell you it's been an immense pleasure watching you grow just in the last year. And now that Teyla and I won't be around, we thought perhaps you might like to use the cottage; I mean when you're ready to move out on your own. The garden needs to be turned over and planted with fresh crops but I fertilized it all winter so hopefully the soil is good and rich."

Zeth looked bewildered then turned to his parents who smiled deeply. "You are an adult now, son," Finn agreed. "It might be time soon to make your own way."

Zeth pumped John's hand then kissed Teyla on the cheek as he hugged her. "Thank you, yes, I will take the cottage."

"You'll have to take care of the birds, too. They need to be fed and have their eggs collected every day," John instructed cheekily as Zeth was the one who had taught _him_ how to care for them.

Kelina came next and John pulled on the end of one her long braids. "Stay as sweet as you are. And I promise when we come back we'll make arrangements for you to come get a tour of Atlantis, okay."

Kelina's lip quivered and her eyes filled once again with the tears she could not hold back. She reached her arms around John's neck and he gave her a snug embrace. These were usually very difficult for him but maybe because she was still a young girl and he knew she just needed comfort, it wasn't as hard. Or maybe he had just grown emotionally. Now wouldn't that be a fete.

He eased Kelina away and she moved right into Teyla's arms. He could hear Teyla sniff alongside Kelina.

"Thank you, Kelina, for all you have done for us. Besides the lovely companionship you always supplied, you have been instrumental in giving us assistance with Torren when he was first born, providing me with extra household help and especially for all you did while John was injured. Your assistance was priceless. I will miss seeing your happy face every day. However as John says we will make every effort to return at times and when we do, your family will be our first visit."

Teyla and Kelina embraced and John could see the girl didn't want to let go. But she did finally and took a few steps to remove Torren from Rodney's very uncomfortable grip, the ' _thank God'_ slipping out of his lips unnoticed by him.

Next, John moved to Tenyse while Teyla moved into Finn's arms. Embraces were exchanged and even a few tears were shed; John again promising they would visit soon. Now John stood in front of Finn while Teyla faced Tenyse. He wasn't sure he could do this. The thought of returning soon was the only thing getting him through this.

He grasped Finn's hand and held it tight as Finn returned the pressure. John tried to speak but found his throat extremely dry and a huge lump in his throat. Finn seemed to be afflicted with something similar.

Finn got over his affliction first. "This is not goodbye, my friend. You have said so yourself many times today. And I know you to be an honest and decent man. You are also a man who brought my beloved wife back to me after nine long winters apart. There is no repayment for that. But know this, should you ever need me, you may send for me and I will be there for you. It is the least I can do for someone who returned my most precious possession to me and sacrificed so much in the process. You could have used the ring first to go home but you are a man who does what is right and good and you felt it right and good to ensure Tenyse got safely returned to her home. The price you paid was very great although I must admit to a selfishness in being happy that the events happened as they did. Your friendship has meant much to me."

John's jaw clenched as he tried to gain some control. He still didn't think he could actually say any words. So he nodded his head and mumbled, "Yeah, me too."

He needed to blink his eyes a few times and take a deep breath but when Finn pulled him in for an embrace, John didn't resist. He gave a tight squeeze and then stepped back.

Both men turned to their wives who were now crying in each other's arms. Teyla didn't know what had gotten into her. She was never this emotional but ever since she had delivered the baby, her feelings were all over the place. Shalise had mentioned her hormones could still be in abundance but Teyla hoped it would end soon. It was very tiring.

But now saying goodbye to Tenyse was tiring also, emotionally so.

"I must thank you once again for all you have done for us while we resided here," Teyla sniffed. "You not only provided us with a place to live and arranged for people to share meals with us but you shared your own family with us even though you had not seen them yourself in so long. You made sure we always had everything we needed and you tirelessly attempted to instruct me to cook even when you realized I did not have the skill and never would. And then the constant gifts of pastries and dinners at your house were so wonderful especially as we got to share it with your beautiful family. Your generosity did not end though and you gave of yourself so unselfishly while I was giving birth and then again when John was injured and many other times as well. There are not words that can convey how much I appreciate what you have done; how much _we_ ," and she took John's hand in hers, "appreciate what you have done."

Tenyse pulled Teyla in for one final hug then she wiped her eyes and moved from the inside of the ship. Her family followed her. As they looked in toward their friends ready to go back to the life they once had she said, "Good journey, dear friends. I know our paths will cross again, of that I am sure. Until then we will say farewell."

"Au revoir," John said with a grin. "That's a language on my world and it means 'until we see you again.' And if I have anything to say about it _, we will_. You can count on that."

Finn and Tenyse pulled their children away from the ship and watched as the back closed. John and Teyla just stood gazing at the closed hatch for a moment and finally shook free from their trance when Packard started up the jumper and called out for everyone to have a seat.

John and Teyla moved to the back benches and chuckled as Ronon, who had somehow ended up with the baby, made silly faces and babbled nonsense to Torren. Rodney looked aghast when he saw the child was playing with an LSD. He moved quickly to remove it from his hands then stopped to stare at the display that was lit up.

"Hey, this kid has the gene!" Rodney bellowed as he placed his hand on the small device.

John snorted and shook his head. "Of course he does, McKay. He's _my_ son."

"I know but I thought maybe …" he suddenly stopped, realizing what he was about to say and backpedaled, "maybe the gene didn't show up in kids until they were older. We never really tested that out."

Lorne gazed back at Sheppard and Teyla and a sly smile curled his lips up. The baby had the ATA gene. His relief was palpable. And it wasn't even his child but he knew Keller would probably do all sorts of tests on all three of them once they got back and the truth would have come out soon enough if Sheppard hadn't fathered the child. But now there wasn't a problem. The baby was definitely his.

John shook his head again and relaxed against the back of the bench. He looked through the window out the front and thought he should probably go sit up front so he'd know the way but he knew the HUD would have all that information for him whenever he needed it. And he knew he _would_ need it at some point, hopefully soon. For now he would just enjoy the ride.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	26. Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 26

Chapter 26

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"Incoming wormhole!" Chuck announced as the chevrons on the gate started to glow. There was a definite buzz in the control room and Sam Carter moved quickly to check that it was indeed Sheppard and Teyla coming back home.

Rodney had sent word that they had found the two of them and they were both safe and well. But he had also complained that they had needed a little more time to say good bye to all their new friends. Sam thought he almost sounded jealous at this idea. She knew McKay and Sheppard had been really good friends, although she always wondered how that was, as they were two very different people. But then she thought of Jack and Daniel and their friendship and knew anything was possible.

The gate whooshed out and a jumper appeared in the gate room. She could only see Lt. Packard and Lorne in the front seat but they nodded to her and then headed to the jumper bay. She moved quickly and headed there as well. She wanted to see Sheppard and Teyla and check for herself that they were all right. On her way, she radioed Keller and gave her a warning that the two lost inhabitants would be heading her way soon.

By the time she got there, the jumper had settled into its regular docking location and the hatch was just lowering. She could see the SO's on duty were standing at the ready but they also were very eager to see their CO after so long away.

She walked up to the hatch and John was the first one she saw. He was standing waiting for the ramp to go all the way down and he was surrounded by a few piles of items. Sam saw some wooden thing that looked like a piece of furniture and it was filled with quilts and canvas bags that were stuffed with other items. She wasn't sure why they needed all this stuff but she'd allow anything to help these two readjust to life here. She knew it wouldn't be easy.

She took a second to examine John as he walked down the ramp to greet her. He was a bit thinner than he had been and his hair was longer and he sported a beard. As he moved closer she noticed some scarring along his neck and when her eyes moved down his arm, she saw that there was a bit more that showed where his shirt sleeve had been rolled up. She guessed their time away hadn't been all fun and games. But she already knew that from the tapes they'd seen.

"John," Sam held out her hand and gripped his tightly. "I don't even know how to say how sorry we are that we couldn't locate you sooner. But I sure am glad you're back now."

They lowered their hands and John shook his head. "Not your fault, Colonel. We knew there wasn't much to go on. We were kind of surprised that you managed to find us at all. But we're glad you never gave up on us. It means a lot."

Sam just smiled, not really sure she could vocalize anything that would help in this situation. She looked up as Teyla strolled down the ramp behind John and she noticed John's face and eyes light up just at her presence. Sam figured maybe these two had gotten much closer while they'd been away and John's face was proof of that. They must have needed to rely heavily on each other during that time and she knew that would have changed their relationship in many ways.

"Colonel Carter!" Teyla beamed and gave her a quick embrace. Sam had liked Teyla from the moment she had met her several years ago during another mission. When she had been placed here in charge of the base, they had become quick friends and respected each other deeply. Unfortunately that had been taken away soon after Sam had arrived and John and Teyla had been abducted. Hopefully they could resume that relationship.

"Teyla, you don't know how glad I am that you two are okay. There were times that we thought the worst."

"Yes," Teyla replied. "We understand that you were informed that we had been killed. It must have been a difficult thing for everyone here. John and I thought often of our friends here and wished that we could ease the suffering of those who cared for us."

"Once we got word that you had been found and you were both fine, I sent a message to the Athosians letting them know. They're very eager to see you, as you can imagine."

"Yes, I am eager as well to see my people. Perhaps soon I will be able to get there."

Sam looked at John and Teyla and said, "Well, you know what protocol is, John, for after a trip through the gate. The infirmary for both of you."

"You mean all _three_ ," McKay blurted out as he thumped heavily down the ramp.

Sam narrowed her eyes at him and replied, "Are you including yourself in that? Because yes, you Lorne, Ronon and Packard all need to go too. But I think John and Teyla are a priority right now."

" _Not_ including myself," McKay snorted. "Talking about _this_." And he turned to indicate Ronon who was carrying Torren in his arms as he exited the jumper.

Sam's eyes widened as John scooped the baby out of Ronon's arms and snuggled the sleeping child against his chest. He lowered his face and placed a tender kiss on the baby's head. When John looked up, his smile was sheepish.

Teyla smiled also. "Colonel, this is our son, Torren John."

"Wow!" Sam exclaimed and her eyes opened and closed a few times. "Um, well congratulations I guess. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised as you were gone for quite a while. So, okay, all three of you need to go get checked out by Keller. She's waiting for you in the infirmary. After that why don't you get some rest? I _will_ want a full debrief in the morning but I know your time was a little different from ours. How about we say thirteen hundred in the conference room?"

"Sounds fair," John agreed and motioned for the airmen to get someone to deliver their things to Teyla's quarters. Teyla slipped her hand through John's arm and they left the jumper bay. Sam waited for Lorne and Packard to exit as well and then asked Packard if he could help unload the jumper.

She motioned for Lorne, Ronon and Rodney to follow her. As they walked down the deserted corridor she paused and looked around ensuring the hallway was empty. "How old is that baby?"

McKay smirked. "You're thinking what we all thought already. But the kid is Sheppard's. Conan here let him play with an LSD and the kid managed to turn it on. ATA gene and one that strong, yep definitely Sheppard's kid."

Sam breathed out a deep sigh of relief. It was bad enough what the two of them had needed to endure when they had been captured but for Teyla to have to live with the results if the baby had been fathered by someone else, that would have been extremely difficult.

"You haven't said anything to them about what we know, have you?" Sam checked with the group.

Ronon snarled and said, "I had to kick McKay here a few times to keep him from blurting things out but no, we haven't said anything."

Sam glared at Rodney. "Good, let's keep it that way. These two have been through enough. We don't need to add more stress to what they already have in store for them just with this transition they'll be facing. And I'm pretty sure that knowing people are aware of the horrors they went through, that would add some pretty big stress."

Sam continued walking down the hall and the others followed. "Now the rest of you also need to have your post mission checks. Then get some rest. I'll expect you all there tomorrow when Sheppard and Teyla meet with me. I think they might need the support."

"Don't worry," Ronon assured her. "I don't plan on letting them out of my sight for a while."

The others nodded in agreement and headed for the infirmary.

.

.

Teyla walked into the infirmary first and Marie immediately pulled her in for an embrace. Teyla returned the pressure and again felt like she was back home. They had seen a few people in the corridor on the way here and everyone had greeted them with enthusiastic hugs and handshakes and also many surprised looks when they saw the infant in John's arms. She knew that would be quite the gossip fodder for a long while. There was no escaping it in a city of this size.

Jennifer Keller walked out of a back room and her face brightened at the sight of Teyla. Another hug ensued and Jennifer immediately began asking a million questions about Teyla's health.

"Have you had any major injuries or illnesses during the past year? I'll need a list of any medications you were on and …"

Jennifer stopped her litany as she saw Colonel Sheppard come in. First, the sight of him had made many people stop and stare. The beard, longer hair and thinner appearance were so different from the Military Commander who had left here twelve months ago. But the thing that really gave her pause was the sight of the baby that he held so lovingly in his arms.

"Um, … okay, … I'm guessing there are a few things you'll need to fill me in on. Like this," and she pointed to the child.

John grinned. "Hey Doc, we brought you a new patient and when I say _new_ I mean _really_ new. His name is Torren John."

"Wow," Jennifer said and Teyla chuckled when she realized that many people would be saying that to them over the next few days.

"All right," Jennifer started again, shaking her head to clear it and get back to business. "I'll need to do a complete physical since you've both been gone so long. Marie has hospital gowns for you and you can change behind the screens."

John was about to complain but Keller simply shook her head not even allowing any room for argument. Jennifer moved closer and slipped her hands around the sleeping infant. "Why don't I give him a good once over and put him under the scanner while you two get ready. Back there," And she indicated the back room which John was happy to see was a bit more private.

He and Teyla moved in that direction and Marie pulled the curtains around the separate beds that resided in the room. John just chuckled at that since he and Teyla had obviously seen it all with each other. They had a child together after all and they'd been living together for a year.

Jennifer came in a few minutes later and went into Teyla's partition first. "Your son looks absolutely perfect. I'm guessing he's somewhere around two to three months old, is that right?"

"Ten weeks," Teyla answered and then questioned with concern. "You did not find anything wrong with him, did you?"

Jennifer smile reassuringly. "I put him under the scanner and everything. He's perfectly healthy. What have you been feeding him?"

"Only breast milk," Teyla responded. "We did not have anything else available where we were located."

"Nothing wrong with that," Jennifer replied. "It's what God gave us to feed babies with. And your little guy is obviously getting plenty. How does he sleep?"

"Not enough," came through the screen from John's side of the room and Jennifer laughed. It was the complaint of all new parents.

Teyla simply answered, "He will sleep typically six or seven hours a night and then take approximately three naps a day. Some only short and others as long as a few hours."

Jennifer nodded. "Sounds fairly normal for a child that age. Some sleep for longer periods of time at night and some for less but I'd say he's somewhere in the middle. Has he been ill at all since he's been born?"

"No," Teyla nodded and Jennifer then began asking her questions about her pregnancy and delivery and other woman stuff that John tried to tune out. But when she asked if Teyla had engaged in sexual intercourse since the child, his ears perked up, especially when she asked if Teyla had experienced any pain during that time. He never knew there could be pain doing that after having a baby. Of course he'd never had sex with anyone who'd ever had kids. But thinking of the delivery and all it entailed, he could see that there might pain after. Why had he never thought of that before?

"No, it was not uncomfortable," Teyla replied and John breathed a sigh of relief. But he was still unsettled. He would never want to hurt Teyla in any way and he hoped he had been gentle enough with her when they had first started having sex again. Not that it had been very often as Torren still needed feeding so frequently and when he was asleep, he and Teyla tried to do the same.

Jennifer moved Teyla to the scanner and ran a few routine scans. When she was done Teyla was allowed to dress again and Keller moved in to do John's physical. When she pulled down the hospital gown to listen to his chest, she gasped audibly.

"Oh, my gosh, Colonel, what happened here?" Her gaze was horrified at the scars covering his neck, shoulder and arm.

John gave a crooked grin. "A little run in with the local wildlife."

"When did this happen?"

"Little over a month ago."

Jennifer examined the scars closely and pushed and prodded at a few spots. When she heard Sheppard grunt in a few locations, she looked anxiously at him and saw his face was tight and his jaw clenched.

"Is it still giving you a lot of pain, Colonel?" she asked.

"It's fine," he answered and Keller just rolled her eyes. Some things never changed.

She had him sit up and lifted his arm and moved it in several positions trying to see his range of motion. When she lifted it slightly above his shoulder, his breath caught and he couldn't hide the pain that crossed his face. His body actually shuddered and she didn't dare move it any further. She knew she would need to do further testing.

She finished her physical and then asked John to hop on the scanner. She programmed it for all the basic tests that she had run for Teyla but added a few more to assess the damage to his shoulder and arm. When she was done she told him to get dressed and that Marie would come in and take some blood samples.

Jennifer moved back to the scanner and looked at the screen with the results from the scan. They were normal for both although Teyla's did show that she had given birth to a child and the Colonel's showed his arm damage. She pressed a few keys on the device and sent the information to the data base so she could send a detailed report to Colonel Carter.

Jennifer had been asked by Sam to make sure that Teyla and the Colonel were free from any contagious or other diseases and had told her she was concerned because they had spent a few weeks in slave cages and then with someone who actually bought slaves. She wasn't sure what kind of conditions they had been in and wanted to make sure they were clean. Jennifer wondered if it was more than that. But whatever it was, they were fine, although the blood tests could always turn up something else. But she didn't think so.

Keller moved back to the main part of the infirmary where Teyla and Sheppard were just finishing up with Marie and the blood samples. They were surrounded by Lorne, Ronon and McKay who were waiting for their post mission checks. Major Lorne was holding the baby now and Jennifer smiled at the silly faces he was making at the now alert child.

Sheppard looked up when she came in and asked, "Are we all set to go now? It's pretty late on the world we just came from and TJ should have been asleep a little while ago. But it's been a bit too distracting for that what with all the new _uncles_ he's got."

Jennifer thought about suggesting they stay in the infirmary for the night. She really hated to let them go after being gone for so long. But the tests had all been fine with the exception of the Colonel's shoulder and there wasn't anything that she could do to fix it tonight. And she realized they most likely needed some sleep and here wasn't always the best location for that when you weren't really sick.

"Okay," she agreed. "But I'm gonna want to keep an eye on you for the next few days just to make sure you're adjusting well to being back here. Sometimes new food and environmental factors can affect you more than you know."

"Not a problem, Doc," John nodded. "You'll be the first one to know if we aren't feeling well. Thanks."

"And Colonel, we'll have to discuss what needs to be done for that shoulder, too."

Sheppard looked resigned and she could tell he wasn't happy at having something not be in one hundred percent working order. But when he took the baby from Lorne she could see that he was using his left side more and that wouldn't do at all. But as she had said, there wasn't anything she could do about it right now.

Teyla and John said good bye to their friends and told them they'd see them in the morning. John looked at his watch, still on Atlantis time, and smiled. He'd gotten so used to calculating the time on the planet, he'd have to remember to stop.

They walked back to Teyla's room and she waved to open the door. All the stuff they'd brought back from Dimitta had been deposited on the floor just inside the room.

"What a mess," John sighed as he looked around to where they would put everything. He'd have to get Lorne on that move to a bigger place sooner rather than later. But for now this would do and it even looked as if someone had cleaned the place and put fresh sheets on the bed.

"We may do it tomorrow," Teyla suggested. "For now all we really require is the cradle and some of Torren's bedding."

"You're right, Teyla. Why don't you take him and see if maybe another small feeding will get him back to sleep for the night."

Teyla moved to the bed and John handed her their son and then started unpacking all the stuff they'd stuck inside the cradle. It only took a few minutes and he had the cradle all fitted with Torren's bedding and he'd even found a nightgown for Teyla.

When Torren was asleep again and John had lowered him into his cradle, he grabbed a pair of shorts and announced he was taking a shower. "I think I'm really going to enjoy this. I may use up all the hot water in Atlantis just on this one time."

"You would not leave _me_ any?" Teyla whined playfully and John gave her a wink.

"You want hot water; you'll just have to share mine." With that he disappeared into the bathroom.

Teyla checked on their son once more and assured herself he was truly asleep and then slipped her clothes off and followed John into the bathroom.

When John saw her standing nude in the doorway his breathing picked up. They hadn't been able to enjoy a shower together since TJ was born as they never wanted to leave him by himself in the cottage. But now they were all in the same room and Teyla had left the bathroom door open just in case he needed them. But John hoped he didn't.

He adjusted the water temperature and slipped his own clothes off as Teyla entered the shower stall and he followed right behind her. He stood back as the water sluiced over her skin and just enjoyed the sight of her all wet and shiny. She took some shampoo that had been thankfully left here, or placed here and poured some in her hand and then moved it to her head. She turned so the water was on her front and John moved up behind her and started massaging her scalp with the soap.

Teyla leaned against him with a relaxed sigh and John continued his ministrations. After a few minutes Teyla turned around and began rinsing the soap from her head. John took some liquid soap and rubbed his hands together to get a lather. He moved them to her shoulders and began to caress her skin as he scrubbed her clean.

Teyla closed her eyes as John's hands lowered to her breasts and kneaded and gently squeezed. His thumbs ran over her nipples and she shuddered at the sensation. Torren spent many hours at those nipples but somehow this feeling was very different. John moved Teyla so she was leaning against the side of the stall and continued rubbing his hands over her front. They roamed from her shoulders to her rounded peaks down to her tummy and back up again.

He lowered his head and Teyla gave a little gasp as his lips closed around one nipple. His hands continued to explore her hips and thighs, inside and out. When his lips moved to her stomach he took a moment to trace the little jagged lines that now ran just below her navel.

When Teyla saw his actions she chuckled. "What are you doing, John?"

"These little lines right here are so beautiful, Teyla. I just want to look at them."

Teyla chuckled again. "They are stretch marks, John. I do not think any woman who has them believes them to be beautiful."

"But they are," he corrected. "Do you know why? Because they're a symbol of the fact that you're a mother. And how can that not be beautiful?"

Teyla felt moisture pool in her eyes and closed them as John's hands started travelling again over her skin. His mouth followed his hands and she gasped as his fingers move up her inner thigh and wiggled themselves into her womanly center. Her breathing increased and her panting came quicker as John's fingers pushed further inside her and slowly rotated.

When she felt his tongue on the sensitive nub at the opening she thought her cry would wake their son. Her hands lowered to run through his hair as he tormented her senses and brought her to the edge of desire. Her head and shoulders arched back and John lifted her to rest slightly on the ledge where the soap was and rearranged her legs around his neck.

As his mouth and fingers licked and nipped playfully inside and around her core, her moans and whimpers grew in strength. John kept going as her desire grew and he could feel his desire grow as well. But he wanted Teyla to have pleasure first and he was intent on his goal. And he could tell she was appreciative. His name floated off her lips fairly often.

John could tell when she finally was close to falling. Her legs tightened around his shoulders and her hands crushed his head to her. Her moans escalated and a cry was ripped from her throat. He could feel her body shudder and then finally relax, almost drained of energy.

When she had calmed a bit, she released him from her leg lock and slid them shakily to the floor of the stall. Her breathing was still heavy so she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a tight embrace. John's arms willingly wrapped around her in return.

He held her this way for a few minutes but moved them back under the spray to keep warm. Teyla finally got her breathing under control and took a step back to look at her husband. Even with the scars on his shoulder and arm, he was still the most handsome man she had ever met. She reached up and kissed his lips and ran her hands over his shoulders.

"I believe you came in here for a shower but you have not gotten clean yet. I feel we should remedy this."

Teyla poured some shampoo in her hands and lathered John's hair then added soap and rubbed her hands over his chest, arms and lower. He sucked in a deep breath when her sudsy hands covered his manhood and stroked up and down the shaft. John moved back into the spray and rinsed the soap from his hair and off his skin.

Teyla's hands continued their movement as her lips pressed themselves to John's shoulder then to his chest and lowered until her tongue snuck into his navel. John braced his hands against the side of the shower unit as Teyla persisted with her exquisite torture. When her lips surrounded the tip of his erection, John knew he wanted another end for himself. He allowed her another few moments with what she was doing then eased her back to a standing position.

"I've got another location in mind to finish this."

He moved them to rinse again then shut the water off. As they stepped out he grabbed a towel and swiftly dried them but only enough so they weren't dripping on the floor. His desire was at an all time high and he didn't want to lose momentum.

He dragged Teyla by the hand and settled her in the middle of her bed. He quickly lit a candle, checked that TJ was still asleep then moved beside her on the bed. He turned his head and suddenly the lights all went off in the room, the glow of the candle the only radiance around.

"God, I missed being able to do that," he chuckled and gazed back at Teyla who lay back resplendent on the pillows. The saucy little smile she had pasted on her face almost sent him over the edge right then. He crawled the last few feet to hover over her gorgeously naked body and he gave her a smile that he hoped matched hers.

"What are you thinking, John?" Teyla purred as she saw her husband's smirk.

"I'm thinking I'd like to lick every inch of your delectably delicious body. I want to nibble on all of that amazingly bronzed skin."

Teyla stretched her arms above her head, accentuating many of her womanly curves and whispered breathlessly, "I do not have a problem with that at all."

The groan was now coming from John's throat and he lowered his head to carry out his threat, although maybe Teyla saw it more as a promise. She certainly seemed to be enjoying it if the sounds coming from her lips were any indication.

He began at her neck and had her whimpering within seconds when he hit the spot that he knew sent her into shivers. But he didn't linger there very long as he knew there was much ground to cover. His lips ran up and down her remarkably toned arms, sucked on a few of her fingers then shifted to her chest where he nibbled again on her rounded breasts, so much fuller since Torren had been born. His mouth traveled again to her stomach where he spent only a short time now on her lines of motherhood then they moved down one trim leg and back up the other. He nibbled and planted little kisses on her hips that made her squirm as they tickled then he repositioned himself so his lips were above her lips and lowered himself to press his entire body against hers.

Teyla's hands now joined in the fun and ran over him from shoulder to back to bottom and up again. Her legs raised and slid between his and around his hips and her feet caressed along the lengths of his legs. John's hands ran over her where his lips had just explored and the passion and desire grew as their lips battled with each other and tongues came out to join the crusade.

Their bodies rolled back and forth, each enjoying the sensation of the other on top of them. Finally Teyla pushed John on his back and straddled his hips. His erection was apparent and making itself known. She accepted the invitation. She lifted herself slightly and positioned her opening above him. John's eyes grew intense as he watched Teyla's face as she lowered herself until he was deeply inside her. God, it felt unbelievable!

Teyla's head fell back a bit and she stayed still for a few moments and he could tell she was relishing the sensation. He wasn't displeased with it himself. But then her hips began to move and her hands kneaded his chest and ran through his chest hair. John lifted his hands to her hips and grasped them as they gyrated back and forth. He could feel the pressure building again, especially as he watched her breasts sway in front of his face and her frame twist sensuously against him.

His breathing was now rapid as was hers and their panting matched the rhythm of Teyla's hips. And she kept moving and swiveling until John thought he might explode with it. He knew he was close and Teyla was on the edge so he twisted his body and positioned her under him and drove into her hard. But suddenly he remembered Keller's words and he stopped.

"I'm not hurting you am I, Teyla?"

"No!" she ground out. "But ** _I_** will hurt _you_ if you do not continue."

John chuckled at her ferocity but did as she ordered. His hips ground into hers and within minutes he could feel his seed pump into her. Her body had gone rigid and tense and he saw her shudder and then pull him close to her chest.

John made sure to keep himself on his arms so he didn't squish her but he stayed close. He loved the feel of her skin touching his from nose to toes.

As they relaxed and eased back a bit from each other John rolled on his side and arranged Teyla next to him. He planted a few kisses on her cheeks and nose and said, "I love you, Teyla."

Teyla's smile grew wide on her face. "I love you more."

John's arms tightened around her as he triumphantly said, "I love you the most."

As they crawled under the covers and settled in for the night, John listened to the sounds in the room. Even though he'd never spent the night in Teyla's room, it was still Atlantis. He could feel the city, feel her systems running smoothly. He concentrated for a few moments and managed to get some cooler air blowing in Teyla's quarters. There was something about being able to do that, communicate with the city to a certain degree, that had always made him feel so welcome here. And now that he was here and had Teyla in his arms and loving him, there was no place else he'd rather be. He was truly home.

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

.


	27. Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 27

Chapter 27

.

John's eyes opened and he could feel Teyla warm and soft in his arms. Her head was draped on his chest the way it had been almost every morning for the last eleven months. He didn't think this would ever get old. His hands moved over her curves relishing the feel of her soft skin.

His eyes moved around the room and he examined all the little touches that Teyla had already added; candles, curtains, wall hangings. They had been in their new quarters for three days now and he was happy about that. He and Teyla had their own room, Torren had one and they had a spare; maybe for that little girl that he had teased Teyla about a few times. And Lorne had managed to get them one that actually had a balcony with a partial view of the ocean and a partial view of the city. He figured that was the best of both worlds.

The last few days had been a challenge in many ways. He and Teyla had been trying to fit in with their old life here but had gotten so used to doing things a certain way on Dimitta. Washing and cleaning had been much nicer with water always ready and hot. The kitchen in their new quarters had a few cooking devices that didn't need to be constantly stoked with firewood and it was very nice that he didn't need to get up several times a night to add logs to the fire to keep the room warm.

But the pace on Atlantis was much faster than they had grown accustomed to. And walking around with everyone staring at you and whispering behind your back had been more than a little disconcerting. And he had been away from Teyla and TJ far too long while he was trying to catch up on everything that had happened during his year away. He really missed spending so much time with them but knew he needed to if he wanted to keep his position here. Or the position that he'd had before they were taken.

He knew he should get up and go for his run but it was always so hard when he woke with Teyla wrapped around him like this. It was much easier when she got up to feed TJ and then the temptation was removed. But TJ had begun sleeping even longer since they had arrived in the city. John liked to think it was because he could feel the city humming in his veins like John always did, but that might have just been whimsical thinking.

But he did know that the city felt Torren's presence. He didn't know how he knew, he just did. And he knew TJ was aware of his connection, too. Just yesterday the lights had gone off for no reason then come back on again a moment later. When they shut off once more John got up and realized Torren was laughing in his cradle when it happened.

John had leaned over his son and asked, "Did you just turn those lights off?"

Torren had laughed and cooed happily and the lights had turned on again. John had joined in the laughter but knew this might not be a good thing if this child could control Ancient tech already. What would he be doing when he was six or ten or God forbid, seventeen?

He hadn't mentioned it to Teyla yet. He figured he would let her find out on her own. And he knew he wouldn't tell McKay, maybe ever. The man was already fruity over the fact that Torren had turned on the LSD in the jumper on the way home.

As if he knew someone was thinking about him, TJ began to fuss. John knew he would be hungry; he had slept over nine hours last night. John slipped out of Teyla's arms and slid out of bed. He went into Torren's room and picked up his son and began talking to him.

"Hey, Pal, are you ready for breakfast? We'll have to wake Mommy up first. I usually like to do it one way but with you right here, maybe I'll have to keep it rated G, huh? But that doesn't mean I still can't get a little something out of it."

John returned to his room and sat on the edge of the bed and tucked Torren next to where Teyla was lying on her side with her nightgown open. He latched on and John watched as his son got his first meal of the day. Teyla was starting to stir and John moved his hand to run up her leg and onto her hip that was exposed by her bunched up nightgown. His hand caressed her hip and up her ribcage then down again to her backside. Teyla stretched a bit then looked at him with an impatient glare.

"John, I wish you would not do this while I am trying to feed our son. It is very distracting."

John looked at all the golden skin so exposed and gorgeous and responded, "You're telling me."

He leaned down and gave her a small nibble on her bottom then threw on some running clothes. He left Teyla on the bed nursing and knew he would need to push himself to get rid of the image of her tanned legs and curvy rear.

He met up with Ronon near the main tower and they started out on what used to be their usual run. But as they had only started doing it again two days ago, he didn't think it could be called usual just yet. A year was an awfully long time to be gone.

He had found that out quite a bit the last few days as he and Teyla moved around the city. There were new troops and scientists and medical staff and they were all curious about the lost sheep that were returning home. But everyone else had seemed super curious, too.

The fact that he and Teyla had come back with a few month old baby had certainly started the rumor mill grinding away with all sorts of weird stories. Some thought they had run away _because_ she was pregnant, others thought Teyla was too thin and couldn't possibly have given birth so the child must be someone else's. He didn't really care about any of them unless they were hurtful and got back to Teyla. He didn't want _her_ hurt in any way. He'd always felt that way about her but now that she was legally his, or at least on Dimitta, he felt honor bound to defend her.

Sam had been really good about dealing with the situation. She had congratulated them on their marriage and on the baby and had offered them time to get settled before they resumed duty. She also told John she would be sending a report back to the SGC about his return. Apparently she hadn't wanted to do it until he was actually back in the city as they had been disappointed too many times in the past.

She had just sent the message yesterday. She hadn't gotten a reply yet. And he almost hoped they wouldn't send one other than _'Yippee and send Lt. Col. Cooper back since you don't need a Military CO anymore_.' but John was pretty sure it would be a _bit_ more than that.

He hated to admit that he was more than a little nervous about what the SGC would say. Would they think he'd been compromised and boot him out of the military, with an Honorable Discharge of course? Or would they want him to return to Earth and reassign him since Cooper was so great? That was doubtful as Sam had confided in him that Cooper wasn't cut out to run a military outfit in another galaxy. And she had already informed the SGC of that fact. But would they think John still was?

He'd spent the last few days pouring over reports and mission logs and talking to as many personnel as he could to get up to date in all aspects of the city and he hoped that would play in his favor. He hated the idea of leaving the city and truly wondered what he would do if they wanted him to. And what would Teyla want? She lived in the Pegasus Galaxy but she was now his wife and they had a child together.

As he pushed himself to run faster, he tried to get all that out of his head. He was being paranoid. Sam hadn't said anything about his leaving and so he didn't know why he was even being negative. He was sure everything would be fine.

He and Ronon finally wound down by the East Pier and John squirted some water in his mouth from his water bottle then squirted a bit on his head. He shook his head and let the water fly in all directions, making Ronon glare at him menacingly when he got splattered.

"So what's with the beard still being there?" Ronon grunted as he tried to get his breathing under control. "I would have thought you'd be rid of it by now."

John ran his hand over the fuzz on his cheeks and chin and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm so used to not shaving in the morning I completely took it out of my routine. And Teyla likes it. She says it tickles."

Ronon laughed heartily. "And where exactly does it tickle, Sheppard?"

John's eyes grew mischievous. "That I'll never tell."

Ronon started walking slowly to cool down and John followed beside him. Ronon peered down at his friend and questioned, "So do you regret coming back here?"

John's head whipped up to study his friend's face. Ronon just looked curious but John wondered where that thought had come from. Perhaps from the fact that he and Teyla had needed to _discuss_ things before they left.

"No, we don't regret it," John assured him. "It feels good to be back in the city and it's really nice to see so many familiar faces."

"The people you were with became familiar though, too, right?" Ronon suggested.

John gave a tight smile because he _did_ miss his friends on Dimitta quite a bit. And he still felt terrible that Tim had not been there when they left. He would need to make a trip back soon so his friend didn't think he had just been deserted.

He had already spoken to Carter about starting trade agreements and Keller about providing medical knowledge and help. Both women had sounded very eager to comply. John and Teyla had felt relief at that since they had both worried that they would be banned from going back. After all, the jumpers were the property of Atlantis and John didn't just have carte blanche in using them, especially since he wasn't officially the Military Commander any longer.

That had kind of stung more than a little when Carter had told him. But apparently it was a red tape paperwork thing and as soon as the SGC had declared him alive again, she thought he should be all set. Cooper, luckily hadn't seemed to be too upset about being usurped. He was an easygoing guy but John thought he worried a bit too much about the inventory and supplies of the city and not enough about the actual people here. He'd be a great XO but that position was already taken by Lorne and there was no way he was replacing Lorne, the man was outstanding at his job.

John thought back to Ronon's question. "Yeah, they were familiar and I won't lie and say we don't miss them, we do. They're good friends and we'll always remember them. And Teyla and I hope we can go and visit on occasion, too. But Atlantis is where we belong. This is home."

"Good," Ronon grunted and walked a bit quicker to get inside. "I'll see you at breakfast in a few minutes?"

John nodded. "Yeah, I'll need to take a shower and then let Teyla take hers. She won't do it if TJ is awake so she'll wait for me to get back. She was just feeding him when I left."

"See ya then," Ronon waved at him and disappeared.

John entered the transporter and within a few minutes was over on the North side and heading to his quarters. Teyla was up and walking Torren around the living room, rubbing his back to expel his gas.

"All fed, kiddo?" John asked his son and the baby gurgled and twisted in Teyla's arms when he heard his father's voice.

"He is all set," Teyla informed him and handed the child over to John. "Do you mind if I take my shower _first_?"

John's lips twitched and he asked, "Can I watch?"

Teyla closed her eyes and sighed but John could see her trying to hide her laughter. "Perhaps," she acquiesced, "if you could give him a small bath in the sink while I am washing."

John looked up and nodded. "Sure, I think we can do that. What do you say, TJ, you want a tubby while your Mom gets one, too?"

Teyla walked into the bathroom and shed her nightgown as she turned the water on and adjusted it. John moved up behind her and kissed the back of her neck as she straightened up. She took a shuddering breath and he actually saw her shoulders tremble a bit but she looked at him over her shoulder and scolded him.

"Should you not be washing the baby?"

"I'd rather be washing you," John smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "But I'll settle for our son."

John balanced TJ in his left arm while he got the water flowing in the sink. Luckily the water could be controlled either by hand or thought and so he did much of it with his mind. A wiggling Torren could not always be controlled with one hand and his right still lacked full strength.

He removed Torren's diaper and sat him on the edge of the sink, his left arm still firmly holding him. He grabbed the facecloth that was sitting on the towel rack and began to run it over the boy's legs. His eyes got a bit distracted though when he saw Teyla lathering herself up through the clear glass door. Next thing he knew the water was running quicker out of the faucet, then slowing down then speeding up again.

John looked down and sure enough TJ's face was lit up and he was gurgling approval at the water splashing all over the place. John just shook his head and breathed out a sigh knowing this ATA gene-child would definitely be a challenge. He thought about what he would have been like if he had grown up on Atlantis with a gene as strong as his and knew he would have gotten in all sorts of trouble. It was probably a good thing he had been on Earth.

As he thought of his childhood, he began thinking about his Dad. He knew he wanted to get back to Earth at some point to try and make amends and introduce TJ to his Dad and Dave. But he also wanted to establish his place here in the city before he went and asked for some time off to visit. He'd had a year off according to his military record. He wasn't sure if MIA counted against you or not.

He dipped TJ lower in the water and loved hearing the gurgles of happiness that floated out of his throat. This kid was starting to really know how to laugh and have fun and John loved finding more things to make him laugh. Apparently, though, he could entertain himself given the right kind of Ancient tech. He'd definitely have to keep him out of Rodney's lab.

TJ started splashing his hands in the water and John was soon drenched, laughing along with his son. But when Teyla came out of the shower and saw the watery mess on the floor and counters, she gave a deep sigh and rolled her eyes. "I see you have already gotten your bath then, John."

John chuckled again and grinned. Teyla held her hands out and reached for the boy. She pulled him against her bare skin then grabbed a towel to walk into the other room.

John frowned and called out, "No fair, TJ. I want to be held like that against your Mom."

Teyla twisted her head and gave him a saucy wink. "Perhaps if he naps well today."

John got excited for a moment until he realized they were going to spend part of the day on New Athos and he doubted they'd have an opportunity to do more than hold hands when Torren slept. He sighed and jumped in for a quick shower.

He was out and dressed in no time and Teyla was just finishing putting Torren's outfit on him. "We will need to get him some more new clothes soon, John. He continues to grow quite rapidly."

"You know I heard babies do that," John responded sarcastically and Teyla threw her towel at him. John picked up Torren and settled him on his shoulder and began walking down the hallway with Teyla beside them.

"Ready for breakfast, kiddo? Uncle Ronon's probably already there and maybe even Uncle Rodney and if that's the case we could be in big trouble. Uncle Rodney alone can clean out the food supply in a very short time. I know you've already had breakfast but just think about your Mom and me. We'll still be hungry and maybe it's not a big deal if I don't eat but if your Mom doesn't get food then she can't _make_ food for you. So you better hope that they saved us some."

John continued his running dialogue until they reached the mess hall and indeed found both Ronon and Rodney there and already digging into their well stocked trays. He and Teyla moved through the line and John attempted to get his food one handed but needed to have Teyla fill it since he had TJ balanced in the other. As they made their way to their regular table near the ocean, John noticed how many people were staring at them. He always hated being the center of attention but since they'd come back it had been constant.

But looking at where many of the people were staring, especially the women, he noticed they had their eyes focused on TJ and they were smiling widely as his hands moved up and down on John's shoulder. John couldn't blame them for that. He had to admit the child was incredibly cute. He obviously took after this father.

"Morning all," John called as they approached the table and took the two seats on one side that were free. John shifted TJ so he was sitting in his lap and facing the others. Torren immediately began reaching for the tray and John pushed it further on the table. He reached for his toast and took a few bites. He noticed Rodney looking strangely at them.

"What are you going to do with this kid while you two are working?" Rodney voiced his question.

Teyla glanced up at Rodney and answered, "We are not sure yet. Colonel Carter says I may take some time to make a decision and enjoy being with my son for now. He is still quite young. But if I decide to come back to work then we will have to find someone to care for Torren during the time I am working."

John looked at Teyla and smiled. They hadn't really discussed this issue much at all. They'd only been back for four days and most of that time John had been trying to reestablish himself as Military Commander. He'd been putting in lots of hours and even reading mission logs and reports each night after Teyla went to sleep. Carter was aware of this and had ordered him to take some time today with Teyla and go visit the Athosians. He hated to leave the city again so soon but he knew Carter was right. The Athosians would want to see John as well, especially since he and Teyla were now together and had a child. He hoped they were okay with it. He'd never really thought about it before but what if they had wanted Teyla to marry another Athosian. Maybe they would be upset that TJ was only half Athosian.

He looked nervously at Teyla as she sipped her tea and he kissed Torren's head. Her eyes found his and she raised an eyebrow in question. "Is everything all right, John?"

"Yeah," he replied as he finished chewing a piece of sausage. "I was just wondering what your people would think about us being married and having a baby together. Will they be upset that I'm not Athosian?"

Teyla gave a delicate chuckle. "You need not worry, John; I think they will be fine. The Athosians have been so few for so many years that it is not always possible to find a mate from amongst us. We have often needed to seek a partner from other worlds. And you are highly thought of amongst my people; I do not think anyone will object."

"How about Kanaan?" Ronon grunted with a bit of amusement. "He always seemed to fancy you. I'm surprised he never put the moves on you."

"Ronon," Teyla scolded and her face grew tight. John wondered about this. He knew who Kanaan was but had never heard anything about him and Teyla.

"Did you and he …" John began and Teyla glared at Ronon again.

"No, John," Teyla assured him. "Kanaan has expressed interest in furthering our friendship however I have always put him off."

"Put him off," John looked curious. "But not actually told him ' _no_ '. Any reason for that?"

Rodney had stopped eating and was now intently watching this little scene play out. John seemed to forget anyone else was there and was interested in Teyla's answer.

Teyla looked embarrassed and more than a little awkward. "Yes," she answered softly. "I was hoping that _you_ would eventually have romantic feelings toward me but I was not sure it would ever happen. Kanaan is a good friend and would certainly make a suitable mate."

"So if I hadn't … if we hadn't …" John stammered. "Then you might have picked up with Kanaan."

"Perhaps," Teyla said off handedly and turned back to take another sip of her tea.

"Then it's a good thing we got together, huh, TJ," John claimed as he lifted the boy to rest his bottom on the table and kissed his nose. "Because otherwise we might be sitting here with you being someone else's baby and that would just be _wrong_."

"You know what's really wrong," Rodney whined and made a nasty face, "is you sitting that kid's dirty diaper on the table where I'm trying to eat. Seriously, Sheppard, do you not care about sanitation?"

"I just gave him a bath this morning and changed his diaper. And he's got clothes on, for Pete's Sake. He's probably cleaner than you."

"But I don't have my ass on the table now do I?" McKay sniped.

"Damn good thing, too," Ronon choked out.

"His bottom is clean, McKay," John assured him but leaned down and gave Torren a little sniff anyway. "Yep, still clean."

Rodney's face scrunched up in horror. "I cannot believe you just stuck your nose there. Eww! If that's what you have to do when you become a parent, I'm glad I don't plan on having any kids."

Ronon cleared his throat. "I think we're all a little glad about that, McKay."

McKay glared at Ronon and took a last sip of his coffee. "I'm off to do some real work. Have fun on your day off." He picked up his tray and sashayed away from the table.

John gazed sheepishly at Torren whose arms were bouncing up and down in front of him and the boy was staring at them and laughing.

"You know, Pal, you're getting pretty good at amusing yourself there. I think I like that. Not that I don't like trying to find different ways to make you laugh but there are times when your Mom and I might be busy and you need to entertain yourself. But if I'm around I expect you to laugh at _my_ jokes, deal?"

"Deal," Ronon answered and John rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"I know," Ronon replied. "But watching you make funny faces and try to get this kid to laugh is actually pretty amusing."

John thought about that for a few seconds then nodded and said, "Okay." He looked back at Ronon and said, "You coming with us to visit the Athosians today?"

"Yeah, that okay with you? Keller wanted to send some supplies and I figured you and Teyla would have your hands full with this little guy and all his stuff."

John grinned. "Sure as long as you don't mind taking TJ a few times if Teyla and I need a little break. We won't have anything to put him down in."

Teyla turned toward John and responded, "I believe my people may have something for Torren to nap in while we are there. He may always just be placed in the center of a bed; he has not learned to roll or crawl yet so he should be safe."

John looked apprehensive about that but began his little one sided conversation again. "You think that will be okay, Pal? You'll be in a real Athosian tent if we put you there. These are your Mom's people and I'm sure you'll spend lots of time with them when you get a little older. For right now your Mom and I like to keep you with us. Not that there's a whole lot of choice since your Mom has the only food supply that you can eat. But pretty soon we may get to feed you some real food like this toast I was eating. But you'll need to get some teeth first. Toast is a little hard to eat if you don't have any teeth."

"But don't worry, you'll get some. Just not for a few more months at least. I think. Actually I'm really not sure when babies get their first teeth. I think we'll have to get some sort of baby book that gives us that information. But the people here didn't know you were coming back with us and so they didn't have any books here for us to look through. We'll get some soon, though. Until then you'll just have to be patient with us as we muddle through this parent thing. You can do that right?"

Ronon chuckled as Sheppard continued to keep his son enthralled with the sound of his voice.

.

"Aw, would you look at that," one of the lab techs muttered under her breath as she stared across the room at Colonel Sheppard chattering away to his new son. "He is so darn cute."

"Yeah, the baby's pretty adorable, too," her friend from Botany replied impishly. She got a glare in return.

"Okay, I will admit the sight of Colonel Sheppard talking to his son is quite heartwarming," Lab Tech returned.

"Well I remember before he went missing, you were hoping for him to help you warm something _besides_ your heart."

She looked at Botany with a scowl. "Oh, please, _you_ couldn't tell me enough how _hot_ you thought he was. You kept hoping that he'd come down to the Botany Lab with Dr. McKay when he visited Katie Brown."

"He never did, though," Botany pouted and looked at where Teyla was now leaning against Sheppard's arm and cooing at the baby, too. "I guess now I know who he was probably with. Did you even know they were seeing each other?"

Lab Tech shook her head. "No one did that I know of. Although Chuck was laying some big odds a few months before they disappeared that they'd end up together. He must have gotten some inside scoop."

Botany leaned forward and confided, "Well, I did hear Katie saying one time that McKay was pretty upset when Colonel Sheppard decided to fly some old ship down to a planet from an asteroid it was on. He thought the guy would end up dead. But apparently Teyla had been sucked into some machine, like one of those Wraith dart things, and Sheppard refused to just leave her in it. McKay thought he'd end up losing two of his teammates instead of just one."

"Actually," Lab Tech confessed, "I was in the infirmary when Teyla was brought in from that. I remember Teyla saying something about him saving all the people who were in that machine. Colonel Sheppard just gave her one of those cute little crooked smiles and said it wasn't the reason he had done it. Teyla said she knew and they looked at each other in a very private way. But then Sheppard made some joke and the tension that was between them was broken. Thinking back to that now, I guess they _have_ had a thing for each other for a while, huh?"

Botany looked back over to where Sheppard had his arm around the back of the chair Teyla was sitting on and was leaning in to kiss the child now in her lap. But she noticed his lips moved slightly further and touched those of Teyla's as well.

"Well, if they didn't before, they sure do now."

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	28. Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 28

Chapter 28

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"Teyla!" Halling called loudly as Teyla stepped out of the gate and onto the soil of New Athos. Her excited smile transformed her face.

"Halling, it is wonderful to see you again after so long," Teyla returned and reached for her friend. They lowered their heads in the traditional Athosian greeting then stepped away. Ronon came through next, a backpack strapped to his shoulders and he and the Athosian nodded at each other.

"Ronon, it is good to see you again, too. Our people are very thankful to you for being so diligent in finding Teyla and returning her home. All were saddened when they thought you were lost to us, Teyla."

"I have missed you all greatly as well. I am thankful to be back."

"And Colonel Sheppard is well, too, I hope. His presence has also been missed."

Teyla turned her head to see John exiting the shimmering blue horizon, the large sling slung across his left shoulder with their son snuggly inside. Halling noticed the sling and grew concerned.

"Are you injured, Colonel?" he asked but also noticed neither arm was _inside_ the sling.

Teyla smiled widely and took Halling's hand to lead him to where John was standing.

"Halling, many things happened while we were away. This is one of them."

Teyla pulled the side of the sling open and Halling peered inside. The sight of the sleeping baby had him taking a step back and opening his eyes wide.

"You have a child? The two of you, together?"

"Yeah," John responded apprehensively. "Is that okay?"

Halling chuckled at Sheppard's anxiety. "A child is always a joyous thing. And I could think of no one better for our Teyla than you, Colonel Sheppard. I have seen how you hold her in high regard and treat her with dignity and respect. And I know your feelings for her have always been strong."

John looked at Ronon as if to say, _'How come everyone knew but me?_ ' and Ronon just smirked. But John felt his nervousness decrease with Halling's words. He hated to admit he was a little scared that he'd be run out of New Athos with a stick.

"And what name have you given to this child, Teyla?" Halling smiled as they began on the path leading to the settlement.

"His name is Torren John Emmagen Sheppard," Teyla announced proudly.

"A boy!" Halling exclaimed. "And named after your father and his. I could think of no fitter tribute to two very great men."

John actually blushed at this and Ronon poked him with his elbow when he saw Sheppard's reaction. Halling looked at the bags that Ronon and Teyla were carrying and gave a puzzled look.

"Supplies from Keller," Ronon filled in and Teyla held her bag out and said, "Diapers and extra clothes for Torren."

Halling reached out and took the bag from Teyla knowing that Ronon was certainly capable of carrying the heavier bag for the lengthy walk. Teyla was also capable but he did not feel right carrying nothing while a new mother did.

As they walked, Teyla and Halling traded information about what had happened in the last year and John pretty much tuned it all out for most of the walk. He knew what he and Teyla had done and as much as the Athosians were great people he didn't really need to know that this one had done some wonderful trading on this planet and so on and so forth. When he heard the name Kanaan come up though, his ears perked up with a bit more interest.

"He was quite distraught at your disappearance and the lack of information available to locate you," Halling was telling Teyla and John noticed Halling's voice had lowered a bit. John tried to look nonchalant and uninterested in their conversation. He peeked in at Torren who was still sleeping soundly, probably due to the rocking motion while he was walking. But his ears tuned in to what the two were saying ahead of him.

"Yes, he has been a good friend to me," Teyla brushed off Halling's words.

"I believe Kanaan desired to be more than friends with you, Teyla. This has been apparent for many seasons. I am not sure what he will think about this child you have had with Colonel Sheppard."

"John and I have been joined in marriage so Kanaan will need to accept that. We will remain friends as we were before," Teyla stated.

"You and Colonel Sheppard are husband and wife? I am happy for you, Teyla. He will be a good husband to you. He is strong enough to keep you in control but also strong enough to allow you to be the dedicated leader and warrior you were meant to be."

John saw Teyla give Halling one of her looks. He knew that one. It translated as _'watch what you say to me because I can kick your ass_ '. Halling just laughed at it. And he knew he would never want to _'control'_ Teyla. He had fallen in love with who she was, the fierce warrior, the patient diplomat, the calm negotiator, and the passionate fighter of all that is right and good. Why would he wish to keep that in control?

The topic steered away from Kanaan and his lust for Teyla and John's attention drifted as well. Shortly they came to the settlement and within seconds Teyla was surrounded by many people, all greeting her traditionally. Ronon handed his bag over to their healer and John just stood back, not wanting the noise to waken their son.

He watched as the man he knew to be Kanaan approached Teyla and many stepped aside to allow him to greet her. His hands lifted to gently caress her bare shoulders as his head bowed to touch hers. John saw Teyla move back a pace quickly after and her eyes swung toward his. It took him a second to rearrange his face to show indifference but he was pretty sure Teyla had caught him shooting daggers at Kanaan's back.

Teyla gave him the smile that was his alone and he relaxed a bit but Torren must have sensed his tension and began to wail loudly. John reached into the sling quickly to calm him but by the time he removed his son from the fabric, all eyes had moved to him.

"Everyone," Teyla called out to her friends, "It is wonderful to see you all again and I am thankful we have been returned to where we belong. Colonel Sheppard and I spent quite a long time away from here and during that time we were given the miracle of a child."

She walked over swiftly to where John had Torren draped on his shoulder. "This is our son, Torren John Emmagen Sheppard. He is a most gracious blessing that has been bestowed upon us."

More cheers went up and John was soon surrounded by people congratulating him and wishing to see the newest Athosian. But as John's eyes lifted from his son, he caught the eye of Kanaan and he did not look happy. The daggers than John had sent his way a few moments ago had just been sent back, in triplicate.

But John was soon pulled toward the encampment and someone shouted, "We must celebrate this occasion. It is not every day we have a new Athosian. And one named after such a remarkable leader."

John thought for a second they were talking about him, then realized they were talking about Torren, Teyla's father. He was glad he hadn't said anything. He would have felt foolish. People scrambled around the tents and began pulling out vegetables and meat to begin cooking and bowls of fruit appeared and everyone began moving around in a very festive mood. _Okay, so not chased out of town with a stick,_ John chuckled to himself; that was always a good thing.

The next few hours were quite exhausting, for John and Teyla anyway, as people demanded to know all the details of their time away. John and Teyla had decided earlier that they wouldn't share any of what really went on in the beginning with anyone else. It was bad enough they had needed to go through it themselves but the last thing they wanted was to relive it. And they didn't wish for anyone to be horrified at what had happened or start feeling sorry for them. They simply said they had been captured by slavers and then managed to escape to a planet where the gate was inactive.

Torren was passed around from Athosian to Athosian and John grew anxious as each person passed him to another. He knew they would never hurt him but he was so used to having the child with them all the time, it was nerve wracking when he heard the child whimper or cry, even for a moment.

John finally got his son back while everyone was eating and regaling Teyla with stories of recent events. John moved away from the encampment and settled in a small field behind one of the furthest tents. He had brought along one of the thick quilts that had been made for them by the ladies on Dimitta and he placed Torren on it on his back.

They were under a tree so the sun was not too bright and John lay on his side next to TJ. He loved just gazing at the child and seeing him perk up at all that was around him. The sunlight was dancing on the leaves above him and flickering in between. TJ seemed enthralled at the play of light and reached up his hands to try and catch it.

"I don't think it's gonna work, Pal," John chuckled quietly to the fascinated boy. "Sunlight is a really cool thing but unfortunately you can't actually touch it and take it home."

He took out the key ring he'd taken to carrying around with him and handed it to the child. None of the keys fit anything on Atlantis, except his locker, but Torren had liked playing with them so he carried them around when nothing else would keep him quiet. He knew they would need to get this kid some actual baby toys soon but that would mean ordering them from Earth. Although Teyla said the Athosians had toys made from wood that worked well enough. Maybe they could put in an order for some of those.

The key ring dropped from TJ's unpracticed fingers and John picked it up and hung it over his head so he could push at them and hear them jingle. He still couldn't get over the fact that he had a child. Teyla had called him their miracle and John couldn't agree more. The fact that he and Teyla had escaped from the hell they'd been placed in, and all before too much major damage had been done, was a miracle in itself. And then to finally be able to express their feelings for each other and truly become a couple, that was also miraculous. But this child happily cooing in front of him was the biggest miracle of all. He had brought them so much joy and happiness and had made everything bad that had happened just disappear.

John kept up his typical running dialogue with Torren but soon found his voice was not enough to keep the child from whining. He would need to be fed soon. John hated to leave this place as it was very peaceful and the other side of the tents was filled with much more distraction. But he should probably find Teyla.

As he looked around, he saw that Teyla had actually found them. She was walking toward them with a big smile on her face and Torren's bag in her hands.

"I knew he would be hungry as my milk is quite heavy. Ronon told me he had seen you come this way. Let me change him and if he falls asleep while nursing he will be more comfortable."

John volunteered to do the diaper while Teyla settled herself on the quilt beside John. He offered to let Teyla lean against him while feeding as he knew it would be uncomfortable on her back in this position. Teyla gladly accepted.

John propped himself with his hands behind him and Teyla leaned against him between his legs. Torren was at her breast, a light blanket thrown over him in case someone wandered by. John still loved this whole process although he knew at times Teyla grew tired of it. Not so much the feeding itself but just the constant need. She never really had a break. But he knew she would never complain and so he just tried to make things as easy on her as possible. Of course he'd never tell her that. Teyla hated to admit to weakness, not unlike him.

Once the baby had filled his belly and had slipped into a deep slumber, Teyla gently placed him on the quilt again. She and John watched him sleep for a few minutes then John pressed a kiss to her neck.

"So that nap thing isn't going to happen, I guess," John moped as his tongue darted out to run up the side of her neck to her ear.

Teyla sucked in a shaky breath at the sensations John was creating deep inside of her. "Perhaps not as completely as we would wish, no. That does not mean you need stop what you are doing at the moment."

"You like this, huh?" John chuckled and Teyla could hear the mischief in his voice.

"Very much," Teyla breathed out on a sigh and tilted her head to allow him better access.

"Then I'll just have to continue." John nipped at her earlobe and travelled his lips down the side of her neck again, nudging the fabric of her shirt aside on her shoulder. His hands moved around to her front and slid between her top and bottom, caressing the silky skin there.

Teyla was now trembling and John lowered her to lie next to Torren. He straightened himself out next to her and reached to press his lips to hers. Teyla's arms immediately wrapped around his neck and drew him as close as possible. Their mouths whispered across each other's and John's tongue darted out to trace her bottom lip. Her tongue became envious and snuck out to join the fun.

As their mouths battled, John's hands snuck under her loose top that she had only done the top button of. As his thumbs flicked over her hardened peaks, her mouth stopped for a soft gasp to escape, then John plunged back inside with his tongue. Teyla's hands ran through John's hair and slid over his shoulders, wishing she could remove his shirt and feel his warm skin. But she knew they were out in the open and could not risk it even though their location was fairly private.

John's mouth moved back and forth between Teyla's neck, throat and mouth in deep exploration and his hands caressed her luscious curves. He pulled the blanket Teyla had used for feeding Torren so it covered where his hands were exploring and became a bit braver.

While his left hand snuck under Teyla to hold her close, his other stayed on her torso, skimming the golden skin and curvaceous mounds. But John wanted more so he snuck his hand under the edge of her pants and let his fingers slide back and forth in temptation.

At Teyla's little whimper, he unbuttoned the top and slid the zipper down so his hand could fit more comfortably inside. He closed his eyes at the feel of her womanly mound covered in soft curls and allowed his fingers to play quietly for a short time. Teyla didn't seem to object so he crept them further until he could curl them into her moist, warm center.

Teyla's mouth opened and John covered it with his own to keep her cry from being too loud and she closed her mouth around his and opened it again in a rhythmic fashion. Her hands clung to his shoulders and her hips began to move in anticipation. John did not disappoint. He dipped one finger inside and found her slick and wet and ready. But there was only so much he could do out here in the open and they were probably already doing more than they should. But Teyla was just so damned desirable and sexy; he just lost control whenever he was near her.

He pushed another finger inside and heard her gasp again at the intrusion. He pulled them out slightly to moisten the feminine nub at the opening and Teyla's head arched back as she whispered, "Oh, yes, John, that feels incredible."

"I like making you feel incredible," he murmured back in her ear and slid his fingers back inside. They moved in and out and around a few more times and flicked over her sensitive area until she was grasping every ounce of control she had to keep from crying out. Her arms held him tight and close and his hand took every opportunity to give her pleasure.

John kept at it until her arms squeezed tightly and her body tensed. He could feel her convulse and then shudder a few times right after. Then she breathed out a deep sigh and fell back completely against the quilt.

John removed his hand and pulled her in as close as he could and whispered sweet words in her ear. Teyla pressed kisses along _his_ neck now and repeated his words back to him.

"That was quite generous, John. I will have to find a way to repay you for that after Torren goes to bed tonight."

"I'll hold you to that, you know," John threatened seductively.

"I am happy any way that you hold me, John. I love you."

John's grin grew even though he knew she would have the last word. "Love you more."

Teyla's lips split wide open as she stated, "And I love you the most."

.

Leaves rustled as a figure slunk away, back through the trees. They had not seen him as they were too involved with each other. It was just as well. He had harbored hope for far too long, hope that even the news of her death had not dashed. But this, he could not dispute that Teyla was in love with Sheppard as he knew Sheppard had always been in love with Teyla. The man's affection for her had been obvious to him from the beginning. Kanaan took one last look at the couple holding each other close, whispering intimately to each other, their son sleeping soundly beside them.

He moved back past the tents with a distressed but resigned expression on his face. It was time to move on.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"McKay, you coming over later to watch a movie with us?" Sheppard asked as he poked his head in Rodney's lab the day after their visit to New Athos. He'd been working all day and hadn't seen his friend since breakfast.

"I don't know," McKay whined. "I'm really busy right now. Ask me later."

John looked at his watch and said, "It is later, McKay. Ronon's coming over in about an hour. We'll put the movie on after that."

Rodney looked up and saw Sheppard staring vacantly around the room. His eyes seemed like they were a million miles away. Rodney was still worried about his friends. They had seemed to be just fine since they came back but he knew what they'd gone through and he wondered if they still had nightmares about what happened. He knew he would, probably for years. Heck, he was still dreaming about the damn whale from Moby Dick.

Sheppard turned back and caught Rodney staring at him like he was covered in dirt. He glanced down at his BDU's and didn't see anything unusual about them. But when he looked up again, Rodney was still staring.

"What are you looking at McKay?"

"Huh, oh, … what, nothing," Rodney stammered. He paused for a few seconds then said, "I was just wondering if you were okay. You know, after being gone for so long and everything."

"Do I look like I'm not fine?" John shook his head. "I'm fine, McKay. You don't need to worry."

"Okay, I won't … worry," Rodney replied unconvincingly. "It's just that it was a year and after all you went through, … I mean … if you wanted to talk about it … I just want to say I'm here for you."

"Taking over Heightmeyer's job, McKay?" John quipped. "You get your Ph. D. in psychology while I was gone or something?"

"No, … no, no, no. Just sometimes it's easier to talk to a friend and I am that, aren't I? Your friend."

John sighed. "Yes, you're my friend, McKay. Is that what you were worried about? Teyla and I made new friends on Dimitta and now you're worried you aren't my friend anymore."

"Oh, no, … I mean, I know I'm still your friend. I just … wanted to be a _good_ friend and be there for you … if you needed me, you know."

John nodded slowly and patiently. "I appreciate that, Rodney, but you saw for yourself that we were doing okay where we were. There wasn't any electricity or modern technology and _you would_ probably need therapy after living like that for a year, but Teyla and I managed quite nicely, thanks."

"Oh, sure, _there_ you were fine but before … that wasn't so great."

John's jaw clenched when he thought of that time and again he wondered how much they actually knew. He wasn't sure he _wanted_ to know.

"Rodney, did you actually go to the place where we were held originally?"

"No, Lorne went and threatened them with big weapons. I just got the picture from the tape."

"What tape?" John moved closer and Rodney clamped his mouth shut, hardly believing he'd just said that. Sam would kill him. No, Ronon would kill him first.

"Oh, no, … it wasn't really a tape, it was , …. Um you know," his eyes searched the room for something plausible he could get Sheppard to buy. "Surveillance. I got a picture of the people who bought you from a surveillance tape when they first walked in. The slave lady didn't have a name. Remember we told you that's why it took so long to find you because we had to look everywhere and only use the picture we had."

John could tell Rodney was lying. The man was a terrible liar. He thought about the time when they were in the slave cages and he knew they'd had video cameras around but he never actually knew when they were on. Apparently they had been on when the Masters had been in. And when he thought about what had transpired during that time, his heart almost stopped at the thought that someone had seen that; someone from Atlantis.

"Were the tapes on when those bastards came to _buy_ us?" John whispered viciously, his voice like sandpaper.

Rodney's eyes grew wide and he looked panicked. _Shit! That means they were_. John looked at Rodney again and he could tell more bull would be coming out of his mouth.

"No, I mean, they were just when they first walked in. We didn't see you and Teyla in them at all. I mean, we didn't see anything at all. Nothing, really."

John closed his eyes and knew that they had also taped when he and Teyla had ' _performed'_. It was part of the whole marketing scheme. Was that on the same tape?

Rodney saw John's eyes fill with intense pain and he suddenly knew he was remembering what had happened. He'd never seen Sheppard hurt that much; not when the Iratus bug had been attached, not when the Wraith had fed on him or even when he'd turned into a bug. But that had all been physical pain; this was emotional pain. And it was severe; Rodney could see it quite clearly.

Rodney watched as Sheppard walked over to the window and stared out. His shoulders were tensed and his hands gripped the windowsill tightly. Rodney moved up behind him.

"Sheppard," McKay said softly to get his attention. "It's okay. Nobody knows. Well … except me."

Rodney was determined to get this lie out right. Sheppard might know that he had seen a little bit but there was no way he was telling him that Carter, Lorne and Ronon had seen it, too. He could do this. He _had to_ for his friend's sanity. He knew Sheppard was an extremely private person and knowing that people had seen what had happened, that could most definitely push him over the edge. _He could do this!_

"Nobody else saw this tape," Sheppard clarified. "How is that?"

"Lorne didn't have the right equipment to play it and so they gave it to me to finagle some way to watch it," he fibbed. "And when I saw what was on it, I wouldn't let anyone else see it. I told them I managed to get a picture of the people who had you but that most of it was compromised and blurry."

"And they bought that?" John asked doubtfully.

"Yeah, they did, because I made sure once I got the picture, the rest of it _was_ compromised and blurry."

John looked like he wanted to believe him and Rodney hoped he did. He couldn't let his friend know what they'd seen.

"Where's the tape now?" John asked looking around the lab like he might see it just lying around to be picked up by any schmoe.

"I destroyed it!" Rodney said proudly and he saw that John had bought that lie and seemed a bit more relieved. But come to think of it, that really wasn't a lie because he really had destroyed the tape. Maybe that's what made him more believable.

John stared out the window for a few more minutes and then turned slowly around. "Did you see when Teyla and I … when we … " his mouth turned into a twisted version of a smile, "when Torren was conceived?"

"Oh, wow, really, that was when … oh um no, … I fast forwarded through that part." Rodney really had, so he wasn't lying too much on that.

"But it was on there, wasn't it?" John's voice was choked with emotion and Rodney could almost feel his pain. He just nodded.

John took another deep breath and then his jaw grew even tighter. When he looked up at Rodney his eyes were like steel. "Teyla can _never_ know that this tape existed. Do you understand me? I swear, McKay, if she ever finds out I will personally rip your tongue out with my bare hands."

Rodney knew he wasn't really serious, although the look in his eyes certainly made him think that his friend could actually do that. He shook his head vehemently back and forth and promised, "Never, never, never. I wouldn't do that to Teyla."

John stood staring at him and Rodney knew when John realized that Rodney meant what he said, that he wouldn't ever tell anyone. He cared for Teyla, too, and he would never want to see her hurt this way.

It took another few minutes for Sheppard to get his emotions under control but when he did it was like nothing had ever happened, except the tension around his eyes. Rodney didn't know how he did it. It was like he flipped a switch or something.

John checked his watch as he walked toward the door and turned back to instruct, "One hour, McKay. And we'll be watching a comedy."

McKay just shook his head. Good, after what just transpired, they'd need a good laugh.

.

.

They ended up watching ' _How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days'_ and McKay just thought it was really silly but Teyla seemed to find it amusing so he didn't nitpick like he usually did. And he was a bit worried about what Sheppard would be like after their conversation.

The man didn't seem to be overtly upset with him but Rodney did notice he was especially solicitous toward Teyla. He had gotten the baby ready for bed after Teyla had fed him and then gotten her a cup of tea and made her popcorn. He figured maybe John had done all this stuff for her while they were on the other planet but he still thought it was a bit much. He'd never cater to a woman as much as Sheppard was accommodating Teyla tonight.

But he also saw Sheppard watching Teyla more than he watched the movie. Of course _he_ was keeping _his_ eye on Sheppard more than the movie also. But as much as he usually was grossed out and disgusted by lovey dovey couples, he almost didn't mind it when he saw them do it. They weren't obvious and sickening about it, first of all. And he could truly see how much they cared about each other.

Sheppard had one arm around Teyla's back and she was relaxed against him. He kept leaning over and either whispering in her ear or pressing his lips to her neck. It was only for a second each time he did it but it always made Teyla smile and then she would look up at him with that big smile. And then John would smile back. And Rodney could tell they were really happy together. And he felt good about that. After what had happened, they deserved some happiness and he was glad they had found it with each other. Of course that didn't mean he would stop giving them crap about their almost non-existent PDA but they expected that from him so he didn't want to step out of character. He knew they'd start worrying about _him._

The movie was just finishing when the chime on the door sounded. Ronon was closest and opened it to admit Colonel Carter. She greeted everyone but looked straight at John. "Sorry, to interrupt your movie, John, but I finally heard back from the SGC and thought you should know."

"From the look on your face, it's not good news," John guessed.

Carter shrugged and her smile twisted. "I don't really know what they have planned, John. But they want you back at the SGC immediately for an in-depth debrief. They'd like for Teyla to come, too. When I told them about the baby they agreed that he would most certainly be welcome as well. Aside from the debrief they didn't give me any more information about your status here as Military Commander."

"When?" was all John said.

"They've authorized a direct wormhole back to Earth for first thing tomorrow morning."

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	29. Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 29

Chapter 29

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"Mr. Sheppard," Carol called through the intercom, "There's a Major Davis from the Air Force here to see you."

Patrick Sheppard gave a heavy sigh and closed his laptop. He had just been looking at the pictures that Colonel Carter had sent back of John. It was coming up on a year from when he had gone missing and he was having a hard time dealing with it. He wondered what this Major wanted. It wasn't General O'Neill but then how much more bad news could they give him? They had already told him his son was dead. It was probably just some final paperwork or his medals or something. He guessed those would be nice to have to show what John had accomplished while in the service of his country.

"Send him in, Carol, thank you."

The door opened and a typical military man about John's age walked in the door. Patrick rose to shake the man's hand.

"Mr. Sheppard, I'm Major Paul Davis. I was sent by General O'Neill."

O'Neill's name got Patrick's attention but still wondered what this could be about. "Major Davis, what can I do for you?"

Davis looked serious and said, "We just got information that they found your son, Colonel Sheppard."

"Found his body you mean," Patrick managed to choke out without sounding too pathetic. He still had a difficult time accepting that John was dead.

Davis managed a tiny smile. "No, Colonel Sheppard was found alive."

Patrick thought his heart had stopped and his eyes narrowed to clarify what the man had said. He didn't want to get his hopes up. "John is alive, you're sure?"

"Absolutely, Mr. Sheppard. Apparently he was brought back to base a few days ago."

"Where was he all this time? Is he all right? Is he hurt or wounded?" Patrick was beginning to sound frantic but he didn't really care. John was alive!

"My office really wasn't given much information," Davis apologized. "General O'Neill asked me to come give you the message. He left this morning for Colorado. He wanted to meet Colonel Sheppard himself when he came into Peterson Air Force Base."

"They're bringing John back here?" Patrick asked hopefully but he would think they would after all John had gone through in the last year. Although truthfully he didn't really know what he _had_ gone through. "When?"

"Colonel Sheppard is due in sometime this morning. I'm not sure of the exact time."

"Can I see him?"

Davis gave a small chuckle. "General O'Neill thought you would ask. Absolutely. Colonel Sheppard will most likely be in debriefings for a good portion of the day and need to go through a series of medical tests but I was told that if you went to Peterson, we could arrange for you to see your son sometime this afternoon. Would you like for us to arrange transportation?"

"I have my own private jet," Patrick informed him. "But I _will_ need clearance to land if you could arrange for that."

"It's already been done. General O'Neill gave authorization this morning when he landed there. You should be all set. Just mention why you're there and they'll direct you to where you can meet with Colonel Sheppard."

"Thank you, Major," Patrick shook the man's hand enthusiastically and saw him to the door. When Davis entered the elevator, Patrick knew he needed to make arrangements but right now his heart was beating so fast in his chest he wasn't sure he could move. He looked down and noticed his hand on the door knob was actually shaking.

He gave himself a few minutes to try to regain his typical control then marched over to Carol's desk. She eyed him nervously, knowing the last few times an Air Force officer arrived, they had brought heartbreaking news. And this time Mr. Sheppard looked even more harried by what they had told him.

"Carol, I need you to get one of my pilots and have him prepare the plane. I need to leave for Peterson Air Force base in Colorado right away. And is David in his office right now?"

Carol nodded. "Yes, Mr. Sheppard, he is." She looked down the hallway to where the Air Force officer had disappeared to.

Patrick gave a very large, genuine smile. "John is alive and he's coming back to the States this morning."

Carol's eyes actually teared up at this. She hadn't seen John Sheppard in years but she had worked here long enough to remember him from when he was a teenager and worked in the mail room. He was always causing mischief but she remembered he was the sweetest boy and was so polite. She never understood why Mr. Sheppard and he had been so at each other's throats all the time. But maybe now things would be different. _Mr. Sheppard_ had been different since the military had told him his son had died.

Patrick walked down the hall to his eldest son's office, barely able to contain his relief and excitement. He thought of what all this meant. He had said prayers for months when John was declared MIA that he would be found. And now he knew it was time to live up to all the promises he'd made if John was brought back alive. And he was determined to keep them, whatever it took.

David Sheppard looked up as his father walked in his open door and immediately stood and moved closer. His father's face was flushed and his eyes were shiny.

"Dad, what is it? Are you feeling okay?" David asked his voice filled with concern. "Are you having those chest pains again? You know I told you to let your doctor know about them."

Patrick just chuckled at his son's questions. He put his hand on David's shoulder and said shakily, "A Major Davis from the Air Force was just here. Your brother's alive! He's being brought back to the States this morning to Peterson."

It took David a minute to truly process what his father had said but when it made its way through his very busy mind, he had to suck in a deep breath. "John's alive? John's alive!" He turned around and his gaze moved all around the room before he focused on his Dad again. "Where the hell has he been? Is he okay? What did they tell you?"

Patrick patted David's shoulder again. "The Major didn't have any information other than when he was getting in. And I've already had Carol arrange for my plane to take me there. I actually need to go home and grab an overnight bag just in case. Major Davis said that John would be in debriefing meetings for quite a while as well as involved in medical tests. Now he didn't have any information on his condition but I'm hoping if he's well enough to sit through some long meetings, he can't be too badly injured or ill. Hopefully the medical tests are simply routine after being gone for so long."

David just stared longingly at his father. He wanted to see John, too. He had missed his brother and felt guilt gnaw at him over how he had treated him on occasion the last few times he had seen him. He hoped he would get the chance to make amends. Patrick seemed to sense his feelings.

"I hope to bring him back home with me if the military will allow it. I don't know what protocol is for this type of thing. But I'll put up a stink if I have to. My biggest concern is that John won't want to come home. And truthfully, after what I put him through last time, I really don't blame him."

David put his hand on his father's shoulder this time. "If you tell him _that_ and how much you missed him, I think he'll come. Just make sure you tell him how you feel, Dad. He needs to know. Pretend he's Scotty or Kristy, it's easier for you with them, I think."

Patrick laughed and grasped his son's arms and shook his head. "Thank you, David. You've always been here for me and I want you to know how much I really appreciate it. Maybe I don't tell you enough but I love you and I'm very proud of all you've accomplished."

Patrick took a deep breath and pulled his son in briefly for an embrace. He figured he should practice. He would be seeing John soon and if his youngest son would let him, he definitely wanted to hold him in his arms one more time. He hadn't done it since he was a small boy. And it was long past due.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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John stared in the mirror brushing his teeth and wondered again about shaving the beard off. He knew he'd have to do it eventually but for some strange reason he felt like it kept him connected to his life on Dimitta. And Teyla had said that the bearded John was _her_ John and the clean shaven one was her teammate and friend. He wanted to be _her_ John, TJ's father and Teyla's husband. He knew he still would be even if he didn't have the hair on his face but it was still a tiny little thing that he clung to for now. He lifted the razor and put it down again. He wasn't ready to do it, not yet. And he didn't think it would be the deciding factor in his position on Atlantis, either.

He finished his clean up and walked back to the bedroom where Torren was lying on the bed while Teyla got dressed. He didn't know why she was nervous, he didn't think they could actually tell her she couldn't come back to Atlantis but he supposed if _he_ couldn't come back it would certainly affect her immensely. But it really wouldn't matter what she _wore_.

He had thought about wearing his dress blues but in the end decided on a clean, newer pair of BDU's and he'd kept the Atlantis patch firmly on his arm. He wanted them to see that as a sign of his dedication to the expedition. He hoped it would work.

John crawled to lean over TJ and stick his nose in his belly. TJ began to squeal and gurgle the way he always did when John tickled him and he fell even more in love with his son. He was finding the child didn't even have to do anything and he would fall more each second of every day. His son was so amazing he wondered what he would feel like when the kid was twenty. He hoped he wouldn't start thinking the way his father had. That wouldn't be good.

Thinking of his Dad, he wondered if he would get a chance to go visit him. He had no idea what the SGC wanted him there for and if he'd be allowed to leave at all. It would be nice to at least talk to him on the phone and let him know he was alive. Or maybe they had already done that. He'd never died before so he didn't really know what was SOP.

"So, Pal, you're going to Earth with me and Mommy today. That's where your Daddy is from. Hopefully we'll get a chance to actually see some of it. The SGC isn't real pretty in itself. It's nothing like Atlantis or even Dimitta but Earth has some really nice places and if you're lucky we might see a few."

"Do you think we will be able to visit your father, John?" Teyla asked as she buttoned her top.

"I don't know. I was just thinking about that. I hope so. I've been thinking about him a lot, ever since I became a Dad. And I really want to try and make amends although I'm not really sure that's possible. He might still be mad at me because I didn't ever listen to him and still want me to join the company business. And I don't think I could ever do that."

"So we might see your Grandpa if you're lucky, or not so lucky depending on his mood," John told Torren as the boy grabbed for John's face which was pushed up against his. He planted a bunch of little kisses all over Torren's nose and cheeks and chin and then moved to his neck which made the infant laugh even louder.

Teyla moved up behind John and rested her cheek on his shoulder. Her hand slid around his waist and rubbed against his chest. "Everything will be just fine, John. You will see. We are married and have a child so they may not forbid us from being with each other. You said yourself the worst they could do was remove me from your team. And with Torren now here to care for, I am not sure being on an away team would be the best for me. And it would be a dangerous thing for both of our child's parents to be on the _same_ team. Sam has asked if I would be interested in taking on more of the diplomatic negotiating duties here in the city. I have told her I will consider it."

John rolled over onto his back and lifted Torren to rest on his chest. He looked at Teyla and shook his head. "You're an integral member of my team, Teyla, but I think you're probably right. Something happens to the team and TJ would lose both parents. I'm not sure I could function properly knowing that could happen. And the last thing the city needs is someone out there who isn't at the top of his game."

Teyla rested on her elbow, one hand caressing their child's back along with John's. She leaned down and kissed John's lips. "I must admit to liking you when you are at the top of your game. The first night back here I believe you were very much so, although I think I was the winner that night, twice."

John wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Oh, don't you believe it, sweetie, when you win, I win. There's no doubt about it. And I really like it when you win."

Teyla chuckled and her kiss grew more passionate, though she knew they must depart soon. "Then we must be sure to play the game more often."

John's lips ran over hers once more. "I like the way you think. Must be why I married you."

.

.

John slung his bag and Teyla's over his good shoulder as she readjusted the sling on hers. She also had a small bag for Torren that Ronon was currently holding for her. John figured one of the things he would buy in bulk when they got to Earth was disposable diapers. He wondered how many he would need for a year. Okay, maybe only a few months as the Daedelus or Apollo usually made it to Atlantis every two months or so. He'd make sure they always had a supply.

"Give them whatever information they need then make sure you come right back," McKay demanded. "We had to make do without both of you for a year, we don't want to have to do it for any longer than necessary."

Carter smiled and said, "I have to agree with Rodney on this one, John. I think Cooper can manage things for a little longer but I really do need a seasoned person here running the military aspect. And General O'Neill is more than aware of this, as is General Landry. And make sure they keep us informed of what's going on with you and Teyla."

"Will do, Colonel," John promised and looked to see if Teyla was ready to go. She was talking to Torren and cooing like a typical Mom, trying to keep him happy while they bustled around with final details.

"Lorne, keep an eye on things for me, huh?" John instructed glancing around to make sure Cooper hadn't somehow snuck into the gate room. But Sam had him taking inventory of the ordinance and she knew he took that kind of thing very seriously.

Sam called for the gate to be dialed and John nodded at Ronon then Rodney, not attempting to say anything. Rodney was still kicking himself for blurting out what he did yesterday as he now saw the pain in John's eyes every time the man looked at him. Sheppard hated that Rodney knew and he knew that it was a constant reminder whenever John looked at him. Rodney just hoped that would fade in time also.

The gate activated and Teyla looked assuredly at everyone gathered. "We will be back very soon. Of that I am sure."

Waves were given and the little family entered the event horizon.

.

.

"Right on time," O'Neill grinned when he saw the incoming wormhole. He moved toward the gate room anxious to see how Sheppard was. The reports that had come back said he was basically fine, although he had some shoulder wound that would need some work. And Carter had emphasized quite vehemently how much she needed Sheppard on Atlantis. He had almost been jealous. But then she had mentioned how much she needed _him_ in other ways as well. But this long distance relationship was hell.

Landry joined him at the bottom of the ramp as the event horizon rippled and Sheppard and Teyla walked through. O'Neill was surprised at the facial hair on Sheppard as it was hardly regulation. But then he hadn't been anywhere near a place with regulations in almost a year.

"Sheppard, about time you showed up," O'Neill quipped. "A year's vacation is a little long, even for a Lt. Colonel."

Sheppard smiled though O'Neill could tell the man was a bit apprehensive. "Yes, Sir. Sorry about that, Sir. Got stuck in a little traffic on the way back."

Landry chuckled and shook his head. Between O'Neill and Sheppard he'd never get anything serious out of them. But when men did the type of work they did, he supposed you had to joke around to keep yourself sane. "Welcome back, Colonel Sheppard, Teyla. I heard you had a little present to show us."

Teyla's eyes lit up. "Yes, General Landry. He is mostly definitely a gift." She reached into the sling and scooped up Torren then lifted him to face the two men in front of them. The baby smiled, waved his arms and gurgled happily. "I think he likes you both."

"He should," O'Neill retorted. "We're Generals. And what's not to like?"

Sheppard chuckled but O'Neill thought he still looked anxious. Unfortunately he couldn't allay any of that anxiety until after they had checked out medically and then had some discussions. He reached out and tickled the baby's chin and thought the kid was awfully cute. But then he supposed his parents weren't too bad looking themselves.

Landry turned and directed an airman to take the bags Sheppard had and John relieved Teyla of the diaper bag but kept it with him. You never knew when you would need it.

"You'll need to check in with the infirmary first, of course," Landry told them and started walking out of the gate room. John and Teyla followed along behind with O'Neill making faces at TJ. John remembered that he'd heard O'Neill had lost a son when he was younger and truly felt for the man now. He couldn't imagine what that would be like. If something happened to TJ, he'd probably lose it completely.

"Would you like to hold him, General?" John asked the man who was keeping his eyes on the baby.

O'Neill lit up and answered, "I could do that if you don't mind. Give you a break while Dr. Lam is checking you out."

Teyla handed the boy over to O'Neill and the General held the child up to his face and started talking to him in a similar way to how John usually did.

Sheppard chuckled and wondered if that's what he looked like when he was talking to TJ. He had to admit it was kind of silly but when you were the one doing it, you really didn't care.

They entered the infirmary and spent the next half hour being poked and prodded at, even Torren had a check. John needed to spend even more time when Lam saw his shoulder. She sent him for an MRI, x-rays and did some more manipulation on his arm and joints. Teyla used the time to feed Torren and get him slumbering inside the sling.

When they were done with John, Landry called for them to come into a conference room with O'Neill and himself. John was surprised that it wasn't more formal with more top brass but O'Neill said he and Landry felt comfortable they could conduct the debrief themselves without bothering anyone else. John thought that was just a nice way of saying they didn't want anyone else butting in. He certainly didn't mind.

John and Teyla spent about an hour filling them in on the details of what had happened during the last mission and the next few weeks. They had both agreed ahead of time what their story would be. They would keep everything as truthful as they could except the part where they were taken by a sex slave ring. They also didn't mention what they had needed to do with the Masters.

The story covering Torren's conception was that they were so thrilled with being free from being slaves they had come together and finally realized and admitted their feelings for each other. They knew they ran the risk of being told it had been inappropriate to be on the same team when they had feelings for each other but John figured since they had never actually done anything about it until they were stranded, it should be okay.

And Landry and O'Neill didn't seem bothered by the fact so John tried to relax. The next few hours were spent mostly with John filling them in on what he had been brought up to date on in the city. They asked many questions and John was relieved that he had spent so many nights reading through all the mission reports and logs and status reports. Teyla piped in every now and then, showing that she was still aware of the status of things and the Generals seemed impressed that the two of them had adjusted back into the routine of Atlantis so easily.

John hardly thought it had been easy and he knew he still had quite a bit of work to do to truly get back to where he had been but he was happy he had faked it well enough to bluff his way through this meeting. Of course, he thought O'Neill and Landry seemed impressed that he and Teyla had managed to relay all this information while swapping Torren back and forth and keeping him calm and changed and fed. John thought _that_ had been the easy part.

Lunch had been brought in and after another round of discussions; O'Neill announced they were probably all set with information. They would still need to look at the medical report Lam would be compiling but thought they should take a break first. John and Teyla were led to one of the guest rooms with a bed and small sitting area. They used the bathroom to wash up and Teyla fed Torren again.

They hadn't been there for long when O'Neill showed up at the door. John wasn't sure that was a good sign. But O'Neill just smiled and said, "Thought you might like to take a little run over to Peterson. Apparently your father just landed and I know he's pretty anxious to see you."

John felt little shivers of apprehension run through him but then remembered what Ronon had said about his Dad at the funeral. He looked over at Teyla who gave him an encouraging smile.

"You know I gave him the news myself when you were MIA and then again when you were declared KIA," O'Neill said. "And I saw him at the funeral. It was a very nice service by the way. But I can tell you your Dad took it hard. He was all set to launch a whole fleet of planes to go out searching for you when you were missing. I couldn't really authorize him to send them to the Pegasus Galaxy though. He was a little miffed at that, I think."

John chuckled. "Yeah, my Dad doesn't really like anyone to tell him he can't do something."

"You need a few minutes to get ready?" O'Neill asked.

John looked at Teyla and she shook her head. Torren's bag was still packed. He took a deep breath and nodded. "We're all set."

O'Neill turned on his heel and walked out the door, Teyla and John following behind and the butterflies in John's stomach fluttered about even more.

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	30. Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30

Chapter 30

.

John paused about twenty feet from the door of the room they told him his Dad was in. He wasn't sure he could do this. All he kept remembering was the last time they had been together and the yelling that had gone on. He knew he was guilty of plenty of it himself but his Dad had done his share. It seemed John could never do anything right where his father was concerned. If he didn't join the business then he must not care about his father or the family, _that_ was according to his Dad.

But he wanted to try, especially now that he was a father himself. Would his Dad finally accept him or still expect him to fold to his desires and needs? He really didn't want to get into another screaming match, especially with Teyla and TJ nearby. But maybe with them there, his Dad would hold his tongue more.

John looked at Teyla, TJ swathed in the sling and asked, "You're coming in right?"

"I do wish to meet your father and I know Torren should meet his grandfather, however I also believe you should meet with him first by yourself, John. I know you are nervous but your father wishes to see his son. It would be best if you spent at least a few minutes alone with him. We will be right out here should you need us."

John knew she was right but it didn't make him any less anxious. "If you hear yelling and screaming, come in and save me, okay?"

"I do not think you will need saving, John," Teyla chuckled yet her heart ached for the pain she knew her husband was feeling. She reached out and took his hand, looking him in the eyes. "You will be fine, John. Remember that I love you and that your son loves you."

John peeked inside the sling and leaned down to plant a kiss on TJ's cheek. The baby was just waking up from the little nap he'd taken in the car. John gently touched the soft hair on his tiny head then leaned in to kiss Teyla. "And I love you both, very much. Well, here goes."

John took a deep breath, turned the knob on the door, walked in and closed the door behind him.

.

Patrick Sheppard heard the door open and close behind him as he looked out the window at the surrounding scenery. He figured it was just someone offering him more coffee or donuts. He'd been here for close to an hour and John hadn't shown yet. He had been told that it might take a while for him to finish in his meetings and get to this location.

When he heard the discreet cough and the softly whispered, "Dad," Patrick whipped around fast. John was standing in front of the door, his eyes full of what Patrick could only call fear. What was he afraid of? God, it wasn't him, was it? Had he been such a rotten father his son was afraid of him? Or had something happened to him while he was missing to put this fear in him?

In the two seconds it took for him to turn around, he took note of John's appearance. He was wearing a set of black fatigues and combat boots, typical of what he'd seen John wear before, just different colors. But his hair was longer than military regulations and he was sporting a beard. Patrick thought he looked very thin and his eyes were tired. He definitely looked much older than the last time he had seen him. But then it had probably been almost five years; of course he would look older.

"John," he finally managed to get out and then he realized he didn't even know what to say to his son. How pitiful was that? He knew everything that he wanted to say to him but how did he start? He couldn't just blurt it out. Then he saw John give a tiny smile and he knew what he wanted to do first.

He took the few steps to reach him and placed his hands on John's arms. "John," he breathed out again and he found his voice was having a hard time working right now. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his son, just as he had wanted. John tensed for only a second then allowed the embrace. When Patrick felt John relax in his grip, he held on even tighter. It had been far too long since he had held his son. Age should not have stopped them from participating in this type of display.

Patrick pulled back after a few seconds and gazed at his youngest son. He was a bit blurry and Patrick blinked a few times, wondering what had possibly gotten in his eyes to affect them like this. But when they cleared, he could see that the fear in John's eyes had dissipated somewhat.

He kept hold of John's arms and nodded his head. "It's good to see you again, John. You can't even imagine the relief I felt when they told me you were alive."

Patrick had to stop talking again because his throat was starting to close up with the big lump inside it. He blinked that stupid dust back out of his eyes again and squeezed John's arms. "Are you okay? You're not hurt or ill are you?"

John studied his father and wondered what had happened to cause such a drastic change in him. He had tears in his eyes and his voice was so filled with emotion, he could barely speak. He'd never known his Dad to have so little control over his emotions before. Then he realized that his Dad had thought he was dead. For months he had thought his son was killed and was never coming back. He thought of TJ and realized how much losing his son would affect him and started to understand maybe a little of what his father was feeling now.

John lifted his hands and touched his Dad's arms as well. "I'm okay, Dad. I'm fine. I'm so sorry you had to go through that." John found his voice a little on the scratchy side and tried clearing it again.

Patrick chuckled slightly and patted John's arms then dropped his hands. "It's hardly your fault. But I am wondering what the heck happened. Can you even tell me or is that classified, too?"

John heard a tiny bit of sarcasm and felt the familiarity return. His Dad never did like being told he couldn't know something. But they had worked out a feasible cover story that still kept within the facts of what they'd told his Dad and what really happened.

"My transport went down and unfortunately it wasn't in the best neighborhood. I spent almost two weeks with some … unsavory characters before I managed to get away. I made the mistake of … borrowing another transport that didn't get me very far. It was an island off the coast of nowhere that didn't even have electricity or communications of any kind. The locals were great but there wasn't any way to get off the island. It was just luck that we were finally found."

" _We_ ," Patrick caught hold of the word. John had said ** _I_** at first then had changed to _we_. "General O'Neill told me you had a woman with you when you went down and that she had been with you when you had tried to escape. That's when they thought you had been killed. What happened to her? Was she with you?"

Patrick saw John's face completely change when he mentioned the woman and he suddenly got a good feeling for some reason. John's mouth curved into a big grin and his eyes sparkled with delight. "Yeah, she was. Her name is Teyla and I really want you to meet her."

"I'd love to," Patrick responded. "We should definitely arrange that."

"Actually," John said his eyes shining brighter, "she's right outside the door. Didn't know if I'd need rescuing when I came in here."

Patrick knew John was just kidding but the little gibe still hurt although he knew John had every reason to feel that way. He hoped they could spend enough time together to finally get past that hurt, on both sides.

Patrick nodded at John's questioning look and John moved to the door and opened it. The young woman from the picture moved in the door and Patrick saw that she was as lovely in person as she was in the image he had sitting in his office. John reached inside the fabric scarf she had tied around her shoulder and to his surprise, John lifted an infant out and onto his shoulder.

"Dad, this is Teyla," he said gazing with obvious love at the woman, then his gaze swung to the child he held and his eyes shown with pride. "And this is our son. His name is Torren John."

Patrick's eyes widened at the sight and his mouth curved into a grin. Apparently John and this woman had indeed admitted their feelings for each other; and some time ago. He moved toward the woman, Teyla, who was smiling welcomingly at him and reached down to kiss her cheek.

"I'm thrilled to meet you, Teyla. I'll admit I already knew about you as Colonel Carter sent some pictures of John to me that were taken on the base. One of them was of you and John and I could tell just from the way he was looking at you in the picture that you were something special to him."

"It is an honor to meet you, Mr. Sheppard," Teyla said as she bowed her head. Patrick was taken aback at the very formal greeting but remembered Carter had said she was local to where John had been stationed. Looking at her he couldn't really pinpoint exactly where that was but she had dark toned skin and exotic eyes and she was incredibly lovely. And it was apparent that John was deeply in love with her. That thought brought warmth to his insides.

Patrick turned toward John who was whispering to the baby in his arms and another surge of warmth entered him. He had another grandchild. "He's beautiful, John. Congratulations. How old is he?"

"How old are you?" John whispered sweetly to the boy then kissed his nose. "Your grandfather wants to know. This is him, right here, remember I said you would probably get a chance to meet him."

Patrick smiled at the way John was talking to the baby. It had been a while since he had held such a little one now that Kristy was almost four, although she still liked her Grandpa to hold her on occasion. He held out his hands and asked, "Would you like to come see your Grandpa, young man?"

John handed him over and said, "He's almost three months old, Dad," answering Patrick's previous question.

Patrick looked up at John in wonder when he did the math. This child would have been conceived soon after they had disappeared.

John grinned. "Yeah, we were pretty happy when we escaped and relieved that we were alive so …"

John knew there was no way in hell he would ever tell his Dad what had really happened. He figured this was the best answer as to how Torren came to be when he did.

"You had a little celebration," Patrick finished John's sentence. "Nothing wrong with celebrating life, especially when it ends with another life being created. And you seem fairly happy about having him."

"Our son is a miraculous blessing and we feel honored we were given such a precious gift," Teyla smiled graciously and Patrick loved the way she talked. Her words were beautiful and graceful and he wondered if that was one of the things John had fallen in love with first. He knew he probably would have.

Patrick moved toward the small couch near the wall and sat down with the baby in his lap facing up at him. He began making funny noises and faces and John felt his insides relax for the first time in hours. He'd never seen his father like this before, not even with Dave's kids. But then he hadn't really spent a whole lot of time with his Dad after Dave had become a father. He usually saw Dave, Amy and the kids or his father. He'd never wanted to get into a yelling match in front of the kids so he'd stayed away when they were both together.

Patrick looked up and invited Teyla to sit near him and he continued talking to the child. "Have you been a good boy for your Mom and Dad? I hope so. I know it's kind of difficult when you first have a baby and sometimes Moms and Dads don't get much sleep. Are you sleeping for them?"

Teyla smiled widely at Patrick's discussions, not unlike the ones John typically had with Torren. "The past week, since we have been back on base, he has slept infinitely better. Perhaps he felt the relief of his parents at having returned home."

Patrick looked up at Teyla as his hands rubbed Torren's belly and the baby giggled. "Are your people aware now that you're alive? I was told you're from around where John's been stationed."

"Yes," Teyla answered. "We visited them several days ago and they had a wonderful celebration for us. My people have been dwindling in number and when they saw that we had increased those numbers by one, all rejoiced."

John cleared his throat and smiled when Teyla glared at him. He knew not _all_ had rejoiced. Kanaan had been more than a bit sulky. But John just felt smug now rather than annoyed or jealous. He and Teyla were a pair, a team, partners, and they had a child to show their bond and love for each other so it didn't matter if there was a jealous wannabe boyfriend hanging out somewhere nearby.

Patrick patted Teyla's hand that was resting on her thigh next to his. "I know what you went through couldn't have been good but I want to say, Teyla, that I'm very thankful you were with John. The thought of him crashing and hurting all by himself was terrifying. Knowing that someone who cared about him was with him when he was going through that gave me a small amount of comfort."

Teyla looked up at John and saw his eyes were puzzled. Apparently his father's words were not what he expected to hear from him. From what she knew of John and his father's relationship, it had been strained at best. But what she had seen so far, perhaps there was that chance for reconciliation that John had so wanted. She hoped so for John's sake as well as their son's. She had lost her parents young and this man was Torren's only grandparent. It would be a shame if he could not enjoy their relationship.

"I am relieved that John was with me, too. We both were a great comfort to the other throughout our time away. And I can never regret what came from our being together." She placed her hand on Torren's head and caressed gently.

Patrick leaned down and pressed his lips to the baby's forehead and sighed. "I don't think anyone could regret something so beautiful. So, Teyla," he changed the subject, "tell me a little bit about yourself. I'd like to know more about who my son is involved with."

"Actually, Dad, we're married," John interrupted, not wanting his father to think that he and Teyla hadn't made a commitment to each other. "Or at least we are in the place where we spent the last year. I'm not sure how legal it is around here."

Patrick's smile made it all the way to his eyes. He looked at John with such approval that John had to suck in a deep breath. It had been forever since he had seen his father look at him that way. But he found that he really liked it and wanted to see that expression again.

"Then I truly welcome you to the family, Teyla, and now I have even more of a need to know about my daughter-in-law." He leaned over and kissed Teyla's cheek again.

Teyla smiled sweetly back and began talking, although she knew she needed to keep things as vague as possible. She and John had already spoken about this.

"I come from a place called Athos and my people are mostly farmers and traders. We are a peaceful people but unfortunately have needed to find ways to fight when unfriendly forces have overtaken us. When John's people arrived years ago, they gave us hope to finally be free of the burden or our enemy. We still work together to find ways to rid ourselves and our region of this foe. I came to live on the base that John's people established to help as a liaison and ambassador as well as a guide in navigating our territory."

Patrick glanced up at John who was gazing at his wife with pride and love. He could understand why. Teyla seemed wonderful. "And your own parents, they're no longer with you?"

Teyla's smile was now a sad one. "I lost my mother when I was young and my father raised me. He was the leader of our people and trained me to also lead and be strong for them. However he was also lost to us many years back. I do miss them terribly but now I must carry on in their names and do justice to their memories. And now that I have a child, I wish to be as strong a mother as mine was and raise Torren in the ways of my people."

"Torren?" Patrick looked curious. "Is that a traditional name of your people?"

Teyla's smile was warm with memory. "Torren is the name of my father. I wished to honor his memory by naming my son after him. And of course he is John after his own father." Teyla then looked up and gave John that smile that was just for him.

"I think that's lovely, my dear," Patrick said. "I'm sure your father knows and is honored to have such a fine young man named after him."

"I like to believe that also."

Patrick looked up at John who had just been standing with his hands in his pockets listening to them. "I like her, John. She's absolutely perfect and I can't imagine anyone better for the mother of your child. She sounds like she's a strong one. Hope she's strong enough to put you in your place from time to time."

John chuckled at this and nodded, "Yeah, you don't have to worry about that. The looks she gives me are dangerous enough at times but she's pretty strong physically, too. What Teyla didn't tell you was that she's quite a warrior herself and can kick my ass if she wants to. She's certainly done it enough in the past."

"And what did you do to deserve this, or should I even ask?" Patrick questioned his son who was smirking mischievously.

"John is speaking of when we train and spar together. I have been teaching him for quite some time in the methods of fighting that many of my people use. He has been an astute student yet he still feels that using his gun is much more effective."

John made a funny face and said, "That's because it is, especially if it's me. I don't have your moves and finesse, Teyla, and I'd have the crap kicked out of me if I tried to stick with hand-to-hand like you."

Patrick glanced down to the tiny, dainty woman sitting next to him and had a hard time imagining her fighting in battles and taking no names. But it seemed as if that's what she was capable of. One more reason to be amazed by her. He looked up at John again. "You better make sure you treat her right then, John. Keep hold of this one tightly and don't do anything to lose her."

"Yes, sir," John choked out in his military tone and that feeling of disapproval entered him again. He hadn't said so, but he got the impression his father was referencing his relationship with Nancy. His father had loved Nancy and had been royally pissed when Nancy had left. But he'd been pissed off at John not at Nancy. He figured John hadn't treated her right and that's why she had left him. John couldn't really defend himself on that one since he knew he had been a lousy husband. He kept hoping he would be much better with Teyla.

John remained quiet as his Dad and Teyla conversed a bit more about the baby. This meeting was going better than he had hoped but he knew that Teyla and TJ had probably diffused any tense situations that would have arisen by now. And he had no doubts, that even with his Dad missing him and the emotional greeting he had been given, there would still be things that they'd butt heads over. There always were.

Patrick looked up at his quiet son and decided to test the waters and see what John was thinking, future wise. "So, John, I was hoping that maybe you'd have some time and could come visit for a little while. I know your brother and Amy were hoping to see you. And once they know they have a new sister-in-law and nephew, they'll want to meet them, too."

John nodded truly wondering if that was a good idea. He did want to see Dave and Amy again and the kids must be getting really big. But he was still so unsure what his place was in the military. "I'm not sure what the Air Force has planned for me, Dad. We spent a good portion of the day in meetings and being checked out physically. They haven't given me any indication of whether I'll get my old command back or if they'll ship me somewhere else."

Patrick felt steam rise inside him. How could the military even think about asking John to continue serving after what he had been through? Certainly they would allow him an Honorable Discharge and let him get on with his life. He was about to say that when he thought back to all the previous conversations he and John had participated in on this subject. And John had usually told him, shouted at him actually, that he wanted to serve and that he enjoyed it. And he had always said that his father didn't understand what it was that John wanted.

Well Patrick wasn't sure that John really knew what John wanted most of the time and that was one of the reasons that he had tried pushing him into working for the family business so much. But he didn't want to push his son anywhere this time. He was trying very hard not to come out and demand that John finally come home and start working for him. He took a calming breath and simply told John what he would like.

"I would really like for you to come home and spend some time with us, John. And I'd love to get to know my new daughter-in-law and grandson better, too. I hope they'll allow you some time for that."

John breathed out a sigh of relief at his father's words. They were so polite and respectful and weren't actually demanding in any way. He began to wonder if maybe his father hadn't been overtaken by some alien entity. He now knew that was always a possibility.

"I think I'd like that too, Dad, if they let me. Hopefully they'll make a decision soon."

"Good," Patrick nodded and then motioned for John to grab a chair and join them. "So tell me a little bit about this place you spent a year in. What was it like besides having no electricity?"

John pulled a folding chair over and he and Teyla took turns telling Patrick about Dimitta. They didn't give it a name and they left out many details, obviously, but they did talk about many of the friends they had made while there and the types of work they did. Teyla insisted on regaling Patrick with a few stories that John wished she would leave private, like the time he fell in the river with Tim and Finn. It had been embarrassing enough at the time without everyone else knowing how stupid and drunk they had been.

But Patrick just laughed and told them of a time that he and several frat buddies had done something almost identical while he had been at Harvard. "Luckily several of the Crew Team were out on the Charles River practicing for a race and managed to fish us out before we drowned. I felt like an idiot for months after. And your mother always just laughed and brought it up when she thought I needed to be brought down a peg or two, which was too often unfortunately."

John had laughed heartily and was surprised that his father had shared this story with them. He had never really talked about when he was younger except to brag about how good his grades had been and how many contacts he had made from that time. He liked hearing that his Dad was human after all.

They spent a bit more time talking about Dave and Amy and the kids and then there was a soft knock on the door before it opened. General O'Neill stood there. "Mr. Sheppard, glad you could make it."

Patrick got up quickly and handed the baby to John so he could shake the man's hand. "General, thank you so much for allowing me to come see John. And I'm especially thankful to meet his lovely wife, Teyla and my new grandson. I do appreciate it. I'm wondering, though what your plans are for him now."

John cringed at his Dad taking charge again like that. He had made so many improvements but John knew it was too much to hope for to have his Dad let someone else have control for too long. But O'Neill just smiled and said, "That's why I'm here. I have a few things I need to speak with Colonel Sheppard about. Do you mind if I steal him for a few minutes?"

"No, no, go right ahead," Patrick replied. "Do you need Teyla, too? I can watch the baby if you do."

O'Neill looked at Teyla and responded, "Teyla, you're certainly welcome to come but it's mostly John I need to speak with."

Teyla reached for Torren and declared, "I will stay here with your father, John, to keep him company, unless you feel you need me with you."

John saw Teyla's impish grin and knew she was thinking back to when he said he might need her to rescue him from his Dad. He grinned back at her. "No, you stay here. I think I can manage."

John moved to follow O'Neill out the door and heard his father ask Teyla, "So, Teyla, tell me about the first time you met my son. What did you think of him?"

John really wanted to hear that conversation but he knew O'Neill was waiting and he wanted to hear what the man had to say. Hopefully they had made a final decision and it was in his favor for going back to Atlantis.

When they had moved down the hall a bit, O'Neill turned around and gave John a big smile. John hoped that meant good news.

"So, you know, Sheppard, Carter really couldn't say enough good things about you, even though she'd only seen your work for about a month before you left. But she says you stepped right back in without a hitch over the past week and she really needs someone of your caliber on Atlantis. And your record pretty much speaks for itself; your Atlantis record that is. The one you had before has a few little smudges that aren't that flattering."

O'Neill raised his eyes to the ceiling and quipped, "Of course my own record is hardly smudgeless. Sometimes I think a few smudges are necessary in order to be a good leader. It keeps you humble and makes you better able to deal with things when they go _horribly_ wrong. You've proven that fact more than a few times."

O'Neill paused and John looked at him intently. Did this mean he could go back to Atlantis as Military Commander? "So I can go back to Atlantis?"

"Eventually," O'Neill prevaricated. "You see the problem we have right now is your shoulder. Dr. Lam seems to think it needs more than a little Physical Therapy. She'd like to see some intense PT for about maybe three weeks and then she'd be willing to allow you back to Atlantis with the promise of some daily exercises. But Atlantis doesn't have the facilities you'd need for the intense PT so you'd have to do it here. You'd also have to come back in about six months to make sure you pass military standards."

John rolled his shoulder back and forth absentmindedly and felt the twinge he always got when he moved it in certain directions. But if he was reading correctly what O'Neill was saying he could indeed be back in Pegasus in a few weeks and have his old position back. He knew he needed to clarify. He didn't want to be disappointed later.

"So, Sir, you're saying that as long as I stay here and do some intense PT, I'll resume my old position as Military Commander of Atlantis?"

"That's what I'm saying, Sheppard. Lam has a few local places where you could do the PT and you'd be more than welcome to hang out at the SGC if you'd want. I assume Teyla and the baby would stay with you. Though with them, if you want to rent a small apartment for the time, the Air Force would be willing to pick up the tab. Just let us know what you want. You might want to talk to Teyla first. I know women usually like to be let in on these kinds of decisions."

John thought about it for a minute then asked, "Does it need to be around here, Sir, or could the PT be anywhere in the States?"

O'Neill looked confused and asked, "Where are you thinking of Sheppard?"

John glanced back at the room his Dad and Teyla were in. "Well, my Dad was hoping to be able to spend a little more time with me and Teyla, and I was hoping to see my brother and his family maybe before we went back. So, perhaps I could do my PT there and do some visiting _while_ I do the PT. Two birds, you know, Sir."

O'Neill chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, two birds, always good those two birds. I don't see why you shouldn't be able to do that. Lam didn't have one specific place in mind. I think as long as the place you choose had a decent therapist and has all your MRI scans and what's expected, it should be fine. If not, I think I have enough clout with the Doc to make her see things our way. You'll need to come back to the SGC for a short while today to fill out some forms and get your records transferred to the rehab center you choose but then you should be good to go."

"Thank you, Sir," John said and shook O'Neill's hand vigorously, his shoulder complaining at the movement. "That's really great, I um, … thank you."

O'Neill rolled his eyes at Sheppard's awkwardness and enthusiasm. "Go! Get your wife and your son and let your Dad know he can hang around here if he wants until you're ready or we can send you on a military transport later. My guess is your father will want to wait and take you with him. He doesn't seem like the type of guy who exactly trusts anyone else to do anything right."

John laughed at the description because O'Neill was very accurate. "I'm sure he'll wait, Sir. Yeah, my Dad likes control and gets a little nervous when it's not in his hands. I'll be right back, Sir."

"Take your time, Sheppard. I'm not going anywhere. Landry's got too much paperwork he wants me to do back at the SGC and so the longer I stay here, the more I can get out of."

Sheppard grinned. "You want me to walk really slow?"

O'Neill just glared at him and John moved quickly back to the room where he found Teyla and his Dad still talking, this time _he_ was telling _her_ about the time John fell off the roof and broke his leg. "Damned kid thought he could fly. Well, he wasn't flying anywhere for about eight weeks after that incident, that's for sure. But it certainly didn't keep him from trying."

John remembered how mad his father had been when that had happened but to hear him talk now, he sounded like it was a funny memory. But he also remembered that his Dad had bought him all sorts of electronic gadgets to keep his mind off the fact that he had to stay in bed for almost a week and then he couldn't move around much at all since the cast had gone from mid thigh to his toes. That had been pure hell.

The two adults looked up when John walked in and he could see that TJ had fallen asleep in his Dad's arms. That twist of jealousy reared again and he knew it was silly. But he wanted his child to fall asleep easily in his arms and if he did it with others maybe it meant John wasn't as special to his son as he thought he was.

"John?" Teyla asked questioningly. "Is everything all right? Have they made a decision?"

John sat down in the chair he had been in before and stroked his son's soft head. His face remained neutral and he announced, "Well, seems the Doc doesn't think my shoulder is up to par at the moment and so I need some intense PT for a few weeks. But, … after that, he said they'd let me return to base and I get my command back."

John noticed his Dad's face immediately. A scowl grew and John just knew there would be a tirade coming up soon. But then his jaw clenched like it did when he was exerting control and he took a deep breath before he spoke.

"You're going back there?" Patrick stopped the outburst that was attempting to escape. He wondered what was wrong with John's shoulder. Perhaps something from when the transport crashed either one of the times. He wanted to say more but kept himself in control.

John was surprised that was all that came out of his Dad's mouth. He was expecting quite a bit more. "Yeah, Dad, it's where I need to be. It's where Teyla's people are and it's where my home has been for an awful long time. But… O'Neill said I can do the PT anywhere and I thought, if you still wanted, Teyla and I and TJ could come and stay near you for the three weeks and you can get to know them even better before we head back. And O'Neill said that I'd need to come back in about six months to get final approval on my shoulder. I'd make sure we got in a little visit then too."

Patrick processed the information and knew it was probably about the best he could hope for. John had every reason to do the PT here near the base but he had made the effort to suggest he could do it closer to home. His home anyway, apparently John didn't think of it as home any longer.

Patrick nodded a bit disappointed in some ways but optimistic in others. "That'd be great, John. And actually your brother used a wonderful Physical Therapist a few years ago when he twisted his knee playing racquetball. He did a nice job with him. I'm sure David would be happy to give you his name."

"I'll check him out," John conceded then looked over at Teyla. "O'Neill says we need to go back for a short while to fill out some paperwork and we'll need to pick up our bags. Dad, you can stay here if you want to wait for us and bring us back or we can catch a military transport a little later. We'd have to wait until one was heading in the right direction, though, so it could be a few days until we got there."

"I've got nothing more important to do, John. I've waited an awfully long time to see you again and if it means I'll get to spend some time with you and your new family, I'll stay right here. I'll need to call your brother and let him know you're coming back. You know he has plenty of room if you wanted to stay with them. My apartment is a bit small or I'd let you stay with me but David has the ranch house as you know. Would you want to stay there or would you prefer a hotel?"

John thought about it for only a few seconds. A hotel wouldn't be real comfortable with a baby who had a habit of crying in the middle of the night. And the ranch was large enough that he and Teyla could probably have one of the guest rooms downstairs and not get in the way of Dave and Amy too much but still be there to visit.

John nodded then looked at Teyla, "Would it be okay if we stayed with my brother or would you prefer a hotel?"

"I trust your judgment, John. You know what is best for our situation."

John looked at his Dad and said, "Okay, Dad, as long as it's okay with Dave, we'd like to stay there. But don't even think about bullying them into it. If it's not a convenient time then we'll stay somewhere else."

"I'll make the call and let you know when you get back. And John, I'm really glad you're coming. I'd like to get to know you again, too. I think it's been too long since we really sat down and talked; without fighting that is."

"Yeah, it definitely has been too long," John agreed and he and Teyla left Patrick picking up his cell phone.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	31. Thirty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 31

Chapter 31

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The trip to Dave's was longer than John expected since it took a while for the SGC to clear him and Teyla from the base. And Teyla needed some sort of an Earth i.d. in case of an emergency. But they had finally made it back to Peterson and his Dad, who was still waiting patiently, or so he said, and gotten on his private jet. Teyla was exhausted at this point and he was getting tired himself; it had been almost fourteen hours since they had left the city this morning. Torren had begun to fuss several times and John knew he could really use an actual bed to sleep in but all they'd had was the sling or someone's arms.

The plane ride had put him out again and his Dad had volunteered to hold him while John and Teyla leaned back in the extra large, plush seats of the Cessna. John had actually thought of going up and chatting with the pilot and seeing if he could fly for a while but he figured he might fall asleep and crashing a plane with his wife, son and Dad on board would be more than a drag.

He had moved the armrest between his seat and Teyla's up and he had actually been able to snuggle in with her as the plane flew through the night. He had caught his Dad looking at them a few times but he wanted his Dad to know that he loved this woman and what better way to show it than holding her in his arms.

Dave had surprisingly arranged for an infant seat to be placed in the back of the limo that was waiting for them at the airport to bring them back to Dave and Amy's. Torren fussed a bit when they first placed him in it and John had to explain to Teyla that it was a safety device and it was the law that all children under a certain age had to be in one while they were in the car.

Patrick thought it strange that Teyla didn't know what a car seat was but then remembered she had said her people didn't have electricity or running water and that most still lived in tent-like structures for ease of mobility in case they needed to move quickly for any of numerous reasons. She was only aware of modern technology due to living on the base for a few years. Patrick thought of some of the debutantes that John had dated during his teen years and wondered what they would think of John's bride. But thinking of John and how he had never really cared for the rich, pampered ones, he wasn't really surprised that John's new wife had grown up that way. It was kind of fitting.

When they arrived at the house, John got the bags out of the back while Teyla unhooked the infant seat from its base and lifted it by the handles. She looked amazed when she realized it would rest easily on the ground and still keep Torren very comfortable.

"John," her eyes lit up as they walked to the house. "This contraption would be most useful in carrying Torren on trips where there is no place to put him. We could sit him in this and actually both eat at the same time in the mess hall. If you tilt it with the handle behind, he would still be able to see all that is happening around him, as he so likes to do. And if you lean it back it serves as a snug bed so he may sleep undisturbed when passing him from person to person."

John smiled at Teyla's wonder. "I already put one of those on the list. I've got a bunch of stuff I want to buy for him while we're here. And I can tell you disposable diapers are right up there at the top."

Patrick chuckled at his son's words as he carried a bag also. He couldn't imagine being without some of the basics a baby needed but somehow John and Teyla had survived.

The door opened as they approached and Dave stepped out, his eyes wide and pleased. "John! God, it's good to see you." And he pulled John in for a quick embrace. John barely escaped from Dave when Amy came flying out and wrapped her arms around him, too, for a bit longer than Dave's hug. John squeezed back as he had always liked Amy very much.

When he backed away he put his hand on Teyla's arms and drew her forward. "Dave, Amy, I want you to meet my wife, Teyla." John then lifted the infant seat and his proud smile took over. "And this is our son, Torren John."

They both cooed over the baby and greeted Teyla and she bowed her head deeply and said, "It is an honor to meet you, both. I wish to express our sincere gratitude in allowing us to stay here for our visit. It is greatly appreciated."

"Oh, you're very welcome, honey," Amy gushed then pulled Teyla in for a hug, too. "Dad said you were great and he wasn't kidding. Come on in and we can get that baby of yours all settled in nice and cozy."

As they walked in, Dave told them, "I put you in the guest room off the pool area. Hope that's okay. It's got a slider to the patio and an intercom that connects to the Jacuzzi. I didn't know if you wanted a separate room for the baby."

"With us is fine for now, Dave," John agreed. "We'll probably have to have him sleep in the bed with us. He's got a big, wooden cradle back home but we could hardly bring that with us. It's not really travel size."

They had gotten to the guest room and Amy walked through the door ahead of them and pointed to a piece of furniture in the corner. "We pulled out the Portacrib we had when the kids were little. It's got a nice sturdy mattress and I washed a bunch of the baby blankets that were up in storage as well. Hope that will be okay."

Teyla looked at the small, high sided bed and breathed a sigh of relief. She loved her son but he did wiggle so that she knew she and John would get no sleep whatsoever if he were in their bed also. "This is perfect, Amy, thank you so much. It is very thoughtful of you."

"Oh, it's not a problem at all," Amy told them. "We're more than happy to do it. And we have all the stuff here, just had to pull it out of the attic."

Teyla yawned widely and covered her mouth with an embarrassed smile. "I am so sorry. The time we came from is different from here and we have been awake for many hours. I apologize."

"Don't give it a second thought," Dave said as he put down the bag he'd taken from his Dad. "Why don't you get some rest and we can get better acquainted in the morning. It's Saturday and I've got the day off. Dad," he turned to his father standing outside the doorway, "are you coming over? Amy planned on doing a big breakfast. You know the kids love for you to join them when they have French Toast."

"Of course I'll be here. But for now, I've got the driver waiting to take me back to my apartment. John, I'll see you in the morning. Teyla, it was such a pleasure meeting you finally. I'm looking forward to spending more time with you and really getting to know you and that handsome grandson of mine. Give him a kiss for me. I don't want to wake him up, he seemed pretty grumpy earlier. I'm sure the time difference is responsible for that."

Teyla moved toward him and gave him a kiss on his cheek and his face crinkled into a smile. As he dipped his head, John said, "I'll walk you to the car, Dad. Be right back, Teyla."

They walked through the house and John got up the courage to say a few things to his father. "Dad, I want to thank you for arranging all this, I really appreciate it."

"You know it's not a problem, John. You ought to know by now that I'm very good at making things happen and organizing things. It's the least I can do after you offered to do your PT here. I know you could just as easily have done it near Peterson and stayed there but I'm glad you made the decision to come and stay close to us. I want things to be different this time, John. I'm trying really hard not to exert too much control because I know how much you hate that."

"Yeah, you can say that again," John mumbled under his breath but quickly added, "I'm gonna try hard too, Dad. I've been doing quite a lot of thinking since I became a father and maybe now that we have that one little thing in common, we might be able to see the other's point of view a little better."

Patrick chuckled. "You think we have only fatherhood in common, John, huh? Your mother used to say we were too alike in some ways; like the fact that we were both incredibly stubborn and wanted our own way about things. She said it was why we butted heads so often because we both wanted different things in life but we were both too stubborn to budge an inch. I've been doing a lot of thinking too and remembering what your Mom always said about that. I think maybe she might have been on to something."

John chuckled too. He remembered his Mom saying that and he had always gotten so mad because he knew that he was nothing like his Dad. He was an adventurer and his Dad was an old stick in the mud unwilling to try anything new or different. But he knew his Dad had his own adventurous lifestyle as he bought and sold new companies and made new deals. It just wasn't the same kind of adventure that John had craved.

"Good night, Dad," John said and reached for his father's hand. "I'll see you in the morning."

Patrick put his hand in his son's but decided he wanted one more time to hold him, if only for a second. He pulled slightly and gave John a quick embrace. John placed his hand on his father's back and patted awkwardly but actually felt a bit lighter inside as his Dad tightened his hold.

Patrick eased back and cleared his throat. "I'm really glad you're here, John. I've missed you quite a bit."

John nodded but found he really couldn't vocalize anything. He swallowed hard and watched as his father got in the back of the limo and the car pulled smoothly back down the driveway.

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John got back to the guest room and found Teyla nursing Torren again. He knew it was later than he would normally get a feeding but day and night and naps and schedules had been blown right out the window today. He hoped they could get the baby back on some sort of routine soon or it would be just like his first few weeks all over again. And that had been torturous.

John put some of their things in the dressers as she finished then she carefully placed Torren in the Portacrib. He seemed to settle nicely and both breathed a sigh of relief. They just hoped he would stay that way. Otherwise it would be a very long night.

Teyla took the nightgown that John handed her and slipped it on once she had removed her clothes. "Just get some rest, Teyla, you look beat."

"Are you saying I am not attractive right now, John?" Teyla's lips twitched in amusement and John laughed at her audacity.

John crawled across the bed toward her and hovered over her lips. "I'll show you how attractive I think you are if you really want me to, sweetie. I just thought you were very tired."

"It is true I am quite fatigued as it has been a long day. Perhaps you could show me tomorrow." And with that she turned on her side and snuggled into the pillows. John almost groaned as he saw that she hadn't buttoned up the front of her gown as usual and it had slipped off her shoulder and was exposing a good part of her breast.

"You do that on purpose," John accused as he leaned down to press his lips to her bare shoulder. "I know you do."

Teyla's eyes stayed closed but her lips turned up into a smirk. John chuckled and kissed her shoulder again, this time darting his tongue out playfully then nipping it with his teeth. He could feel Teyla shudder and knew if he tried hard enough he could have her moaning with pleasure underneath him in no time but she was exhausted and he wasn't far behind so he just crawled back off the bed and turned the lights off, allowing her to sleep.

He removed his boots and set them near the closet then quietly let himself out of the room. He was hoping to see Dave for at least a few minutes. He was in luck that he and Amy were still up, although it was barely nine here so he figured they might be. He wished he had gotten a chance to see the kids though. He knew they'd be so much bigger and would never remember him.

Dave and Amy were sitting on the couch in the family room with the large screen TV on across the room. John stopped in the doorway not really wanting to intrude. But Amy saw him and waved him in. He settled into the recliner across from the couch and breathed out a sigh at how good it felt. Of course he'd been sitting for a good portion of the day but each time he had been expected to do something or he had needed to keep TJ quiet or produce information for some nosy generals. He'd never really had a chance to just sit and do nothing.

When he opened his eyes, he saw that Dave and Amy were both staring at him intently. He grew paranoid and growled, "What?"

Dave smiled. "You look pretty good for a dead guy, you know little brother."

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that. I uh, …" John just shook his head not really knowing how to apologize adequately for putting them through that.

"It wasn't your fault, John," Amy assured him. "It's not like you planned it and I'm sure the events weren't all happy ones. Dad gave us a little synopsis of what happened. But you two are okay now, right?"

"Yeah," John said slowly thinking back to the past year, "we're good; really good. It was tough for a while but having Teyla there made all the difference in the world. I don't know if I would have gotten through it without her."

"You're pretty tough, John," Dave said. "I'm sure you would have made it."

"Yeah, physically," John agreed. "But mentally, I'm not so sure. Teyla was the reason I tried so hard to escape. I couldn't let her stay there. Of course we still ended up stranded but at least we were in a much better place."

"And you were together," Amy added.

John smiled. "Yeah, we were. And we had TJ and he was so worth everything we had to go through. I don't regret any of it."

"You don't think you would have had him if you hadn't been stranded?" Amy questioned curiously.

John shook his head. "Teyla and I were on the same team and we spent a lot of years dancing around our feelings and hiding them from each other. I hate to say it but yeah, I do think if the events had been different, we'd still be keeping our feelings hidden deeply inside and I'd be so damned frustrated it wouldn't be funny."

Dave laughed and Amy slapped him jokingly. "Well, I like her, John," Dave said. "I only met her for a few minutes but she seems very nice and sweet. And I know Dad thinks she's great. I guess he had more of an opportunity to talk to her today and got to know her a little better. I'm glad you decided to stay here, John, it gets boring here without you to liven things up."

John glared at his brother but knew he was kidding. "But I've turned over a whole new leaf now that I'm a father myself. I plan on holding onto my control as much as possible and not yell at Dad. And see, we made it one whole day without a single argument. That's gotta be a record."

"And you weren't even tempted once?" Dave sounded surprised.

John made a wry face. "I never said I wasn't tempted but I have to admit Dad was pretty tame today. And I actually saw him bite his tongue more than a few times. I was very impressed. What have you been feeding him?"

"He actually said that you had held your tongue today a few times, too when he called on the phone. He thought you had matured a bit since last time you'd been home. But truthfully, John," Dave added seriously when he saw John tighten up at the last remark, "Dad took your death pretty hard. The MIA thing was hard enough but at least there was always hope. But when you were declared dead and they said they had some proof, … it was hard."

John saw Amy squeeze Dave's hand and then looked at him. "We were all affected by it John. Your brother here doesn't like to admit to any kind of weakness, as all you Sheppard men know, but he had more than a few emotional moments when I could tell he really missed you and was distraught that there was no chance of your returning. And Dad, well, I wasn't sure he even knew how to cry but now I do. I was honestly afraid for his health. He's not a young man anymore and the stress of losing a child was a big one for him."

John's eyes narrowed and he asked, "Is he okay? Is that why he was so nice to me? He's not dying or anything, is he?"

"No, John," Dave reassured him. "He certainly seems healthy enough and he visits his doctor regularly. Sometimes I think he should go more often but you know Dad, can't be bothered to do something that will take time away from the office. I keep telling him the place will be fine without him but he doesn't listen."

"You know he didn't ask me once today to come work for the company. I was more than a little surprised. I was fully expecting him to take one look at Teyla and TJ and start spouting off about how I need to take responsibility now that I'm a family man and I can't go off gallivanting all over the world leaving behind a wife and child. I got that speech I don't know how many times when I was married to Nancy and we didn't even have any kids. I think he kept hoping she'd get pregnant just so he could lay more guilt on me."

"Well, there's always tomorrow, John," Dave laughed and John just rolled his eyes.

"You had to say that didn't you. You know you just jinxed me. I'll most likely get that as soon as I see him in the morning. Maybe I'll go for an extra long run and miss him entirely. How long does he usually stay for breakfast?"

"He'll be here for a good portion of the day at least," Amy stated. "He likes to spend time with the kids when they aren't in school. And they're on summer vacation right now but he still works every day during the week so he makes sure to come over on the weekends. They'll convince him to go in the pool with them, I'm sure, since tomorrow is supposed to be fairly warm. Did you and Teyla bring a suit?"

John made a face. They had used something to swim in on Dimitta but they had left those items behind. They didn't really think they would be high on the list of things they'd use often. "No, never really thought about it. But the Doc at the base did say that swimming would be good for my shoulder so I guess I'll have to get a suit. Teyla and I need to do a bit of shopping anyway. TJ is growing way too fast and she doesn't have a sewing machine to continue making his clothes that way and it takes so long by hand. I'm thinking we should just get him a bunch of outfits while we're here and get them in a whole lot of sizes so we'll have something to put on him as he gets bigger."

"No big malls where you're stationed?" Dave asked wondering if John would divulge the location to them. But he hadn't said much to Dad other than Teyla came from a place named Athos. But he had scoured the internet and hadn't found anything. It could just be the name of her tiny village and therefore wasn't large enough to register anywhere.

John grinned at Dave's question. "No, malls aren't really numerous where we are. If you travel a bit you can find a few open markets but honestly the clothes they have there aren't really anything I want TJ wearing. As it is, what Teyla's people make for him is weird enough. I need to get this kid some regular American clothes. Blue jeans and t-shirts, you know."

Amy smiled and offered, "You know, John, I kept most of the kids' baby clothes and stored them in the attic. We weren't sure if we'd go for another one. But we've decided that two is plenty and so if you want them, you're more than welcome. Although the pink dresses and bows you might want to just bypass."

John thought about that little girl he kept teasing Teyla about and knew she would look so adorable in pink ribbons and lacy dresses. And Teyla could make sure the hair ribbons always matched the outfit. Maybe Teyla could even get herself an outfit to match their daughter's and he knew something like that would make him smile for a long time.

He looked back at Amy and knew he should stop dreaming of another baby with Teyla. The one they had was barely three months old. The last thing they needed was to start being up all night again with another child. But TJ had really begun to sleep through much of the night and another baby would take nine months before it was ready to come out. That would give them time to prepare and get ready and catch up on their sleep before they got deprived again.

He shook his head and decided to throw those thoughts right away. Teyla would kill him if she knew he was having them. And she would insist he carry and deliver the baby, too.

"I'll ask Teyla and we can go through what you have as long as you're sure you won't need them again."

Amy chuckled and grinned at Dave. "Oh, we made that decision final and actually did something so we wouldn't need to worry, right, David?"

Dave had a sour look on his face and John realized what he had done. "Ouch!" John commented a painful expression on his face.

"Ouch is right," Dave grumped back. "And I didn't even get any sympathy from this one. The only thing I got was a refill on the ice pack I needed to... you know …"

"Men are such babies," Amy complained and rolled her eyes. "I went through childbirth twice and he complains about a little snip, snip and some soreness."

John did laugh at that. He didn't really know what Dave had gone through but he did remember what Teyla had been like when she had delivered Torren. And she had yelled and moaned more than he ever thought Teyla would. If someone as strong and brave as Teyla had felt enough pain to make that much noise, then it obviously hurt, a lot. And he had also seen the size of the baby and where it had come from. Yeah, maybe a little snip, snip wasn't so bad comparatively.

John leaned back and relaxed on the comfortable chair and gazed at the TV screen. He hadn't seen a TV show in quite some time. They could get things on DVD on Atlantis but never anything first run. He found the commercials quite amusing but after a while the length and stress of the day took its toll and his eyes closed and his head dropped to one side.

Dave noticed when John fell asleep. He'd actually been keeping an eye on him since he had sat down with them. He was still wearing his military fatigues but had removed the combat boots. His hair was standing up as it always had his whole life but was longer than he'd seen it in a very long time. And the beard was something he didn't think he had ever seen on John.

When he was younger he couldn't really grow a lot of facial hair and Dave had teased him about it endlessly. Then he had joined up when he was eighteen and gone to Military College and his hair, facial or otherwise, had been history. Dave had loved to tease him that at least the cowlicks were gone. John hadn't appreciated that. But John had been so preoccupied with learning how to fly and fight that he hadn't really cared what his hair had looked like or that he now had to actually shave.

Dave continued to stare at John now that he was asleep. He wondered what the shoulder injury was from that Dad had said was keeping him stateside for a few weeks. Maybe it was from the crash but if that was the case it was a fairly old injury and Dave wondered if they could even help him after all this time. If it was more recent then he wondered what had happened that he would need PT and intensive PT at that.

He thought John appeared very tired. As he looked, he realized it wasn't just  _not getting enough sleep tired_  but an overall fatigue that seemed to have permeated John's very façade. Whatever John had been doing for the last few years had certainly taken its toll on him. Oh, Dave had to admit his brother was still a very handsome man and he knew he could get most woman to take a second glance at him anytime but he just thought comparatively, John looked more worldly wise and not quite so innocent as he had seen him before he embarqued on his last mission; the one he had actually seemed a bit nervous about when he had visited.

But whatever this mission had been and wherever it had taken him, John didn't seem ready to leave it. Dad had mentioned that John was very anxious to get back there. Of course it was where Teyla was from and he knew Teyla was important to John. He just wondered if John planned on spending the rest of his life in this location or if he ever wanted to come back home.

He couldn't imagine living in a place with no electricity or modern machinery and as much as he hated the mall, he would admit to needing the place when it was time to buy a new suit or a pair of shoes. Although he guessed that the military base would certainly have modern things. But would John stay on the base the rest of his life? Would the Air Force even allow that?

Dave hated the thought that his brother would be halfway around the world and he'd never get to see him. Or at least not often, that's for sure. But he hadn't seen him in a few years and before that the visits had been few and far between also. He remembered he had made a pledge when he thought John was missing and he knew he needed to keep that promise.

Starting tomorrow he would try to get to know his brother again and give him the support he had been lacking for a good portion of their life. But for now he would just see about getting John in bed.

He got up and gave his brother a shake and John startled awake quickly, his eyes immediately wide and alert. Was this from his military training? Did he have to be that alert in the middle of his sleep all the time? The thought scared Dave and he gently told John he should go to sleep in the guest room. He helped him to his feet and John shook his head and seemed a bit more awake.

"Sorry, Dave, been a long day. I'll see you in the morning, okay. Thanks again for letting us stay here. I hope Torren sleeps well tonight. We'll try to keep him quiet if he wakes up."

"Don't even worry about it, John," Dave assured him. "We're all upstairs. We won't even hear it. Sleep well."

He watched as John stumbled out of the room and down the hall to the guest room. He detoured for a few minutes to the bathroom then quietly opened the door and disappeared inside. Dave breathed a sigh of relief when he knew John was finally getting some rest.

Dave thought about the time when they had thought John was missing and then when they thought he was dead. His eyes glazed over and he shook his head. He must be really tired, too. John was here now and he was alive. It would just take some time to readjust his thinking. It wasn't everyday you woke up thinking your brother was dead and went to bed knowing he was very much alive and sleeping in your guest room.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasgsa

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	32. Thirty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 32

Chapter 32

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John's pounding feet slowed down when he approached Dave and Amy's driveway. He'd gotten up early and gone for a very long run. He'd needed time to think and process all that had gone on yesterday and the past week.

He and Teyla had finally been found after almost a year away. Things hadn't changed that much on Atlantis but John found that he had changed. And he wasn't sure that was a good thing. Some of the changes were great. He was now a father and he and Teyla had made known their feelings for each other. And they were now truly a couple. And those changes he was happy about.

But people looked at him differently now. Rodney certainly did. He still felt the pain surge through his gut whenever he thought of there being a tape and what had probably been on it. He knew what had happened to them while in the slave cages. And it hadn't been pretty. Rodney had said he had destroyed the tape before anyone else had seen it. He believed him. He had to believe him or he would go stark raving mad thinking people were looking at him knowing what he had done. He still couldn't quite forgive himself for what he had done to Teyla. But looking at TJ sure did help with the guilt.

He knew other people wondered if he would still be able to do his job and do it as well as he had before. He knew he could. He hoped he could. In the past week there hadn't been any major catastrophes so his out of the box problem solving hadn't really been needed but he wondered if he still had it. He thought he did. On Dimitta he had helped plenty of people with problems and dilemmas in many different areas. He figured he could still do that on Atlantis. He would just need to get back in the swing of things.

But now he was on Earth for a few weeks until his shoulder got back in shape enough for Keller to keep an eye on it. Would that set him back even further in reacquainting himself to Atlantis? He hoped not. He'd been gone for a year; three more weeks wouldn't make that much of a difference.

And for the next few weeks he could work on assuaging all the other guilt he always felt at constantly butting heads with his Dad. He would do it or die trying, that's for sure. But now he had more reason than ever to make sure he and his Dad got along; TJ. His son had every right to know his grandfather and John wouldn't deny him that. But if he and his Dad couldn't get along then that's exactly what would happen. Although being in another galaxy didn't help either. But at least they could send e-mails back and forth and pictures and even videos. Technology was great and he planned to use it quite a bit to actually stay in touch with his Dad and Dave from now on.

He walked up the driveway cooling down his overworked body and saw another car in the driveway that hadn't been there when he left for his run. It was probably his father's. John took a deep breath and moved closer to the house.

The door to the car was just opening as he walked up and his father was getting out, reaching in for a small paper bag. He looked up as John passed and said, "Good morning, John. I see you still like to go for that early morning run, huh?"

"Yeah," John nodded. "I went down past McKenzie's Pond and then over by the old Preston farmhouse and then back again by the creek."

Patrick looked at his son like he was crazy. "That's gotta be nine or ten miles, John."

John just shrugged. "Had a lot of thinking to do. I find the brain kicks into gear if the body's moving, too."

Patrick wanted to ask what he had been thinking about but knew John was just as private a person as he was and thoughts weren't always easy to share, even with your father, sometimes  _especially_  with your father. He allowed him his thoughts and hoped that if he was struggling with something that the run had done some good and cleared out the cobwebs enough for some clear thinking.

He handed the paper bag to John and said, "Here, bring this in the house. I got them for the kids."

John looked in the bag and his senses went into overdrive. "Are these fresh doughnut holes from Hannah's Bakery? They're still warm. Oh, you shouldn't have given them to me to hold," he warned as he took one and popped it in his mouth. "Do you know how long it's been since I had something this good? These might not make it into the house, Dad."

Patrick reached back down to the car and pulled out another bag. "I thought as much. That's why I got a double batch." He chuckled and led John into the house.

John had already stolen three by the time they reached the kitchen and found Dave, Amy and the kids just sitting down to eat. John felt a bit awkward at the family scene and stayed back in the doorway while the kids jumped up and ran to greet his father.

Patrick hugged them both then Scotty tugged on his shirt tail and yelled, "Grandpa, Daddy said that Uncle John is alive and he's staying here with us for a little while and that he has a wife and a baby cousin, too."

Patrick stood up and handed the bag to Amy who was struggling not to laugh at her son's pronouncement. He tucked his hand in Scotty's and turned toward the door.

"This is your Uncle John right here, Scotty, and you better say hi to him real quick or he might just eat all the doughnut holes I brought for you."

John saw the little boy, so much bigger than when he last saw him, walk timidly in his direction. He wondered if he looked scary. He knew he had the beard and the last time he'd seen the kid he'd been clean shaven. He got down on his knees and held out the bag of doughnut holes.

"Hi Scotty, I know you probably don't remember me but I'm your Dad's brother. Here, I didn't eat them all but I will admit I snitched a few. I haven't had these in quite a few years so they were very tempting. And really yummy."

Scotty moved closer and said, "I saw some pictures of when you came to visit when I was little. You didn't have the beard, though. But we were playing with my car set. I still have it you know but now I have better cars and lots of blocks to build better cities with. Do you still play cars, Uncle John?"

"Yeah," John sighed his relief that the kid was okay with him being here. "I'll actually need to practice a bit. I've got my own little boy now and when he gets a little bigger, I'll need to make sure I know the right way to play cars. Think you could remind me?"

"Yeah," Scotty replied like he would be more than happy to help him play.

John reached up and patted the boy on the head and said, "I'm really glad to be able to come visit you again. It's been a very long time and I missed you."

"I think I missed you, too," Scotty said like he knew he probably should but wasn't really certain. "And I'm glad you're not dead. Daddy and Grandpa were really sad when we went to the big place and the jets flew overhead. I thought the jets were cool, though and said I wanted to fly them. Grandpa said I was just like you."

John chuckled but looked up at his father to see if that had been a good thing or not. His Dad was just grinning and Amy was pointing to the table.

"Come and have a seat. The French Toast is ready and will get cold if you don't eat it now."

Scotty took the bag and brought it to the table and patted the chair next to him. "You can sit here, Uncle John, right next to me."

John looked through the doorway to where their guest room was and Amy smiled. "I just checked on Teyla a minute before you walked in. She was feeding Torren and said she'd be out as soon as she was finished. Why don't you sit down and eat."

John lifted his t-shirt away from him and grimaced. "I just ran for an hour and a half. Not sure I'm smelling too good at the moment."

"I don't care how you smell, Uncle John, so you can sit near me," Scotty assured him.

John still seemed uncomfortable but shook his head and sank into the seat next to his nephew. He looked across the table and smiled at Kristy, who was staring at him puzzled.

"You must be Kristy. I'm your Uncle John. You were just a baby last time I saw you. How old are you now?"

Kristy looked excited and announced, "I gunna be four in just," she looked up at her Mom and asked, "How many days, Mama?"

Amy chuckled, "Five days, sweetheart. Your birthday is Thursday."

"I gunna be four on Fursday. You gunna be here, Uncoo John? Did you get me a pwesent?"

"Kristy!" her father chastised. "You don't ask people for presents."

John laughed and told her, "I haven't gotten you a present yet, but I'll have to. You'll have to tell me what you want, okay?"

"Okay," Kristy chirped and looked like she was about to start with her list but her mother pointed to her plate and said, "Eat. You can give your list to Uncle John later."

John felt his smile go all the way to his eyes. "She's beautiful, Amy. I keep telling Teyla we need to have a little girl but she just hits me if I'm close by and gives me the  _glare of death_ if I'm across the room."

Amy rolled her eyes and sighed. "Typical man. Your baby isn't even three months old and you're already thinking of another one."

"For that," came Teyla's voice from behind him, "you may hold your son while I eat."

John looked properly chastised and reached for Torren then Teyla sat across the way in between Dave and Scotty. She was introduced to the kids and they were introduced to their new baby cousin and then finally they began to eat. The French Toast was great and the doughnut holes all disappeared quickly and John kept getting his hand slapped when he tried to sneak Teyla's bacon off her plate.

When he reached across one time, Scotty looked curiously at his arm where all the scars were right down to the elbow. He'd been wearing a long sleeve shirt yesterday and no one had noticed.

"Uncle John, what happened to your arm? You look like you got a whole bunch of cuts."

John glanced down at his arm and noticed his father and Dave taking notice also. "That … was a little run in I had with a not-so-friendly animal."

Scotty's eyes grew wide. "You mean he wasn't on a leash."

"He was a wild animal, Scotty. Where we lived before, sometimes they would come down from the mountains if it got too cold there. But you don't have any around here, so you don't need to worry."

"How did you get away?" his nephew's voice still sounded worried.

John snorted and glanced at his wife. "Well, luckily your Auntie Teyla came by with a big stick and made him go away; permanently." He said the last word softer and for the sake of the adults at the table. He didn't want the kids to know they had needed to kill the creature. They were too young for that.

"When did this happen, John?" Dave asked curiously. "Is that why you need PT on your shoulder?"

John grimaced and nodded. "It was about six or seven weeks ago." Just thinking about the event had made his shoulder start to throb. He reached for the last two doughnut holes and tried not to flinch when he reached too far. "Yeah, it just needs a little work, that's all. It's really fine."

John rolled one of the doughnut holes onto Scotty's plate and changed the subject. "So, you thought the jets were cool, huh?"

Scotty shoved the doughnut in his mouth and tried to talk around it. "Daddy says you used to fly jets like that and that's why they had them there. Did you really fly them, Uncle John?"

John thought it was a little creepy that they were talking about things that had happened at his  _funeral_  but he never minded talking about flying. John's eyes lit up almost as big as Scotty's. "Yeah, I think those were one of my favorite things to fly but I've flown a lot of other things, too. I've flown lots of different kinds of helicopters. Do you like helicopters?"

"Yeah, I actually have one that is remote controlled but Daddy says I can only fly it when there's an adult around. So I don't get to use it that much."

John smiled. "We'll have to see if we can get you some practice while I'm here, then, won't we."

Scotty beamed up at his uncle and John realized this was what TJ would be like in about six or seven years. He loved his son so much right now but he knew when he was this age he would be incredibly fun to play with. Right now he mostly just laughed and spit up.

Teyla chuckled as if she had read his mind. "I believe John is already planning all the toys he will buy for Torren when he is much older. I am hoping he will wait that long."

John downed the last of his milk and said, "Speaking of buying things, Teyla and I are going to need some stuff for while we're staying here and I want to get some things for TJ for when we go back home. I'm wondering if I can get a ride so I can transfer some money to a local bank."

"The bank I use is right across the way from where Scotty's soccer game is this morning," Patrick stated. "If you want, I could bring you in and get you set up with some funds."

"I've got plenty of money, Dad," John said, not sure if his Dad was offering to give him money or not. "I just need a place that will let me use my debit card for a large withdrawal."

"Well, it's Saturday so they're only open until noon. Scotty's game starts at ten so we should probably go before it starts."

"Are you coming to my soccer game, Uncle John?" Scotty asked excitedly when he heard his grandfather's words.

John nodded, "Yeah, your Grandpa and I have something we need to do first but I think I can make it." He looked at Teyla for confirmation and at her nod, Scotty gave a big whoop of joy.

"Hey," Dave piped up from his end of the table. "How come you never get that excited when I come to your soccer games?"

Scotty stopped himself  _just_  from rolling his eyes. "You  _always_  come to my soccer games, Dad. Uncle John never does."

"And you're not a cool, back-from-the-dead, Air Force pilot Uncle," John quipped to his brother waiting for the reaction he knew he would get.

But Dave just cracked up and lowered his head into his hands. "No, I guess I'm not. Point well taken. Torren, when I come to visit and watch one of your games, I expect an equally enthusiastic acknowledgement of my presence."

"Hear that, Pal," John said down to Torren who was banging a spoon against the table. "When Uncle Dave comes to visit, you need to pretend to be really happy about it, okay?"

John heard the heavy sigh coming from his brother and chuckled as he kissed TJ's head. Amy scooted everyone away and she and Dave started cleaning up the breakfast dishes. John and Teyla offered to help but Amy shook them off.

"John, Scotty might not mind the smell but if you plan on sitting anywhere near me at the game, then you need to shower. And Teyla I'm sure will need to keep an eye on your son while you do."

John agreed and headed back to his room to get a towel. Ten minutes later he was back in the room and Teyla had Torren in the middle of the bed and she was about to change into one of her tank tops and a light skirt.

As Teyla leaned over the bed to pick up the top, John moved up behind her and rubbed his damp chest against her bare back. Teyla shivered at the sensation and gave John a warning. "John, do we not need to be leaving soon?"

"Actually, it's still only 8:45. Scotty doesn't need to be there until almost ten and it's only a few minutes away. Plenty of time for me to have a little fun. Want to join me?"

Teyla pulled her shoulders back and leaned into her husband's embrace. "Our son is right there in front of us, very much awake."

"So we have some fun until he starts to fuss." And John moved his hands around the front of Teyla and began to caress her breasts and tug gently on her nipples. Her breathing picked up and her head fell back onto John's shoulder. That provided the perfect opportunity for John to place his lips on her neck and nibble across her shoulder. Teyla's breathing picked up as did John's at the feel of her full curves in his hands. They continued to caress and stroke and torment and Teyla did her best to keep her whimpers inside. But when John touched her it was not easy.

Teyla slipped her hands behind her and grabbed John's hips and started moving her bottom against his growing front. His breath hitched a bit and he lowered one hand until it was playing in the curls that protected her womanly center. He stole a glance at TJ but the child was enthralled with his hands in front of his face again. Thank God for cheap toys, John thought. But right now he was more focused on cheap thrills. Who knew how long this happy time would last?

Teyla's squirming bottom was making him ache for something more, especially when his towel fell off. He slid one finger inside her wet, warm core and shifted his leg between hers to widen her stance. He now had better access and got another finger inside. Those fingers played and wiggled and stroked until Teyla was panting heavily. His breathing wasn't much slower.

Teyla reached from his hip and managed to get her hand around his enlarged shaft and stroke him rhythmically until he could stand it no longer. He leaned in and bent her over and moved his leg to spread her legs wider apart. He reached to stroke himself a few times then pushed himself into her moist, tight folds, the pleasure erupting through his groin.

He muffled his own groans by biting into her shoulder and Teyla lowered her head into her hands which now rested on the bed. John took one last look at TJ, wondering if they were scarring him for life but he had his fist in his mouth now and was sucking away happily. His lips clamped onto Teyla's shoulder and sucked for a moment, too.

Teyla thrust her hips back into John's and he thought she was trying to tell him something so he stood up, grasped her hips and plunged as deep as he could. He pulled out slightly and plunged again and again and again until he could feel the pulsating sensation inside her and her folds tighten around him, prolonging the pleasure.

He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her back for a short while, attempting to get his breathing under control. When he pulled out of her, he ran his fingers down her back and pressed a few light kisses in their path. Teyla rolled over on the bed and stared at John with passion filled eyes.

"You make me feel so weak, John, I have no resistance to your touch. I feel you are very aware of this and exploit that weakness."

John bent over and sucked briefly on one taut nipple. "Glad you finally figured that out, sweetie. But don't underestimate your own power over me. You don't even need touch. One little glance of that amazing body and I'm a goner. And I know you're aware of that as well."

Teyla chuckled but didn't deny it. She just continued to stare at him with that impish grin on her very satisfied face.

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"Hi, Marybeth," Amy greeted her friend as she sat down on the bench near the soccer field. She plopped Kristy on the ground at her feet with a Barbie doll and scooted over to make room for Teyla. Teyla sat on the end and adjusted the baby stroller that Amy had dug out for them so that Torren could see the action on the field. She wasn't sure how long it would hold his attention or even how far he could see at this point in his life but for now he was content. The plastic key ring attached to the front of the carriage was probably helping.

Marybeth looked curiously at Teyla then back at Amy. "Marybeth, this is my sister-in-law, Teyla and my nephew Torren. They're staying with us for a few weeks."

"It's nice to meet you," Marybeth said and Teyla nodded her head.

"It is lovely to meet you as well. You have a child who is playing this game?"

"Yes, my son Andy is out there. He's the one with the red hair."

Torren made some little squealing sound and Teyla bent down to check on him. As she did, Marybeth asked Amy, "Sister-in-law? Who?"

"Teyla is married to David's brother, John."

Marybeth narrowed her eyes and moved in closer. "I thought David's brother was killed while in the service."

"He was MIA then declared Killed in Action but just yesterday he found out his brother was alive and they finally found him and brought him home."

Marybeth looked at Teyla with sorrow in her eyes. "So all this time you thought your husband was dead. That must have been terrible. And to have that happen while you were pregnant…"

"No," Teyla corrected. "John and I were together when we went missing. We have been together the whole time. I was also presumed dead. We are very fortunate that we were rescued."

Amy told her friend a brief account of them being stranded but the game began and their attention was directed at the children on the field. Teyla watched as they ran around the field but wasn't able to quite figure out what they were trying to accomplish.

When she asked, Amy chuckled. "Well, they're supposed to kick the ball to each other and try and get it in the goal at the end but at this age they mostly just kick it around the field and try and keep it inbounds."

"Inbounds?" Teyla looked puzzled.

"Yes," Amy answered and pointed to the lines around the field. "Those lines are the boundaries and if the ball goes outside while your team has it, then the other team gets it."

"Ah, yes," Teyla seemed to understand. "Like the game John loves so much; football. They must also keep within the boundary lines. He has shown me this game often."

"They don't play soccer or football where you're from?" Marybeth looked curiously at Teyla.

Teyla smiled sweetly. "My people are very few and we do not have organized sports as your people do. There are games that the children play that use balls or other tools but it is done merely for enjoyment when they are finished their chores."

"You're not American then?"

"No, I come from a village called Athos. It is very far from here. I met John when his people were looking for information and trade for fresh produce. We became friends at that time."

"That's kind of romantic," Marybeth smiled. "Is your husband here?" She looked over to where many of the dads were standing and saw David Sheppard but everyone else around him she recognized.

"He is running an errand with his father to procure some currency for us while we are here. There are items we wish to purchase to bring back with us." Teyla pushed the stroller back and forth a few times. "I very much like this device for moving the child from one place to another without carrying him. John assures me we will be getting one."

Marybeth looked astonished that anyone could have a child without all the amenities. Amy laughed inside knowing that her friend, while a very nice person, was also extremely pampered and spoiled by her wealthy lifestyle. She probably wouldn't last a minute living where Teyla was from.

They continued to watch for a while longer and Torren started to whine. Teyla was about to lift him from the stroller when John appeared and scooped him out first. He sat on the grass at Teyla's feet and dangled TJ above his head.

"Hey, what are you so crabby about? You got to sit here with Mommy while I got to argue with a bunch of stiff necked bankers."

Torren stopped his whining and giggled and kicked his arms and legs. Teyla leaned down and wrapped her arms around John's neck. "What is wrong, John?"

John kissed Torren then settled him in his lap, bouncing his legs up and down. He turned to look at Teyla and she saw the grimace on his face. "Apparently I'm still dead."

Teyla saw Marybeth's head whip around at the unorthodox statement but Teyla was more concerned about John. "I do not understand."

John leaned against Teyla's legs and finished, "According to the bank, I'm still dead so they won't release any funds until the Air Force declares me alive again." He gave a deep sigh. "Didn't I sign a million forms yesterday just for that reason?"

Teyla placed her hands on John's shoulders and began to rub firmly to try and erase some of the stress she felt building there. John sighed again this time with relief. His head fell back and rested in Teyla's lap. "That feels incredible, Teyla. Thank you. When you're done I need to borrow a cell phone and call General O'Neill and let him know about our little problem."

Amy heard their conversation and pulled hers out of her bag. "Here, John, you can use mine, unlimited minutes and everything."

John gave a tired smile and sat up straighter. "Thanks, Amy. I appreciate it." He pressed a few kisses to Torren's face then placed him in Teyla's lap. He took the phone Amy was holding, bent to give Teyla a kiss and walked away from the crowd.

Teyla bounced her son in her lap as John had been doing and watched as he talked on the phone. She could tell he was exasperated and hoped he could get the problem corrected soon. But she did not worry too much. They had enough clothes for a few days and they could wash them again and again if needed. The items that she had coveted for Torren were still just  _things_  and had no bearing on her happiness. John and Torren were the factors in that equation.

John finally got off the phone and his father walked over to talk to him.

"John, why don't you let me set you up with some cash while you're here," his father offered. "You and Teyla need to get some things and you know I have more than enough to go around."

John could feel his jaw clench at the thought of taking money from his Dad. Yes, he needed money but he didn't want to owe his Dad anything. His Dad always wanted something back.

"I have plenty of money, Dad, I just can't get to it. General O'Neill said it might take a few days for all the red tape to finalize." John gave a wry smile. "He even offered to float me a loan until then."

"So you'll take money from him but not from your own father," Patrick said his voice tight and controlled.

John could feel the old tension suddenly reappear. He tried to keep it in check. "No, Dad, I don't want to take a loan from anyone. I can take care of myself and my wife and my child. We'll be fine for a few days until this  _legally dead_  things clears up. I've got plenty of money."

Patrick could feel his blood start to boil. John was so stubborn and it nearly drove him crazy at times but he was right. He was an adult and his family was  _his_ responsibility. Patrick couldn't force him to take the money.

"Actually, John," Patrick started again trying to be calmer. "I do know you have plenty of money. The Air Force sent me all your financial papers when they declared you KIA. I have to admit to being pretty impressed with how much you managed to sock away and some of the investments you made. You've got a nice little nest egg for yourself when you finally decide to leave the military. I'm just offering to help you out right now with a little cash and I know you're good for it. But I just want you to know there are no strings attached so if you want it, just ask, if not, that's fine, too."

John heard his Dad's words but had a hard time matching them up with the person who was saying them. He had fully expected his father to start yelling, or at least arguing strongly that John should take the money and stop being stubborn and bullheaded. But he hadn't. He had simply offered and had even let him know it was just for a few days. And then he had told John he was impressed with him. Those were words he'd seldom heard from his Dad.

On top of that he had said the words  _'when you finally decide to leave the military'_  like it was something he might do somewhere in the future. He'd never had any time with his Dad in the last twenty years where he wasn't telling John that being in the military was a complete waste of his time and talent. At least his Dad had acknowledged that he had some talent but he was usually referring to his abilities with numbers not anything that John really enjoyed doing.

But for now he realized maybe he should give a little, too. It seemed his Dad had; it was only right they both made the gesture.

John cleared his throat and his father looked up from where he had been watching Scotty kick the ball. "I'm sorry, Dad, you're right. It's only for a few days and if you don't mind I will take some money so I can get a few things that we need. We hadn't really planned to be here this long."

Patrick tried not to grin too big but he was happy that John had taken that step. He knew it was a hard one and he respected him for it. He took out his wallet and opened it. "How much do you think you'll need? And if you need more later, just let me know. You can pay me back as soon as you get your financial situation settled."

John thought for a second then suggested, "How about a thousand?" He knew they needed some big ticket items like a stroller and car seat and he'd done his homework, they weren't cheap.

"A thousand dollars!" Patrick exclaimed and John got nervous that he had asked for too much but then he saw a twinkle in his Dad's eyes and his head drop to hide his laugh. This was a side of his Dad he hadn't seen in a long time. When they were little his Dad had joked around all the time and the twinkle had been around a lot but after their Mom had died the twinkle seemed to have died, too. He was glad to see that it had come back. He'd missed it.

Patrick handed him a wad of very large bills and John wondered why his Dad had so much cash on him. He was about to ask when he supplied, "I was hoping you would accept the help and took this out in the off chance that you would need it. I'm glad you asked, John."

John stuffed the money in his own wallet and stuck that in his back pocket. He looked around hoping no one had seen that little transaction or they might think a drug deal was going down. That's just what he'd need right now, to get thrown in prison with his Dad. But he was legally dead so he didn't know if they could actually hold him.

He chuckled at his stupid thoughts and looked at his father again. "Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it. And I really appreciate that you didn't insist I take it. I know I can be a little stubborn at times but I'm finding that I actually like this  _getting along thing_  that we've managed for almost a day. I wonder how long we could keep it up for."

Patrick slapped John on the shoulder and felt regret when he saw John wince. It was the shoulder with the scars so obviously the one he had injured. He flashed John a conciliatory smile and nodded. "Yeah, I like it, too. Why don't we take it one day at a time, huh?"

John nodded also and turned to watch the game again. He was feeling pretty good right now. He and his Dad had definitely crossed a major hurdle. He knew it wasn't the last one by any means and it wouldn't be the highest either but it was one that they had gotten through unscathed and for him that was a huge victory.

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	33. Thirty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 33

Chapter 33

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John let himself into the house clutching his right arm close to his body. He had just had his first PT appointment and he was in quite a bit of pain. It was only the initial appointment but they had checked his range of motion and mobility and John felt like they were trying to twist him into a pretzel. They'd also started off with some light exercises but his arm felt like it had fallen off so he wasn't sure how what they had done was meant to make his shoulder better. And it sure hadn't helped that he had borrowed Dave's truck which had a stick shift. He'd driven there just fine with only a little twinge here and there but after the Torture King had finished with him, he could barely lift his hand to shift the gears.

He headed toward the kitchen and found it occupied by Amy, Teyla and the kids. He included Torren in that set and thought it was kind of cool that he could group his son in like that. Scotty saw him and immediately launched himself at John. John braced himself and wrapped his left arm around the boy but he couldn't hide the agony that crossed his face at the impact or the groan that escaped from his mouth.

Both Teyla and Amy threw concerned looks his way and Teyla stepped quickly toward him to take his arm.

"John, are you all right?" she questioned, her concern evident.

He lowered Scotty to the ground and tried to get his breath back before he answered. When he gave his typical, "I'm fine," Teyla glared at him and shook her head.

"You are obviously not fine," she scolded and led him to sit next to where Torren was sitting in a small infant booster seat strapped to a chair. He had a few baby toys in front of him and he was pushing them around his tray happily.

"Hey, Pal," John said as he leaned in to kiss TJ. The child backed away and frowned for a second and John felt his heart stop.

He had shaved off the beard yesterday since it was summer here and the weather was just too hot to keep it. He knew O'Neill and Landry would have a cow if it wasn't gone by the time they were ready to go back to Atlantis, anyway. And he wanted Torren to get used to seeing him without it. But he obviously wasn't used to it yet. And each time he fussed when John was near, it almost ripped his heart right out of his chest.

"You must continue to speak to him, John," Teyla insisted knowing what his fear was. "He knows your voice and will soon be familiar with your face without the beard. It may just take some time."

"Is that right, kiddo," John began again. "You just need me to talk to you, huh? Okay, well, I can do that. First, let me tell you this PT stuff ain't no picnic. This guy tried to move my arm in positions I don't think it's ever been in before. I thought he was supposed to make my shoulder and arm feel better but he pretty much incapacitated it. And then trying to drive home with a bum arm sure wasn't easy, especially since your Uncle Dave's truck sticks going into third gear. When you get old enough and I teach you to drive, you'll know what that means."

By now Torren was cooing and flapping his hands and John felt marginally better. Apparently his son did know his voice. He stuck his clean shaven face into TJ's and gave him smooches all over.

"I'm so sorry, John," Amy apologized as John continued to blow raspberries all over Torren. "I should have let you use the sedan. I didn't even think about the stick shift."

John picked up one of the new rattles they had gotten yesterday and shook it over TJ's head. "Don't worry about it, Amy. I thought it would be fine. And it  _was_  fine going there but after I had my shoulder practically dislocated, the stick was just a bit harder to manage. But I might take you up on the sedan offer tomorrow; unless you need it for the kids. I can always rent a car you know."

Amy rolled her eyes. "We have four vehicles, John. There's absolutely no reason for you to rent something. Now are you hungry? We just threw together some sandwiches and I've got potato salad to go with it."

Teyla brought some of the food to the table while Amy put together another sandwich. John kept up his running dialogue with TJ trying to ensure that his son would know who he was, beard or not. Scotty kept trying to get John's attention with a story or question and John chuckled at how much the boy had attached himself to his long absent uncle. John tried to balance between listening to Scotty and making sure TJ was happily occupied.

Teyla kept her eye on him during the meal and after more than a few winces she questioned, "John, should you be in this much discomfort?"

John winced again and answered, "Yeah, apparently so. Mark, the Physical Therapist, said the manipulation of the shoulder would inflame the joint and make it pretty tender for a while. I guess this first week is supposed to be pretty bad."

"Did they give you something for the pain?" Amy asked wide eyed.

John dug in his pocket and pulled out a few pieces of paper which he set on the table by his now empty plate. "A few prescriptions; one for an anti-inflammatory and some Vicodin for the pain. He also said that icing it would help with the swelling and healing. "

"Then let's get you some ice and I can run to the drug store and get those prescriptions filled," Amy suggested. "Scotty, Kristy, get some shoes on so we can go and get Uncle John some medicine so he'll feel better."

"Amy, it's fine," John insisted. "I can run out later and do it."

Amy handed him an ice pack with a disgusted look on her face then she turned to Teyla. "Is he always like this, Teyla?"

Teyla just chuckled. "Yes, John does not like to admit to pain or discomfort of any kind. It grows quite tiresome at times."

"Hey," John objected to his wife's criticism as he eased the ice pack onto his shoulder. "You're supposed to be on my side."

Teyla laughed again and Torren laughed also. "See, even your son thinks you are being too stoic. But Amy, you need not bring the children with you. They may stay here and I will be happy to watch them. Unfortunately I do not know how to operate one of your vehicles and am still a bit confused with your currency and trading system or I would go myself."

Amy reached for the prescriptions and nodded at Teyla. "Thanks, it  _would_  be easier and probably quicker without them. Do you need anything else while I'm there?"

"I think Uncle John wants a candy bar, Mom," Scotty offered. "They always make me feel better when I hurt something. And sometimes they have a whole pack of them. You could get that if they're on sale."

Amy gave him the  _Mom stare_ and he pouted in disappointment.

John chuckled. "Good try, Pal."

He reached in his wallet and handed Amy an insurance card. It felt weird since he never really needed this on Atlantis. He pulled out a few bills and threw them on the table near her. "If you get the prescription filled on base it doesn't cost you anything but if you don't, there's probably a co-pay. Let me know if it's more than that. It's been a while since I've used that."

Amy took the bills and directed Scotty, "Honey, you know the wrap Daddy uses for his knee sometimes, it's in the closet in the bathroom. Can you get that and put it in the freezer. I think it's a little bigger and will cover more of his shoulder than the little ice pack he has there."

"I'll be back as soon as this is ready," Amy said then nodded to the freezer. "Teyla, there are a few more cold packs in there. You might want to give him a few and have him lie down to ice the front and the back. Kristy, you be good for Auntie Teyla and make sure you don't bother Uncle John. His shoulder hurts and he needs to rest it."

Kristy got up and moved into the kitchen and dug around in one of the drawers. She came back a moment later and plopped something in front of John. "Mama, he can use my Boo-Boo Bunny to make him better."

John looked at what she had given him. It was a facecloth that had been rolled up and twisted to make the shape of a rabbit. It even had googly eyes attached.

"That's so sweet, honey," Amy praised her child then looked at John. "You stick a little ice cube in the bunny's body and use it when the kids get a boo-boo. You wouldn't believe how effective they are."

John chuckled and smiled warmly at his niece, then kissed her on the head. "Thank you, Kristy. I appreciate it." He made a mental note to find out how to make them for when Torren started falling and hurting himself.

Amy left and Teyla started to clean up the table. John got up to help but Teyla ordered him to sit and entertain their son while she finished up. By the time she was done, Torren had started to fuss and John knew the sound. It was his hunger cry. And unfortunately John could do nothing about that.

Teyla scooped Torren up and got herself settled comfortably in the family room on the couch, Scotty and Kristy on either side of her. John had grabbed some new ice packs and lowered himself into the recliner and leaned back, one pack under his shoulder and one on top. The pain was still killing him but there was no way he would show it, especially in front of the kids. He didn't want them to think their Uncle John was a big baby.

He kept his eyes on Teyla the whole while she was feeding Torren. The two children thought it was extremely interesting how she was feeding him and kept their eyes glued on the baby.  _See, I'm not the only one who thinks it's fascinating._

But he really loved hearing her talk to the kids. She was so patient and answered all their questions about the baby and where she was from and why she was lifting him to her shoulder to burp him. And they  _did_ have a million questions.

When TJ was finished eating, John offered to take him and since Teyla could tell the child was ready to sleep soon, she gave in. John lowered him to his chest and snuggled the boy with his left arm. He could barely move the right one without some sort of torturous pain. He didn't know how he would make it through PT tomorrow.

Teyla settled back on the couch between the children and began reading some storybooks that Kristy had picked out for her. He figured Scotty usually didn't listen to those kinds of books anymore but he was so enamored with his new aunt that he didn't want to leave her side and let Kristy get more attention, especially since John was now occupied with the sleeping baby.

And he really couldn't blame the kids, he had been enamored of Teyla since almost the moment he had met her. He still wondered how he could have been so stupid as to not tell her how he felt for so long. Looking back now, he had seen signs that she had been attracted to him, too but he had been too blind to see it. He had thought his little crush on her had been silly and he needed to be responsible and make sure the good of the team came before any romantic feelings on his part.

As Teyla read, John's mind wandered and imagined what it would be like if they had more kids. Would they have days like this where Daddy lounged on the recliner with the newest one and Mommy read stories to the others? He kind of liked the idea the more he thought about it. And it was funny because he had never really thought too much about kids before he had become a Dad.

Oh, he had thought about them in the future tense, always  _far_  in the future. But he wasn't a young man anymore and it was probably past time for him to think about kids. In a few years he would be forty and that was on the older side of being a new Dad. He'd never really thought of that before.

His hand rubbed up and down Torren's back and he breathed in the incredible scent of his little baby head and just enjoyed the sensation of having his child resting against him. Yeah, they had definitely lucked out. Things could have been so much worse for them but they had managed to pull this little miracle out of a potentially hellish situation. And he could never regret that.

As Teyla's melodic voice chanted out the story from the book, John felt himself relax despite the fire burning in his shoulder and he soon drifted along with Torren into the land of sleep.

.

.

Patrick pulled his car up behind David's and got out. As they walked down the hall they heard voices coming from the kids' playroom and peeked in. Scotty had cars and roadways all over the floor and Kristy had a tea set spread out on a little table. John was on the floor leaning against the sofa in there with Torren propped between his legs.

The baby had a rattle in his hands and was gnawing at it ferociously. Dave figured this child might be getting some teeth a little early if the chewing was anything to go by. John kept leaning over to push one of the little cars across the room to Scotty.

Patrick examined John's face which was now clean shaven and thought he looked much better than he had the last few days. It certainly made him appear younger. Or maybe he just wasn't as stressed as he usually was when he was on base and working in a war zone. He wondered what John would think if he suggested that.

They watched as Kristy walked over to her uncle and handed him a plastic tea cup. John accepted it graciously and pretended to drink. He stopped halfway through and commented, "You know what would go really well with this tea? Some cookies. You don't happen to have any do you?"

Kristy turned around happily and dug through the jumbled mess in the toy box until she found some plastic pieces that looked like cookies. She ran back over to John and handed one to him. John again pretended to eat it, while making sure that Torren's greedy hands didn't get it. The child loved putting things in his mouth.

"These are very good," John complimented. "Do you think you could give the recipe to your Auntie Teyla? Her cookies aren't really edible."

"What edible mean?" Kristy asked confused.

John gave a small chuckle and looked around cautiously. He looked embarrassed for a minute when he saw his father and brother standing in the doorway but when he didn't see Teyla there he explained, "It means you really don't want to eat them."

John looked up again and said, "Hey Dad, Dave. Got some great tea and cookies here if you're interested."

Dave chuckled too. "Oh, believe me I've had my share of that tea and cookies. I think I'll save some room for dinner. Enjoy."

Patrick smiled at his granddaughter. "How about you make me some of those cookies for  _after_  dinner. I don't want to spoil my appetite."

"Uncoo John had some before dinner," Kristy pointed out.

Patrick nodded solemnly. "He used to do that when he was a kid, too. And then he couldn't finish his meal. Your grandmother used to get a little aggravated with him for that. I see he still hasn't changed his habits much."

John bristled a little at the dig but then noticed his father was smiling widely and that twinkle was back in his eyes. He was apparently kidding. John took a deep breath and knew he needed to stop reading criticism into everything his Dad said. It would just get them into a shouting match and he really didn't want that. They were both trying so hard and he knew it must be just as difficult for his Dad as it was for him.

Patrick nodded at all in the playroom and headed to the kitchen. He wondered if he could get a small sample of what was on the menu. Amy was at the stove stirring a pot and Teyla was pulling dishes down from a cabinet that was almost too high for her to reach. He stepped in and grabbed them as she got them loose from the others and lowered them to the counter.

"Thank you, Mr. Sheppard," Teyla said as she began to pull silverware from a drawer.

"Oh, Teyla, please, I'm your father-in-law now, call me Patrick or you can call me Dad, Amy does. But only if you're comfortable doing that. Whichever you choose is fine. Here let me help you set the table."

He took the plates while Teyla took some glasses and utensils to the dining room. Often they just used the kitchen table but with everyone here, the dining room had more space.

As forks were placed near knives, Patrick decided he would try to get to know more about his son and daughter-in-law. "John had his first PT appointment today, right? How did he like the man David recommended?"

Teyla paused for a second and smiled warmly at him. "I am sure he is very efficient but John was in considerable pain after he returned at noon time. Amy was kind enough to go to the market and get his medication for him and I believe it helped the pain somewhat."

Teyla shook her head and sighed, "But John does not like to show weakness of any kind. And I know he has a very high pain tolerance but I wish he would sometimes allow others to take care of him if he needs it."

Patrick completely understood how she felt. They'd finished setting the table so Patrick took Teyla's hand and motioned for her to sit next to him at the table. "Tell me what happened with his arm. I know he didn't really want to say much because the kids were right there, but I'd like to know."

When Teyla's eyes grew dark and pained, he knew it wouldn't be good.

"We were returning from a neighbor's house when we encountered a wild creature that had come down from the mountains due to a cold spell. Unfortunately it was standing in between us and our cottage. John attempted to distract it by throwing some food away from us, so that I could safely get Torren in the house. John kept himself between us and the creature and was following but the creature attacked before John could get all the way to the house."

"By the time I put Torren safely in his cradle and came out with a fire poker and a hunting knife, the beast had already torn open John's shoulder with his teeth and clawed much of his neck and arm as well. I jabbed the poker at it then shoved it in his mouth. John continued to push with the poker and I stabbed the beast and slit his throat."

"And John actually survived this attack," Patrick commented amazed as he thought about what Teyla had done. He didn't know too many society wives who could face down a wild animal and slit its throat. This was some woman John had here.

Teyla's face fell as she continued. "John lost much blood and his wounds were quite severe. The local healer did a wonderful job with what she possessed but her experience and medicines were not as advanced as what John's people have. He was exceptionally weak and his injury grew infected and for several days I feared we might lose him. But John is extremely strong and very stubborn and for that I am exceedingly thankful. It was a long road to recovery but John healed quickly as he usually does and his shoulder will hopefully be repaired and be at full strength again with the new therapy he is receiving now."

Patrick dwelled on something Teyla said.  _John healed quickly as he usually did._  How often did he get hurt in his position? O'Neill and Carter said he was the Military Commander but obviously he'd been in a dangerous situation when his transport went down and there must have been other times he was hurt if Teyla made a comment about him healing. So he was a very  _active_  Commander not one who sat around and gave orders. It didn't surprise him but the thought didn't please him either.

His first instinct was to go in and demand that John immediately leave the service or at least get transferred back to the States in a non-battle position. He had a wife and child now to think about and he couldn't go around getting injured or possibly killed and leave them to fend for themselves.

But looking at Teyla and her exotic eyes and deep toned skin, he was reminded that Teyla was not from around here. She lived where John was stationed and perhaps wanted to remain there. But truthfully who would choose a war torn country over America where you had every convenience there ever was; especially if you were a Sheppard. He could offer Teyla and Torren the best of everything. Perhaps he and John needed to have another little chat. He looked at Teyla straighten some of the silverware and decided to wait for that conversation.

Amy announced that dinner was just about ready and asked Patrick and Teyla if they could get the children, and  _yes,_ she was including John in that group. They happily agreed and wandered down to the playroom.

Patrick went in and patted Scotty and Kristy on the head as he helped them pick up. Teyla smiled down at John and told him dinner was ready. John picked Torren up and held him in front of his face, looking toward Teyla.

"Mommy, you didn't cook dinner tonight did you?" John mimicked a baby's voice. "No, Mommy, no, please don't cook for these people. I like them, they're really nice. They don't deserve that. Good thing I'm just having my milk."

Teyla glared at John as she reached to take Torren from his hands. "Just for that, I will not help you get up." And she marched out of the room with the baby in her arms.

John knew she wasn't really upset and if she was, which he didn't think so, he would just try and sweet talk her while in bed tonight. But she was used to his teasing about her cooking. He wasn't too worried.

But as he thought about that and attempted to get off the floor, he realized he really  _could_  use a hand up. His right arm was acting pretty useless about now. He bent his knees and put his left hand on the couch and pushed but as he did, his right arm swung free and the movement seared pain through his shoulder worse than ever.

He stifled the gasp that tried to escape and paused kneeling on the floor, his head resting on the couch cushions and his right arm tucked in close to his chest. It was another few moments before he could breathe easy enough to attempt moving again. When he did he found his father right there to assist him. He didn't really want to accept his help but he did anyway.

Patrick held onto John's left arm until he steadied himself and worry grew inside him. He hated to see anyone he loved hurting and with John, if he actually showed pain, you knew it had to be pretty bad. John could tolerate quite a bit. He knew that from experience.

They moved into the dining room and Patrick noticed John seemed more in control of the pain now. He remembered what Teyla had said about John accepting help when he needed it and knew he got that from him. Patrick couldn't abide being sick or unable to do something and always tried to work through his illness or injury himself. It was scary how alike he and John were. Just like the boys' mother had suggested.

Dinner was enjoyable and talk varied from the company and what was going on there to Kristy's party she was having on Thursday. They spoke of John's rehab and Dave's knee injury he had sustained a few years back and what he had gone through.

"Have you played any golf lately, John?" Dave asked as they finished up dessert. "Although I don't imagine there are many golf courses where you are. Where are you again?"

John chuckled at the attempt to get information. John just ignored part of the question. "No, no golf courses but I have set up a driving range. I manage to hit a bucket of balls every now and then. I even tried to teach Teyla a while back but she kept coming up with excuses not to be able to."

Teyla tried for an innocent expression as she defended, "I truly was behind in writing my mission logs. You know how Elizabeth would get on us so when they were not on time and accurate."

John gave a half smile only, still feeling the guilt of that weigh him down. Teyla reached under the table and took his hand to rub her thumb gently over the back of it in commiseration. They both still missed their friend.

"Maybe once my shoulder's a little better, right before I leave, I can get in eighteen holes. You still got enough clout with the Country Club to get me in there? Pretty sure my membership ran out a while ago."

David chuckled. "Yeah, I may be able to work something out. But only if you promise to lose."

It was John's turn to laugh. "I haven't played golf in too many years to count. I'm pretty sure I won't be getting any great scores."

John looked at his father and asked, "Dad, you up for a game? It could be just like old times. The three Sheppard men beating the pants off any of the competitors."

"I don't know, John," Patrick deadpanned but John could see the twinkle start to shine. "You just said you hadn't played in a while. I don't think we need any dead weight on our team. Maybe we could get you in with one of the other teams."

John snorted but knew his father was only teasing and he found he liked it. It had been a very long time since he had actually held a pleasant conversation with his Dad. "Thanks, Dad. Appreciate that." But John made sure his Dad saw his smile and teasing grin, also.

Dinner ended soon after and they all moved to the family room. John got the impression that his Dad came over fairly often and they had this routine for when he did. Some board games came out and the coffee table was moved so all could sit around it.

They played Trouble first and Kristy crawled in John's lap and played on his team as only four people could play and she didn't always have the patience to stay the whole game. They chose blue, Teyla took red, Patrick got yellow and Scotty took green. Amy thought she was the lucky one because she got to hold Torren. David got the Wall Street Journal and thought he had won the jackpot.

John smirked when Kristy got excited about popping the bubble in the middle that rolled the dice but then she could care less about actually moving the pieces around the board. He used his left hand to move the playing piece and used the time in between his turn to do some of the easy exercises Mark had taught him and insisted he do at home. They were simple and only consisted of some repetitive movements of lifting his arm or holding it out and putting it back at certain angles but John found that his shoulder really didn't want to move in some of those directions as far as he was supposed to move it.

Every time he involuntarily winced or groaned, Kristy would turn in his lap and ask, "Your boo-boo still hurt, Uncoo John?" And then she would kiss his shoulder to make it better.

After about the tenth kiss, John had looked at Teyla and given her his puppy dog eyes. "Isn't she adorable, Teyla? And she's got  _pig tails_. Wouldn't a little girl be so nice? We could do matching hair ribbons and everything." His eyes lit up and teased her and she simply rolled her eyes and took her turn at the game.

Dave laughed at John's words. "Pig tails? He isn't still pining over Sara-Lee whatshername and her homemade cookies, is he?"

Teyla looked up with infinite patience on her face and answered, "Yes, he has  _mentioned_  her and how delicious the cookies were."

"John, you were six," Dave noted. "You need to get over it."

Everyone laughed and the game continued on until Scotty was triumphant. Torren was handed back to Teyla for a final feeding and Scotty and Kristy were hustled off to brush their teeth and put on pajamas. They returned a few minutes later and gave kisses all around. John really liked this good night kiss thing. He couldn't wait until TJ was old enough where he actually  _received_ a kiss from his son instead of giving him one.

Not that he would ever stop giving his son kisses but he just thought it was nice to be on the receiving end of things. He looked at his Dad and thought, okay maybe kisses for your Dad did stop at a certain age especially if you were a guy but John had to admit that as uncomfortable and awkward as the hugs were from his Dad the last few days, they had actually made him feel good. He still wondered when the shit would hit the fan. He knew at some point it probably would. He and his Dad were both too stubborn and hard headed for things to go smoothly the entire visit. He hoped the fallout would be minimal though.

Patrick left by eight-thirty and Torren was put down a few minutes after. Thankfully he slipped into slumber right away and John and Teyla were able to sit with Dave and Amy and watch a few shows on TV. John found he rather liked this ritual, too. When they were on Dimitta they were usually taking care of Torren and they'd only been on Atlantis for a week before they were brought back to Earth. They hadn't really been able to develop any routines. He was looking forward to a time when they truly could.

John sat through the show with the large ice pack on one shoulder and Teyla tucked herself into the other but by the end of the second show he had to finally admit that he needed another pain pill. Once it kicked in though, his eyes started to close of their own accord.

He and Teyla said good night and got ready for bed. The night was warm so John slept in just his boxers and Teyla pulled on only a long, loose top. They slid into bed and Teyla took her usual position on John's chest. But she was on his left side now since the accident instead of his right where she had always slept before.

John's left hand caressed her back and moved under her top moving to her curves. Teyla snuggled closer and her hand moved to run through the hair on John's chest. Her lips touched where her hands had been and John closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. He twisted to reach for her better and let out a yell as his shoulder screamed in agony.

He flopped onto his back and panted through his teeth as he tried to control the intense pain that was still raging through his shoulder. Teyla pushed onto her elbow and threw him a concerned look.

"John, perhaps you should just rest. Let me get you some more ice."

John didn't argue as Teyla pulled on a robe and returned a few moments later and laid the pack on his shoulder. He thanked her and she crawled back in beside him. She touched his lips with her lips then snuggled back against his side.

"Perhaps we should finish what we were doing at another time when your shoulder is better healed."

John just grunted and pressed his lips to her hair. He and Teyla were alone together and the baby was asleep. There would be no emergencies from the city so they had all the time in the world. But his shoulder was throbbing and barely able to move. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.

.

sgasgasgasgasgagsagsga

 


	34. Thirty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 34

Chapter 34

.

John cruised the lot looking for a place to park. He had just finished his PT and gone to the bank. They had finally straightened out his financial mess and he had gotten the money to pay his Dad back. Now he was at Sheppard Industries and the lot was full. He didn't know why he was surprised. It was the middle of the day and his Dad employed hundreds of people.

He finally found a spot near the very back of the lot and slid the car in. As he put the sedan in park, thankful that Amy had offered him the use of it for the past three days, he thought about the party that was going on back at the house. It was Kristy's birthday today and she was having six of her friends over for fun and games. And as much as he loved his niece, he didn't think he could handle seven four year olds jumping all over him. They would celebrate with the family tonight and he would give her the present he had bought for her then.

Plus ,Scotty had been allowed to invite one of his friends over as well to keep him occupied and out of his mother's hair. Scotty had been loads of fun to play with but he and Kristy kept forgetting that his shoulder had been ripped off all week long and they insisted on piggy back rides and lots of tussling around. John would normally love that type of thing but the pain in his shoulder had actually gotten worse as the week went by and they had pushed it a little harder. They had assured him it would start to feel better soon.

He sure hoped so. He felt at a definite disadvantage when he wanted to put his moves on Teyla. Just thoughts of last night had him sitting in the car for another few minutes until certain parts of him calmed down at the memory.

His shoulder had been bothering him quite a bit and Dave had suggested using the Jacuzzi. Amy had offered to sit and listen for Torren so Teyla could enjoy the hot tub as well. She figured they were in the family room watching a movie anyway and could easily hear the baby if he cried. John and Teyla had readily accepted.

And the pulsating water had done a great job in relaxing his aching shoulder joint but after a while looking at Teyla and her honey colored skin glistening in the moonlight, other parts of him became more than a little tense. He had started by running his foot up and down her leg then moving to her thigh. Teyla had gotten in on the act and allowed her foot to caress its way up his leg.

Then John had managed to grab her foot and pull her closer. But as she got within reach he had easily divested her of her boy cut bathing suit bottom. She had been scandalized at first.

"John, we are outside. Should we be doing this?"

"Dave and Amy are watching their movie and listening for TJ. So yes, we should definitely be doing this."

He pulled her closer and undid the back of her top and dropped it on the edge of the tub. Then his hands moved her closer and he attached his lips to her neck, exposed by her clipped up hair. They lingered there for a while then drifted to her rounded curves.

As he sucked on one prominent peak he confessed, "You know sometimes I get a little jealous of our son that he gets to do this so often. Doesn't seem quite fair."

Teyla simply looked down at him and lowered her mouth to his forehead. He lifted his face and reached for her lips and they engaged in a heated battle, each of them trying for dominance. As they did this, Teyla began wiggling her hips and John let out a groan of desire. His lips lowered to her chest again, played for a little while then he pushed her up more so his lips could move further down her body.

Teyla grasped his head as his mouth and tongue caressed down her abdomen and attempted to reach lower. John tilted his head back and rested it on the decking and wrapped his arms under her legs to squeeze her buttocks and pull her forward. His tongue then searched for her feminine opening and Teyla pushed her hips forward and spread her legs to allow him access.

John remembered as his lips and tongue licked and sucked and whipped Teyla into a heated frenzy. He had finally lowered her back into the water and turned her so her back was against his chest. He then had stroked her front from shoulder to thigh and stoked her desire even higher.

But Teyla was not one to be just a receiver of gifts and she reached between them for his manhood and rubbed it with quick caresses designed to bring him closer to the edge. John finally could stand no more and had thrust up into her and settled her on his lap, comfortable deep inside her. His hands still roamed her chest and sometimes teased her feminine nub as she writhed on his thighs.

Her hands reached down to hold tightly to his legs and she began lifting and lowering as John moved to hold her hips. He thrust up then pulled her back down over and over again. He loved hearing the noises Teyla made when she was aroused, she was so passionate. That alone could get him to fulfillment; she had that much power over him.

When they had finally shuddered their completion, John had slid his arms around her and held her close for many minutes just enjoying the feel of her against him. She had seemed to enjoy it too. And he had completely forgotten about the pain in his shoulder. At least for a short while. Perhaps they would have to do that all the time.

John came back to the present, chuckling at what had happened shortly after when they had walked into the house, suits back on and wrapped in towels. Amy had been blushing and Dave had merely set aside the newspaper he had been casually looking at and said, "You know, John, next time you use the Jacuzzi, you might want to make sure the intercom is off."

He had been mortified but only for a few seconds. Dave hadn't seemed too bothered by it, simply amused and he and Teyla were married so what they were doing was hardly wrong. And they were both adults. But he knew he would check on the intercom next time. No sense embarrassing Dave and Amy with their noises of passion. He was just glad the kids or his Dad hadn't been there to hear it. That explanation might have been a bit more difficult.

John walked all the way through the parking lot and entered the building. He hadn't been here in many years but he assumed his Dad still had the big office on the fourth floor in the executive suites. He took the elevator and moved down the hall, trying to ignore the many stares he got from some of the staff. He figured the ones who didn't care were the ones who were new since he had last been there.

A gray haired woman probably close to sixty sat outside his Dad's office like a sentry standing guard. He knew a large part of her job was to keep people away from Patrick Sheppard. And sure enough she looked up as he approached, preparing to do battle with anyone who dared ask for an audience with the Great and Powerful Sheppard.

But when she did, he realized he knew her. "Mrs. Webber? I didn't know you were still here. And a nice little promotion up to guarding the old man himself."

Carol stared at the man in front of her and recognition immediately took hold. "John!" she cried and leaped out of her seat and moved around her desk to hug him. "Oh, sweetie, you don't know how awful it was when everyone thought you were dead. It changed your father something fierce. He just wasn't himself. Now don't tell him I said this but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Your father with a little more emotion was very pleasant to see."

John heard what she said but still had his doubts. He knew he had seen some of this also but he still wondered how long it would last. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Deep inside he hoped that it never would. He was really enjoying the relationship he and his Dad had worked on improving over the last six days.

John released her from the embrace and cocked his head in the direction of the CEO's office. "He in there?"

"Yes," Carol answered but grimaced. "He's in with a client right now though. Let me just tell him you're here. They must be done by now. They're probably just talking golf."

John wanted to tell her to forget it. He hated to disturb his Dad when he was at work. When they were younger it had always made him grouchy when he had to deal with one of his kids when he was conducting business. But then he really wanted to test out this newfound patience for his youngest son and see if his Dad was willing to forsake a client to see him.

Carol buzzed his intercom and announced, "Mr. Sheppard, your son is here to see you."

"David?" came Patrick's voice through the intercom back. "I thought he was with the reps from the new vendor."

"No, your son, John, is here."

John felt disappointment deflate his already fragile ego where his Dad was concerned. His Dad had two sons but he guessed he didn't always remember that.

"Oh, John, yes, send him right in."

John frowned and gave a deep sigh as he walked toward the office. He opened the door cautiously and poked his head in. "If this isn't a good time, Dad, I can come back."

Patrick immediately rushed toward the door and drew John in. "John, no come in. I didn't expect to see you here. You always did hate this place. And I thought you'd still be at Physical Therapy."

Patrick looked at his watch and noticed that it was now noon and his eyes opened wide. "Oh, I didn't realize what time it was. Bill, you got me way off topic. Now let me introduce you to my son, John."

The man with his father looked around ten years older than John and his eyes roamed over John taking in the cargo pants and polo shirt he had changed into after his PT. He stuck his hand out and shook John's firmly.

"This is Bill Winston, John," Patrick introduced. "And this is my youngest son, Colonel John Sheppard."

John was shocked that his father had introduced him with his rank. He had never even liked admitting John was in the military before.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Winston said. "I can tell you your old man here was quite distraught when they said you were dead. But then I imagine any father would be when hearing that news about their child. I'm glad it wasn't true and they were finally able to bring you home."

"Thanks," John replied not sure what else you said to something like that. He had always been uncomfortable around his father's business associates. He thought they were constantly judging him and wondering why he didn't help his father with the company. But maybe they weren't and he just had some major issues. He better hide them or they'd have him visiting Heightmeyer on a daily basis when he got back.

Winston said his goodbyes and promised Patrick a round of golf in the next few weeks and left. John was left with his hands in his pockets standing awkwardly in the middle of his Dad's big office. Patrick came over and slapped him on the shoulder but was careful to touch the left one this time.

"How's the shoulder feel today, John?"

"I can move it a bit further than I could but it still hurts like hell. Especially now when I don't want to take any Vicodin, not while I'm driving, it's just too dangerous."

Patrick nodded in understanding and wondered if John would take the pain pills even if he wasn't driving. He knew he was taking them at night so he could actually get some sleep but he would guess that during the day he was trying to tough it out.

"So what brings you here, John? Just missing your old man?" Patrick teased wondering if John had ever missed him. He'd like to think so but he still wasn't sure.

John reached his left hand into his pocket and drew out his wallet. He pulled out a bunch of large bills and presented them to his father. "I'm alive again."

Patrick looked confused for a second then John explained, "I've been declared alive again and all the red tape finally went through. So I was able to get some money out of my account. This is the stuff I borrowed from you the other day. Thank you again, Dad. I really appreciate it."

"You don't have to pay me back, John," Patrick said and didn't reach for the money that John was extending. "You know I'm more than happy to buy things for my son and his family. I haven't had the opportunity to do that in many years. And now I have a new daughter-in-law and a new grandson and want to spoil them a little."

John clenched his jaw at the thought of Patrick trying to buy his love. But then he took a deep breath and counted in his head. "I appreciate that Dad, and I'm sure there are some things that Teyla would like and TJ needs and if you want to get them each a little present before we go back, I'm sure that would be fine. But I can't just take the amount of money you let me have before. It's way too much."

Patrick found his jaw clenched as tight as John's but he did understand his son's point and even respected him for not being a money grubbing slacker. He had a number of friends whose children just drained them dry but didn't actually contribute to society in any way. He could proudly say both his sons worked for every penny they had.

Patrick took the money and saw John sigh with relief. He guessed his son was expecting a fight about this. And maybe a year ago he may very well have given it to him but too much time thinking John was dead had made him need to stay in contact with his son and he didn't want to do anything to screw that up.

John shoved his wallet back in his pocket and gave his father a tiny smile. "So, now that I'm alive again and have money, are you interested in having your son buy you lunch?"

Patrick's mouth twisted wryly. "Trying to avoid the four year old birthday party?"

"You know it!" John replied with a grin. "Teyla was very interested though. She loves learning about our country and culture. It's so different from where she grew up."

Patrick thought that was a perfect opening for the conversation he'd wanted to have with John for the last few days. But he figured they should probably get comfortable first.

Patrick led him out of his office and told Carol he'd be at lunch with his son for a while. He could be contacted only if there was an emergency. Otherwise David could take care of things. She seemed a bit surprised at this instruction but Patrick knew he really did need to start handing the reigns over to his eldest son. He'd been preparing him for this for years.

They walked outside and when Patrick learned John's car was at the back of the lot declared they would take his car. "It's not a control thing, John, I swear. I just don't really want to walk all that way."

John just laughed and got in his Dad's luxury vehicle in his nice, close parking spot. They drove to an elegant restaurant and John joked, "Did I say I was paying? I was thinking of the fast food burger joint down the street when I said that?"

Patrick found that he was about to insist that he pay and not John but then decided he would tease his son a bit. "Oh, no, you offered to pay, John. You never said it had to be any place specific. And I really like this place. Besides, my doctor gets really annoyed at me when I eat too much greasy food. This place doesn't know the meaning of the word."

They were seated quickly and John ordered a steak and baked potato. It had been too long since he had eaten a really good steak. And he knew this place, too. The steak would be top quality. Patrick got a baked piece of fish, explaining that he'd gotten used to it since he had needed to watch his weight.

John looked down at his own slim body and grinned. "I haven't really needed to worry about that yet. But if I don't get back to some more training I just might have to."

Patrick frowned. "Haven't you been running every day, John? That must be what keeps you thin, right?"

"That's part of it, Dad, but I also train with the troops and run drills. And I don't like expecting them to do all the workouts if I can't do them myself. I have to make sure that every soldier under my command is capable of a certain amount of endurance and I'm no exception."

Patrick thought about what John said and found it to be quite admirable. Too many leaders wanted their people to do all the hard work but wouldn't think of doing it themselves. He liked that John expected as much from himself as he did from his troops. Patrick was like that himself.

But he didn't like the fact that the training John did was preparation for battle. That thought scared him to death. And he knew death was what could happen to John if he wasn't careful. They had already gone through that once, he didn't think he could actually go through it again. He was just about to bring it up when their food was delivered to the table.

John practically dived into his steak and Patrick just watched him enjoy his meal. When he saw John take a breath, he laughed and shook his head. "Maybe I should buy you a cow and ship it back to where you're stationed."

John finished chewing a bite and apologized. "Sorry, Dad, it's just been a while since I've had real, honest to goodness steak. And this is amazing. I should bring Teyla here. I'll bet she'd love the food."

Patrick looked around and smiled. "Not really a place for babies though is it? You might have to ask the kid's grandfather to babysit while you're here and you can take your beautiful wife out to dinner."

John smiled at the thought and it brought to mind something he had been thinking of. "You know, Dad, I was actually thinking that maybe Teyla and I should get married around here. I'm not sure how legal the marriage we had was in the States. I don't want anything too fancy or big but maybe just some simple vows at the ranch house or something. Do you think you could possibly help me with getting that put together? I'm not sure who I need to call to set that up. Teyla's military i.d. is just temporary and I might need to call General O'Neill to pull some strings."

"I think that's a lovely idea, John. Have you spoken to Teyla about it yet?"

"Not really, no. I guess that would be the first step. Who knows, maybe she doesn't want to be legally married to me in my own country."

Patrick smirked at the insane notion. "I don't think you have anything to worry about there, John. That woman is deeply in love with you. It's very apparent whenever she looks at you."

John smiled back. "Well, the feeling's mutual, that's for sure. Teyla's the most amazing woman I've ever met. What do _you_ think about her, Dad?" John knew he was asking for trouble with this question but he really wanted to know.

"I love her, John. She's absolutely perfect."

John winced. "You said that about Nancy, too. We all know how that worked out." This was where John fully expected his Dad to lambaste him for letting Nancy go. He didn't know why he had even brought her up. He figured he must have masochistic tendencies. But Patrick's response surprised him.

"Nancy is indeed a lovely woman, John and I wished the two of you could have worked things out. But on reflection, I think Nancy wasn't strong enough to deal with having a husband like you. She couldn't handle you or deal with who you are."

Patrick thought about Teyla and what he'd learned of her so far. She was a leader of her people who lived in an obvious war torn part of the world. She was raised in absolute hardship and what he assumed was poverty level. But she had grace and dignity instilled in her and portrayed charm and wisdom as well. And she could slit the throat of a beast that was attacking her man! That was strength.

"I think Teyla's a much better fit for you, John. She doesn't seem the type to sit around wishing for things to get better. I have a feeling she's the type who'd go out and find a way to _make_ things better, and that includes your relationship."

John felt awe at his father's words. He was right, Teyla was all those things but it was nice to hear his father admit it and let John know that he approved. John had always told himself he didn't need his Dad's approval but he knew he was just kidding himself. Of course he wanted his father's approval. What kid didn't? He was no different than anyone else in that respect even if he tried to convince himself he was.

"Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me. And Teyla means a lot to me as you probably figured out. And now that we have TJ, she's even more important in my life."

John took another bite of his meal then looked back at his father. "Did you feel like this when you first had a kid? I mean, I look at Torren and the feelings are so overwhelmingly strong that it's almost painful at times. I never imagined having a child could be so powerful."

Patrick gave John a warm look. He loved that they were having this conversation even though it wasn't typical of what he was comfortable with. He nodded his head. "Yes, John, when your brother was born I actually cried. Now don't you tell another living soul I told you that. Your mother and the doctor were the only ones who knew. But I did find myself suddenly worried about everything in the world and how I would need to protect this child. It actually frightened me."

Patrick could see John listening intently and nodding at his words. He continued, "And it wasn't just with David. I felt the same after we had you, too. It might even have been stronger because then we had two little lives to take care of and be responsible for. Parenthood is a scary thing, John, I won't lie. And it's damn hard. And then you wonder if you're making mistakes and feel terrible and guilty when you realize you have."

John was amazed and perplexed at what his father was telling him. His Dad was admitting to making mistakes and that he regretted them. John wondered if he should bring up specific examples but then decided to let thing rest. Things had been going pretty well so far and he didn't want to be the one to upset the apple cart.

"I want to be the best Dad possible to Torren and it scares me that I'll probably make mistakes. I want to make sure he has the best life possible."

Patrick pushed aside his empty plate and looked at John. Maybe now was the right time to bring up that conversation he wanted to have.

"You know, John, I've been thinking about that new grandson of mine since I met him and I was wondering if maybe it wouldn't be a good thing for him to be raised in the States. I know you probably need to finish your stint where you are but I was hoping you might consider relocating back here when you're done."

John took in a deep breath. He knew this would come around eventually. His father had worded it so very nice and polite and so John felt he needed to keep his words on the same even keel.

"I don't think Teyla would want to leave her people. She grew up in that region and doesn't know anything else. And I have a very important job that I do there. I know you don't always think what I do is important, Dad, but we've made a good deal of progress in helping the locals find a better life."

Patrick kept his breathing even but could feel his stomach clench at his frustration. "But wouldn't it be a much better life for Teyla and Torren to be here instead of some place where there's always the possibility that they'll get hurt or killed? I had to live through your death once, John, and let me tell you it wasn't any fun. I hate the thought of losing you or them, especially now that I met them. And I think you need to think about your family and put them first instead of some strangers. It's nice to help others, John, I understand that, but you have a wife and child now and your first priority should be them. I'm sure if you spoke with Teyla and let her know all the advantages she would have living here, she would see it's the best thing that could happen. What mother wouldn't choose growing up in a world free of war over a place where fighting was the norm?"

John really listened to his father's words and he actually agreed with some of them. His first priority now was his wife and child. But he didn't understand about Atlantis and the Pegasus Galaxy and unfortunately John couldn't exactly tell him. He wasn't sure how to tell his Dad that staying here wasn't really an option for them. There was still too much to do on Atlantis and it was where he belonged.

He'd felt at home in the city from the moment he'd arrived and lights had begun turning on at his mere presence. He had felt the connection right away and couldn't quite describe the feeling of familiarity. He figured it was probably due to the gene but he knew it was also because it was the first place where he felt he was making a difference and doing a great job. They needed him there. He'd never felt that anywhere else.

He looked up at his father's expectant face and took a deep breath. "I understand what you're saying, Dad, and I appreciate the concern but it's where we need to be for now."

"And the safety of your wife and son aren't important to you," Patrick shot back.

John gritted his teeth and countered, "Of course they are, Dad. But who's to say they'd be any safer here. Drugs, murder, corruption, this country has its share of those things so I'm not sure you can honestly say it's safer."

"And what about family, John?" Patrick asked. "Do you plan on letting Torren know he has a grandfather or do you plan on just having him forget about me? He's so young; he'll never remember this very short visit."

"I do want him to know who you are and I think we can do that," John tried to assure him. "I'll make sure you have my e-mail address and we can arrange to send video clips back and forth. It sometimes takes a few weeks for the messages to get there but they do eventually arrive. I can't make any promises for the future, though I do hope we can manage trips back on occasion. I've got to come back in six months for evaluation of my shoulder. That'll be about Christmas. Maybe I could manage a week or so then. It's been a while since I've actually taken any leave time at Christmas so I should be able to."

John saw his father's jaw tense and his hand rub at his chest. But he managed to control himself and merely said, "Yeah, Christmas would be nice."

John sighed and closed his eyes. His father was angry, he could tell. He hated this feeling and it had been so familiar in the past. It was disappointment. He had felt it too often when he was young. His father was disappointed that John hadn't immediately caved in to his desires and wishes. John swallowed as his father remained quiet, sipping his coffee.

The waitress arrived with the check and John handed her a wad of bills and waved off any change. Patrick got up, still silent and watched as John eased out of his chair, grimacing only a bit as he jostled his shoulder.

They made their way back to the car and John felt his shoulders slump. It had been good while it lasted. As his father dug in his pocket for his keys, John made one last attempt. "I'm sorry, Dad. I know I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear but you know I've never been one just to say words to appease others."

Patrick found his keys and looked at John. His face looked almost pained. "I don't want you to just pay me lip service, John, and I didn't make the suggestion because I wanted to control you or your life. I truly want what's best for you and your new family. It hurt quite a bit when I thought I'd lost you and I realized that maybe you didn't know how much I love you, John. I've never been very good at saying that type of thing. But I do, love you, very much so and I'm sorry if I never said it enough. I find now that I have you back here I really don't want you to leave again."

John let out a breath and his eyes grew moist. "Thanks, Dad. I needed to know that."

Patrick nodded sadly and opened the door to his side of the car. John began moving around to his own side when he noticed his father hadn't gotten in. He was leaning heavily on the side of the car and breathing heavy. John kept his eyes on him nervously and when he still didn't move after a few moments, John sprinted around and touched his shoulder.

"Dad! Are you all right? What's the matter?"

Patrick didn't answer but he did glance briefly at his son and John saw his face was pasty white and his hand had moved to his chest again. John had seen him rubbing it earlier today a few times.

"Dad, why don't you sit down. Maybe we should get a doctor to take a look at you."

Patrick looked like he was about to object but just then his knees buckled and John barely caught him as he slid to the ground, gasping for breath.

"Dad! Dad!" John yelled his breath picking up with fear. He looked around and noticed a couple pausing as they walked by. "Can you call an ambulance, please?" John's voice was panicked but he managed to nod his thanks as they took out a cell phone and immediately made the call.

John cast his gaze back at his father who was leaning against the vehicle while sitting on the cold hard ground. He wished he could get him to a more comfortable location but as he examined him, he noticed his father was barely conscious. John reached for his wrist and was able to locate a pulse but was dismayed to find it slow and irregular.

"Dad, don't do this to me. Please! You need to hang on, help's on the way," John begged frantically. He kept his hand on his father's pulse and his alarm escalated when Patrick began to slide sideways and John lost the pulse.

He lowered him carefully to the ground and lowered his face to see if his father was breathing, just like they had taught them in the many CPR courses they were required to take. When he realized he wasn't, he placed his hands on his Dad's chest and began compressions. The pain in his shoulder flared back to life, stronger than ever but he didn't care. He couldn't lose his Dad now. The man had just said he loved him and John hadn't even said it back.

As his hands pushed up and down, he heard the sirens in the background signaling that help was on the way.

"Please, Dad, please, hang on. Don't do this, not now."

They'd finally had a tentative truce and John had been enjoying it, even with the little set back of a few minutes ago. That wasn't what had caused this, was it? More guilt poured into him and he kept his hands moving, listening as the sirens got closer. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgagsa

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	35. Thirty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35

Chapter 35

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John sat dejectedly in the crowded waiting room of the ER, his head cradled in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. They'd taken his Dad into one of the room about twenty minutes ago and John was completely freaked out. He couldn't lose him now, not when they were just starting to get along; or at least their version of getting along. It had taken  _him_ dying to get his Dad to ease up on his expectations of his son. Would it take his Dad dying for John to give up some control as well?

The scene at the restaurant had replayed in his mind more than a few times. The ambulance had arrived just minutes after he had started CPR and they had taken over for him. He had been urged to stand back but had still hovered nearby as the EMT's had needed to use the defibrillator when his Dad had gone into Cardiac Arrest. He swallowed hard as he remembered the jolts of electricity coursing into his Dad's chest causing his body to arc then fall again.

It had only taken once and John had seen the medical team relax slightly and start hooking up an IV as Patrick's chest had started rising and falling on its own. He had stood staring at them work, completely unaware of the couple who had called the ambulance asking him if he was all right. He thought he might have nodded at them but he honestly couldn't be sure.

He had insisted on riding in the ambulance to the hospital and had held his father's hand the whole way. But his Dad had been unconscious and he figured his father hadn't heard his words as he pleaded and begged him to hold on. He wondered if the pain in his own chest was anything compared to what his father had just experienced.

The hospital personnel had absolutely refused to allow him anywhere near the room they had brought him into and he had spent a few minutes filling them in on his father's information, or what he knew of it anyway. He had no idea who his primary care doctor was or what kind of insurance he had. They had let him use the phone and Carol had given them the information they needed. And she had promised she would give Dave the news. He expected his brother would be here very soon.

He raised his head and scanned the room, not really taking anything in, his eyes glazing over. His mind kept running over and over again when they had hit his Dad with the paddles. It had really unnerved him. He knew it shouldn't. Heck, he'd had those things used on him quite a few times, too but he'd been completely unaware at the time so the effect was different.

Although there  _was_  that time Ford had done it to release the Iratus bug from his neck. He did remember that it had hurt like hell for a second then he didn't remember anything after that. But he had felt the burn marks on his chest for a few days afterwards. He glanced toward the nurse's station and wondered when they would get him some information. He hoped it was soon.

He lowered his head into his hands again and clenched his fists into his hair. He dug the heels of his palms into his closed eyes and rubbed, thinking it would make the burning sensation go away. But it didn't. He kept the eyes closed because he knew if he opened them, they'd probably start leaking the tears he was attempting to hold in.

This was all his fault. They had been having a really pleasant conversation and he had gotten his Dad upset. Of course his Dad had gotten him upset first with his suggestion that he, Teyla and Torren should relocate to Earth. Okay, his father hadn't said Earth obviously but that was the gist of it. And he had accused John of not caring for his wife and child enough. He knew that wasn't true.

But he should have just told him he'd consider it and duked it out later when Teyla was nearby so the tension wouldn't be as bad. Teyla could ease tension better than anyone he knew. She was such a great diplomat. Maybe he should have just stayed away and not told his Dad he was alive. Except he hadn't done it, the Air Force had.

A few minutes later John heard footsteps and a presence near him so he looked up hopefully only to see that it was Dave and not a doctor. His brother looked harried and his gaze pierced into John.

"John, what happened? Carol said Dad collapsed and that he may have had a heart attack."

John stood to face his brother and he rubbed his hand over his face again. "Yeah," John's voice barely squeaked out. "We were having lunch at Bruscetti's and when we went back to the car Dad just stopped and started leaning against it. He was pale and could barely stand up. Within a few minutes he had collapsed and his pulse stopped. I had someone call for an ambulance and I started CPR. Luckily the ambulance got there quickly and they got his heart started again."

John looked back to the doorway they had brought his father through. "That was a while ago and I haven't heard anything yet."

Dave looked with concern to the front desk and then back at John. John's face was set in stone but his eyes were filled with fear and Dave knew how he felt. Actually Dave  _wasn't_ really sure how he felt since John hadn't been around much in the last few years and his relationship with their father had never been all that great.

"I'm going to go check with the desk and see if they have any new information for us," Dave announced and left John standing there alone. It only took a minute to find out that there was nothing to report yet and a doctor would be coming out as soon as they had information to share.

John had sat back down and Dave joined him on the next seat. Dave steepled his hands and rested his head on them as John ran his hands through his already untidy hair. They sat that way for a while then John cleared his throat.

"I uh … got him mad," his voice was soft and raw and Dave was unsure if he had heard correctly. He sat up a bit and said, "John."

John continued to look only at his hands. "He was angry. I didn't mean for him to …" John shook his head slightly from side to side. "He started saying if I really cared for Teyla and Torren … then I should come back here to live." He shook his head again. His voice was barely above a whisper and Dave had to lean down to hear him.

"I can't always give him what he wants … but maybe I should have …"

Dave saw what his brother was going through and rested his hand on his arm. "John, don't beat yourself up over this. Dad's been having chest pains for a while. I keep telling him to go see a doctor about it but you know how stubborn he is. He won't listen to me any more than he'll listen to you."

John looked up at his brother and his eyes wanted to be comforted by the words but were still doubtful. "Maybe I shouldn't have come back here. Maybe that would have been better."

Dave thought about that for a few seconds then shook his head. "No, John, that probably would have been worse. Dad was actually really afraid that you  _wouldn't_  want to come back and see us. He knew he'd put you through hell the last few visits and he felt really guilty about it. He regretted what happened and when he thought you were dead, it hit him pretty hard. I think if you had refused to come back here, that would have been much worse."

John was about to try and find some words but he saw a woman in a white lab coat talking to the head nurse and then she looked in their direction and headed toward them. He stood up quickly and Dave did too when he saw where John was looking.

"Is one of you Patrick Sheppard's son?"

They both nodded and Dave answered, "We both are. I'm David and this is my brother, John. Are you taking care of our Dad?"

"I was, yes," the woman replied. "I'm Dr. Anna Shelby and I've just had your father transferred to the Cardiac Care Unit on the third floor. He suffered a Myocardial Infarction, a heart attack, and will need to be monitored for a while. We're giving him an electrocardiogram and running some blood tests to see how severe the damage was. We've got him on oxygen and are giving him medications to help increase the blood flow."

"Is he gonna be okay?" John roughly questioned.

"They'll have to assess the damage first. He's being assigned a cardiologist and I believe it's Dr. Bellrieve. He's excellent and should already be upstairs monitoring the tests. If you'd like to go upstairs they can get you settled in the waiting room until your father has finished and is moved to his room."

"Is he awake?" Dave asked really desperate to know more about how his father was.

"He was still unconscious when I sent him up but he showed signs of waking so hopefully he will soon. If you take the elevator up to the third floor, the CCU is down the hall on your right."

Both men shook her hand and thanked her then headed for the elevator. Dave pulled out his cell phone and started punching in numbers. "I need to let Amy know. I called her on the way here but as I didn't have any information yet, I told her I'd call when I did."

John looked at his watch and commented, "The birthday party would be over by now, right?"

Dave nodded and replied, "Yeah, the kids were just starting to leave when I called the first time. I know …"

He stopped speaking to John and stared straight ahead and began talking into the phone. "Hi, honey, it's me. I'm at the hospital with John right now." Dave paused here and John assumed Amy was asking him something.

"We're not really sure exactly how he is. The doctor did say he'd had a heart attack but they don't know the extent of the damage yet. We're heading up to CCU right now. They're running some tests and we hopefully will be able to see him shortly."

Again another pause and now Dave looked unsure. "I could really use you here but I don't want the kids freaked out by this. And I feel bad that we were supposed to have Kristy's birthday dinner tonight. I'm not sure I'll make it back. We'll have to see how Dad is first."

Dave paused again and this time he looked at John. "Yeah, John looks like hell but he was there when it happened so I'm not sure he's out of shock yet. All right, sweetheart, I'll see you soon."

Dave hung up and they finally got onto the elevator and went up a few floors. Dave filled John in on the home front.

"Amy really wants to be here and truthfully I could use her. Honestly she's such a rock at times like this. When you were declared MIA then KIA, she got me through it. It's not like I could get support from Dad. He was having a hard enough time for both of us. And I know Amy helped him too by having him over the house so often. Teyla volunteered to keep an eye on the kids although she  _was_ worried about you. Can you handle this without her or should we try and get a sitter for the kids?"

They approached the doors of the CCU and had to buzz first. A nurse came to the door and when she knew they were family she let them in and showed them to a room they could wait in. Apparently only family was allowed and no more than two visitors at a time in the individual rooms.

John sat down and resumed his hunched position. He then answered Dave's earlier question. "If only two people can be with him at any given time then it makes no sense for Teyla to come. And it's really difficult for anyone else to watch TJ given he's still only nursing at this point."

They sat quietly again and Dave kept glancing over at John. The Sheppard men were all famous for their tight control over their emotions and John was no exception. But right now he looked so wound up Dave wondered if he'd snap. He wished he could help his brother but his own gut right now was twisted in knots and he felt fear wrap itself around his heart. Dad couldn't die! He just couldn't.

His father had always been there for him and Dave felt, hoped, that he had been around for him, too. His Dad had trained him to be who he was and had always supported him in learning the business and knowing all aspects of the job. But there was still so much left to learn. And his kids needed their grandfather. He knew that without a doubt.

Looking over at John again, Dave felt a twinge of anger and resentment race through him. John had been such a thorn in Dad's side for so many years and he knew it was a huge stressor in his father's life. Had this truly been what had caused the heart attack? But having John be declared missing then killed had put immense amounts of stress on his Dad, too.

Deep inside Dave knew that John was hardly responsible for disappearing and causing their Dad grief but a small part of him argued that if John had stayed here and worked for the company the way Dad had wanted then the stress of losing a son wouldn't have happened. He felt the anger surge inside and begin to grow. As it grew, his eyes searched for John again.

But John was still sitting hunched over and he could see his hands were clenched together but they were almost shaking. This had really affected his little brother. Memories flashed through his mind of John when they were small and several times that he had been hurt or sick and had looked up at Dave with that same pained look he was wearing now and his eyes had begged for comfort. He never would have said the words; Sheppard men didn't ask for help.

And he remembered giving his brother the support and comfort he needed. Sometimes he would just sit and read him a story or talk to him but there had been a few times that he had given him physical support by crawling into bed next to him and holding him. He'd done that a few times when their Mom had died, and they had been almost teenagers. And Dave had to admit he had done that maybe as much for himself as he had for John.

Thinking back to those times when they had truly been brothers and had helped each other out, and yes John had done his share of comfort and support, he felt the anger and resentment start dissipating. Yes, John hadn't been around for a long time but then they had both chosen their paths and Dave's just happened to be around here and John's path was a long and distant one. He could hardly blame him for that.

Dave stood and moved near his brother and placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. John glanced up and threw him a thankful smile that tried to break past the pain and hurt. Dave attempted a smile back. Neither one succeeded very convincingly.

"Um, Dad's car…" John began to stammer. "It's still in the parking lot at the restaurant. His keys … I don't know … he had them in his hands when … but I'm not really sure what happened to them." Dave could see that John was still trying to deal with what he'd witnessed and Dave knew it must be replaying in his head, tormenting him.

"Don't worry about Dad's car, John," Dave tried to reassure him. "I'll have someone go over and get it. I have extra keys in case they can't find them. You had the sedan today, right? Where's that?"

John looked up and appeared to be searching his scattered mind. "Uh, it's parked at the company, way in the back. It was the only spot I could find. We took Dad's car to the restaurant."

Dave just nodded and patted John's shoulder again. Silence returned and more minutes passed. When a middle aged man strolled purposefully in, John and Dave both jumped up and stared intently.

"I'm Dr. Edward Bellrieve. Mr. Sheppard?" the man said looking for confirmation from one of them.

They both nodded. Dave pointed to himself and said, "Mr. and he's actually Colonel. But you can call me David and he's John."

The man looked curiously at John and said, "Military? What branch?"

"Air Force," John answered quickly then asked, "How's our Dad?"

"Your father suffered a heart attack and as of right now we're still evaluating his condition. He's been in and out of consciousness and is very weak. We ran a few tests and are still examining the results. I'd like to do an Angiogram to see if there's a blockage somewhere. But I want him to be a little stronger before I do that. Right now he's still alive and that's always a positive thing. We've got him settled in a room across the hall and are hooking him up to the latest and best equipment. We'll monitor his progress and continue to run tests as we see fit. He is still very weak so I'd suggest you don't try and engage him in too much conversation. He needs to rest. But I also know that sometimes just having a family member sitting there is extremely comforting for the patient so if at all possible, it would be great for someone to sit with him until we know he's out of danger."

John and Dave both nodded vigorously indicating they understood. "When can we see him?" Dave asked anxiously.

"You can go in there now," Dr. Bellrieve said, "But remember he's pretty weak and needs rest."

John and Dave were led across the hall and cringed when they saw their usually robust father lying so still and pale in a hospital bed. He had an oxygen mask on and IV hooked up and monitors attached to his chest with all sorts of displays and screens giving vital information.

"I know it's a little daunting at first," Dr. Bellrieve admitted, "But believe me all this equipment is simply allowing us to monitor your father's condition efficiently. Everything in here is connected to the nurses' station out in the hall and we have staff manning the monitors at all times. I'll be in and out for a while and let you know when some of the test results have come back. Do you have any more questions before I make my rounds?"

John had a million questions but he knew he couldn't get a single one out coherently right now. His biggest one being was their father going to live. Dave seemed to have a similar question.

"What are his chances of survival?"

Dr. Bellrieve took a deep breath like he hated answering this question. "The fact that he survived the initial attack is a good thing but much of it will depend on how much damage was actually done to the heart. Even a mild heart attack causes permanent damage to the organ. That isn't something you can fix. But the heart is an amazing organ and can still function even with some damaged areas. But your father will have to change a few things in his lifestyle to accommodate the lesser functioning of his heart. But that's something that can be discussed once we've gotten him out of immediate danger."

Dr. Bellrieve turned to leave then paused to add, "There's a gift shop with books and newspapers and a cafeteria if you get hungry. It could be a long few days. You might want to do shifts so you don't both wear out. Are there other relatives who can take turns sitting also?"

"I'm sure our wives would do it but we've both got little ones so there are babysitting issues there," Dave informed him. "But we'll make due, don't worry. Thank you Doctor. We appreciate all your help and information."

The doctor left and John cautiously approached the bed to gaze down at his Dad. He was so pale and unmoving and it scared him. He remembered his Dad saying how frightened he was when he had first had a child but John thought he was now equally as frightened of losing his father. They'd actually managed to get along fairly well and it had been almost a week.

John saw Dave pat their father's hand and check out the machinery then take a chair on the other side of the room. John thought he had too much energy inside him to actually sit but there really wasn't anyplace to pace inside the room either.

He moved a chair close to the side of the bed and picked up his father's hand and held it tight.

"Dad, you're gonna be okay," John whispered to his unconscious father, "I know you are. You have to be. You're too damn stubborn to just give up and check out. And you need to make sure I don't screw up this parenting thing. I've screwed up so many other things in my life but this one is really important. I need you here to help me."

Dave gave a weak smile and said, "I don't think he can hear you, John."

"I know," John replied. "But like the Doc said, it may help just to know someone's here. When I was attacked by that animal I was in pretty bad shape for a few days. I was in and out of it and don't remember too much. But the one thing I do remember is knowing that Teyla was there. I could feel her presence when she held my hand and talked to me or TJ. I just want Dad to know that someone's here for him."

John squeezed his Dad's hand and hoped he could feel the pressure. But he remembered again all the fights they'd had in the past and wondered if maybe he was the wrong person to be doing this.

"Dave," John glanced apprehensively at his brother. "Maybe you should be the one to be right next to him. It's possible if I talk to Dad he'll just get worse. I don't want to make anything worse. I've caused Dad more worry and stress than anyone should have and I already feel guilty enough about that."

Dave managed a genuine smile this time. "John, Dad loves us both; and neither one of us more than the other as much as I might want him to or think he should." Dave's smile turned to a teasing grin at these words. John attempted a grin back but it was weak at best. He stroked the back of his father's hand and started up his one-sided conversation again.

A short time later, Dave got a text from Amy saying she was at the hospital but wasn't being allowed to visit at the moment. Dave looked at John and said, "I'm going to go out and see Amy and fill her in on what's happening. Then I think I'll see if I can find a newspaper or magazine to read while we're in here."

John nodded. "Maybe when you come back I can take a walk if Amy wants to come sit here for a while. I should probably call the house and make sure Teyla is okay."

"Sounds like a plan," Dave responded and left the room.

John looked out the door and could see that Amy was in the CCU waiting room. At least they had allowed her in the unit and she was close. She and Dave moved away and John turned back to continue staring at his Dad's face. At least he seemed peaceful and didn't appear to be in any pain, which was a small consolation. But he was so still and motionless, barely moving except for the slight rise and fall of his chest.

John continued to hold his hand and even laid his head down on it for a short while, trying to calm his turbulent stomach and keep it from churning his lunch and bringing it back up again. But his Dad's hand was so cold, John was afraid it meant he was slipping away from him.

As he squeezed Patrick's hand once more for reassurance, he thought he felt a tiny bit of pressure back. He sat back in his chair and watched as his father's eyes fluttered a bit then opened. They only stayed open for a few seconds then drifted shut again but John felt his heart lift at the sight.

"Dad?" John called softly and squeezed his father's hand again. "Dad, can you hear me?"

John definitely felt some pressure back on his hand this time and his father's eyes opened again and remained that way, though they were droopy with fatigue. John could see that he was trying to say something but the oxygen mask was muffling his words and making them incoherent.

John leaned in closer and laid his hand on his father's shoulder. "Dad, it's okay. You just need to relax. You're in the hospital now and they're taking good care of you. You'll be just fine but you're going to need to take it easy for a while. Don't try to talk. You need to save your strength for getting better, okay?"

Patrick seemed to relax at the sound of John's voice and John felt himself relax also, although only marginally. His Dad was still so weak and he wasn't used to seeing him this way. It terrified him. He continued to keep his eyes glued to his father's face and monitor his breathing and when his eyes opened and closed. He was definitely conscious now but he wasn't sure how cognizant he was of his surroundings or of what happened.

At one point, Patrick reached a shaky hand up and attempted to remove his oxygen mask. John tensed up and tried to keep him from succeeding but his father's voice drifted through the mask and faintly called his name.

"John."

"I'm right here, Dad," John reassure him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here."

Patrick leaned back a bit and rested on the pillow but then attempted to sit up and reach for John. John tried to ease him back down but Patrick was adamant and John started panicking that his Dad would have another heart attack and this one would be worse than the first.

"Dad, you need to relax and rest. Please, whatever you need I can get for you but you need to calm down. Please, Dad."

Patrick pulled on John's hand and John leaned in very close as his Dad cleared the gravel from his throat. "Don't leave, John. Please, stay."

"I'm right here, Dad," John repeated. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay here all night if you need me to. I won't go anywhere. I promise."

"Stay." Patrick clung on tight to John's hand and John squeezed back, hoping his father knew he would be right here.

"Don't go, John, please," Patrick's weak voice whispered through the air and John got nervous that his Dad didn't understand that he wasn't going anywhere. He just kept repeating, "Don't go."

John was right up close to his Dad's face now, assuring him he would stay and that it was okay to rest but Patrick lifted the mask briefly again and said, "Don't go back, John. Can't lose you again. Please stay."

John took a deep breath in at the realization that his father meant he didn't want him going back to the base after his rehab here was done. Oh, God! That was a bit harder to promise. How could he tell him that? Of course he needed to go back. He really didn't have a choice.

He simply nodded at his father and held his hand tightly, letting him feel his presence. He searched his father's face and all sorts of memories rushed through his mind. He had images of his father carrying him on his shoulders and trekking through the woods on a campout, building a fire together that very night.

He could feel the splashing waves of the surf on Waikiki as his father had given John his very first surf board and told him he needed to learn how to use it. And John had. And he remembered his father's face when he had ridden his first wave. It was small by wave standards but he had stayed on the whole time and his Dad's grin was almost bigger than his had been when he sloshed out of the water, triumphant.

He remembered the huge hug his Dad had given him, completely surprising him with the gesture when he had won a Math competition in Junior High. And he'd actually allowed him to choose a meal from the adult menu at the restaurant they had gone to afterwards to celebrate. And John had done it justice by making sure he finished every ounce of the steak he had ordered. His Dad had patted him on the back and told him he'd done a great job all around that night.

He recalled when his Mom had gotten sick and his father had broken the news to him and Dave. He had told them they would have to be brave and make sure they helped their Mom out. They couldn't let her know how scared they were because it would only upset her. But after she had died, he had held them both close and they had huddled together on the couch, crying and holding each other tight. His Dad had said it was okay to cry now because their Mom was in heaven and she didn't need them to be strong for her any more. Her strength now came from God.

All of the fights and arguments they'd had vanished from his memory as he looked at his Dad's face. All the good times they'd had together ran through his mind, one after the other. He even had images of his father teasing him just this past week; then sitting on the floor of the playroom with Scotty zooming cars all over the place and Patrick zooming them right back. He thought of his Dad talking so gently to Torren as he cried and needed to be calmed. And he  _had_ calmed him. At the time John had felt a little slighted that his son would respond this way to someone other than Teyla or him but he had soon come to enjoy seeing his father in such a different scenario than he remembered him.

All these images, old and new, assaulted his senses and he felt completely overwhelmed. Indecision warred inside him and combined with the guilt he always had for everything he'd ever done regarding his Dad. His eyes roamed around the room, looking for answers but finding none. They finally settled back on Patrick's anxious face that still had the mask pulled slightly down.

"Please stay, John," his father's voice seemed to be growing weaker and his eyes were misty. "I miss you too much when you're not here. Can't lose you again."

How could he tell this man he had to go back? He wouldn't lie to him, that was just wrong but he really didn't have a choice. Or did he? Yeah, Landry, O'Neill and Carter had wanted him back but in all honesty, he had quite a number of years in the service and the last few years had been incredible and he had sacrificed a lot for the expedition. Could he actually ask them to remain stateside? He might not get a position in this neighborhood but the States were still far closer than a different galaxy.

His love for his Dad and the memories that had flown through his mind warred with his desire to be in Atlantis and fighting the Wraith, making a difference there. He felt pulled apart by the battle. But as his father's grip on his hand loosened and his eyes began to close he knew he couldn't lose this, couldn't lose his father. The guilt would eat away at him until there was nothing left but a dried out shell; not dissimilar to what happened when a Wraith fed on you. He knew how painful that was. Would this be even worse as it was emotional as well as physical?

"Dad, hold on, please," John begged and placed the oxygen mask back on his face. "You need to fight this. I know you're strong enough. You can do it."

But as his Dad repeated, "Please stay, John," once again, John felt his mouth move and the words, "I will, Dad, I promise," come floating out of their own volition.

He nodded once more as he placed a kiss on his father's forehead. "You get better and I'll make sure they transfer me back here. But you need to get better, Dad, you understand. You need to fight and get better. But now you need to rest so you can do that. I promise I won't leave you. I'm gonna be right here for when you need me."

He saw Patrick sink into the pillows and John worried he was slipping away but the grip on his hand grew tighter and he could feel the fight come back into his Dad. The steely eyes grew a bit stronger and his lips turned up at the corners. "Thank you, John. I need you here. I love you, you know."

John's vision began to swim and he blinked a few times to try and clear it. "I do know, Dad. And I love you, too."

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	36. Thirty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 36

Chapter 36

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"Hey, John," Amy greeted as John walked in from his morning appointment. "How was PT today?"

John looked at her teasing, sadistic smile and grumbled, "Hell."

"But you get the next two days off, right?"

John nodded and stopped to take a deep breath. He'd love to sleep in the whole weekend but he knew he'd probably spend it at the hospital. He had spent most of the night there so Dave and Amy could still celebrate Kristy's birthday. Amy had come by in the morning while Teyla watched the kids and John had gone to rehab and Dave had gone into work. But after Dave had gone in and settled a few problems and calmed everyone the best he could regarding Dad's condition, he had gone back and relieved Amy. Teyla was the only one who hadn't done a shift but since she had just met Patrick a week ago and she was still tied to Torren for food, it wasn't feasible.

John hadn't really wanted to leave this morning but Dr. Bellrieve had come in and told him his father looked much better and the test results looked promising that the damage wasn't too severe. And he knew it was just for a few hours.

He had gone for his run first then to PT and he wanted to head back to the hospital but he knew he should talk to Teyla first. He had only seen her and Torren for a very brief time this morning as he changed to go for his run. And he wasn't sure how awake he'd been since he had only cat napped during the night near his father's bedside.

But he also thought his Dad's color and breathing looked better this morning so he decided to take a few extra minutes. He needed to tell Teyla what he had promised his father last night. He knew it was in the heat of the moment when he was trying to keep his father from slipping away but it didn't mean he shouldn't keep that promise and he wanted to see what Teyla thought of it. Would she be pissed that he had made that decision without talking to her? God, he hoped not but would she want to stay on Earth or go back to her people? And would she take Torren with her? He couldn't handle being away from his child or Teyla? He was a mess.

He jumped in the shower quick and came out just as Teyla was putting TJ in for his nap. John gave him a quick kiss and then went back to the kitchen where Amy was feeding the kids lunch.

"Do you think you could listen for TJ while Teyla and I take a few minutes to talk?" he asked his sister-in-law as she poured a few glasses of milk and set them on the table.

"Of course, John," she assured him looking concerned. "Take all the time you need."

He loved that she didn't ask what the talk was about. Amy had never been the busybody type and he knew some of her Country Club friends hated that she wouldn't dish out gossip like they wanted. But it moved her up a notch in his book. And he knew it was one of the reasons Dave had fallen in love with her. He hated gossip just as much.

"Thanks," he threw back at her and intercepted Teyla on her way to the kitchen and steered her out to the back yard and past the pool. She looked at him strangely as they walked toward the corral.

"John, is everything all right? Your father is not worse is he?"

"No, he actually seemed a little stronger this morning. But I need to tell you something." He turned and leaned his forearms against the fence and took a deep breath. He rotated and leaned back against the railing.

"Last night he was very weak and kept insisting I stay with him and not leave. I told him I wouldn't and that I'd stay all night if he needed me. He kept repeating that over and over until I realized … he didn't want me going back to Atlantis."

John tried for a crooked grin but the pain slipped through. "Obviously he didn't say Atlantis but he meant back to where I was stationed. I didn't know what to do, Teyla. He was getting so agitated and all I kept remembering were all the good times we'd had when I was little and all the great things we actually had done together. I never realized there were so many good memories stored inside, not since most of them in the last twenty years have been pretty crappy. But then this past week, … we started to connect again, almost like when I was younger. I didn't actually think it was possible after everything that's happened in the past."

John stopped to take a deep breath and noticed Teyla was just standing still listening intently. Her expression was neutral and he wished he could get some sort of indication of what she was thinking. Of course he hadn't really divulged what he had done yet.

"He seemed like he was getting weaker and more upset," John continued, "and so I promised him … that I'd ask to be … transferred back to the States."

John trained his eyes on Teyla but she showed nothing more than a raised eyebrow at his revelation. He rushed to finish. "I know it was something I should have talked to you about first … but I couldn't stand seeing him so upset and weak and I really did want to stay with him back here. Now I don't know. I feel like I'm being ripped in two. But I made a promise to him and I need to keep it."

John took one more deep breath and looked into Teyla's eyes. "Now I need to know what you want. Because you and Torren are the most important people in my life but I love my Dad, Teyla, and I made him a promise and I don't want to break it but I also know I can't live without you and our son, either."

Teyla remained silent for a few moments then she moved forward and lifted her hand to touch John's face. She could see the pain John was in and did not wish to cause him more. The thought of not going back to be with her people was painful for her as well but she was unsure exactly what Patrick had asked or if he would expect John to keep a promise made in that type of heated situation. For now she would give John the support that she sensed he needed. They still had two more weeks here and much could happen in that time. And she also knew that they had survived on Dimitta away from all they knew for a year and even though it had been difficult, they had been there for each other; and they would be again, no matter what.

"It was a difficult choice for you, John, and I am sorry that it caused you pain in making it but my decision is very easy. I am your wife and Torren is your son and our place is with you whether it be on New Athos, Dimitta, Atlantis or here on Earth. We shall be by your side whatever you choose to be your home. For with you, we _are_ home."

John thought he would collapse with relief when he heard her words. He reached for her and pulled her close, his face buried deep in her hair. Teyla could hear his breath moving in and out in deep shuddering sighs of relief. She held him tight and allowed him to gain strength from her embrace. She knew this had not been easy on John and she wished to ease some of his burden.

He inched back and touched her face lovingly, his eyes filled with affection and adoration. "You are so incredible, Teyla. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. Whatever it was, it must have pretty damned good. I wish I could remember it."

He lowered his head and touched her lips sweetly and whispered. "God, I love you!"

An impish smile touched Teyla's lips. "I love you more."

John pulled her in for an even more passionate kiss. "But I love you the most."

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John peeked in the door to his father's hospital room and saw that his eyes were closed. He just stood there for a few minutes watching him, feeling completely useless. In his job he could make a plan, give orders and take action but here, he was at the mercy of something much higher. He had spoken with Dave a short while ago and his brother had reassured him that their father was feeling much stronger today.

Dave had needed to leave to go back to work for a while but had told John that their Dad hadn't expected anyone to babysit him all day. John had felt obligated to go anyway; he had wanted to convince himself that his Dad would be okay. He had managed a few hours with Teyla and TJ once his son had woken up from his nap and came a little after.

"Don't just stand there, John, come in," Patrick ordered and John smiled when he heard the voice of his father. It was _much_ stronger than yesterday.

"I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not and I didn't want to disturb you."

"What else do I have to do here?" Patrick complained and John knew his father was definitely getting better if he could start bellyaching over being bored.

"I didn't want to get in the way if you were trying to hit on any of the nurses," John quipped and he saw his father grimace when he laughed.

John moved swiftly to the bed and sat on the edge. "Are you all right, Dad? Where's the pain?"

"I'm fine, John," Patrick insisted and John realized how annoying those words could be when someone else was saying them and you knew they weren't true. Maybe he'd have to rethink using them so often.

"Just a little twinge when I laugh, nothing serious. And I've got some minor burns from when they zapped me with that machine."

John grimaced then smirked. "Yeah, I know that feeling."

Patrick narrowed his eyes and asked, "When did you ever need your heart restarted? You're much too young for that? What happened?"

John scrunched up his eyes at his mistake and lied. "Nothing you need to worry about, Dad. I obviously survived. We need to worry about you now."

John knew the last thing he could do was tell him that he'd had a funky alien bug attached to his neck that had been sucking the life out of him. Or the fact that they had used the defibrillator to _stop_ his heart and then had needed to use it five or six times before it would start up again. Yeah, not what you told a man who had just had a heart attack.

"I'm feeling a lot better today," Patrick claimed even though John thought he still looked very weak and tired. "I keep trying to tell them they can let me go home but it's not working."

"They just want to make sure everything's okay, Dad. You had a heart attack and that's not something to just brush off lightly. You very nearly gave _me_ a heart attack in the process."

John glanced away for a second then reached down and patted his father's hand. "You really scared me, Dad. I thought I was gonna lose you. And we were just getting along so well." John gave a crooked smile at these last words.

Patrick grasped John's hand that was touching his and squeezed lightly. "I'm sorry about that, John. I really am."

John shook his head and chuckled, "I didn't think you did it on purpose. I figure you would have chosen a much more comfortable spot then the concrete parking lot."

"Probably," Patrick chuckled back and then closed his eyes for a second. "Not sure if your brother told you but they want to do a procedure called an angiogram tomorrow. I tried to talk them out of it since it's a Saturday but the Doc said it's important to see if there's any blockage in my arteries."

John nodded. "Dave mentioned it briefly. Are you nervous about it?" John had a hard time picturing his father nervous about anything.

"Not really," Patrick answered but John could see that perhaps he was a little. "Although I'm not crazy about where they plan on sticking this catheter thing that's supposed to go all the way to my heart to see what's going on there. They inject some dye, I guess and can see if there's any blockage."

John patted his father's hand again and tried for a comforting smile. "It'll be okay, Dad, you'll see."

Patrick seemed uneasy although he tried to remain gruff. But when he saw his youngest son's concerned face he admitted a bit of what he was feeling. "But what if there is a blockage, John?" his voice was a bit unsteady. "That could mean open heart surgery and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

John took a deep breath in at that thought and let it out slow and shaky. He didn't like the idea of someone cutting into his father's chest and playing around with his heart either. And he so wasn't used to this new side of his Dad that actually admitted to fear. He hoped he could help a bit.

"You know I'm not going anywhere, Dad, regardless of what happens," John swallowed deeply and reminded him. "I told you I'd stick around and I meant it."

Patrick scrutinized his son's face and could tell John was telling him the truth. John never was a very good liar. "You know I thought I remembered you making the promise to leave the Air Force and come back here but I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it."

John's eyes grew intense. "I never said I'd leave the Air Force, Dad, but I did say I'd ask for a transfer back to the States. I'm not sure where they'll place me. But I do have a good number of years under my belt and I've done some pretty good stuff the last few years so maybe I'll have a few choices."

John saw his father immediately relax and his whole demeanor perked up. He supposed that was worth every little sacrifice he was making. But he had to think positive and remember the good things about this.

"I talked to Teyla at lunchtime today," John informed his father. "I told her what I'd promised you." John's mouth twisted at the fear he'd felt that she would insist on going back. He swallowed the huge lump he felt in his throat when he thought of Teyla leaving and taking Torren.

Patrick saw the indecision on John's face and hoped this hadn't put a strain on their relationship. _That_ he couldn't live with.

"You know, Dad, she is the most amazing woman ever. I know I said that before but it still astounds me every time I think of her."

"What did she say?" Patrick asked but by John's words he figured it was something good.

"She said that wherever I chose would be fine because with me, she _is_ home."

Patrick smiled at Teyla's words. John was right; she was an amazing woman. But he also smiled and tried not to feel too smug because he had finally gotten his son to give in and see things his way. It had just taken him almost dying to do it. He had wanted him to come back home for so long and he had finally won.

Well, maybe he hadn't won since John wasn't planning on leaving the Air Force but at least he would be so much closer. And maybe in a few years he might very well decide to leave the military and come work for the company. But Patrick didn't really care about that now. It would be nice but he really just wanted his son close enough to talk to and see regularly. Being in the States would make that happen. He had enough money and a private plane and a slew of houses scattered around this country that they should be able to get together fairly often. And that thought was a huge relief.

Patrick wanted to make some suggestions to John of all the places he could bring Teyla and show her but decided to leave the subject alone for now. John had made a promise and Patrick was pretty sure he would keep it but he didn't want to push his luck. It wasn't all that great right now.

He pointed to the table by the bed and suggested, "Why don't you grab the deck of cards the nurse put in there earlier and we can play Gin Rummy. I seem to remember you were pretty good at the game when you were a kid."

John got the cards and pulled the rolling table across his father's lap. He looked carefully to try and gauge his father's condition better and knew he looked tired. "Are you sure, Dad? You're still kind of pale."

"I've been sleeping the last few hours while your brother read the paper. If my brain doesn't get some sort of stimulation I'll probably lapse into a coma. Now deal the cards."

John chuckled and grabbed a chair to sit next to the bed then started passing out the cards. Patrick scooped them up and John noticed his hands weren't completely steady. But he'd be damned if he'd say anything. He knew his father would deny any weakness and he suddenly remembered Teyla saying that he was just like that. Man, he was like his father more than he ever wanted to admit.

They drew cards and placed them down and Patrick began telling John about some of his other relatives and what they had been up to. They didn't have anyone else immediate but there were some cousins scattered about and John found it interesting to hear what they had been doing. It had been a long time since he had thought of any of these people.

Several nurses came and went quite frequently and John worried that something was wrong but after the young redhead had checked his blood pressure three times in an hour and adjusted the leads to his monitor a few times, Patrick couldn't help but chuckle.

"You know, John, you really should think about getting a wedding band. Maybe I could actually get a little privacy in here."

John looked confused. "What are you talking about, Dad?"

"The little redhead, Vanessa, she must not realize you're married. I think she wants an introduction. She is awfully cute."

"Then maybe you should ask her out, Dad," John kidded. "It would probably get that ol' heart ticking quite rapidly again."

"Oh, no," Patrick said and held up his hands. "Someone that young would probably kill me. I'll leave the romancing to you young ones." Patrick chuckled and a smirk grew on his face. "David told me about your leaving the hot tub intercom on by accident."

John's head dropped into his hands and he groaned. "He did _not_ tell you that. God, that was just too embarrassing."

"John, don't ever be embarrassed about having a desire for your wife. That's part of a strong marriage. Besides David was very thankful and he told me it had gotten Amy all hot and bothered and he ended up reaping the rewards that night."

John cracked up at that and shook his head. "Well, I'm glad we could help. I'll tell you, between Teyla just having a baby and then my getting injured and us still having a new infant, that hot tub scene hasn't happened as much as I'd like. But with Teyla, I'm just so thankful to have her in my life, I don't even care."

"It'll get better, John," Patrick assured him. "Once you get the little guy sleeping a little more it will free some more time for you to be together. You'll both probably still be tired from raising a child but it's worth it. And I can already tell you're a great parent, John. I'm proud of you. I hope you know that."

"Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate it," John said as he drew another card. He shuffled the cards in his hand and pulled one out. "But maybe you won't be after this." And he laid his cards down on the table and said, "Gin."

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"How was Dad feeling when you left?" Dave asked John as he moved through the kitchen getting a small snack before he went to bed. It was well past eleven but Dave was still up, waiting for John to come back most likely. John poured himself a glass of milk, threw some cheese and crackers on a plate, and moved to sit at the kitchen table. Dave joined him.

"He fell asleep about an hour ago. I'm hoping he'll sleep through the night." John laughed. "I sound like I'm talking about TJ."

He put a slice of cheese on a cracker and took a bite. "He seemed okay most of the night but then you know Dad, he isn't one for making people feel bad for him or complaining about not feeling well. But honestly Dave, I think he's more than a little nervous about this procedure tomorrow."

Dave nodded. "I talked to Dr. Bellrieve quite extensively about it this afternoon when I was there and he assures me it's quite safe. Dad'll have a little discomfort afterwards but complications are rare."

"I don't think it's the procedure itself Dad is nervous about," John reported. "I think he's worried about the results. He's afraid they'll find a whole bunch of clogged arteries and he'll end up having bypass surgery."

"Oh," Dave said and John could tell he was thinking about something specific. "His friend Artie had a triple bypass a few months ago and had some complications and ended up dying the day after surgery. I suppose that could make Dad a little anxious."

"Yeah," John breathed out. "I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better."

Dave lifted his head and stared at his brother. "Are you kidding me, John? You told Dad you'd transfer back to the States. He was ready to flip some cartwheels when he told me about that. I actually thought he had imagined it but he assured me you did."

John hung his head and closed his eyes. He was still having a hard time dealing with that. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to get put together again after being ripped apart by the decision. Having Teyla be okay with it had made it a little easier but when he thought of the promises he'd made to the people of Dimitta to come back and visit, he felt terrible. Maybe the SGC would allow him to go back to pack up his things and he could take a quick run out there before he came back to Earth for good.

Dave saw John's reaction and sighed. "You don't really want to do that though, do you?"

John threw the last cracker in his mouth and washed it down with the last few sips of milk. "It doesn't really matter, Dave, I promised Dad I would and I'm not about to go back on my word."

"John," Dave called out to him as he rose from the table and deposited his plate and glass in the sink. John turned to look at him.

"No, Dave, I've been a thorn in Dad's side for my whole life. There is no way I'm gonna be the one who causes him to die. I could never live with myself if that happened."

Dave started to call out to his brother again but could see the determined set of John's eyes and jaw, so like their father's and knew maybe now wasn't the time. John would be here for at least another two weeks. There was plenty of time for soul searching and discussions later. For now they both needed their rest because Dad would need both his sons with him tomorrow for moral support.

John walked down the hall and spent a few minutes cleaning up in the bathroom before quietly letting himself into the guest room. Teyla and TJ were already asleep and he moved around getting ready by the light of the moon slanting through the sliding glass door. Once he had stripped to his boxers, he took a few minutes to stand near the open slider and inhale the sweet summer breeze. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad living here on Earth. At least he wouldn't have to worry about the Wraith dropping by to have a late night snack; unless of course the people on Atlantis screwed up and somehow gave up the location of Earth.

He felt the weight begin to drag on his shoulders again but was distracted by the sound of Torren making little noises in his crib. John tiptoed over to watch as his son squirmed around trying to get comfortable. He knew TJ wiggled a lot in his sleep and he would eventually settle down but John suddenly felt the need to hold his son in his arms.

He leaned down and gently slid his hands under TJ's body and lifted smoothly. He cradled him in the crook of his arm and walked over to recline against the pillows next to Teyla's dozing form. He looked down and saw TJ's eyes open a bit and he whispered softly to him, nothing in particular, just words of assurance and love.

As his son's eyes closed again, John placed the child on his chest, his hands resting lightly on his back. TJ's hand clenched and unclenched and John winced as he caught a handful of chest hair but soon the baby was clearly asleep again and his hands relaxed. But John didn't want to let him go, not just yet.

He kept thinking about his relationship with his Dad and how much better it had been this week. And then he thought about Torren and the type of relationship he wanted to have with him. Could he continue to have the more comfortable relationship with his father if he stayed in this country? Would he eventually resent that he had given up being on Atlantis to appease his Dad? Or would he be so thrilled with having Teyla and TJ with him and enjoy all the amenities this place had to offer?

He was so involved in his thoughts he didn't notice Teyla stir and prop herself on her elbow to gaze at him, her eyes still fatigued.

"I am sorry, John," she said as she noticed the baby resting on him. "I did not hear him fuss. Do you need me to take him?"

John lifted his left arm and looped it around Teyla's shoulder and pulled her in close to him. "No, sweetie, he didn't fuss. He was just squirming around and I thought I'd hold him for a while. I haven't had a chance to see him much the past two days. I miss holding him. And you."

Teyla snuggled up next to his body and laid her hand on their son's back also. "I have missed having you to hold as well. But Amy has been quite welcoming and I have very much enjoyed Scotty and Kristy. They have kept my mind occupied and have taken to Torren quite nicely. They wish to hold and play with him often and it has been a very pleasant treat to have the children keep him busy while I do other things. And I do love the infant seat that we purchased. I know I should not be so materialistic but it has been extremely useful in so many ways."

John leaned his head down and planted a kiss in her hair. "I'm glad, Teyla. I want to make things as easy for you as possible. And you know living here on Earth will have even more advantages; too many to go into right now. And I'm sure my Dad plans on spoiling his new grandson something terrible as soon as he gets out of the hospital."

"Have they indicated when that will be?"

John shrugged. "It'll depend on what they find tomorrow with the angiogram. I know he's a little freaked out that they'll find something bad and need to do some major surgery. I hope it doesn't come to that."

"Whatever it comes to, John, you will be here for him, to give him your support and love. And I know that will help him to heal in many ways. He does love you, John. I could see that in the way he looks at you and speaks to you. I know you have had your differences in the past but in time you will both hopefully move past that to a much better understanding of your feelings for the other."

"Thanks, Teyla, how'd you get so wise?"

Teyla smiled and revealed, "There were times I did not get along with my mother or father, stubborn as I was, however I knew if I wanted to have the wisdom I saw in them, I must also listen to their advice. I learned much that way. I hope our son will gain wisdom from his parents. And he will have the benefit of having other relatives such as your brother and father to also help him grow in knowledge. He will be many times blessed. As we are to have each other."

John thought about how blessed they were. They'd gone through so much in the past year but they had managed to survive fairly unharmed. They had also gained so much, like their love and commitment to each other and of course the miracle of their son.

John kissed her upturned lips and whispered, "You can say that again Teyla."

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga


	37. Thirty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 37

Chapter 37

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"Teyla, John, it's about time you brought my handsome grandson to come visit me," Patrick called out as the little family walked into his hospital room.

John took note and saw that his Dad looked better today. His color was much improved and he didn't look quite so tired. Much of that, he was sure, was from knowing he didn't need surgery after all. They had been able to give them preliminary reports from the angiogram right away and had discovered there were no full blockages in Patrick's arteries. However they were narrowing and he would need some definite changes in his lifestyle to keep them from becoming fully blocked. He knew his Dad was extremely relieved. He had to admit he was, too.

He and Dave had both paced anxiously around the waiting room during the procedure but had remained silent for the most part. Sometimes John wished he could talk to his brother a little easier like how he could talk to Teyla. She was so great at listening to him, although he knew he still didn't verbalize half of what he was thinking even with her. She usually had to pull it out of him. But he knew he usually felt better when she did. But with Dave, he still felt awkward with personal things.

They had kept Patrick in CCU for a few more days then moved him to the regular hospital ward yesterday with his improved condition. John knew he had wanted to see Torren, so today after his PT, he had picked up Teyla and the baby and brought them along. He was glad to see them, too, as he had spent quite a bit of his time lately in the hospital with his Dad.

But he hadn't needed to stay overnight like he had the first few days and so he had been able to hold Teyla while they slept. And since TJ was sleeping so much better these days and his shoulder was finally moving without constant agony, he and Teyla might finally get a chance to do more than pass out when they hit the bed at night. Things were definitely looking up.

He wondered where they might end up and had been thinking about that a lot lately. He knew a big possibility was Colorado. He figured with his knowledge of the Stargate it would be a suitable placement. But it also meant a demotion in status. He had been Military Commander of a huge city and if he went to work at the SGC his best possible position would be team leader for an off-world team. He'd done that before.

Not that it hadn't been a blast but he knew Rodney and Ronon would still be in Pegasus and he wasn't sure what they would do with Teyla. He wasn't sure she would want to just hang around the house all day taking care of a baby but he also didn't want to put such a young child in daycare all day either. Being on Atlantis, they had many different options that included having the baby with them on occasion or at least with good friends they could trust.

He looked over to where his father was resting with Torren in his arms and Teyla was sitting on the edge of the bed talking to him. John was glad to see that his father truly did seem to like Teyla. That was hugely important to him. But then he didn't imagine too many people not liking Teyla. She was just too nice and sweet.

"You know, John," Patrick said, glancing at his son, "the doctor said they'll probably let me out of here on Thursday. I can tell you I'm more than ready."

"That's the day after tomorrow, Dad. Are you sure you're okay enough to go home?"

"Of course I am," Patrick insisted. "I feel well enough to go home right now if they would just let me. Over cautious zealots, the lot of them. They should have let me out of here days ago."

Teyla chuckled and both men looked at her puzzled. "It seems you are both very alike in resisting the advice of medical personnel."

At Patrick's wide eyes, Teyla leaned over and confided, "John has a tendency to escape from the infirmary much earlier than is required of his injuries. Dr. Keller often finds sedation to be the only solution to that dilemma."

John rolled his eyes at her words but didn't defend himself. He knew it was true and he did understand his father's frustration but he also worried about his Dad being by himself in his apartment in case something else happened. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't been there when his Dad had collapsed. Would he have survived? He didn't think so as John had needed to perform CPR to keep his heart going. That thought frightened him more than anything.

"You know, Dad, I was talking to Dr. Bellrieve yesterday and he told me you should have someone stay with you for at least a week or more once you get released. He thinks you'll still be pretty weak and he also seemed to think that you might try and do more than you should. I have a tendency to agree with him. Dave and I were discussing that maybe it would be a good idea for you to come back to his house and stay in the other guest room on the first floor. There'll be people around to help you in case you need it."

"I don't need any help," Patrick grouched. "I'm a grown man and I can take care of myself."

"Okay, Dad, but Dr. Bellrieve said that if you didn't have someone nearby then he'd have to keep you here for another week or so, just to be cautious." John had actually made that up but his Dad didn't need to know that and if it got him to stay at Dave's then it was worth the little white lie.

He saw his father's mind going through the choices and knew he'd choose Dave's house. And sure enough he sighed and conceded, "Fine, but I don't want any of you fawning all over me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Perhaps you could help me learn more about your country," Teyla suggested. "I am very interested and would love to have someone of your experience assist me in my quest for knowledge."

Patrick grasped Torren tighter in one arm and reached his free hand out to pat Teyla's. "I would be happy to share my knowledge with you, Teyla. At least being nearby I'll be able to get to know you better and Torren, also."

"I am sure we will have much time to become better acquainted in the future. I look forward to spending time with you. It has been many days since I had my own parents to seek advice from."

Patrick sighed again but this time because he just really loved listening to Teyla talk. It was so elegant and regal and he could imagine she was an incredible diplomat and negotiator. Maybe he'd have to train her to work for the company and she could help in his bargaining agreements and mergers. That is if John was stationed close enough.

"John," Patrick decided to test the waters. "Have they given you any idea where they might station you once your PT is done?"

"No, I um, … haven't really told them yet." John looked apologetic. "Sorry, it's been a bit hectic with you being in here and trying to do my PT and trying to find time to spend with TJ and Teyla. I'll get right on that though."

"Understandable, John," Patrick told him and smiled down at the baby in his lap. But he kept his peripheral vision glued to his son's face and noticed John didn't really seem thrilled with what he'd just said. Was he unhappy about coming back? Did he think they would start fighting again? Patrick knew he couldn't guarantee that he'd never get mad at John. The man was quite stubborn at times. He chuckled inwardly knowing John came by that honestly.

He wanted John to be happy and he truly believed that being closer to his family would bring him that happiness. Family was important and Patrick wanted John to believe that too. And now that he had a son, he thought John was a little closer to understanding. He hoped he was anyway.

"Dad," Teyla tested out the strange word on her tongue as she looked at her father-in-law. "John has asked for us to exchange vows that are legal in this country and I was wondering if you would be able to assist us in making the arrangements as well. I know Amy has offered to help me find a dress and flowers but John has said you may have connections in procuring the proper legal documents for this ceremony."

Patrick nodded his head. "I know a few people that I can talk to. John said you have temporary identification from the Air Force and that should make it easier. When do you want to do this?"

Teyla gazed up at John and John shrugged. "I don't know. You'll be in here until Thursday so maybe sometime later next week. I should be close to the end of my Physical Therapy by then. If it's a weekday we might have to try and entice Dave to take a day off. I'm not sure that's gonna fly, though. I heard his boss is a real SOB."

Patrick snorted at John's comment and just shook his head. "I may have a little pull with him, too. I can give it a try anyway," he teased and John saw that old sparkle again, the one he was really getting comfortable with.

"I can even see if Father Dunnigan will come and bless the vows. He came to visit me yesterday and I told him about you and Teyla. He was interested to meet her and see you again, John."

"Father Dunnigan, he must be almost eighty. Is he still around?"

"He's retired now," Patrick informed him. "But he stays in the rectory much of the time and helps out when another priest is away. We've played golf a few times and he's actually still very good. And he's only seventy-four."

John chuckled at the thought of  _only_  being seventy-four. He was getting nervous about forty coming around the corner. Torren must not have liked that either because he started to cry and as much as Patrick tried to calm him, he still cried.

"Why don't you let me walk him around the hallways, away from the patient rooms and see if I can calm him down," John suggested and picked up his son from his father's arms. The baby still wailed and John checked his diaper but it was still dry. He also knew Teyla had just fed him before they had come, he shouldn't be hungry.

Patrick watched as John walked out of the room and smiled at Teyla who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. He patted her hand again a few times.

"I'm glad John has you, Teyla, you are a breath of fresh air. And I know he appreciates what he has, too."

"As I appreciate the gift I have in John and our son. I had never given much thought to becoming a mother but when this little surprise occurred and John indicated how excited he was at the prospect, I too embraced the event."

Teyla tilted her head and wondered how much she could say to this man. He was John's father but he was also the cause of much of the pain John had endured during her pregnancy as he wondered if he would be a good father. At the least she thought he should know how much John had thought of him while they had been stranded.

"John is a very private man and has always kept himself hidden from others. I did not realize John had any family still living before we became lost. Once we learned we would become parents, John began to open up and tell me of you and Dave. He spoke of his regret at the distance and tension between you and wished he could see you again to try and regain the relationship you had when he was younger."

Teyla saw Patrick's eyes close briefly but before they did, she saw the pain he tried to hide. When he opened them again, his grief was better hidden. He took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I understand the regret. I can tell you I suffered quite a bit of it myself when I found out John was missing and then even more when they told me he was dead. It made me realize I had been a bit hard on John, maybe had my expectations of him wrong. But I so wanted John to live here and work with me in the business. John is very intelligent and I think he would have been an amazing asset to the company."

"I am certain of that as well," Teyla replied. "John is quite knowledgeable in many areas but I know John is one who lives to serve others. It is what he does. It is  _who_  he is. And he receives much satisfaction in this mission and is very dedicated to it. I have felt proud and fortunate to be able to work with him as he gives of himself to so many others."

Patrick looked thoughtful for a few moments then responded, "I'm proud of him for that, too. And I've finally given up the thought of him coming to work for the company. I'm just happy he'll be closer and I can get to see him more often. I'm sure John will feel good about whatever they give him to do back here, too, right?"

Teyla merely smiled but did not answer right away. She knew John would be unfulfilled if he did not have the responsibility that he had recently been in charge of on Atlantis. But she also knew he had adjusted to the quieter life on Dimitta when it was forced upon them. He had seemed happy enough. She hoped he would be here as well. They were not stranded but he had given his word to his father and John was a man who did not promise things lightly.

"John has made a pledge to you to return and be closer to his childhood home. I know he is a man of his word. He will not go back on his vow. Torren and I will be here as well and I know that will be beneficial in helping John adjust to what will be a challenging situation. But John will certainly survive. That also is who he is."

Patrick thought about what Teyla had said. If he read between the lines, she was saying that John wasn't really happy about sticking around but he would because he had promised. He'd never stuck around before but then he had never said he would before either, no matter how many times Patrick had tried to talk him into it. Although talk was maybe not the right word to use. Many times it had been yelling and loud arguments, talking hadn't really been the norm.

But now John had a wife and child who he was responsible for. That should change some things. He hoped so. John would come to see that living back in the States was much better than some hole in the wall war zone, he knew he would. He looked again at Teyla's serene but neutrally expressive face and really hoped he was right. He couldn't live with himself if he was the cause of John being miserable.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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"Is there anything else I can get you, Dad?" Amy asked as Patrick sat around the pool under the shade of the umbrella.

"I'm fine, Amy, thank you. What else could I possibly need? I have my family all around me," he indicated John, David, Teyla and the kids all in or near the pool, "and an ice cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade sitting right beside me."

He winked at Amy as she grinned because he knew as much as she did that the lemonade was frozen from a can as he had seen her make it just this afternoon. But fresh squeezed or not, he was fairly content. He still didn't like the fact that he had pretty much been blackmailed into staying here for the past few days but the alternative of still being in the hospital or at his apartment by himself was not very appealing either.

At least he got to see his grandchildren even though he was restricted from playing on the ground with them and running after them as he sometimes did. But watching them scurry around the deck and jump into the water was also satisfying. He did love his grandchildren and he loved watching their parents interact with them, too.

He had been that kind of parent when John and Dave had been younger but then his father had died leaving him the business and he had needed to spend more time at the company. He knew that was when he had started losing John. And shortly after that his wife had died and John had just slipped even further away. He couldn't concentrate on building up the business and figuring out how to connect with his youngest son at the same time. But now he knew he should have tried harder.

He watched as David patiently taught Scotty how to dive in from the deep end. He knew Scotty had mastered swimming under water last summer but now he was ready for the next step. John, on the other hand, was definitely behind his brother in that area. He had TJ in his hands and kept dipping him lower in the water. The baby would squeal for a second then splash his hands in the water and kick his feet getting his father all wet.

Teyla seemed a bit shyer than the others when it came to the water and he remembered John telling him that Teyla's people didn't really swim recreationally. But he had tried teaching her while they had been stranded as there had been plenty of water there. Patrick thought she still looked apprehensive and quite content to just float in the shallow end watching John swirl the infant in the water. He was definitely looking forward to having John much closer than he had been in a very long time.

John looked up on the deck and noticed his father smiling at him as he and Torren played in the pool. He wanted the baby to know and enjoy the sensation of swimming. Maybe if they were someplace near an ocean he could even teach him how to surf. Although seeing the uncontrolled hand and feet movements of his son right now, he knew it would be a while before he was able to do that. It was okay though, he didn't want to wish his son's life away; he could wait for him to grow up.

His father seemed happy where he was. John had wondered how he would be after being basically forced to stay here. He knew his Dad didn't like anyone else having control over him but he appeared to be taking it in stride. But he also knew his Dad wasn't quite back to where he had been before the heart attack. The doctor had said it could take a while not to mention that the damage done to the heart would definitely change Patrick's ability to do certain things.

John knew his father would have to start exercising a bit more and eating better and he hoped he could be trusted to take the medication he was now on. Maybe it was a good thing he would be closer as he knew his Dad might not want to follow the doctor's orders as closely as he needed to. John knew all the little tricks of getting away with what you could when you were recovering. He figured his father did too.

He then thought about what he was going to say when he finally contacted the SGC. He hadn't yet and he didn't know why. Well, maybe he did. He didn't really want to do it so he was putting it off as long as possible. He did that with his paperwork at times hoping Lorne would just take notice and finish it for him. But Lorne wasn't here and this wasn't something he could do for him anyway.

He started thinking of all his friends, on Atlantis as well as Dimitta, and began to get a little depressed. He had missed Rodney and Ronon and many of the others over the year he had been missing. He had only been able to spend a week with them before he had been ordered back to Earth. He figured they weren't as affected by it as he and Teyla had been gone for a while and having them gone again was probably just typical now. He sighed when he realized it would be typical again.

"John, is everything all right?" Teyla asked as she glided through the clear liquid and touched his arm with her hand. "You seem very distant all of a sudden."

John glanced quickly at his Dad then turned back to Teyla. "Just thinking of Ronon and Rodney. Wondering what they were doing. Probably not hanging out in a pool."

Teyla smiled at his thoughts and replied, "No, it is doubtful that is what they are doing. But I am sure they are fine. They are strong as we are and able to take care of themselves. However Torren is not and he appears to be ready to sleep. Perhaps we should put him down."

John looked at the baby in his arms and sure enough he could see TJ's eyes blinking and closing even though he attempted to keep them open. Apparently the water had soothed him into sleeping. John moved out of the pool instructing Teyla to stay in and enjoy it.

She laughed at the thought but watched as John changed the child quickly into a dry diaper and slipped him snugly into his infant carrier. He didn't bother to put anything else on him as it was an extremely warm day. Patrick offered to keep his eye on him and John moved the seat closer to his Dad and draped a towel over the handle he had moved up to keep the sun off the child. He then dove into the water and swam right over to Teyla.

John came up right beside Teyla and opened his eyes under water to enjoy the sight of her in the conservative two piece suit. It had boy cut shorts and a tank style top that fit so nicely against her curves. As he broke the surface he noticed that Amy had entered the water also and she was twirling Kristy around in the shallow end.

John grabbed Teyla around the waist and gave a tug into deeper water until her feet left the floor of the pool and she had wrapped her arms around his neck in fear.

"John," she chastised though not very loudly. "You know I am unable to swim very well, especially in water above my head."

"I know," John grinned. "But I do love it when you actually need me for something. Most of the time you're so self-sufficient that I feel almost useless around you. But I'm sure if I let go, you'd still manage to get back to the shallow end on your own. You did pretty well the last time we were in the water together."

John felt Teyla shiver in his arms and he knew she was thinking about the last time they had been swimming together and what they had done. Her eyes told him this with the flash of desire they threw his way. That was enough to send his blood flowing to the region that had been affected last time as well.

Teyla felt his reaction and tightened her grip as she wrapped her legs around his waist, wriggling as she did. John took a quick intake of breath and slipped under the water a bit before he was able to get his legs moving again to keep them both up. He loved the impish look she threw him when that happened.

"Are you recalling what you did last time, John?" Teyla whispered in his ear as her hands ran over his back and through his hair. Her hips moved again and John swam to the edge of the pool and held on with one hand as he pressed his body further into Teyla's.

"You're asking for it, woman, you know that don't you?" John warned her, his voice low and husky.

"And I would like to get it, John," Teyla breathed back, no less rough. "But I fear there are children nearby as well as your father who seems quite amused at what we are doing."

Teyla was facing his Dad so he turned slightly and saw his Dad chuckle and shake his head. But he also remembered what his father had said about having desire for your wife being part of a strong marriage. He ground his hips into Teyla's and felt himself get even harder. Yup a very strong marriage if that was anything to go by. By Teyla was right, there were kids around and he needed to be a good role model. Seducing and making love to Teyla in front of them might not cut it.

He loosened his hold on her but still leaned down and pressed his lips gently to hers. "I need a rain check on this," He said and swiveled his hips against her center. She inhaled quickly and he said, "We'll have to finish this later."

Teyla raised her hand to run down the side of John's face. "Oh, I will hold you to that promise, believe me, John." Her eyebrows rose seductively.

John gave her one more tiny kiss. "I do love when you hold me to things."

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"The little guy all settled for the night?" Patrick asked as John and Teyla came into the family room from putting Torren down.

"I hope so," John replied. "I think the cool bath helped to alleviate some of the heat and we have the fan going in there too. I didn't want the room getting too cold with the AC on."

"Maybe you two should find a way to cool down too," Patrick suggested. "If you aren't going to sleep with the AC on, that is. A dip in the pool might do it. I'd be happy to listen for TJ. "

John looked over at Teyla and he could tell they both remembered the promise they had made earlier. It seemed as if his father was helping in that area.

You sure, Dad?" John checked and when his father nodded, he and Teyla quickly put on their suits. John slipped his arm around Teyla's shoulder, happy that the pain in it had begun easing and his mobility was increasing. He knew he still needed to continue with his exercises and icing but it was nice that he wasn't in agony anymore. He had finally stopped having homicidal thoughts about his therapist.

He walked with her back through the family room and found Dave and Amy sitting there now, having put  _their_ kids down for the night. When Dave saw John and Teyla and their suits and the predatory gleam in John's eyes, he snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Can't you guys ever do it in a bed?" Dave groaned.

Amy slapped his arm and reprimanded, "Stop it, David. You should be so spontaneous."

"Spontaneous combustion is a dangerous thing," Dave snorted back with a twinkle in his eye. It was Amy's turn to roll her eyes.

John kicked Dave's foot as they walked by and suggested, "Maybe you should learn to live dangerously, Dave. It definitely gets the adrenaline rushing around."

"Hmm, so you don't mind if we join you?" Dave asked.

John almost groaned now but knew his brother wasn't serious. Some things were too ingrained in him.

"Sure," John waved them on. "The more the merrier. We're just taking a quick dip to cool down from the heat."

Dave made a disbelieving noise and responded sarcastically, "I'm pretty sure cooling down will be the last thing you'll be doing. But I'm sure there  _will_ be heat. Have fun!"

They began walking out of the room but John turned back one last time and asked, "You want us to turn the intercom on? I heard you actually got something out of that last time, Dave."

Amy chuckled and turned beat red but shooed them out. John was more than happy to go.

He and Teyla moved down to the pool area and John dove right in leaving Teyla standing there untying the sarong she had tied around her bathing suit. The suit she had used this afternoon was still damp and she knew it was very concealing so she had used this one that had the ties in the back of the top. John had seemed to appreciate it when they were in the hot tub the last few times.

John came up for air and swam over to the edge of the pool and looked up adoringly at Teyla. He couldn't get enough of looking at her. He still had a hard time believing she was his. Even though they had been living together for a year and sleeping in the same bed for slightly under that, he still wondered why. What did she see in him?

"Come on in," John said as he reached for her foot, his feet touching the bottom in this location. "It definitely drops the body temperature."

Teyla sat on the edge and dipped her feet in cautiously. The water was cool but certainly not chilly after the heat of the day. "I thought our intention was to raise the body temperature."

John moved so he was resting between her legs and placed kisses on her knee. "You don't really have to do much but stand there and you've got my temperature rising, Teyla. Seeing you in this snug suit, though, I think the heat is definitely starting to go up."

Teyla slipped her hands in John's hair and mussed up his wet locks worse than ever. "I was hoping for  _something_ to go up. I believe I felt that this afternoon but there were too many people around to do anything about it."

"Nobody around now," John pointed out, though the sky still had vestiges of light settling in the distance. But he figured it was dark enough that whatever they did would remain private.

He continued to kiss his way around her knee and his hands caressed her thighs. He lifted one leg and traced his lips and tongue down until he reached her foot. He massaged her toes and arch and Teyla leaned back resting on her hands, and enjoyed the treat. He heard her moans of pleasure and hoped that if he got that from her when he was just massaging her feet, he would get something a little more when he tried a little harder?

And  _harder_  was what he was definitely getting as he lavished her other leg and foot with the same treatment as the first. When he was done, his mouth explored past her thighs again and settled on her flat stomach. Amy had complained that it wasn't fair that Teyla looked so good after just having a baby but John knew that Teyla had worked herself ragged when he was injured. The mile walk into town had certainly been a contributing factor in getting her back in shape quicker, plus she had a stretching and toning regimen that she attempted to do every morning when she woke. He usually liked to watch her as it got him excited to see her bend and stretch but often he was on his run when she did.

John's tongue came out and played along her rib cage as she leaned back further now on her elbows. He leaned over her, dripping from his time in the pool, and inhaled the floral scent of her. Teyla's breathing had picked up and he could see her anticipation of his touch. She was almost trembling with it. He didn't want to disappoint.

His hands journeyed from her hips to her waist and moved to roam over her chest. The friction of the suit rubbing against her nipples made her whimper and she wanted the feel of his skin against hers.

"John," she called softly hoping he would understand her quest. He merely smiled and continued to knead her breasts and rub his thumbs over her hardening peaks. Her tiny whimpers grew as his hands deepened the caress. She felt his hands moved to her hips and felt him pull her toward him. She wasn't expecting him to pull her fully into the water though, which is what he did.

"Thought I would cool you down a bit," John whispered in her ear as she slid against his slick body. "I want to enjoy this."

"I was enjoying it very much," Teyla stated. "You were not?"

"Oh, definitely enjoying it," John assured her. "I just wanted to enjoy it a little longer."

And he began to kiss her lips passionately as he pulled her legs to wrap around his waist. He floated a few feet over and Teyla saw that they were near the wide steps that led into the shallow end of the pool. John rested on the bottom one so they were still submerged to their chest but were now sitting solidly on something.

He pressed his lips to hers again and began a slow seduction of them. Teyla succumbed to his desire and opened her lips to allow him better access. He slid his tongue along her lower lip and then ventured inside. She was ready for him and parried and thrust with her own tongue. They played that way for a while then John's lips wandered further down her face to her neck and sucked on the spot he knew made her shiver with delight. And sure enough he felt her tremble and heard her moan as he continued.

Teyla's hands roamed over his back and through his hair as his lips continued their assault. But his lips didn't stop at her neck and throat. They continued and nudged aside the strap of her top. His hands slipped behind her and unfastened the back. He slid it down her arms and flung it over his shoulder.

Teyla was about to object but John pulled her to kneel on the step and his hands cupped her sweet, round globes. Teyla's eyes closed and her lips hummed their pleasure. John gently squeezed and kneaded and Teyla arched her back allowing him to caress her this way.

His thumbs skimmed her erect nipples and he felt Teyla's knees clench tighter together and saw her body jerk with pleasure. He knew she liked to be petted here and he wanted to make sure he gave her enjoyment. Just being with her in any way was enjoyment for him.

He dipped his head and ran his tongue around the center of her breast, teasing but not quite touching the hard nub. Teyla's hips began to sway back and forth and John knew she was deeply affected by what he was doing. His tongue moved again as his hand caressed and rubbed against her other mound.

The moon had risen in the sky and John could see her beautiful form damp and shaking against him. As he gently squeezed her nipple between his fingers he saw a drop of milk discharge from the center and he lowered his head and licked it off. His lips closed on her nipple then and he sucked getting more of the nourishment that he knew was meant for his son. But his son was asleep right now and John was the one awake.

Teyla pulled his head in closer but John wasn't surprised. Teyla had always liked him to pay attention to this part of her. He had avoided it much more often since she had been nursing TJ but maybe he had been remiss in giving her what she needed. He'd have to fix that and make amends.

And he did, until Teyla was squirming in his lap and whimpering in delight at his ministrations. The squirming though had done a number on his own desire and he was surprised Teyla wasn't complaining at how big and hard he was against her backside. But then she usually didn't complain about that.

Teyla was in a euphoric state and felt like she was floating and the water surrounding her as she sat in John's lap only heightened the feeling. Her bottom was very aware of John's need and her own was getting very close to completion simply with John's mouth surrounding her breasts. But she wanted more and wanted to give John more.

She finally found the strength to slide off his lap and kiss her way across his shoulders and chest, massaging her hands through the hair that ran from his neck to his nipples and arrowed down right to where she most wanted to be. John leaned back against the steps and Teyla arranged herself so her hands could explore his beautifully masculine body.

She had always thought John to be good looking but since she had been able to see him more intimately her opinion of his attributes grew. He was not big and muscular like Ronon but he was not soft and round like Rodney. His arms and shoulders had good sized muscles and were strong and pleasing to look at, even where his scars were very apparent. Teyla found them to be a sign of his bravery and responsibility to his family. His waist and hips were trim and his stomach flat and she did so like the path of fur leading to his manhood. It was almost like an invitation.

And it was one she never declined when offered. Her hands travelled down his chest, playing every so often then slid the loose band of his swim suit down even lower and wrapped her hand around his stiff erection. His breath sucked in swiftly and his head sank onto the step behind him as he exhaled slowly.

He allowed Teyla to run her hands up and down and caress him for a few minutes then he sat up and grabbed the edge of her bottoms and pulled. Teyla kicked them away and accepted this next invitation to immerse him deeply inside her. John's hands gripped her hips and held her in position while her hands balanced on his chest. Teyla could feel the friction of him inside her and stayed still to allow herself the pleasure of feeling him there. But then John pushed on her hips and bucked his own and she knew he wanted much more than this. And she would gladly give it to him.

Her hips rocked back and forth and she raised and lowered herself in rhythm. John joined in the rhythm and pretty soon Teyla was arching her back and panting, trying not to cry out with extreme pleasure. John allowed her to finish then flipped her so she was on the top step, her back on the deck and he was thrusting into her fast and furious.

Teyla wrapped her legs around his hips as he gripped her with determined strength and continued to plunge into her feminine core. Teyla felt herself shiver again with aftershocks of her first completion and then saw John close his eyes and hold her tightly against him while he rode out his own wave of passion. When he was done, he gave a shuddering breath and leaned down to kiss her lips soundly.

"Oh, God, Teyla!" John whispered harshly. "You are so incredible. No wonder I love you so much. You're the nicest, sweetest, bravest, strongest woman I know and even with all that you can still rock me like no one else ever has. I hate to even tell you how much power you have over me, sweetie."

He gave her one more swift kiss and quipped, "I just hope you always use that power for good and not evil."

Teyla looked at him strangely about to ask why she would do something evil when John chuckled and told her, "It's just a saying. And now I need to cool myself off again. I think you raised the temperature in this pool about fifty degrees."

Teyla continued to lean back against the steps, stretching her arms above her head extremely satisfied. "I am not the only one who generated heat just now, John Sheppard," she accused. "I am quite certain you were very much involved."

"And I am so thankful for that," John answered back. He started gliding away from the stairs but heard Teyla enter the pool and splash at the water.

"John" she called out, concern in her voice. "I cannot find my suit. It must have floated away."

John swam in her direction and appeared behind her. His hands slid around her waist and ran up and down her curves. His head lowered and he nibbled on her neck while his hands continued to roam. "Yeah, that's just too bad."

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sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	38. Thirty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 38

Chapter 38

.

"Is this straight?" John asked Dave as he finished tying his tie the morning of the wedding. He had gotten a suit and Teyla had bought a dress but they had decided they didn't want to go too wild with the wedding plans.

Amy had insisted on making a very nice dinner and providing flowers as well. She had a friend who was a floral arranger and she had volunteered to do it once she found out it was David's brother who they had thought was dead. She said it was the least she could do for a serviceman who had given so much to his country. John figured she'd be floored if he told her he had given so much for his  _world._

"It looks fine, John," Dave replied as he brushed down his own suit and picked some dust off Scotty's suit. John just chuckled but wasn't really surprised that the seven year old owned a suit. He was pretty sure he and Dave had owned them at that age, too.

"Are we all ready to get this show on the road?" Amy asked as she waltzed into the room with Torren tucked in his baby seat. She had given Teyla some time to get dressed without having to deal with the infant.

"Is Teyla ready?" John asked knowing they could hardly start without the bride.

"She is," Amy assured him. "But you can't see her until she comes down the aisle, so move it outside and we can begin."

John just rolled his eyes and stated, "I saw her beside me in bed this morning, you know."

Amy wrinkled her nose at him and gave him a gentle shove out the door.

Amy had set up a few large flowering plants on the patio and they had decided this would be as good a place as any. Patrick was already out there waiting with Father Dunnigan who had insisted he preside over the vows. John hadn't dared to argue with the priest or his own father.

"John, good to see you again," Father Dunnigan said and shook his hand. "Do you have the rings with you?"

John turned around and stuck his thumb out at Dave walking right behind him. "Dave, you got the rings?"

"I gave them to Scotty. He's the ring bearer. But I made sure they're tied on tight to the little pillow."

John thought about the rings and how much fun he and Teyla had had picking them out. They had spent the better part of the day out looking and had taken Torren with them. John usually hated going to stores like that but when he knew he was getting something so special for Teyla, he didn't seem to mind.

And showing Teyla some of the sights had been pretty cool too. She was so enthusiastic about everything she saw and John found himself looking at so many things with new eyes. Who would have thought an escalator could be so much fun. With Teyla, he remembered when he was little and had first seen one and tried to hop on. He had been fascinated and had wanted to go up and down a million times. His Dad and Mom had allowed him one extra trip but then had insisted they move on. And over the years he had been on so many that they were old hat. But now he saw again how great they could be.

The wedding bands they had picked out were antique looking with scrollwork and engraving down the side and he liked that they weren't typical old bands. He didn't think of Teyla as a typical person and he hoped their marriage wouldn't be typical either. Then he had wanted to buy Teyla an engagement ring. She had thought the idea silly since they had never actually been engaged and it was far too late now but John had wanted to show her how special she was to him. He found a unique ring in an antique shop with tiny little jewels sprinkled along the dainty edge and thought it was perfect for her and her unique character. She had loved it and had happily worn it for the last few days.

John got into place by Dave and Father Dunnigan and Patrick moved back to the house. He had been designated to give the bride away. John could tell he was thrilled by this little gesture and was happy to do anything that would help his Dad in healing, mentally and physically.

Kristy and Scotty walked down the path toward the patio, Kristy with a bouquet of flowers and Scotty with a tiny pillow with the rings tied tightly to it. Amy followed behind as the Matron of Honor and right behind her was his Dad with Teyla on his arm.

John sucked in a deep breath as he caught sight of his wife. Teyla was wearing a pastel, sleeveless dress that hugged her curves then floated around her knees. Her hair had been pinned up and several wispy curls had been allowed to cascade around her cheeks and neck. She was wearing some fancy, strappy sandals with a bit of a heel and he wasn't really used to seeing her this way. She looked right at home in this country. But John knew she would be right at home wherever he was and that thought alone brought such joy to him.

Patrick escorted Teyla down to where John waited and loved seeing his youngest son's face as they approached. He could tell John was deeply in love with Teyla and it did his damaged heart good to see it. He had always worried that John was unhappy. He knew part of it was that he figured John couldn't possibly be happy unless he was with his family helping the company to grow. It was what made him happy anyway.

But maybe over the last year, he had begun to realize not everyone measured happiness with the same tool. He now knew John certainly didn't.

Patrick let go of Teyla's hand and presented her to John. John took her hand and tucked it in the crook of his elbow then turned to face the priest whispering to Teyla, "You look incredibly beautiful."

Teyla blushed and gave John her smile that she reserved for him then heard Father Dunnigan begin.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony."

John looked down at Teyla as the words droned in the back of his mind. He was glad they had decided to do this. The first time had been a bit on the fly and they had been just one of many. This time was just for them. And he was actually glad his Dad, Dave, Amy and the kids had been able to be here, too. The only thing that would have made it better would be to have Ronon and Rodney present.

He pushed that thought aside as it was too depressing to think that he wouldn't be working with them anymore. He wondered what the chances were of getting his Dad to let him renege on his promise. But then he knew he couldn't do it. He was a man of his word and if he didn't follow through he wouldn't be worth much, in his own mind.

Teyla saw John's eyes go dark and almost blank and she knew he must be thinking of something unpleasant. She did not wish for him to go there today. It was meant to be a happy day. She squeezed his hand and saw him look her way and a smile immediately burst upon his face and the dark shadows instantly cleared. She sighed her relief and smiled widely at him.

"Do you, John, take Teyla to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, as long as you both shall live?" the voice of the priest broke through his subconscious.

John gave Teyla another dazzling grin and answered, "Absolutely, I do."

"Do you, Teyla, take John to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"The rings," Father Dunnigan prompted and Dave pulled them out of his pocket where he had tucked them once Scotty had gotten to them. He handed them to John. John lifted Teyla's hand and echoed the priest.

"With this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, I thee wed," John pledged and slipped the band onto Teyla's third finger. Teyla then took his ring and lifted his hand.

"With this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, I thee wed." The band was then slipped onto John's third finger.

"By the power invested in me and before God, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Father Dunnigan smiled as John lifted his hand to touch the side of Teyla's cheek and lowered his head. His lips pressed against hers for a few brief moments then as he eased back he whispered, "I'll do better when we're alone later."

Teyla's grin let him know she would hold him to that promise. They turned toward their small family gathered near and Father Dunnigan announced, "I introduce to you, Colonel and Mrs. John Sheppard."

Dave clapped John on the back and pulled Teyla in for a hug. Amy was next then Patrick took his turn. Scotty and Kristy jumped up and down in the vicinity yelling, "I want to hug you, too."

John reached down and scooped Kristy into his arms and gave her a big smooch on her cheek and Teyla embraced Scotty then they switched. Amy made sure to take some pictures as she had done during the short ceremony. She then insisted on getting more pictures of the bride and groom and then asked Father Dunnigan to take a few with the whole wedding party.

Once Amy was satisfied that they had taken enough photos, she waved everyone inside and began putting food on the table. When John and Teyla tried to help she shooed them away saying it was their wedding day and they should just sit.

Teyla took the few minutes to feed Torren a bit more so he wouldn't complain during the meal and then placed him in the tiny booster seat with the attached tray. They put a few toys on his tray and allowed him to play while they passed around the food and filled their plates.

Once everyone had finished taking what they wanted, Patrick clinked his fork against his glass, then raised it high.

"To my son, John, and his beautiful wife, Teyla, may you have many, many years of health and happiness and provide me with more grandchildren."

He chuckled at his last words and everyone else chuckled, too. Teyla rolled her eyes but smiled as well. She was not opposed to more children but she was still very tired from this one and hoped they could wait a bit more for the next.

Everyone clinked their glasses and Dave and Amy also expressed well wishes for the couple. Father Dunnigan said a blessing over the meal and all began to eat. Conversations ranged from Sheppard Industries to Patrick's heart attack and recuperation to the children's schedules for the summer.

John was glad that his father was keeping away from the subject of him staying in this country. He wasn't sure he wanted to discuss that on his wedding day. It was supposed to be a happy occasion and that was not something he was happy about. But he'd never tell his father that.

Father Dunnigan left shortly after the meal, congratulating them again, and Scotty and John complained about the suits they were still in.

"Can we take these off and get into something a bit more comfortable?" John almost whined.

Amy and Teyla grinned at each other but conceded that it was fine. The men and Kristy all quickly changed into play clothes while Teyla and Amy decided they would keep on their sundresses. Teyla did take her shoes off and allowed her feet to roam though the grass barefoot.

Teyla and Amy stayed on the patio entertaining Torren while the kids got a large ball out and began kicking it around the grass beyond the pool. Dave, John and Patrick joined them, although Patrick was only allowed to kick it if it rolled near him, he couldn't go run and get it like he wanted to.

"Not that I don't love being with my kids and grandkids," he complained to John who was standing near him as the little ones moved the ball over the grass, "but I'm chomping at the bit just to get back home."

John sighed and muttered under his breath, "I know how you feel."

He saw his Dad look at him sharply so he sprinted a few yards away to kick the ball back to Scotty across the field. He really didn't want to get into that conversation right now. His father had other ideas though. He followed behind him and asked, "John, have you let them know yet at Peterson that you want a transfer back stateside?"

John smiled a guilty smile and admitted, "No, not yet."

Patrick looked disapprovingly at his son and John felt all the old tension leak back in. "But I did write the letter requesting the transfer," John defended. "I figured I'd give it to them when Teyla and I went back Sunday. It'll take a while for that to go through and I was hoping they would allow us to go back to the base we were at to collect our things and say goodbye to some of our friends there. Teyla really needs to say goodbye to her people. I hope you understand that, Dad. But I promise we will be back soon. I absolutely plan on keeping my word."

Patrick nodded and said, "Thank you, John, I appreciate that. I hope you can take care of your business in a short time and get your new orders quickly. And you know, if you have any say in the matter, I'd love for you to be as close as possible."

John responded with a wry smile. "The Air Force isn't really known for taking suggestions from those down the ranks. I know I'm a Lt. Colonel but I'm pretty sure the ones making the decision will be Generals. I'd say one of the most obvious places for me would be Peterson. I know there are assignments there that need people with my skill set. But I'm not sure if that's where they'll place me. I'll let you know as soon as I do."

Patrick nodded happily, Peterson wasn't really close but it was closer than where he'd been, not that he knew where that was. But he knew it hadn't been in this country. He watched as John moved to intercept the ball again. He had seen John's face light up when he talked about his old base and then fall when he talked about leaving it. Patrick knew John had liked his old position but he also thought he could be happy here as well; eventually. He would just need to get used to it, just like anything else. Patrick kept repeating this to himself as he remembered John's emotions playing out in his very expressive eyes.

As John and Dave chased after the kids who were chasing after the ball, Dave stopped and took a breath. "You better slow down, too, little brother, if you want any energy left for your wedding night. Did you and Teyla ever get a honeymoon the first time?"

"Where would we have gone and how would we have gotten there?" John made a face at Dave. "As for the wedding night the first time, well Teyla was about eight months pregnant and by the time we had spent all day with the festivities and then walked the mile home, she fell asleep in front of the fire in the living room. I had to carry her into bed and she never even woke up. I'm hoping tonight will be a little more active than that."

Dave had laughed loudly and started running after the ball again, trying to beat Scotty to it. John looked up and saw Teyla trying to calm a fussy baby and walked in her direction.

"Why don't you let me take him, sweetie, maybe he wants to watch his cousins play ball. Has he been fed and changed?"

"Fed, yes, changed, no," Teyla replied.

John lifted the child up to his nose and grimaced. "Yep, that could be the reason for the fuss. I'll go clean him up then bring him back to watch the kids."

"Thank you, John, that is so sweet."

John leaned down and gave her a tiny kiss. "I'm just hoping for a little payback later tonight."

Teyla laughed but gave him a saucy wink and John swept Torren away for his diaper change.

Patrick continued to watch the children run around the yard and wished he could move a bit quicker after them. But he hated to admit he still felt a little weak after his heart attack. He felt ridiculous since it had happened two weeks ago. He should be completely fine by now. Maybe the doctor had been right when he said he'd need to take things a bit slower for a while. He really didn't want to.

Dave moved over by his father and took a look at him. "You doing okay, Dad? Do you need to sit down for a while?"

"I'm fine, David," Patrick grouched back. "I don't need you to mollycoddle me. Your brother's been doing it enough for the past few weeks, I certainly don't need both of you on me."

"Well, if John sticks around you know you  _will_ have both of us, so you better get used to it," Dave warned.

"What do you mean  _if,_ " Patrick asked. "Your brother told me he was staying. I know he hasn't told his Commanding Officer yet but he said he would this weekend. He's got the letter written and everything."

"And why hasn't he told them yet, Dad? Have you asked yourself that question?"

"I'm sure he just hasn't had time," Patrick gave the excuse though it sounded feeble even to his own ears. "I mean he's been visiting me in the hospital almost every day I was there and at rehab in the mornings. And he has a little baby to take care of, too."

Dave just shook his head and sighed. "Maybe it's because he really doesn't want to do it. I know he promised you and all but think about the circumstances. You'd practically died in his arms, heck you did if you count the fact that your heart stopped. John was really freaked out by that. And honestly, Dad, you owe John your life. He performed CPR on you until the ambulance came and got you going again. John felt guilty enough that he got you mad while you were in the restaurant, if you had died after, can you imagine what he would have been carrying around with him?"

Patrick made a doubting face. "John didn't cause my heart attack and I was barely even upset in the restaurant. Certainly nothing compared to what I've been with him in the past. He shouldn't feel guilty."

"Well, maybe you should tell him that," Dave suggested. "Because he basically told me it didn't matter what he wanted; he wasn't going to be the one to cause you to die."

"That's nonsense," Patrick scoffed. "Of course John isn't responsible for my health. He must know that. And anyway, I have a feeling John will be perfectly happy once he's back in the States for good. You'll see. They'll find him a nice safe position that isn't a war zone, and he'll have plenty of time to spend with his wife and son. And he'll be content with that."

"Content, maybe," Dave grimaced. "Is that all you want him to be, content? And what kind of position will he get that compares with Military Commander?"

"I don't know," Patrick snapped back, not liking that David was pointing out some home truths to him; ones he didn't really want to think about. He remembered the pictures Colonel Carter had sent and thought of the one where John was standing near the podium speaking to his troops. And they had all been giving him their utmost respect. Major Lorne, his second in command, had also told him at the funeral that everyone thought he was the best CO they ever had. He knew that kind of respect was earned and had nothing to do with your rank or position.

But he wanted his son here. What was so wrong about that? He glanced around and noticed John coming out of the house with TJ. He paused as he adjusted the baby in his arms and just stared off into the distance. Patrick saw his eyes almost lose focus and his shoulders go up and down in a big sigh. His eyes grew dark and his face showed pain for a few moments until he noticed his father looking at him. But it took a few seconds before he could completely wipe the haunted look from his eyes. Patrick hated seeing John that way. Would that haunted look stay there if John stuck around or would it eventually fade? He wished he knew.

John moved over a bit away from the kicking kids and settled on the grass with TJ in his lap facing the action. Patrick made his way over and sat down next to him, leaning back on his hands.

"You miss it, don't you?" Patrick asked as he saw John gazing at his niece and nephew.

"Playing soccer?" John asked puzzled.

"No, your job on base."

"I'll be fine, Dad," John assured him. "I lived without it for a year. I can do it again. And I'll have Teyla and TJ with me. That'll make it better. I won't go against my word if that's what you're afraid of. I made a promise to you and you mean everything to me." John swallowed hard and Patrick could see the next words coming out were hard for him. "I love you."

"I love you too, John." Patrick waited a few seconds then asked, "What kind of position do you think they'll give you around here? It won't be something like you had before, will it?"

John gave a dry chuckle. "No, Dad, it won't be anything like that." He leaned down and kissed TJ's head then his eyes drifted again off into the distance. "I was the Military Commander of the base. I definitely won't get something like that around here. And I'm not sure I'd want to command a stateside base anyway. That's mostly administration and paperwork and I really hate paperwork."

"So, it's a step down for you?" Patrick checked wanting to make sure he understood correctly.

"Yeah, but don't worry about  _that_ , Dad. I'm not really into the whole status thing. I just want to love what I do."

"But you probably won't if you're stationed here in the States, huh?"

John shrugged. "It depends what they give me to do. I suppose I could. It doesn't matter anyway. I told you I'd stay and I will regardless. You don't need to worry about it."

"I do worry about you, John," Patrick countered. "It's one of the reasons I wanted you closer. I don't like the idea of you in danger but I suppose you could be killed crossing the street tomorrow and I'd be equally as miserable."

"How about I promise to stay out of the street tomorrow then, Dad," John quipped trying to lighten the mood. The topic was really quite depressing.

"How about if you promise me you'll write often and send me pictures and videos of my grandson and daughter-in-law and I won't hold you to that first promise."

John's head whipped around to stare at his father. "But that's not what you want, Dad."

"And staying here with me isn't what you want either," Patrick answered back calmly. "And I'm not taking it personally, John. I know you just crave the adventurous life and I can see that Teyla is very similar. And apparently where you are they need you; maybe as much as I need you. I just wish I could see you more often, especially now that we almost figured out how to get along."

John wasn't sure he was hearing what his father was actually saying. He turned puzzled eyes at him. "Are you sure, Dad? I won't go back on my promise. I'm willing to stay, I told you that."

"And that's the reason I think you should go. I appreciate the sacrifice you were willing to make to keep your old man happy and I realize that you love me and that's going to have to be enough for now. But you did say maybe you could come back at Christmas, right?"

"Yeah, I can probably get a few weeks to spend here," John replied but still seemed as if this conversation was too good to be true. He still looked doubtfully at his father.

"You should probably tear up that letter then and hopefully we can make the most of the next few days that we have together. I want to spend as much time as possible with you, Teyla and TJ, especially if I'm gonna miss so many of his milestones."

John picked up Torren and placed him in his father's lap. "Well, you can start right now by spending some time with your grandson. And I promise, Dad, I will send an e-mail and pictures and video clips of every little spit up he does. You'll be sick of seeing my e-mail address turning up in your inbox."

Patrick snuggled Torren in his arms and then tilted his head up at the ladies sitting on the patio. Amy was just getting up, possibly to get some more lemonade for herself and Teyla and headed into the house. "Why don't you go tell Teyla the good news? She's been so supportive of all this but I'll take a guess that she'll be equally as relieved as you."

John looked up and smiled at Teyla. Her beautiful face smiled back genuinely. John leaned over and pulled his Dad in for a brief embrace and Patrick was the one to be surprised. "Thanks, Dad, for understanding. You don't know how much I really appreciate this. And I do promise we'll come back and visit as often as we can. At least now I know there'll be a place where we'll be welcome. I love you."

Patrick squeezed back and John let him loose. "You've always been welcome, John. I'm more sorry than I can ever say that you didn't always feel that way and I know that was my fault. I don't ever want you to feel that way again. And I promise to make every attempt to make sure you know you have a place to come home to whenever you want, a place where you feel loved because I do love you, John, I always have and I hope you'll remember that."

"I will now, Dad, I will now."

Patrick watched as John got up and saw Teyla stand to greet him. He pulled her in for a close hug and Patrick could see John tip his head down to meet hers. After a few more moments of John talking, Teyla's face lit up brighter than any sunlight he'd ever seen and her arms wrapped around John's neck and pulled him close. They stayed embracing for several minutes and Patrick almost felt voyeuristic watching them.

But he admitted that he loved seeing John so happy and in love and couldn't get enough of it. When they finally drew back from each other, Patrick thought Teyla's eyes seemed moist and glowing. Had she been crying because she was so happy? He felt a twinge of guilt that he had almost made John and Teyla give the ultimate sacrifice for him. But at least now he knew he had done the right thing. Teyla threw him a grateful smile and nod.

He smiled back and lifted his grandson so he was looking into his tiny little face. "Guess we have to get as much time together now, young man, since you'll be going back to who knows where in a few days. But your Daddy has assured me you'll be back for Christmas and that I'll get lots of pictures and videos from him of you. Make sure you remind him if he forgets, okay? I don't want to miss out on anything."

Patrick pressed his lips to the soft head and kept them there for a while. He knew he would need to fill up on this child's wonderful scent while he could. But he also knew his parents would be happier where they were going and Torren would be able to grow knowing about his mother's people as well. That was only fair. He held him close again and looked up to where John and Teyla were still holding each other. Yeah, part of a parent's job was to make their children happy and he guessed he had finally managed that one.

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sgasgasgasgasgasgagsa

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	39. Thirty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 39

Chapter 39

.

"Are you sure you have everything," Dave asked for the twentieth time in an hour. "From what I understand I can't really mail stuff to you if you need it immediately."

John just laughed at how true his brother's words were. And Dave had no idea how far the ' _shipping'_  would be. "As long as I have Teyla and TJ, I'll be all set. Those are the only two things that aren't replaceable. The rest of it we can make do without. We did without most of this stuff for the first three months of his life."

"And all the baby equipment you ordered is being delivered to Peterson, right?" Dave checked again.

John sighed and nodded. Dave seemed more nervous than  _he_  was. They were heading back to the SGC today and Dave wanted to make sure John was all set. John knew Dave was really good at handling things. But John had already made arrangements for anything he ordered to be sent to Peterson and then the Apollo would take it to Atlantis on their next trip which was leaving in two days.

So it would be three weeks before he and Teyla got it but they'd be fine. And they were taking the baby carrier and stroller with them. He figured they'd need it to transport the stuff that he didn't want to wait three weeks for; like the disposable diapers. Even Teyla had to admit it was nice not to have to wash the dirty cloth ones.

John chuckled at the four large bags they had ready to go, along with the carriage and TJ's infant seat. It was definitely more than they had come with. He hoped Landry wouldn't mind. And they'd need some of it for the twenty-four four quarantine on the Mid-Way Station. He wasn't looking forward to that. It was usually manned with scientists who could almost out-geek McKay.

He would admit though that he was looking forward to seeing McKay and Ronon again. He wondered if Rodney had gotten any further with Katie Brown as Rodney had seemed pretty serious about her before they left.

"Let me give you a hand loading these in the car," Patrick offered as he picked up one of the bags John had placed in the family room ready to go.

"We can get them, Dad," John assured him. "You don't need to help."

Patrick gave John one of his ' _don't baby me'_  looks that John had grown so used to in the past few weeks and John just shrugged and shook his head but let his father heft the bag onto his shoulder and haul it to the car. John knew it actually wasn't that heavy since he and Teyla would need to be able to carry anything they had by themselves. And they needed to get Torren through also; thus the need for the carriage. He hoped Landry and O'Neill wouldn't mind.

Once the bags were in the large town car that Patrick provided for the trip to the airport, Amy, Dave and the kids escorted them outside to say goodbye. Patrick had insisted he fly with them to Colorado in his private jet and so he would have time to say goodbye later.

John scooped up Kristy and gave her a big hug and a ton of kisses all over her face and the little girl squealed in response. "I don't want you to go, Uncoo John. I want you to tay here and play with us all the time."

"I'd love to, Kristy, but I have to get back to my job. But I promised your Mom and Dad that I would send some pictures and maybe even some videos of Auntie Teyla and TJ and me so you can see how much he's growing. And we'll be back at Christmas so make sure you start thinking of your list."

Amy groaned and scolded, "You just had to tell her that, didn't you, John. You know it's still summer and I'll be hearing about this Christmas list for the next six months now."

John slid Kristy to the ground and gave Amy an embrace as well. Amy hung on tight and kissed John's cheek. "We sure will miss you around here. It was nice having a couple here who got David a little  _motivated._ "

John laughed heartily and released her from his grip. Teyla made the rounds with hugs as well. Amy made sure Teyla promised to send e-mails and videos and insisted they stay here when they came at Christmas.

"Of course we will, Amy," Teyla replied. "I could think of no better place to be during this holiday that you celebrate. John has explained it to me the last few years and I find it quite interesting. I still am uncertain how this fat man slides down such a thin chimney, though."

Kristy looked up at Teyla and with wide eyes whispered loudly, "It's magic!"

John clapped Scotty on the back and got down on his level. "Hey, make sure you keep those cars in working order for when I come back in six months, okay? I'll need even more practice than I got this time since TJ will be closer to being able to play with them. And I told Grandpa about how great you've done with the remote control helicopter and he said that he'd love to hang around when you fly it so you can get in more practice."

John looked up at his father when he said this and his Dad just smiled. Maybe his Dad wouldn't be so against flying machines now that he and John had somewhat come to terms with each other. And maybe Scotty could reap the reward.

Teyla had finished her round of goodbyes and it was just John facing his brother. They shook hands and John cleared his throat and stammered, "Thanks, uh, for you know, um, everything, Dave. Letting us stay here and putting up with us while we were here but most especially for all the support you gave me while Dad was in the hospital. You'd think I was the one who was sick."

Dave gripped John's hand tighter and swallowed hard, his own emotions coming to the surface. "I think we gave each other quite a bit of support, John, just like when we were kids. I hate to admit to being surprised but I will also say that I really enjoyed having you here. And you know you're always welcome; you and your family."

John and Dave both gave a tug at the same time and found themselves in a quick embrace. They slapped each other on the back then cleared their throats and backed away. But they were still smiling. Teyla and Amy were just rolling their eyes.

Within the hour they were sitting back on Patrick's private Cessna in relative comfort and soaring through the skies to Colorado. Twenty minutes into the flight, Torren had fallen asleep and again Teyla marveled at the contraption that held him snuggly and safely in a seat. Teyla leaned back in the seat next to the baby and rested her eyes. She knew the Mid-Way Station might not be so peaceful.

Patrick sat next to John on the other side of the cabin talking quietly as to not disturb Teyla and the baby.

"So what can you tell me about this base you work on, John?" Patrick asked. "I know it's all probably very top secret, hush, hush stuff but I was curious when I met your teammate Dr. McKay. He's a scientist."

John took a big breath in. He really couldn't give his father too many details but he thought maybe he could give him some general information.

"McKay is an astrophysicist and he's got some other doctorate in some other science area as well. I'm surprised he didn't tell you all about it. He's the head of Research and Development for the base. You see, Dad, we're not there for some private little war, the expedition was set up for exploration and scientific research. The problems Teyla's people have had were a secondary obstacle that we didn't expect. But we've kind of taken it on as our own little challenge now as well."

"And I'm sure her people are very grateful," Patrick observed then sat quietly to see if John would offer any more information.

"We've got a good deal of medical personnel plus quite a few scientists of all sorts; physicists, botanists, archaeologists, anthropologists, and I don't even know what some of them study. I just know it's my job to provide them with protection when they go out and do their thing."

"Archaeologists and anthropologists? What are they trying to find evidence of, alien life forms out in the jungle?" Patrick laughed at his little joke.

John chuckled although his laugh wasn't natural. "I can't really say what the purpose of the expedition is, just lots of exploration that leads to developments that can be beneficial to _everyone_  on this planet. That's about all I can tell you, Dad."

John could see Patrick take in what he had said and he also saw when his Dad realized that maybe what John was doing, protecting these scientists, was a very good thing. There was definitely a new appreciation in his eyes that John hadn't really seen before or maybe John had just never noticed. He had to admit to having a blind spot where his father was concerned for a very long time.

John figured maybe he would pay his father back a little and started asking him questions about the company. John had worked there as a teenager and had certainly learned enough while growing up to know what they did and how a lot of the company functioned. This helped him to have a regular discussion with intelligent questions from him regarding his father's work.

Patrick launched into several explanations and stories about mergers and acquisitions and John could thankfully keep up with him. After several specific detailed questions from John regarding a certain aspect of the business, Patrick leaned in close and said, "Are you sure you don't want to come work for the company? We really could use someone with your sense of responsibility and intelligence. You haven't been around the company in more years than I can count and you still discuss it more knowledgably than some of my long time employees."

John felt a little pressure for a second then noticed the gleam in his father's eyes again and knew he was just joking, although he bet he'd snap at the chance if John actually said yes. So he decided to throw his father a bone. "Maybe someday, Dad, when I finally get too old for flying and protecting people, I might take you up on that offer."

Patrick chuckled. "I can only hope I'm still around to see that day."

"I hope you are, too, Dad. Hope you are, too."

John leaned back and allowed his Dad a little rest from the stimulating conversation. He could see that he was tiring but he'd never admit it. If John seemed tired, then maybe his Dad would settle back, also.

The flight was longer than John was used to, since coming into possession of puddle jumpers and Stargates but it was also too short a span to get some last minute quality time with his Dad. Too soon they landed at Peterson and John and Teyla needed to leave and say goodbye. John could tell Patrick didn't want to. But John appreciated that his Dad hadn't held him to his promise that he'd made while he'd been really weak and sick. The Patrick Sheppard that he remembered would certainly have done that regardless of what John wanted in life.

They walked down the steps of the plane and pulled out the bags from the storage compartment. Several Airmen arrived to put everything on the stroller and take it, except the carrier that held Torren. Patrick stood uncomfortably near John and Teyla.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Patrick said sadly.

John reached out to touch his father's arm and shook his head. "It's not good bye. It's just  _'see you later'_ , Dad. We'll be back at Christmas time as long as I can get some time off then. But they want me back for the shoulder check so it should be fine. And I'll put in extra shifts so I can justify the time off."

John looked apologetically at Teyla when he said this. She just laughed.

"You will work extra shifts regardless of the reason, John. You know no other way to do your job."

"True," John smirked. "I was kind of hoping maybe having a baby around might make me cut back a little."

Teyla chuckled again and moved closer to Patrick, lifting the infant seat so he could say good bye to his grandson. Patrick leaned down and kissed the forehead of the sleeping child and whispered, "I'll miss you, TJ. Make sure your Mom and Dad stay safe okay. I know I'll miss them, too."

He then took a hold of Teyla and wrapped his arms around her snugly. Teyla hugged him back as best she could with the baby carrier in one hand. "It has been my absolute honor to be welcomed into your family and to be allowed the privilege of calling you ' _Dad'_. I will miss you but I very much look forward to seeing you again."

Patrick kissed her cheek and let her go. He then turned to John and pulled him into a tight embrace. John thought of all they had been through in the last three weeks and felt the need to hold him back just as tightly. He hadn't needed to hold his Dad this badly since his Mom had died. But it felt right and good and he was glad they had both moved to a place where they could do this. He was also glad Teyla was the only one around to see it. Rodney would be having a field day.

They finally let go and John took the infant seat from Teyla and they reluctantly moved away to the waiting car that would take them to the SGC. His father didn't know this; he just thought it would bring them to another part of the base. Through the car window, he saw his Dad sag against the railing of the stairs to the plane and almost ordered the driver to turn around and go back. He couldn't leave his Dad this way.

But then he saw his father throw his shoulders back and walk briskly up the steps into the Cessna. John sighed with relief and knew maybe he wouldn't worry quite so much now. But he'd still worry; there was no doubt about that. His Dad had wanted him to keep in touch so he could see that he and Teyla and the baby were all right. But John knew he would stay in touch because he needed to know that his Dad was all right. It felt weird to have that concern so out there but it gave him a warm feeling that he hadn't had regarding his family in a very long time and he knew he was okay with that now.

.

sgasgasgasgasgasgasga

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	40. Fourty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finale

Chapter 40

_ ~finale~ _

.

"Incoming wormhole!" Chuck announced. "It's the Midway Station, Colonel."

Carter reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, pulled down on her uniform jacket and quickly moved toward the stairs. She hoped she looked all right. When that thought crossed her mind she almost rolled her eyes. She had never worried about her appearance much before but she wanted to look good for those coming in.

The wormhole engaged and then settled and a few seconds later the blue rippled like a stone thrown on water and three figures emerged. Actually she guessed it really was four if you counted the baby.

She chuckled as she saw the variety of bags and paraphernalia John and Teyla had brought back but she figured they'd most likely need it and Atlantis didn't really have many 'Babies R Us' nearby. But she really chuckled when she saw the distinguished gray haired man pushing the baby stroller that was also loaded down with goodies.

"General O'Neill," Carter greeted him first, trying so hard not to run into his arms. She had missed him since she had been stationed here. "It's good to see you again, Sir."

"Carter," O'Neill grinned like a little kid and looked at all the people around knowing he'd probably need to control the urge he had to take Carter into his arms and kiss the daylights out of her. It had been too damn long. And the excuse he had made for coming here was very thin. Luckily he thought Hank suspected what was going on and had happily approved the visit.

"John, Teyla," Carter greeted the couple as they handed the bags and stroller to the nearby SO's. "Everything went okay with your PT, John?"

John moved his arm up and down and swung it around, attempting not to wince when he swung a bit too enthusiastically. "Better than it had been. I still need to do exercises for quite a while but the Doc said it looked much better and I'll need to return in six months to make sure it's back to Military standards."

Carter nodded and John hefted Torren in the seat. He had requested a few weeks off from Landry and O'Neill when he had gotten to the SGC and had even filed the requisite paperwork so there could be no slip ups. Then he had whipped out a quick e-mail to his Dad saying he had gotten the Christmas weeks off. He should have that by the time he got home from the airport. He certainly couldn't accuse John of not sending word soon enough.

He looked around the gate room and asked, "Where's McKay and Ronon? I kind of thought they'd be here to meet us."

Carter smiled. "You're a few minutes early and it's lunch time. You know McKay can't go without his food for that long. Ronon was with him. I'm sure they'll be coming soon."

And sure enough footsteps echoed along the outer corridor and McKay huffed into the enormous room followed by the large Satedan.

"Wait!" Rodney cried. "You're early. You weren't supposed to be here until," and he looked at his watch, "thirty seconds from now. How come no one told us you were here?"

"We just arrived, Rodney," Teyla informed him.

Ronon trotted over and slapped John on the back and bellowed, "Welcome back, Sheppard. You all better now?"

John just smiled and nodded. No sense telling Ronon that his injury might take a bit longer to heal completely. He'd just call him a girl and make fun of him.

Ronon now moved and gave Teyla a great big bear hug then grabbed the infant seat and examined the baby who was asleep again.

"He got big in just three weeks, huh?" Ronon's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What the heck did you feed this kid?"

"Steak, potatoes, you know, good American food," John chuckled.

Rodney looked up horrified. "Steak and potatoes. How the heck did he eat that stuff? He doesn't have any teeth yet, does he?"

Rodney then looked at Teyla and John's disbelieving faces and said, "Oh, you're just kidding me, aren't you? Well har, har. Are you guys still enamored of that kid? You haven't gotten sick of him yet?"

Pretty much everyone in the room rolled their eyes then Carter said, "Hate to break up this party but you know protocol. The infirmary."

She looked at O'Neill and said, "I think I'll escort you down, just to make sure myself that everything's okay."

As they walked, Ronon and Rodney bombarded John and Teyla with a million questions while Jack and Sam lagged a bit behind. Jack snuck his hand into Sam's and gave her a quick tug, just long enough to press a few kisses onto her waiting lips. They thought Teyla had seen but Sam hardly cared. John and Teyla had a kid together; hopefully a few stolen kisses wouldn't be seen as too big a scandal. And Jack was a General, who was going to argue with him here in Atlantis?

The group ahead of them entered the infirmary and Jack pulled on Sam's hand to halt her progress inside. "The Doc will be busy with our little family unit. We've got time."

Jack turned his head and perused the corridor to find it remarkably empty. "And look, no one around. We should probably take advantage of that, Colonel Carter, don't you think?"

Sam glanced around her and checked to be sure he was correct in his assessment of their privacy. "I think you might be right, General."

Jack chuckled and pulled her close. "Don't you know by now, Carter, that Generals are always right? It's the only reason I'm still in the damn Military. Now don't make me order you to kiss me again. You know how I hate to be the boss."

Sam's eyes filled with mischief. "Oh, I don't know about that, Jack. I remember a few times that you really enjoyed being the boss. Like that time we used Landry's little hunting cabin and you…"

O'Neill covered her lips again with his then chuckled. "I thought we weren't going to mention that again in public. Although I will admit it was kind of fun having you be so submissive. You never were when I was your commander."

"Come on," Carter pushed him toward the infirmary door again. "Let's get this check-up over with and maybe I'll let you reenact that little scenario again."

Jack breathed in a deep breath and Sam saw him almost shiver with anticipation. He grabbed her hand and entered through the door. He looked at Sam's mischievous face and said, "You're on."

.

sgasgagsagsagsgasgasga

.

"You ready to go, Pal?" John said to Torren as he tucked him in his carrier and handed him a rattle for the trip. Teyla joined him as they headed for the main tower and John continued to tell him what they were doing.

"We're going to see all our friends on Dimitta. We'll see Shalise, she's the one who delivered you. And we'll see Finn and Tenyse and their kids. I know you don't really remember them but Kelina used to come watch you quite a bit when we lived there, just to give me and Mommy a few minutes to ourselves. And we'll see Bessa and Shuntar and hopefully Timnis will be there and not off gallivanting with his new mountain girlfriend again. They're all really nice people and your Mom and I have missed them in the past month and a half."

Teyla hefted the diaper bag more firmly on her shoulder and touched John's arm. "It will be lovely to see them again. They truly did become an important part of our lives."

John nodded and smiled down at her. There were times in the past three weeks since they had returned to Atlantis that he had wondered about their decision in leaving Dimitta. They had been really happy there and the thoughts usually came when he was pulling double duties and putting out fires from cranky, egotistical scientists or because the Wraith were culling some place they were at and they needed to evacuate.

But he also wondered what it would have been like if they had stayed on Earth and where he would have been stationed. He had just received an e-mail from his Dad a week ago saying they were missed and he'd gotten one from Dave saying Dad was being pretty good with the diet, exercise and medications but that Dave was also constantly badgering him if he didn't. He had returned to work but Dave and Carol were making sure he left each day by four in the afternoon and surprisingly he hadn't given them any hassle about it.

John grew concerned with that, knowing his Dad never left work early and he must be really tired or weak. But he knew he could trust Dave to keep an eye out for him. And he was also trying to deal with the new feeling of actually missing his family. It wasn't a huge ache but just the fact that it was there at all was pretty surprising. He was really looking forward to going back at Christmas.

John held the baby up to his face as they entered the jumper bay and asked once again, "So are you all ready to go?"

"Do you really expect him to answer you?" Rodney snorted entering the jumper as well. "I mean the kid's what, … a couple months old?"

"He is now _four_ months," Teyla replied as she settled herself in the back and strapped Torren onto the bench.

"Yah, whatever," Rodney said and sat in the copilot's chair in front next to John.

Jennifer showed up a minute later with Ronon carrying as many bags as she was. She would be spending a few days in town instructing Shalise on the use of many of their medicines and equipment. This was her second trip and she had enjoyed the company of the woman immensely the first time and was looking forward to it again. And this time she wouldn't have to keep answering the continuous round of questions about Teyla and Sheppard.

Teyla and John had volunteered to fly her there and had insisted they stay as well. Rodney was going to help with a few of the devices he had given them plans for in helping their mills and factories to work more productively. Ronon was just coming along as a pack mule but he got to spend time with his best friends so he didn't really care about hauling things around. He'd never admit it but he really missed these two during their year long absence.

Everyone got settled in their seats and John started the preflight. As he tuned in to the jumper and mentally gave her instructions then informed Atlantis what they were doing, he knew why he had come back here. His connection to the city and his feeling of welcome and unconditional acceptance just hummed through his veins. That along with the looks of respect and admiration he got from his troops and the feeling of accomplishment when they actually saved a village from the Wraith. Yeah, those were amazingly strong and he knew he couldn't get them quite like that anywhere but here.

Luckily he also had friends like Ronon and Rodney and of course Teyla and TJ. They were his family. And his wife and his son were also his heart and soul and inspiration for all that he did. They were the reason he did it. He wouldn't have it any other way.

He contacted the control room and within minutes they were soaring above the skies of Dimitta and shortly after they were landing behind Finn and Tenyse's house. Finn and Tenyse weren't the only ones who were there waiting though. About a dozen people came pouring out of the building and John, Teyla and Torren were surrounded in seconds with hugs and kisses and slaps on the back.

"It is so good to see you all again," Teyla cried as she gave Tenyse an especially long embrace. "We have missed you all so much."

John looked to see if Ronon and Rodney were feeling left out but Shuntar had already gotten Rodney in a discussion on some of the machinery he wanted to work on the next few days and Ronon was giving Zeth lessons in some form of combat. Jennifer was listing all the things she had brought along to Shalise and Shalise was standing there wide eyed and almost in tears at the possibilities.

A huge banquet had been arranged in the community building for that night and Rodney was in his glory tasting all the unique dishes. John made sure to make the rounds and touch base with all he could. He spent a good deal of time teasing Tim about his new friend and getting the details on the relationship.

Teyla hardly saw Torren as he was passed around for all to hold, especially Bessa. She was thrilled to be able to share him with these people again. They had been instrumental in bringing she and John out of the dark hole they had almost crawled into when they had managed to escape the slavers and then get stranded here.

John moved to her side and draped his arm around her shoulder as she stood smiling at the reveling crowd. He knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling.

"I am pleased we are back in Atlantis and are able to come here at times. I think I would be quite sad if we had been unable to return to this place. There are many memories here and I feel this place helped us immensely in our healing process.

John hated to think of that short time that she was talking about but he also knew this place was key in helping them to forgive themselves and forget all the horrors they had experienced. And they had done it together.

John moved behind her and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tight. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he tilted his head to kiss her cheek. "Mmm, I do have a lot of very nice memories of this place. It's where you told me you were having my baby and where I first felt him move and where he was born. That isn't something you forget."

Teyla took his hands and moved them to her flat stomach. "Then perhaps this is the perfect place to tell you that we will be having another baby in approximately eight months."

John's arms tightened around her and his fingers spread across her belly. "Really?" he breathed excitedly and Teyla could feel his radiant energy flowing into her. She knew he would be ecstatic. She was also happy when Jennifer informed her about it just this morning.

John looked out at the crowd of friends from Atlantis and Dimitta and loved the thought that now his Atlantis family could help celebrate the coming of another child. He leaned down and kissed Teyla's cheek again and whispered in her ear.

"I just know this one's gonna be a girl. And she's gonna wear … pigtails!"

.

_ ~finis~ _

sgasgasgasgasgasgagsag

.

_ A special thank you goes out to **Wisconsinrocks** who provided much great medical and PT information. Very much appreciated. _

_. _


End file.
